Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool

[UnicornHunter]

1 hour ago, Bazinga said:

I'm wondering why we are making excuses for Alyssa period? This is 2021, a quick google search on nutrition will show you the basic building blocks of eating. I don't think we should judge anyone on their eating habits. She wants to eat processed foods, then that is what she is going to do. Sure, I can WISH she fed her kids real,  home cooked meals, but my wishes don't matter here. Her kids are fed, the end. Not every child out there has that luxury. But to say Alyssa doesn't know better seems a bit of a stretch. I see Whitney, Erin, and Josie talk about eating more healthy (and even sharing recipes in their stories). Just like me and my girlfriends, I'm sure Alyssa has gabbed about food and weight loss with her sisters and SIL. During those discussions, it's quite likely nutrition is discussed. I mean come on. She is making a conscious choice to feed her children like that. Maybe it's because she never had it as a kid and wants her children to experience it too, but again, she is making the choice (and can I be allowed to be a wee bit jealous that she eats so much crap, but looks that thin!!!).

I have said it before, but I'll say it again, I think Alyssa is the type of person who would thrive being in a working environment. I think she likes the idea of being a stay at home mom, but she comes off as awfully self serving and immature. Her children pay the price by getting TV for "school", crazy early bedtimes, forced naps, and easy meals. Most likely so Alyssa can do what Alyssa wants to do. I think if Alyssa had a job, where she can feel important and spend some time with just herself for 8 hours a day, she might come home to her children a completely different person. Some people are just like that. They need the mental break from small humans, to feel like an adult. Then come home and give the best version of themselves to their kids. Anyways, I'm rambling now and honestly this is all randomness in my brain. I could be extremely off base here.

What are her kids bedtimes?

We homeschool and love it, but often when I bring it up to moms I get “oh I can never do that I have to work.” Good for you for realizing that! I DGAF what a mom does as long as she’s doing what will make her, and her family, the happiest.

[Satan'sFortress]

10 hours ago, Johannah said:

 I’d rather go to the school of the dining  dinning room table where there is at least human interaction rather than sit in a dark room alone on a computer all day. 

FTFY.

I wish someone would ask her how the three girls learn differently and what she does to tailor her lessons to each if those different learning styles. 

Edited March 24, 2021 by Satan'sFortress

[Tatar-tot]

24 minutes ago, UnicornHunter said:

What are her kids bedtimes?

We homeschool and love it, but often when I bring it up to moms I get “oh I can never do that I have to work.” Good for you for realizing that! I DGAF what a mom does as long as she’s doing what will make her, and her family, the happiest.

I honestly think Alyssa was so deprived for attention growing up that she is slightly off when it comes to dealing with her kids.  She wants 100% of her husband’s attention - at all costs. 

Alyssa reminds me of a friend of mine who was raised in a family of 13.  She used to say the only time she felt special and had her parents attention was on her birthday.  I imagine Alyssa’s childhood was similar.  It makes me sad to think a couple keep having kids & they cannot give the children they have proper attention. 

[FrumpyAtheist]

1 hour ago, Jackie3 said:

I'm actually glad she isn't homeschooling them herself. Her latest insta story informs us that it's never to late" to do something great. Is this a typo, or does she really not know the different between to, too and two?

I feel we Free Jinger users have no leg to stand on when it comes to grammar. Half the users on the forum seem to believe the plural of Bates is Bates. 

[ven]

Small reminder that fj has an international crowd of members , english is my 4 th language for example. Please be considerate

[FrumpyAtheist]

53 minutes ago, ven said:

Small reminder that fj has an international crowd of members , english is my 4 th language for example. Please be considerate

My point was, I see terrible grammar and spelling mistakes from native English speakers on FJ every day. I wouldn't notice or care except that so many on here are so critical of Alyssa's (terrible) spelling and grammar when we ourselves are absolutely no better. The hypocrisy just irks me.

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, FrumpyAtheist said:

I feel we Free Jinger users have no leg to stand on when it comes to grammar. Half the users on the forum seem to believe the plural of Bates is Bates. 

I'm not sure of the plural of Bates, myself.

However, "to" vs. "too" is something you learn in the fourth grade, and is really a very basic thing in English. I think it shows the poor schooling Alyssa got at the Bates' dining room table (not her stupidity, her lack of education). If my kids had a teacher who didn't know the difference between to and too, I'd be really upset. 

[AussieKrissy]

3 hours ago, FrumpyAtheist said:

I feel we Free Jinger users have no leg to stand on when it comes to grammar. Half the users on the forum seem to believe the plural of Bates is Bates. 

I don’t judge anyone on their grammar and or spelling. Mine is garbage and I know it. As long as I get the gist of what people are talking about. I am happy. Not everyone’s first language is English, not everyone’s best subject was English. But everyone is entitled to an opinion and I do genuinely like reading them. No one on here has every had such horrific typos, grammar or spelling that I have not been able to understand them so I just think people should give everyone a pass. 
In saying that, If I was homeschooling my daughter, I would be making it my duty to get my grammar etc up to scratch..... 

Alyssa seems to have no educational curiosity, if you could learn math and English through makeup, online shopping, or gritting maybe she would show some interest. 

[Melissa1977]

8 hours ago, Bazinga said:

I think if Alyssa had a job, where she can feel important and spend some time with just herself for 8 hours a day, she might come home to her children a completely different person. Some people are just like that. They need the mental break from small humans, to feel like an adult.

A lot of fundie moms we discuss here are like that. I think that many women (including fundies) prefer having a job that being a SAHM, especially when children are school aged. Being a SAHM can be fulfilling, but can be very frustrating, too, and it's not for everybody. And despite some loving staying at home, stay at home plus homeschool is a very different situation, because there are no breaks. I have the feeling that it's only a minority of women who can really enjoy that situation.

Definitely, Alyssa loved her cleaning part-time job and had no problem leaving John as a "sitter". They are far more flexible than other fundies, so I wonder if Alyssa will eventually work again. 

[Melissa1977]

7 hours ago, UnicornHunter said:

What are her kids bedtimes?

Some time ago it was 6PM (to 6 or 7AM), with a 2 hours nap after lunch. It's very difficult for a child to sleep so early if they had an afternoon nap and many children don't sleep 12 hours in a row. Allie and Lexi weren't babies (they were 4 and 2 I think). Plus they seem to spend their days indoors, so I doubt they are physically very tired. It's different if children spend hours in swimming pools, parks etc. 

Alyssa posted that she wanted private time with John from 6PM to midnight. They enjoy childfree time, which is great, but then... don't have 4 kids! 

So basically children slept 14 hours a day and were TVschooled 3 more hours. She can't say she lacks free time.

[HermioneSparrow]

9 hours ago, FrumpyAtheist said:

My point was, I see terrible grammar and spelling mistakes from native English speakers on FJ every day. I wouldn't notice or care except that so many on here are so critical of Alyssa's (terrible) spelling and grammar when we ourselves are absolutely no better. The hypocrisy just irks me.

Most people here are not homeschooling. If you know your grammar sucks, why would you "homeschool"? In Alyssa's case she's just putting those little girls in front of a screen all day hopefully they won't pick up her terrible grammar.

 

 

*Not an english native, just in case you roast me for my grammar ?

[Karma]

11 hours ago, FrumpyAtheist said:

Half the users on the forum seem to believe the plural of Bates is Bates

What?  We know it’s Bateseseses!  ?

[OHFL2009]

9 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

I'm not sure of the plural of Bates, myself.

However, "to" vs. "too" is something you learn in the fourth grade, and is really a very basic thing in English. I think it shows the poor schooling Alyssa got at the Bates' dining room table (not her stupidity, her lack of education). If my kids had a teacher who didn't know the difference between to and too, I'd be really upset. 

I think her repeated use of "dinning room" shows that's she's not a great speller, and there have been other examples that show she's not qualified to teach her kids, but until we see repeated use of "to" vs. "too" that proves she doesn't know the difference, I'll give her a pass on this one. It's an easy typo to make when you're hurrying to get a social media post up. I spend about 30% of my job proofreading, a lot of which is from professional writers and people with advanced degrees, and I see "to" instead of "too" and similar typos all the time. Now if she had used "two" I wouldn't be so quick to give her a pass, but "to" vs. "too" is a very easy mistake to make, even for those who know the difference. 

[freethemall]

15 hours ago, Bazinga said:

I'm wondering why we are making excuses for Alyssa period? This is 2021, a quick google search on nutrition will show you the basic building blocks of eating. I don't think we should judge anyone on their eating habits. She wants to eat processed foods, then that is what she is going to do. Sure, I can WISH she fed her kids real,  home cooked meals, but my wishes don't matter here. Her kids are fed, the end. Not every child out there has that luxury. But to say Alyssa doesn't know better seems a bit of a stretch. I see Whitney, Erin, and Josie talk about eating more healthy (and even sharing recipes in their stories). Just like me and my girlfriends, I'm sure Alyssa has gabbed about food and weight loss with her sisters and SIL. During those discussions, it's quite likely nutrition is discussed. I mean come on. She is making a conscious choice to feed her children like that. Maybe it's because she never had it as a kid and wants her children to experience it too, but again, she is making the choice (and can I be allowed to be a wee bit jealous that she eats so much crap, but looks that thin!!!).

I'm confused because you asked why we're making excuses for her and then you made a bunch of excuses for her including "at least they're fed". That's one excuse I don't buy when you're privileged enough to both know and afford better, because despite her upbringing they're well-off now. Like someone else said, you dont have to have a college degree to know that cookies and fruit punch are an unhealthy snack, pediatricians specifically ask you now how often kids eat desserts like cookies. It can be a treat now and then, but not everyday, and milk is generally the standard for kids under 4. When it comes down to it, Alyssa is dumb, lazy, and vain above all else, and that's what guides all these decisions.

[formergothardite]

2 hours ago, Karma said:

What?  We know it’s Bateseseses!  ?

 I thought it was sort of understood that writing the plural of Bates incorrectly was a long running FJ joke. It has to either be Bates or a variation of Bateseseseseseseses. ?

[HermioneSparrow]

1 hour ago, freethemall said:

I'm confused because you asked why we're making excuses for her and then you made a bunch of excuses for her including "at least they're fed". That's one excuse I don't buy when you're privileged enough to both know and afford better, because despite her upbringing they're well-off now. Like someone else said, you dont have to have a college degree to know that cookies and fruit punch are an unhealthy snack, pediatricians specifically ask you now how often kids eat desserts like cookies. It can be a treat now and then, but not everyday, and milk is generally the standard for kids under 4. When it comes down to it, Alyssa is dumb, lazy, and vain above all else, and that's what guides all these decisions.

She IS lazy and seems quite uninterested in her kids unless it's about looks. That's why she puts them in front of a screen for "school" and doesn't engage in educational activities at all; that's also why she couldn't care less about nutrition and feeds them junk food since it's easier to prepare, she does seem to love junk food and doesn't care right now because she's young and thin but she won't be young for long... Kelly was thin too.

[freethemall]

2 hours ago, freethemall said:

I'm confused because you asked why we're making excuses for her and then you made a bunch of excuses for her including "at least they're fed". That's one excuse I don't buy when you're privileged enough to both know and afford better, because despite her upbringing they're well-off now. Like someone else said, you dont have to have a college degree to know that cookies and fruit punch are an unhealthy snack, pediatricians specifically ask you now how often kids eat desserts like cookies. It can be a treat now and then, but not everyday, and milk is generally the standard for kids under 4. When it comes down to it, Alyssa is dumb, lazy, and vain above all else, and that's what guides all these decisions.

By the way, I want to clarify on my own post that I do not in any way disagree with her having easy snacks on hand for the girls and am not a huge crunchy health freak, I have a 4 year old and don't always have time to make some beautiful pinterest-worthy diy granola balls or nature scene (i.e this which as i laugh i am also pinning if i ever have the energy: https://mosswoodconnections.com/activity/20-fun-and-healthy-snacks-that-will-put-a-smile-on-kids-faces/) and so understand having some shortcuts because hey, I need them with 1 kid/almost 2 and can only imagine with 4. I generally always have stuff like fruit leather (love stretch island and yo yo bear especially), kind granola bars, non-sweetened apple sauce, rice cakes, whole wheat crackers/peanut butter crackers, cheese sticks and bites, yogurt bars (siggi's or stonyfield organic), popcorn, etc on hand. And always lots of fruit and veggies, I'm lucky my son prefers them raw. For the rare times we do juice I put a little bit of 100% juice in a cup and water it down, otherwise always milk.

Similarly, I get needing to distract your toddlers with screen time, I do it both in the mornings and also when our daycare was closed during COVID and I was working from home you bet we got familiar with ABC Mouse and other apps! We also tried our hand at various projects even though I am the least crafty person ever, tried some workbooks to keep doing writing practice. The difference is that I recognized before and during those few months that I could never be that kind of homeschool extraordinaire DIY mom and that my son would benefit much more from trained instructors and that my strengths are in my career. 

However, if I was to go on the path Alyssa chose I would go hard on it. If mom, housewife, and homeschool teacher is going to be your full-time job (which I highly respect and believe that "all moms are working moms") than you should probably put in the same effort you'd give to any other full-time job. As a great non-fundie example, I follow @oldjoy on instagram who has 5 kids age range 1-13 years old who posts both lots of beautiful and trendy stuff but also her challenges.

[Seculardaisy]

On 3/23/2021 at 4:37 PM, SassyPants said:

I don’t think G and KJ vocally talked about living debt free. That’s more of a Maxwell, Duggar tenet. Was that a B Gothard thing? Dollars to donuts G and KG were in debt at times. Living debt free without any education, skills or work history (looking at you G-2 Duggars) is pie-in-the- sky thinking.

I know I have heard Gil mention in the show (when essentially interviewing husbands for his daughter's) that they value being debt free before and Chad has as well. Chad mentioned it as a reason for not buying property yet when he and Erin drove around and looked at farm houses.

Edited March 25, 2021 by Seculardaisy

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, freethemall said:

By the way, I want to clarify on my own post that I do not in any way disagree with her having easy snacks on hand for the girls and am not a huge crunchy health freak, I have a 4 year old and don't always have time to make some beautiful pinterest-worthy diy granola balls or nature scene (i.e this which as i laugh i am also pinning if i ever have the energy: https://mosswoodconnections.com/activity/20-fun-and-healthy-snacks-that-will-put-a-smile-on-kids-faces/) and so understand having some shortcuts because hey, I need them with 1 kid/almost 2 and can only imagine with 4. I generally always have stuff like fruit leather (love stretch island and yo yo bear especially), kind granola bars, non-sweetened apple sauce, rice cakes, whole wheat crackers/peanut butter crackers, cheese sticks and bites, yogurt bars (siggi's or stonyfield organic), popcorn, etc on hand. And always lots of fruit and veggies, I'm lucky my son prefers them raw. For the rare times we do juice I put a little bit of 100% juice in a cup and water it down, otherwise always milk.

Similarly, I get needing to distract your toddlers with screen time, I do it both in the mornings and also when our daycare was closed during COVID and I was working from home you bet we got familiar with ABC Mouse and other apps! We also tried our hand at various projects even though I am the least crafty person ever, tried some workbooks to keep doing writing practice. The difference is that I recognized before and during those few months that I could never be that kind of homeschool extraordinaire DIY mom and that my son would benefit much more from trained instructors and that my strengths are in my career. 

 

I think there's a huge difference between good parenting and being a DIY/pintrest crafty mom. 

It takes a bit of time to prepare fruits and veggies for kids. It takes time to get out paints, let your kids have fun, then clean up. These are simple things that demonstrate good parenting. They don't have to be complicated or pintrest worthy. They just take a bit of time and effort. Working moms and SAHM moms are both capable of such things, and you certainly dont' have to be crafty.

Alyssa is not doing these simple things for her kids. She's repeatedly taking the easiest way out, and then boasting about it like it's good parenting. "Look at my schoolroom!"

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

It bothers me that Alyssa gets all the blame, and John gets none. I get that she stays home all day, but those are his children as well. It is one of the biggest problems with fundies or anyone when men act like they're not responsible for their own children. 

If Alyssa at one point tried to eat healthier foods, and John didn't care I can see why she isn't bothering anymore. I also think that probably most of her sisters eat more junk food, but they may be savvy enough not to post pictures of them eating junk food on SM. Unless you're there three meals a day, you have no idea what they're eating.

Making major changes to your eating habits can be challenging especially if you're not supported by the people around you. Both Alyssa and John would need to commit to eating healthier. During the year when Alyssa had the more serious of her two heart conditions, she may also have medical reasons for not being more active. 

[SassyPants]

Alyssa strikes me as aesthetics over everything else. Clean, matching clothes, an organized pantry and pretty homeschool room with a bank or streak free windows are likely indicative of being a good mother in her eyes.  It’s a good thing baby #4 did not screw up the aesthetics by being born a boy! It’s all about control because she grew up in a chaotic shoe- “They had so many kids they didn’t know what to do.”

My own daughter is the exact opposite. She is currently on sabbatical ( HS principal) and homeschooling her first grader. We just face timed and my GD has her face painted while she reads about Frida Khalo. Yes, con uno brow. Looks mean very little to her and her daughter’s education show it.

Alyssa is misguided-

Edited March 25, 2021 by SassyPants

[Jackie3]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Alyssa strikes me as aesthetics over everything else. Clean, matching clothes, an organized pantry and pretty homeschool room with a bank or streak free windows are likely indicative of being a good mother in her eyes.  It’s a good thing baby #4 did not screw up the aesthetics by being born a boy! It’s all about control because she grew up in a chaotic shoe- “They had so many kids they didn’t know what to do.”

My own daughter is the exact opposite. She is currently on sabbatical ( HS principal) and homeschooling her first grader. We just face timed and my GD has her face painted while she reads about Frida Khalo. Yes, con uno brow. Looks mean very little to her and her daughter’s education show it.

Alyssa is misguided-

There's nothing like the face of a happy little girl who's been playing outside, getting good and dirty. I've got some wonderful pictures of my own daughter like this--muddy pants, braids askew, flushed from running around. She looks a lot happier than Alyssa's kids do in their flowy dresses at a photo shoot (I'm not saying her kids are never happy--I hope they are--I just don't think they look particularly happy in those photo shoots).

[treehugger]

I’m always sad when little girls can’t run around and get dirty and play.  I have two daughters who play hard and love it (including my princess/diva/neat freak). The closest playground is currently one huge puddle and they will play in it for hours. 

[GreenBeans]

On 3/24/2021 at 10:48 PM, Bazinga said:

 I think if Alyssa had a job, where she can feel important and spend some time with just herself for 8 hours a day, she might come home to her children a completely different person. Some people are just like that. They need the mental break from small humans, to feel like an adult. Then come home and give the best version of themselves to their kids. Anyways, I'm rambling now and honestly this is all randomness in my brain. I could be extremely off base here.

I can absolutely relate to that sentiment. The first time I went back to work after the birth of baby boy, it felt so good. I felt like I FINALLY got to be myself again. But that’s why my husband is on parental leave, and I’m the one back at work. He loves being around that tiny human all day. And I’m so much happier, more patient and balanced when I get back home after a day of work, and really enjoy interacting with baby boy then.

Alyssa and other fundie women don’t have that option. They all have to fit the SAHM mold, no matter of that’s a good fit for their personality. And it’s just as bad for fundie men, only vice versa. They can’t stray from the traditional set up, and that’s a shame, because kids thrive better with happy, mentally healthy, well-balanced parents.

[Jackie3]

9 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

If Alyssa at one point tried to eat healthier foods, and John didn't care I can see why she isn't bothering anymore

Why? What her husband eats has nothing to do with how she eats.