Joy & Austin 32: Living the Fundie Dream with Rifles, RVs & Babies

[neuroticcat]

3 hours ago, Cam said:

I find the comment Joy made about her kids on the IG post quite interesting: “I am loving this stage and their ages!”

 

Meh, this seems fairly common in fundie circles and people made similar comments on the shows. I hope you're right, but I think comments like these are on par with "we're so grateful" or "I love being a wife and mom." Maybe it's true or maybe the level of fundamentalism requires serious deconstruction before young adults who grew up in it can even identify their own feelings let alone name them publicly.

[SassyPants]

I think there are many elements that factor into whether or not each individual couple goes gangbusters on reproduction. 1) the size of family that each parent came from and their position within that family. 2) the other things going on in the couples’ lives. 3) the ease of pregnancy, labor, delivery. 4) to a much lesser extent, finances. 5) Personality

Joy (all the Duggars) have had a rough couple of years. In addition to the Josh situation, there was also the loss of Annabelle. Joy is also very young. I’m sure that has affected her ability to handle all of the situations presented. Plus unlike many of the other gals, Joy was a middle born and likely did not have the full weight of sistermomming that many of the others shouldered, leaving her less prepared. Also, Austin is the youngest of a very small (by their standards) family. He likely has no idea what leading/supporting/caring for a huge family entails. Whatever the reasons involved, I am glad that Joy is on this current path vs the one Tori and Bobby are taking!

[Mama Mia]

20 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

Meh, this seems fairly common in fundie circles and people made similar comments on the shows. I hope you're right, but I think comments like these are on par with "we're so grateful" or "I love being a wife and mom." Maybe it's true or maybe the level of fundamentalism requires serious deconstruction before young adults who grew up in it can even identify their own feelings let alone name them publicly.

I think it would be a pretty common statement / thought in pretty much any circle. She just went on a plane alone with two tiny kids. I’m sure she was nervous/apprehensive before hand. Worried the kids would be screaming/crying/disturbing other passengers and generally miserable.  But it went smoothly and she must have been relieved they weren’t a baby and toddler.  Whether that means she’s done having kids, or wants big spaces, or is planning on having more soon — I think she’d still appreciate the relative ease of this flight, with this age of kids. 

[viii]

It’s common for any parent in any circle. I hear so many of my friends say that. I don’t think it means anything specific. 

[AprilQuilt]

"I am loving this stage and their ages!" is a common thing to say when you appreciate that it's brief. I think it probably indicates that Joy doesn't plan or expect to always have little kids in the house for the rest of her reproductive years. I think she's smelling the roses a bit.

Also... it's so liberating when you transition out of the baby stage and can take your kids about a bit more freely, not worrying so much about any kind of hourly routine or tons of equipment, or if you'll find somewhere to breastfeed/warm a bottle. Evy's at that age now and I bet it feels great. I'm glad Joy is enjoying that - and taking them on planes etc - rather than doing a Michelle and requiring a new baby every 18 months to maintain her queen bee status.

[imokit]

Joy was able to go to Tennessee alone with the kids because of their ages.  She probably wouldn't have been able to manage it alone had she had a new baby 18months-2years after the last.  She could easily have a newborn or even a bigger baby now as well as the older 2.  An extra baby would have made her trip harder/not doable for her.

Likewise going a year ago with a one year old and a three year old would also have been harder. A just turned 1yo is far harder to bribe/reason with/get to sit still than even a stroppy 2yo.  A 4 yo has a lot more patience than a 3yo, they are also less likely to run off/strop for no reason.  She may have not felt able to do this a year ago.

It makes me think that whatever the reason for her current spacing (whether purposeful or accidental) she's realising the advantages.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

There's a lot to love about the baby stage, but I did not actively say "I love this stage" until my daughter got close to a year and a half.  For me, the interactive playing is peak bliss.

[neuroticcat]

I'm probably projecting, because, yeah, I pretty much said "I love this stage" all through b/c that was the Christian mom line. (I mean, I believed it at the time and I did love every stage in a way, but also to say otherwise was rejecting God's blessing/timing). Since fundie parenting messages from babyhood on that children are a blessing to be welcomed, the continual mental/verbal messaging is: I am loving it. Honesty isn't valued, and naming difficulties can either be labeled complaining or contributing to a bad attitude. I think the only time complaining is permitted is when you're using it to explain how you've overcome something through Christ (i.e. M is for Mama's hardisnothtesamethingasbad). It's okay for something to be hard if it grows your character or results in a lesson for everyone else. 

I don't think we see any Duggar moms being like: the sleeplessness is so hard I can't wait for it to be over, or summer is great, but I can't wait for the kids to be back in school, or something. Alyssa Bates is the only Bates I can think of who was verbally like: I *don't want* a lot of children, b/c I wouldn't like it. Have any others actually named any sentiment other than "love this stage"?

 

[Mama Mia]

On 8/28/2022 at 2:06 AM, AprilQuilt said:

in that case, this is a great sign that Joy is paying attention to her son, gets him the appropriate expert care, and is willing/able to spend money on things to help him (I don't know where eye stuff falls under US insurance/what insurance she has) 

The bar should not be this low, of course, every child should have glasses and any other aid they might require to conduct their lives... but this kind of parental attentiveness wasn't always to be expected during Joy's childhood so props to her for doing better than the model for parenting that she had. Austin's experience as a child of a more typically-sized family probably helps. It's clear that Austin and Joy draw a lot of pleasure and enjoyment from their children and give them lots of attention, so it shouldn't be a surprise that they notice when Gideon or Evy need something, but this kind of one-on-one parenting is not what Joy grew up with and it makes me happy that she's taken to it rather than struggling to know how to engage.

I don’t recall if it was discussed here, I came across an article that said Joy took Gideon to be tested at a clinic because she was concerned he wasn’t hitting some developmental milestones. She was mostly concerned about his speech / language and about him having difficulty learning his alphabet. She had seen Jessa get help  for Henry with his speech issues. I’d guess that’s when his need for glasses was discovered. 
https://www.thelist.com/776700/why-joy-anna-duggar-is-worried-about-her-son/

[Father Son Holy Goat]

On 8/31/2022 at 2:07 PM, Mama Mia said:

I don’t recall if it was discussed here, I came across an article that said Joy took Gideon to be tested at a clinic because she was concerned he wasn’t hitting some developmental milestones. She was mostly concerned about his speech / language and about him having difficulty learning his alphabet. She had seen Jessa get help  for Henry with his speech issues. I’d guess that’s when his need for glasses was discovered. 
https://www.thelist.com/776700/why-joy-anna-duggar-is-worried-about-her-son/

Compare that to how she grew up, it was considered a big deal that the kids got dental care.

[Guanabana]

Gideon’s speech issues were discussed quite awhile ago, his vision was never mentioned then. He was evaluated and Joy even did a video with the speech pathologist. The thing is after that video it was not mentioned again. No talk about ongoing care. 

[Karma]

Great that Gideon has glasses if he needs them. I reckon he’d be better off with smaller ones as they’re huge on his little face but the main thing is he’s got them. 

I feel like Joy has returned from her visit to Carlin and launched into daily Insta stories - maybe Carlin told her how much money she’s making by doing them and Joy has decided to give it a go.  To me she sounds tired and work out, she’s not entertaining to listen to. 

[artdecades]

Joy just followed all the companies that the bates women usually promote. She dollowrd like 15 new accounts.  She’s definitely gearing up to try and make some money. 
 

 

Edited September 2, 2022 by artdecades

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, artdecades said:

Joy just followed all the companies that the bates women usually promote. She dollowrd like 15 new accounts.  She’s definitely gearing up to try and make some money. 
 

 

I guess I can’t really blame her when she grew up in front of a camera. I just hate when people use their kids constantly to make money. If it was just Joy and Austin in all the pics and videos I would be totally fine with it. But if she wants any sort of money and/or engagement, she will have to post more than just back of the head shots like Jinjer. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Ugh Joy just commented under Jessa’s post that she loved Braggie’s shitty book. It is just a book filled with her Braggy Instagram posts about how she’s a better Christian mom of many than everyone else. It’s gross. I don’t understand how people can love such a garbage book. 

[Mama Mia]

On 9/1/2022 at 11:05 PM, Guanabana said:

Gideon’s speech issues were discussed quite awhile ago, his vision was never mentioned then. He was evaluated and Joy even did a video with the speech pathologist. The thing is after that video it was not mentioned again. No talk about ongoing care. 

Probably because she took a social media break for 6 months.

[Idlewild]

IMO the Duggar daughters don’t put a lot of effort into their ‘ influencing’. Jessa’s YouTube videos are good if you like that sort of thing, but when they are shilling stuff it’s ‘this is the product, send me money’. The Bates women and the Duggar in laws (I’m thinking Hannah) are far more polished.

I get that Joy has 2 young kids and looks exhausted - I was interested in one of her recent stories she said she took advice from ‘an older mom’. Not her mom.

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, Idlewild said:

IMO the Duggar daughters don’t put a lot of effort into their ‘ influencing’. Jessa’s YouTube videos are good if you like that sort of thing, but when they are shilling stuff it’s ‘this is the product, send me money’. The Bates women and the Duggar in laws (I’m thinking Hannah) are far more polished.

I get that Joy has 2 young kids and looks exhausted - I was interested in one of her recent stories she said she took advice from ‘an older mom’. Not her mom.

Agreed. Also the Duggar ladies shill stuff that I find hard to believe that any of them really use. As an example fake eye lashes or high end beauty/ skin care products. Now Erin or Alyssa shilling makeup is believable, Joy not so much. Joy pushing camping or workout gear, yes, Jessa, not so much. 

[neuroticcat]

13 hours ago, Idlewild said:

 

I get that Joy has 2 young kids and looks exhausted - I was interested in one of her recent stories she said she took advice from ‘an older mom’. Not her mom.

Ugh if the advice was reading Abbie's MisforMama book. I really do not want that to gain traction.

Tia Levings is doing a deep dive into The Excellent Wife, by Martha Peace. It was my gateway book into fundie marriage/parenting and it is SO AWFUL. Probably written in 80s/90s - full of toxic Bible verse spiritual bypassing misogyny. I think Abbie's version is more dangerous b/c of shiny influencer packaging. But it's the same spiritually abusive BS that will lead to other kinds of abuse.

[JDuggs]

Joy and Austin are currently on a trip to Alaska.

[Maggie Mae]

On 9/8/2022 at 6:58 PM, JDuggs said:

Joy and Austin are currently on a trip to Alaska.

Ugh why. I don't need Duggars here. 

[SassyPants]

Joy and Austin really share a lot of the same outdoorsy interests. They are a good match and seem happy!

[pupper]

My husband and I took a trip to Alaska last year. However we both have good jobs and are in our sixties. How do these young, minimally employed couples afford this kind of trip?

[marmalade]

2 hours ago, pupper said:

My husband and I took a trip to Alaska last year. However we both have good jobs and are in our sixties. How do these young, minimally employed couples afford this kind of trip?

Joy mentioned that they'd been planning for over a year. I assume that meant saving in addition to finding places to camp and hike.

[Pecansforeveryone]

Plus Austin does have some skill set and work ethic to work and save up, his awful views aside.  He's not Jeremy Vulo.