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Duggars by the Dozen 41: Marrying off the Kidults at the Speed of Light


Coconut Flan

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@Jinder Roles So I personally haven't but my friend who was an H went down to a DDD and she is SO happy she did it. Her recovery was pretty smooth and she was able to get insurance to pay for some of it because her plastic surgeon was like "this is 100% necessary".

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35 minutes ago, candygirl200413 said:

@Jinder Roles So I personally haven't but my friend who was an H went down to a DDD and she is SO happy she did it. Her recovery was pretty smooth and she was able to get insurance to pay for some of it because her plastic surgeon was like "this is 100% necessary".

I know more than one person who had breast reduction surgery and they’ve all been thrilled with the results. I’ve never heard any say they regret it. Actually they wish they’d done it sooner. 

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1 hour ago, Karma said:

*snip* the tumour was 4 cm before I felt even a slight change in my breast.  I don’t want to go thru breast cancer again.)

I do miss being able to tuck a tissue into my bra strap on days when I’ve got no pockets though ?)

I would have made the same choice, and thanks for the reminder: Do your shower exams, ladies!

Especially with larger ones, when my boobs grew recently, I genuinely didn't notice they were growing/had grown until it hit three full cup sizes, especially because my band size didn't change. 4cm when each one is the size of cantaloupes is nothing. I'm honestly amazed you found it.

With your second point, now that I think about it I would have no idea where to put my phone ?

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My SIL had a breast reduction. Went from HH to a full C. The doc removed 5.2 pounds from one breast and 5.6 pounds from the other. Insurance took care of all of it since she had back pain, shoulder and neck pain. I was with her the day of surgery (in and out same day) and helped her recover, did dressing changes and administered meds. She was in a bit of pain the first two days but after that, Advil worked for her. She had to wear a tight sports bra until her followup appointment. Then the doc recommended a bra fitter for the appropriate bra. Her recovery went smoothly and she was thrilled she had it done. She stands taller, has no neck, back or shoulder pain anymore. She wishes she had done it years and years ago. She was 58 when she had it done. 

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Funny enough, I just had breast surgery two weeks ago, although it was to remove a galactocele (a cyst filled with more breast milk than I was ever able to pump at one time - WTF). Regarding any sort of breast surgery itself, I only have two pieces of advice: (1) make sure the weight of your breast doesn't pull on your skin - I got blisters from the bandages; and (2) maybe put a freeze on your credit cards for a day or two because when I got home I realized it was Prime day and bought a shit ton of stuff while still loopy from the remaining general anesthesia in my system. Thankfully, I had a brief moment of lucidity before I went through with buying the rowing machine (though my concern was "I haven't read any reviews, so I don't think I can choose which machine to buy" rather than "How will I afford this? Where will we put this? Why do I want this? Who is going to use this?").

Edited by Mrs. Kravitz
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I’ve recently increased by a size which does not make me happy. I’m hoping it’s just due to Covid weight gain. Is it normal to have a sudden increase in cup size as an adult? 

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3 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

I’ve recently increased by a size which does not make me happy. I’m hoping it’s just due to Covid weight gain. Is it normal to have a sudden increase in cup size as an adult? 

If you gained weight, then it's normal.

If you were recently pregnant and/or breastfeeding, then it's normal -I've heard women's bra sizes can change drastically and permanently once a woman is done breastfeeding -both for bigger and smaller.

If those two things don't apply, then it still might be normal? I gained three full cup sizes right around age 30 while my band size didn't change, nor did my weight. On the one hand it was like "Holy shit, I gained three cup sizes, what the fuck," but on the other hand three cup sizes for me is like an additional 25% so for a solid few months I just assumed it was water weight and I tried to get rid of it with Midol ? Nope, the girls grew.

There's also the fact that you could be entering peri-menopause. I don't have any personal experience with it, but if you're peri-menopausal, breast fluctuation would make complete sense to me. Remember peri-menopause can have a normal start date as early as 38 or as late as 58, it's a huge spectrum. I met a woman a few years ago that was still actively menstruating normally at 60; she had everything checked out, and turns out she's just an outlier.

 

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15 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

4cm when each one is the size of cantaloupes is nothing. I'm honestly amazed you found it.

I felt only a slight change when I decided I’d better book in my covid delayed mammogram. After the initial mammogram I felt a 1cm lump. The size of the tumour was a surprise to everyone. More details over in Are you there free jinger if anyone’s interested in what’s involved. 
But yes, check those breasts ladies and book in your mammogram if it’s due!

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Thank you all so much for the replies!! I really appreciate it! 

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On 7/9/2021 at 11:33 PM, Jinder Roles said:

Anyone willing to share their breast reduction experience? Especially for those with HH cups and above?

I had a breast reduction at age 18/19. I had been struggling with very large breasts from the moment they developed; among other things, they had contributed to me developing an eating disorder at age 15.

Fortunately we lived in a country with universal healthcare, so once I got approval from a doctor that I was struggling physically and emotionally with my breast size, we didn't have to cover any of the costs ourselves. I remember finding the actual hospital stay and procedure rather awkward and uncomfortable - I was sexually inexperienced, so even though the doctor did nothing untoward, it felt very embarrassing to have a man touch, handle and discuss my boobs. The operation itself went well, but I remember the recovery being long and unpleasant.

They removed a huge amount of tissue. Once healed and recovered, I was thrilled with the changes. It was physically easier in every way, I finally found at least some tops that fit, and I just felt more comfortable and confident all around. I do have some scarring because my teenage self didn't follow the aftercare routine as reliably as I should have, but it's not very visible and in any case has never bothered me nor anyone I've been with intimately.

The one thing that was and is a problem, however, has been breastfeeding. I couldn't retrieve any details about the surgery, but it was fairly obvious the milk ducts had been damaged, so before the birth of LittleJuly, I prepared everything I could - read books about BFAR (breastfeeding after reduction), joined a Facebook group, contacted a lactation consultant, got the supplementary nursing system, breastpump, and other material organised, etc. After the birth, I almost worked myself into postnatal depression trying to breastfeed and improve my milk supply beyond the 30ml I'd be able to pump per day. It didn't work. I was never able to exclusively breastfeed (apparently some women who had a reduction do manage, which depressed me even more), and as my supply never improved, I decided to stop trying at around 3/4 months post-partum. I imagine the milk ducts have been just too badly damaged or scarred so that neither baby nor pump could make things work.

I'm expecting our second baby later this summer. This time I am much more relaxed - I will try to breastfeed a little, but will stop once I notice trying is beginning to get to me. LittleJuly turned into a wonderful healthy child with formula, so I'm not worried at all.

I had been advised before the surgery that I might not be able to breastfeed, but I remember brushing this concern aside because I really wanted the reduction and couldn't picture myself having babies any time soon. Sometimes I regret that I didn't wait until after I had children, but the physical and mental distress with my very large breasts was just too much at the time. I don't think I would have been able to be happy and healthy enough to enjoy my 20s, and meet my husband & father of my children had I not had the reduction when I did. So while there has been a trade-off and I'm sometimes a little sad about it, the reduction was definitely the right decision for me given the circumstances.

Generally, however, I would suggest to wait with a reduction until you're done having children provided you don't suffer too much. Having kids does change your body, so beyond the ability to breastfeed it could be useful to save a reduction (and "reshaping") for a later point in time :D

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10 hours ago, SweetJuly said:

*snip*

The one thing that was and is a problem, however, has been breastfeeding. I couldn't retrieve any details about the surgery, but it was fairly obvious the milk ducts had been damaged, so before the birth of LittleJuly, I prepared everything I could - read books about BFAR (breastfeeding after reduction), joined a Facebook group, contacted a lactation consultant, got the supplementary nursing system, breastpump, and other material organised, etc. After the birth, I almost worked myself into postnatal depression trying to breastfeed and improve my milk supply beyond the 30ml I'd be able to pump per day. It didn't work. I was never able to exclusively breastfeed (apparently some women who had a reduction do manage, which depressed me even more), and as my supply never improved, I decided to stop trying at around 3/4 months post-partum. I imagine the milk ducts have been just too badly damaged or scarred so that neither baby nor pump could make things work.

Yup. Same story including the eating disorder (got down to 5'3/85lbs, they didn't shrink a single cup size) but as soon as they said breast feeding would be a problem, I was out. I've been eligible and insurance has been willing to pay since I was 15, but I grew up LDS and so breastfeeding has always been sacred to me, personally. Even as I shifted much more secular in college, I still see BF as sacred and so it's always been a no-go.

I hate my boobs literally every day, my self esteem with them still sucks, I'm looking forward to my reduction, but not for one second have I regretted keeping them despite the fact that I'm yet to procreate -and I won't regret waiting even if I don't end up having kids. The 'just incase' of being able to feed my babies is still everything to me.

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11 hours ago, SweetJuly said:

Fortunately we lived in a country with universal healthcare, so once I got approval from a doctor that I was struggling physically and emotionally with my breast size, we didn't have to cover any of the costs ourselves.

I know this is not the main takeaway from your story, but my God--I cannot even imagine this.  My family has decent insurance through Mr. Fortress' employer, but we still pay a lot for our share of the premium, even if we never use the insurance.  Our deductible is high and most things are not covered fully until that deductible is met. And I am one of the lucky ones! 

I am so glad that there are places in the world where people can get the medical care they need without having to worry about losing their home or life savings. Also, congrats on the new little one, and of course baby will be 100% fine however the milk situation turns out!❤️

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My mother just had surgery two months ago to reduce one of her breasts to make them the same size. She had breastcancer 15 years ago and had surgery on one side to remove the tumor, some lymph nodes and some surrounding tissue. The unevenness never bothered her in the past, but I guess with age and the prolonged influence of gravity it became more pronounced. Insurance paid for all of it, even though it was only a cosmetic issue. They will do that if they review the case and decide it is grave enough to impact the woman psychologically. They would also pay for implants/reshaping of the breasts if their shape or lack of size were to be regarded as harming the woman's mental well-being, but I think in that case you would actually need to be evaluated by a psychologist. In my mother's case, a picture of her breasts and a report from her gynecologist to the insurance were enough. Although it was only a minor surgery compared to what it would be to reduce breasts from a rather larger size down to a more manageable one, she had pain for a few days (and struggled with some more pain when she had to go back to work after two weeks), still has a hard lump in the breast, has some issue with the scar looking rather "bunched up" for lack of a better word, and the breast is still a little elevated, but is expected to settle down in the coming months. The lump is shrinking by the week and if the look of the scar were to remain bothersome in the future, the surgeon would redo the scarline to make it more even. I guess my point is to take into account the time it will take to recover from any surgery (which will likely be longer than what they tell you before they perform it), allow for extra time for complications and not expect too much of oneself too soon afterwards.

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16 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

I am so glad that there are places in the world where people can get the medical care they need without having to worry about losing their home or life savings. Also, congrats on the new little one, and of course baby will be 100% fine however the milk situation turns out!❤️

My mom was just complaining the other day about Medicare. My dad recently became eligible to apply and it turns out that he's not eligible for much at all. She was talking about how little you have to make and how little assets you're allowed to have to receive many benefits. My reply was "well, considering his voting record, he's getting what he wanted". 

I recently had to make some hard decisions about medical care because of the cost and it drives me insane that people think it's ok for someone to have to choose between anything and medical care.

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1 hour ago, Knight of Ni said:

My mom was just complaining the other day about Medicare. My dad recently became eligible to apply and it turns out that he's not eligible for much at all. She was talking about how little you have to make and how little assets you're allowed to have to receive many benefits. My reply was "well, considering his voting record, he's getting what he wanted". 

I recently had to make some hard decisions about medical care because of the cost and it drives me insane that people think it's ok for someone to have to choose between anything and medical care.

Are you thinking Medicaid? Because Medicare is based solely on age or serious permanent disability. Nothing to do with income or assets. Maybe a supplemental program to provide care that Medicare doesn’t? 

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On 7/9/2021 at 4:11 PM, CaptainFunderpants said:

Honestly, when you have big boobs they become basically just another body part akin to a foot or an elbow, and so discussing them feels the same as a bunch of men commiserating over the struggle to find big shoe sizes (think 16+).

My boobs aren't sexy, they're behemoths that I'm forced to maintain because they can't do a reduction without taking my milk ducts, which I'm not willing to give up just yet.

Having these discussions is arguably incredibly important because many of us felt very, very alone and unsure how to deal with our mondo boobs in our youth, and many women still feel that way now because they're just not common and talking about boobs is such a taboo.

The women active in this discussion didn't opt into having big boobs; they just appeared. And so being able to have the discussion and talk about bras that work well and where to find them, again is just people networking and discussing uncommon shoe sizes more or less.

None of us are objectifying her or saying anything remotely inappropriate; just commiserating the struggle and affirming that the struggle is real.

I would give up my 40Fs in a hot minute. I've actually asked around about getting them done - both in the US and in Canada (depending on where my insurance was at the time). Lately - OHIP (ontario) has been telling me I need to lose weight before they'll even consider talking to me about getting rid of them. But I've had big boobs since I was ... 12? Like - no matter what size clothes I wear - they're just big. And saggy. 
I'm not worried about milk ducts anymore (thanks unexplained infertility) so just please for the love of god - take them! Make them a nice perky... C cup maybe? I would love that. My mom and sisters are all small boobed ladies. (darn them!) 

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18 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

Are you thinking Medicaid? Because Medicare is based solely on age or serious permanent disability. Nothing to do with income or assets. Maybe a supplemental program to provide care that Medicare doesn’t? 

That could be it. I try to not have to hear them complaining. This is what they voted for after all. It's like digging a hole in your yard and complaining when you fall in.

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9 hours ago, Meggo said:

I would give up my 40Fs in a hot minute. I've actually asked around about getting them done - both in the US and in Canada (depending on where my insurance was at the time). Lately - OHIP (ontario) has been telling me I need to lose weight before they'll even consider talking to me about getting rid of them. But I've had big boobs since I was ... 12? Like - no matter what size clothes I wear - they're just big. And saggy. 
I'm not worried about milk ducts anymore (thanks unexplained infertility) so just please for the love of god - take them! Make them a nice perky... C cup maybe? I would love that. My mom and sisters are all small boobed ladies. (darn them!) 

Surgery on overweight people is super high risk because of the way anesthesia metabolizes. It's also much harder if something goes wrong and you need CPR or something like that.

You've lived with them for this long, there's no reason to do an unnecessary and preventably high risk procedure.

But I do totally get having the same sized boobs even when you've gained weight; I ended up at a whopping 150 because of poor (no) planning on a steroid protocol, and yet my boobs remained the same; I was a 34F, gained back fat but no boob tissue.

If it gives you hope... I lost the 25lbs in a month via Atkins and riding a recumbent bike at the gym three hours a day. The weight melted off while I was busy watching trashy TV and chowing down on bacon (not simultaneously).

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@SweetJuly I didn’t make enough milk either and worked with the Breast Feeding Clinic, took the pills etc. When I had to cut milk out of my diet due to my daughter’s allergies, my supply stopped completely. It was so low that even with pumping I only ever produced drops. I had a wonderful doctor who shared that she hadn’t been able to breast feed either and reminded me that I was what my daughter needed; formula or breast milk didn’t matter as much as how much I loved my girl. I felt like a failure and this helped me forgive myself for my body going into labour early and then not producing milk. So, I’ll echo her words to you: you are enough as you are and the exact mom your baby needs. Fed is best; how they get fed is immaterial. Hug and best mommy wishes! 

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3 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

@SweetJuly I didn’t make enough milk either and worked with the Breast Feeding Clinic, took the pills etc. When I had to cut milk out of my diet due to my daughter’s allergies, my supply stopped completely. It was so low that even with pumping I only ever produced drops. I had a wonderful doctor who shared that she hadn’t been able to breast feed either and reminded me that I was what my daughter needed; formula or breast milk didn’t matter as much as how much I loved my girl. I felt like a failure and this helped me forgive myself for my body going into labour early and then not producing milk. So, I’ll echo her words to you: you are enough as you are and the exact mom your baby needs. Fed is best; how they get fed is immaterial. Hug and best mommy wishes! 

I had a friend who had a similar experience.  When she went in to the breast feeding clinic, her doctor explained the reason her baby was so quiet was because he wasn't getting enough to eat through breastfeeding.  She then explained she had had 3 children; two breastfed, one formula fed.  They were all teenagers/adults at the time my friend saw this doctor and she shared you would never be able to tell which child was given formula.  The thing that matters most is that your baby is fed.  There are lots of ways to make up to connection aspect of breast feeding.  

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I am considered obese and just had knee surgery with my doctor's support. Getting the other one done early winter. I also get put under for complicated dental procedures. I have Hashimoto's and the only thing that has worked for me to lose weight is intermittant fasting. It took me three years to lose 40 pounds, and no chance of exercise (other than swimming, but that's not an option) due to bad knees. And when I did Atkins in my 20's a long time ago, for a solid month, I lost nothing. Weight issues are incredibly complicated and vary wildly from person to person. 

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On 7/12/2021 at 5:50 AM, SweetJuly said:

I remember finding the actual hospital stay and procedure rather awkward and uncomfortable - I was sexually inexperienced, so even though the doctor did nothing untoward, it felt very embarrassing to have a man touch, handle and discuss my boobs. 

A friend had a very similar experience, and found being photographed topless by the surgeon felt violating. But, logically the photos were necessary for insurance reasons.

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I consider myself incredibly lucky to be able to breast feed. I have been obsessed with lactation since a physiology class in high school. I just think the body is so cool to be able to do that (although I know way more about cow lactation than human). 

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I was such a dumb young mom. The nurse handed me my son and said you can nurse him now. I said ok and did. Exclusively for ten months. Never had a problem. Now I feel incredibly lucky that it worked that way. I was so dumb that it never occurred to me that it wouldn't work. After hearing the problems and emotional toll that not being able to nurse brings to so many, I apologize for my lack of knowledge and just plain stupidity. I am so sorry that it happens to so many. Truly bless your hearts for trying. 

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