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nelliebelle1197

Bro. Gary Hawkins 15: Not Sweet Fellowshipping with JRod - Yet

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Ozlsn
48 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

ETA - I did look to see if Facebook was removing those posts, as Twitter did. I only found one person claiming such a post had been removed, but that could be the answer as to why it is gone.

https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/kansas/articles/2020-09-02/senate-candidate-marshall-slams-facebook-virus-censorship

Not sure what concerns me more, that he claims to be a physician or that he's running for public office.  Probably the latter - he can harm a lot more people if he gets in.

So if Gary gets hit by a truck it's the type 2 diabetes that killed him, right?

Honestly, I don't understand what is so hard about understanding that pre-existing conditions can leave you more vulnerable to a virus that then kills you, but given the popularity of the "it was the pre-existing condition that killed them!" trope I'm going to guess that for some people it's a complicated idea.

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thoughtful
46 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

Honestly, I don't understand what is so hard about understanding that pre-existing conditions can leave you more vulnerable to a virus that then kills you, but given the popularity of the "it was the pre-existing condition that killed them!" trope I'm going to guess that for some people it's a complicated idea.

I think it's a 1-2 punch of stupidity and looking for some way to make it all about politics. They need to find a Deep State Left Wing Conspiracy to Kill Christianity and Stop Uneducated White Folks from Being The Kings of Everything (dun dun dun!).

A stupid, biased person searching for an "aha!" in the fine print is a dangerous animal.

 

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FeministShrew

This morning after my husband left for work I dreamed I was dating Gary.

Hubby leaves at 6 am & I always fall back asleep & have the weirdest alternate universe dreams! This one was super complicated (well, they all are), and impossible to describe, but toward the end I was at a family reunion with a new romantic partner who suddenly turned into Bro Gary. At least he looked like Gary, but he wasn't as obnoxious & hateful, just socially awkward & clueless.
Thankfully my cats woke me up at that point. 

Most churches around here cancelled VBS, but a lot still had it. 

I was curious about the Southern Baptist church which was the last church I attended/belonged to. Looks like they didn't have VBS this year. Apparently they started having in-person services again May 17th, but in the "Family Life Center" (big gym) with social distancing, and only on Sunday mornings. They announced just last week that they had to suspend in-person services for at least the next few weeks because two regular attendees tested positive for Covid-19. 
Surprisingly, the church that my old fundie-lite pastor started (the one who Bro Gary reminds me of) has not held in-person services since March. I'm shocked because he always insisted that there was no reason for not attending church unless you were in the hospital.
 

Most IFB,  Southern Baptist, & non-denom mega churches here rushed to reopen. I recently drove through Greer, SC, and Greer First Presbyterian has huge banners that say, "For the Sake of Greer, We Will Wait."

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thoughtful

Go to the poles and vote biblically (or dance - your choice).

Gary wants "to be able to oh my God" - in church, no less! TMI, Gary!

And what's with the "I more coming away from the Democratic party" shit, Gary? You've never been anywhere near it!

image.png.bbb71ff97b841e493a2019f76dca1de1.png

 

Spoiler

image.png.a6264959af8394bc93144352cb59aa84.png

 

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zeebaneighba
On 9/2/2020 at 10:03 PM, Ozlsn said:

Not sure what concerns me more, that he claims to be a physician or that he's running for public office.  Probably the latter - he can harm a lot more people if he gets in.

So if Gary gets hit by a truck it's the type 2 diabetes that killed him, right?

Honestly, I don't understand what is so hard about understanding that pre-existing conditions can leave you more vulnerable to a virus that then kills you, but given the popularity of the "it was the pre-existing condition that killed them!" trope I'm going to guess that for some people it's a complicated idea.

Not only is he a physician, he's an ob/gyn.  His opponent is also a physician.  I really, really hope she wins.

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Ozlsn

"I will not have a probably tell you..."

Gary, are you sure English is your first language?

Also "still for America and Israel". Uh.. you know Israel's a separate country, right? Not ruled by Donald Trump? They have their own interests that don't always align with America's? Also have socialist healthcare?

Honestly "Go to the poles and vote biblically" and "allows us to be able to oh my GOD and be in church" are my new favourite Gary needlepoint slogans.

 

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wallysmommy

Could Gary even find Israel on a map?  Or would he say it's a Democratic conspiracy and Israel was erased from world maps.

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MayMay1123

The drummer at my old church had an oh my god in church...with the teenage singer...and got caught in the act by the pastor. Yeah, they both left...it was quite the scandal. Is this what bro hawk meant? 

 

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thoughtful
6 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

The drummer at my old church had an oh my god in church...with the teenage singer...and got caught in the act by the pastor. Yeah, they both left...it was quite the scandal. Is this what bro hawk meant? 

 

My first thought was Shirley Jones in Elmer Gantry:

 

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Xan
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

 

 

Hey, thoughtful -- are you online now?  You are so much better at Bro Gary than I am and he just posted a short video on his Facebook page from whatever church he's in tonight.  It's a musical performance and the reception is spotty.  During the first number he whistles along (honest to God -- he's sitting there whistling) and shouts a few "Hay-mans".  During the second number he sings along and he can't get either the words or the tune right.  I actually laughed out loud.

You may want to go check it out.

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thoughtful

Thanks, @Xan. I can't seem to get the video to play, darn it. Will try again later or tomorrow.

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Xan
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Thanks, @Xan. I can't seem to get the video to play, darn it. Will try again later or tomorrow.

Sorry.  Don't feel like you have to do a recap.  I just thought it was amusing.  I got it to open up on Facebook pretty quickly but I have no idea how to import it here (or if that's allowed).

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thoughtful
40 minutes ago, Xan said:

Sorry.  Don't feel like you have to do a recap.  I just thought it was amusing.  I got it to open up on Facebook pretty quickly but I have no idea how to import it here (or if that's allowed).

Oh, I wanted to see it for myself!

I finally got it to play. They are now at Bethel Baptist Church in Kings Ferry, as are Brother Henry and his fiddle.

There are two videos now. The first starts with two people singing The Old Fashioned Way. It's clearly meant to be a special, and yes, Gary whistles and yells Amen (despite everyone else listening quietly).

One of the singers announces the next song, and I swear he says "Olive Grills My Soul." But it turns out to be All That Thrills My Soul, and all are invited to sing this time. And @Xan is right - Gary sort of groans along, picking up a word here and there, and switching octaves back and forth.

Second video - Brother Henry and his fiddle:

Old Rugged Cross (a favorite of Gary's, of course) is first.

Then a long wait while Henry can't seem to find his next number. They finally figure it out  - Still Sweeter Every Day, which Henry rips into like a college fight song (which is tempting with this one, as you can tell from this performance - er, special - I found online):

Rah, rah, sis boom bah! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

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thoughtful

There's a third video, on Becky's Facebook, from tonight. It looks like it was supposed to be a somewhat casual sing-fest, not a service.

Brother Henry and a pianist play His Eye Is on the Sparrow, and Gary tries to sing and whistle along with some of it - the whistle isn't an attempt at the tune this time, but a "bird" sound effect. What's your inspiration here, Gary? Jesus? Spike Jones? Al Jolson?

I love that hymn, and hung this cartoon up in the music office at my church choir job - probably theologically problematic, but very appropriate from the choir director!

Spoiler

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Gary whistles along with the next one, as well, interspersed with singing - Springs of Living Water. Then he calls out "Can y'all do 194?" Henry is not sure what that is (hymnals and songbooks seem to vary in these churches), so Becky, sounding amused, calls out "It's Gary, so it's Ye Must Be Borned Agin!"

The last line of the refrain is "I verily verily say unto thee, ye must be born again." Gary sings "I merrily merrily pray unto thee, ye must be borned again."

If it was anyone else, I'd figure that "merrily" was a joke remembered from childhood, and that Gary was being silly on purpose - the music is a jig, which lends itself to such fun. But who knows if he's actually aware of the correct lyrics in what is obviously a favorite hymn? He doesn't seem to know the words to the verses.

They sing Amazing Grace. Gary tries all kinds of flourishes. The video cuts off mid-song.

 

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smittykins

Yikes, he’s now in the next county.  I notice the church website doesn’t mention Sunday school; I wonder if it’s one of those family integrated churches or just one whose congregation skews older.  

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Black Aliss
On 8/27/2020 at 1:36 PM, thoughtful said:

It was even more amazing the way he did it. I really can't do his sounds and movements justice in words.

I need to find out if there is a way to isolate, keep, and combine clips from Facebook videos. A Bro Gary compilation (or maybe two - funny ones and offensive ones kept separate as much as possible) would be a treasure.

There is a way, but I'm guessing you have to first download GHaw's videos and re-upload them as your own (unlisted, obv) before splicing

https://www.cnet.com/how-to/how-to-use-youtubes-video-editor/

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Dana723
14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

One of the singers announces the next song, and I swear he says "Olive Grills My Soul." But it turns out to be All That Thrills My Soul, and all are invited to sing this time. And @Xan is right - Gary sort of groans along, picking up a word here and there, and switching octaves back and forth.

Yes, but was it the good Olive Grill?

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Black Aliss
1 hour ago, Dana723 said:
Quote

One of the singers announces the next song, and I swear he says "Olive Grills My Soul." But it turns out to be All That Thrills My Soul, and all are invited to sing this time. 

Yes, but was it the good Olive Grill?

I thought it was Olive, the other reindeer. I'm so confused. . .

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thoughtful

Apparently Gary is writing a theme song for the title credits of a children's TV show:

VBS presents: The Time Machine! (music) Mr. Kliven! (music) Mrs. Bella! (music) One Saved! (music) and some new Children!

The Time Machine will return after this word from our sponsor. Stay tuned!

image.png.8301d3ab52d0214087c29c86afbbb7bd.png

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Jasmar

Man, what I wouldn’t give to see Gary and Jill “performing” at the same revival! That would be EPIC.

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thoughtful

What makes you think the LORD will come for you? Get your ass and your money to church!

image.png.53ad27fa95e608a54982de4c6e9668c2.png

The congregation sings When I See the Blood. Another very bloody hymn for our collection. This whole post is about what the pastor of this church says before Gary even gets to start. But he is as wacky as Bro Gary, so I couldn't resist preserving it for posterity.

The pastor is a quiet speaker. He exhorts them about the blood, and Jesus being their best friend, and how he may or may not have trained up his son right, but the son is grown and married, so there's nothing he can do now - the souls of his grandchildren are his son's responsibility now (wonder if the son is there, or someone who will carry that message to him, to make sure he knows his father was laying on the guilt about something). 

Gary "Amens" repeatedly, and even throws in a groan of "Oh, God."

Then the pastor gets into anti-mask shit, and fear that churches will be closed. Someone had called to ask if they wore masks for the Friday sing, and he told them of course not, how do you sing with a mask on? And that's the difference between those who call themselves Christians and those who walk with Christ.

:roll:

He is willing to die or go to jail for Jesus.

"You know how I preach, folks - I use the name of some of these politicians. If they get a hold of it, they come right after me. I already had it done to me once, threatening my income tax. I supported Forbes - Malcom Forbes for president.  Steve Forbes is his name - Steve Forbes for president, and, uh they honestly came after me, folks. I'm not afraid - I get in their face. I said 'don't tell me what I gotta do, or how I uhuhuhuhuhuh raise my family.' He told me I had to tell my wife to cease and desist."

He goes on to tell them how it was a plot - somebody cheated to keep his wife off of the delegation to the Republican convention in 1996.

Back to Jesus, with lots of Amening from Gary. The pastor rambles on, with a long, long, set-up to warn them that they might disagree with something he's about to say after their Sword Drill, but he looked it up in Webster's dictionary.

Then: "Put your swords up." The "sword" is the Bible, of course.

Spoiler

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I assume they do, and we hear voices saying "Jesus saves."

The Pastor announces 1 Thessalonians 4:16. They repeat that, he says "Charge," and they scramble to find it. Gary finds it and starts to read it, but the pastor tells him they are going to read them all through later.

They repeat this process with Jude 1:9 - Jacob finds it, and the pastor lets him read the beginning of it.

Genesis 16:7, 1 Chronicles 21:20, Isaiah 63:9, 2 Corinthians 11:14, and Galatians 1:8 are all found quickly.

Gary is now allowed to read 1 Thessalonians 4:16, and he actually manages it. Jacob reads through the ones he found when they come up again, and his reading, while not as careless as his father's, is hesitant.

The pastor says there are two themes to these readings, angels and something I couldn't hear, and announces one more reading - Revelation 19:17. Gary finds it, reads it, and, when the Pastor says that supper is coming up, says a heartfelt AMEN.

They sing Springs of Living Water and Rescue the Perishing. The latter was written by Fanny Crosby. Did you know she was blind, and did not write Amazing Grace?

The pastor tells us about how he was saved, some of which I can't hear because of Becky and Gary noise. Somehow he gets to telling us he looked up the word archangel in the 1828 Webster's. Ah, finally - the follow-up to the Sword Drill.

And then he had to find Scripture to figure out what he'd read in the dictionary.

And I have a work appointment, but shall return!

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Dana723
6 hours ago, Jasmar said:

Man, what I wouldn’t give to see Gary and Jill “performing” at the same revival! That would be EPIC.

We could take bets on who would out-sing over who!

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thoughtful

Back to the preaching stylings of Pastor LiGreci, who has some other icky friends besides Bro Gary:

Spoiler

image.png.8c16174885522fff9e06d4d82368b80e.png

So, Webster's 1828 defined archangel as an angel of the highest order; an angel occupying the eighth rank in the celestial hierarchy.

So, of course :confusion-shrug: he went to https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=colossians+1%3A16-18&version=KJV

and

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+1%3A21-23&version=KJV

The grouping of the angels (whew - finally he's saying something about angels) was for the heavenly choir, and he slowly intones the list.

And he says someday he's going to preach on it.

But for now, he wants to talk about how our country is not living up to its goal of being a "caahnstitutional" (very Jill-esque pronunciation) republic.

He tells a vague story about a man who tried to create a bank, the bankers didn't like it, he was arrested, told the judge he was within his Constitutional rights, and the judge said "Son, we haven't gone by the Constitution in years."

:wtf:

Render unto Caesar (he says "seizure," just like Gary!), but don't listen when they tell you to stay home, to wear a mask, or not to sing. God wants to see your face as you sing His praises.

God can't see your face if you wear a mask or stay home? Wow - even Superman has x-ray vision, doesn't God?

He says he's wrapping up, but then goes off about seraphim for a while. Except he says "a seraphim" and "seraphims" - I know these guys are all allergic to learning any original Greek or Hebrew, but I wish they'd learn, at least from context, that "seraphim" is already plural - the singular is "seraph."

"Im" (more like "eem" really) is the plural ending for a masculine noun in Hebrew, "Ote" (or "Ose") is the suffix for a feminine noun. But the KJV has it wrong, so I guess they're stuck with it.

They sing I Am Resolved. We are now 45 minutes in, and Gary hasn't even gotten up to preach yet! Ah, here he comes, with Becky and Jacob.

The Hawkinses moan and groan something that I finally figured out was A Love That Won't Stop, based on the few words I could understand. Truly awful, even compared to their usual low standard.

Gary asks them to turn to the 23rd Psalm. How badly could he mess this up? I'm sure he has this memorized, right?

Actually, he does OK - "thou are with me" and "thy rod and thy staff thou comfort me" are his only errors in verse 4, and "anointeth," because he seems incapable of saying the "est" ending, in verse 5.

His theme is Christ is all we need. "We think we need all these thangs, but" and there is a loud clatter as something falls from his belt to the ground.

Spoiler

image.png.b8f2e7db24549dc0b6b8f89f4355a6de.png

It's the battery pack for his clip-on microphone, which pulls the whole thing off of him, and he spends several minutes putting it all back together.

Guess he felt he needed that thang. What's the matter, Gary, Christ can't magnify your voice as you magnify his name?

Christ is the answer to everything, including "the politician world."

He goes on about how hard it is for children when parents divorce, and that it happens because they don't have Christ in the marriage. Great opportunity for an honest testimony about how his first marriage ended, but Gary never goes there.

His daughter just told him that his parents "are fixin' to come up on their 50th year anniversary." Why am I not surprised that Gary had to be told that? I'm sure he'll pitch in with his siblings to throw them a wonderful party. :roll:

Hey, Walmart actually comes up in a new context! He knows a preacher who needed to go get a non-preaching job, and applied at Walmart. "Wha-ah* understand, Walmarts is one of the hardest places to get a job. But he tol' 'em 'ah cain't work on Sunday, and Winsdy we'll be havin' a mid-week service 'n' so ah can work in the daytime but ah cain't work in the evenin' tahm on Winsdy' and they hired him. Ya say wha is that? Because God knew he needed a job, 'n' God knew he needed a job that was gonna work around his church locale - workin' around uh goin' to church and havin' church amen? It's called Christ."

*As far as I can tell from his inflection, I think this was supposed to be "From what I" - really!

"Even in this pandemic tahm," you can find a job if you have Christ. Yeah, and if you actually go look for a job -- hint, hint, Gary.

Somehow that gets us to Lazarus, stinking after four days, again. Oh, it's so Gary can tell us that God wasn't four days late - God is always on time.

Most of the rest is the usual incoherent babble of partial sentences, mentioning John MacArthur's crap, (Gary says the vahris is not a joke, "but they made it a joke" :wtf: ), somebody he knew died, and "on his birth certificate, Covid-19," Coomo and all them governors doin' it wrong, Nancy Pelosio in the White House is not the problem, old-time preachers were better, etc.

In some ways, it's a shame Gary is losing weight, because some of his moves might work for a sumo career.

Spoiler

image.png.dbacefa32b2e5131c91815ae1279f9b2.png image.png.76b8a6a00a161c5c5152d42d83f82d6c.png image.png.e0cf5b56c7075a6210ce553bd38caabe.png image.png.a979d1e9c1c50996b2c07661d9cfe87a.png

 

He comes as close as I've ever heard to admitting why people need to come to church: "And so now hey ya send everybody home and they watch it lahv on Facebook, uh it's all of a sudden everything's free. The light bill - ah mean hey, ya don't have to pay the light bill no more. Ya say wha? Evidently not, 'cause they're not sendin' their money in, and the doors are closed."

"You're supposed to act like a Christian. Now I wanna say somethin' to ya. Come November 3rd, there is gonna be some people that are saved that ain't gon' vote, and then there probably gon' be some people who vote this year that are saved that'll vote Democrat, but there ain't no Christian can do either one, amen? 'Cause a Christian is Christ-like."

When you're saved, God is always with you, even in Walmarts and when you're arguin' with idiots.

Gary says he'll keep preachin' even if the Democrats win, and he'll probably end up in prison, then the electric chair.

:roll:

In the same drama-queen victim role, he regales them with stories of how horribly he's been treated while doorknocking, including the man who asked if he had a license.

Gary goes back to the psalm, gets carried away with the "cup runneth over" metaphor and yells and yells about how God wants to overflow, and keep on overflowing.

And it's a good thing that's near the end, because now I need to go to the loo.

He's ranting about pulling yourself out of depression because Jesus don't like dead people when the video, mercifully, cuts off.

Edited by thoughtful
riffle
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Ozlsn
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He comes as close as I've ever heard to admitting why people need to come to church: "And so now hey ya send everybody home and they watch it lahv on Facebook, uh it's all of a sudden everything's free. The light bill - ah mean hey, ya don't have to pay the light bill no more. Ya say wha? Evidently not, 'cause they're not sendin' their money in, and the doors are closed."

Gary doesn't have a light bill. He is an additional expense on top of the church's light bill. He is an additional expense of top of the congregants light bills. I don't think anyone is sitting at home thinking how wonderful it is that church is now free, when previously you had to pay by the week ffs.

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Great opportunity for an honest testimony about how his first marriage ended, but Gary never goes there.

Yeah Gary, why did your first marriage end? Enquiring minds etc.

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

His theme is Christ is all we need. "We think we need all these thangs, but" and there is a loud clatter as something falls from his belt to the ground.

Ever feel like Christ is pranking you Gary?

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Come November 3rd, there is gonna be some people that are save that ain't gon' vote, and then there probably gon' be some people who vote this year that are saved that'll vote Democrat, but there ain't no Christian can do either one, amen? 'Cause a Christian is Christ-like."

Interesting distinction there between "being saved" and "being Christian". So Gary, can you be saved but not Christian and vice versa? 

Also I am totally sure the middle eastern man with the foreign name and strangely egalitarian ideas would totally be urging you to vote for the racist, corrupt and incompetent candidate. Pharisees FTW, right?

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He's ranting about pulling yourself out of depression because Jesus don't like dead people

WTAF???

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

When you're saved, God is always with you, even in Walmarts and when you're arguin' with idiots.

Unless you're depressed of course. Which after talking with Gary I could see how you might be...

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