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Justin and Claire 3: Always Beige


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1 hour ago, HereticHick said:

This rule of thumb only works if you consider your partner some sort of a fashion accessory, rather than a...partner.

And being obsessed about whether or not someone "looks their age"--by what standards?  Western European White standards?  

By how you get treated by other people in public. It matters. I still get treated like a teen by the vast majority of people -even at work, where people know I'm in my 30s and have a masters degree.

And yeah, sorry not sorry, I prefer attractive looking couples and I want my S/O and I to look attractive together. Sue me.

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3 hours ago, Mrs Ms said:

Haven’t watched the video. Is there a chance she is calling Justin “Juddy” or is it clearly “Duddy “?

It's written "Duddy". I didn't listen to anything.

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On 10/18/2021 at 3:18 PM, CaptainFunderpants said:

By how you get treated by other people in public. It matters. I still get treated like a teen by the vast majority of people -even at work, where people know I'm in my 30s and have a masters degree.

And yeah, sorry not sorry, I prefer attractive looking couples and I want my S/O and I to look attractive together. Sue me.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to find your future partner physically attractive by your own internal desires, as long as its one of many other qualities like personality, beliefs, how they treat others, etc.

 

Whats messed up is when physical attractiveness is the only thing that matters and it's not based on your individual desires but on conforming to an elitist, racist "standard" of conventional attractiveness as considered by WASP social climbers, which the only thing they equate with value for worthiness.

At face value the term "attractiveness" alone can mean very different things and that's definitely the case here IMO.

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Was Duddy not similar to the username that commented on a Duggar business review (his profile picture was him and Claire, one of the first “sightings”, I believe)? 

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20 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

Was Duddy not similar to the username that commented on a Duggar business review (his profile picture was him and Claire, one of the first “sightings”, I believe)? 

Was he Dudley Do Right? One of the Howlers posted reviews using that moniker.

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2 hours ago, marmalade said:

Was he Dudley Do Right? One of the Howlers posted reviews using that moniker.

Yeah, you are right, he was. I wonder if Juddy/Duddy/Duddley are all connecting nicknames. 

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On 10/19/2021 at 3:18 AM, CaptainFunderpants said:

And yeah, sorry not sorry, I prefer attractive looking couples and I want my S/O and I to look attractive together. Sue me.

You do you.

But attractiveness can change over the years - what if your significant other gains weight, loses his hair, changes his features (e.g. gets wrinkles)? It happens. And then other things are more important for most people. So when I see couples out and about, I try not to judge how well they match just based on their looks. 
 

But then I’ve always been more attracted to intellect and personality than looks, so when I find someone attractive upon meeting and talking them, that doesn’t necessarily mean other people would find them attractive at all (or that I would find them attractive based on just a photo).

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14 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

You do you.

But attractiveness can change over the years - what if your significant other gains weight, loses his hair, changes his features (e.g. gets wrinkles)? It happens. And then other things are more important for most people. So when I see couples out and about, I try not to judge how well they match just based on their looks. 
 

But then I’ve always been more attracted to intellect and personality than looks, so when I find someone attractive upon meeting and talking them, that doesn’t necessarily mean other people would find them attractive at all (or that I would find them attractive based on just a photo).

People have different values and prioritize them differently. For me if someone isn't physically fit, it's a total non-starter.

My respective S/Os and I always have spoken openly about body fat percentage and I always date people where neither one of us is shy about mentioning it and how we mutually have zero desire to date an overweight, let alone obese, person.

If my guy gains weight, I expect him to max out at 20%, while I max out at 30%. Most would consider that merely "pudgy" and so it can be fixed within a few weeks. His typical body fat is 8-13 and mine is 18-23, respectively. And meds aren't an excuse for more than a couple of weeks; if I'm on a short round of Prednisone, then 10lbs of weight gain is fine but it's lost promptly; if it's a longer protocol, then I make sure to portion my food and up my exercise. My face still gets puffy, but the rest of my measurements remain the same.

The difference between a spouse and a plain old best friend is the desire to get in their pants. If they gain a bunch of weight and I'm not attracted to them for six+ months, it's probably over. And a non-weight physical disability is fine; he could lose a leg or an arm or an eye or become paralyzed and I'd be fine with it as long as fitness was still a priority.

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2 hours ago, SimplyMe said:

Nothing says deep and profound love more than “if you gain weight and keep it on for more than six months, I’ll leave you.”  
 

Damn.  That’s cold and absolutely horrible and vain and just plain awful.  You sound like someone with an eating disorder / exercise compulsion / body dysmorphia / fat phobia.  I have no words.  Other than you need therapy.  God forbid you find yourself in a situation where you gain weight and can’t take it back off.   

Not my cup of tea, but clearly there is someone for everyone. 
 

Under those circumstances I would have lost my partner of 19 years 16 years ago when I had the first of 4 accidents/medical issues that have caused me to gain 30kg since we started dating. He wouldn’t have had his 3 kids but he might have a skinny partner…. 🤷‍♀️

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I mean each their own and everyone has different preferences when it comes to dating. If you are a very active person I get why you want to date an equally physically fit person. This per se isn‘t different from others saying intellect or a good education is attractive. Question is what if the S/O gets very ill and gains weight? If you have cancer or another severe disease I can‘t imagine keeping the weight off is a top priority. 

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8 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

People have different values and prioritize them differently. For me if someone isn't physically fit, it's a total non-starter.

My respective S/Os and I always have spoken openly about body fat percentage and I always date people where neither one of us is shy about mentioning it and how we mutually have zero desire to date an overweight, let alone obese, person.

If my guy gains weight, I expect him to max out at 20%, while I max out at 30%. Most would consider that merely "pudgy" and so it can be fixed within a few weeks. His typical body fat is 8-13 and mine is 18-23, respectively. And meds aren't an excuse for more than a couple of weeks; if I'm on a short round of Prednisone, then 10lbs of weight gain is fine but it's lost promptly; if it's a longer protocol, then I make sure to portion my food and up my exercise. My face still gets puffy, but the rest of my measurements remain the same.

The difference between a spouse and a plain old best friend is the desire to get in their pants. If they gain a bunch of weight and I'm not attracted to them for six+ months, it's probably over. And a non-weight physical disability is fine; he could lose a leg or an arm or an eye or become paralyzed and I'd be fine with it as long as fitness was still a priority.

I mean to each their own and I honestly mean no judgement, but this sounds exhausting to keep track of and care about. I also really just think BMI is a poor tool to use because people carry weight so differently. My husband and I have been together 10 years and I’ve seen him fluctuate between 160-230lbs for his 6’5” height.  He looked sickly at his lowest weight and wasn’t really chunky looking even at his heaviest due to the way his body carries weight and I wouldn’t even venture into calling him overweight or obese for his height even at his heaviest. And I still definitely wanted to sleep with him just the same at 160lbs as 230lbs.  I’m shorter at 5’1”, and at my current weight, I’m on the upper end of the normal BMI that approaches the “overweight” category, but I wear a size 4 and often wear juniors and even kid’s sizes in maxi skirts since they fit my height. I hardly think most women would consider that overweight even though my BMI would suggest that I’m close to it. But, when it comes to partners, I also am the type of person who is attracted to a personality over looks any day of the week. So I couldn’t care less what a person’s looks are as long as they’re a kind human with a great sense of humor. I get wanting an active partner if you’re also active, but the obsessive number tracking just doesn’t seem healthy for a relationship. 

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Well Damn. I'm glad my husband didn't have that criteria for me. Between babies and then battling thyroid disease I'd definitely be tossed out. He does have a hump in his back from being diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis (hunchback disease), so I guess it's good I didn't set strict height guidelines on him. 🙄

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I was watching a true crime show (because I watch way too much) and there was a story where a wife lost well over 100lbs through her workout class. She gained so much confidence and was happier with herself. Her husband ended up killing her. He wanted an overweight, depressed wife with no confidence. 

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21 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I was watching a true crime show (because I watch way too much) and there was a story where a wife lost well over 100lbs through her workout class. She gained so much confidence and was happier with herself. Her husband ended up killing her. He wanted an overweight, depressed wife with no confidence. 

I think I saw that one on Investigation Discovery.  The wife's name was Melissa, if I am not mistaken.  She became a completely different person after the weight came off and the husband couldn't handle it.  

The biggest takeaway I have learned from true crime shows:  Beware if your spouse thrusts a high-limit life insurance policy in your face and insists you sign it.  That's a major red flag.   

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My husband was told by our doctor that his cholesterol was getting high. So my husband decided to change his diet and exercise more. He’s lost a little weight. I’ll be honest, I don’t find him any more or less attractive. It’s only like 10-15 lbs. I have never been into very thin men. But if he got very thin due to diet and exercise, I would still love him and be attracted to him. His weight has fluctuated throughout our time together just like mine has. I’m being completely honest when I say I just care about his health. So whatever weight is best for his health and cholesterol, is all I care about. If it’s thinner than my usual taste, oh well. I want him to live for a very long time and I want him to be healthy. Period.

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1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I was watching a true crime show (because I watch way too much) and there was a story where a wife lost well over 100lbs through her workout class. She gained so much confidence and was happier with herself. Her husband ended up killing her. He wanted an overweight, depressed wife with no confidence. 

I saw that one!!  I think he wanted her the way she was before because she was needy. Like you said after the weight loss she got so much confidence and I have a feeling he was threatened by it. 

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1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I was watching a true crime show (because I watch way too much) and there was a story where a wife lost well over 100lbs through her workout class. She gained so much confidence and was happier with herself. Her husband ended up killing her. He wanted an overweight, depressed wife with no confidence. 

Yep, that was a Dateline episode. 

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18 hours ago, SimplyMe said:

Nothing says deep and profound love more than “if you gain weight and keep it on for more than six months, I’ll leave you.”  
 

Damn.  That’s cold and absolutely horrible and vain and just plain awful.  You sound like someone with an eating disorder / exercise compulsion / body dysmorphia / fat phobia.  I have no words.  Other than you need therapy.  God forbid you find yourself in a situation where you gain weight and can’t take it back off.   

So much this. I was reading about fat percentage in the initial message and my mind was going: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩👀

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On 10/20/2021 at 9:06 PM, CaptainFunderpants said:

People have different values and prioritize them differently. For me if someone isn't physically fit, it's a total non-starter.

My respective S/Os and I always have spoken openly about body fat percentage and I always date people where neither one of us is shy about mentioning it and how we mutually have zero desire to date an overweight, let alone obese, person.

If my guy gains weight, I expect him to max out at 20%, while I max out at 30%. Most would consider that merely "pudgy" and so it can be fixed within a few weeks. His typical body fat is 8-13 and mine is 18-23, respectively. And meds aren't an excuse for more than a couple of weeks; if I'm on a short round of Prednisone, then 10lbs of weight gain is fine but it's lost promptly; if it's a longer protocol, then I make sure to portion my food and up my exercise. My face still gets puffy, but the rest of my measurements remain the same.

The difference between a spouse and a plain old best friend is the desire to get in their pants. If they gain a bunch of weight and I'm not attracted to them for six+ months, it's probably over. And a non-weight physical disability is fine; he could lose a leg or an arm or an eye or become paralyzed and I'd be fine with it as long as fitness was still a priority.

Can you just stop trolling with the fat shaming on every post in every darn thread? First, the Michaela thread and now here!

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On 10/16/2021 at 4:13 PM, QuiverFullofBooks said:

Tom Cruise’s limit is 33. All three of his wives were 33 when they divorced. Or maybe 33 is when a woman becomes too mature to want to be with him. And a tabloid speculated that it’s because of some symbolism it has in Scientology

I still do a happy dance that Katie threw him for a loop and got away. He would have ruined Suri, just my opinion.

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