Bro. Gary Hawkins 15: Not Sweet Fellowshipping with JRod - Yet

[MayMay1123]

2 hours ago, smittykins said:

What is “cawoose” supposed to be? ?‍♀️ 

Cause... caw-oose in bro speak

[Xan]

Maybe I'm just noticing this but Gary has seemed to mention his old hero preachers more lately.  I've looked some of them up and they're just about  what you'd expect.  They're mostly of the shouty variety and most have southern accents.  I haven't found one yet that actually attended a real school of theology.  If you listen to enough of them, you can see what Gary is attempting (but failing) to do.  These preachers might not have been mental giants but they were still brighter and more organized than Gary.  That doesn't mean that any of them are worth a listen.

Jack Wood:  "Preach hellfire and judgment to 'em.  That's the only way you'll get 'em saved!"

Jimmy Robbins:  I can't find a sermon but his hair was very interesting.  

Spoiler

Harold Leake:  This guy's routine is making up songs.  He starts singing around 2:32.  It's a particularly annoying song.  I'm sure Gary would think this was the height of hilarity.

Spoiler

 

 

Billy Kelly:  "(King) David's face got as red as a turkey gobbler's snout."  Billy was extra-shouty and occasionally almost sounds like he's screaming.

Lester Roloff:  "God's mighty good!"  This guy founded teen homes across the south.  It was discovered that the girls in his "Rebekah Homes" were being physically abused and he finally was forced to shut them down.  He was a real piece of work.

Peter Ruckman:  I'm watching this guy preach, someone in the audience makes a sound of disagreement, and Ruckman says, "Blow it out your nose, fella."  Most people on the internet agree that Ruckman was crude and abrasive.  He admitted to physically abusing one of his wives (he had three) and marrying a young woman who had been married to one of his students.

Also, Gary says his dad was a missionary.  Was he really a missionary or was he just a traveling evangelist like Gary?  I can't find much about him anywhere.

 

Edited September 11, 2020 by Xan

[thoughtful]

11 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Then... he's going to go back to working?

8 hours ago, smittykins said:

What is “cawoose” supposed to be? ?‍♀️ 

Sorry - thought I'd connected it to the fact that Gary's theme about there being a "cause." That's how he pronounces it,

I hope it doesn't seem like I'm mocking Gary's accent. I know lots of people with various southern US accents, including some of my more intelligent, loving relatives.

It's just that Gary over-exaggerates so much of his pronunciation, and I think he purposely goes to extremes to seem like a good ol' country boy.

 

51 minutes ago, Xan said:

Maybe I'm just noticing this but Gary has seemed to mention his old hero preachers more lately.

He's done it pretty consistently for as long as I've listened to him - I just don't always mention it in recaps.

I imagine he watches old videos online, and has recently added listening to them while he takes his walks.

And yeah, they were dicks. But they were dicks who could construct actual sentences in English.

[EyesOpen]

So... I might be missing something because I rarely can watch whole videos of my good friend Bro... but in my former church... well a lot of things were different.  There, the pastor always ended the sermon and service with explaining that if you haven’t accepted Jesus in to your heart that you could do so right now. You can stay in your seat and pray with us or come forward and an alter worker can pray with you... now is the time... etc

does... Gary ever give an alter call or invite people to be saved? Or is it just the death and fire bit?

[Dana723]

18 minutes ago, EyesOpen said:

So... I might be missing something because I rarely can watch whole videos of my good friend Bro... but in my former church... well a lot of things were different.  There, the pastor always ended the sermon and service with explaining that if you haven’t accepted Jesus in to your heart that you could do so right now. You can stay in your seat and pray with us or come forward and an alter worker can pray with you... now is the time... etc

does... Gary ever give an alter call or invite people to be saved? Or is it just the death and fire bit?

I think he's done a few altar calls, but mostly I think Bro Gary just likes to stand up there and spew his own ignorant beliefs. 

[PumaLover]

On 9/6/2020 at 10:37 PM, thoughtful said:

Gary's pronunciation of Philistine got to me:

Gary, get a cluuuue!

FLISteens, meet the FLISteens
They're an ancient nationality!
From the book of Samuel,
But, to Gary they’re a mystery.

David rattled big Goliath’s bones,
Through the courtesy of five smooth stones.
Gary, don’t say “FLISteens,”
Oh, please, Gary get a clue, nerd,
Don’t say that name slurred,
Learn to pronounce that word!

 

Thank you for this. It's 3:15 in the morning and after a very very difficult week this gave me the laugh I needed.

also I'm typing without my glasses and my autocorrect tried to change "very" to "beefy" which is funny since I've been a vegetarian for 25-ish years.

[PumaLover]

On 9/7/2020 at 10:38 AM, thoughtful said:

Becky is so noble, so helpful in these times of trial - I just want to cry. Or maybe do something else with my eyes.

Sorry for the double post but for those of us who have evacuated and many of my friends don't have homes to go back to, or don't know if they do, getting a fun little stash of Tupperware doesn't mean shit. We definitely need something good to focus on. My friend is a volunteer firefighter and she posted a video of her street, showing which of her neighbors' houses made it and the ones that did not. She still does not know if their home is standing.

The GOOD in these times is actually donating cash money to those in need. Thankfully I am not in need, and am donating to those in our community who are.

[FiveAcres]

4 hours ago, PumaLover said:

Sorry for the double post but for those of us who have evacuated and many of my friends don't have homes to go back to, or don't know if they do, getting a fun little stash of Tupperware doesn't mean shit. We definitely need something good to focus on. My friend is a volunteer firefighter and she posted a video of her street, showing which of her neighbors' houses made it and the ones that did not. She still does not know if their home is standing.

The GOOD in these times is actually donating cash money to those in need. Thankfully I am not in need, and am donating to those in our community who are.

One of the most loathsome things about MLMs is how they try to turn disasters into selling opportunities. 

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, PumaLover said:

 I'm typing without my glasses and my autocorrect tried to change "very" to "beefy" which is funny since I've been a vegetarian for 25-ish years.

For a vegetarian, a beefy beefy week would be awful! "Stop shoving dead cow at me - I don't eat it!"

As for altar calls, I'm not sure we can have an accurate sense of how often Gary does them. The videos usually cut off before the end of a service, sometimes before Gary is even done preaching or mumbling his final prayer. So, for lots, maybe most, there may have been an altar call that we just don't see.

He may be following the tradition of whatever church he is in. He, or his hosts, may make a distinction between Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening and revival services, and do altar calls for some but not all of those events. Gary hasn't been the Sunday school preacher for many videos that I've seen, but, when he is, I assume there wouldn't be an altar call after those, since Sunday service follows so closely after.

I think we can see some of his attitude towards them, and how they should be done, though. When he is the person calling, he is usually more belligerent than inviting, like he's issuing a dare in a bar. He swaggers about, knocking back swigs from his water bottle like it was a beer, yelling things like "Anybody?"

He sometimes puts his jacket back on, as if saying "I'm ready to leave - if you're gonna get saved, get up here and get 'er done."

For all we know, there may have been people who felt convicted by the spirit, but were afraid to come any closer to that raging schmuck. I wonder if Gary "saves" more women than men, because they get to go over to the side where Becky will join them.

He has a regular routine, often included in his messages, about people coming up for an altar call  who don't leave their problems at the altar for Jesus to solve. So he may be intimidating some people from coming up for fear of doing it wrong somehow.

I don't think Gary is capable of putting out his message gently and hoping or praying for results. His attitude seems to be "I've told you people to believe so you won't burn in Hell - what's wrong with you? Get your unsaved asses up here - pronto! And you saved people who just want to ask for help from Jesus had better leave that problem up here, or else."

Not very inviting.

[thoughtful]

Gary, being Gary (possibly with spelling help from Becky or Jacob)

Spoiler

He's mentioned wanting to do this in several messages. I hope he does it with that exact spelling, if he gets any takers. Then nobody will understand it.

Gary - theirs, not there's.

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Becky posted about her birthday, which was yesterday:

Spoiler

It was also Gary's parents' 50th anniversary:

Spoiler

 

[Black Aliss]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He may be following the tradition of whatever church he is in. He, or his hosts, may make a distinction between Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening and revival services, and do altar calls for some but not all of those events. Gary hasn't been the Sunday school preacher for many videos that I've seen, but, when he is, I assume there wouldn't be an altar call after those, since Sunday service follows so closely after.

In the fundie church of my childhood a visiting preacher who issued an altar call at the end of the Sunday morning service would have invited the wrath of the congregation. Crockpots had not yet been invented, and a service that ran past 11:45 would have meant a lot of burned roasts. Altar calls were for Sunday and Wednesday evening services.

[Ozlsn]

11 hours ago, FiveAcres said:

One of the most loathsome things about MLMs is how they try to turn disasters into selling opportunities. 

Oh yeah. A woman I follow on Facebook who just started getting into one of these has been invited to "share her story" at their annual convention - and I am just amazed that she can't see that they are using her story as essentially a disaster porn marketing opportunity. I'm slightly curious to see how they manage to imply their product aided her, although I can guess.

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He, or his hosts, may make a distinction between Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening and revival services,

Ok, lapsed anglo-Protestant here.. just how many services per week do these guys have? And is that on top of Bible study and other groups? I used to hate altar calls at my friends' evangelical church, the pressure to go up felt immense.

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

And you saved people who just want to ask for help from Jesus had better leave that problem up here, or else."

I would not trust Gary not to use anything he overheard or that was said to him as material for a sermon, and definitely wouldn't trust him to blur identifying details.

[FloraKitty35]

On 9/11/2020 at 4:36 PM, Xan said:

Jimmy Robbins:  I can't find a sermon but his hair was very interesting.  

Damn, that hair gives off some serious Gary Oldman as Dracula vibes.

Spoiler

 

Edited September 13, 2020 by FloraKitty35

[smittykins]

11 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Ok, lapsed anglo-Protestant here.. just how many services per week do these guys have? And is that on top of Bible study and other groups? I used to hate altar calls at my friends' evangelical church, the pressure to go up felt immense.

Many “fundegelical” churches have three(Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening).  As I’ve learned from the “Stuff Fundies Like” blog, there’s often an expectation to be there every time the doors are open, and “three to thrive” is a common saying. My former church has the three services, and although attendance on Sunday and Wednesday nights was encouraged, there was no pressure.

(I’ve read that it wasn’t uncommon for public schools in the Bible Belt to not schedule events or even give homework on Wednesday nights, on the assumption that everyone would be at church.)

ETA:  This video from Stuff Fundies Like, parodying “Just As I Am,” references altar calls and also mentions “three to thrive”:

 

Edited September 13, 2020 by smittykins

[thoughtful]

Let's quit making our way to Saved them.

It takes the drawing of the LORD.

Edited September 13, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[FeministShrew]

Oh, Jimmy Robbins! He was a piece of work. I used to see him around town when I was growing up. He & his wife always wore red, & both drove big red Cadillacs. Brother Jimmy also always wore expensive custom-made red leather cowboy boots. They built a mini-mansion on a country road surrounded by either peach orchards or normal houses. It looked like a mini-Southfork from Dallas. One of my mom's friends went to his church, and she said all the furniture and drapes in the house were red velvet, the carpet was white shag, the bathrooms were marble with gold-plated fixtures, & there were huge crystal chandeliers everywhere. (When her alcoholic husband was beating her, Rev. Jimmy told her it was her fault and she had to stay married. She did, until her husband committed suicide.)

The good reverend was also a customer at the dry cleaners (owned by my brother-in-law) where I worked as a teenager. He always insisted on a "pastor's discount." He and his wife were very haughty & condescending.

He started a second church, Liberty Baptist,  for his son to run. It was across the county from his church, Mountain View Baptist, and it was expected the son would eventually "inherit" Mountain View. That didn't happen, but I've never heard why.

Mountain View also runs a Christian school, and I've heard lots of awful stories about it, especially under Jimmy's watch. It's weird because many of the students are not from IFB families. I don't know if their parents see it as prestigious (only one secular private school in the area & its hard to get into & expensive), or just think anything is better than evil public school. 
https://mountainviewcowpens.org/
The church is is very political, as you can see from their big sign along Interstate 85:

Spoiler

https://www.foxcarolina.com/news/upstate-church-puts-shame-on-her-sign-up-after-pelosi-tore-up-pres-trumps-state/article_765065aa-4859-11ea-bc0e-c78d63bfe03c.html

 

Edited September 13, 2020 by FeministShrew
Added link & photo

[Xan]

Oh dear.  Gary's back to videoing from the truck.  They're on their way to Pennsylvania.  Today he's singing and giving commentary to a song on the radio.  I think it's called "He Has".  Gary is singing along a little but mostly he's repeating what he thinks are the key words.  "He's been faithful.  Amen?"  "What a God we serve.  What a God.  What a God.  WHAT A GOD WE SERVE!"  "He's conquered death, hell, and the grave.  Hay-man!"  "Jesus is the only way.  Jesus is the only answer.  JESUS IS THE ONLY ONE! THE ALPHA, THE OMEGA, THE BEGINNING AND THE END!"  "One of these days, all these governors and politicians will bow down to him.  Amen?"

He plays the song through twice and, somehow, manages to work in his usual "There's a heaven to gain and a hell to shun."  Gary Hawkins:  Attempting to convert people one mangled song at a time.  I'm afraid he's going to meet his maker a bit sooner than he planned if he keeps filming while he drives.

Becky needs to buy him a new hat.  The one he's wearing today is starting to look pretty pathetic.  The left side rolls up while the right side  stays about the same.  My theory is that the hat is trying to escape his head.

Spoiler

 

[Scrappinmac]

In my fairly fundie years, the pastor of the church would be the one to give the invitation/altar call, not the visiting preacher. Sunday morning and Sunday night, not usually Wednesday night.

I remember one visiting missionary who preached and gave the invitation (the regular pastor was out of town). He was practically begging people to walk down the aisle to commit to becoming a missionary. Like 10-15 minutes long. One of the assistant pastors finally went up to close the service, and that missionary wasn't allowed to preach at our church again.

[thoughtful]

Gary was at Hunter's Creek Bible Baptist Church this morning. The pastor says that, " unlike what the state of California says, God says come before His presence with singing."

Gary yells AMEN!

They sing Stand Up for Jesus (with piano and cymbal accompaniment - the cymbal sometimes sounds on a main beat, sometimes rather randomly). A flute joins them for He Lives and Saved!

The pastor reads a really pissy obnoxious letter from a missionary in South Africa about the ingrates in a crowded taxi who didn't want a tract and how she reamed them out, told them nobody loved them, but Jesus did, and died for them, after which they took tracts.

Really, the first 17 minutes or so of this video are worth watching, just for the LOLs during the music, followed by the WTF of this missionary letter. I can't do it justice.

Spoiler

 

He tells a story about being with two other men in Guadalajara, stepping from roof to roof on houses built in a hillside. All three of them stopped at once, and one went right through the roof of someone's home. He "waved to the people sitting in their living room, 'Sorry!' Y'know, big gaping hole in it, but, uh, waved a $5 bill at them, and they were happy, like 'Thank you - bye!' That was all it took was $5, amen."

Their current missionary in Guadalajara, BTW, is named Michael Myers.

After collection and a prayer, they slaughter Holy Holy Holy. At least the cymbal player stays out of this one.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+15%3A51-57&version=KJV

Gary does OK reading this, except for the very beginning:

KJV: Behold I shew you a mystery
BGV: Behold I shew you a misery

Gary does a rather subdued version of his usual spew about all of us dying and going to Heaven (if we're saved). Nothing new. It's very short for a Bro Gary message.

More end-times stuff from the pastor, then an altar call to Victory in Jesus (no cymbal).

The pastor tells them that, if they have an offering for Gary, to wave it in the air (maybe he wants Gary to fix a roof), and they all sing Amazing Grace (no cymbal).

 

[thoughtful]

There were actually two truck videos today. This one was a few hours before the one Xan told us about.

Gary tells us that he "ate Greek" for what he thought was the first time, but Becky told him he'd had a dish before. It was different, but good.

Thanks for endangering everyone on the road to tell us that.

They're headed for Falling Waters WV for a camp meeting.

Gary's GPS tells him to turn left on (I am not kidding) West Blood Road. Yes, blood even shows up in his driving routes.

Spoiler

He tells us he needs a place to stay somewhere around Williamsport PA tonight.

 

[Xan]

52 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

They sing Stand Up for Jesus (with piano and cymbal accompaniment - the cymbal sometimes sounds on a main beat, sometimes rather randomly). A flute joins them for He Lives and Saved!

The pastor reads a really pissy obnoxious letter from a missionary in South Africa about the ingrates in a crowded taxi who didn't want a tract and how she reamed them out, told them nobody loved them, but Jesus did, and died for them, after which they took tracts.

Really, the first 17 minutes or so of this video are worth watching, just for the LOLs during the music, followed by the WTF of this missionary letter. I can't do it justice.

He tells a story about being with two other men in Guadalajara, stepping from roof to roof on houses built in a hillside. All three of them stopped at once, and one went right through the roof of someone's home. He "waved to the people sitting in their living room, 'Sorry!' Y'know, big gaping hole in it, but, uh, waved a $5 bill at them, and they were happy, like 'Thank you - bye!' That was all it took was $5, amen."

 

The pastor tells them that, if they have an offering for Gary, to wave it in the air (maybe he wants Gary to fix a roof), and they all sing Amazing Grace (no cymbal).

 

Thank you, thoughtful.  I actually really enjoyed the beginning of the video although not in the way they intended.  The random cymbal was really funny.  They didn't sing "Stand Up for Jesus" the way I had heard it so then I had to track down the other version.  It's better but, sadly, there is no cymbal.

Spoiler

 

And, holy shit, the missionary told the people on the bus that they were wicked and evil and she hoped they went to Hell??  Lady, you're just lucky you exited that bus alive.  And Gary, of course, laughed at that story.  Evil little turd.

I couldn't listen to Gary for very long.  Bless you for doing that for us.  I found a part when he was talking about Heaven, "We're going to eat all we want to and never worry about getting fat."  (You're not going to have a body there, Gary.  I don't think eating is a heavenly activity.)   And, "Hey, listen,...hey, I'm gonna have a new body and a new home."  (Nope.)   And he thinks he going to be over chatting up John the Baptist.  (Hope you know Aramaic, dude.)  He does fantasize about Heaven quite a lot.  If it helps, Gar, I'm looking forward to you going there myself. 

Edited September 14, 2020 by Xan

[thoughtful]

55 minutes ago, Xan said:

  I found a part when he was talking about Heaven, "We're going to eat all we want to and never worry about getting fat."  (You're not going to have a body there, Gary.  I don't think eating is a heavenly activity.)  

Gary absolutely believes he will have a body, clothes, and a mansion in Heaven. He includes looking forward to the Chahnese and Mexican food in many of his messages, as well as reaching down into the River of Life, and coming up with a fish already frahhd and ready to eat!

His heavenly body will not have Arthur Ahtis, and his mansion will not have rats, or them bugs that eat houses.

What's the matter with you, @Xan - don't you know that Gary is an expert on Heaven?

Oh, and I knew the tune you posted (Webb) for Stand Up better than the one they sang (Geibel), as well.

https://hymnary.org/text/stand_up_stand_up_for_jesus_duffield

[AmazonGrace]

How the eff is it the River of Life if it has dead fish in it?

[Ozlsn]

9 hours ago, Scrappinmac said:

I remember one visiting missionary who preached and gave the invitation (the regular pastor was out of town). He was practically begging people to walk down the aisle to commit to becoming a missionary. Like 10-15 minutes long. One of the assistant pastors finally went up to close the service, and that missionary wasn't allowed to preach at our church again.

That seems like a big ask - I mean committing your life to Jesus is one thing, but a missionary? Do I have to leave tonight? Do I get training? Who covers the mortgage? What about the kids? Can I bring my cat? Is it a set time, or do I need to resign my job? 

Yeah I can see why everyone stayed silent.

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The pastor reads a really pissy obnoxious letter from a missionary in South Africa about the ingrates in a crowded taxi who didn't want a tract and how she reamed them out, told them nobody loved them, but Jesus did, and died for them, after which they took tracts.

Everyone play nice with the crazy lady, and hopefully she'll get out next...

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He tells a story about being with two other men in Guadalajara, stepping from roof to roof on houses built in a hillside. All three of them stopped at once, and one went right through the roof of someone's home. He "waved to the people sitting in their living room, 'Sorry!' Y'know, big gaping hole in it, but, uh, waved a $5 bill at them, and they were happy, like 'Thank you - bye!' That was all it took was $5, amen."

Er... it costs more than $5 to fix a roof, even in a low income area. What an arsehole. 

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

KJV: Behold I shew you a mystery
BGV: Behold I shew you a misery

Yep, that'd be the BGV. Blood, more blood, even more blood and misery. And gloating, let's not forget the gloating.

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The pastor tells them that, if they have an offering for Gary, to wave it in the air (maybe he wants Gary to fix a roof), and they all sing Amazing Grace (no cymbal).

"Will this make him leave?" "Wave harder!!"

*clash!*

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

his mansion will not have rats, or them bugs that eat houses

I am also in favour of heavenly mansions without bugs and termites. And without snakes, 'kthxbye.

 

6 hours ago, Xan said:

I found a part when he was talking about Heaven, "We're going to eat all we want to and never worry about getting fat."

To be fair, this is a popular version of heaven, and one I often subscribe to...