Mom's Corner by Teri

[Howl]

On 10/25/2022 at 9:28 PM, noseybutt said:

it makes me happy that the Halloween costume discussion is happening on Teri’s thread. Here’s hoping she will someday sew costumes for grandkids.

It's interesting that Teri doesn't talk a lot about the role of a grandmother.  Grandmothers can be important and influential in the life of a grandchild. Or maybe Teri's like, "Been there, done that and I'm so over it." 

[Hane]

1 hour ago, Howl said:

It's interesting that Teri doesn't talk a lot about the role of a grandmother.  Grandmothers can be important and influential in the life of a grandchild. Or maybe Teri's like, "Been there, done that and I'm so over it." 

Hence all the brouhaha she always made about “Grandma’s Annual Picnic.” I never understood why she had to be so formal and rigid about activities with her grandkids, who lived right in her neighborhood. Most stay-at-home grandmas would be all, “Come on over whenever—just wipe your feet and don’t slam the screen door!”

[kpmom]

I wonder if she still follows the once a week visit to her nearby grandkids?  That always seemed so strange to me. It was actually scheduled and lasted 30 minutes if I remember. No more, no less. 🙄

Yes, formal is a good word to describe her relationship with the grands. 
 

I’ve always had the idea that Teri isn’t comfortable with young children.  And that’s fine, some people aren’t. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 minutes ago, kpmom said:

I wonder if she still follows the once a week visit to her nearby grandkids?  That always seemed so strange to me. It was actually scheduled and lasted 30 minutes if I remember. No more, no less. 🙄

Yes, formal is a good word to describe her relationship with the grands. 
 

I’ve always had the idea that Teri isn’t comfortable with young children.  And that’s fine, some people aren’t. 

My good friend’s mother sort of acts like Teri as a grandmother. But she’s a retired school teacher. So it makes sense. So she always has these planned activities. She never just “hangs out” with the kids. They always have a scheduled activity. Even when they were just toddlers. The kids enjoy the activities. But when I was little, my grandparents didn’t really schedule stuff like that. My cousins and siblings and I would all go to their house and play outside and watch movies. My grandparents rarely had anything planned for when we came over. 

[noseybutt]

It’s the pre arranged 15 (30) minute increments that make me laugh. So bizarre given how unpredictable kids can be.

Also. Completely inappropriate but I would really like to know if Steve and Teri schedule(d) their sex lives accordingly? That would be an article worth reading.

[Caroline]

8 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My good friend’s mother sort of acts like Teri as a grandmother. But she’s a retired school teacher.

I'm not a grandma, but I've been a teacher for a looooong time.  I always have specific plans for whenever I spend time with children. I was like that in the summer with my own daughter (although not as regimented as Terri seems to be).   It's a habit that's hard to break.

[noseybutt]

11 minutes ago, Caroline said:

I'm not a grandma, but I've been a teacher for a looooong time.  I always have specific plans for whenever I spend time with children. I was like that in the summer with my own daughter (although not as regimented as Terri seems to be).   It's a habit that's hard to break.

I think this is cute, not a habit that needs broken.

A lot of my frustration with Teri is that she schedules tight increments of where HER attention will be placed. There’s not a lot of wiggle room for the child on the receiving end.

 

 

[Coconut Flan]

I hated the time limits for reading and puzzles especially.  I had more joy when the grandchildren were first learning about books and I'd finish and they'd go again and then again until they could memorize a book.  Plus who can/should interrupt a child looking for the last piece or two to finish a puzzle?

Edited December 8, 2022 by Coconut Flan

[Jana814]

I think both Teri & Steve are very big on doing things on a schedule. When the grandkids come over for something even if they are having fun they must stop because they have to read the Bible. Steve puts the grandkids reading  the Bible more important then anything else. 

[theologygeek]

8 hours ago, Howl said:

It's interesting that Teri doesn't talk a lot about the role of a grandmother.  Grandmothers can be important and influential in the life of a grandchild. Or maybe Teri's like, "Been there, done that and I'm so over it." 

Being a grandmother is the best thing on earth.  My grandson has my heart.  He can do no wrong and he is spoiled rotten because he is the only grandchild on my side of the family.  I will yell at my son if he even looks at my angel baby the wrong way. Yes I am that grandmother.  Don't care.  When he comes over, we don't schedule anything.  All he has to do is bat his eyelashes and say he wants something and it's "Everyone out of the way, my baby wants to go to McDonalds."  Now his younger sister thinks I'm her grandmother too.  We bonded over the summer.  She's not my son's child.  But my family was warned that children don't ask to come in the world and there are no steps or halves when it comes to kids.  My son does not get along with her father (grandson's mother cheated on my son and got pregnant), but it's too bad.  The child adores my son so he had to suck it up.  Now she throws her arms around my son when she sees him and she does the same for me.  She's my little princess.  What a little firecracker she is.  She's so fierce.  I love it.  Can't relate to Teri at all.  I'm the polar opposite.  I can brag and love on my babies all day.  

[Black Aliss]

2 hours ago, kpmom said:

ve always had the idea that Teri isn’t comfortable with young children.  And that’s fine, some people aren’t. 

 I don't think Sarah is comfortable around young children, either. Otherwise you'd think at some point, when Sarah put down her camera and started rolling around on the floor or the grass with one of her nieces or nephews, someone else would have grabbed the camera and gotten a picture for the blog. But we mostly only saw Sarah in those stiff posed photos of the family, where she set a timer and ran back to get into the picture herself.

[JermajestyDuggar]

On 12/7/2022 at 10:54 PM, Black Aliss said:

 I don't think Sarah is comfortable around young children, either. Otherwise you'd think at some point, when Sarah put down her camera and started rolling around on the floor or the grass with one of her nieces or nephews, someone else would have grabbed the camera and gotten a picture for the blog. But we mostly only saw Sarah in those stiff posed photos of the family, where she set a timer and ran back to get into the picture herself.

It might be different with her own kids. I’ve known quite a few people who say, “I don’t really like kids. But I like MY kids.” Sarah might just like having her own kid and not dealing with everyone else’s kids. 

[Baxter]

8 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It might be different with her own kids. I’ve known quite a few people who say, “I don’t really like kids. But I like MY kids.” Sarah might just like having her own kid and not dealing with everyone else’s kids. 

Yes, I am one of those people. Other people's kids are fine. But I'm not eager to hold anyone else's baby or play with anyone else's kid. It's not like they are puppies. I will make more fuss over a puppy than a baby any day. But I love my kids. They are the center of my world. I wouldn't trade my life with them for anything.

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 minutes ago, Baxter said:

Yes, I am one of those people. Other people's kids are fine. But I'm not eager to hold anyone else's baby or play with anyone else's kid. It's not like they are puppies. I will make more fuss over a puppy than a baby any day. But I love my kids. They are the center of my world. I wouldn't trade my life with them for anything.

I tend to make a bigger fuss over people’s cats! I just love all cats. But there are some kids that I don’t much care for. It’s mostly the kids with a mean streak that I don’t much care for. But I still like cats with mean streaks 🤣

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Teri and Steve aren't young, and constant babysitting interaction is tiring. I know one grandma who adores her grandkids, but couldn't handle all of the babysitting her kids wanted her to do. It seems reasonable to set boundaries. It's also depends on how many grandchildren. Steve and Teri have 18 so far with 12 nearby. That's a lot of kids. 

[DJ1234]

As a young mom I was always thrilled to have my kids spend time with their grandparents.  But 30 minutes isn't enough time for a young mom to do anything (nap, errand, read a book, relax with a cup of tea).  Make it at least 2 hours, preferably an entire afternoon.  

Edited December 12, 2022 by DJ1234

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m lucky my grandparents were fairly young. When I was born, they were all between the ages of 48-52. This meant that they did have the energy to let us stay the night at their house often. But they had plenty of stuff for us to do. We would go swim in their pool or play some game like kickball or hide and seek in their big open field. They just had to make sure we didn’t get hurt. They never had to entertain us. We entertained ourselves. 

[Bastet]

On 12/7/2022 at 8:37 PM, noseybutt said:

It’s the pre arranged 15 (30) minute increments that make me laugh. So bizarre given how unpredictable kids can be.

Also. Completely inappropriate but I would really like to know if Steve and Teri schedule(d) their sex lives accordingly? That would be an article worth reading.

  They most certainly did. No question. And it didn’t take more than that basic 15 minute block. (I know I’m 😈, but Lori said it first—just ten minutes and lube.)

[Gobsmacked]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m lucky my grandparents were fairly young. When I was born, they were all between the ages of 48-52. This meant that they did have the energy to let us stay the night at their house often. But they had plenty of stuff for us to do. We would go swim in their pool or play some game like kickball or hide and seek in their big open field. They just had to make sure we didn’t get hurt. They never had to entertain us. We entertained ourselves. 

My Nana had a huge garden when we where young. There as a swing tied to a huge tree and my aunts childhood bikes to play with. We kept ourselves entertained for hours. Nana fed us, checked we were safe but never entertained us. Children entertained themselves in the 1960’s! 

[Hane]

I dunno—I’m 70, the same age group as Stevehovah and Teri, and I’d have no problem with the presence of young kids, providing they weren’t absolute hellions.

[JermajestyDuggar]

27 minutes ago, Gobsmacked said:

My Nana had a huge garden when we where young. There as a swing tied to a huge tree and my aunts childhood bikes to play with. We kept ourselves entertained for hours. Nana fed us, checked we were safe but never entertained us. Children entertained themselves in the 1960’s! 

This was the 80s and early 90s for us. And back then, we entertained ourselves too. 

[Coconut Flan]

29 minutes ago, Hane said:

I dunno—I’m 70, the same age group as Stevehovah and Teri, and I’d have no problem with the presence of young kids, providing they weren’t absolute hellions.

I am the same age as Steve.  I only have two grandchildren, but I go stay at their house quite often.  Lately I've basically been living with them 1/3 of the time.  I keep the kids regularly so the parents can have a break and it causes me no problems.  The other grandmother now is only willing to take one at a time unless it's only an hour or two.  She complicated her life by buying a hyperactive puppy.  Two kids and a hyper puppy can get chaotic and draining.  

[SassyPants]

I am in my mid 60s and have 1 granddaughter. She is likely the only one I’ll ever have (at least that’s what my kids say). Since she lives in another country/continent, I do not have daily contact. When we visit, which is about 3-4 times a year, our days are intense. It’s fun, but exhausting since she is an only child, and expects us to play (cards, games, Barbies, swim, on the trampoline, skate, hopscotch, board games.) Holy Moly. Arts and crafts, paint, glitter…at my house I set her up outside, weather permitting, with all her stuff (glue, slime, paint, pens, papers, recycled goods, hot glue gun (she’s 8.5 years) and let her create. We also take her hiking, a lot. Anything.to tire.her.out. Her parents are anti-screens.

[Alisamer]

On 12/7/2022 at 8:30 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

My good friend’s mother sort of acts like Teri as a grandmother. But she’s a retired school teacher. So it makes sense. So she always has these planned activities. She never just “hangs out” with the kids. They always have a scheduled activity. Even when they were just toddlers. The kids enjoy the activities. But when I was little, my grandparents didn’t really schedule stuff like that. My cousins and siblings and I would all go to their house and play outside and watch movies. My grandparents rarely had anything planned for when we came over. 

My grandparents didn't have planned things, either. With one set, we'd go over and just kind of hang out mostly. Sometimes they'd hand us a basketball since they still had a goal up in the driveway when I was young. The adults would talk with the TV on and we'd sit in the floor and play Barbies or read or whatever. There were 3 of us so it worked out that we could occupy ourselves. 

The other grandparents were right next door, so it was much more casual. I remember they spent a lot of time sitting out under the shade trees in the summer, so we'd run over and see them whenever. We also spent a lot of time with grandma "breaking beans" - we grew lots and lots of green beans and would sit with her and string and break the beans watching the world go by and talking, then we'd can them all. 

[browngrl]

I am not a grandmother but on occasion (eg emergencies or when there is no other option) I am called upon to provide childcare for friends/family. I have neither the interest or ability to care for children, so what I do is to relentlessly organize and structure the time. It's my way of dealing with a situation I don't like but which I still have to do while at the same time providing a safe/comfortable and hopefully fun time for the children. It has worked well me. 

I think Teri is similar. In her heart she really does not want young children around her. In a non fundie world she would have stopped with the pre-vasectomy bunch or perhaps not had children at all. However, in the fundie world motherhood is the only "job" options for her and she'd best like it. For someone who loves children this will be a comfortable fit and for someone who doesn't like this but has no other options what do you do? Relentless organize and limit child interactions to a set time period.