Bontrager/Bowers 7: Thanking the Lord for all the Matchmaking

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

Five months in? Puh-lease. Wonder if she’ll be saying that five years in.

She probably will. But whether she actually believes it is another story. This is Allison’s “ministry.” And she won’t let a little thing like marital unhappiness get in the way of her ministry.

[Melissa1977]

Why does she sound so fake? I have the feeling that she forces that poor Jeremiah to sit down for hours praying and talking about how happy they are. "Aren't we blessed, my dear Jeremiah? Aren't you the happiest MARRIED man in the whole country, my dear MANLY man? I'm so content to be stuck in this 1920's bordello-looking house* all day long" and he nods and looks at the clock hoping it's diner time soon.

Maybe she's sincere, and the problem is that she is a bad writer who does not know how to describe her feelings. But she sounds as if she was desperate to be the happiest married women, the same way she sounded desperate when she was single. 

*because the deep red walls mixed with old wooden fortiture and the curtains. All of that can look great... if used with common sense. No way Allison can convince me she likes the decor at all, it's not her style. (Yeah, it's BEC. Sorry)

Edited January 24, 2021 by Melissa1977
Clarify

[Lgirlrocks]

My ant and uncle have been married for almost 52 years, they are jewish not Christian. They got married when he was finishing up college. She worked until they had kids. Their marriage has been tough, my aunts younger sister died 8 years ago, my dad died 11 years ago, my grandpa passed 26 years ago while my grandma was recovering from having her leg amputated following a complication from surgery, my grandma died 6 years ago, and my uncle has had a lot of deaths in the family. My aunt has had a lot of medical issues come up in the last year. My uncle has been there for her. They have two kids and five grandkids. 
Alison no one is saying marriage is always going to be hard. There will be times when it is. My parents were married for almost 25 years before my dad died. My moms faith was tested a lot while my dad was sick. He went from working full time to provide for us to not being able to work at all. My mom worked two jobs to pay the bills. I’m not saying this will happen to Alison. I am just saying that hardships will happen. When they do that is the true test of a relationship. 
it’s easy to say marriage is good and easy, when it is. All relationships are hard work and not always easy. Yes biblical marriage was created by god. Birth was also created by god and that is hard. Just because god created it doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy. Just look at Job. 

no one likes fighting but it does happen. It is healthy. 

Edited January 24, 2021 by Lgirlrocks

[fundiefan]

She is as fake as they come. Even if her marriage is still in the perfectly, perfect happy stage, she is incapable of saying anything without condescension dripping from her chin. 

Fighting is overrated? Oh, that's a miserable freaking life if you never fight over anything, ever. Fights are not fun, but they are healthy & productive & people who can fight & move on are strengthening their marriage/relationship. 

Women who turn into their husband's clone & never have an opinion of their own & bow to their husband and a set of rules defined by the penises throughout their lives - well, I guess it's no wonder they're so deep into their god because they got nothing else & have to bury every individual thought or emotion or opinion. 

We knew she was going to be insufferable. But, she's surpassed even expectations.

[HereticHick]

You just know that she has #happilyeverafterstartshere  emblazoned on a throw pillow or a #rustic signboard. 

[I hope Carlin Bates Stewart has #JesusLovesTheMall  on a throw pillow]

I always sideeye folks who claim they never ever had a fight or disagreement in their marriage. I guess if you a fundy lady who "keeps sweet" no matter what, you will never disagree with your husband, will you?

She may not be shilling oils for financial reasons--it may be out of boredom--she doesn't have her hotel work or her family band, or a baby yet. And we haven't even been able to establish that she and #besthusbandever even have their own place to live that she can decorate and fuss over.

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

I don't know what to think. Allison sounds like a teenager with their first crush. It does sound kind of fake to me. I have no idea how her husband feels, but honestly she comes off smothering. These two will probably stay married, because of how they were raised. On the other hand, it wouldn't surprise if the marriage doesn't work out. 

[fundiefan]

14 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I don't know what to think. Allison sounds like a teenager with their first crush. It does sound kind of fake to me. I have no idea how her husband feels, but honestly she comes off smothering. These two will probably stay married, because of how they were raised. On the other hand, it wouldn't surprise if the marriage doesn't work out. 

In essence, she is a teenager with her first crush. It's not like she had her first boyfriend at 16 and was all googly eyed in love until 17 or 18 or whenever it ended, then learned a few things and dated someone else and learned a few more, then met & fell in love with her husband. 

Allison married the first person she had a "crush" on. I know there is speculation there was a broken courtship/dating/whatever in her life, but they are taught not to have feelings at that stage; it's all their god's doing (or daddy's) - so if she felt anything, including hurt at the end, she buried it all and pretended it didn't exist and Jeremiah is her very first crush and she is drawing their initials inside hearts on her notebooks. 

[Lgirlrocks]

2 hours ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I don't know what to think. Allison sounds like a teenager with their first crush. It does sound kind of fake to me. I have no idea how her husband feels, but honestly she comes off smothering. These two will probably stay married, because of how they were raised. On the other hand, it wouldn't surprise if the marriage doesn't work out. 

I think that they can make it work. She reminds me of Jill Dillard in the way she treats her husband. When Jill first married she couldn’t be without her husband. She eventually learned to be okay on her own and is going through therapy to help you get over her childhood. At some point she is going to have to grow up, maybe they will be able to do it together, maybe they won’t. I hope they do. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

37 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

I think that they can make it work. She reminds me of Jill Dillard in the way she treats her husband. When Jill first married she couldn’t be without her husband. She eventually learned to be okay on her own and is going through therapy to help you get over her childhood. At some point she is going to have to grow up, maybe they will be able to do it together, maybe they won’t. I hope they do. 

The fact that Derick grew up Christian but not a homeschool quiverful fundie and went to a real college makes me think that’s why they are doing real therapy. I can’t ever see Allison and her super fundie husband doing real therapy from a licensed professional. The best she will get is a pastor with a shitty certificate in counseling. 

[ophelia]

Allison appears to be so unhappy that it almost makes me feel sorry for her. But then again she is so damn smug, that I can hardly stand her.

[ElizaB]

With the way she was raised it wouldn't surprise me if they didn't fight. You see, fighting means you have an opinion that is different from your husband. It means you are going against him and aren't being submissive. If you are a 100% submissive wife you wouldn't fight because your husband is your authority- not your equal. 

**I'm not saying I agree with this type of marriage. I don't at all! I am just pointing out what I think is the reality for her. 

[raayx01]

do bontragers have a pattern of waiting to have a kid after getting married, cause I'd think Allison would be pregnant by now

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, raayx01 said:

do bontragers have a pattern of waiting to have a kid after getting married, 

Of course not! Some Bons had a honeymoon baby, some had it later, but I'm sure it was just for fertility reasons. I won't be surprised if eventually, some Bons space children on purpose. But definitely, they all want a pregnancy right after the wedding. It shows how fertile and blessed they are.

Edit to add that not everybody gets pregnant easily and, even for a healthy young couple, it takes time. It's possible to get pregnant at the first cicle, but it's way more common to get pregnant after several months. Up to a year, it is considered normal.

 

Edited January 26, 2021 by Melissa1977
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[JermajestyDuggar]

Bontragers also don’t announce the minute they get a positive pregnancy test. I can pretty much guarantee Allison won’t announce until she’s 3+ months pregnant. 

[usedbicycle]

On 1/24/2021 at 10:46 AM, Lgirlrocks said:

no one likes fighting but it does happen. It is healthy. 

Off topic but the lady who wrote this comment very nearly lost her husband to COVID last year. He was on the brink of death in hospital on a ventilator, with sepsis and pneumonia, and BARELY made it out alive (he was not old and not overweight by the way). They have young children and her posts about it are heart wrenching. https://thesethreeblog.wordpress.com/2021/01/22/he-knows-my-name/

I don't know how people with stories like this can stand interacting with people like the Bontragers who think the pandemic is a hoax and act so irresponsibly.

[indianabones]

On 1/26/2021 at 4:35 PM, usedbicycle said:

Off topic but the lady who wrote this comment very nearly lost her husband to COVID last year. He was on the brink of death in hospital on a ventilator, with sepsis and pneumonia, and BARELY made it out alive (he was not old and not overweight by the way). They have young children and her posts about it are heart wrenching. https://thesethreeblog.wordpress.com/2021/01/22/he-knows-my-name/

I don't know how people with stories like this can stand interacting with people like the Bontragers who think the pandemic is a hoax and act so irresponsibly.

Looks like as soon he was done with his post-COVID rehab they were back in church, maskless, so I'm not too surprised that they're Bontrager fans.

[MomJeans]

re future pregnancy announcement:  Not only do I think Allison will wait to announce, but I never assume all fundies consummate immediately during the honeymoon. 

Yes, some do, but I was raised similarly, and my husband was raised Mormon, and we know many couples that took a while to fully consummate.  Some because they were really nervous/shy, some because they were so damaged by purity culture that they couldn't, and more than one couple that literally couldn't figure out how to, until a pastor wife/church elder's wife had a discreet conversation about premature ejaculation. 

All this to say, there are a lot of reasons a fundie marriage doesn't produce a pregnancy right away. And fertility is tricky even for young people. 

[usedbicycle]

1 hour ago, MomJeans said:

re future pregnancy announcement:  Not only do I think Allison will wait to announce, but I never assume all fundies consummate immediately during the honeymoon. 

Yes, some do, but I was raised similarly, and my husband was raised Mormon, and we know many couples that took a while to fully consummate.  Some because they were really nervous/shy, some because they were so damaged by purity culture that they couldn't, and more than one couple that literally couldn't figure out how to, until a pastor wife/church elder's wife had a discreet conversation about premature ejaculation. 

All this to say, there are a lot of reasons a fundie marriage doesn't produce a pregnancy right away. And fertility is tricky even for young people. 

I always suspected this is what happened with Christopher and Anna Marie Maxwell who took almost a year to conceive their first but are otherwise very fertile. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

19 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

I always suspected this is what happened with Christopher and Anna Marie Maxwell who took almost a year to conceive their first but are otherwise very fertile. 

None of the Maxwell sons got their wives pregnant on their honeymoon! I think Steve made them all royally messed up about sex. 

[ElizaB]

I think a lot of people take a few months to conceive. For my kids I was actively trying and charting on a calendar and it still took at least 4 and as many as 9 months to conceive. And this was me purposefully trying. So for many people by not using birth control but not actively trying on certain days they might not get pregnant right away. 

Also, the Maxwell's sons get married a bit older and except for the new Anna there brides aren't super young. A 19 year old bride is typically going to get pregnant a lot sooner than someone in their late 20's. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

22 minutes ago, ElizaB said:

I think a lot of people take a few months to conceive. For my kids I was actively trying and charting on a calendar and it still took at least 4 and as many as 9 months to conceive. And this was me purposefully trying. So for many people by not using birth control but not actively trying on certain days they might not get pregnant right away. 

Also, the Maxwell's sons get married a bit older and except for the new Anna there brides aren't super young. A 19 year old bride is typically going to get pregnant a lot sooner than someone in their late 20's. 

Anna Patrice is very young and they married in May of last year. I’m expecting an announcement in the blog anytime now.

[ophelia]

12 hours ago, MomJeans said:

re future pregnancy announcement:  Not only do I think Allison will wait to announce, but I never assume all fundies consummate immediately during the honeymoon. 

Yes, some do, but I was raised similarly, and my husband was raised Mormon, and we know many couples that took a while to fully consummate.  Some because they were really nervous/shy, some because they were so damaged by purity culture that they couldn't, and more than one couple that literally couldn't figure out how to, until a pastor wife/church elder's wife had a discreet conversation about premature ejaculation. 

All this to say, there are a lot of reasons a fundie marriage doesn't produce a pregnancy right away. And fertility is tricky even for young people. 

Allison and Jeremiah don't seem to have the same chemistry as John and Chelsy had. Their whole relationship was probably arranged and it seems like Allison really has to force herself to appear happy. She fails big time IMHO.

[anachronistic]

In my experience really happy people don’t need to tell you that they’re happy, they show it. If Allison wrote about decorating her home, spending time with her in laws, making new friends, visiting new people, and she and Jeremiah looked genuinely happy and content in the photos, we would all say something along the lines of ‘they seem to get along really well / they are clearly in love’, etc. It’s like a kid saying they’re not hungry but stomping around the house, angry and upset, insisting that they are FINE and they don’t want ANYTHING, then when you insist they eat and drink their whole mood changes for the better. Allison needs someone to sit her down and explain how marriage is supposed to work as a truly loving partnership between equals, but nobody does, so she keeps going around with a huge fake smile insisting that she is fine, when she’s not. 

[fundiefan]

7 minutes ago, anachronistic said:

In my experience really happy people don’t need to tell you that they’re happy, they show it. If Allison wrote about decorating her home, spending time with her in laws, making new friends, visiting new people, and she and Jeremiah looked genuinely happy and content in the photos, we would all say something along the lines of ‘they seem to get along really well / they are clearly in love’, etc. It’s like a kid saying they’re not hungry but stomping around the house, angry and upset, insisting that they are FINE and they don’t want ANYTHING, then when you insist they eat and drink their whole mood changes for the better. Allison needs someone to sit her down and explain how marriage is supposed to work as a truly loving partnership between equals, but nobody does, so she keeps going around with a huge fake smile insisting that she is fine, when she’s not. 

This! 

Wealthy people don't need to tell you how wealthy they are, sexually fulfilled people don't need to regale you with stories of their awesome sex life, happily married people don't need to tell you every day how wonderful and perfect their marriage is, and happy people don't need to create long, drawn out IG posts about how perfectly happy their perfect life is. 

In my experience, the more people brag/talk/shout about something, the less likely it is to be true. They're trying desperately to create an image and often trying to hide the reality. Smoke & mirrors. 

 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

On 1/28/2021 at 10:23 PM, ElizaB said:

I think a lot of people take a few months to conceive. For my kids I was actively trying and charting on a calendar and it still took at least 4 and as many as 9 months to conceive. And this was me purposefully trying. So for many people by not using birth control but not actively trying on certain days they might not get pregnant right away. 

Also, the Maxwell's sons get married a bit older and except for the new Anna there brides aren't super young. A 19 year old bride is typically going to get pregnant a lot sooner than someone in their late 20's. 

This is not necessarily true. I've known at least a few women who got pregnant right away and who weren't 19. Statistically a woman in her late twenties is as likely to conceive as a nineteen year old. None of the Maxwell brides were old enough that they would have age-related fertility problems. (Melanie has fertility problems, but not because she was old.)