Bro Gary Hawkins 16: In BetWeen

[thoughtful]

17 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

Ah! The John Shrader school of fundraising!

As well as many other fundies. I think it's pretty much basic practice to take the "r" out of "pray" when any of them say "pray for what we need."

On to Sunday morning service in snowy New Mexico.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A11-21&version=KJV

Gary substitutes some words, most of which don't change the meaning much, except for this:

KJV: But he that doeth truth cometh to the light,
Bro Gary Version: But he that doeth trust cometh to the light,

Becky, while you were buying a new bible, why didn't you get a large-print edition?

Gary's theme is Real Love.

Among a myriad of things you've heard before, including the tadpoles and reptobate, Gary says you can't love anybody until you know Jesus.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+5%3A8&version=KJV

Part of God's love is correction, of course, and Gary reminds us that his parents would have beaten him for even calling what they did "spanking." "They beat the snot outta me, amen."

In his usual celebration of beating and punishment, Gary never does explain how God chastises him when He takes him behind the woodshed. God's blessings always seem to come in the form of other people helping Gary, but we never do find out how God punishes him.

Oh, except for that one sleepless night when he said something he shouldn't have in a message. I've heard this story many times, and he never says what it was he said, since it's "under the blood." Considering what he thinks is appropriate, I wonder what the hell that could have been.

Nothing else in this one is new or funny.

[LifeIsStrange]

27 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

@LifeIsStrange,  because you mentioned The Far Side, I did a quick search and found out that Gary Larson has an official website. 

https://www.thefarside.com/

Thanks!

See if you can find a Bro Gary look alike!

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He announces "Fizzins chapter 5," then wishes them a happy Valentine's Day.

It's like he's reading Dickens character names.  "And now the book of Chuzzlewit, chapter 2, verses 10-16..."

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

20 minutes ago, LifeIsStrange said:

See if you can find a Bro Gary look alike!

I didn't see any Bro doppelgangers, but this one (from Google image search, not the website) reminded me of Bro Gary's signature food.

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

The video of the Sunday afternoon service at Mount Powell in NM begins with a special - someone strumming a guitar and howling Tell Someone How Precious He Is.

Then Gary comes up, and, in his thank-yous and kidding around, makes it sound like his van broke down when he was on his way there, and the pastor came and got him from where he was stranded. So I guess the NAPA story was recent. I still don't know if he had a flat on his van (those are new tires, IIRC) or the church van.

He thanks the people who were having birthday parties and let him "crash in," and "Brother Shane and his wife for givin' up their house and goin' to live in the woods." He makes stupid jokes about the food.

He asks for testimonies - that's new. He sort of admits it's because he's having trouble finding his place in the bible.  Someone is thankful for church. Someone else tells about her cousin with heart failure who just accepted Jesus. Several others are  grateful to God.

Becky thanks God for letting them be on the road and do what they do, and that God allowed them to encourage a discouraged pastor on the phone. Gary chimes in that the man also teaches in a public school where "ya cain't really mention God's name, 'less you're cussin'."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+2%3A12-25&version=KJV

KJV: After this he went down to Capernaum
Bro Gary Version: After this he went down to Caprius

He also adds stuff, and skips a verse.

He never names his theme, but it sounds like he's working on his "church should be fun" message.

"When ah look on Facebook all ah see is wha - how bad of a job - job Joe Bahden's doin'." Shrieking: "Well how many thought he was gonna do a good job? Ah mean, ya gotta be crazy!"

The word "good" and the first syllable of "crazy" are roughly an octave higher than the already-shrieked rest of this.

Of course, Gary wants them to stop thinking about Biden and focus on God and the church (so, why bring him up, Gary?). Trump was only such a wonderful president because of God. Gary will vote for him again if he runs in 2024, but, God and the church are more important (so why bring Trump up?).

He does the "paceefier" bit, mocking whining church members. This is a shouty, screamy service. Sounds like they're trying to whip themselves into a frenzy (or just keep warm!).

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+2%3A1-4&version=KJV

All the st endings become th endings, of course. I wonder why he has that habit.

He has such a lovely description of how enthused people are when they first get saved. He says "the preacher coulda got you to stick your head in a commode amen?"

Spoiler

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+5%3A18-21&version=KJV

KJV:  And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;
BGV:  And be not drunk with wahn, wherein in excees; but be filled with the Spirit of God and there is a difference amen?

In his usual rant about the old songs being better, he yells "What's wrong with Amazing Grace? What's wrong with Nothing But the Blood? What's wrong with - - - -" he totally freezes - he has no third title. After several "uh uh"s, he just says "whatever it is."

But he regains his momentum, and full frenzy is achieved quickly, with everyone roaring and screaming about singing.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+2%3A4-5&version=KJV

With errors, of course, despite its brevity.

More screaming - I don't know how many people are there, but I swear they are just as loud as the group at the camp meeting.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+29%3A18&version=KJV

Gary was talking to Brother somebody (sounds like Cheetus when he says it) about not being able to go doorknocking due to the "pandamic." "he said over there, at that reservation, if you go over there, people'll be screamin' at you and sayin' 'Get away from me, ah don't want nothin' to do with all this,' but he said, 'But not only that, the police'll pick you up 'n' take ya home, 'n' you gotta kor'nteen for three weeks."

Gary, there's some unpleasant history involving white men bringing viruses. Those people don't need your godbothering and Corona.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+2%3A12-14&version=KJV

Lots of errors, of course.

"We still need to have convictions in 2013."

Ooops, Gary - I think you lost a few years there.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A13-16&version=KJV

Extreme ranting and screaming mode ensues - again.

Gary claims that Goliath fell forward when David's stone hit him in the forehead, because God was in back of him and "said BAH!" He shoves forward, and they all go wild.

Gary says God just wanted David to have the credit.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jude+1%3A21-22&version=KJV

The story about the preacher who came to him at the end of the Texas camp meeting to say "promise you won't quit" has now been expanded to include the mental image of the man weeping openly and screaming it, and adding that things would not be easy.

Let me remind you that Gary was on kitchen duty that week. I guess there must have been people that knew he is also an evangelist, but this story seemed bogus even when it was told calmly. The idea that it was this passionate moment between preachers is even more unbelievable.

Unless, of course, it was brown jacket, chair-standing guy. I can see him approaching the head cook's husband to weep and wail about his not quitting.

Maybe he liked the way Gary sliced carrots.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians+1%3A9-10&version=KJV

KJV: or do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.
BGV: for I do not persuade - for I do now persuade men or. God or do I seek to. Please men or if or if yet I please men, I should not be. The servant of Christ.

More screaming. You better make sure you're saved, because the rich man . . . oh, never mind - you all know it by heart.

Edited February 16, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Jethere Fuqua commented on one of yesterday's videos, telling Gary he sounded good and looked skinny.

So, I moseyed over to his Facebook page to see what he'd posted lately. Jethere, I think you need to write out Proverbs, or at least add the v:

Spoiler

His own love life is not so happy:

Spoiler

Now, before you get too sympathetic to him . . .

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

Here's what he posted on their anniversary:

Spoiler

If I remember correctly, this separation was because his wife wouldn't support his going on the road to play Gospel music.

Unlike Gary, it does seem that he is willing to work at least part time:

Spoiler

But I'm not sure if he has the right attitude for that work:

Spoiler

Hey, Jethere - hope you are willing to get tested and wear a mask.

[Black Aliss]

I ran "the issue is one that couseling[sic] would never resolve" through google translate Fundese to English and it came back "I'm not changing my mind no matter what"

Mrs. Fuqua is well rid of him.

[thoughtful]

I checked in on the Bryants (missionaries to Uganda!). He posted this picture with no comment - I think it's a joke, not the vehicle he bought!

Spoiler

From the comments:

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

I wish all of Daniel Bryant's posts were so benign, but no. He also posts some nasty crap.

Spoiler

After he got fact-checked for the fake meme about Biden messing up the "teach a man to fish" quote, he posted this. Some language for a "man of God," eh?

Spoiler

Also, this bit of shit:

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10222474759870676&set=a.2000109955297

I pity the people of Uganda he is going to godbother.

[forgetmenow]

I'm taking so much joy in the fact that Gary's carefully planned snowbird winter has fully backfired on him. Enjoy the snowstorm, Gary!

[Black Aliss]

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I wish all of Daniel Bryant's posts were so benign, but no. He also posts some nasty crap.

  Hide contents

After he got fact-checked for the fake meme about Biden messing up the "teach a man to fish" quote, he posted this. Some language for a "man of God," eh?

  Hide contents

Also, this bit of shit:

https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=10222474759870676&set=a.2000109955297

I pity the people of Uganda he is going to godbother.

Christ, what an asshole.

As an aside, I am loving how these RomScammers are successfully getting added as friends on fundie FB pages. Jill seems to have picked up a lot of them.

Hint: Daniel Bryant's latest friend request is an exception in several ways, but most of the RomScams I see are from someone with two first names, one as a surname, and their profile photo turns up as one that a number of people or bots are using. 

[GlitterJam]

15 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Mrs. Fuqua is well rid of him.

I hope she didn't take his last name.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, GlitterJam said:

I hope she didn't take his last name.

The first U is long, I'm happy to say.

But, if any of the kids call her Mother Fuqua, it could get dicey.

[thoughtful]

Becky posted a video from yesterday that did not involve the Hawkins family preaching or performing (yeah, I used that word, Gary - deal with it) at all. It is at Heritage Baptist Church in Groton NY.

Out of curiosity, I watched some. As the video starts, the speaker is talking about his new book on Israel: "This thing took over 18,000 hours, according to a time study done by my son, who's a detective at the _______ (?) county sherrif's department."

"900 pages, 200 photographs of maps."

When visiting him in prison, this guy got permission from David Berkowitz to print his testimony in the back of the book. "He's a Jew that got saved, that's why I put that in there. Matter of fact, I just preached down in Pace Florida, for Marvelous Grace Girls' Home, and they get money from David Berkowitz from prison, to support that girls' home. You'd think CNN would want to print a story about a convicted serial killer - Jewish serial killer - with over three centuries for a sentence, sending money to a Baptist girls' home."

He holds up the book to show a picture. "There he is sittin' there with his King James Bible, he really loves the Lord, I'll tell ya. 

But he's planning to speak on Israel, and that book, in his next talk. Tonight (after reminiscing about how he knows the pastor from their days at Hyles Anderson College), he says he's going to cover "something that is absolutely mind-blowing." "You're going to get your mind blown."

OK, I need to listen to the rest of this. Someone prays, and mentions the speaker's last name when praying for him, and I figure out that he is William Grady. A search showed up a few mentions of him on FJ, many years ago, referring to his book The Final Authority.

Tonight he's going to talk about America, and he assures them they are not crazy for feeling the way they do. I guess he's pretty sure of how they feel.

A couple comes in late through a side door that puts them between him and the congregation. While reassuring them that it's OK to walk in front of him and find a seat, he recognizes the husband, a fellow preacher, and tells everyone that this couple's anniversary is June 6th, D-Day, and that his father was with the troops that landed on D-Day.

Another preacher who talks like a post from Zsu's fan Taryn.

He reads from Proverbs:
When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn.

Then he rambles about the Rapture for a while, and says "By the way, if you want to know whether it's a pandemic or a plandemic, look at the 20 signs Paul gives - sign 15 says ____ (it sounds like "tray-zrrs." I can't tell if he's saying treasures, traitors, or something else, and  could not find any list of 20 signs of the end times from the apostle Paul - maybe someone more knowledgeable about Paul's writings can help me out)."

He doesn't elaborate, so I have no idea what he's driving at.

His second reading is 2 Chronicles, 20:12:

O our God, wilt thou not judge them? for we have no might against this great company that cometh against us; neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon thee.

Read with lots of self-interruptions and repetitions to comment on how that's just like what they are going through now.

He says the worst is yet to come, and describes what he says is a MAD Magazine cartoon (I doubt it) of a shot-up B-52 with the pilot saying to the co-pilot "You think this is bad, wait 'til we get out of the hangar."

He tells us America's birth announcement is in Genesis 9:27, first four words:

God shall enlarge Japheth

He says that Japheth's first son was named Gomer, and goes on: "You know what Gomer said when he heard Rock Hudson had AIDS? Shazzam!"

That's a television reference, for anyone who was so disgusted by the homophobia and mockery of a man who died of a horrible disease that the name didn't register. Gomer was Jim Nabors' character in The Andy Griffith Show and Gomer Pyle, USMC, and "Shazzam!" was a thing he said when surprised.

Besides being cruel and horribly outdated, I couldn't figure out why anyone would even consider this a joke. Why bring up Rock Hudson? Google helped - apparently there was a rumor Hudson and Nabors were married, in 1971. I missed that one.

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/jim-nabors-rock-hudson-marriage/

Now, at this point, you probably think I'm messing with you all, making up a parody preacher. But no, this is really in the video. I'll put the link at the bottom of the post.

Anyway, he says that according to the Scofield notes, Japheth fathered the Celtic people, so England, Ireland, Scotland.

Someone comments:

He says this is all documented, and holds up one of his books, then says "You wanna get a book to shake up some lost people who are talkin' to themselves tonight. I feel sorry for those Trump people - Trump supporters aren't saved. They're ready to jump off a bridge."

He shows them a picture inside the book, of himself with "Sam Cohen, father of the neutron bomb - that's me and him in the back yard."

"Y'know, ya got four Jews - the four horsemen of the Nuclear age, they call 'em." He rattles off something about Cohen, Einstein, Oppenheimer, and Teller, then tells us how a neutron bomb can kill 1000 Isis members without breaking a window.

He reads a quote from Cohen (who was quoting someone else!), in his 2005 book, which he says is about whether this is a pandemic or a plandemic, about how the US is not ready for biological or chemical warfare.

And that's it. I guess the implication is that Covid-19 is germ warfare of some sort. Two tries, and I'm still not sure which side of the plandemic vs. pandemic argument he is on.

And, with no warning, he is back to Japheth. He has quotes in his book "from the Encyclopedia Britannica in the 1950s, where secular public school kids were being taught" about how Ham, Shem and Japhath scattered after the tower of Babel.

"There's never been any question about it. Ham went to Africa - the name Ham means dark or burnt."

Wrong.

"Man, that was taught in public schools - now it's racism."

Um, dude - just because something is referenced in the EB, it doesn't mean secular public school kids were taught it as real history, or that it is real history.

While explaining why he is too old to be bothered being "politically correct," he tells us that his mother's parents were from Finland, his dad's grandfather was born in Ireland, his father's mother was from "the Ukraine," and "she spent 35 years in a mental institution in Binghamton, I never saw her but one day."

So he claims he tells people he's 50% Finnish, 25% Irish, and 25% Communist. They think this is a riot.

Then he wanders off into asking someone there named Jack to join him in reminiscing about a trip they took to Eastern Europe, the McDonalds in Moscow, swimming in the Volga river, accordions, a guy with a gold tooth, and waitresses (he says stewardesses, then corrects himself) at a restaurant he says was run by the Russian mafia.

A man at that restaurant asked what they do for a living, and when they said they were preachers, he said (Grady's fake Russian accent sounds like a really racist, bad Asian accent), "Oh, I have Bill Gothard eagle story book."

They all laugh heartily.

And . . . back to Japheth. "You just read a hate crime in verse 27. A hate statement - it says God was gonna do something with Japheth and his descendants that he wasn't gonna do with Shem or Ham. He's gonna enlarge it. See, that's a hate, because He didn't do it for all of them. Tell God about it when you see him, on the great white throne of judgment. If you've got a problem with God, you're probably lost."

"Let me take you to Yale University, in 1783. Here's the second president of Yale, Dr. Ezra Stiles, a saved man." It's just a statement backing up the whole idea that Japheth's descendants are the white Europeans, and they are supposed to run everything.  I found it online - the bold is what Grady quotes and inserts, going on smoothly as if there is nothing else there:

Quote

Heaven has provided this country, not indeed derelict, but only partially settled, and consequently open for the reception of a new enlargement of Japheth.  Europe was settled by Japheth; America is settling from Europe: and perhaps this second enlargement bids fair to surpass the first; for we are to consider all the European settlements of America collectively as springing from and transfused with the blood of Japheth.  Already for ages has Europe arrived to a plenary, if not declining, population of one hundred millions; in two or three hundred years this second enlargement may cover America with (here he inserts the phrase 300 million, since he didn't quote the previous part, and comments on how prophetic that was) three times that number, if the present ratio of increase continues with the enterprising spirit of Americans for colonization and removing out into the wilderness and settling new countries, [....]  There may now be three or four millions of whites, or Europeans, in North and South America, of which one-half are in rapid increase, and the rest scarcely keeping their number good without supplies from the parent states.  The number of French, Spaniards, Dutch, and Portuguese may be one million souls in all America, although they have transfused their blood into twice that number of Indians.  The United States may be two (he adds the word hundred) million souls, whites, which have been an increase upon perhaps fewer than twenty or thirty thousand families from Europe.   Can we contemplate their present, and anticipate their future increase, and not be struck with astonishment to find ourselves in the midst of the fulfillment of the prophecy of Noah? 

He scornfully says this was once understood by saved people, and now we're in a "dense time period, where nobody know anything about history," and finishes with one more quote:

Quote

May we not see that we are the object which the Holy Ghost had in view four thousand years ago, when He inspired the venerable patriarch with the visions respecting his posterity?

Then he jumps ahead to 1950s Yale, and a quote from Paul Kennedy. After some snippy crap about how long the bibliography was for the book being quoted, and saying Kennedy wouldn't have known the Bible if he saw it, he reads a quote about Europeans' increasing control over the world from the early 19th to the early 20th century.

So, of course, this mean the King James Bible is true. Even an unsaved intellectual with too much in his bibliography could see it.

He quotes another, as he puts it "egghead," Samuel P. Huntington, from Harvard this time. "He list 13 categories in which white nations - white-led nations, have no peers, no second competition - no second place competition."

And he reads a list of things white people took over in one way or another - again, not anything remotely connected to that control being either inevitable or good, but he clearly sees it that way.

He attempts another bon mot. Citing the title of the movie "White Men Can't Jump," he said he wrote in one of his books "White men can't jump, but they can build computers," and goes on "You're not nervous, are you? This is up North. Yankees are Pharisees when it comes to race. Dr. Ruckman said, years ago, 'Southerners have confidence in Black folks, if they deserve it, but no confidence in the Black race as a whole collectively. Yankees are the exact opposite - they profess confidence in the Black race as equal with any other race, but they have no acceptance of any individual Black.' Just watch Archie Bunker one episode, and you'll see."

And I can't believe I am only halfway through this, as Gary would say, mess.

I have to break it up. I shall return to watch and recap the rest.

I may need a shower or two first.

https://www.facebook.com/163658627028893/videos/477576413621097

Edited February 17, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle, clarity

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

@thoughtful, Oh. My. Rufus!  I don't think I can come up with words to describe how absolutely vile this William Grady sounds. Thank you for letting us know about him. 

[thoughtful]

4 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

@thoughtful, Oh. My. Rufus!  I don't think I can come up with words to describe how absolutely vile this William Grady sounds. Thank you for letting us know about him. 

He really is a skinful of shit, isn't he?

Becky posted this video with no comment. It has gotten two upvotes and no comments on her Facebook page.

Besides the scorn for Scofield, the only other comments on the original post, from the church's site, were 29 comments from the same person, mostly saying something like this:

Prakasarao, dude, the guy on the video thinks you're a lesser being because you're not white - run away!

[Xan]

Then he rambles about the Rapture for a while, and says "By the way, if you want to know whether it's a pandemic or a plandemic, look at the 20 signs Paul gives - sign 15 says ____ (it sounds like "tray-zrrs." I can't tell if he's saying treasures, traitors, or something else, and  could not find any list of 20 signs of the end times from the apostle Paul - maybe someone more knowledgeable about Paul's writings can help me out)."

I looked around too, @thoughtful, but didn't find anything from the apostle Paul.   If he didn't say "apostle", possibly he means that book by Paul McGuire (and Troy Anderson) about the "Babylon Code".  From the reviews, it looks like the same sort of hogwash that this guy is peddling.  "A prophetic code of end times" sourced from the Bible. 

It's shit like this that makes me want to believe that St. Peter is actually waiting for these people at the pearly gates and that he kicks them out.  Nothing says fake Christian like claiming that white supremacy is in the Bible.

[GlitterJam]

On 2/17/2021 at 4:43 AM, thoughtful said:

"... the name Ham means dark or burnt."

Hey, I think we've found out where Jill Rodrigues learned to cook!

[thoughtful]

OK, I'm not eating, I'm feeling strong . . . I'm going to listen to the rest of Pastor Racist Who's Been in a Cave for 50 Years' book commercial - er, message.

I'm imagining you all chanting "thoughtful, thoughful . . . " like the crowd in Rudy.

I can do this.

It's only about another 30 minutes.

Here we go.

"When you get into the Last Days, politically correct preachers that are nervous about losing people from their church will shy away from these issues, 'cause the Bible said they were gonna do it."

He seems to think that not believing exactly as he does is the "not enduring sound doctrine" predicted in the Bible.

"If you think all of the races are equal, you got mental problems, and I know 90% don't think that way."

He starts reminiscing about the time he and another guy used to preach at a steel mill. "You talk about some wild race issues over there, man."

It sounds like they were on a work-study program from Hyles-Anderson, working in the steel mill on the midnight shift, with permission to have a service during their lunch hour. He says there were about 50-60 students, and they took turns practicing being song leaders and preachers. One weekend the two of them were working overtime, and nobody else showed up at the lunchroom. So, they practiced being song leader, then preacher, each with only the other guy as their flock.

"And there were three Black dudes down at the end of the lunchroom, they were grinding a lock off of the concession machine - what'd they call that? We called them the Iron Maidens."

He imitates the "Black dudes" filing away, mentioning that one had a cigarette behind his ear and one in his mouth, "and they're lookin' at the two of us screamin' at one another."

Spoiler

So . . .  three guys breaking in to a vending machine is "race issues."

And they came in and did it despite the bigoted white dudes from the preacher college, very likely to tattle, being right there? Doesn't sound likely to me - how does he know they weren't doing it on orders of the boss, or a vendor who had lost the key and needed to refill the machine and put on a whole new lock?

"If you think all the races are the same, you'd have to be on drugs."

"When's the last time you ever went into a pawn shop, and it was owned by a Black dude, and there was a Jew there pawning some of his junk to the Black dude in his pawnshop?"

"God gave the Jew the ability to make money that He gave to no other person in the world." Then he makes a crack about ladies knowing that's why it's "first three letters in 'jewelry.'"

This gets a big laugh.

He tells a - well, he calls it a joke - about a Jew who comes into a village. The mayor tells him they don't allow Jews in their village, and the Jew says (crappy accent, of course), "Dat's vy it's still a village."

I'm sure he thinks these are very friendly, ecumenical statements.

God only increased Japheth so the gospel could be spread. "When's the last time an Asian missionary ever gave you a gospel tract? Or somebody from Africa ever gave you a gospel witness?"

No, he says - the gospel went from Britain to America, and then on to the rest of the world.

He reminisces about getting saved, in August, 1974, while working for British Airways. He makes a reference to the song Back in the USSR, and takes a toke from an imaginary joint. It's weird, but not quite as random as it sounds - the first line of the song mentions BOAC, which was merged with another company to make British Airways shortly before he got the job.

He says they had more routes than other airlines, which was a carryover from the well-known saying (he starts it and has them finish it) "The sun never sets on the British Empire."

Again, he cites this as proof that the KJV is right - God wanted the descendants of Japheth to get the gospel out.

He rattles off the names of some ancient civilizations that are now gone "they're all Shemites, you know what I mean."

He attempts another joke, which is stupid, but lets me know where he found Paul's 20 signs. He says the first of the 20 signs is that (and here he holds up a smartphone as if taking his own picture) "men will become lovers of their own selfies."

That helped me figure out that the list (and #15 is "traitors," so that mystery is solved) is here:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+3%3A1-6&version=KJV

He also says not to get impressed with these things (shaking the phone), because Moses was downloading data from a cloud on his tablet a long time before this.

Well, at least two of his jokes have moved on from 1971.

He reads

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=daniel+8%3A5-8&version=KJV

He says the "buzz-words" "west" and "great" tell you the goat is Alexander the Great. The one horn becoming four horns is his empire being divided between four generals (he mentions in passing that Alexander had no son, and it is generally agreed that he was homosexual. What, you're passing up an opportunity to condemn that, dude? I guess he doesn't want to be distracted from the main theme of "White People Good").

He goes on to claim that Daniel's interpretation of Nebuchadnezzar's dream is more proof. The various body parts are areas of the world, and the firm iron legs are Europe.

"Once Alexander the Great knocks those Persians out, Japheth, our ancestors, never looked back again. They're always gonna be the enlarged race, from that moment. God did that, it's got nothin' to do with race! Whatever you do, don't get so strung about that. Some of our guys need to watch Archie Bunker, and uh, and uh, and uh, Sanford and Son, a couple o' reruns, y'know? Sanford and Son talked about mixing Ripple with cripple, I mean, Ripple with ____ (? sounds like "sickem" - the joke from the show was mixing Ripple with cream, BTW - I looked it up) and gettin' Cripple."

It has nothing to do with race, except for when it's about race. Got it.

Grady, have you actually watched All in the Family? Bunker isn't exactly a role model, and definitely not a good choice if you're arguing for the special role of white people. Not to mention that both the Bunkers and the Sanfords were fictional, and comedic characters, to boot.

Oh, and Sandford and Son was based on Steptoe and Son, a comedy about two characters who were hardly bastions of the British empire:

Spoiler

But I digress.

He complains, because he knows he's in friendly company, about all of the "politically correct" nonsense he has to deal with.

He takes out his keys and holds up one key. He says he bets they don't have anything like it. There is a point to the key, but we have to wait for it.

We have to wait for it for a long time.

He says he preaches for a Black preacher in West Memphis Arkansas, who he goes on to describe as really big, a former gang-banger, who will pull up his shirt and show you the scars of his bullet holes and stab wounds if he knows you well enough, and who "thinks I walk on water."

He says this "wild" Black church supports him, and goes on to tell us he's got seven churches that support him, even though (say it with me, everyone) "I never ask for support."

One visit, when the pastor wanted to put him up at a hotel, he asked if he could stay at a church member's house instead - Brother Dudley. He reminds us there's "not a white person in the church," for no reason I can see, other than making sure they know he's so open-minded that he's willing to stay in a house with non-whites rather than in a nice hotel.

He says he'd led Dudley's daughter to Christ, and that Dudley had given him a good love offering the first time he'd been there, and a 12-gauge shotgun. "Honest to God - that's how I got out of the neighborhood! I got the barrel cut down 18 inches right before the election."

And he crosses himself. I notice he does it left-handed; intending to be more offensive or less to Catholics? I'd bet on more, myself, or just making sure his fellow Baptists know it's a joke, and not him believing in that Papist stuff, despite being raised a Catholic.

He mumbles, Taryn-like, about meeting "Terry Weaver" (wrong first name), of Ruby Ridge, at a gun show, mumble mumble they messed him up with that barrel thing.

Back to the story about the plan to stay at Dudley's. Before the visit, he got a text - Brother Dudley asking what his favorite color is.

I brace myself for the obvious joke, and sure enough: "I dunno - beside white?"

He crosses himself again, tells them to laugh, and does the sho-biz hand gesture to go with it, wiggling his fingers towards himself:

Spoiler

He reminds them this is about the key, and says he told Brother Dudley his favorite color was blue.

Dudley asked about his favorite soap - Irish Spring. Then immediately, and for no apparent reason:

"You know what's a good Italian four-letter word for goodbye? Have you ever heard that joke?  Bang."

When he got to Brother Dudley's there were blue towels and washcloths, and "lots of Irish Spring."

They "awwwwww."

And when it came time to leave, Brother Dudley insisted that Grady take the key to the house, in case he ever needed a place to stay. Grady says he asked him "where do you keep your valuables?"

During their laughter, he says, "You know how I got that Black man's key, Jack, 'cause I'm a racist. Don't get sucked into that perverted garbage, brother. "

"Do you think God loves white people more than Asians or Blacks? Are you crazy? But God had a reason for it."

He goes on to mock critical race theory, saying that it's in the schools, and corporate America is "jammin' that crap down your throat when they're not makin' you take yoga classes."

"The Lord worked it out so that He couldn't get to the cross without a Black man."

"And then the first Gentile ever to get saved is a Black man."

He says he recently brought two girls from that girls' home in Florida to Jesus, and one of them was from Ethiopia. "She goes back to the Ethiopian eunuch. And right between them was Haile Selassie, remember him?"

He makes it sound like a man who died in 1975 and an ancient guy with no balls were her father and grandfather.

But he's gotten in his versions of  the "I can't be a racist, some of my best friends. . . " thing.

He says the idea of enlarging, bigger is better, is in American DNA, but preachers get "bummed out" and shouldn't be judged by how big their church is. He points to a man (who may be the pastor of this church, I'm not sure) and says something about his being in a wheelchair, and how it shouldn't have anything to do with the size of his church (even when he tries to be inclusive, he's so insulting).

"How do you break up an Italian wedding? Somebody yells 'the cement's here.'"

Then he explains that clever wit, making sure they know it's a "double entendre," (no  it isn't), because Italian families often run construction businesses in big cities, but also . . . wink, wink.

He mentions that he has a picture of Rodney Dangerfield's tombstone in his Israel book (Dangerfield is buried in California, and was an atheist, so, other than being born Jewish, I don't know how his tombstone fits in to Grady's book about Israel).

Spoiler

"We're Japhethites, but we work for a Shemite."

"How many of you know Jesus wasn't a Polack, and I'm saying that with all the reverence I can come up with. He was a Jew. He wasn't from Europe, he was from Shem. You wanna know what God's like, just go back and watch one rerun of Kung Fu - 'grasshoppuh.'"

He reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=acts+16%3A6&version=KJV

Then "draws" an invisible map in the air to make some point about the Holy Ghost stopping the gospel going into Asia, so it would go to Greece and on to Europe.

And he tells us Japheth means beautiful. That's a stretch - the Hebrew word  pronounced "yahfeh" means good-looking, and I guess Yaphet (as in Kotto!) could be a name based on that root.

Not to mention that, if you are a KJV person, shouldn't you not care what the Hebrew means?

Back to the Holy Spirit keeping them out of Asia:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=acts+16%3A7&version=KJV

"Twice the Holy Spirit has to stop them; 'I don't want any more Asians!' Y'know, the first job I ever had in my whole life, first job that I had, was in a Chinese hand laundry." He crosses himself, left-handed, again. "No tickey, no shirty. I was eight years old, worked all day in this crazy place, on 78th Street, in Manhattan, circa 1960. I even tried to impress my Chinese boss, I learned how to use that adding machine" (he makes sliding motions side to side with his hands), "that aBRAcus - I could never  pronounce that stupid - what is that word?"

He says he worked all day, for one day, and was so excited to get paid. "But the dumb _____ (? sounds like "arr" - was the laundry owner a pirate?) gave me a roll of Lifesavers."

So he quit.

But of course he forgives the laundry owner now.

"How many of you know why Italians wear gold chains? They gotta know where to stop shaving."

He reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=acts+16%3A8-11&version=KJV

Well, sort of - he interrupts himself to ask someone when they were in Flint Michigan and how he had a church there.

"I hope you're married to a good woman. I married muchly - as the Black preacher says" (he goes into a deep voice) "Ah married muchly up."

And he tells us how he left his nine-acre home in Tennessee, and took his wife with him to "nasty Flint Michigan", and called the church Macedonia Baptist Church.

Oh, so it had something to do with the reading. He finishes reading it.

He tells them that, a few verses later, the first European gets saved: "ladies  - a businesswoman."

"I was over in Poland, for my second trip to that Auschwitz death camp, workin' on that book on Israel, and I hired a Polish guide, a lady, and her name was Lydia. And I had a burden for her, and after paying a big fee to have a private guide, when I was over, I did what very few Baptists do - I gave her a tip - a big tip - 50 bucks - she liked that - 'cause I was gonna witness to her. I said 'Lydia, did you know that the first European that ever became a Christian was named after you?' (he imitates Lydia's astonished look) "'Ooooh, Pastuh, tell me more!'" His Polish accent, like his Russian one, sounds like racist Asian mockery.

The goal of getting the gospel to Europe, to their ancestors, was to get to England and (he points to a KJV Bible) "get that book."

He asks if anybody knows what time it is, and says they couldn't know what time it is unless they went to England, because time is set there - Greenwich Mean Time.

He asks again if anybody knows what time it is, and says "I remember seeing Chicago at the Spectrum, 1971, for real. Flashbacks, voices, I mean, look, some of us didn't come up in Sunday school, OK?"

"You wouldn't even know where you are without England - longitude and latitude is set in England."

"You don't even know what the temperature is without BTUs. They don't stand for Polack Thermal Units. British Thermal Units, right? You wanna know what Bible to go to - find one that would come out of England."

The camera gets bumped and tilts. "That's the devil. You understand that? This is my nugget I'm waitin' three days to tell ya, and the stinking dirty devil, piece o' garbage."

So, here comes the mind-blowing nugget.

Be prepared.

He asks someone to remind them of the verse that says when the gospel first reached Europe. My mind is mostly blown that anybody can remember what he read, and that all of this shit has a point! 

Anyway, someone answers. The verse was Acts . . .

Spoiler

 

16:11

Get it - 1611!

Sorry, Grady - my mind was so blown by your racism, stupid jokes, and your being what my Shemite (and yet somehow still European) great-grandmother would have called a "draykopf" - a scatterbrain - that I have no mind-blows to give.

There was a second session that same night, after a short break.

I don't think I have the strength.

Edited February 19, 2021 by thoughtful
I misspelled Nebuchadnezzar. Such an easy word, too!

[AmazonGrace]

Why is it always the dumbest mofos who think they have superior genes?

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I could actually feel my eyes getting wide when I read each new awful thing that Pastor Racist Who's Been in a Cave for 50 Years said. Then I'd notice that my jaw was actually hanging open in amazement. If anyone needed a reminder that Bro Gary isn't just a goofball who can't spell or pronounce words of more than 2 syllables, that he supports people with really shitty ideas, well here's a reminder. 

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

There was a second session that same night, after a short break.

I don't think I have the strength.

Thank you for enduring what you have.

[Xan]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

OK, I'm not eating, I'm feeling strong . . . I'm going to listen to the rest of Pastor Racist Who's Been in a Cave for 50 Years' book commercial - er, message.

I'm imagining you all chanting "thoughtful, thoughful . . . " like the crowd in Rudy.

Holy shit.  That was a lot of really offensive stuff and it was said in a church.  Mind:  blown.

We're now all chanting "thoughtful, thoughtful..."  and we're carrying you out on our shoulders.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I could actually feel my eyes getting wide when I read each new awful thing that Pastor Racist Who's Been in a Cave for 50 Years said. Then I'd notice that my jaw was actually hanging open in amazement.

I'm the one who is always saying I rarely use the WTF reaction, because so little surprises me. But even I was having a mix of my usual eyerolling "yeah, you would say that" and "wait, what? WHY?" reactions. Not just because it was offensive, but because some of it was so off the mark of his supposed point.

I think a lot of it, especially the Italian jokes, were just him enjoying getting laughs. He kept repeating that he doesn't tell some of his jokes down South because they wouldn't get the references.

All of the offense aside (man, it's hard to put it aside - wait, let me give it a good hard shove - there ? ), his technique stinks. He thinks he's a brilliant speaker, with the audience in the palm of his hand. But his only way to read the room seems to be "will this crowd laugh at this and feed my ego?" rather than "is this joke relevant?" That leads to cheap-shot jokes, and distraction from the point of your talk - it breaks the flow.

I understand the urge to be funny at all costs very well, and, of course, words triggering song cues. And, in casual conversation (but never a planned speech), I can go off on tangents. But I'm happy to say that those are the only things I have in common with this self-important bigot, and I know that random jokes and references are bad practice in both public speaking and comedy.

Unlike some of the people we discuss who seem to be desperate, grasping at something to make them feel special, or sometimes show some vulnerability, this guy was all confidence and swagger. There was not the tiniest crack in his arrogant stance and the way he presented it.

He clearly relished the first moments he made them uncomfortable by saying the quiet part out loud, then pushing them hard to accept that it's OK to do so, and "perverted" to feel otherwise.

He also has a faux-intellectual facade, which he tries to mix with his Regular Guy (Northeastern Version) image. He mocks "eggheads," and he is certainly not what any of us would define as intellectual, but he wrote some really long books, can rattle off Scripture and stuff about geography and history, quotes people, and sounds sure of himself.

To some of them, that makes him a genius, I'm sure.

2 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

If anyone needed a reminder that Bro Gary isn't just a goofball who can't spell or pronounce words of more than 2 syllables, that he supports people with really shitty ideas, well here's a reminder. 

I agree. It's also a reminder of Becky's underlying feelings - she's the one who posted it on Facebook. She may be more willing to work hard than Gary, but, other than that, they are rotten peas in a disgusting pod.

2 hours ago, Xan said:

Holy shit.  That was a lot of really offensive stuff and it was said in a church.  Mind:  blown.

Yeah - he blew our minds, but not in the way he wanted to.

2 hours ago, Xan said:

We're now all chanting "thoughtful, thoughtful..."  and we're carrying you out on our shoulders.

Thanks. Be careful of your backs.

Edited February 19, 2021 by thoughtful
clarity

[postscript]

This guy is really an equal-opportunity bigot, isn’t he? I kept scrolling through the summary, wondering which group was up next. He didn’t miss many.  It’s like reading the transcript of a Rat Pack-era nightclub act, plus Jesus. 

[Threff]

Dear heavens, @Thoughtful, I am so horrified by that. I’m trying to come up with a response that comforts me that the UK is not there in that tidal wave of ignorance and bigotry yet. But I’m an immigrant atheist who voted against Brexit and is desperate for the COVID vaccine.  I feel the waves of hate and prejudice and ignorance from social media, and I see them affecting friends I once knew as rational people. Horrifying.