Safe At Home 6: PIGS ARE FLYING! Luke is Engaged!

[JermajestyDuggar]

I see homechurching amongst fundies just like I see homeschooling. They only do it because they want to keep their children away from the world. They only want their beliefs and ideas to be taught to their children. Nothing else! If they are exposed to different biblical interpretations, they might disagree with dad! They might start thinking for themselves! And we can’t have that. 

[Anne Of Gray Gables]

2 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

Mark is 39 so 15 years ago he was 24. By that time he had an older brother that was 27 (Paul) and 25 (John) who from our view didn't have any serious girlfriends so why would he think he would be married and having kids in the near future.

snip

*I know, I know there is a house through the trees that some of the boys may (or may not) now live in but that is still a trail away from the mothership. 

And the house through the trees probably only exists because even their large house isn't big enough space for all 16 adults. I'm willing to bet nothing that wouldn't happen in the big house goes on in that house. If Paul decided he wanted to have a few beers and invite some people over on Friday night, my money is on Mark squealing on him.

Years ago, Mark and Luke used to have personal diaries posted on their website. Years worth of diary entries. I felt like such a voyeur 🤭 reading them and hoped they were fully on board with such personal stuff being posted. I remember Luke being really focused on his weight loss journey, talking a lot about food and workouts. On the other hand, Mark focused quite a bit on his dream girl. What she'd be like, where he'd find her, and generally what he expected of her. Even then I remember thinking - and what about YOU? What will you be bringing to this fantasy relationship? What do you see as YOUR growth opportunities? It was always about the woman and what he decided he would need from her.

So it's not surprising that he's now pushing 40 and still hasn't bumped into that perfect "girl".  Ridiculous standards aside, he lives at home (or the auxiliary home), has no plans to ever branch his photography business outside of the FamTeam, and is deeply - disturbingly, really - enmeshed with his parents and siblings.  

And so, Mark and the other FamTeam boys, if you truly want a fulfilling marriage and a family, maybe it's time to start thinking about what a perspective future wife might be looking for in a husband rather than just what you want. To help you get started, here's one key word for you - Independence. 

[0 kids n not countin]

They need to follow the Maxwell example and accept they are no longer "relevant" and stop with the public persona, I'm not sure who, with the exception of family, is interested in seeing old photos of the family, seeing old videos, reading old diary entries. Also, the four older golden man boys should maybe contact Sarah regarding advice on how to leave the borg and have a life when one has entered "middle age".

 

[livinginthelight]

18 hours ago, 0 kids n not countin said:

They need to follow the Maxwell example and accept they are no longer "relevant" and stop with the public persona, I'm not sure who, with the exception of family, is interested in seeing old photos of the family, seeing old videos, reading old diary entries. Also, the four older golden man boys should maybe contact Sarah regarding advice on how to leave the borg and have a life when one has entered "middle age".

 

Except with them, I'm not sure it was ever about fame or relevance. I think for the parents it was always about keeping them safe at home,as an unindividuated hive.

I still find it so weird that in one video from years ago, mom is watching the movie "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." Dangling the possibility of marriage in front of them but even then sending the message that every action must be done as a group, not individually.

[Smee]

On 9/22/2022 at 1:17 AM, livinginthelight said:

Except with them, I'm not sure it was ever about fame or relevance. I think for the parents it was always about keeping them safe at home,as an unindividuated hive.

I still find it so weird that in one video from years ago, mom is watching the movie "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers." Dangling the possibility of marriage in front of them but even then sending the message that every action must be done as a group, not individually.

You might be on to something here. Maybe if they want to find a spouse they should look for a group of say 4 deeply enmeshed sisters that all want to marry brothers. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I think that if it wasn’t taboo, fundie parents would push their children to marry their fundie cousins. Many other insular groups in history married cousins. But since it’s taboo today, they just push their fundie cousins and siblings to be their pretend boyfriends/girlfriends and BFFs. 

[Eastcoastn]

Re that video posted today: I can't handle the singing, nor can I handle that Mary's hair is almost exactly Cathy's 1950's housewife style that she wears. Ick. I will, however, note that they are relatively nice looking people until they open their mouths (literally, they have that strange 'Arndt' face and figuratively because their values make them a-holes). LOL.

[Anne Of Gray Gables]

5 hours ago, Eastcoastn said:

Re that video posted today: I can't handle the singing, nor can I handle that Mary's hair is almost exactly Cathy's 1950's housewife style that she wears. Ick. I will, however, note that they are relatively nice looking people until they open their mouths (literally, they have that strange 'Arndt' face and figuratively because their values make them a-holes). LOL.

Agree, although arguably Bert and Nan Bobbsey here sound better than the manboys who always sing at Sunday service. That's torturous. 

[Petronella]

On 10/2/2022 at 5:20 PM, Eastcoastn said:

Re that video posted today: I can't handle the singing, nor can I handle that Mary's hair is almost exactly Cathy's 1950's housewife style that she wears. Ick. I will, however, note that they are relatively nice looking people until they open their mouths (literally, they have that strange 'Arndt' face and figuratively because their values make them a-holes). LOL.

Where is the video? On Facebook, the last video I see is from April.

[Eastcoastn]

1 hour ago, Petronella said:

Where is the video? On Facebook, the last video I see is from April.

On their YouTube page  

[Anne Of Gray Gables]

12 hours ago, Petronella said:

Where is the video? On Facebook, the last video I see is from April.

YouTube and FB. They've been posting quite a bit on YouTube lately.

 

[Eastcoastn]

Did you see Paul's update on the land? He mentions grandkids which, I'm assuming they will have some someday, but why the heck would you assume you and your wife and kids are going to live on the Arndt compound?? Do you really not want to get away from your parents that badly?

[Howl]

24 minutes ago, Eastcoastn said:

why the heck would you assume you and your wife and kids are going to live on the Arndt compound?

Just more evidence of profound enmeshment. These boys literally cannot imagine individuating enough to live away from their parents and brothers.  

It's a monastery where all the monks are related and have taken an involuntary vow of chastity. 

[gustava]

13 hours ago, Howl said:

Just more evidence of profound enmeshment. These boys literally cannot imagine individuating enough to live away from their parents and brothers.  

It's a monastery where all the monks are related and have taken an involuntary vow of chastity. 

I think they are voluntarily “chaste.”   They’ve made choices.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

If you're brainwashed/ coerced/ guilted into choosing something is it really voluntary?

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

If you're brainwashed/ coerced/ guilted into choosing something is it really voluntary?

That can always be argued here on FJ. Some people draw the line at adulthood. Some don’t. But people join cults as adults and aren’t born into it. 

[Black Aliss]

12 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

12 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

If you're brainwashed/ coerced/ guilted into choosing something is it really voluntary?

That can always be argued here on FJ. Some people draw the line at adulthood. Some don’t. But people join cults as adults and aren’t born into it. 

It's essentially Stockholm Syndrome,  except  they are born into captivity, rather than being kidnapped or taken as hostages.

[gustava]

9 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

It's essentially Stockholm Syndrome,  except  they are born into captivity, rather than being kidnapped or taken as hostages.

At their age, and knowing they've been out and about in the world, they are now responsible for their own lives.

[nokidsmom]

9 hours ago, gustava said:

At their age, and knowing they've been out and about in the world, they are now responsible for their own lives.

And one would think that some of them would see how the world is, compare it to the very limited existence at home, and want out.  And do it.

One of the things that woke me up to the very enmeshed existence in my own family home was actually getting out and traveling on my own at bit.    Once I had a taste of that, I knew I could not stay for long, tolerated it enough to get through college but once I graduated I had a plan to be out of there ASAP.

On 10/17/2022 at 4:42 PM, Eastcoastn said:

Did you see Paul's update on the land? He mentions grandkids which, I'm assuming they will have some someday, but why the heck would you assume you and your wife and kids are going to live on the Arndt compound?? Do you really not want to get away from your parents that badly?

When I got married my folks were upset that I was not going to live nearby.  They actually expected me to stay in the neighborhood, even though I wasn't moving that far away, about an hour away.   You would think I was moving to very ends of the earth the way they carried on.

I honestly saw that expectation as tantamount to never moving out.  I needed that distance, I wanted the distance actually.  If Mr. No was willing to comply, I would have said "hell, no!"

When I see the extreme enmeshment going on this family, I just marvel that any of them can stand it, much less think there's nothing wrong.

[Cults-r-us]

On 9/20/2022 at 3:42 PM, 0 kids n not countin said:

They need to follow the Maxwell example and accept they are no longer "relevant" and stop with the public persona, I'm not sure who, with the exception of family, is interested in seeing old photos of the family, seeing old videos, reading old diary entries. Also, the four older golden man boys should maybe contact Sarah regarding advice on how to leave the borg and have a life when one has entered "middle age".

 

I used to joke the Arndts could dig a tunnel under the Maxwell to help the girls escape. But the girls rescued theirselves! So, see that, Arndtboys! You, too, can rescue yourselves.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m just disappointed he calls her Catie and not Cathy, like mom 😂

[closetcagebaby]

Look!

Up in the sky!

Pigs! They’re flying!

[feministxtian]

Holy Shit!! An Arndt is getting married? Hell done froze over!!! 

[anjulibai]

Wow. I am shocked.

[ContrastingButtons]

Where does Luke fall in the order?  Will all the man boys be best men?  Will they live on the property?  So many questions!

Penguins are flying!!! 

Edited October 21, 2022 by ContrastingButtons