Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool

[Bazinga]

22 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Some time ago it was 6PM (to 6 or 7AM), with a 2 hours nap after lunch. It's very difficult for a child to sleep so early if they had an afternoon nap and many children don't sleep 12 hours in a row. Allie and Lexi weren't babies (they were 4 and 2 I think). Plus they seem to spend their days indoors, so I doubt they are physically very tired. It's different if children spend hours in swimming pools, parks etc. 

Alyssa posted that she wanted private time with John from 6PM to midnight. They enjoy childfree time, which is great, but then... don't have 4 kids! 

So basically children slept 14 hours a day and were TVschooled 3 more hours. She can't say she lacks free time.

Yes, thank you for posting this. I hadn't had time to respond. This is exactly how I remembered it too. I love bedtime and the free hours I get alone with my husband at night, but not at the expense of my children. They need family time and time with their father too. I always read Alyssa's bedtime schedule as just her being done with her kids for the day and that was that. Like you said, if your free time is so important to you, stop having more children.

16 hours ago, freethemall said:

I'm confused because you asked why we're making excuses for her and then you made a bunch of excuses for her including "at least they're fed". That's one excuse I don't buy when you're privileged enough to both know and afford better, because despite her upbringing they're well-off now. Like someone else said, you dont have to have a college degree to know that cookies and fruit punch are an unhealthy snack, pediatricians specifically ask you now how often kids eat desserts like cookies. It can be a treat now and then, but not everyday, and milk is generally the standard for kids under 4. When it comes down to it, Alyssa is dumb, lazy, and vain above all else, and that's what guides all these decisions.

Sorry if I sounded wishy-washy. To make myself clear, I meant more like why are we making excuses for her not knowing about nutrition and nutritious foods. I don't buy it for one bit that she doesn't know. With that said, I'd be a HUGE hypocrite calling out Alyssa for what she feeds her kids when I resort to boxed cereals and frozen waffles most days for my own children. Just because I make fresh dinners every night doesn't make me mom of the year, thus my comment of at least they're being fed. I still believe she knows damn well that her food choices are crap though.

[GreenBeans]

2 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

Why? What her husband eats has nothing to do with how she eats.

Well... fundie or not, trying to accommodate different eating habits in a family can be A LOT of hassle. 

[Tdoc72]

On 3/23/2021 at 3:52 PM, UnicornHunter said:

After she shared her pantry she posted “many of you have been asking me about the optivia drinks and shakes you saw.”

No, no we didn’t Alyssa. 
 

Also is that a drink mixer on the bottom left?

I’m not bothered that she has drink pouches for her kids but I am bothered by them being in 2 places in the pantry. That would drive me nuts in mine. And the way they’re lined up on the floor?  It would’ve been easier to just leave them in their box.

My pantry:  

 

[HeartsAFundie]

9 hours ago, Tdoc72 said:

I’m not bothered that she has drink pouches for her kids but I am bothered by them being in 2 places in the pantry. That would drive me nuts in mine. And the way they’re lined up on the floor?  It would’ve been easier to just leave them in their box.

My pantry:  

 

I like your Merry Mushroom canister set. 

[kmachete14]

similarly to how Alyssa names her kids the "cool" 90s names, I think she feeds them "crap" food because she never got to have those "cool" foods as a kid. Lunchables, uncrustables, fruit by the foot, juice pouches, happy meals . . . 

[nausicaa]

On 3/25/2021 at 2:55 PM, Jackie3 said:

It takes a bit of time to prepare fruits and veggies for kids. It takes time to get out paints, let your kids have fun, then clean up. These are simple things that demonstrate good parenting. They don't have to be complicated or pintrest worthy. They just take a bit of time and effort. Working moms and SAHM moms are both capable of such things, and you certainly dont' have to be crafty. 

My mom is likely in the running for least crafty woman to ever walk the planet. She also, frankly, can be kinda lazy. But when I was little I still remember playing with Play Doh, having plenty of coloring books and construction paper to do what I wanted with, having limits on my TV time, and playing outside for hours on end. I also went to school for more hands-on educational activities and my mom did make sure we always had the supplies we needed for any class projects. 

My mom also cannot really cook and hates meal preparation, and looking back we were raised on way too many processed foods. But she did limit dessert, and most of her biggest processed crutches were things like fruit snacks and canned vegetables that in the 80s and 90s were still being pitched as "healthy."

I do wonder how much of Alyssa's blind spots are from laziness, and how much are from having very different priorities. She does have the pristine house, coordinated wardrobe, and photo shoots that my frazzled, anti-June Cleaver mother would never have been able to manage.

Edited March 26, 2021 by nausicaa

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, kmachete14 said:

similarly to how Alyssa names her kids the "cool" 90s names, I think she feeds them "crap" food because she never got to have those "cool" foods as a kid. Lunchables, uncrustables, fruit by the foot, juice pouches, happy meals . . . 

I'm not sure Alyssa gives her girls junk food just to make them happy. I think she is too lazy to cook and, in addition, she has to pick her battles. She says she has no patience, but she  has to train them to stay quiet for the long and dull TV lessons, she forces them to sleep long hours (it's not easy!), trains Allie to do chores, has to deal with tantrums etc. Probably Alyssa does not find the energy for more trainings. It's easier to give them carbs and sugar and have them quiet and content at meal times. 

I know it's not difficult at all to offer healthy meals to the kids and that they usually love it. But if someone lacks patience, doesn't like cooking and wants the kids to eat quickly and quietly... Obviously junk food is the way.

[nausicaa]

14 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

Well... fundie or not, trying to accommodate different eating habits in a family can be A LOT of hassle. 

This is fair, but I also think John's preferences shouldn't affect what she feeds the kids for breakfast and lunch most days, as well as their snacks. And if he got demanding and expected her to be a short order cook, I also think she'd be within her rights to tell him to put up or shut up. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 hours ago, kmachete14 said:

similarly to how Alyssa names her kids the "cool" 90s names, I think she feeds them "crap" food because she never got to have those "cool" foods as a kid. Lunchables, uncrustables, fruit by the foot, juice pouches, happy meals . . . 

Those things were a very rare treat when I was growing up. If we wanted junk food, my mom said we had to make it ourselves. So I learned to bake at a young age and made cookies and cakes from scratch all the time. The cookies I made most often were no bake cookies. You know the ones with oats, peanut butter, and chocolate. I still love those. 

[Jackie3]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

I know it's not difficult at all to offer healthy meals to the kids and that they usually love it. But if someone lacks patience, doesn't like cooking and wants the kids to eat quickly and quietly... Obviously junk food is the way.

I think it's three things.

1. It's what she's used to. I think she grew up on junk. Kelly doesn't like to cook. Once Kelly posted a picture of "breakfast" for the kids still at home. It was a basket--yes, a wicker basket--full of instant oatmeal packages. (This is far more costly than cooking up a pot of oatmeal, by the way). When you have a million kids to care for, as Kelly did, you just don't have the time or energy to make a lasagna to feed everyone. It's far easier to serve frozen pizza.

2. It's easy. It's true that children will often happily eat healthy food, especially if they are used to it. However, if you want a hands-down, sure-fire winner with small children, you feed them sweet and starchy things, frozen dinos, lunchables, etc.

3. She wants to please her kids. Alyssa considers Chef Boyardee a real treat, so she wants to give her kids the "good stuff" too.

I don't believe that Alyssa was deprived of this stuff as a kid, and is making up for it now. I believe that she grew up with the idea that oatmeal came from a small package and that pizza was bread and tomato sauce. So that is what she is doing now.

[Satan'sFortress]

It's too bad that she felt she had no choice but to have lots and lots of children. As others have said, she probably could have had a career outside the home, worn pretty close, and enjoyed time alone with her husband whenever she wanted to do. She could have been the cool auntie tes to all of her siblings' children.

[fluffernutter]

I was raised on processed and cheap food. My mom had five brothers and sisters and a sketchy home-life. Her dad had died and her mom was largely absent. They definitely had periods of not having any food at all. She didn't seem to have a lot of knowledge on nutrition, either. My school lunches would be, say, a fluffernutter (haha) sandwich, chips, and a little Debbie. There were some truly nasty dinners- the worst was frozen waffles, sprinkled with sugar, and cream of chicken soup poured on top. She called it chicken and waffles and until I was an adult I didn't realize what chicken and waffles really was. Other gems were tuna on white bread served with egg noodles, which I can see must've been her take on tuna noodle casserole. I guess when they were kids they would just improvise and then that's what she got used to. We weren't quite middle class but we never struggled to get groceries, either, so it wasn't a money thing. She passed away when my kids were still young but she used to get upset when I "made" them eat their veggies and other healthy foods. No point here really regarding Alyssa, just remembering my experience. 

[Jackie3]

What is with the endless videos about moving? Doesn't she realize people move all the time? My takeaway about this move is:

1. I am incredibly jealous over all the family support she has. Both sides of the family, too. Alyssa's enormous family is coming in handy, since they seem to arrive in shifts to babysit and renovate. So jealous.

2. They have a lot of stuff. Alyssa's closet, her clothes and shoes, seem far more extensive than the average woman (certainly more extensive than mine). She seems to have somehow provided her kids with lots of clothes, too, plus they have their toys. Plus she has a newborn, so that involves more things. John seems to always be in jeans, so I am not sure he is part of the problem. Maybe it's me (I'm a minimalist) but she seems to have a lot of possessions.

[AussieKrissy]

5 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

What is with the endless videos about moving? Doesn't she realize people move all the time? My takeaway about this move is:

1. I am incredibly jealous over all the family support she has. Both sides of the family, too. Alyssa's enormous family is coming in handy, since they seem to arrive in shifts to babysit and renovate. So jealous.

2. They have a lot of stuff. Alyssa's closet, her clothes and shoes, seem far more extensive than the average woman (certainly more extensive than mine). She seems to have somehow provided her kids with lots of clothes, too, plus they have their toys. Plus she has a newborn, so that involves more things. John seems to always be in jeans, so I am not sure he is part of the problem. Maybe it's me (I'm a minimalist) but she seems to have a lot of possessions.

*that tiki chick has provided all their clothes, fixed that for you. Lol i know she hasn’t but she sure has contributed. 

[Karma]

6 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

What is with the endless videos about moving?

I watched the YouTube moving video ... yawn.  I was a bit concerned that the ceiling fan is within reach of the top bunk - I get the girls mixed up, but one of them was able to easily reach out and spin it round. That’s a recipe for disaster.  I hope they are wooden blades and not metal. 

[SorenaJ]

On 3/26/2021 at 9:26 PM, Melissa1977 said:

I'm not sure Alyssa gives her girls junk food just to make them happy. I think she is too lazy to cook and, in addition, she has to pick her battles. She says she has no patience, but she  has to train them to stay quiet for the long and dull TV lessons, she forces them to sleep long hours (it's not easy!), trains Allie to do chores, has to deal with tantrums etc. Probably Alyssa does not find the energy for more trainings. It's easier to give them carbs and sugar and have them quiet and content at meal times. 

I know it's not difficult at all to offer healthy meals to the kids and that they usually love it. But if someone lacks patience, doesn't like cooking and wants the kids to eat quickly and quietly... Obviously junk food is the way.

Really sorry, I know what you mean by your post, but I am just going to do a quick fact check on that one, because there are many misconceptions.  

Carbohydrates are 1 of the 3 macronutrients that your body needs (the other being protein and fat), and should be the body's main source of energy. Carbohydrates are a broad category, consisting of fibre, starches and sugars. There are many healthy sources of carbohydrates, such as higher fibre starchy foods (such as whole wheat grains), vegetables, fruit and legumes (chickpeas, lentils etc). 

Carbohydrates are healthy (and food containing them provides a range of vitamins and minerals), and eliminating them does not cause weight loss. Only eating fewer calories will. 

The enigmatic "carbs" do not only include pizza, donuts, sugary juices and sweets. It certainly also includes fruit, vegetables, potatoes, grains and seeds. 

[SassyPants]

10 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

What is with the endless videos about moving? Doesn't she realize people move all the time? My takeaway about this move is:

1. I am incredibly jealous over all the family support she has. Both sides of the family, too. Alyssa's enormous family is coming in handy, since they seem to arrive in shifts to babysit and renovate. So jealous.

2. They have a lot of stuff. Alyssa's closet, her clothes and shoes, seem far more extensive than the average woman (certainly more extensive than mine). She seems to have somehow provided her kids with lots of clothes, too, plus they have their toys. Plus she has a newborn, so that involves more things. John seems to always be in jeans, so I am not sure he is part of the problem. Maybe it's me (I'm a minimalist) but she seems to have a lot of possessions.

I kinda smile at her being at the end of her rope, after 5 weeks. As I have mentioned our recent home remodel took about 8 months, and someone else was doing the work while we lived in the basement (crock pot and microwave for the win). We also had jobs to go to every day. I have also moved with a newborn while on maternity leave and packed an entire house myself with kids (2) in tow, and had zero family help. I think Alyssa is a very impatient person, which I also fully understand. They need to make some different decisions to save her(and his) sanity.

[Angelface]

The girls need the social interaction, education, extra curricular activities etc that attending a real bricks and mortar school would give them. Somehow, over the next few years, Alyssa and John need to come up with a “story” which will satisfy his father and send the girls to school. Maybe something health related? I don’t know. But if Alyssa is smart enough (or self centred enough) she needs to send them to school. She could send Allie and Lexi, wait a year or two and them send Zoey whilst being able to concentrate on Maci for a while. Alyssa is in the prime of her life and I don’t think that she realised, or even realises, that she didn’t have to start a family so soon. She could have waited until she was 28 and enjoyed working and just spending time with John. I don’t think that she regrets her daughters but I do wonder if she regrets starting her family so soon. It’s all she has ever known but I wonder if she had had more understanding that she had a CHOICE whether she’d have delayed things and pretended that they were just waiting on God’s timing. Who knows?  I think that for a non- fundie trying to understand dyed in the wool fundies is like modern humans trying to understand our Medieval ancestors. The past is a foreign country... they do things differently there. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Alyssa could have many things if she knew she had the options. However she was well-trained to be the daughter her parents wanted. She could have moved out when she turned 18, but that wasn't allowed, even though it's legal. She could have waited to get married, but she needed to be married to move out and she wasn't allowed to leave otherwise, even though moving out as an adult was legal. She could have waited to have kids, but she's supposed to be leaving her family size up to God, and not preventing having kids. 

Despite teenage rebelliousness, a lot of young people struggle to go against what has been ingrained them since they were very young. 

[OHFL2009]

On 3/28/2021 at 7:45 AM, Karma said:

I watched the YouTube moving video ... yawn.  I was a bit concerned that the ceiling fan is within reach of the top bunk - I get the girls mixed up, but one of them was able to easily reach out and spin it round. That’s a recipe for disaster.  I hope they are wooden blades and not metal. 

I thought the same thing. A) Lexi had to kind of duck as she spun it while sitting on the bed, so if it's on and one of the girls sits up on that corner of the bed, they're going to get whacked in the head. It looked like plastic blades to me, but those are still dangerous, especially for a small child. And B) I don't know about Alyssa's kids, but I can imagine there are kids who would make a game out of grabbing ahold of the blade, swinging their legs out over the rails of the bed, and trying to spin around holding onto the fan. Which would most likely end with a 7'-8' drop to the floor. 

[HereticHick]

18 hours ago, Angelface said:

The girls need the social interaction, education, extra curricular activities etc that attending a real bricks and mortar school would give them. Somehow, over the next few years, Alyssa and John need to come up with a “story” which will satisfy his father and send the girls to school. 

John's father, Rep. Daniel Webster, is 71. I hope that he will retire from Congress in a few years and John and Alyssa will feel less pressure to present themselves as a model homeschooling family, and can send the girls to a brink and mortar "Christian" school. Yes, I'd prefer a secular public school, but I don't think that will happen.

[Melissa1977]

4 hours ago, HereticHick said:

John's father, Rep. Daniel Webster, is 71. I hope that he will retire from Congress in a few years and John and Alyssa will feel less pressure to present themselves as a model homeschooling family, and can send the girls to a brink and mortar "Christian" school. Yes, I'd prefer a secular public school, but I don't think that will happen.

But even a "cheap" private school may be too expensive for John and Alyssa. They have a nice way of life but 4 kids in a private school is a big deal financially speaking.

I doubt John and Alyssa will never make that decision. They are comfortable keeping the girls indoors, in front of a TV. Neither John nor Alyssa value education, especially for girls. I'm sure Alyssa thinks that her girls only need to be pretty and marry young, as she did.

 

[Lgirlrocks]

6 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

But even a "cheap" private school may be too expensive for John and Alyssa. They have a nice way of life but 4 kids in a private school is a big deal financially speaking.

I doubt John and Alyssa will never make that decision. They are comfortable keeping the girls indoors, in front of a TV. Neither John nor Alyssa value education, especially for girls. I'm sure Alyssa thinks that her girls only need to be pretty and marry young, as she did.

 

I keep hoping her and Jill will talk. Jill was the one Duggar I never thought would do anything other than tow the line. She seemed like the people pleaser who did whatever her parents told her to. Now here she is sending her kids to public school. She is still conservative Christian but nowhere near what she used to be. 

[UnicornHunter]

It’s almost like she’s talking directly to Alyssa.

[FrumpyAtheist]

The funny thing is I always think Erin's kids look nicer than Alyssa's because their clothes fit properly and aren't made out of strange, synthetic tutu-like materials (looking at you, Tikky).