Bro Gary Hawkins 16: In BetWeen

[thoughtful 108,604]

Hey, Gary - Trump's goon, Barr, wants the electric chair (and firing squads - you didn't even think of that one, did you?) used. So stop blaming Democrats for the potential death by electric chair you dream of.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/27/politics/federal-execution-new-rule-firing-squads/index.html

Gary steals a joke:

Spoiler

Don't worship FB land. And if you disagree with Gary, you are wrong.

Spoiler

 

[Ozlsn 44,574]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Hey, Gary - Trump's goon, Barr, wants the electric chair (and firing squads - you didn't even think of that one, did you?) used. So stop blaming Democrats for the potential death by electric chair you dream of.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/11/27/politics/federal-execution-new-rule-firing-squads/index.html

Not a lot says tinpot dictator like rushing to execute people before you go. Geez. I am at least glad (ish) that he's not co-opting the armed forces in to do it (yet).

Seriously, 273,000 plus deaths from covid and this is what they focus on? Fuck Dumpy and his entire team of arseholes.

 

[thoughtful 108,604]

Gary kicked off his vacation by preaching at Forestdale Baptist in Knoxville TN tonight. Congregational singing of Trust and Obey starts them off, then pastor prays while Gary moans and calls out. They all sing Wonderful, Wonderful Jesus, and Trusting Jesus, neither of which Gary seems to know. He joins back in for the refrain of 'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus. Offertory is taken to a piano solo of Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus, to which a few people softly sing along.

Pastor remind them that this could be the last day - Jesus could step out on the clouds at any time. Gary shoots out a super-loud "Haymun!"

Gary, Becky, and all three of the kids come to the piano:

Predictable old crap is under the spoiler, unique crap is outside of it.

Spoiler

As the Hawkinses approach the piano, Gary does the glad to be in church/thought I was in a Baptist church/'bout half of ya thing. The closer we get to the end, the less people want to come to church. Don't complain about four services a week, they went every day in bible times, church is important. After telling his family they're not allowed to answer (well, actually, he tells them to shut up), he tells the Trump/20/20 joke (which makes we want to say "even so, 1/20/2021, come soon!"). It gets a weak politeness chuckle from one person.

They took the prayer out of school, the 10 commandments out of the courthousssssse, but even worse, Jesus isn't even invited to church now. If you got a problem with anything Gary says, take it up with God, because that's who said it. Gary's opinions don't matter.

Husbands love your wives as God loved the church - that's a big responsibility. Ah'm not proud of this, ah'm not boastin' on this, but ah cain't say that every second that we've been married, that ah've loved her like Christ loved the church. You kin go ahead and take yer halos off, you ain't as good as you think you are amen. Gary says he should be willing to die for his wife, to take a bullet for her. To have a Godly marriage, you have to have God in the middle of it. Travelin' and flowers don't go together, but Gary has bought his wife flowers when they were in one place for a while. He sacrifices to let his wife do some things. He decries the rise of divorce in the church. His SIL with have trouble - his daughter is tough to live with.

Jimmy Robbins,  old-time preachers, entertainment and sugar-coatin' should not be in church. His wife hates it when he says this, but she's supposed to tickle his ears, not the preacher. Churches shouldn't have smokey things on, and boogie-woogie music (he does his tube-guy-outside-of-an-auto-dealer dance), he'd rather have a handful in church than a large crowd, as long as they believe in thedeathburialandresurrectionofourLordandsaviorJesusChrist. Buddha and Mohammed are burning in Hell for rejecting Jesus. Old rugged cross, tortures, if God repented of creating humans back in Geneisis, how must He feel in 2020? He tells his story about the guest preacher from The Rock who was going to read from Revelation (Gary puts an s on it, of course) but not talk about doctrine, and told his underling to shut his mouth. Carl Lackey. Gary will be in a corner of Heaven with J the B, who named the sin and the sinner. He's heard IFB preachers say they are so independent they don't need God. He does his "funny-mental" line.

We need God in our country, all of the crookedness came because we stopped prayin', The vast majority was so happy when Trump got in that they relaxed. He knows the vahris is real, but it's got less chance of killin' you than cancer does. Our country's in a messsss. There's some that didn't even vote this year - he's willing to get up a fund to send people to a socialism country. USA is in the center of the word Jerusalem. We can't have worldwide revival, but we can have little sparks. You're allowed to talk politics in church, because the Bible is full of kings. Gary hopes Trump will be president in 2021. Mocking the mask, gloves (he did put one on in a restaurant, and Becky laughed at him because it was the wrong hand). He claims that, if you come to visit  him in NC, he has to put a mask on in case you have the corona. Jail, the electric chair, you can have the best governor in the world, but, if a Democrat is president, your governor ain't gonna be no good. Your neighbors watch to see if you go to church, so you better not quit. California is posting signs telling God to leave (still waiting for a citation on that one, Gary). Billy Kelly could swing over hell with a rotten con, con (with Becky's help) cornstalk. Maybe God's not convinced of you because you're not saved. 2 Corinthians 13:5 (ending with "reptobate" of course). People that die that are not saved are in Hell, then they will be cast into the lake of fahhr. Eternity's a long time. It's not just a prayer, you have to believe it with your heart. Joolah 11, 1999, Open Door Baptist Church, Sandhill Road, he seen himself burnin' in the lake of fahhr on the door. God had dealt with him before, but told him this was his last chance. The rich man in Hell.

"Verses" instead of verse, "whenever" instead of "when," listen, hey, am ah makin' sense tonight, ah wanna say somethin', ah'm not bein' mean, ah'm not bein' ugly.

They sing Through it All. Gary preaches a few sentences, then they sing There's a Record Book. They sound awful.

Pastor reminds us that there will be a judgment, but he knows he's in the Lamb's Book of Life. More singing - the pastor and a woman sing One Day I Will. They are much better at that country gospel sound, and of singing  expressively, like they understand the words, than the Hawkinses. Gary yells some Amens. Then the woman sings a song she says is "for Brother Hawkins" - I can't find this song anywhere - I may go back and listen to the lyrics and take them down. It's bouncy and funny. She just calls it The Preacher's Song.

A woman (gasp!) comes to the lectern:

Spoiler

Love that glowing red cross!

She talks about her gratitude for this church and some other things, most of which I can't hear around Gary's loud responses, then sings a song about protecting the church, how other churches are yielding to the enemy. Gary loves it, of course. Again, not anything I could find anywhere.

Either my google-fu is not working, or the ladies' groups in this church get together to write songs instead of quilting!

Gary comes up to preach.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+18%3A15-20&version=KJV

KJV: But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
Brother Gary version: But if he will not hear thee, then take it with thee one or two more, that is in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word shall be extablished.

KJV:  if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
BGV: if he shall neglect to hear the church, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto them as an heathen man and a publican.

This is the one that ends with "where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them," and Gary makes a point of repeating it.

I wonder how many good-hearted clergy have reminded their congregants of this verse over the past months, reassuring those who were watching over the Internet, with only a family member or two actually there beside them, that they were still part of the church, loved and included.

Not Gary, of course - he completely ignores that "two or three" nonsense to go straight to lavishing on the guilt about keeping Jesus in church.

"With the help of the Lord, just for a few minutes, ah wanna preach on Jesus Bein' in the Midst."

Gary starts asking them to turn to Genesis, then detours to make excuses about not having as much time as he wanted to prepare, because he couldn't find where he's staying. He called, texted "the woman" to say he was lost, and "ah don't think she keered."

He never does find the verse in Genesis that he claimed he wanted, and doesn't read anything from the Bible for the rest of the message. He does quote a few short things from memory.

Jesus started and instituted the family, by creating Adam and Eve and telling them to be fruitful "and multiplah."

"But He put it that a man would be head of the house, now listen, hey, when he done that, that's a responsibility, not a pleasure of bein', uh, some hahcho man amen?"

Gary, do you mean macho man? Honcho? A blend of the two? G, you are struggling with English - don't attempt Spanish.

"Mah wahf is not a beatin' post, mah wahf is not - ah'm not a dictator, ah am a head of the house, ah am a leader once in a while, mah wahf'll say 'well, ah need you to be the head of the house, ah need you to be the lead - ah need to be led.' Ah say, 'yeah, when it's convenient for you' amen?"

He gets a few chuckles, but no amens, then says "That's the way most people want it, when it's convenient for them."

Trying to back that bus up off of your wife, Gary? Too late - you drove it there.

Spoiler

Gary screams thank-yous to God that he ain't a woman. His son-in-law said "ah don't understand" about something his daughter said, and Gary screams at us that he said "Quit tryin' - you ain't never going to" and goes on to some other things about how impossible it is to figure women out.

"We need some husbands today, to have God on them, to love their wahvessssss."

Cool - how about starting with not mocking them in front of other people, and making sexist attempts at jokes that weren't even tolerable in 1950 - or 1850, for that matter.

He jokes about people who blame the food, instead of themselves, for getting fat, but goes on to another example of what he perceives as people's foolishness and excuse-making: "when people die, it's the gun's fault."

One of his twisted myths about liberals, I assume.

The wife is under the husband, the children are under the wife. Gary says that, even if one of your children behaves better than the others, you shouldn't have favoritism. Then he goes on to remind them that they have to whup their children, to prove that they love them, per the bible.

"Better be keerful - we gittin' churches now  that's doin' this prosellytin' thing - heh, we'll take anything, heh, we don't care what denomination you are, just come right on up in here, awana tell ya somethin' the Bible says 'do not eekil up' an' ah understand that's call - for marriages, but ah'm gonna tell ya, churches shouldn't be equal yokin' up with junk AMEN! False doctrine, false preaching, false teaching!"

I'm pretty sure he was trying to say that accepting people in your church that do not believe the exact doctrine you do leads to being unequally yoked.

We need some more shoutin' in our churches. Also chandelier-swinging. You ought to be a little drunk on Jesus.

Gary just got blocked on Facebook by a guy that put up a verse that "wasn't right."  Gary told him so, and the man answered that it was the New King James. Gary, of course, told him "that's not the Bahble."

"Ah'm not ashamed to tell you that ah am King James, from the top of mah head to the bottom of mah cowboy boots. Ah sanctifahed mah cowboy boots in the King James Bahble amen."

Well, that's reverent.

Gary tells us how hard he works, and how he wants to pass on that work ethic. It's not just a half-hour of preaching, he has to prepare and study and pray.  "Ah don't per se go out here and put a clock in and mash a button or whatever to get hours, but amana tell ya somethin', ah try to teach mah children working, amen?"

The phrase you are looking for, Gary, is "punch a time clock." And you are a shitty example to your children.

Gary says he bought his first car, but God bought his truck. No, you filthy liar, a man who had to take out a loan against his home bought it for you.

Gary says that people won't be allowed to travel to other countries unless they get the vaccine, but he's still got a burden for America.

"You know what America deserves? Democrat. Ah didn't say everybody, ah said the World. We deserve it, ya say wha? The way we treat God."

He praises "the lady" from South Dakota, who claims she couldn't have held the state together like she did if Joe Biden had been president this past year. He says he'd move there if it wasn't so cold.

Her name is Kristi Noem, Gary, and  please explain to me how the huge infection and death rate there constitutes being "held together."

Gary tells us that the governor of West Virginia is a Democrat pretending to be a Republican. Gary's going to Ohio soon, and says you have to be tucked up into bed by 10:00 PM - he wants to know if the governor is going to come tuck him in.

Hey, Gary, any chance you are going to Joy Baptist? Nah, he's probably too cheesy for them. Just once, I would like to hear Jill and Gary singing the same hymn, five octaves apart.

But once would be enough.

Edited November 30, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Four is Enough 35,238]

A facebook friend posted pictures of what churches were doing during the 1918 epidemic. 

The sanctuaries were filled with beds. Yup. They became field hospitals.  Wasn't no worshipin' going on then, Gare-Bear, but the Lord's work was sure happening!

[Jasmar 6,844]

Well, I’ll agree with Gar on one thing: this country deserves a Democrat!

[Black Aliss 42,233]

I sometimes forget how much older I am than GHaw until I realize I've lived a part of history that he is totally ignorant of. (Okay, he's also totally ignorant of lots of things that happened in his lifetime) Like the 1960 presidential campaign, that led to the most-unthinkable-possibility, by fundie standards, of a Roman Catholic president! I remember the steady refrain of "We're all going to have to pray to Mary!", "the pope will be running the country!", "We won't be allowed to worship in our own language!", that JFK was a communist, and even a rumor after the election that JKF had ordered the government to buy up enough log chains and bowling balls to make rosaries for the presidents on Mt. Rushmore.

Yes, to paraphrase Jesus, the stupid we have always had with us.

[Ozlsn 44,574]

23 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Hey, Gary, any chance you are going to Joy Baptist? Nah, he's probably too cheesy for them. Just once, I would like to hear Jill and Gary singing the same hymn, five octaves apart.

But once would be enough.

If he does I hope Jill films it for posterity. 

[thoughtful 108,604]

Gary's on vacation from his hard, hard work of preaching, but not from social media and being a human piece of shit. Besides the offensive and dishonest content, notice that it seems to be missing some of the original content. I checked the post from the guy Gary got it from, and it looked the same.

So, whatever bigot this originally came from, he had more to say, and both of these idiots missed it. Or perhaps the original idiot just didn't know how to use punctuation, which, going by the weird spacing, is a distinct possibility.

Spoiler

The "I was just leaving you alone and minding my own business" attitude is so clearly a lie, but these liars have got themselves convinced of it.

Gary is ready to fight. I wish he'd fight with the parts of his brain that don't want to learn punctuation and grammar (and compassion, and open-mindedness, and Christianity, and logic, and ethics, and  . . . )

Spoiler

Looks like Becky is having a working vacation - she has a Tupperware ad up. Also,

Spoiler

Lots of answers (including several wishing her or Gary a happy birthday - reading comprehension is low among their friends, I guess, which is no surprise).

Nothing from Gary yet - not even an answer to her post. Priorities.

[thoughtful 108,604]

While using ctrl/F to see if Gary ever answered Becky's anniversary post (he hasn't), I noticed something I hadn't thought about before, when it found an instance of Gary's name.

Gary always talks about being on the road since 2012, and how, when he told his wife, she said he was in the wrong prayer closet. He's always made it sound like he and Becky were already married, and they took off on the road, with all seven kids.

She also says today is their anniversary.

But, according to Becky's Facebook page, they were married in  March, 2015:

I certainly wouldn't judge people who got together with someone while still waiting for a divorce to be final - we have some overlaps like that in our family that have led to wonderful marriages and amazing children. But you know Gary would, as would his whole crowd.

Were they living in  what he would call sin from whenever they got together until 2015? If 3/18/2015 is their anniversary, what is today? If not, why did Becky put that in?

Oh, also, Gary got an answer from another genius, under his fighting for our rights post:

Spoiler

 

Edited December 2, 2020 by thoughtful

[Ozlsn 44,574]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The "I was just leaving you alone and minding my own business" attitude is so clearly a lie, but these liars have got themselves convinced of it.

Oh yes,that one did the rounds several times here, particularly after the BLM protests. I mostly refrained from comment (no point with a couple of people) but did respond with "so what you're saying is "I DGAF about your suffering, shut up?"" to one person. Started an argument in the comments as others chimed in, and she eventually deleted it.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary's on vacation from his hard, hard work of preaching

Is that an actual vacation or just that no one wants him so they're taking time off?

Being an American is being an ideologue, really? Well, definitely true of some I suppose.

28 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Were they living in  what he would call sin from whenever they got together until 2015? If 3/18/2015 is their anniversary, what is today? If not, why did Becky put that in?

Anniversary of meeting? Gary's second birthday? Date they grifted a vehicle? Who knows!

[AmazonGrace 84,677]

The March date could just be the date she figured how to change her relationship status on FB.

They celebrated the same day last year

 

Edited December 2, 2020 by AmazonGrace

[forgetmenow 4,006]

On 12/1/2020 at 3:07 PM, thoughtful said:

So, whatever bigot this originally came from, he had more to say, and both of these idiots missed it. Or perhaps the original idiot just didn't know how to use punctuation, which, going by the weird spacing, is a distinct possibility.

  Hide contents

 

When I read the first few words of this screed, I thought that it had to be satire that flew over Gary's head, especially since this Onion article (satire, for anyone unfamiliar) coincidentally popped up on my timeline today:

Spoiler

 

Edited December 3, 2020 by forgetmenow

[Black Aliss 42,233]

Why do homophobes invariably go there? "I have no problem with gays, I just don't want them shoving it down my throat!" Sounds to me like they spend an awful lot of time thinking about something getting shoved down their throat.

[thoughtful 108,604]

23 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

The March date could just be the date she figured how to change her relationship status on FB.

Sounds likely. I have a Facebook account, but never use it, so I don't know what happens when you enter something like that. I assume there is some way to put it on the date you want, and Becky just didn't figure out how to do it.

Gary posted that today is the last day of their vacation, with some pictures from Gatlinburg.

Spoiler

"The Village" makes me think of The Prisoner, of course. Gary would love to yell "I am not a number, I am a free man!"

That is some expression on your face, Gary. And sitting down, the super-long tie looks even more bizarre.

A more casual look, for the gingerbread house:

Spoiler

Caleb:

Spoiler

Someone asks what's up with his arm, Caleb answers "I hurt it." Looking at that shirt, I'd be more likely to ask what happened to his mind, but, sadly, I know the answer.

Gary's son-in-law seems thrilled:

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace 84,677]

Good, Gary needs a vacation from working so hard.

[MayMay1123 22,832]

I don't understand why a tie that long even exists! I see he has it tied weird, but still! It's practically dragging on the ground!

Didn't they say their nephew hurt his arm? Hmmm

[thoughtful 108,604]

30 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

I don't understand why a tie that long even exists! I see he has it tied weird, but still! It's practically dragging on the ground!

Didn't they say their nephew hurt his arm? Hmmm

Long ties exist, for tall and fat men. Even untied, you can see that it's pretty lengthy.

The nephew who rolled his truck got a gash on his forehead, according to Gary's account, no injuries to an arm.

[FunDeeLite 2,566]

Bro Gary and Company, you are such big asses.  I would dearly love to go to Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, but I am avoiding travel, crowds, and other things so that might spread Covid to loved ones and strangers.

[Bluebirdbluebell 8,713]

On 12/1/2020 at 3:07 PM, thoughtful said:

Gary's on vacation from his hard, hard work of preaching, but not from social media and being a human piece of shit. Besides the offensive and dishonest content, notice that it seems to be missing some of the original content. I checked the post from the guy Gary got it from, and it looked the same.

So, whatever bigot this originally came from, he had more to say, and both of these idiots missed it. Or perhaps the original idiot just didn't know how to use punctuation, which, going by the weird spacing, is a distinct possibility.

  Hide contents

The "I was just leaving you alone and minding my own business" attitude is so clearly a lie, but these liars have got themselves convinced of it.

Gary is ready to fight. I wish he'd fight with the parts of his brain that don't want to learn punctuation and grammar (and compassion, and open-mindedness, and Christianity, and logic, and ethics, and  . . .

 

That post from Gary under the spoiler: I've had friends describe religion that way. I wasn't against your religion until you started using your religion to tell me what to do.

On 12/1/2020 at 7:43 PM, thoughtful said:

While using ctrl/F to see if Gary ever answered Becky's anniversary post (he hasn't), I noticed something I hadn't thought about before, when it found an instance of Gary's name.

Gary always talks about being on the road since 2012, and how, when he told his wife, she said he was in the wrong prayer closet. He's always made it sound like he and Becky were already married, and they took off on the road, with all seven kids.

She also says today is their anniversary.

But, according to Becky's Facebook page, they were married in  March, 2015:

I certainly wouldn't judge people who got together with someone while still waiting for a divorce to be final - we have some overlaps like that in our family that have led to wonderful marriages and amazing children. But you know Gary would, as would his whole crowd.

Were they living in  what he would call sin from whenever they got together until 2015? If 3/18/2015 is their anniversary, what is today? If not, why did Becky put that in?

Facebook went through a phase where it had these weird glitches. It would decide the relationship between two people began when they friended/added/announced their relationship on Facebook. For example, these two siblings would add each other as friends and three years later it would say something like you two have known each other for three years. (Meaning the three years you were Facebook friends.) 

I haven't looked at Becky's full profile. Maybe they did get married in 2015. It's also possible that 2015 is when Becky and Gary declared their marital status on Facebook. 

 

Edited December 4, 2020 by Bluebirdbluebell

[EyesOpen 7,567]

Ooh that son in law looks like such a friendly cheerful person 🙄

[Four is Enough 35,238]

20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

"

That TIE! Mr. Four is tall, and generally buys himself ties for tall men. Caution: may be TMI:

He has a foolproof way of tying his tie that works perfectly every time. I don't know if he learned it himself, or if someone taught him, but Gary, learn from this.

After Mr. Four is ready, shirt on, pants on, etc., He puts his tie on, takes the front tip, pulls it down, taps the tip of his penis with it, for the proper length. He then ties it, and when it is finished being tied, the tip is hovering right over the top of his belt. Try it, Gary, instead of having your tie calling attention to places nobody wants to be reminded of.

[thoughtful 108,604]

2 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

He puts his tie on, takes the front tip, pulls it down, taps the tip of his penis with it, for the proper length. He then ties it, and when it is finished being tied, the tip is hovering right over the top of his belt.

What, no instructional video?

 

[Black Aliss 42,233]

8 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

He puts his tie on, takes the front tip, pulls it down, taps the tip of his penis with it, for the proper length. He then ties it, and when it is finished being tied, the tip is hovering right over the top of his belt.

What state is his penis in--erect or flaccid--when he gauges the proper length? Asking for afriend.

[thoughtful 108,604]

58 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

What state is his penis in--erect or flaccid--when he gauges the proper length? Asking for afriend.

Maybe it depehds on the tie - does he have any of those peek-a-boo ones with the pin-up girl inside?

Speaking of men's clothing, Gary has some pants for sale:

Spoiler

And at least one mean friend:
 

Spoiler

 

Also, this is GOD, Will. Will? Will - are you there?

Spoiler

 

[Black Aliss 42,233]

45 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Also, this is GOD, Will. Will? Will - are you there?

  Hide contents

 

God Will Hunting?