Jed and Katey 2: The Hidden Engagement?

[freethemall]

1 hour ago, metheglyn said:

I don't think @PurpleCats was saying that all of Anna's family was normal. It very clearly isn't. But some of the siblings, like Susanna, who had a baby out of wedlock and is currently a CFO, and whichever brother reportedly offered to help her, are way more "normal" than some of the other members of her family or others in the cult.

The Keller parents are fundies who subscribed to Quiverfull (8 kids?) raised their children in Duggar style but crammed in a trailer and uneducated. Some kept up the toxic beliefs and were put in arranged marriages, like Anna, Esther, and recently Nathan Keller to every one's fav Jill Rod, some rebelled and escaped, like Susanna. Normal is pretty relative here, but the convo started around Amna leaving based on being from a normal family which is definitely incorrect.

[kmachete14]

According to people like Lori Alexander, arranged marriage could mean that dad picks the suitors and daughter vetoes them only after careful consideration. So, they are not “forced” to marry whomever dad picks, but can only choose someone dad picks. This is the alternative to either waiting and becoming an old maid (very real fear for some of these girls) or wasting time dating schmucks. The problem is that since physical attraction isn’t stressed on the girl’s end, and the fact that any “godly young man” that checks the boxes really doesn’t present any reason to veto, the girl may feel pressured to say yes to a man she doesn’t have chemistry with. In fact, “chemistry” may be something she actively avoids as “emotions” clouding rational judgment of a godly young man. Lori is very against the feelings of being “in love.” So, my educated guess would be this is the process described as “arranged marriage.” Not quite as constricting as in some cultures but still very limiting.

 If you were a fundie young woman, your dad being able to finesse an arranged marriage with a Duggar boy is like hitting the jackpot to these brainwashed girls! No wonder she is smiling so big. 
 

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

So we had Jed's vow to Katey earlier. I found what Katey said on another site. Here's her vows:

Quote

"Jed, in Ephesians we read "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." And in proverbs it says "The heart of the husband trusteth in her and he shall have no lack of gain she does him good not evil all the days of her life. God had ordained that the wife subject to her husband he instructs me as the one will be your wife to submit to your authority as you do to Christ. Apart from Christ I cannot love you, respect you or honor you as I should naturally I will focus on my own needs instead of yours but with Christ and by his grace I vow to submit to your leadership, pray for you always, trust you, honor you remain faithful to you, be your greatest encourager, listen to your needs and to love you whether you are healthy or sick, rich or poor, young or old. It is my desire in the light to follow you scriptural teachings and grow in Gods work together as long as we both shall live. With all my heart I make these vows to you."

 

[Mama Mia]

2 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

According to people like Lori Alexander, arranged marriage could mean that dad picks the suitors and daughter vetoes them only after careful consideration. So, they are not “forced” to marry whomever dad picks, but can only choose someone dad picks. This is the alternative to either waiting and becoming an old maid (very real fear for some of these girls) or wasting time dating schmucks. The problem is that since physical attraction isn’t stressed on the girl’s end, and the fact that any “godly young man” that checks the boxes really doesn’t present any reason to veto, the girl may feel pressured to say yes to a man she doesn’t have chemistry with. In fact, “chemistry” may be something she actively avoids as “emotions” clouding rational judgment of a godly young man. Lori is very against the feelings of being “in love.” So, my educated guess would be this is the process described as “arranged marriage.” Not quite as constricting as in some cultures but still very limiting.

 If you were a fundie young woman, your dad being able to finesse an arranged marriage with a Duggar boy is like hitting the jackpot to these brainwashed girls! No wonder she is smiling so big. 
 

 

I don’t know if it was here, or Reddit or Instagram? But somewhere Katey’s father had done a post of some kind about how he admired his grandparents arranged marriage - the young woman was in Japan and the young man was a Japanese immigrant, and the marriage was arranged before they met. And they had a good long marriage. So he has two different cultural types of arranged marriage he is drawing on. 

[Melissa1977]

56 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

I don’t know if it was here, or Reddit or Instagram? But somewhere Katey’s father had done a post of some kind about how he admired his grandparents arranged marriage - the young woman was in Japan and the young man was a Japanese immigrant, and the marriage was arranged before they met. And they had a good long marriage. So he has two different cultural types of arranged marriage he is drawing on. 

That kind of arranged marriage is not only a Japanese thing, it was pretty normal among rich European families and definitely the norm for the nobility. It was also normal in the colonial times, when men lived in foreigner lands but wanted to marry a woman from their country, so families or acquitances arranged the marriage and women travelled abroad to marry a complete stranger.

In my grandma's youth (1940's and 50's) relationships were free, but it was pretty normal that families who had a lot in common encouraged their children to court. Nothing forced, but depending on the family, "encouragement" was like an order. I think it's what fundies do.

I think arranged marriages can work well if both partners focus on it. Romantic relationships are not always the best ones, some people have another kind of feelings or needs. However, I very much doubt all those old arranged marriages worked, but as long as women submitted, it was seen as a success.

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

9 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

However, I very much doubt all those old arranged marriages worked, but as long as women submitted, it was seen as a success.

I think you hit the nail on the head here: they "worked" because nobody, especially the women, dared complain or question what was expected of them. 

[OyToTheVey]

17 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

But now I want to know the whole story lol 

I won't give too many details but ever watch Indian Matchmaking on Netflix? Basically that without a ton of money. She had a choice of guy but the one she 'connected with' was from there and she had to wait more than a year to bring him over. Basically her friends congratulated her on her marriage, his on FB sent congrats that he's coming to NYC. It's this whoooooooooooole thing. It's exactly how they show it. Apparently, the family isn't in good standing with the people in the church(Catholic) and her characteristics weren't what the guys here wanted. It's everything people really talk about when they talk about cultural stuff. 

It's very stereotypical, I know but it's what she actually wanted.  

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by OyToTheVey

[finnlassie]

Yup. Right. It's confirmed. My wedding (planning) fever has completely died after 13 years, sometimes to an absolutely unhealthy amount... this wedding absolutely over exhausted me on hearing about weddings & marriages altogether ? so there IS something I can thank the Duggars for... ???

[Mlissmartin]

On 4/4/2021 at 9:32 PM, nelliebelle1197 said:

Do you know anything about the Kellers? Anna’s family is as fundie or more so than the Duggars. Where are you getting that they are “normal”? I assume you have the Kellers confused with another family or you don’t know anything about them. At all.

I believe she was only referring to Anna's brother

[PurpleCats]

Yes, for clarity I was only referring to Anna’s brother and sister.  Her parents are whackadoodles.  Also, normal is relative so maybe “mainstream” is a better term.   Katey has a “mainstream” brother, Anna has a “mainstream” brother, but neither are all that likely to leave.  

[ven]

On the topic of arranged marriages , it is not a coincidence nicky hilton married a rothshild.  I firmly believe they all run in the same circles, and find partners from a select group of elligable partners. It is probably somewhat arranged by the adults ( as in they get to choose wich youthgroops, camps, weddings etc the young adults have acces to). But i do not have the feeling it is arranged like in for example orthodox jewish or indian marriages where the bride sees her husband 2 times. Even in european nobility,  the idea of arranged marriage is dying , otherwise william and harry would not have married common girls( with money or fame as perks, not your average waitress ofcourse) i think marrying in your own circles does have some advantages. It makes some things easier. 

[Sabine]

On 4/5/2021 at 6:51 PM, Melissa1977 said:

...................................

I think arranged marriages can work well if both partners focus on it. Romantic relationships are not always the best ones, some people have another kind of feelings or needs. However, I very much doubt all those old arranged marriages worked, but as long as women submitted, it was seen as a success.

and if they did not submit they could be beaten, deprived of food, send to a mental institution, had a lobotomy performed on them, or simply spend their adult years waiting for the husband to croak to finally be free. Also it bears to remember that the sex was a duty women had to perform at least twice a week, while for men it something akin to demanding dinner. 

Women in the old days did not have it good no matter how much they submitted irrespective of how the marriage came together, simply because they had no money to their name, no bank account to their name, no job skills, and thus depended on the hubby for a daily feed and a roof over their heads. 

And for the female duggarlings there will be a really rough waking up one day when they are with their gazillion kids and no money to feed half of them.

[Heidijoey]

I’m not sure where to watch episodes but there was a 2 season series called “Arranged” that followed a few arranged marriages. There were quite a few lifestyles shown. A Jewish couple, Indian couples, a couple whose moms were best friends, a very young couple ect . Very interesting show if you guys can find it and have a watch

[justmy2cents]

7 minutes ago, Heidijoey said:

I’m not sure where to watch episodes but there was a 2 season series called “Arranged” that followed a few arranged marriages. There were quite a few lifestyles shown. A Jewish couple, Indian couples, a couple whose moms were best friends, a very young couple ect . Very interesting show if you guys can find it and have a watch

I see it’s on Prime and Hulu

[xenobia]

I watched an interview with Kateys brother Reed that WOACB just put on her youtube channel. Lots of things to say, including:

* Katey is not 1/4 Japanese. Her father was adopted by a Japanese couple. No genetic asian connection there. 

* Reed says that the marriage was not arranged. I don't think he really knows the full story, but he says that Katey is very opinionated, and if she didn't feel 100% sure that she wanted this, she wouldn't have married Jed. 

* He also says that he's met Jed before the wedding - they spent Christmas together, and he has nothing bad to say about him. Reed also says that all of the Duggars were very nice to him and made him feel very welcome during the wedding weekend. 

You don't have to like WOACB, but it was interesting to hear directly from Kateys brother. He seems like a really great guy, and I'm glad Katey has him in her life. 

[front hugs > duggs]

17 hours ago, xenobia said:

I watched an interview with Kateys brother Reed that WOACB just put on her youtube channel. Lots of things to say, including:

* Katey is not 1/4 Japanese. Her father was adopted by a Japanese couple. No genetic asian connection there. 

* Reed says that the marriage was not arranged. I don't think he really knows the full story, but he says that Katey is very opinionated, and if she didn't feel 100% sure that she wanted this, she wouldn't have married Jed. 

* He also says that he's met Jed before the wedding - they spent Christmas together, and he has nothing bad to say about him. Reed also says that all of the Duggars were very nice to him and made him feel very welcome during the wedding weekend. 

You don't have to like WOACB, but it was interesting to hear directly from Kateys brother. He seems like a really great guy, and I'm glad Katey has him in her life. 

I'm not intending this to sound judgmental, but I'm not sure how one would be a member of the LGBTQ+ community (or another community that gets marginalized by fundamentalists) and be comfortable around people that have hatred for a community you belong to. Not saying they are similar, but as a Jew, I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable around neo-nazis or white supremacists, even if they were welcoming to me to my face. I do understand being civil and friendly to not make a scene on anyone else's important day, but then to speak up about how nice they are after? 

[seraaa]

25 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

I'm not intending this to sound judgmental, but I'm not sure how one would be a member of the LGBTQ+ community (or another community that gets marginalized by fundamentalists) and be comfortable around people that have hatred for a community you belong to. Not saying they are similar, but as a Jew, I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable around neo-nazis or white supremacists, even if they were welcoming to me to my face. I do understand being civil and friendly to not make a scene on anyone else's important day, but then to speak up about how nice they are after? 

Maybe the interviewer asked him specifically what they were like? I get the impression that he was trying to correct the record with regard to false information about his sister.

The wedding was probably pleasant enough, and it isn't like he has anything else to do with them, really. And then everyone goes back to their own lives.

Also from what he said, I infer that Jed and Katey aren't super keen to be featured heavily on the show.

Edited April 9, 2021 by seraaa

[Travelfan]

46 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

I'm not intending this to sound judgmental, but I'm not sure how one would be a member of the LGBTQ+ community (or another community that gets marginalized by fundamentalists) and be comfortable around people that have hatred for a community you belong to. Not saying they are similar, but as a Jew, I'd feel incredibly uncomfortable around neo-nazis or white supremacists, even if they were welcoming to me to my face. I do understand being civil and friendly to not make a scene on anyone else's important day, but then to speak up about how nice they are after? 

I think the big difference is that neo nazi and white supremacists actively hate. I know there are a few “christian” sects that actively hate LGBTQ+ but most do not. Many Christian sects (and I believe the Duggars) go with the whole love the sinner thing. So they would be probably be very welcoming and loving. They wouldn’t hate the person, they would desire to change them through love.  I’m not defending them at all, this approach can actually be far more damaging to someone living within their community.  It’s one thing to be hated, it’s another to feel loved and accepted but always feel that hinges on if you follow along and deny yourself.  It’s very manipulating actually and can leave very deep scars. But for someone like Kateys brother, who is not part of the group, likely his only experience will be very positive with them and they will be genuinely kind and including of him during their limited interactions. 
 

I feel a bit of a connection with the LGBTQ+, not because I’m part of that group, but because I was a closeted atheist living in a Christian community and I know what it feels like to lose that love and acceptance when you are finally honest about who you are. 

[BullyJBG]

10 hours ago, seraaa said:

Maybe the interviewer asked him specifically what they were like? I get the impression that he was trying to correct the record with regard to false information about his sister.

The wedding was probably pleasant enough, and it isn't like he has anything else to do with them, really. And then everyone goes back to their own lives.

Also from what he said, I infer that Jed and Katey aren't super keen to be featured heavily on the show.

Yes she did ask how they were to him. How they acted, and tried to ask specifics on each one. He said he never knew about the Duggars, and couldn't remember specific names of who he'd met. He said Jimbob and Michelle were really nice to him and said "come back anytime". "Crystal" said "they're probably doing that to try to convert you" and he laughed and said "good luck with that". But he mostly focused on his upbringing along with his sisters, and said several times that Katey is "very happy" and that if, by chance, this marriage IS really bad, he and the family would support her. He doesn't believe it was arranged, but specified that Katey DOES know how to think for herself. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Everyone is always nice at a wedding. It’s no surprise everyone was nice to him. When they all went home many of them likely talked about him negatively. 

[luv2laugh]

On 4/4/2021 at 8:40 PM, metheglyn said:

I don't think @PurpleCats was saying that all of Anna's family was normal. It very clearly isn't. But some of the siblings, like Susanna, who had a baby out of wedlock and is currently a CFO, and whichever brother reportedly offered to help her, are way more "normal" than some of the other members of her family or others in the cult.

What do you mean a CFO?

[metheglyn]

1 hour ago, luv2laugh said:

What do you mean a CFO?

A Chief Financial Officer. As of September 2020 at least, she was CFO for Everett Distribution Company. Weirdly, its website is apparently suspended, but the About Us page was indexed by the Wayback Machine in September. See "Susanna Bridges".
https://web.archive.org/web/20200927051149/https://everettdistributing.com/about-us/

I just noticed that the company itself does appear to be both fairly small and conservative, but it does seem to have several women in fairly high ranking positions (although at least one of them, the VP, has the same last name as the company president). Nevertheless, she's still employed outside the home in a position with responsibility over men, unlike most of the rest of the female Keller daughters and daughters-in-law.

From their company description on the page above:

Quote

 

EDCO is a faith based, family run company offering trustworthy and reliable freight transportation services since 2000. We specialize in shipping construction equipment, heavy machinery, and other large loads with ethical and efficient service. EDCO is fully licensed and insured to haul loads throughout the United States. Our experienced drivers can transport loads of many sizes, shapes or dimensions.
Contact a trucking company you can trust, call EDCO at (386) 386-6538.
Our skilled and friendly staff will be happy to assist with your transportation needs

At EDCO our Mission Statement is:

Love God more than anything or anyone
Treat others as we want to be treated
Provide top quality service

We stand by these principles in order to offer both our customers and our drivers the very best level of service possible. We appreciate your visit and look forward to an opportunity to work with you.

 

 

[Aine]

On 4/5/2021 at 11:40 AM, metheglyn said:

I don't think @PurpleCats was saying that all of Anna's family was normal. It very clearly isn't. But some of the siblings, like Susanna, who had a baby out of wedlock and is currently a CFO, and whichever brother reportedly offered to help her, are way more "normal" than some of the other members of her family or others in the cult.

Anna's sister, Rebekah, is also fairly mainstream and I think quite wealthy. She had Susanna live with her in Texas (or nearby) after the birth of Noelle and was supportive of her. Her brother, Daniel, is also not fundie anymore. Both of them are also on their second marriages.

I know it has gone back and forth on this thread about what the original poster meant about Anna having "normal family" but to me it always referred to Anna having a few siblings who were no longer as fundie as their parents and had left the full-on IBLP cult lifestyle, even if they may still be conservative mainstream Christians. And that despite the fact Anna had people close to her leave, she stayed, even when her gross husband betrayed her and was unmasked as a sex offender who abused his own sisters. ?‍♀️

The Kellers have a mixed record with keeping the kids within their fold of fundie-dom- of their 7 married kids, they have 3 who have at least partially left (Rebekah, Daniel, and Susanna) and 4 who have stayed so far (Esther, Priscilla, Anna, and Nathan). Having close family who have left is definitely a pro as far as the chances that someone might leave fundie life but it's not a guarantee.

My post isn't Jed and Katey related but I've seen this go back and forth a few times and wanted to add my 2 cents. I'll give a couple of points to the Kellers for not ostracizing their children who have "strayed" completely and to Katey for still wanting her brother at her wedding. Points for that don't count for much in the grand scheme but it's nicer than complete abandonment and it hopefully gives an example to other individuals that there is life outside the cult and maybe that life could be okay and not mean losing your entire family forever.

[ihaveanexamintwodays]

I wonder how Anna feels about Jill - she has no room to judge her SIL given her own siblings have "strayed" further, but I can't help but think that some part of Anna is staying back from the new pariah of the Duggar sibs...

Back to J'Katey and their wedding - some insta fanpages are floating around a pic of the photographer taking a photograph of the family. From what I can see, it looks like Jinger and Johannah (the buddy team) are in bridesmaid dresses, Joy is not (she's wearing black/navy short dress), the Dillards did attend, and Lauren looks not-bumping. *creeper mode*

[marmalade]

Honeymoon pics are posted on Jed's IG. He looks more relaxed than I've ever seen him. He must be enjoying the SEX!!!! ?