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Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool


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JermajestyDuggar

I felt super guilty that I didn’t give my youngest as much attention as my first in his first year of life. If I could, I would go back in time and tell myself not to feel guilty at all. Because my younger one became an attention vacuum and got a huge amount of attention from age 3 to now compared to his older brother. He needs so much attention all the time. I can’t wait until he’s more independent. 

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I grew up with some pretty horrific beliefs. One thing that helped me change is that people did react in horror when I said really awful stuff. If people in my life had just quietly tolerated my hatef

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GuineaPigCourtship

I think it's very natural to worry about time because while the love may multiply infinitely, the amount of hours in the day stays the same. However, I'm a younger child and I don't remember feeling like I missed out on my parents' attention. They also busted their butts to keep my older brother happy and involved during the pregnancy and my infancy which I think contributed to a positive relationship between us as well. He just told me the other day his first memory is going to see me in the hospital when I was born (he was 2.5). Both parents worker full time my whole childhood.

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Melissa1977

Zoey's birthday party looks really cute. At least, Alyssa always organise very nice parties for the girls. It's something! 

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Jackie3
2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Zoey's birthday party looks really cute. At least, Alyssa always organise very nice parties for the girls. It's something! 

Alyssa's all about the optics. Did Zoey have a good time? Did the older girls get attention or did they feel neglected? Were there too many kids? Were there enough activities but not too many, enough sugar-laded food but not too much? This is what makes a good party.

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PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea

Maybe not having a party during a pandemic is the sign of a good party?

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SassyPants

Per YouTube, Maci and Zoey both have desks in the homeschool room. Maci has an assembled desk. Maci is 6 weeks old. WTH-

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Tdoc72
3 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Per YouTube, Maci and Zoey both have desks in the homeschool room. Maci has an assembled desk. Maci is 6 weeks old. WTH-

Honestly, she probably just went ahead and bought them so everything matched. She did mention in the vid that Maci wasn’t ready to do school. 

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J'Lurker

I get the matching desks. Waiting til the  baby is old enough for school and there's no way it would match. 

But if they have another blessing, they'll be short a desk and have to buy all new ones or mismatch then.

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SassyPants

Since they plan to HS (forever?),I think I’d let my kids pick their own desk from a slate that I had preselected. At least they’d have some say, and I could reasonably coordinate, if that was important to me. Of course I can’t imagine thinking a 3 YO needing a desk.

3-4-5 YOs should be outside playing, inside cooking, listening to mom read and generally learning about the world around them. Skills like picking up toys, tying their shoes, wiping their own noses and butts, brushing their teeth and getting along with others could be learned as well.

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Queen Of Hearts

The desk criticism seems very BEC to me.  If it were me, I would buy the matching desks at once, too, so they match. Also, looking at the style of desk they seem to need to be in pairs anyway. Plus I am sure child #3 (sorry, I can not keep track of all the little kids names in that family) was thrilled to have a space like her older sisters, even if she just uses it for coloring right now.  

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indianabones
18 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Maybe not having a party during a pandemic is the sign of a good party?

Based on how much food Alyssa made, I assumed that all of her in-laws were there and she's savvy enough to not post pictures of them.

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Melissa1977
1 hour ago, indianabones said:

she's savvy enough to not post pictures of them.

She rarely posts pictures of Websters, despite they are very close. I think it's Websters who don't want to be posted.

If the party was for Webster grandparents, I wouldn't be worried of covid. These people babysit Alyssa's girls very often, so they are the same "bubble". If there were other relatives or friends, that could be a problem. But I'm sure all of them are covid deniers so arent worried at all. 

Alyssa has been posting about the many Bates that visited her, so she doesn't hide her unmasked social interaction.

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freethemall

Watched the house tour, a bit jealous they can have both a separate "living room" (it's not done but seems it'll be a bit more of a formal living room?) and a den/family room upstairs. 

However, if it was me, this is how I would have organized the rooms (and again this is just me, someone else would do it differently and this may be somewhat BEC but it's kind of fun to play around with how different people set up their houses):

Downstairs front room (current school room): I would make this the formal living room, area for family time, like if I was religious I'd imagine it'd be a good place to do bible time and read and all that or just have company over. And for sure without question 110% I would knock down the wall between the dining-living to have an open layout from the kitchen to the living.

Dining room I would keep as dining room, but see the note about knocking down the living-dining wall, I don't know why even in the current configuration they didn't do this

Downstairs room off kitchen (current living room): I would make this the family TV/entertainment room, so the big leather couch, maybe small toy area to distract the kids. But separate from...

Upstairs room (current family/play room): I would make this the school AND play room because I would want to encourage play through learning as much as possible. So for instance an area with books with a comfy bean bag/pillow area to encourage reading, an art corner, I'd keep the toy storage bin console, and I'd probably have a big table in the middle for actual group learning and projects rather than individual desks, though keeping mom's individual teacher desk. So maybe something like this, keeping to her more simple/neutral aesthetic, but with a bit more color:

image.thumb.png.447619e415cb537574c1714b381a832d.png

 

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Jackie3
4 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

The desk criticism seems very BEC to me.  If it were me, I would buy the matching desks at once, too, so they match. Also, looking at the style of desk they seem to need to be in pairs anyway. Plus I am sure child #3 (sorry, I can not keep track of all the little kids names in that family) was thrilled to have a space like her older sisters, even if she just uses it for coloring right now.  

Child #3 is staring "school" in August. She just turned 3.

4 hours ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

The desk criticism seems very BEC to me.  If it were me, I would buy the matching desks at once, too, so they match.

I'd take each child to IKEA and let them pick out their own desk, so they'd own it and have some control. It could be part of the ritual of being old enough to start school. 

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luv2laugh
On 3/18/2021 at 5:17 PM, Jackie3 said:

She also seems to like things neat and tidy. When you have four kids under six, nothing is neat and tidy (unless you put them in front of the TV all day.) It must be so frustrating to her! And bored kids (who have been home all day while mom reapplies her makeup, posts on social media and unpacks) make even more of a mess.

Have you been in the MisForMama thread?

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SassyPants

I’ll own BEC on this one. Buying a desk for a newborn baby merely to have matching furniture reeks of privilege. Not to mention that by the time Maci is 3, Allie will be within weeks of turning 7 and will  probably be in need of a new desk-

Edited by SassyPants
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Jackie3
2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I’ll own BEC on this one. Buying a desk for a newborn baby merely to have matching furniture reeks of privilege. Not to mention that by the time Maci is 3, Allie will be within weeks of turning 7 and will  probably be in need of a new desk-

Privilege? What do you mean? People can spend their money on whatever they like. Rich or poor, people often spend money foolishly. I don't think wasting $100 makes you privileged, it makes you stupid.

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SassyPants
8 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

Privilege? What do you mean? People can spend their money on whatever they like. Rich or poor, people often spend money foolishly. I don't think wasting $100 makes you privileged, it makes you stupid.

Privileged is having any about of money to stupidly waste. I just can’t imagine a young family with 4 kids, a new home...wasting money on a piece of furniture for a baby that will not be used for years. Further, one can be simultaneously both privileged and stupid-

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SorenaJ

Having the additional space in your house to have a desk for a literal newborn that won't be used for years, when that particular space could be utilized so much better, definitely makes you privileged. 

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Melissa1977

Calling privileged a middle class family is dangerous. Alyssa is not privileged for being able to buy forniture or having health insurance or go on vacation. If she's privileged, how we call the millionaries?

I think that using the word privileged as a synonim for middle class makes poverty seen as normal or average or even ethic (conversely to those who have money to waste). On the other side, puts middle class on the same group as millionaries, which make millionaries look "normal" and not guilty of social inequalities (or at least, not more guilty than middle class).

The word privileged is being broadly used nowadays. In twitter there are lots of messages saying things like being fertile is a privilege, having clean tap water is a privilege, having a well paid job is a privilege... I'm sure really privileged people are laughing!

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treehugger

According to the World Bank over 43% of the world’s population lives on less than $5.50 a day.  Middle class is privileged.  The amount of wealth accrued by the filthy rich should be criminal.  

The problem with saying the middle class doesn’t benefit from privilege is that it can feed into the pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mentality, when too many people will never be able to attain even that modicum level of comfort through no fault of their own.  I am surrounded by people who are comfortably middle class who have no sympathy for those less fortunate because after all, anyone can work hard and make it.  They did 🙄

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PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea

However you define privilege, I think we can all agree social media is full of people showing off, or just showing things that others don't have access to. I think social media is pretty terrible overall but I don't see the culture changing anytime soon.

I tend to think of people being unaware of their privilege and uninterested in helping others as the major problem. Us middle class, white, CIS etc. people don't have to feel guilty about our privilege but rather, try to use it for good.

It's interesting to think about in the context of the shrinking middle class though.

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Melissa1977
45 minutes ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Us middle class, white, CIS etc. people don't have to feel guilty about our privilege but rather, try to use it for good

That's my problem with the definition of privilege. Maybe it's because English is not my language.

For me, telling average people they are privileged because they are not suffering as much as others is complicated. It's making them feel bad, instead of focusing in the injustice or inequality for others. If someone who owns a house is a privileged, then having a house becomes something special and is no longer a right. At some point, it's a "reduction ad absurdum" and those living in miserable houses are still privileged because there are others without a roof. 

It's even worse when someone labels as "privileged" to those with fertility or good health. No, they are not privileged, they are average. Let's focus on help those who had a disability or health/fertility issues, no need to pretend average is privilege.

In my country unemployement is a problem. Often people with jobs are called privileged. These ideas make working people angry to each other, envious of each other. And that way, nobody looks at the real privileged.

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SassyPants
12 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

That's my problem with the definition of privilege. Maybe it's because English is not my language.

For me, telling average people they are privileged because they are not suffering as much as others is complicated. It's making them feel bad, instead of focusing in the injustice or inequality for others. If someone who owns a house is a privileged, then having a house becomes something special and is no longer a right. At some point, it's a "reduction ad absurdum" and those living in miserable houses are still privileged because there are others without a roof. 

It's even worse when someone labels as "privileged" to those with fertility or good health. No, they are not privileged, they are average. Let's focus on help those who had a disability or health/fertility issues, no need to pretend average is privilege.

In my country unemployement is a problem. Often people with jobs are called privileged. These ideas make working people angry to each other, envious of each other. And that way, nobody looks at the real privileged.

The way I see it is we have to acknowledge the lowest levels of privilege because those in power (at least in the 2 countries I live in) actively work to make it a pure 2 tier system. A few having every thing while the rest have nothing. I’ll admit, I am privileged. I have a lot that I have worked for, but I realize that many did not and do not have the same opportunities, d/t zero fault of their own. I think those in power would like nothing more than to eliminate the middle class, but they just haven’t figured out who would pay the bills!

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HermioneSparrow
16 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I’ll own BEC on this one. Buying a desk for a newborn baby merely to have matching furniture reeks of privilege. Not to mention that by the time Maci is 3, Allie will be within weeks of turning 7 and will  probably be in need of a new desk-

Ummm, I'm pretty sure Allie will be six years old next week, by the time she's 7, Maci will be 1.

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