M is for Mama 9: Mom of Ten, Dislikes Them All

[JermajestyDuggar]

That’s a twin baby diaper. And yes, it looks pretty full. I don’t think she cloth diapers so that can’t be the excuse for a big diaper. 

[SassyPants]

Well, we know she doesn’t wash her own hair very often, and one time even mentioned that she combed it with a fork she found on the floor of her rental van. And wasn’t that when she was on her way to a family wedding? Now we know she leaves her newborns in dirty clothing. Obviously personal hygiene (or basic cleanliness) is not a priority. I knew she wasn’t concerned about much beyond herself and date night, but damn, she really does have low standards.

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Well, we know she doesn’t wash her own hair very often, and one time even mentioned that she combed it with a fork she found on the floor of her rental van. And wasn’t that when she was on her way to a family wedding? Now we know she leaves her newborns in dirty clothing. Obviously personal hygiene (or basic cleanliness) is not a priority. I knew she wasn’t concerned about much beyond herself and date night, but damn, she really does have low standards.

If she had only three kids, I guarantee her hygiene standards would not be that low. Her standards get Lower and lower with each birth.

Edited November 16, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[JMO]

I'm surprised that her kids don't endlessly have diaper rashes, unless she decided not to care about that either. 

[SassyPants]

1 minute ago, JMO said:

I'm surprised that her kids don't endlessly have diaper rashes, unless she decided not to care about that either. 

They probably do. And we know if she isn’t changing their clothes, she isn’t taking the time to bathe them either. Or does she bathe and put dirty clothes back on? 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Babies don’t need bathed a ton if you wipe them down with wet wipes. Hopefully she gives them a wipe down each day. 

[Zommom]

She is so ridiculous. For someone so spoiled, entitled, and selfish she actually speaks on dying to herself. You have to actually be humble, Abbie. And have your rights and wants and needs not granted. You have to have a hardship that money or the help of others can’t  substitute. You actually have to need and want a savior to lay down your desires for. Other than your own idols.  You aren’t qualified to teach this Abbie because you don’t understand the gospel, at all. 

Her Instagram photo gives off a real spooky vibe.

[SassyPants]

6 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Babies don’t need bathed a ton if you wipe them down with wet wipes. Hopefully she gives them a wipe down each day. 

I’ll disagree here. All those folds need to be cleaned or you get breakdown. I hope she uses wipes or does clean them well with each diaper change. You would be surprised at the number of people who don’t clean after a urine only diaper. Urine is just as caustic as stool. I knew her care was shoddy, but this is a new low.

[Zommom]

She has to write down what she’s accomplished during the day? This is sad. She probably needs to see the things she does so she can justify being good enough. I think she created the Monday Cleaning list day to get a huge jolt of endorphins for feeling accomplished and also for all the at-a-boys she gets from her followers. As a stay at home mom, I do all that stuff on the regular. I don’t tell people what I do. I know I am loving my family and they are happy and taken care of and that’s enough. But, the lists? After I’ve done a thing? No. I make to-do lists because my brain is dumb, though. 

[DancingPhalanges]

I’m not sure if anyone posted Abbie’s Erin Bates Insta story, I know not everyone can see them. 
 

Spoiler

Also didn’t see this discussed. Abbie talking about the new babies having tongue ties and how hard it is for her. Also also an Insta story. She posts more there so I’m saving for history. 

Spoiler

[JermajestyDuggar]

At least she isn’t going to starve them before she gets the tongue tie fixed like Zoo did.

[Ozlsn]

9 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

At least she isn’t going to starve them before she gets the tongue tie fixed like Zoo did.

I suspect they don't have tongue ties, they're just hungry because they're not getting enough to eat. She could try offering a bottle after the feed.

[Skyline]

1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

I suspect they don't have tongue ties, they're just hungry because they're not getting enough to eat. She could try offering a bottle after the feed.

If you bottle after nursing without pumping you can start to tank your supply. It's referred to as the 'top up trap'.

She needs to get them evaluated by a IBCLC and (if needed) get their ties fixed. Feeding issues are not the only problem associated with ties. If she's having severe nipple pain there is an issue with their latch. Mine were both lip and tongue tied and I wasn't able to get them reversed until they were 2wks old. For 2 weeks I cried when I nursed. 

Cluster feeding is normal and not an indication of supply problems. I swear from 4 to 6 wks mine nursed hourly around the clock ?.

Edited November 17, 2020 by Skyline
Clarification

[Baxter]

My daughter had a moderate tongue tie but she was gaining weight well so the oral surgeon recommended leaving it alone and revisiting it in a year to make sure it wasn'timpacting speech. She didn't have a great latch though and at times feeding her was very painful. I wouldn't wish that on almost anyone. Abbie's pretty awful though. I also wasn't going around telling everyone about this and being a mommy martyr. My daughter is 18 months old now and her latch has actually improved a lot although I'm looking forward to being done breastfeeding. Unfortunately my daughter still really seems to want to nurse so we'll see how long we go.

Cluster feeding at that age is really normal and it seems they are gaining enough weight so I think the twins are probably fine from that standpoint. Who knows how bad their tongue tie is. Sometimes at the start when babies are eating so much, your nipples can get really sore anyways. But Abbie makes a big deal about everything so we won't know the truth of course.

[SuperNova]

6 hours ago, Zommom said:

She has to write down what she’s accomplished during the day? This is sad. She probably needs to see the things she does so she can justify being good enough. I think she created the Monday Cleaning list day to get a huge jolt of endorphins for feeling accomplished and also for all the at-a-boys she gets from her followers. As a stay at home mom, I do all that stuff on the regular. I don’t tell people what I do. I know I am loving my family and they are happy and taken care of and that’s enough. But, the lists? After I’ve done a thing? No. I make to-do lists because my brain is dumb, though. 

I make what I call a To-Done list. I have several chronic illnesses and some days I feel bad for for doing what seems like nothing. There are days when I'm so sick that I count anything as something done like brushing my hair or eating. For me it's a coping mechanism that's most useful when I'm in survival mode. It's insightful that a busy mother of 10 would need such a lifeline. For all her talk of loving every minute, I'm betting that she's barely hanging on. I almost feel a bit sorry for her. Almost, but not quite.

[JordynDarby5]

2 hours ago, SuperNova said:

I make what I call a To-Done list. I have several chronic illnesses and some days I feel bad for for doing what seems like nothing. There are days when I'm so sick that I count anything as something done like brushing my hair or eating. For me it's a coping mechanism that's most useful when I'm in survival mode. It's insightful that a busy mother of 10 would need such a lifeline. For all her talk of loving every minute, I'm betting that she's barely hanging on. I almost feel a bit sorry for her. Almost, but not quite.

I do that do that too due to my medical problems. Although its more of a way for me to focus on things I can do on good days or even okay days instead focusing of all the things I can't. 

[danvillebelle]

When you add up everything she has shared over time about lack of hygiene, the number of kids in diapers, and toddlers pooping in random places and such...I am guessing her house stinks most of the time.  ?

ETA: she said something in her martyr whine about scrubbing smoothie out of the couch.  ZERO sympathy.  If you're fucking stupid enough to buy expensive furniture like velvet couches and vintage rugs when you have 10 kids, you get what you deserve.  Seriously, who the hell buys a rug like that and puts it IN THE KITCHEN, IN FRONT OF THE FRIDGE AND THE SINK?  To use one of my favorite quotes from Toy Story 3, "she's not the sharpest knife in the...place...where they put the knives." 

Edited November 17, 2020 by danvillebelle

[JermajestyDuggar]

I know nothing of tongue ties, but maybe that’s why they seem gassy to her?

[FilleMondaine]

@Skyline and @Ozlsn You both are SO right. She needs help feeding her babies, and she would totally benefit from the insight of a lactation consultant. Maybe they do need bottles! Maybe she needs a hospital-grade breast-pump! Maybe the lactation consultant could identify the tongue-ties as problematic.

Oh Em Gee, Abbie! Take care of your kids! Why do you make the WORST decision, when there are usually a million GOOD decisions that you could make?!?!?

Same thing with the furniture and rugs. Floor cloths are beautiful, and you can get them in so many anthro-like designs. Sofa covers as well. OR--she can imagine a WHOLE NEW design aesthetic for her whole house, that is more wipeable, kid-friendly, and looks cool. That would be right up her alley: Expensive, Aesthetically-pleasing, and something to IG about. Everybody wins! (Those kids need a win)

[The butcher's wife]

My baby nephew was also born with a tongue tie. I noticed it the first time I saw him cry at 3 days old. SIL had been wondering why his latch felt so different from her first baby. He needed to be revised twice because the tongue tie was so severe. That was done with within two weeks of him being born. He is 10 weeks now and SIL still says he doesn't latch quite right; he definitely has trouble swallowing properly and seems to "chew" more on the breast and it can be painful sometimes. Why would you let problems like that fester when it is so easy to deal with when the baby is still a newborn and can save you from so much trouble later on.

In her stories today she shows us the horrible mess *insert eyeroll* her house is in, including of course a dig at Shiloh for leaving some clothes on the living room floor (how is that his fault? If your toddler undresses himself and you don't notice, that is on you) and helping himself to some pretzels and eating them straight from the bag (again - why can he access them if he's not supposed to and why is it a bad thing if he eats when he's hungry?). Also, she films herself coming downstairs, where the twins have been left in their bouncers on the table. Where she left them before she went upstairs for how long??? I mean, I get that they are harnessed in there, they are tiny and can't move themselves out of there, and she probably can't leave them on the ground because of the dogs, but still. I would be way too terrified of something random happening and them falling down from the table.

[Baxter]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I know nothing of tongue ties, but maybe that’s why they seem gassy to her?

Yes tongue tie can cause some fussiness. Because the baby doesn't have a good latch, they take in more air when they eat which can cause gas. It can also make them spit up more.

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 minutes ago, Baxter said:

Yes tongue tie can cause some fussiness. Because the baby doesn't have a good latch, they take in more air when they eat which can cause gas. It can also make them spit up more.

That’s what I was wondering. Poor latch equaling swallowed air. She should get this fixed soon. But knowing what a martyr she is, I bet she will wait a little while. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

On 11/16/2020 at 10:31 AM, Zommom said:

She keeps her babies in dirty clothes unless they poop on them? Umm, I’m a pretty relaxed mom, but I somehow never left my babies in dirty clothes for days. 

I love that she couldn’t get the one she wanted. 

Three days?? I think when Elder was a newborn I'd occasionally leave him in the same outfit for a couple of days, usually after he'd gone through four outfits in one day so I'd get a break on laundry and catch up, but he wasn't a big drooler/spit-upper. But three days??

20 hours ago, Zommom said:

She has to write down what she’s accomplished during the day? This is sad. She probably needs to see the things she does so she can justify being good enough. I think she created the Monday Cleaning list day to get a huge jolt of endorphins for feeling accomplished and also for all the at-a-boys she gets from her followers. As a stay at home mom, I do all that stuff on the regular. I don’t tell people what I do. I know I am loving my family and they are happy and taken care of and that’s enough. But, the lists? After I’ve done a thing? No. I make to-do lists because my brain is dumb, though. 

What's the point of making the list after, at least in a regular basis? I get making a to-do list and crossing it off. I get adding something minor to your existing to-do list so that you can cross it off. But... Regularly making a list of stuff you've done? 

[FilleMondaine]

1 hour ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

What's the point of making the list after, at least in a regular basis? I get making a to-do list and crossing it off. I get adding something minor to your existing to-do list so that you can cross it off. But... Regularly making a list of stuff you've done? 

I get it, it's a different concept.

It's a common technique in mental health to help with depression and low self-esteem. (Low self-esteem can often stem from abuse, so it's a decent treatment to shore up sense of self and competence). If a person has trouble remembering things, an after-done list is just as helpful as a to-do list. A nightly after-done list is also helpful for insomnia.

The concept is just as valuable for marking down upkeep on important thing. There are books about recording house repairs, for example.

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

What's the point of making the list after, at least in a regular basis? I get making a to-do list and crossing it off. I get adding something minor to your existing to-do list so that you can cross it off. But... Regularly making a list of stuff you've done?

I make those when the voices in my head (depression) are telling me I'm useless, lazy and a pox on planet earth. By remembering what I've accomplished, I can usually fight those feelings.