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Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool


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Italiangirl

I agree is really hard for me to understand the mental gymnastic that allow these people to see their babies as mean and manipulative, they somehow think that when a baby cries because he/she is hungry, sad, confused, lonely, or what else he/she is consciously trying to manipulate the parents into giving her/him attention or something like this. I just can't wrap my mind around such an idiotic concept, but we know fundies can twist and hiked the worst concept that to us seems like basic stuff. I.e. having to schedule time with your children, sister mom, etc

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Small reminder that fj has an international crowd of members , english is my 4 th language for example. Please be considerate

I grew up with some pretty horrific beliefs. One thing that helped me change is that people did react in horror when I said really awful stuff. If people in my life had just quietly tolerated my hatef

Honestly, I’m a little sad that “school of the dinning room table” didn’t somehow work its way into this thread title...

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SassyPants

And if I thought infants were evil and manipulative, and allowed them to cry it out or rely on blanket training, you can best believe that I would have been a one (at the very most) AND DONE. Letting a newborn cry is detrimental for both baby AND PARENTS.

Why would anyone willingly bring another evil, manipulative person into the house, year after year?

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GreenBeans
3 hours ago, FluffySnowball said:

I just don’t understand how parents can pull something like the Ezzo method off. Once such a cute week baby has arrived, they should just care about loving and nourishing it. I can’t imagine looking at a little baby and withholding food or care when it cries or feels unwell.  

Seriously, how do they DO that? Newborns are tiny and helpless, crying is their only way of communicating, and whenever our baby boy cried, there was no way we could have ignored it. How can you look at a desperately crying baby and feel like it’s a good idea to ignore it? How can you bear to hear the crying and not do something about it? I just can’t fathom it.

Edited by GreenBeans
Accidental double post.
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Satan'sFortress
On 3/18/2021 at 4:26 AM, Nothing if not critical said:

Alyssa posted that she’s struggling with mastitis and asking for tips. I’ve been there, and at least in my case, stress was a huge factor. Just saying...

By the time I had my second baby, I was a frickin' breastfeeding peer counselor, but I still got mastitis. Recurrent mastitis. It is pretty awful. My fever would spike & you just ache all over. Baby was a good nurser, but I was doing too much, pushing those feedings back and back instead of nursing on demand (and I knew better!) Took me several bouts to convince myself to do the @Nothing if not criticalmethod (below.)  A bit of that was magic and I learned to slow down. If Alyssa doesn't want mastitis, she should either commit to nursing or wean and switch to formula.

 

On 3/18/2021 at 4:11 PM, Nothing if not critical said:

All that really helped me was snuggling up with my baby for two whole days, nursing practically all the time. When it was over, she'd got the hang of it and so had I, but up until then it was kind of a nightmare. 

 

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GreenBeans
On 3/18/2021 at 2:31 PM, Melissa1977 said:

Maci is very little, so apart from stress or other factors, it may be simply that nursing is not well stablished yet. As Alyssa is spending many hours working in the house (without the baby), she should be pumping often. If she doesn't, it's normal that she gets mastitis or that her milk supply decreases. 

 

Yep. During the first two months, I basically pumped 8-9 times per day, so every 2-3 hours, including during the night. It sucked big time (because I basically had to organize my life (and sleep!) in 1-2 hour increments, because with pumping and cleaning pumping supplies I had hardly any time between pumping sessions).

Obviously there’s no way you can do a house remodel on that kind of schedule. Maybe it works with a nursing baby that only nurses every 4-5 hours, but even then there are engorged breasts, clogged ducts and so much uneasiness/pain/pressure as soon as you push the next pumping/nursing session by even half an hour (which is tempting when you’re in the middle of a project). 
 

I was lucky to only have a clogged duct every once in a while (which resolved with cooling pads, hot showers, massage and lots of pumping), never mastitis, but I did move forward reeeeaaally slowly with stretching time between pumping sessions.

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GuineaPigCourtship

I was researching how to get my 8wk old daughter tolerant of the bassinet so we can have a few hours at night where I'm not holding her and I saw so many sites touting babywise. Thanks but no thanks, guys.

Spoiler: lots of crying from both of us but better sleep for her after a few nights. As I write this, she is of course using my breast as a pillow and I'm loving it. Vaccines yesterday means she gets extra loving/nursing/snuggling. She only spends 2-3hr in there anyway during to her obvious manipulation.

Edited by GuineaPigCourtship
Riffles
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SassyPants

So they’ve moved in...so turn key, major renovations in 1 month’s time. I wonder how much help they had during these 4-5 weeks? They truly are very fortunate. Hope they have that pool safely secured.

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JermajestyDuggar
23 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

So they’ve moved in...so turn key, major renovations in 1 month’s time. I wonder how much help they had during these 4-5 weeks? They truly are very fortunate. Hope they have that pool safely secured.

I’ve never seen John look so tired. I bet he’s very glad they are moved in. He should just spend this whole weekend sleeping. 

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CaptainFunderpants
1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

So they’ve moved in...so turn key, major renovations in 1 month’s time. I wonder how much help they had during these 4-5 weeks? They truly are very fortunate. Hope they have that pool safely secured.

RIP Caylee Anthony.

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Melissa1977
2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’ve never seen John look so tired. I bet he’s very glad they are moved in. He should just spend this whole weekend sleeping. 

He looks awful. I bet he has been working night and day! What amazes me is that Alyssa looks great, despite the remodel plus the moving plus a newborn plus birth recovery plus 3 more girls. I don't believe in miracles: either she has been working less than she said, or she has been childfree most days. 

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SassyPants
6 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

He looks awful. I bet he has been working night and day! What amazes me is that Alyssa looks great, despite the remodel plus the moving plus a newborn plus birth recovery plus 3 more girls. I don't believe in miracles: either she has been working less than she said, or she has been childfree most days. 

I vote childfree. I hope that they are happy in their new home.

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llucie
3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

He looks awful. I bet he has been working night and day! What amazes me is that Alyssa looks great, despite the remodel plus the moving plus a newborn plus birth recovery plus 3 more girls. I don't believe in miracles: either she has been working less than she said, or she has been childfree most days. 

I watched her latest vlogs and she had Addalle and Ellie doing babysitting, plus Warden, Isaiah and Trace helping with the remodel.

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freethemall
2 hours ago, llucie said:

I watched her latest vlogs and she had Addalle and Ellie doing babysitting, plus Warden, Isaiah and Trace helping with the remodel.

Dont forget Carlin visited, and they've mentioned in laws helping both with the house and babysitting.

On 3/19/2021 at 6:30 PM, Satan'sFortress said:

By the time I had my second baby, I was a frickin' breastfeeding peer counselor, but I still got mastitis. Recurrent mastitis. It is pretty awful. My fever would spike & you just ache all over. Baby was a good nurser, but I was doing too much, pushing those feedings back and back instead of nursing on demand (and I knew better!) Took me several bouts to convince myself to do the @Nothing if not criticalmethod (below.)  A bit of that was magic and I learned to slow down. If Alyssa doesn't want mastitis, she should either commit to nursing or wean and switch to formula.

 

 

I agree 100%, and am not in any way shocked she had mastitis when she's pushing herself this hard while recovering with a newborn. Sometimes your body has a clear way of sending you a message of "Stop! You're overdoing it! Take care of me! Rest!"

Alyssa has mentioned having issues with supply before, and its unclear if she's had support from lactation consultants on best ways to increase and regulate supply if she wants to commit to breastfeeding. I absolutely do not believe anyone has to breastfeed and feel pressure to push themselves to do so when it's causing any difficulty for either the mother or child, but if you are going that route then there's steps to take that make it easier. That includes feeding on demand during that initial time, and my provider highly discouraged pumping until about 6 weeks to let my supply regulate itself (I dont know if that's common practice). It's no surprise then that her supply might be a bit out if whack right now and causing clogged ducts and mastitis. 

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formergothardite

A lactation consultant would tell her to ditch Ezzo  and I doubt she will do that. My impression is that Alyssa likes the idea that she only needs to interact with her children at set times. 

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GuineaPigCourtship

I was encouraged to pump from day 2 at the hospital and was provided with a pump to do so. They said it helped encourage my milk to come in sooner since my daughter was cluster feeding and hungry. It was also recommended that I pump after every feeding to increase production at home.  I did not do that part, but didn't need to.

Eta: I was also supposed to wake her up every 2-3hr round the clock to eat until her pediatrician told me otherwise at 1 month. No medical professional would be telling her it's okay to force a baby younger than 4 months (more likely 6 months) to go the whole night without eating.

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dawn9476
On 3/20/2021 at 7:30 PM, llucie said:

I watched her latest vlogs and she had Addalle and Ellie doing babysitting, plus Warden, Isaiah and Trace helping with the remodel.

His brothers also helped. They helped him rip up the flooring and do the dry wall. Carlin & Evan also flew in and helped paint for a couple days.

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freethemall

Katie and now Kelly are visiting and helping, Kelly had a post/story about it and touting how hard John and Alyssa have worked. It reminds me of her birthday posts to her kids, always emphasizing working hard and never articulating or putting your own needs first. Heres what I wish she would write (the first sentence based on what she actually wrote):

"Alyssa and John have worked so hard and while there's boxes everywhere, Alyssa has kept everything super organized. I am happy to be here to take the load off Alyssa so she can get much-needed rest and self-care, as the hard work of both this renovation and move, all while taking care of a newborn and post-partum healing has taken a physical toll on Alyssa. There is no shame in admitting you're tired and I'm proud of you for doing so."

Just as a general observation of American culture, I wish we'd all stop constantly glamorizing working ourselves to death or burnout and not taking care of our needs, seeing it as a "complaint" (Kelly always mentions that word in her birthday posts when she praises "helping out and never complaining"). That goes doubly for the work of being a mom, whether one who doubles with a "real" job or one who moms 100% of the time. 

In summary, someone needs to tell Alyssa it's okay to just take a nap in the middle of the day or cuddle up with her newborn for a full day!

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Melissa1977
11 minutes ago, freethemall said:

Just as a general observation of American culture, I wish we'd all stop constantly glamorizing working ourselves to death or burnout and not taking care of our needs, seeing it as a "complaint"

Yes. It amazes me how some US citizens (specially those with white collar jobs, but also others) are proud of working 80 hours per week, instead of thinking that their employers should be hiring 2 people. But what can I say? I live in the city where workers fought (and won) the right of work only 40 hours per week, a century ago. 

I have a "white collar job" and I'm positive (for my own experience) that in "intellectual" jobs, more hours don't make you more productive, but the contrary. Brain needs to disconnect. I think that extremely long journeys are not a beneficial for the worker, neither for the employer. 

Disclaimer: obviously generalising. Sorry if someone is offended. Not my intention. 

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SassyPants
2 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Yes. It amazes me how some US citizens (specially those with white collar jobs, but also others) are proud of working 80 hours per week, instead of thinking that their employers should be hiring 2 people. But what can I say? I live in the city where workers fought (and won) the right of work only 40 hours per week, a century ago. 

I have a "white collar job" and I'm positive (for my own experience) that in "intellectual" jobs, more hours don't make you more productive, but the contrary. Brain needs to disconnect. I think that extremely long journeys are not a beneficial for the worker, neither for the employer. 

Disclaimer: obviously generalising. Sorry if someone is offended. Not my intention. 

I am a retired nurse. Just prior to my retirement our nicu unit went from 8 and 12 hour shifts, to straight 12 hours shifts (3 days a week),  thus eliminating an entire shift of workers. Studies have proven that after 10 hours at sustained work, productivity and acuity decrease. Obviously the bean counters ( no dig at accountants in general) didn’t care too much about patient care during those 4 hours every day. 

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AussieKrissy
5 hours ago, freethemall said:

Katie and now Kelly are visiting and helping, Kelly had a post/story about it and touting how hard John and Alyssa have worked. It reminds me of her birthday posts to her kids, always emphasizing working hard and never articulating or putting your own needs first. Heres what I wish she would write (the first sentence based on what she actually wrote):

"Alyssa and John have worked so hard and while there's boxes everywhere, Alyssa has kept everything super organized. I am happy to be here to take the load off Alyssa so she can get much-needed rest and self-care, as the hard work of both this renovation and move, all while taking care of a newborn and post-partum healing has taken a physical toll on Alyssa. There is no shame in admitting you're tired and I'm proud of you for doing so."

Just as a general observation of American culture, I wish we'd all stop constantly glamorizing working ourselves to death or burnout and not taking care of our needs, seeing it as a "complaint" (Kelly always mentions that word in her birthday posts when she praises "helping out and never complaining"). That goes doubly for the work of being a mom, whether one who doubles with a "real" job or one who moms 100% of the time. 

In summary, someone needs to tell Alyssa it's okay to just take a nap in the middle of the day or cuddle up with her newborn for a full day!

Granted I have only ever had one. But omg those days I just spent on the lounge with my baby sleeping on me. The best days ever. I loved it. I think if I was to ever have had a second and been to busy to have so many moments like that with the new baby I would be extremely sad and feel like this baby and I lost out on something so loving and important. Granted I don’t have Alyssa’s busy nature. But I am glad that my baby never got lost in the shuffle of other kids and Reno’s and moving. Which this little baby seems to have been.  

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UnicornHunter

After she shared her pantry she posted “many of you have been asking me about the optivia drinks and shakes you saw.”

No, no we didn’t Alyssa. 
 

Also is that a drink mixer on the bottom left?

74111C22-A0A2-4C44-A2D5-342AF429173E.png

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SassyPants
3 minutes ago, UnicornHunter said:

After she shared her pantry she posted “many of you have been asking me about the optivia drinks and shakes you saw.”

No, no we didn’t Alyssa. 
 

Also is that a drink mixer on the bottom left?

74111C22-A0A2-4C44-A2D5-342AF429173E.png

Those are Torani coffee syrups.

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UnicornHunter
Just now, SassyPants said:

Those are Torani coffee syrups.

I only drink black so I had no idea. That makes more sense though. 

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SassyPants
1 minute ago, UnicornHunter said:

I only drink black so I had no idea. That makes more sense though. 

If I could drink black coffee, I’d likely weigh what I’d like to weigh, but I just can’t do it. I have an easier time drinking no coffee than drinking it black. Interestingly enough, I only drink unsweetened tea.

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UnicornHunter
6 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

If I could drink black coffee, I’d likely weigh what I’d like to weigh, but I just can’t do it. I have an easier time drinking no coffee than drinking it black. Interestingly enough, I only drink unsweetened tea.

I don’t think I’ve ever had it any other way so I just don’t know any better. Only started drinking it after having kids and needing some extra energy to survive.

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