Alyssa and John 8: Four Daughters, a New House, and a Pool

[maple802]

Still over here hyperventilating from their absolute disregard for pool/water safety. Kids can be in the water and in trouble FAST without making a sound. I was never a lifeguard (I'm a decent but not super strong swimmer) but you better believe any time I'm with kids around water my head is on a swivel and focused on them and not my phone. 

In my younger days, I lived in an apartment complex with a community pool that was swim at your own risk, i.e., no lifeguard on duty. I saw one of my neighbors jump into action and save a small child who slipped into the pool--parent or babysitter must've had attention elsewhere--and it put the fear of God in me. 

[16strong]

I've always noticed that the way Alyssa interacts with her kids is the same way a normal teenager interacts with their younger siblings. She doesn't speak to them or cuddle with them like a parent, like John does. She always acts like an aunt or older sibling that is babysitting them. She acts so distant and removed, like she is emotionally pushing them away from her. It is so strange.

I think that if she hadn't been born in a cult, she wouldn't have had kids at all, ever, and she would be a very career-oriented person, focused on earning a high salary and the lifestyle that comes with it.

[SassyPants]

4 hours ago, maple802 said:

Still over here hyperventilating from their absolute disregard for pool/water safety. Kids can be in the water and in trouble FAST without making a sound. I was never a lifeguard (I'm a decent but not super strong swimmer) but you better believe any time I'm with kids around water my head is on a swivel and focused on them and not my phone. 

In my younger days, I lived in an apartment complex with a community pool that was swim at your own risk, i.e., no lifeguard on duty. I saw one of my neighbors jump into action and save a small child who slipped into the pool--parent or babysitter must've had attention elsewhere--and it put the fear of God in me. 

My brother jumped in to save a neighbor’s child. I jumped in to save my nephew and my nephew has saved a cousin- so many littles, pools and chances for unfortunate incidents.

[AussieKrissy]

I think Alyssa hadn’t of been born into a cult. She would have rocked an early life at college and or beauty school got a career did the Friday night drinks and socialising. Had a long term partner possibly and then decided possibly to or not to have kids. I think not growing up in a house filled with kids might make her a better mother. So she may have had two in her thirties after enjoying life and then be able to really enjoy the next “season” of her life because her life experience before that was so full. 

[Audrey2]

I will be interested to see if she develops a closer relationship with the girls as they become teenagers. Kelly also seemed to like the whole pregnancy thing then as I recall she handed the baby off to the sister mom right away. Kelly didn't seem to enjoy her children too much until they were teenagers.

[Melissa1977]

Based on IG, Alyssa looked far more involved and motherly when she only had Allie and maybe even when she had Allie+Lexi. She even started homeschooling Allie with actual books/crafts, not videos. 

At some point, 3 kids were too much or she got tired of the SAHM thing or her heart issue broke her or Allie was big enough to be a helper... I don't know what happened, but she changed and it could be seen on posts and videos. Not that she was a perfect mom before and not that she is a disaster now, she is lazy but could be worse (Jill Rod I'm watching you). Kids are feed and clean and have beds and doctors and fun. But it's very obvious Alyssa is not suited for SAHM life and she's getting more and more lazy and detached as a mom. She would have avoided that if had stopped at 1 or 2 kids and she would have enjoyed motherhood then. 

[Karma]

This pool fence ad only comes up on this thread. Even my phone knows that John and Alyssa are being irresponsible parents. 

[Jackie3]

6 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I don't know what happened, but she changed and it could be seen on posts and videos.

It's also possible that she just changed what she posts/videos. I'm reluctant to say someone's parenting style changed based on what they put on insta. She has obviously started to try to make money on social media, and has gotten more sophisticated at it. So it's natural that her style of posting changed (rather than her entire parenting style!)

IF she thought that pictures of crafts would make her money, she would be posting pictures of the kids doing crafts. If she thought that homemade veggie baby food would make money, we'd see that.

With that said, I think an exciting novelty (her first baby!) has turned into an endless chore for a woman who never had a chance to be young.

Edited April 18, 2021 by Jackie3

[Lgirlrocks]

11 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

I think Alyssa hadn’t of been born into a cult. She would have rocked an early life at college and or beauty school got a career did the Friday night drinks and socialising. Had a long term partner possibly and then decided possibly to or not to have kids. I think not growing up in a house filled with kids might make her a better mother. So she may have had two in her thirties after enjoying life and then be able to really enjoy the next “season” of her life because her life experience before that was so full. 

It doesn’t help that kelly was so detached from her kids. When you grow up watching your parents what they do, especially in a cult, tends to influence what you do. If Kelly had been warm and fuzzy Alyssa may be more warm and fuzzy. If she had grown up with knowing she had choices in life she may have lived her life differently. It’s funny, when she announced she was pregnant, her family felt she was so young. She was very young. 

[Angelface]

11 minutes ago, Jackie3 said:

With that said, I think an exciting novelty (her first baby!) has turned into an endless chore for a woman who never had a chance to be young.

I think that perhaps this is more true than we realise. I don’t think that Alyssa realises that she has choices and can choose how she lives her life. I honestly don’t think that she realised that she and John could have used non-hormonal birth control and opted to be child free whilst they got to know each other and especially whilst Alyssa learnt to know herself. Hindsight and all that, but I suspect that a few years of working outside the home would have been beneficial to her. It’s not too late, she’s still only 26, but she somehow needs to understand how liberating (for HER) it would be if she and John could decide to send the children to school. John appears to be laid back and easy going so I don’t think he’d be too difficult to convince that school would be a good option. The main concern would probably be with regard to his father, Daniel Webster, who is very committed to homeschooling. Her health issues may be a legitimate reason for Alyssa to have an excuse to “have to send the girls to school”. All of them deserve more. The children need a real education, to socialise with other children and to join sporting clubs and extra curricular activities. Alyssa seems to need more than being a SAHM and John needs a wife who is more fulfilled. School would be a win win for them all.  But will they ever realise this and do something about it? Sadly I don’t have high expectations of them being sufficiently self-aware to recognise any of this. They need a fairy godmother, like in Cinderella, to give them a push in the right direction. 

[rebeccawriter01]

1 hour ago, Lgirlrocks said:

It doesn’t help that kelly was so detached from her kids. When you grow up watching your parents what they do, especially in a cult, tends to influence what you do. If Kelly had been warm and fuzzy Alyssa may be more warm and fuzzy. If she had grown up with knowing she had choices in life she may have lived her life differently. It’s funny, when she announced she was pregnant, her family felt she was so young. She was very young. 

Even on that Nightline story that featured her wedding, she said two things regarding having children soon: 

1. She didn't want to start a career because she knew she'd probably get pregnant right away and have to quit.

2. She found it quiet (she liked) and lonely (she didn't like) when she married John and they were living on their own without children. 

I think she, like many in these families, didn't consider a life without children. It's simply what you do. You get married and have babies. Likely she had nobody in her life to see living that way. Everyone had children or wanted children. Given that both her grandmothers worked outside the home, I wish one or both of them would have talked to her and the other girls to say there is another route here. 

She is one of the ones I think could have benefited from a different life situation. 

[Jackie3]

I know they plan to give the kids swim lessons soon, but I really think they could've taught them to float and dog paddle immediately.

In one video, when they first opened the pool, John says something like, "Yes, we're going to play in the pool but I'm also going to teach you a little about swimming tonight." A little girl replies, "No! We want to play!"

Here's where John does a major fail. Instead of being the grownup and insisting on a lesson, he says, "Well, I guess we can do it your way. . . " or something like that.

John! Don't listen to a four-year old! She knows nothing about the risks of drowning. Man up and give the kid a lesson. Don't wait till a professional comes to "teach them to swim." Get started right away. I'll bet Allie and Lexi, at least, could be taught to dog paddle and float very quickly. 

(It's also interesting that the kids don't consider learning to be a fun thing to do.)

This is a very immature couple. 

Edited April 18, 2021 by Jackie3

[rebeccawriter01]

1 hour ago, Jackie3 said:

I know they plan to give the kids swim lessons soon, but I really think they could've taught them to float and dog paddle immediately.

In one video, when they first opened the pool, John says something like, "Yes, we're going to play in the pool but I'm also going to teach you a little about swimming tonight." A little girl replies, "No! We want to play!"

Here's where John does a major fail. Instead of being the grownup and insisting on a lesson, he says, "Well, I guess we can do it your way. . . " or something like that.

John! Don't listen to a four-year old! She knows nothing about the risks of drowning. Man up and give the kid a lesson. Don't wait till a professional comes to "teach them to swim." Get started right away. I'll bet Allie and Lexi, at least, could be taught to dog paddle and float very quickly. 

(It's also interesting that the kids don't consider learning to be a fun thing to do.)

This is a very immature couple. 

I'm all for having a conversation with a child and not just saying he/she is cute or sweet. However, there are times for conversations and choices versus time for instructions or even commands. 

I see it too often with people in general but especially fundamentalist families that the mother and father go overboard with explanation to a child who is too young to comprehend. Michelle Duggar is the queen of this. Back in the early days of their show there was a segment where they had poured concrete for what would become a basketball court. Michelle got on the intercom, presumably while most of the children should have been busy with school and told the children that daddy doesn't want you to come outside on the new concrete because...and then told them why it was a bad idea. There was no need in giving a long winded explanation. Simply saying the concrete needs to set so we are staying inside today would and should be enough. If a child asks for more of an explanation that is one thing, but her comments were very defensive. 

Kelly Jo and Erin do this quite a bit too. "Daddy doesn't want you to..." "Your father would have a problem with..." The hidden message in that is that the father is the bad guy and the mother is your friend. It's like the 1950s quote of "Wait until your father gets home..."

We saw it when Jeb and Jud almost burned down the house. Instead of saying, I'm glad you are okay but I'm disappointed that you played with the lighter, they were given these long winded explanations of what could have happened with detailed explanations that they could have been homeless and there are homeless people out there, etc. The lectures didn't match the age and capabilities at the time. 

There should be discussion about the pool in general, but there should be rules too. Rules are not negotiable. Rules are what they are. We don't run in the area of the pool. Only mommy or daddy open the gate. We don't go out there without mom or dad. Discussion should be used to follow up on those rules and confirm understanding. 

John and Alyssa should be giving their children the love of learning, but they should also be framing learning and playing in the same light. Why not turn learning to float into a game? Who can do it longer? Who can dog paddle to mom or dad quickest? Place some floating items in the water and have them try to collect them and count them. Most kids love to show off these skills. 

While eating by the pool have a discussion. Test them and ask what do you do, Lexi, if Zoey wants to play in the pool but mommy and daddy are busy? Allie, what do you do if your favorite doll is sitting by the pool and you want her? Do you go get her or do you ask an adult? What do you do if you see the gate open but nobody is around? Prompt them and see what they know versus what they assume. 

I was encouraged to do this with my daughters when we talked about strangers. I asked both what was a stranger. They, like many other children I had read about getting this idea, thought strangers were monsters or things like you see in horror movies. They didn't equate a person who was normal looking, nice, and said hello with being a stranger. It made me realize they weren't going to do the correct things regarding not getting in a car with someone they didn't know or something like that. They would assume he/she was okay because a stranger wouldn't be nice and say hello. 

It's clear that these girls have separated playing from learning and vice versa. Playing is free time and fun. Learning=school which is having to sit still and quiet and watch videos. In their new house there are rooms for these activities that are separate. 

For people who claim that obedience is such an important part of "training" a child, they seem to have a problem even putting that into action. 

[SassyPants]

Obedience,  laying out the rules and enforcing such is work which requires sustained effort over the long haul. It is not easy peasy, said one time, and done. These folks are not known for sustained effort or working hard  for the long haul, especially in the child rearing department. Pregnancy, birth, nurse for a month, sleep train, pass on to the older daughters. Larger, rinse repeat times 25 years. It is gross and floods the world with dull, lackluster slackers.

[Markie]

I don’t follow Alyssa regularly. Has she said why Allie and the baby are sharing a room and the middle two are sharing? My opinion is she wants Allie to get up and soothe the baby throughout the night. Or Allie could be the best sleeper and not apt to wake up when the baby fusses. 

[UnicornHunter]

5 minutes ago, Markie said:

I don’t follow Alyssa regularly. Has she said why Allie and the baby are sharing a room and the middle two are sharing? My opinion is she wants Allie to get up and soothe the baby throughout the night. Or Allie could be the best sleeper and not apt to wake up when the baby fusses. 

I don’t think she’s ever explained the reasoning behind roommates but I’m sure it’s because Allie can help out and get back to bed easier than the toddlers. 

[Melissa1977]

5 minutes ago, Markie said:

I don’t follow Alyssa regularly. Has she said why Allie and the baby are sharing a room and the middle two are sharing? My opinion is she wants Allie to get up and soothe the baby throughout the night. Or Allie could be the best sleeper and not apt to wake up when the baby fusses. 

Allie is the new Michaela.

But I'm not sure she is able to wake up at nights to sooth the baby, usually 6 year old are deep sleepers. Anyway, Alyssa does the Ezzo training, so it is not that she expects Allie to be a full time nanny at nights. I suppose she will train Maci and when she sleeps full night, she will move to Allie's room.

 

 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Practice sister mom at this point, probably hoping to get a bond started so Allie will be even more inclined to help with her sister.

[llucie]

31 minutes ago, Markie said:

I don’t follow Alyssa regularly. Has she said why Allie and the baby are sharing a room and the middle two are sharing? My opinion is she wants Allie to get up and soothe the baby throughout the night. Or Allie could be the best sleeper and not apt to wake up when the baby fusses. 

She has said the baby still sleeps on their bedroom, and will sleep with them until she sleeps better. She never explained why is the middle two sharing, but maybe they just get along better, who knows.

[SassyPants]

If Maci is sleeping with her parents, she must have a bassinet in the master because there was a white crib in Allie’s room. I don’t think J and A have ever mentioned co-sleeping. 

[llucie]

7 hours ago, SassyPants said:

If Maci is sleeping with her parents, she must have a bassinet in the master because there was a white crib in Allie’s room. I don’t think J and A have ever mentioned co-sleeping. 

In the house tour video i couldnt see any bassinet in their room. It was one of their latest videos where Alyssa said this, she said they would wait until Maci sleeps better to put her in her room, and it was after this that John mentioned Maci was slepping trought the night already and Alyssa said he had no idea what he is talking about.

[Melissa1977]

16 hours ago, SassyPants said:

If Maci is sleeping with her parents, she must have a bassinet in the master because there was a white crib in Allie’s room. I don’t think J and A have ever mentioned co-sleeping. 

They don't co-sleep in the same bed, but they share bedroom with newborns. Well, in the old house babies slept in the closet, so maybe Maci's crib is in the closet now.

They sleeptrain following Ezzo's book (the worst sleeptraining ever, because denies night feedings). Alyssa said she use it as a guide, adapting to each baby, but I'm not sure if she was sincere or just trying to avoid being scolded in IG. I hope she is flexible and at least babies are feed at night!

Kelly was a huge Ezzo fan, but Erin, Carlin and Josie don't seem to be (they have posted about co-sleeping or about "big" babies still waking up at nights. If they are a bit softer than Kelly, good for them.

 

8 hours ago, llucie said:

In the house tour video i couldnt see any bassinet in their room.

I think she has a crib in the master bedroom (maybe she removed to make the bedroom look better in the video?). I hope Maci is not sleeping in the floor. She seems to be always on the sitting-room floor but all her sisters slept in cribs.

Or maybe she sleeps in the closet, like her sisters did.

Edited April 20, 2021 by Melissa1977
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[Markie]

The bassinet might not match her decor so she just doesn’t show it in photos. Hopefully is sleeping with and cared for you adults, not a six year old.  

[BeccaGrim]

Having rescued a child from drowning once at a birthday party, every time I see one of her pool videos I shudder. 

[Jackie3]

On 4/18/2021 at 2:49 PM, Melissa1977 said:

Allie is the new Michaela.

But I'm not sure she is able to wake up at nights to sooth the baby, usually 6 year old are deep sleepers. Anyway, Alyssa does the Ezzo training, so it is not that she expects Allie to be a full time nanny at nights. I suppose she will train Maci and when she sleeps full night, she will move to Allie's room.

 

 

I agree that Alyssa is happy to have Allie as a helper. This was how she was raised.

However, I follow them pretty closely and I see little evidence that she is "the new Michaela." I've seen Allie feed the baby a bottle (something I did as a little girl too). I've seen a post by Alyssa where she boasts that Allie helped her sisters dress. I've seen a few comments about how she's a loving big sister. 

Other than that, I've just seen a six-year old who is mostly running and jumping around with her sisters, like an ordinary child. She's nothing like Michaela, who always had a baby on her hip and whose good nature was probably terribly exploited. 

When I see Allie changing diapers or carrying Maci on her hip, I'll think she is the new Michaela. Right now, I just see a little girl who helps out a little.