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Joe & Kendra 15: Mother/Daughter Pregnancies are So Not Icky


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Melissa1977
On 10/24/2020 at 1:48 AM, Audrey2 said:

Sadly, I can easily see Johanna, Jordan, or Jenny being shipped out to help Kendra.

Why? Michelle raised her own kids until Jana was old enough. Michelle may think that Kendra has to do the same, and in 8 years Addison will be ready.

I think Michelle needs the girls for herself. The house is enourmous and must be cleaned, there is still a lot of laundry, etc. Plus a couple hours homeschooling, cooking and Bible time, they cannot spent their lives at Joseph house. Plus, why to help Joseph and not Joy or Jessa? One girl at each house?

It doesn't seem that Bates or Duggars are using the young girls as nannies in a regular basis.  

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My mother got a hysterectomy shortly after I found myself pregnant. Of course, she was 65 but you can never be too careful.

In my childfree opinion, she’s simply using resources available to her. I don’t understand why she’s getting castigated for it. 

Wow.   Not only is this some serious mom shaming, but also a dangerous message.   We should be encouraging young moms -- all moms -- to ask for help if they need it, not reinforcing the notion that th

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SassyPants
1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

Why? Michelle raised her own kids until Jana was old enough. Michelle may think that Kendra has to do the same, and in 8 years Addison will be ready.

I think Michelle needs the girls for herself. The house is enourmous and must be cleaned, there is still a lot of laundry, etc. Plus a couple hours homeschooling, cooking and Bible time, they cannot spent their lives at Joseph house. Plus, why to help Joseph and not Joy or Jessa? One girl at each house?

It doesn't seem that Bates or Duggars are using the young girls as nannies in a regular basis.  

Per IG today, Joy was having a rough day and needed to clean the house and do laundry so she dropped Gideon at the TTH...the G2 Duggars have no problem dropping those kids and running.

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WiseGirl
1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

Per IG today, Joy was having a rough day and needed to clean the house and do laundry so she dropped Gideon at the TTH...the G2 Duggars have no problem dropping those kids and running.

Goid grief, she only has two kids now. What the hell is she going to do when she has s quiver?  Don't have more kids than you can handle.  They should stop now.

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QuiverFullofBooks

Michelle is the baby of her family, and she has at least one nephew who is about her age, so the Duggars probably think it’s normal.

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AussieKrissy
2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Per IG today, Joy was having a rough day and needed to clean the house and do laundry so she dropped Gideon at the TTH...the G2 Duggars have no problem dropping those kids and running.

Somewhat jealous that she has the option to do that. I don’t begrudge her it really. I know I would use that option if I had it. Everyone needs a break. Lucky her gets one. Better to ask for help and get it then not and have a break down. Can’t snark on her for this. She will give us heaps to come I bet. 

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Melissa1977
7 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Per IG today, Joy was having a rough day and needed to clean the house and do laundry so she dropped Gideon at the TTH...the G2 Duggars have no problem dropping those kids and running.

Dropping a kid at grandparents house is very different than sending a teenager as a maid. In TTH there are currently 4 girls (plus Mac, that seems to be there a lot) and that way it is very easy to look after a toddler. 

My point was that in quiverful families, each household has to birth their own maids. Aunts can help, but it doesn't seem to be their job. Anyway, Kelly Jo stated years ago that only her older daughters were trained to do chores and she was trying to teach the middle ones (Katie and Carlin maybe?) because the older ones were getting married... It is enterely possible that the young girls in megafamilies are not able to babysit on their own or that elder sisters don't trust them. We all know that quiverful moms eventually leave their duties (homeschooling, caring for babies etc) so we can also asume that the young kids are not as useful as elders, because haven't been requested/trained to be.

 

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SorenaJ

I'm actually a bit surprised that Hannie, Jenni and Jordyn are not shipped off to Jessa, Joy and Joe to help out. Or another young fundie maiden who have graduated SOTRT with no immediate marriage prospects. Would seem Duggar/fundie-logical to do. 

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patsymae
On 10/21/2020 at 3:48 PM, Mama Mia said:

I know several families in my circle who had mother- daughter or mother / daughter-in-law pregnancies. Or aunts/uncles younger than their nieces/nephews. 
But usually because of having babies with a new partner, or an oops, thought I couldn’t get pregnant anymore/ oops got carried away, got pregnant early situation. Or a combination. 

My family also. Lots of surprise! late-in-life babies, and a few with a new partner. My youngest sister is a year older than my oldest niece, and my grandchildren are the same ages as her children.

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allthegoodnamesrgone
13 hours ago, WiseGirl said:

Goid grief, she only has two kids now. What the hell is she going to do when she has s quiver?  Don't have more kids than you can handle.  They should stop now.

In Joy's defense have you ever tried to clean your house with a toddler  underfoot, I realize it can be done, it is just easier to do with out them. Not to mention Gideon will have much more fun playing with his aunts, uncles & cousins that watching mommy clean.  Lastly, according to the video she started her day cleaning shit out of her carpet and off of said toddler, after he decided to finger paint with his poop.  🤮  I'd be dropping my kid at grandma's too.

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Bobology

Joy said she dropped Gideon off at her "family's" (house is implied) which clears things up a bit. She dropped him off for her younger sisters to watch him, play with him, feed him, change him, etc, because ain't no way JB or Michelle are going to be responsible for doing all that. I wonder how often Michelle has a "headache" or "didn't sleep well" and JB has "important man-work" to do so they can stay in their little offices or bedroom or just be gone from the chaos they have bred.

Years ago the parents said they paid the kids for particular chores... like 2 cents for a load of laundry or whatever (I'm sure the boys got paid dollars to pennies for he-man work, though) and I've wondered if they still do that. Perhaps the parents of the toddlers are required to pay the little sisters 4 cents/hour for keeping the little blessings alive while they galavant. Yes, I realize cleaning your house is not galavanting, but the luxury of doing it without a toddler around is practically galavanting.

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ophelia
4 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

I'm actually a bit surprised that Hannie, Jenni and Jordyn are not shipped off to Jessa, Joy and Joe to help out. Or another young fundie maiden who have graduated SOTRT with no immediate marriage prospects. Would seem Duggar/fundie-logical to do. 

We've seen that before. At least two of Chad Paine's sisters were tutors/babysitters in other mega families before getting married.

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SassyPants

Also...the way that the Duggars watch kids, I think the expectations are fairly low. I don’t think that JB or M would alter their routines to care for a grandchild. To be honest, my parents were like this as well. Thankfully they didn’t live close enough to be babysitters. I think Joy just wanted to have a day to prep for Austin’s return. I wonder why she didn’t do some laundry while Carlin was there? It’s not like she needed to go to the river to beat it on the rock. And let’s hope with 3 little ones and spiking COVID numbers, they weren’t running all over hell and back.

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SassyPants
32 minutes ago, Bobology said:

Joy said she dropped Gideon off at her "family's" (house is implied) which clears things up a bit. She dropped him off for her younger sisters to watch him, play with him, feed him, change him, etc, because ain't no way JB or Michelle are going to be responsible for doing all that. I wonder how often Michelle has a "headache" or "didn't sleep well" and JB has "important man-work" to do so they can stay in their little offices or bedroom or just be gone from the chaos they have bred.

Years ago the parents said they paid the kids for particular chores... like 2 cents for a load of laundry or whatever (I'm sure the boys got paid dollars to pennies for he-man work, though) and I've wondered if they still do that. Perhaps the parents of the toddlers are required to pay the little sisters 4 cents/hour for keeping the little blessings alive while they galavant. Yes, I realize cleaning your house is not galavanting, but the luxury of doing it without a toddler around is practically galavanting.

I just think it shows how entitled these folks are, and how outside the norm they live. May as well just hire someone else to do the housework and laundry (or get a fairy) and spend the time with the kids. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a more efficient homemaker, and I worked four days a week outside the home. It’s really not that hard, but I was ready for the multitasking required because my parents, teachers, professors and work mentors taught me and role modeled how to get many tasks done, day after day. To me this behavior highlights how JB’s way isn’t better. We all know how hard it was for JIll to live and parent in Central America, without the mothership to bail her out vs Jessa’s ease at doing the same in GMM’s small home. Jinger seems to be doing ok, but I think she and J really enjoy the distance between LA and NWA, and want to do things a bit differently.

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allthegoodnamesrgone

So taking your kids to a family members home makes you entitled & out of touch?  How?  

Maybe she didn't do laundry while Carlin was there because she didn't want Carlin to feel obligated to help. I know when I'm at my BFF's house if she's folding laundry I help her, or she me at my house.  She still has a nursing newborn, maybe Evie didn't sleep well last night & she's tired & wanted a nap, maybe she was frustrated and needed a break from an under stimulated 2 yr old who's missing his daddy (remember Austin has been out of town for several days).  Its been cold & raining for over a week, the TTH is a good place to run around and blow off energy. What ever the reason having family around to help out doesn't make you entitled or out of touch, & using them once & a while when you need help doesn't make you lazy. 

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SassyPants
9 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

So taking your kids to a family members home makes you entitled & out of touch?  How?  

Maybe she didn't do laundry while Carlin was there because she didn't want Carlin to feel obligated to help. I know when I'm at my BFF's house if she's folding laundry I help her, or she me at my house.  She still has a nursing newborn, maybe Evie didn't sleep well last night & she's tired & wanted a nap, maybe she was frustrated and needed a break from an under stimulated 2 yr old who's missing his daddy (remember Austin has been out of town for several days).  Its been cold & raining for over a week, the TTH is a good place to run around and blow off energy. What ever the reason having family around to help out doesn't make you entitled or out of touch, & using them once & a while when you need help doesn't make you lazy. 

A stay at home mother taking a kid who spread his crap all over the carpet and who had a mountain of laundry to do after a week long staycation with a friend ...yep I’d call that out of touch with the real world and entitled. Simultaneously parenting and keeping up with the home is what SAHPing is all about. It’s all a choice. I see these folks as wanting things both ways. ITRW, most people do not have that choice. Of course ITRW, most young 20 somethings’ parents are usually working too, so the option of dumping kids isn’t available.

Edited by SassyPants
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kmachete14

@SassyPants I respectfully have to disagree. I consider myself a "real world" person, and I'm a SAHM whose own mom literally begs me to drop off my baby at her house . . . and I use that time, to, you guessed it . . . clean my own house! Including mountains of laundry! I think that most people who live near their family, and have family who are willing, utilize "dropping off baby at grandma's" as much as grandma feels comfortable with. I'm a 20-something, and my mom does not work (she's long retired and was a SAHM herself). I would say that I'm privileged to have this convenience, but definitely not out of touch/entitled, and 100% not unusual! 

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Bluebirdbluebell

Michelle doesn't actually babysit her kids; her daughters do. If Joy is overwhlemed with two kids, how is she going to manage as her quiver grows? I guess she has Evelyn for a sister mom. They should either stop at 2 kids or Austin will have to give up galavanting. (If mom was overwhelmed, she had very little help from her family who lived far away.

As for the youngest girls becoming full-time aunt moms, I think because of television it would look bad if they were helpers and not pretending to homeschool. Hannie is 15 and most girls are either in school or homeschooling. The Duggars have always tried to downplay their lack of ambitions for their daughters. 

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SassyPants
57 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

Michelle doesn't actually babysit her kids; her daughters do. If Joy is overwhlemed with two kids, how is she going to manage as her quiver grows? I guess she has Evelyn for a sister mom. They should either stop at 2 kids or Austin will have to give up galavanting. (If mom was overwhelmed, she had very little help from her family who lived far away.

As for the youngest girls becoming full-time aunt moms, I think because of television it would look bad if they were helpers and not pretending to homeschool. Hannie is 15 and most girls are either in school or homeschooling. The Duggars have always tried to downplay their lack of ambitions for their daughters. 

I absolutely agree that neither Michelle nor JB are watching anyone’s kids all on their lonesome. No doubt there were auntie moms on the ready, including Anna, and likely the “care” was spotty...to each their own. My entire point being, Joy was clearly tired and exasperated at Gideon’s behaviors that morning, so she dumped him at the big house. How many mothers ITRW have that option, or would announce it so flippantly? Does Joy not see how entitled that sounds? Who wouldn’t want to clean piles of laundry and poopy carpet without a toddler under foot? MOST mothers don’t have the option of getting rid of the kid for the day, and IF they DID they’d express much gratitude for that comfort. Not these folks though. I’m telling you, it’s an alternative universe.

7 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

In my childfree opinion, she’s simply using resources available to her. I don’t understand why she’s getting castigated for it. 

Absolutely. If it’s one thing JB DID teach his kids, it’s how to USE others. In this regard, they are experts.

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SassyPants

SASSY’S MEA CULPA-

Ive thought it through. I am wrong here. Austin, Joy and the kids work on the show and JB and M get the check. SO, as far as I can see, THEY are the users. THEY should be watching GKs every.single.day until this arrangement changes.

Sorry for being a big ole BEC. The election needs to over!

Edited by SassyPants
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Expectopatronus

I’m relieved that Joy isn’t following the Pearl method and didn’t beat her kid for this. 

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36 minutes ago, Expectopatronus said:

I’m relieved that Joy isn’t following the Pearl method and didn’t beat her kid for this. 

Well, to be fair, we don't know that she didn't. 

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Not to defend a Duggar...but since when is getting a little help so bad? Yes, if she does it all the time or expects her little sisters to raise her baby or be a maid that's an issue, but really? I too have had my mom watch my son if I needed to do a deep clean or tackling a project that isn't feasible with a million interruptions. Am I lucky for that privilege?  Absolutely. Is it somehow problematic? Absolutely not.

And while I know I'm starting to get all the grandkids mixed up, I'm pretty sure Joy still has a newborn at home too.

Again, if a younger girl moves in to start helping full time I will gladly side eye. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with a mom getting some help once in a while. I might question the quality of that care at TTH but since that isn't what is being debated, I'll ignore that issue. But overall, Joy having family watch her toddler while she catches up on cleaning is great and it's literally what anyone suggests you do to help a mom out.  Imagine if Michelle and Jimbob had a rule in place that said no babysitting grand-kids...we'd tear them apart.

Edited by Silas
i can't type and eat and freejinger at the same time
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SassyPants
1 hour ago, Silas said:

Not to defend a Duggar...but since when is getting a little help so bad? Yes, if she does it all the time or expects her little sisters to raise her baby or be a maid that's an issue, but really? I too have had my mom watch my son if I needed to do a deep clean or tackling a project that isn't feasible with a million interruptions. Am I lucky for that privilege?  Absolutely. Is it somehow problematic? Absolutely not.

And while I know I'm starting to get all the grandkids mixed up, I'm pretty sure Joy still has a newborn at home too.

Again, if a younger girl moves in to start helping full time I will gladly side eye. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with a mom getting some help once in a while. I might question the quality of that care at TTH but since that isn't what is being debated, I'll ignore that issue. But overall, Joy having family watch her toddler while she catches up on cleaning is great and it's literally what anyone suggests you do to help a mom out.  Imagine if Michelle and Jimbob had a rule in place that said no babysitting grand-kids...we'd tear them apart.

I’m trying to imagine Michelle babysitting any kids without any backup help...not seeing it. I could imagine JB babysitting, alone, before I can envision Michelle.

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