Dillards 87: Experts on Everything!

[Snarkasarus Rex]

31 minutes ago, Audrey2 said:

So really icky question... Do you think Jim Bob and Michelle are already starting to think about matching Johanna? I was under the impression that they were quite okay with Joy liking Austin, and we know that their daughters weddings bring more revenue in than their sons.

 

She's 15...I'm sure they are at least thinking about it, maybe actively talking to other families with similarly-aged sons about it.  

[Bluebirdbluebell]

On 12/23/2020 at 2:42 AM, ophelia said:

I think future spouses will come from humper families and/or hardcore fundie families. They seem to be close with the Bowers who seem to be even more fundie than the Duggars. I really hope none of the remaining girls have to marry a Bowers since their father Curtis is batshit crazy and shares dangerous conspiracy theories.

I don't know the Bowers boys don't have it financially together enough for a Duggar girl. It'll almost be like marrying them to a Rod boy. 

11 hours ago, Audrey2 said:

So really icky question... Do you think Jim Bob and Michelle are already starting to think about matching Johanna? I was under the impression that they were quite okay with Joy liking Austin, and we know that their daughters weddings bring more revenue in than their sons.

In no way am I saying who Johanna could be matching up with and really the thought thought is repulsive to me. I don't want to start speculation about future husbands just if Jim Bob and Michelle are putting her in social situations with other Godly young men. I have a very bad feeling that the duggars are going to want their three younger daughters excluding Josie matched up by the time they're 20.

I think they matched Joy and Austin from a very young age. They spun the relationship story to make it look better. I hope Johanna has a long ways to go before she finds someone. 

[AussieKrissy]

I thought a few months ago there was some people having a chat about a potential boy she could or is in a friendship stage with. I do t remember who the boy was though. Hannie I am talking about. 

[HeartsAFundie]

12 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

I thought a few months ago there was some people having a chat about a potential boy she could or is in a friendship stage with. I do t remember who the boy was though. Hannie I am talking about. 

It was because Jim Bob and Michelle were hanging out with the Bontragers, and people were wondering what was up with that.  In one of my posts I did question if they were shopping around for a potential suitor for Hannie, since the Bontragers have sons close to her age and are a well-known fundie family.  There is no way Jim Bob is going to make the same mistake twice and choose another Derick Dillard for his single daughters.   

[Marionette]

On 12/23/2020 at 3:07 PM, Audrey2 said:

So really icky question... Do you think Jim Bob and Michelle are already starting to think about matching Johanna? I was under the impression that they were quite okay with Joy liking Austin, and we know that their daughters weddings bring more revenue in than their sons.

In no way am I saying who Johanna could be matching up with and really the thought thought is repulsive to me. I don't want to start speculation about future husbands just if Jim Bob and Michelle are putting her in social situations with other Godly young men. I have a very bad feeling that the duggars are going to want their three younger daughters excluding Josie matched up by the time they're 20.

While I hope they don’t have someone in mind  for Johannah already, I was involved in ATI/IBLP as a teenager and as soon as you hit puberty, you’re definitely told to start making a list of character qualities you want in a future spouse and start praying for them. I remember being 14 and constantly being told the next thing for me was marriage (as soon as I graduate high school, which was 4 years away but still!). I didn’t really get to enjoy just being a teenager. 

[Oh_Dear!]

The Bontragers also have a 16-year old daughter, and there are still several howlers to marry off. 

[Satan'sFortress]

On 12/24/2020 at 6:06 PM, Marionette said:

you’re definitely told to start making a list of character qualities you want in a future spouse and start praying for them. 

Genuine question here: Are any girls' lists different from one another? I get the impression that they'd all be prerty much identical? Strong leader,  Godly,  etc. If they can differ, how so? And if not, then why even the pretense of making a list? Why wouldn't they just be handed a preprinted list?

Edited December 26, 2020 by Satan'sFortress
Typo

[Marionette]

14 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

Genuine question here: Are any girls' lists different from one another? I get the impression that they'd all be prerty much identical? Strong leader,  Godly,  etc. If they can differ, how so? And if not, then why even the pretense of making a list? Why wouldn't they just be handed a preprinted list?

Yeah, for the most part they would look the same. And we are basically told what we should look for (the traits you named and more), but then there are some more specific “custom” things that you can “want,” like that he be a farmer or something a la Kaylee Rod or “dog person” lmao. Jana wants a hard-worker and Jinger wanted more of a city guy. I had one friend who said she wanted a “white guy who spoke Chinese” (or at least was willing to learn; she was from a Chinese family). I think I remember Anna Duggar saying J*sh had a certain trait that she wanted so she “knew” it was God telling her he was “the one.”  I also remember at one Big Sandy conference, one woman was telling the story of the list she made and the guy she ended up marrying checked off every box but one (and she said it was that he didn’t love glitter and sparkles as much as she did?!). 

So generally, the lists are the same. And really to most “normal” people they are the same. They try to make the list out to be something you create so that you’ll *know* when God sends you the one. But on one hand, it’s all so generic that it’s kind of pointless. In my experience, I also think, in a way, it limits you/puts you in a box but also sets unrealistic expectations, because if you meet a decent guy and he doesn’t fit ONE trivial thing on your list (wrong hair color or something stupid), you pass on that guy and continue waiting for someone perfect. 

I think it’s fine to know you want someone who is a hard-worker and compassionate, etc. (I know I do), but I think they put too much emphasis on it from a young age to the point where you’re checking if every guy you meet fits that criteria instead of just getting to know people.

[nokidsmom]

On 12/26/2020 at 8:43 AM, Marionette said:

I think it’s fine to know you want someone who is a hard-worker and compassionate, etc. (I know I do), but I think they put too much emphasis on it from a young age to the point where you’re checking if every guy you meet fits that criteria instead of just getting to know people.

Agree, remember as a teenager just getting to know people and not worrying so much about any marriage "criteria" because it was too far off in the future anyway.  But in getting to know others you may realize that there are other qualities you would like in a spouse or partner.   Or realize some things that are not so important.   Putting emphasis on having a firm list of things from the get-go, doesn't give young people a chance to do that.  

[feministxtian]

As a teenager, my criteria for dating was simple...male, have a car and a job, be kinda cute and into me. I don't think I was really thinking about marriage criteria at all, ever!! Given my marital track record, I probably wasn't. I'm finding I'm a lot more picky now at my advanced age. Essentially, a man would have to appear in my living room, in front of my TV, holding a sign that says "Mr. Xtian sent me". I'm not holding my breath. 

[Four is Enough]

Before I met Mr. Four, my list of expectations included Healthy, Employed, Sense of Humor. That's about all.

Since Mr. Four had 5 bypasses on his cardiac arteries when he was 52, I'm hoping I made the right choice.. (he's 66 now) LOL

[BullyJBG]

On 12/27/2020 at 9:18 PM, feministxtian said:

As a teenager, my criteria for dating was simple...male, have a car and a job, be kinda cute and into me. I don't think I was really thinking about marriage criteria at all, ever!! Given my marital track record, I probably wasn't. I'm finding I'm a lot more picky now at my advanced age. Essentially, a man would have to appear in my living room, in front of my TV, holding a sign that says "Mr. Xtian sent me". I'm not holding my breath. 

I don't blame you, sister. Or maybe I watched too many videos from Dr Ramini about narcissism, and realize how easily one can be deceived and I'm like, I think I like being alone. Well, most of the time. I have moments where I think it'd be nice to be part of a couple again.

  Come to think of it, I would be curious about Mom Kathy's story with her current husband, but I wouldn't blame her for wanting to keep that quiet. Someone I think suggested that Derick's step-dad asked a bunch of questions about the show in the beginning, which may have led to Derick passing those questions on to Jimbob, and leading to where they are today.......I'd believe that.

[feministxtian]

1 minute ago, BullyJBG said:

I have moments where I think it'd be nice to be part of a couple again.

Me too...then I realize that it would involve having to compromise on the TV habits instead of total geek immersion, occasionally having to have conversations with someone and maybe even have sex. I'm discovering I'm asexual and I'm good with that. I think talking to Luke, Leia & Sadie takes care of my conversation needs and they don't bitch over my weird ass TV watching habits. 

As time goes on, I'm enjoying this more and more. I like my little apartment, it's comfy and roomy enough for me. My little bathroom with enough room for my shit and that's it, Come and go as I please, spend as I please, It's not bad...I mean, if I was told I'd have to give it all up to have my husband back, well, that's not even a real decision...but when it comes to a "new" relationship, nah, I'm good. 

[SweetLaurel]

On 12/23/2020 at 3:07 PM, Audrey2 said:

So really icky question... Do you think Jim Bob and Michelle are already starting to think about matching Johanna? I was under the impression that they were quite okay with Joy liking Austin, and we know that their daughters weddings bring more revenue in than their sons.

Most 15 year old kids are thinking of their future - driving! Dating!  College! Or a job!  Trade school!  Getting an apartment with friends.  Moving to a new city after high school.  Planning what their life will be like and how they can shape it by planning and schooling or learning a trade or...  All these girls get to dream of is spreading their legs for Jesus.  Have the sex.  Have the babies.  It is just heartbreaking that, yes, I'm sure they and she are looking around to see who she can sex up - marry - as soon as possible.   There are no other options.  Jesus said so.  

Edited December 30, 2020 by SweetLaurel

[Smee]

Not fundie, and raised by atheists, but as a teenager I totally made lists of what qualities I wanted in a guy. I was also thinking of marriage from the get go, the idea of non-serious dating did not appeal to me (probably because I’m asexual and prefer spending time with people I know than getting to know new people). Ever since childhood I’ve been obsessed with babies, as a kid that translated into wanting to be an obstetrician or paediatrician but once I hit puberty it was all marriage and motherhood.

Mr Smee met the criteria but I don’t recommend the process. I would tell my teenage self to focus on my other interests, enjoy my friendships and other close relationships, and babysit a lot.

[mango_fandango]

I’ve never had any kind of romantic relationship ever. I haven’t ever really thought about what I’d want in a man... 

[AussieKrissy]

Just saw on fb someone pointing out that jill

liked an Instagram post of Joe Biden’s. That’s a bit surprising. 

[irish_dancing_canadian]

I’m 28 and have only ever been in one serious relationship. We broke up this year and were together for 4. Before that I just had the odd date/fling and even a couple friends with benefits situations. Anyways, looking back on my relationship, I’ve really learned what I look for in a partner and what crap I won’t  tolerate anymore. My ex was incredibly judgemental and just not understanding of people and situations that were a bit different to his. Was opinionated but refused to listen to others people’s opinions. He wasn’t like this at first, I remember him in the first year being incredibly different. My best friend remembers this too so I’m not that crazy ? 

Basically I need someone to be super loving and supportive. Understands that I have bad anxiety and they’ll have to understand it’s something I deal with. And they need to not throw fits when something doesn’t go their way. Life isn’t perfect. 

Now imagine if I had been fundie and this was the man I had to marry and stay with forever? Lord have mercy.... 

[Glasgowghirl]

4 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

Just saw on fb someone pointing out that jill

liked an Instagram post of Joe Biden’s. That’s a bit surprising. 

I am surprised, I thought they may have still voted Trump this time but were not as vocal about it. Jill even liking a post by a Democrat is a big deal given how she was raised. 

[church_of_dog]

9 hours ago, Smee said:

Not fundie, and raised by atheists, but as a teenager I totally made lists of what qualities I wanted in a guy. 

Same here.

But my lists weren't so much "these attributes are essential in my partner" but more that I was in an environment (totally secular, but still) where I was being taught that I could "manifest" something into my reality by the power of assertion and positive thinking.  I wasn't sure if I believed that but I was sure as heck gonna give it a try!  

I was also doing it from a starting point of no previous romantic relationships, so I had little idea of which attributes were really important to me, beyond "smart" and "sense of humor".

[Iamtheway]

18 hours ago, SweetLaurel said:

Most 15 year old kids are thinking of their future - driving! Dating!  College! Or a job!  Trade school!  Getting an apartment with friends.  Moving to a new city after high school.  Planning what their life will be like and how they can shape it by planning and schooling or learning a trade or...  All these girls get to dream of is spreading their legs for Jesus.  Have the sex.  Have the babies.  It is just heartbreaking that, yes, I'm sure they and she are looking around to see who she can sex up - marry - as soon as possible.   There are no other options.  Jesus said so.  

But Jesus wasn’t even married! And he didn’t have any kids. No arrows in his quiver. And he was loving to all people. They should all be more like Jesus. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

When I told the fundy pastor I was divorcing the dumb ass first husband his response was but I’ve never had a divorce in my church.  Well F You, your gonna have one now.  What a jerk, they’re all so repulsive.

[finnlassie]

I literally did not know that priests can get divorced, until my parents did when I was 13. Brought an extra layer to all of the other shocks...

Edited January 2, 2021 by finnlassie

[BullyJBG]

On 1/2/2021 at 5:55 PM, finnlassie said:

I literally did not know that priests can get divorced, until my parents did when I was 13. Brought an extra layer to all of the other shocks...

I believe it! I have read that Catholics are much more sticky about divorce, especially if one wishes to re-marry. And in some sects, priests can't marry in the first place. Wow; I imagine, that WOULD be a shock, and wouldn't there be other priests that carry on about how THAT'S why priests shouldn't marry in the first place?

[SassyPants]

So Jana and Jer. Went and delivered the Dillards’ Christmas gifts. Did Jana need a buddy so that Jill didn’t corrupt her? How come Grannie Michelle AKA Lolly didn’t make a visit? Does JB forbid her? Jill will be better and stronger in the long run, but I could just throttle JB for his behaviors and attitudes.