Bontragers/Bowers 6: Allison Is Married! Who Will Date Her Brothers Now?

[browngrl]

3 hours ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

Chelsy looks awful in every single picture,

I hope it is something simple like allergies or being up all night with a new baby or bad makeup, but I always worry with a new mother. The first few months after giving birth really should be considered the 4th trimester. There are lots of physical and psychological issues that can arise/get worse during this period. I think fundies would be less likely than non fundies to get appropriate care. Anyway I hope I am way off base and it was just a minor issue.

[lilith]

4 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The Mennonite relatives would probably be horrified if there was no food. 

I thought Rebs was adorable during the wedding because she looked like she was taking the duty of being a bridesmaid very seriously. Being the youngest Bontrager, I’m sure it made her feel grown up.

Rebecca generally seems really sweet. The whole family seems to dote on her as the baby - even the boys, who are generally unbearably pompous, are sweet with her onstage. I hope she gets more time with Elizabeth again now that Allison doesn’t need her as her Chelsy substitute anymore. 

[HoneyBunny]

I’m not surprised they didn’t ask Wedding Photographer Christopher Maxwell to take their photos. Alison’s were in an entirely different league altogether. 

[lilith]

30 minutes ago, HoneyBunny said:

I’m not surprised they didn’t ask Wedding Photographer Christopher Maxwell to take their photos. Alison’s were in an entirely different league altogether. 

But we don’t know how her dress looked on a hanger in the bathroom! 

[JermajestyDuggar]

8 hours ago, lilith said:

But we don’t know how her dress looked on a hanger in the bathroom! 

I can’t remember who took the pics of the Boners Double Wedding but they hung the dresses in a tree and it was creepy as fuck. And pics of the sisters looked like a lesbian wedding. And we know they are all very against gay marriage.

[freethemall]

On 8/18/2020 at 3:41 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

She hasn’t told their love story yet so it’s hard to say. Chelsy and Mitch seemed to choose for themselves based on their love stories. But Carson and Joshua were arranged.

How do we know the difference ? They all use the same language of "we met and then prayed to God" etc etc. Genuinely asking if there was something specific that made Joshua and Carson more arranged than Chelsy and Mitch.

Edit: just found Carson and Carolina's love story, wow: http://bontragersingers.blogspot.com/2018/05/carson-carolinas-love-story.html?m=1

Edited August 20, 2020 by freethemall

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, freethemall said:

How do we know the difference ? They all use the same language of "we met and then prayed to God" etc etc. Genuinely asking if there was something specific that made Joshua and Carson more arranged than Chelsy and Mitch.

Edit: just found Carson and Carolina's love story, wow: http://bontragersingers.blogspot.com/2018/05/carson-carolinas-love-story.html?m=1

I think the biggest thing for me was the pressure on the Bowers/Bontrager couples. Everyone seemed to be pushing them together and praying constantly about it. If they had eventually broken up, there would have been some heavy disappointment from the parents. It doesn’t seem like that pressure was there for Bryn and Mitch or Chelsy and John because no one moved to Iowa for the match. However the Bowers did move all the way to Iowa and renovated a home not too far from the Bontragers. Chelsy had actually ended a relationship when she met John. So obviously she felt she had a choice in who she marries. I think Allison probably had a broken relationship in the past as well. Just by how depressed she was at one point. But there’s no proof of that. 

Edited August 20, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[Lea]

It struck me how her Dad was talking about how she was such an example for young ladies and "had a heart for young ladies". It feels like the phrase "had a heart" gets used as a justification for any interest the daughters have but it has to be phrased in a ministry way. (So I "have a heart" for margaritas and Friends reruns).

Clearly Allison likes planning/organizing/being a leader but had to find an appropriate way to channel that to still be a respectable, godly daughter so she did the young lady retreats and blogging. It's really too bad because I think she seems like a driven, organized person who could've done well for herself in mainstream society as a working woman.

I grew up in a religious family but nowhere near this strict. I cannot imagine the family pressure I would feel in this situation to tow the line. I want to take everyone's blood pressure during these sermons because how terrible would you feel if you had any dissenting thought???
 

Also, go back and watch the bridesmaids during any of the prayers. Someone always has their eyes open or is trying to talk or something!! It's cracking me up! ??

Just goes to show how this is all ritual and routine...

[fundiefan]

12 minutes ago, Lea said:

It struck me how her Dad was talking about how she was such an example for young ladies and "had a heart for young ladies". It feels like the phrase "had a heart" gets used as a justification for any interest the daughters have but it has to be phrased in a ministry way. (So I "have a heart" for margaritas and Friends reruns).
 

It's in the fundie handbook to justify anything anyone has any kind of interest in. The Maxwells have a heart for every damn thing; none of them are interested in anything or want anything. 

I currently have a heart for a glass of rum & lemonade. But it's not even 2pm and I am stlll working. 

In a bigger scope, I have a heart for travel. But I am not rich and the world is locked down & where it's not it's not open to US citizens & I have to work anyway. 

Is it acceptable to deny whatever you have a heart for? 

[Aithuia]

4 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think the biggest thing for me was the pressure on the Bowers/Bontrager couples. Everyone seemed to be pushing them together and praying constantly about it. If they had eventually broken up, there would have been some heavy disappointment from the parents. It doesn’t seem like that pressure was there for Bryn and Mitch or Chelsy and John because no one moved to Iowa for the match. 

I agree completely, especially considering the story that Marlin told at the double wedding. In the "Carson and Carolina's love story" post, both say that their parents hinted that they should think of each other as potential spouses, even when they'd barely spoken. Ma Bowers even told Carson directly that he should get to know Carolina. In fundie world, that's basically saying, "You should consider marrying my daughter." 

In the Josh/Cassidy post, we learn that they both happened to start thinking of each other as possible spouses in September 2014, and that in November 2015, Pa Bowers told Cass to start praying about Josh....coincidentally just as Josh apparently started praying about her. Hmmmm...so, two teenagers who have never held a serious conversation decide to start considering that they're going to get married at exactly the same time (after some helpful hints from their parents, of course).

Mitch and Bryn spent 4 years going to church/youth group together, and when Mitch describes his first thoughts about a relationship with Bryn, there's no mention of his parents. He mentions that people prayed about them, but it doesn't sound anything like what the Bowers/Bontragers did.

[Kelsey]

25 minutes ago, Lea said:

It struck me how her Dad was talking about how she was such an example for young ladies and "had a heart for young ladies". It feels like the phrase "had a heart" gets used as a justification for any interest the daughters have but it has to be phrased in a ministry way. (So I "have a heart" for margaritas and Friends reruns).

Clearly Allison likes planning/organizing/being a leader but had to find an appropriate way to channel that to still be a respectable, godly daughter so she did the young lady retreats and blogging. It's really too bad because I think she seems like a driven, organized person who could've done well for herself in mainstream society as a working woman.

I grew up in a religious family but nowhere near this strict. I cannot imagine the family pressure I would feel in this situation to tow the line. I want to take everyone's blood pressure during these sermons because how terrible would you feel if you had any dissenting thought???
 

Also, go back and watch the bridesmaids during any of the prayers. Someone always has their eyes open or is trying to talk or something!! It's cracking me up! ??

Just goes to show how this is all ritual and routine...

I have a heart for marijuana ?

 

Also, I am an atheist and when I "pray" with a group of people it's mostly me looking around to see if there's another heathen in the group!

[Melissa1977]

19 hours ago, lilith said:

Rebecca generally seems really sweet. The whole family seems to dote on her as the baby - even the boys, who are generally unbearably pompous, are sweet with her onstage

Mama Bon explained that Rebecca was one of her quieter/shy children. She forces her children not to be shy and  punish them if fail. Maybe Rebecca is doted by her siblings, but she has faced a rough training before, poor thing.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I have a heart for alone time and I imagine Sarah Maxwell does too. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I have a heart for alone time and I imagine Sarah Maxwell does too. 

I have a heart for cats, chocolate and napping. 

[lilith]

5 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Mama Bon explained that Rebecca was one of her quieter/shy children. She forces her children not to be shy and  punish them if fail. Maybe Rebecca is doted by her siblings, but she has faced a rough training before, poor thing.

That’s super sad because Rebecca has been on stage practically from birth. They used to keep her backstage and have her toddle out for the occasional cute moment. For a naturally shy child that would be hell.

Rebecca Sr lost a few pregnancies before and after Rebecca so I guess I had hoped it would make everyone cherish her that little bit more. Though in their world cherishing and beating somehow aren’t mutually exclusive.

It blows my mind they will beat the shyness out of a little girl so she will perform but haven’t dealt with their sons very prominent lisps.

Edit to add - I was still lisping at 8/9 and was very self conscious about it and teased about it. Less than a year of weekly speech therapy fixed the problem. And my parents were pretty minimally interventionist when it came to child rearing - lots of hippie “let them grow to be who they truly are” sort of philosophies. But they saw it was really bothering me and got it fixed.

Edited August 21, 2020 by lilith

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, lilith said:

That’s super sad because Rebecca has been on stage practically from birth. They used to keep her backstage and have her toddle out for the occasional cute moment. For a naturally shy child that would be hell.

Rebecca Sr lost a few pregnancies before and after Rebecca so I guess I had hoped it would make everyone cherish her that little bit more. Though in their world cherishing and beating somehow aren’t mutually exclusive.

It blows my mind they will beat the shyness out of a little girl so she will perform but haven’t dealt with their sons very prominent lisps.

Edit to add - I was still lisping at 8/9 and was very self conscious about it and teased about it. Less than a year of weekly speech therapy fixed the problem. And my parents were pretty minimally interventionist when it came to child rearing - lots of hippie “let them grow to be who they truly are” sort of philosophies. But they saw it was really bothering me and got it fixed.

Major speech impediments run in my family therefore I’m pretty sensitive on the topic. But I agree about speech therapy. I’m not saying we should change who children are. But I think speech therapy can be incredibly helpful in becoming who they naturally are. My father in law was born in the 1940s with a severe stutter. There was no real help back then so he had to wait until adulthood to do some speech therapy. My husband says that he can remember his father’s speaking abilities before and after the speech therapy and there was an improvement. However he still has a stutter. And I think it’s made him a much quieter person than if he had had speech therapy at a young age with more improvement. I also have a cousin with a severe speech impediment and he’s had lots of speech therapy. Most people would be surprised that the way he speaks as an adult is actually much better than it used to be. He’s also really quiet because of his impediment. But I always thought his personality was rather outgoing. I think that speech impediments can make a child quieter than if there was no impediment. I just hate to think a child might feel uncomfortable expressing himself because he’s afraid no one will be able to understand what he says. 

[lilith]

13 hours ago, fundiefan said:

It's in the fundie handbook to justify anything anyone has any kind of interest in. The Maxwells have a heart for every damn thing; none of them are interested in anything or want anything. 

I currently have a heart for a glass of rum & lemonade. But it's not even 2pm and I am stlll working. 

In a bigger scope, I have a heart for travel. But I am not rich and the world is locked down & where it's not it's not open to US citizens & I have to work anyway. 

Is it acceptable to deny whatever you have a heart for? 

John Maxwell had a heart for playing the guitar, but he was enjoying it too much so his father made him switch to another instrument. So in Maxhell it’s only ok to have a heart for something if it doesn’t bring you too much joy and risk becoming an idol. 

[usedbicycle]

On 8/19/2020 at 9:46 PM, CaptainFunderpants said:

Anyone know what's up with the groom's family's lack of philtrum? Inbreeding, alcoholism, clef lip... Anyone got a guess? It appears to be maternally tied.

I know this is a snark site but geez, that's a mean thing to say. I think it's just... how they look?

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

I know this is a snark site but geez, that's a mean thing to say. I think it's just... how they look?

Smooth upper lips can be an indicator of some things like FAS but it’s also just a varied genetic trait. Some people have deeper grooves while others don’t. I agree with you that it’s just a part of the family looks and nothing to be alarmed about. 

[browngrl]

I just saw Chelsy's post on a party they had for Alison just before the wedding. Chelsy looks much better on those pictures so I hope this means the wedding look was the result of some temporary thing.

[CaptainFunderpants]

1 hour ago, browngrl said:

I just saw Chelsy's post on a party they had for Alison just before the wedding. Chelsy looks much better on those pictures so I hope this means the wedding look was the result of some temporary thing.

She does! The allergies have been brutal for me personally this year, so I would completely believe that allergies unfortunately went straight to her head on wedding day.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 8/19/2020 at 11:21 PM, HoneyBunny said:

I’m not surprised they didn’t ask Wedding Photographer Christopher Maxwell to take their photos. Alison’s were in an entirely different league altogether. 

The photos that have popped up on Instagram from the photographer are really great. She does look happy and stunning in them as does her husband. I genuinely think that the joylessness feeling from the wedding came from her FIL, father, and pastor rambling on. At times she and Jeremiah seemed frustrated and bored. The after pics that have been posted everyone looks much happier.

3 hours ago, browngrl said:

I just saw Chelsy's post on a party they had for Alison just before the wedding. Chelsy looks much better on those pictures so I hope this means the wedding look was the result of some temporary thing.

I have to wonder if emotions were running high right before she walked down the aisle. There is a photo of Allison and her mother crying at her bridal shower and one where it looks like she had been crying with Liz and Rebecca. So, I wonder if she and her family had a small cry as they realized she was moving away from the family and won't be seeing her siblings every day.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 8/17/2020 at 10:38 PM, lilith said:

She’s also attended multiple Bates and Duggar weddings though, and they don’t tend to feature long political rants from the fathers of the brides. 

Yeah, I know. It doesn't make much sense to me why Marlin decided to ramble on or why they thought it was okay that he rambled. The more I think about I think Marlin had a shorter speech written out, but had a crazy feeling to show his true colors to the world. Marlin's speech at Allison's wedding makes his vasectomy reversal speech at Chelsy's look normal, in my opinion. Marlin's wedding sermons just get cringier and cringier as they go on.

On 8/18/2020 at 3:33 PM, ElizaB said:

Well the question is did she pick him? How much of a choice did she really have? 

I am sure that Allison and Jeremiah will grace us with a long winded post about how they fell in love. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

32 minutes ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

Yeah, I know. It doesn't make much sense to me why Marlin decided to ramble on or why they thought it was okay that he rambled. The more I think about I think Marlin had a shorter speech written out, but had a crazy feeling to show his true colors to the world. Marlin's speech at Allison's wedding makes his vasectomy reversal speech at Chelsy's look normal, in my opinion. Marlin's wedding sermons just get cringier and cringier as they go on.

I am sure that Allison and Jeremiah will grace us with a long winded post about how they fell in love. 

Denver is likely the next to get married. If he does marry Praise, will it just be a rerun of this wedding? Will the fathers go on and on about things that have nothing to do with the wedding couple? My guess is yes. 

[Fluffles]

On 8/20/2020 at 2:23 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think the biggest thing for me was the pressure on the Bowers/Bontrager couples. Everyone seemed to be pushing them together and praying constantly about it. If they had eventually broken up, there would have been some heavy disappointment from the parents. It doesn’t seem like that pressure was there for Bryn and Mitch or Chelsy and John because no one moved to Iowa for the match. However the Bowers did move all the way to Iowa and renovated a home not too far from the Bontragers. Chelsy had actually ended a relationship when she met John. So obviously she felt she had a choice in who she marries. I think Allison probably had a broken relationship in the past as well. Just by how depressed she was at one point. But there’s no proof of that. 

Does anyone know who Chelsea was courting before John? Kudos to her for having the courage to break the relationship off.