Bontrager/Bowers 8: Cringeworthy

[ophelia]

8 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

That's just because America is ridiculously overweight on the whole.

Excuse me - what?? That was extremely rude. I'm not even American and yet your comment really pissed me off. If you want to fatshame people you should find another place.

[Melissa1977]

11 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Allison still looks really thin to me. I know it's a first baby, but all of the women I've known were bigger than that at least 6 months. If I didn't know she's pregnant, I wouldn't be able to tell. 

She wore the kind of dress that makes belly "invisible" unless you have a very big one.

Anyway, I didn't had a belly until I was 6 months pregnant (even with my 2nd kid). It's just because the position of the uterus. 

Thin women (or women who aren't thin but don't show big pregnancy bellies) would love not to be told we look sick/underfed etc. I was asked if I was eating enough in my pregnancies! But the majority of women told me I was sooo lucky (not lucky for my healthy baby, but lucky for staying thin)... One way or another, women bodies are scrutined and I think it's a burden for all of us.

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She wore the kind of dress that makes belly "invisible" unless you have a very big one.

Anyway, I didn't had a belly until I was 6 months pregnant (even with my 2nd kid). It's just because the position of the uterus. 

Thin women (or women who aren't thin but don't show big pregnancy bellies) would love not to be told we look sick/underfed etc. I was asked if I was eating enough in my pregnancies! But the majority of women told me I was sooo lucky (not lucky for my healthy baby, but lucky for staying thin)... One way or another, women bodies are scrutined and I think it's a burden for all of us.

You are right about those dresses. Jeremiah’s sister is pregnant but you could never tell in that dress unless you looked at her from the side. 

I was in my regular pants with my first until 20 weeks. no one knew I was pregnant until I was close to 6 months along. My second was a very different story. I popped early. I gained less weight with that pregnancy but my belly was bigger! My belly just wanted to pop right out early.  Each pregnancy is different. Even with the same mother.

Edited March 25, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[Bluebirdbluebell]

10 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

She wore the kind of dress that makes belly "invisible" unless you have a very big one.

Anyway, I didn't had a belly until I was 6 months pregnant (even with my 2nd kid). It's just because the position of the uterus. 

Thin women (or women who aren't thin but don't show big pregnancy bellies) would love not to be told we look sick/underfed etc. I was asked if I was eating enough in my pregnancies! But the majority of women told me I was sooo lucky (not lucky for my healthy baby, but lucky for staying thin)... One way or another, women bodies are scrutined and I think it's a burden for all of us.

But she is 6 or 7 months pregnant. 

[Melissa1977]

48 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

But she is 6 or 7 months pregnant. 

With that dress, it's perfectly normal not to look pregnant. Allison has posted a couple pictures (in IG stories) and she showed a little belly. But again, she is young and healthy-looking. Why to be bothered because she doesn't look heavily pregnant? The size of the belly has zero importance and means nothing. And it's not unusual at all to be a thin pregnant woman. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

They got Hannie to sing with them over the weekend.

I am pretty sure Liz and Hannie have likely hit fundie BFF status since they are matching their outfits. 

Edited March 25, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[CaptainFunderpants]

17 hours ago, ophelia said:

Excuse me - what?? That was extremely rude. I'm not even American and yet your comment really pissed me off. If you want to fatshame people you should find another place.

No it's not. It's the truth 80% of Americans are overweight or obese and so peoples idea of what a normal, metabolically healthy person looks like gets incredibly skewed.

If anything, you're body shaming her saying "she doesn't look pregnant enough."

Sorry that she doesn't have the pregnant body you think she should have, but she looks perfectly pregnant for a physically fit human. Go Allison!

[justmy2cents]

1 hour ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

No it's not. It's the truth 80% of Americans are overweight or obese and so peoples idea of what a normal, metabolically healthy person looks like gets incredibly skewed.

If anything, you're body shaming her saying "she doesn't look pregnant enough."

Sorry that she doesn't have the pregnant body you think she should have, but she looks perfectly pregnant for a physically fit human. Go Allison!

You know it would have been enough to just point out that all women carry different, some showing earlier and some later, regardless of their weight. It was really unnecessary to insult an entire nation as being ignorant to what a "normal" person looks like pregnant. I can assure you that even though I am far from my ideal weight these days I can still recognize what looks healthy and what doesn't, and I bet I'm not alone.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

First of all I know plenty of people who are a healthy weight and not obese. I live in America. 

Secondly women who are fat or obese actually tend to show less during pregnancy. Here is an article that talks about plus sized women. An OB/GYN in the article says that "a woman who is overweight, may never show during pregnancy." 

Hopefully Allison is healthy and so is the baby.  Obviously you can't tell whether someone is healthy by looking at them. 

Edited March 26, 2021 by Bluebirdbluebell

[Smash!]

I want to add that the reasons why people are and stay overweight are incredibly complex. It‘s not done by telling them to just eat less and work out more indicating everyone who isn’t on their ideal weight is lazy. It‘s unfortunately not that simple and it takes a ton of energy and determination to shed those pounds and keep it that way.

[Melissa1977]

21 minutes ago, Smash! said:

I want to add that the reasons why people are and stay overweight are incredibly complex. It‘s not done by telling them to just eat less and work out more indicating everyone who isn’t on their ideal weight is lazy. It‘s unfortunately not that simple and it takes a ton of energy and determination to shed those pounds and keep it that way.

What amazes me is that telling somebody fat is considered an insult, but if a healthy-looking pregnant woman hasn't a big belly, then she "may be sick" or hidding her pregnancy or whatever. A poster said "I hope Allison is healthy" only because in her mind, a pregnant woman showing a little bump may indicate a problem, despite the belly size has no relation with health, baby weight, etc. Isn't it bodyshaming? 

In FJ, I often read comments about thin women not looking healthy, or being labelled as underfed, or suspects of eating disorders. Then I look at them and they are normal for me. I think that in some places (not only in the US, but all over the world) being overweight has become more usual than it was in the past, so thin people are looked as "rare", when they are perfectly normal.

[freethemall]

Can we all just agree that your weight is not always the best indicator of your health - I know plenty of people who appear overweight but are actually very active and have super healthy diets, and super unhealthy thin and/or skinny people. That's why for instance sometimes in the J Rod forums people pay attention to other signs like dark under eye circles. I've had to explain some of this to my own family in Europe though who similarly makes these kinds of comments about the US, because we've gotten a lot of attention on the media for issues with obesity. 

Same goes with pregnancy. I am a smaller person, pre-first pregnancy 5 years ago a few years ago I was about size 4, 110 lbs, 5'1. Bounced back decently due to high metabolism and 2 years of breastfeeding,some exercise but mostly the physical work of mothering. Now on my 2nd and at 27 weeks, yesterday I weighed in at 127 lbs. My bump is pretty damn big now but it took a while because I spent so much time puking and having food aversions that i barely gained any weight until starting 6 weeks ago. I get lots of comments about being small with a big bump, even yesterday a nurse said "I bet you've had to buy lots of maternity clothes!"

Also for fun, look up cryptic pregnancies. They seem crazy, but there are situations where people carry in a way that they have virtually  no bump.

 

[usedbicycle]

So I finally got around to watching the royal Bontrich wedding and it did not disappoint. 

I got interrupted a couple times during Marlin's speech and had to pause the video - both time I laughed for about 10 minutes at the stills. Look at each person's face, especially the Bontrager siblings ?.. Their faces speak for all of us, including Mitch who looks like he smoked a big one right before the ceremony.

ETA: Forgive me if this is not as funny as it seems to me right now. My kids are sick and I'm functioning on basically no sleep and a large glass of Friday night wine.

Edited March 27, 2021 by usedbicycle

[ADoyle90815]

When it comes to pregnancy, as long as a doctor says that a woman is healthy and the fetus appears healthy, that should be all that matters. It's true that weight doesn't always mean someone's unhealthy as there are plenty of skinny people who need medication to keep their cholesterol levels normal, while someone who might look obese might have normal blood pressure and cholesterol levels. One of the worst things that's used to determine health in my opnion is BMI as it's easy for someone who has a lot of muscle mass to be considered overweight because of the numbers.

Edited March 27, 2021 by ADoyle90815

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

Re: obesity rates, the US ranks 12th in the world for obesity with about 32% of the population in the obese category, as of 2016. Yes, obesity and being overweight are two different categories. (Source:  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_obesity_rate). The relationship between obesity and health is complicated. I read an article about it a while ago (I want to say it was in The Atlantic) which said about 25% of obese ppl are perfectly healthy and about 25% of non-obese ppl are not healthy (in terms of blood pressure, heart health, diabetes etc.). 

That all said, ppl tend to get riled up when you apply a statistical average of a population to everybody in that population. I.e. there are plenty of people of all sizes in the US.

Another point is that it's relatively easy to make public health decisions that encourage obesity (build non walkable neighbourhoods, don't fund public transit, subsidize corn which then gets made into very cheap processed food and soda, etc.) and very difficult to lose the weight if you have it.

Lastly, I'm 19 weeks pregnant and just starting to have a bump that doesn't just look like a food baby. There really is a huge range of when/if you "pop" and by how much! Your Dr checks this. It's fine. People need to chill.

[ophelia]

48 minutes ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Lastly, I'm 19 weeks pregnant and just starting to have a bump that doesn't just look like a food baby. There really is a huge range of when/if you "pop" and by how much! Your Dr checks this. It's fine. People need to chill.

Congrats to you, @PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and don't have a baby pump yet, just my ordinary big belly, but since I can't pull it in anymore I look like I already gained lots of weight (it's only been 1 kg so far). I'm overweight and maybe even obese, but healthy and quite athletic. My MIL can't stop telling me how hard it is going to be to deliver a baby, since in her book being fat equals being lazy and unathletic. I told my midwife about this, because I was starting to worry myself, but she was so incredible kind and supportive and took a lot of worry off my shoulders.

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, ophelia said:

Congrats to you, @PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and don't have a baby pump yet, just my ordinary big belly, but since I can't pull it in anymore I look like I already gained lots of weight (it's only been 1 kg so far). I'm overweight and maybe even obese, but healthy and quite athletic. My MIL can't stop telling me how hard it is going to be to deliver a baby, since in her book being fat equals being lazy and unathletic. I told my midwife about this, because I was starting to worry myself, but she was so incredible kind and supportive and took a lot of worry off my shoulders.

My sister and I both had 2 vaginal births while overweight. Giving birth is hard regardless of weight in my opinion. I don’t think you will have it any harder than anyone else in general. 

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

8 hours ago, ophelia said:

Congrats to you, @PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and don't have a baby pump yet, just my ordinary big belly, but since I can't pull it in anymore I look like I already gained lots of weight (it's only been 1 kg so far). I'm overweight and maybe even obese, but healthy and quite athletic. My MIL can't stop telling me how hard it is going to be to deliver a baby, since in her book being fat equals being lazy and unathletic. I told my midwife about this, because I was starting to worry myself, but she was so incredible kind and supportive and took a lot of worry off my shoulders.

Thanks, and congrats right back! Sorry to hear about your MIL. She sounds like a piece of work. Ideally, she'd be treating you like gold as you incubate a new grandkid!

 

 

 

[ophelia]

7 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Thanks, and congrats right back! Sorry to hear about your MIL. She sounds like a piece of work. Ideally, she'd be treating you like gold as you incubate a new grandkid!

Yes, a REALLLL piece of work. She has a really hard time that my boyfriends first marriage didn't work out and she can't see her granddaughter on a regular basis. I totally understand that this is hard for her.

For her it is kind of "inconvenient" that she now has to get to know me, another woman, and that I'm liberal and outspoken. She almost fainted when we told her that the baby will get my family name.

I have to stop here, because otherwise I'll cry. I'm kind of afraid of that woman. I'm not really good in setting boundaries since I'm a major people pleaser, but I really have to work on that, because otherwise that woman is going to destroy me and our relationship in the long run.

Sorry. Rant over.

[SorenaJ]

If pregnant people carry really differently, does that mean that the fundal height would vary a lot for people at the same gestation length as well?

[Melissa1977]

42 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

If pregnant people carry really differently, does that mean that the fundal height would vary a lot for people at the same gestation length as well?

Fundal height is outdated, because ultrasounds give much better information about baby size. Bigger bumps do not mean bigger babies. 

[lexiloumarie]

50 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

If pregnant people carry really differently, does that mean that the fundal height would vary a lot for people at the same gestation length as well?

Sometimes but how your uterus pops out doesnt mean it's not the right size internally. /Someone who carried towards her back and had soooo many comments about it. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, SorenaJ said:

If pregnant people carry really differently, does that mean that the fundal height would vary a lot for people at the same gestation length as well?

My doctor still measured fundal height but I never put much stock in it. And my doctor didn’t care if I was off a little because she knew I had a dating ultrasound. 

Edited March 29, 2021 by JermajestyDuggar

[Melissa1977]

21 hours ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Re: obesity rates, the US ranks 12th in the world for obesity with about 32% of the population in the obese category, as of 2016. Yes, obesity and being overweight are two different categories. (Source:  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_obesity_rate). The relationship between obesity and health is complicated

Obesity rates have increased all over the world and the main reason is leaving traditional food and eating processed one. Plus walking less and less. I think obesity rates should scare all of us, not because some  individuals weight more than average (which is normal and healthy), but because whole countries or communities becoming "unnaturally" overweight. I say unnaturally because these are people who (in general) would weight less if eating traditionally or walking in a daily basis.

Of course, some overweight people is healthy and some thin people is not. But broadly speaking, processed food leads to health problems (and often, but not always, leads to obesity). Many junk eaters keep fine for years, but at their forties or fifties, healthy issues arise.

That's why people should be conscious of what they are eating, not about their weight. But it's usually the opposite: only when they get overweight, they change habits. Those who keep thin despite eating junk (like Alyssa B), are labeled as lucky people. I don't think she is lucky, because she or her daughters can develope health issues and realise it too late, just because they look slim.  

[Foudeb]

You don't compare fundal height to other people's, you compare it to yourself. If it was growing nicely and then suddenly grows more slowly, or balloons up out of nowhere, it might be worth going for an extra scan to check everything is OK. Why not do the scan straight away? Because you need specialist equipment and someone skilled to operate it, and some people are concerned about doing it too often as we don't know the consequences of overexposure on a growing foetus. Fundal height is a bit of dressmaking tape measurer from top of bump to pelvic bone, anyone can measure it, and there are no side effects to doing it a lot. 

It's a bit like the weight of a newborn - it's not measured against other babies' weights but against their own, are they gaining weight consistently and at a regular pace is all that matters, not whether they're shrimp sized or superchunky - both can be equally healthy.