Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 31

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Apologies if this has been posted before. 

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"Fresh Terrorists"

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We don’t just need police reform in this nation. We need justice reform.

Last weekend, Saturday Night Live did a skit of a morning news show where the white hosts were certain Derek Chauvin would be convicted while the black hosts were like, “eh…we’re not so sure.” I’ll be honest, I will not be shocked if Chauvin walks. Sure, his defense has been ridiculous, but have you met white America? The jury is mostly white and they only need to convince one juror there’s doubt of Chauvin’s guilt…not even that he is innocent. They only need one juror to refuse to convict. Let me remind you, they’re in white Minnesota.

Last June, the National Guard used tear gas to clear protesters away from the White House for no reason other than a photo-op for Donald Trump. The attack from the government came before curfew in broad daylight. The protesters were peaceful. Later, additional fences and barriers were placed around the White House. The protesters were protesting against police violence on black Americans.

Before the attack on the U.S. Capitol on January 6, the Capitol Police were told not to use their most aggressive tactics or weapons against the expected “protesters.” Those protesters were terrorists. They were white terrorists. Now, do you honestly believe they would have been told to hold back if they were expecting black protesters? After the white terrorists broke into the Capitol, one was killed by the Capitol Police. If they were black, how many do you think would have died?

MAGAts are still defending the terrorists and they want the cop prosecuted who shot her. Do you think they’d be making the same demands if the terrorist was black and a part of “antifa?”

Daunte Wright was killed by police in Minnesota last Sunday. They police say it was an “accidental” shooting because the cop, a 26-year veteran, mistakenly used her Glock pistol instead of her taser. Police later said they pulled him over for an expired tag, but moments before they killed him, Wright called his mother and said he had been pulled over because his rearview air freshener was obstructing his view. How often do white people get pulled over for air fresheners?

Do you believe Army Lt. Caron Nazario would have been assaulted by police in Virginia if he was white? Do you think they would have approached his vehicle with guns drawn if he was white? Do you think they would have at least apologized by now if he was white? The chief of the Windsor Police Department says the department doesn’t owe Nazario an apology and even though they’ve fired one of the cops, wishes Nazario “would have complied a whole lot earlier.” Somehow, it’s still the black guy’s fault for being pulled over and pepper sprayed despite not breaking any laws. In Windsor, they haven’t fired enough cops yet.

The National Guard tear gassed a black crowd in Washington, D.C. The Capitol Police were told not to be aggressive with a white crowd. The Chauvin defense has witnesses saying he wasn’t aggressive enough while killing George Floyd. The Windsor Police will not apologize for how aggressive they were to Lt. Nazario.

The best evidence we need police reform is America’s police. No more racist cops. No more system of systemic racism.

 

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"Gun Control Absolutely Positively Right Now"

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Another day in America, another mass shooting.

After a recent mass shooting when Democrats in the Senate said we need legislation to stop this insanity, and not JUST thoughts and prayers, Senator Ted Cruz, the most disingenuous sonofabitch who has ever hatched from an egg, was livid. How dare Democrats play “theatrics” by attacking thoughts and prayers and instead, suggesting solutions. Even saying we need more than thoughts and prayers is an assault on our Christian values.

If you had listened to Ted Cruz, you would have thought Democrats had left a flaming bag of turds on the steps of the Thoughts and Prayers Institute for Gun Violence and Other Things To Be Sad About.

Ted Cruz talked about how he believes in the power of prayer. But here’s the thing about believing in the power of prayer like Ted does: It’s not working.

Ted talked about the power of prayer several mass shootings ago. Thursday night, another mass shooting took eight lives. This one was in Indianapolis at a FedEx facility. This was at least the 45th mass shooting since March 16, 2021.

In case you’re a Republican, let me lay that out for you. It was the 45th mass shooting in the span of a month. CNN defines a mass shooting as when four or more people, excluding the gunman, are wounded or killed. If you are going to order cards for thoughts and prayers, you better place a bulk order.

After the mass shooting in Georgia, or maybe it was Colorado (it’s getting harder to keep track), two right-wing fucknut fundamentalist cartoonists did cartoons of a crying Uncle Sam on the exact same day. They didn’t address the problem except to say it was sad. One of those morons lives in Indianapolis. Since he had just drawn a crying Uncle Sam, he had to come up with something different for an empty useless gesture. For this one, he had someone hugging a FedEx delivery driver.

The most revolting thing to me about this is that cartoonist works for himself. Nobody demanded he draw something that was a totally useless cliché. No editor held him back and forced him to take a coward’s way out. His response to something in his community was just as empty as his response to when it happens somewhere else. He didn’t even both trying to make it unique or particular to his home. He let his community down just as he’s been letting his country down. And nobody made him do it. He chose to suck all on his own. Just like Ted Cruz.

I don’t expect my cartoon above, or any of the others I’ve drawn on the subject, to end gun violence. But I am adding my voice to many others to find a solution other than just praying for it. I don’t keep repeating the same empty gesture again and again. For right-wing cartoonists, they express it’s sad people die from weapons they believe everyone should be able to own. Tomorrow, they’ll draw some phony outrage about a Hunter Biden sex tape or some shit that doesn’t affect anyone except their white privilege. Maybe they’ll draw a cartoon telling black people cops will stop shooting them if they just follow basic instructions. But when faced with a real challenge, they will fail. Like me, they’re just cartoonists.

Ted Cruz is a politician. Ted was elected to stop shit like this. He’s paid to confront gun violence. He’s one of 50 members of the United States Senate that doesn’t want to do anything about gun violence. Seriously. They don’t want to do anything. They are owned and controlled by the National Rifle Association. And when pressed to do something, they react as if you attacked their lord and savior. It’s a great deflection when you’re full of shit.

Ted Cruz giving thoughts and prayers when a mass shooting happens is him fleeing the situation just like when he fled to Cancun when his state was hit with a freeze. Ted Cruz says drafting legislation to combat gun violence is “theater.” This guy calling it “theater” is the same fucko who once made a campaign commercial of him cooking bacon by wrapping it around the barrel of an AR-15, then heating the barrel by shooting the gun a thousand times…then he ate that flaccid bacon as if that was owning the libs. That doesn’t own the libs. What it does is make libs lose their appetites after seeing Ted Cruz put stuff in his mouth. It works like reverse porn. Also, it’s shit like this that makes people think he’s the Zodiac Killer.

I believe in thoughts and prayers. I’m agnostic, but I think praying for someone is positive. It can be like meditation. Also, thinking is good. Give problems some thought. But, that’s what you do while you’re also tackling the problem.

When I have a problem with my Surface Pro, like the stylus decides to stop working while I’m on a CNN deadline, I tackle the problem. I’m googling up solutions and trying them out. All during that time, I’m praying it’s going to work. Granted, my prayers are probably different from yours and go something like, “You better work, you no good useless piece of crap sonofabitch mother forkerforkerforkforkforker….etc.” But, praying, or cursing at the problem, isn’t the only thing I’m doing.

Have you ever told someone you’re “still thinking about it” when you’re actually not? Like being asked if you’re coming home for Thanksgiving where all your troglodyte Trump-supporting cousins will be there talking about the stolen election and Jewish space lasers, and you say, “I’m still thinking about it”? But you’re not thinking about it. There’s no way you’re going to that shit festival of morons. You’ve already made up your mind that instead of going home to eat turkey and casserole with lunatics, you’re going to get a WaWa gobbler sandwich and a six-pack of Red Stripe, then sit home and watch Dallas lose to whoever they’re playing this year. That’s what I’m gonna do.

That’s thoughts and prayers for politicians.

Is it too much to ask politicians, even the most creepy disingenuous ones like Ted Cruz, to multitask and pray while also actually doing something? I mean, doing something other than accepting a campaign contribution?

When you pray for something to get better, are you literally asking God to fix it? Are you putting it entirely on God to do what you were elected to do? And as I’ve mentioned before, when you offer thoughts and prayers, you don’t even have to do it. Nobody knows if you’re actually giving something a thought or a prayer. It’s really the most useless thing you can do for a problem. Next time you get a flat tire, just pray for it. Don’t change the tire yourself or get your hands dirty. Let God fix it. Let me know how that works out.

FedEx used to have a slogan that said, “When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.” FedEx doesn’t pray packages get to their destinations. They actually physically deliver them. Washington Republican mofos need to do more than pray to end gun violence. Obviously, their thoughts and prayers are NOT working. Nobody is paying me the kind of money Ted Cruz is being given by taxpayers, but I know that if you don’t do anything about a problem, it’s just going to get worse.

We need gun control, not last night or overnight. We need to ban assault weapons absolutely, positively right fucking now.

 

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"Tulio Carlos Esta Noches"

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Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist and with every new show, it’s less subtle.

Tucker has spoken in the past about the Great Replacement Theory and I covered it in this blog in 2019. Jesus, Tucker’s been on this racist shit for a while.

So, what is the Great Replacement Theory? It’s a fear by white people that in the future, they will no longer be the dominant race in this nation. Do you know who else had that fear? Adolph Hitler.

Tucker says white supremacy doesn’t exist and every night on his show, he proves otherwise. He is a white supremacist and he has a prime-time slot on the number-one rated (HA) news show in the country. As Tucker argues white supremacy doesn’t exist, former Grand Wizard David Duke tells his followers to watch Tucker because he’s talking to them. It’s all winks and nudges, but Tucker’s racism is becoming more open.

Last week, Tucker went on again about the Great Replacement Theory and how Democrats are bringing “illegals” into our nation in order to create Democratic Party voters. Just forget the fact “illegals” don’t vote. No. And in case you’re building a case about millions, or thousands, or hundreds, or dozens of immigrants in this nation voting illegally, stop it. They don’t. They don’t sponge welfare and they’re not voting. But Tucker would have you think otherwise. This is why Donald Trump watches his show.

If you listen to white conservatives, they will have you believe they are the most persecuted people in world history. Hitler’s book is literally titled, “My Struggle.” Poor little baby Hitler. Did the Nazis have wambulances? Hitler never had a Fox News.

Hitler warned about Jews replacing “real Germans.” Today, Tucker Carlson is warning about brown people replacing white people. Tucker, you’re a fucking racist. Other big fans of this bullshit theory are Donald Trump, Ken Cuccinelli, Stephen Miller, David Duke, and all those tiki-torch wielding Nazis in Charlottesville who were chanting, “Jews will not replace us.”

Tucker, when you talk about “replacement,” you are literally using the same word as the tiki-torch Nazis.

White people will not be the majority of this nation in the future, but we’re not being replaced. We’re not going anywhere. There will always be whiny-ass white guys crying that being unable to deny darker-skinned people their rights is a violation of their rights. There will always be white people crying that their being unable to say the N-word when visiting your establishment is “cancel culture” and an attack on their freedom of speech.

People who want to build walls, like Tucker, believe diversity is the greatest threat to this nation. The truth is, it’s our greatest asset. Diversity is what makes our nation great…or it will make it great. Right now, we’re still a racist nation. Proof of that is over 70 million racist voted for Donald Trump in 2020 and Tucker Carlson Tonight is the number-one rated news show. To fix this, we do need to replace some white people…white people like Tucker and everyone who watches his racist TV show.

We need to replace Tucker and his racist fuckers and tell them, “Hasta la vista.”

Creative note: I had another idea on Tucker and the “great replacement theory,” but I saw two similar ideas last night on Facebook. Around 3:00 a.m, just as I was going to bed, this idea hit me. As I worked on it, it kept evolving. It went from, “If the ‘great replacement theory’ was actually a thing” to “Tucker’s nightmare.” My Spanish lessons are paying off but I did spend an hour thinking of a “replacement” name for “Tucker.”

I love the trumpy bear bedtime companion.

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