Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 32

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"GRRRRRRRRReat Peace Negotiator"

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Do you remember the TV show “Finding Bigfoot?” In case you never saw it, it was about four morons traipsing through the forests of America looking for a creature that doesn’t exist. I didn’t see every episode, but of the few I did see, I never saw them tell a witness that their experience probably wasn’t a bigfoot encounter. Anytime a “witness” told them they heard some rustling in the woods, these “Squatch” experts would always say some shit like, “From my many years of squatching, it sounds like you definitely, positively, indeedly, and absolutely had a bigfoot encounter.” Never mind the fact there are animals in the woods that are known to make noises.

These guys, and one skeptical female, have been “squatchin'” for over three decades which they feel qualifies them as experts at finding bigfoot despite the fact (spoiler alert) they never do find a bigfoot.

The TV show ran on Animal Planet for nine years. Nine freaking years and not one bigfoot. Hell, not even a littlefoot. They never found any mermaids, unicorns, leprechauns, Loch Ness monsters, or fiscal Republicans either. But these guys should go ahead and build an institute for finding bigfoot where they can explain the techniques to finding bigfoots, their habits, traits, what kind of food they eat, their mating habits, and why they refuse to sit still for photos…even though none of them has never actually seen a bigfoot. The closest thing this nation’s ever seen to a skunk ape is Donald Trump and that skunky-bleached thing on his head.

They can build the Institute for Finding Bigfoot next to Jared Kushner’s Institute for Peace.

Yes. Jared Kushner, the same Jared Kushner who was appointed by his father-in-law to solve the conflict between Israel and Palestine, is building an institute that will follow his leadership on bringing peace to the Middle East. Has anyone asked people in Israel and Palestine lately, “Are you tired of winning yet?”

With Israel and Hamas attacking each other and rockets landing everywhere, buildings collapsing, and children dying, where’s Jared? I thought Jared fixed this.

Jared recently wrote an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal giving advice to President Biden on how to bring peace to the Middle East, which is confusing because I thought Jared had already done that.

Jared wrote he “set the table” to “unleash the Middle East’s potential, keep America safe, and help the region turn the page on a generation of conflict and instability,” and if Joe Biden was “smart,” his administration would embrace the opportunity created by the Trump administration.

Yeah, if you’re smart, you’ll listen to Jared, who was also put in charge of our immigration crisis at the border, the opioid crisis, justice reform, and he was the liaison to Mexico, China, and the U.S. Muslim community. He was also in charge of the heat lamps keeping all the Big Macs toasty every time a sports team visited the Trump White House.

Donald Trump put Jared in charge of resolving the decades-on-top-of-decades conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. Jared, being a trust-fund baby and real-estate guy who actually sucks at real estate, thought the conflict was merely over real estate…and then helped Israel further its expansion into Palestinian-held areas. He thinks it’s all about real estate and all the real estate belongs to Israel. They also though moving the U.S. embassy to Jerusalem would solve the crisis and be welcomed by the Palestinians.

Donald Trump actually believed Jared was the right man for the job, despite not having any experience with diplomacy or foreign policy, because he’s Jewish…and there has never been anyone Jewish working on peace in the Middle East.

Jared did bring peace between Israel, Bahrain, and the United Arab Emirates Republic, two nations Israel has never been at war with. Jared may as well have negotiated a peace deal between Israel and Iceland. He struck a deal with Saudi Arabia that now allows Israeli planes to fly through Saudi air. He also negotiated personal business bailouts from Qatar which some people may refer to as a “bribe.”

The Israel-Palestinian conflict wasn’t mentioned with the “peace accords” between Israel and nations it’s never been at war with, but Jared did address that issue by saying the problem could be solved if Palestinians could just stop being angry with Israel. My, god. He is a genius.

Now, if we put Jared in charge of finding that Houston tiger, he’ll probably come back with a ferret he painted stripes on. We could even put him in charge of finding bigfoot. After all, we’ve already seen him in photos with a bleached skunk ape.

 

[ADoyle90815]

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"Gas, Mask, Vax, Cheesecake"

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We have reached a milestone and a new independence by the new guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control. Earlier in the week, we were told by our president, Joe Biden, that we don’t have to wear face masks outdoors anymore. Now, you don’t have to wear face masks indoors either, but there’s a catch. You have to be vaccinated.

If you have been vaccinated, it doesn’t matter if everyone else in the room are mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging anti-vax hysteria-spreading troglodytes. You can still go without a mask. The odds of you catching Covid19 from the morons are very slim…unless you’re a New York Yankee.

But, because of those morons, we’re probably going to have to keep our masks on. Why? Because they’re fuckers and fuckers are always being fuckers. Everyone is supposed to be honest about whether or not they’re vaccinated. We’re using the honor system with fuckers who have no honor.

We’re going to have problems from the anti-vaxxers. These people don’t have principles. While they took a stand against vaccinations, wearing face masks, and social distancing, they’ll abandon those principles to claim they are vaccinated so they can go maskless inside an art gallery….OK, not an art gallery…inside a Cracker Barrel just because. That’ll stick it to the libs.

Or, they’ll go to Cracker Barrel, Cheesecake Factory, or Walmart and start demanding they don’t have to wear a mask since the vaccinated shoppers are allowed entry without wearing masks. They’ll cry, “You think you’re better than me?” Yes. I do think the vaccinated are better than you.

There are two ways to fix this.

First, require vaccine IDs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’ll be divisive and just piss off the mouth breathers even more, but fuck them. Still, there are backward red states, like Florida, that have outlawed requiring vaccine IDs. Why, why, why? It’s so stupid. It’s like they’re trying to keep the pandemic alive. Also, if IDs are required, you know fuckers will be selling them on the black market. Actually, they already are.

I’m all for vaccine IDs. They won’t infringe upon anyone’s constitutional rights like, say…voter IDs. Florida hasn’t banned those.

And since we’re not going to force everyone in the nation to get vaccinated, the only other solution is for businesses to require EVERYONE to continue wearing face masks. That way, the shops can say they’re not being selective, politicizing, punishing, or playing favorites.

Because of these mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, sister-marrying anti-vaxxers, we can’t have nice things. Even though the president says those of us who are vaxxed can take off our masks, we still can’t go inside our banks and grocery stores without face masks or lick the faces of strangers at bus stations. And you know the people who are prevent us from returning to normal are the same assholes hoarding gas by pumping it into Hefty garbage bags.

Yay, we have reached a milestone and the pandemic is waning…no thanks to MAGAts. We got here despite them. I am fully vaccinated and I will now be going outside without wearing a face mask. I’m going to continue carrying it with me just in case I’m in an outdoor setting where going maskless may make someone feel uncomfortable. I’m going to continue wearing a face mask indoors. I’m going to continue social distancing. And most of all, I’m not going back to shaking hands.

If nothing else, all the safeguards in place to prevent catching Covid19 prevented most of us from catching the flu and common cold last year. Let’s keep that up.

In two weeks, I’ll be on a train. The last time I was on a train, it gave me Covid19. Face masks be required but even if they weren’t, I would be wearing my mask on this upcoming trip.

Again, because of MAGAts, we can’t have nice things and I don’t think any of them deserves any cheesecake.

 

[Black Aliss]

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[ADoyle90815]

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