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Classically Abby: Conservative Wife in Denial


AmericanRose
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Well, MM is off in romance novel land with no apparent plans to return, and... I cracked and watched a Classically Abby video. I have to admit, she's much more snarkable than MM.

So! This is the first in a series of videos CA is going to do about why she loves being a conservative, and why she loves being a conservative woman specifically - a good place to begin, I think!
Why I Love My CONSERVATIVE Life! || Let's talk about why marriage is the best choice I ever made ?

Spoiler

 

CA says conservatives really value marriage. I laugh as I remember the cheating scandals of Republican politicians.
CA pulls out a "Sawhill and Haskins" theory that if you finish high school, get married before having kids, and work a full time job, 73.8% of you are in the middle class. Okay... and what about people who didn't start in the middle class? CA clearly doesn't understand generational poverty.
CA says it's great if you're "on the other side of the aisle" and also love marriage, but conservative women look at it differently - like a necessity, instead of a nice thing people can do. I don't understand loving marriage. I can understand loving someone enough to want to get married, but loving marriage itself seems... odd.

So! The things she loves about marriage:

1. She's married to a man who believes in marriage as much as she does. It sounds like they have a good, healthy marriage... but I wonder if she realises it's not always like that. Ben seems pretty divorced from reality - I imagine his sister is probably similar.
2. She views her marriage and future family as the most important thing in her life. I'm pretty sure that liberals and apolitical people also love their spouses and children. Conservatives don't have a monopoly on cherishing their relationships. Ohh okay - this is a conservative value because she doesn't have to fight with a part of herself that thinks she's oppressed by the patriachary, or the feminist idea that because she's putting family first she can't put career first. When you're married, you can really recognise what matters.
3. She doesn't have to date anymore. For some reason, CA thinks it's a conservative idea to marry someone who shares your values. She also says a real community is families, to which I disagree - you don't have to marry to create a family.

Per CA, being married makes you feel like you have a goal in life, a mission, and it makes you less selfish.

CA says LTR's and marriage are very different because marriage is a contract. With children out of wedlock, a parent can just leave, and you have a half-finished family structure. No, CA, I'm pretty sure they would still have to pay child support. And though it costs $$$$ to leave a marriage, that still happens fairly often. Ah, she does address this, but says with that contract (is she talking about pre-nups?) the husband has to pay alimony or there has to be a support system. What is it with these women and alimony?? Also pretty sure that 'support system' she mentions is child support.

Per CA, the deeper reason marriage is so important is that it prevents you from being selfish and saying you don't want to make this intense commitment.
Um... what??? Are you also in favour of forced marriage? I think CA would feel pretty comfortable in the 1950s.

You don't get to walk away when you're married - you have to sink all your love and your life into another person and your future children.
That's... scary. She makes it sound like women get married and become Stepford Wives, existing only for their husband and kids.

And from a more selfish perspective (I thought marriage was supposed to drive that out?) you don't have to worry your partner will just walk away either. Her anxiety went away after she got married.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Even if you don't divorce, your spouse can still cheat or otherwise make your life miserable. I can tell she grew up comfortable.

 

I'm pretty over the narrative that single people are selfish and just 'living for themselves' (whatever that means).

Conservatives like to say that liberals are brainwashed, etc., but... "I love my life as a conservative, let me tell you why!!!" just seems really cult-like to me.

I was thinking that in 5 years or so, maybe a hand-fasting or something wouldn't be so bad if I met someone I wanted that kind of connection with - but with all this talk of sinking your love and life into another person, she's successfully made me terrified of the idea. Good job Abby!

PS. I see you trying to distance yourself from the "trad" movement. 

Edited by Coconut Flan
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My ex-husband was a "Christian" who just walked away. Marriage is no insurance that the other party won't leave, cheat, abuse, etc.

She sounds very naive.

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I have some questions. 

How long has she been married and do they have kids? 

I ask this because my marriage was pathetically easy and happy before we had kids. When I think about how easy it was, I shake my head. When you have kids, that’s when things get serious. And if she doesn’t have children yet, I would like her to come back when she has a few kids under 5 and talk about her marriage. She will likely have a different perspective. 

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I dated my husband for 14 years before we married. For us, it was surprisingly different to be married than living together—some because others recognized It more, some because the paper commitment really did make us feel more bonded. It was very unexpected. 

However, conservative we are not. Our marriage looks traditional because we are straight and of opposite sex but our politics are liberal, we don’t have children by choice, and I’m an evil divorcee (first husband was a cheating scumbag). I earn more, have more education, and do all the power tool work around the house. 

I value my marriage a lot, but don’t give a flip if anyone else ever gets married. 

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I don't know a ton of her backstory-- was she always right-wing or is she just recently trying to capitalize on her brother's audience?

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Damnit, I went to her website and now I have more snark.

From her 'About Me':
She has 3 degrees in operatic performance.
"I like cooking my husband dinner and I love being married." Which do you love more, your husband or marriage?
"I have classic political views and I'm not afraid to share them." You should take a look at the 1950s Republican platform. It might shock you.

@Howl @JermajestyDuggar She got married on May 27th, 2018. No kids (yet).

@NachosFlandersStyle I'm not sure... she started her Youtube last year posting opera and makeup, and then in March 2020 she began posting about conservative life. But considering her brother, marriage, and talk of how 'scared' she was to 'come out' as conservative in the arts community... I'm thinking she was always conservative. Now she's just realising there's money to be made off being a "Conservative Influencer".

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She’s been married 2 years and no kids. When I had been married 2 years, I had no kids and our marriage was easy peasy lemon squeezy. Now that we have been married a decade and have kids, we have to actually put some effort into our marriage! She has no clue. 

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1 hour ago, AmericanRose said:

Conservatives like to say that liberals are brainwashed, etc., but... "I love my life as a conservative, let me tell you why!!!" just seems really cult-like to me

I just simply think that it seems to be ideologically focused , and particularistic .  It would be like if conversely I were to have a YouTube channel , I don't yet , and post a video entitled " Why I love being a socialist " ; where I assert that socialists support community , co-operation , and the common good , as if no one else also does .  Now I don't expect that I would ever do this , as I would tend to feel that it would be too indoctrinating , more so than simply communicating my viewpoints .  But apparently Classically Abby is trying to further a social conservative movement , predicated upon her idealized notion of traditional values .  While this , like any social movement , could come to take on the trappings of a cult , it might just as well show itself to be a broad based tendency .  For a personality cult to form around her , in my opinion , her followers would have to set out to emulate her in all things , including religion , in addition to lifestyle , etc.  And I just don't think it likely that there will be mass conversions to Orthodox Judaism , due to people following her influence . 

Edited by Marmion
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@Marmion I don't know... I mean, of course people can do what they want, but if it was me I think I would do something more like "Why I'm [Whatever]", which sounds way less cult-y than "Why I LOVE Being [Whatever]!" There's a difference that it's hard to put my finger on, but it's odd.

I've only watched one video, but none of her titles mention religion - just "Classic" or "Conservative". Of course, keeping it vague probably brings in more followers.

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What’s MM?

Also, she hasn’t been married all that long. It’s like when we snark on those young fundies who talk about marriage like they’re experts when they’ve only been married for three months. And yeah, if/when she has kids, that’s a whole different board game. 

I’ve never been married so I kinda feel like I have no real business commenting on this. But I’m not stupid, I know marriage isn’t always fun and games (for multiple reasons). 

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1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She’s been married 2 years and no kids. When I had been married 2 years, I had no kids and our marriage was easy peasy lemon squeezy. Now that we have been married a decade and have kids, we have to actually put some effort into our marriage! She has no clue. 

I suspect they haven't faced a lot of, if any, major crises as a couple either.  They should renovate a house together - then have kids while it's still going. 

1 hour ago, AmericanRose said:

Per CA, being married makes you feel like you have a goal in life, a mission, and it makes you less selfish.

Boy she has never snuck the last Tim Tam out of the fridge so she doesn't have to share with her spouse or child. Damn this 11 in a packet thing. Heh. 

Also I have to say my marriage has never made me feel like I have a goal in life. We have shared goals, but getting married for us was more a public statement that we were committed to each other. In terms of binding legal contracts I suspect the mortgage would be harder to get out of, and the child obviously complicates everything!

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28 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

@Perrierwithlemon ah yeah, I’ve heard of her. Just wasn’t sure of the nickname is all.

The first we ever talking about classically Abby was on the Mrs Midwest thread. They are slightly linked through their commonality of topics in their you tube channels. When watching MM videos, classically Abby ads would pop up like crazy. I doubt the two women know one another. They just happen to have similar channels. 

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16 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The first we ever talking about classically Abby was on the Mrs Midwest thread. They are slightly linked through their commonality of topics in their you tube channels. When watching MM videos, classically Abby ads would pop up like crazy. I doubt the two women know one another. They just happen to have similar channels. 

I haven't watched any of that sort of video, and Classically Abby videos keep popping up in my recommended list - as promoted videos, as best I can tell.

I read the description of one, and was like "who is this twit, and is there a thread on FJ about her yet?"

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Abby is Orthodox Jewish. I know not all Orthodox Jews are necessarily fundie but I would say the sister of Ben Shapiro likely is.  This twit flooded my inbox for days. Based on her comment section, she has been driving people crazy flooding their suggested viewing. 

Edited by Pecansforeveryone
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Besides being married for a short period of time, i.e., that period of time called the honeymoon phase, she's very young.  How young?  Young enough to feel like she's nailed it, got it figured out, everything is working in her favor and IT WILL ALWAYS BE THAT WAY BECAUSE...the innocence of youth. 

Edited by Howl
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1 hour ago, Howl said:

Besides being married for a short period of time, i.e., that period of time called the honeymoon phase, she's very young.  How young?  Young enough to feel like she's nailed it, got it figured out, everything is working in her favor and IT WILL ALWAYS BE THAT WAY BECAUSE...the innocence of youth. 

I cringe when I think about what a “know it all”  I was at 20. Since I knew a lot more than other 20 year olds, I thought I knew it all. But no. I was just surrounded by a lot of people who were your basic immature 20 year olds. I have a feeling Abby is going to look back on this in 15 years and cringe.

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We can but hope she looks back sooner than 15 years, cringes, and gets off the internet with her 'classically know-it-all' answers to everything

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11 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I cringe when I think about what a “know it all”  I was at 20. Since I knew a lot more than other 20 year olds, I thought I knew it all. But no. I was just surrounded by a lot of people who were your basic immature 20 year olds. I have a feeling Abby is going to look back on this in 15 years and cringe.

I dunno... 20 is one thing, but she began making her "conservative!!!" videos a few months ago, at 27. Considering her age and family, I don't think she'll be looking back in cringe.

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7 hours ago, AmericanRose said:

I dunno... 20 is one thing, but she began making her "conservative!!!" videos a few months ago, at 27. Considering her age and family, I don't think she'll be looking back in cringe.

I didn’t realize she’s so old and smug. How embarrassing for her. Lol.

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@JermajestyDuggar There's apparently an "Abigail Shapiro" that's 20, but I was like "wait, Ben Shapiro is 36... that would be quite an age gap!" ?

But yeah; if your entire bubble shares your views, there's little incentive to re-consider.

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