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Maxwell 47: Vestigial Tales of the Messy Towel Drawer


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I remember them saying that too, that they were training Anna to gradually take over Sarah’s jobs at home. That assumption they had that Sarah would be married soon.

I still would love the honest answer here. We will never have it. Did good honest men appear and show interest at one point? Were they turned away by Steve? Was sarah not interested in them or the prospect of marriage? In the normal world I wouldn’t write any of them off, I’m between Anna and Sarah age wise and I’m not married, but it’s not for lack of trying. Just way too coincidental that it’s just the girls. The reversal boys managed to meet their wives, why has it not happened the other way? As isolated as they are, the family have connections. 
 

My honest belief (obviously I’ve never met them) is that the daughters are just too stunted. I picture them to be very socially awkward and possibly terrified of outsiders, judging by how they write on the blog and what they have said. Possibly smug, Anna’s college post always struck me as slightly smug and snooty “I’m not going because I’m a better Christian than you” attitude coming through, and likewise a bit of that in Sarah’s old modesty posts. We all know the famous line from Making Great Conversationalists and I honestly think the girls are just way to unaware of how they present, have no self awareness, are definitely way too sheltered that they can’t relate to anyone outside the family anyway and just too naive and kid like. I don’t think many men would feel comfortable taking a grown up woman out of her named bunk bed for the first time.

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27 minutes ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

I remember them saying that too, that they were training Anna to gradually take over Sarah’s jobs at home. That assumption they had that Sarah would be married soon.

I still would love the honest answer here. We will never have it. Did good honest men appear and show interest at one point? Were they turned away by Steve? Was sarah not interested in them or the prospect of marriage? In the normal world I wouldn’t write any of them off, I’m between Anna and Sarah age wise and I’m not married, but it’s not for lack of trying. Just way too coincidental that it’s just the girls. The reversal boys managed to meet their wives, why has it not happened the other way? As isolated as they are, the family have connections. 
 

My honest belief (obviously I’ve never met them) is that the daughters are just too stunted. I picture them to be very socially awkward and possibly terrified of outsiders, judging by how they write on the blog and what they have said. Possibly smug, Anna’s college post always struck me as slightly smug and snooty “I’m not going because I’m a better Christian than you” attitude coming through, and likewise a bit of that in Sarah’s old modesty posts. We all know the famous line from Making Great Conversationalists and I honestly think the girls are just way to unaware of how they present, have no self awareness, are definitely way too sheltered that they can’t relate to anyone outside the family anyway and just too naive and kid like. I don’t think many men would feel comfortable taking a grown up woman out of her named bunk bed for the first time.

How long ago was it I attended the Maxwell Traveling Medicine show? Let's see, Tina was just on the way.  I'm getting a lifetime of observations out of a few hours with the Maxborg, I'll say!

Anyway, here's my thoughts, based on observing and very briefly interacting: They're not stunted in the least as far as talking with strangers, new friends of friends, potential customers, potential converts, the elderly, the youngerly, guys, women in outdated outfits, women in jeans with a bit of an attitude (me), nobody.  Anna was maybe ... 14 then? ... and she was totally at ease, as was Mary.  Sarah was bustling around at her coordinator duties and not one of them seemed at all bashful.

Therefore, in my self-appointed capacity as FJ's own Lady Catherine deBourg y Junebug, I declare authoritatively: There were suitors, I believe, for each and every one of them, and Steve put the kibosh on all the suitors, enlisted Teri's complicity in persuading each  Maxmaiden that "that fellow is not right for you, is not G-d's will for you," and skillfully (or clumsily) got the maidens to believe they alone were making their decisions with the help of G-d of course.

Anyway, back as my true, tremulous self, YMMV, that's just MHO and the way I think it's gone down.

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2 hours ago, anjulibai said:

What's funny is that once upon a time Anna was going to take over blogging, along with Sarah's other jobs; they mentioned training her on all Sarah does a long time ago.

That's way back when there was still the fiction that Sarah might one day marry. 

Supposedly Jana is finally courting....who knows! LOL

 

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19 minutes ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

Supposedly Jana is finally courting....who knows! LOL

 

A Maxwell female courting would be far bigger news than Jana courting. JB has shown that he is not adverse to his daughters getting married. OTOH Steve...

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2 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

How long ago was it I attended the Maxwell Traveling Medicine show? Let's see, Tina was just on the way.  I'm getting a lifetime of observations out of a few hours with the Maxborg, I'll say!

Anyway, here's my thoughts, based on observing and very briefly interacting: They're not stunted in the least as far as talking with strangers, new friends of friends, potential customers, potential converts, the elderly, the youngerly, guys, women in outdated outfits, women in jeans with a bit of an attitude (me), nobody.  Anna was maybe ... 14 then? ... and she was totally at ease, as was Mary.  Sarah was bustling around at her coordinator duties and not one of them seemed at all bashful.

Therefore, in my self-appointed capacity as FJ's own Lady Catherine deBourg y Junebug, I declare authoritatively: There were suitors, I believe, for each and every one of them, and Steve put the kibosh on all the suitors, enlisted Teri's complicity in persuading each  Maxmaiden that "that fellow is not right for you, is not G-d's will for you," and skillfully (or clumsily) got the maidens to believe they alone were making their decisions with the help of G-d of course.

Anyway, back as my true, tremulous self, YMMV, that's just MHO and the way I think it's gone down.

Ah fair enough, I’m more than happy to have my theory blown out of the water, it’s not a nice theory. 
Are you the one who witnessed Mary making a heart sign and saying she loves her daddy?

They were obviously raised to be confident in that way, however on those road trips they were in their element and considered as royalty by many (obviously they also had to face the wrath of our FJ hero’s a couple of times). I imagine they could come across as socially awkward or a bit rude /stuck up when they are in different situations, and this theory comes from the joyous line in their book “over ten years we didn’t have any meaningful conversations. we realised this was due to a lack of conversation skill on behalf of the others” (near enough correct phrasing). I don’t know. It’s a mystery. And I don’t think all hope is gone. I just think it’s high time the girls lived like adults. Worked for somebody else, had their own space, made their own schedule, had real jobs (as in not two hours a day working for a brother from the comfort of their own home and leaving said job to go play with young family members). We all know how they love now is not going to serve them well in the long run.

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It seems like the daughters aren't really meeting anyone. I've been following them for at least four or five years and they seem to hardly go anywhere anymore. They've been to like one conference in the time I've been following them.

I wonder if the financial part makes it hard. Most young men don't own debt-free homes. Homefooled educations can sometimes make it hard to even get a good-paying job. 

The Mally daughters got married in 2019 and 2020. Sarah Mally Hancock is older than Sarah Maxwell. Grace Mally Moffitt is older than Anna and Mary Maxwell.  Their only brother is still single. 

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When they were traveling they must have come across plenty of families who knew or were related to an eligible young man.  I'd be very surprised if Sarah (maybe Anna too if she was old enough) didn't have at least some potential suitors.

Even today I can picture some of these women who comment on their blog recommending an eligible brother, son, uncle, friend to the Maxwells.

Either the sisters are very picky (maybe) or Steve has made life very hard for any man who has shown an interest (certainly).

He would insist the young man own his home debt free. The young man would have to be gainfully employed, which would be a reasonable requirement.  But Steve would be very particular about the young man's job.  Is it a job where he would work with or for women?  Would he work shifts and be away from home for long hours?  Steve steered Christopher away from being a paramedic for both of those reasons.  And, of course, could he provide for a wife and their million kids doing whatever he does?

I was convinced Jon Marie was visiting the Maxwells as a possible mate for one of the sisters.  He seemed to meet so many of the criteria.  Even owned his own business at a pretty young age.  But that didn't happen.

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Chris got married pretty late, and until he was 30 he was still traveling on Uriah, sleeping in those bunks. I’m sure that normalized it for Sarah, and they were genuinely so busy. Nathan and Melanie were the only married couple for so long, and with their struggles to conceive/carry they were still so close, “extended family” or not. In 2011 I think is the last time the brothers and their fam went to Colorado with them... some leaving and cleaving eventually did happen. My point (and I do have one!) is that I believe poor Sarah just with time saw the doors stop opening. They sold Uriah, she’s not meeting readers for up to 3 months per year. Someone named their baby after a character in her book for goodness sake. She had a lot of positive feedback, much like Terri did. I think the Munck Debacle was a big blow to them, and since then the three reversal boys have married off in turn. There’s just less and less for her. 

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I think it's possible that either Sarah or Anna never wanted to court/marry any man that showed an interest, but I don't believe that it could be true for both.  When Sarah was in her twenties the family was constantly traveling and hobnobbing with similar IBLP and homeschool families.  There were inquiries to Steve, I'm sure. And Sarah's potential suitors could have been rejected because Steve wanted a sister-mom at home while Teri was still homeschooling children while depressed. 

Steve very much reminds me of some of my family members. No one is ever good enough for their daughters, not because they hold their daughters on a pedestal, but because no man can ever measure up to Steve, in Steve's mind, and he wouldn't accept anything less. Since women are naturally inferior. his sons get more leeway in choosing a spouse, because all women are such flawed individuals.  Steve's requirement of future daughters-in-laws is probably only that they will homeschool and have a chaste courtship.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not marrying.  I just don't think it was truly a choice that Sarah and Anna made, or the result of not meeting anyone they like. It was a choice made for them because their father never viewed their needs as greater than his wants and his ego.  

I have crossed by fingers that the younger sister-in-laws and brothers will at least try to look out for Mary and introduce young men to the family. I doubt the brothers understood what was really happening for the older sisters, but they should be aware now that something is not right when it comes to how their sisters are treated. 

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5 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

Are you the one who witnessed Mary making a heart sign and saying she loves her daddy?

No, that was not I !! 
 

And now I’m wondering if the venue they visited still exists. My new quest! Find out if it’s still a going concern. It was a library for Maxwell-type people but IIRC, its founders wanted it referred to by some other name...!

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10 hours ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

I remember them saying that too, that they were training Anna to gradually take over Sarah’s jobs at home. That assumption they had that Sarah would be married soon.

I still would love the honest answer here. We will never have it. Did good honest men appear and show interest at one point? Were they turned away by Steve? Was sarah not interested in them or the prospect of marriage? In the normal world I wouldn’t write any of them off, I’m between Anna and Sarah age wise and I’m not married, but it’s not for lack of trying. Just way too coincidental that it’s just the girls. The reversal boys managed to meet their wives, why has it not happened the other way? As isolated as they are, the family have connections. 
 

My honest belief (obviously I’ve never met them) is that the daughters are just too stunted. I picture them to be very socially awkward and possibly terrified of outsiders, judging by how they write on the blog and what they have said. Possibly smug, Anna’s college post always struck me as slightly smug and snooty “I’m not going because I’m a better Christian than you” attitude coming through, and likewise a bit of that in Sarah’s old modesty posts. We all know the famous line from Making Great Conversationalists and I honestly think the girls are just way to unaware of how they present, have no self awareness, are definitely way too sheltered that they can’t relate to anyone outside the family anyway and just too naive and kid like. I don’t think many men would feel comfortable taking a grown up woman out of her named bunk bed for the first time.

A poster who knew them once said that Sarah had suitors, but sometimes she rejected them and sometimes Steve rejected them. She was talking about the times Maxwells travelled a lot and were fundie-VIPS. I think they were too entitled and found the suitors too "low cost". In addition, I think Sarah was afraid of marriage.

But by no means I think Sarah is sad because she's single. I have the feeling that she is happier as single than she would be as a married women with eleventy kids. She does not like home chores, cooking or babysitting (in fact, she never does!). She's like Teri, who would have been happier single, too.

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And I’m in total agreement with all of you, particularly as I’m a long term single person (that’s just how it happened) - if they genuinely are happier single, great.

But we all know it’s not entirely their choice, and they clearly live under a very very very unhealthy order of control. If they don’t have their own bank accounts for their money and are essentially punished like children if they do something out of schedule or dare ask to do something alone then it would be abusive. Not saying it is but what they do ain’t healthy,

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10 hours ago, MomJeans said:

I think it's possible that either Sarah or Anna never wanted to court/marry any man that showed an interest, but I don't believe that it could be true for both.  When Sarah was in her twenties the family was constantly traveling and hobnobbing with similar IBLP and homeschool families.  There were inquiries to Steve, I'm sure. And Sarah's potential suitors could have been rejected because Steve wanted a sister-mom at home while Teri was still homeschooling children while depressed. 

Steve very much reminds me of some of my family members. No one is ever good enough for their daughters, not because they hold their daughters on a pedestal, but because no man can ever measure up to Steve, in Steve's mind, and he wouldn't accept anything less. Since women are naturally inferior. his sons get more leeway in choosing a spouse, because all women are such flawed individuals.  Steve's requirement of future daughters-in-laws is probably only that they will homeschool and have a chaste courtship.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not marrying.  I just don't think it was truly a choice that Sarah and Anna made, or the result of not meeting anyone they like. It was a choice made for them because their father never viewed their needs as greater than his wants and his ego.  

I have crossed by fingers that the younger sister-in-laws and brothers will at least try to look out for Mary and introduce young men to the family. I doubt the brothers understood what was really happening for the older sisters, but they should be aware now that something is not right when it comes to how their sisters are treated. 

Why can't Anna or even Sarah marry? Anna is 28. That's not that old even in fundiedom. 

Sarah is 39, which is a bit more challenging, but not impossible. Sarah Mally got married at 41. 

I hope that if any of them want to marry and I suspect Anna does, that the sisters-in-law and brothers will try to help them find people. 

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I think the girls are too used to this life to search for potential suitors, a little is the fear of the unknown like where will am I gonna live? What kind of duty will I have in my new family? Will I be in charge of something beyond my home? And some is the feeling of being usefull, like how will the family copy once I leave? Who will help Anna Marie or Chelsea homeschool the kids or play with them who will take my job? Who will take my task in the mighty schedule? Plus thinking about not being there for the birth of the next grandkids or something like that. The first girl to marry will become a "Extended family" I don't know if they can see themselves in that spot 

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5 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She's like Teri, who would have been happier single, too.

My mom is the same age as Teri and her personality reminds me of my mom. She’s very reserved. My mom has been divorced for decades and she likes being single. She likes living alone. I’m similar. I also like being alone. If I ever divorced, I know I wouldn’t remarry. 

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People don’t just suddenly gain courage or independence. They practice it first. People usually go from little kids being supervised all the time to independent adults by making a million tiny steps towards it. Their brains get time to mature and practice facing unknown situations so that they can handle new things. You have to fall a lot before you learn to walk, and you have to know that even if you fall, you’ll be okay. Sarah, Anna and Mary were never given that chance. They were kept in a playpen or baby walker instead.

The Maxwells have never given their girls a chance to practice being courageous, making decisions, growing strong enough to be independent. Every decision must be run by and approved of by Steve. Even when Sarah flew on a plane to visit a friend, they had undoubtedly told her what to do if she encountered strangers, how to be safe, etc, instead of brainstorming with her about traveling alone or even just letting her go and assuming that she’d figure it out. Because her parents have always given her all the answers, Sarah has almost no imagination, as is clearly evident in her books. Imagination is needed, curiosity about the world is needed, before you are ready to be on your own. 
 

So I agree that there is a very, very slight chance of Sarah marrying, but it would also be an incredibly difficult thing for her to do, and maybe she knows this. Either her husband is like Steve and controls every aspect of her life, or she is thrown into a marathon having never run a race in her life. I think that it would be a period of very painful growth as her brain was forced to make big decisions it wasn’t prepared for, not just what kind of soup to make but what to do if someone doesn’t like soup. She may be able to deal with the real world on a superficial level, or in rehearsed environments, but she would be lost if she had to make a big decision fast, all on her own. 

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I hope that Anna is given the opportunity to live independently and that she also has the chance to be a mom either through marriage, adoption, donor... she shines when she is around children. The other 2 I’m not so sure.

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There's a new blog post up. This is written by Steve and it's concerning Home School League Defense of Association (HSLDA).  It's basically the same as previous post they did on the topic. Send in for the DVD! 

Title Thread Suggestion: No TV, but get a free DVD

No sign of Sarah. I hope she's okay.

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29 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Off topic but I wonder if the Maxwells know about this:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna630

I suppose that depends if it is posted on one of their "carefully chosen pro-life news websites", or if they catch a glimpse of a headline in the checkout line at the store. :roll: (And, ugh, politicians who drive drunk really piss me off.)

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8 hours ago, Italiangirl said:

I think the girls are too used to this life to search for potential suitors,

I doubt it. Marriage is the holiest of holy grails. They've just been taught to wait--not look. Dad will provide the suitor.  I'm sure they have normal thoughts of "When I have my own kids I'll..." OR "When I'm married, I'll..." etc.

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I’m starting to be concerned that something difficult is going on behind the scenes: no Resurrection Sunday post, just stuff about dish towels, earbuds, and the HSLDA (which they admit they never had any need to consult).

Depression? Serious physical illness? A crisis of faith? I certainly don’t wish this family ill—just enlightenment.

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I still think Anna and Mary will be married. Going strictly by what we see on the blog it certainly doesn't appear that they have much, if any opportunity to meet eligible men but the blog probably reflects less than 5% of their lives and even then, what we see is carefully curated. Both A & M hold a bible study in what looks like either a church or a community center. What's to say there isn't a GYM there as well? But since it would been unacceptable to Steve to have either of his unmarried, unchaperoned daughters in the presence of an unmarried, unchaperoned male we'd never know. Despite his control issue, Steve has to known that three single daughters looks VERY bad for his brand, which itself becomes less and less relevant with each passing day, so at least one of the younger ones will have to be transferred to a new authority. I do think the girls will have a rough time of it though, especially if they have to move away from the MaxBorg collective. They're grown women who still share the same bedroom FFS (although I think Sarah may have moved into the now vacated boys' room—she deserves THAT at the very least).  Even non-fundies sometimes struggle with adjustment to married life; when they're women who've lived such enmeshed lives, it's definitely not going to be an easy adjustment to be away from what they've always known.

Only time will tell, but if something does happen—and I think it will be sooner rather than later—we won't know about it until it's a done deal. 

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1 hour ago, Hane said:

I’m starting to be concerned that something difficult is going on behind the scenes: no Resurrection Sunday post, just stuff about dish towels, earbuds, and the HSLDA (which they admit they never had any need to consult).

Depression? Serious physical illness? A crisis of faith? I certainly don’t wish this family ill—just enlightenment.

Someone asked about the lack of Resurrection Sunday post, and Teri replied:

 “Yes, all is well here. With Sarah’s concussion recovery and more limited screen time, it is harder for her to get the blog posts done, and Steve and I aren’t as good at it as she is!”

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I think Anna and Mary have plenty of time to get married. They are still in their 20s. There are fundies that have gotten married much older than that. Some of the older women I can think of off the top of my head are Andrea Reins, Amanda Smith, 2 of the Wissmann daughters, Sarah Mally, Elizabeth Frazer, and Esther Staddon is about to get married. Plus I think Jana will probably get married this year. 

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