Lori Alexander 77: Back in Door County Again

[cindyluvs24]

22 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

you read it here. She posted this on her latest blog post.

( I think this was on an old episode of Law And Order.)   Has anyone seen Ken lately?

[SongRed7]

I am an adult adoptee, adopted by my family when I was 3 days old.  This was in 1964 when adoption laws were very different and young women were often "forced" to go away and give up their babies and then pretend like it never happened.   Don't get me wrong, adoption is a wonderful thing and in my case i had wonderful parents (we were FAR from perfect...but I can overlook the "normal" dysfunction that is EVERY family, and see that I had a good childhood and life and now knowing my birth's mother story, it was probably best for everyone.).

HOWEVER, I have been able to find my biological family (my parents had both died by the time the laws changed and I was able to get my records) and no matter how "good and right and wonderful" adoption can be it's not a neat little "transaction" that can be tied up with a bow and everyone lives happily ever after. 

All this to say Alyssa's IG story and oversharing about going through the adoption process is TRIGGERING for me and I'm sure many other adoptees.  My parents (who adopted me and they were my parents in every way) were always open with my brother and I and how we came to be a family. It wasn't hidden, it wasn't presented as something shameful etc and Like I said this was in the early/mid 60s when things were different.  But NO MATTER how wonderful adoption can be it is always built on SOMEONE ELSE'S TRAGEDY!  (unintended pregnancy resulting in shaming, fear, family issues, or maybe a result of a rape or other situation-- every story is different)   A birth mother, even when giving up her child is her choice and she lovingly does it because she can't care for or give her child the life she wants or is unable to give him/her,  it still has lifelong implications for her and the child.  There is still a bond that is broken in some way.   This is not to say an adopted child is NOT fully part of their adopted family, but you still can't ignore that there are other considerations. 

If social media were a thing back then, I'm not sure I would want my story to be broadcast to the public.  The last you want people to see you as is as "that ADOPTED child"  I'm sure the family wouldn't see you differently, but because Alyssa is a (minor) "public" figure...the whole world will see that child as "the ADOPTED ONE."    And while the birth mother's identity won't be made known, I'm sure she too might have objections (short term or long term) to having her story/tragedy played out on social media as well. 

I'm not a big fan of Alyssa but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she's trying to present it as "education" but  I may be wrong and I think it is still misguided.  Her last post/story (the posting of the "list" of ALL THE THINGS she is going through) felt like a grocery list to get a baby.  "Look at ALL the things we have to DO to get our precious baby. Look at what WE are going through."   It felt like a kick in the stomach. A baby is not a commodity. It's a human being. And so is the birth mother. SHE is going through a LOT, she has to deal with this her whole life! 

And again, I will say adoption is a WONDERFUL thing and not something to hide or be ashamed of (for the birth mother, the adoptive family or the adoptee themselves.)  But adoption is NOT like getting a puppy. 

Look, I wish Alyssa and Jon well and I know infertility is a bear...i hope they are able to adopt if that is their wish.  But they need to remember that this is a human with feelings, rights, and eventually will be curious about their story and it IS there story.  Alyssa really needs to be more discreet IMHO

Off my soap box. 

 

Edited August 27, 2020 by SongRed7

[brittbratkittykat]

I am an adult adoptee, adopted by my family when I was 3 days old.  This was in 1964 when adoption laws were very different and young women were often "forced" to go away and give up their babies and then pretend like it never happened.   Don't get me wrong, adoption is a wonderful thing and in my case i had wonderful parents (we were FAR from perfect...but I can overlook the "normal" dysfunction that is EVERY family, and see that I had a good childhood and life and now knowing my birth's mother story, it was probably best for everyone.).
HOWEVER, I have been able to find my biological family (my parents had both died by the time the laws changed and I was able to get my records) and no matter how "good and right and wonderful" adoption can be it's not a neat little "transaction" that can be tied up with a bow and everyone lives happily ever after. 
All this to say Alyssa's IG story and oversharing about going through the adoption process is TRIGGERING for me and I'm sure many other adoptees.  My parents (who adopted me and they were my parents in every way) were always open with my brother and I and how we came to be a family. It wasn't hidden, it wasn't presented as something shameful etc and Like I said this was in the early/mid 60s when things were different.  But NO MATTER how wonderful adoption can be it is always built on SOMEONE ELSE'S TRAGEDY!  (unintended pregnancy resulting in shaming, fear, family issues, or maybe a result of a rape or other situation-- every story is different)   A birth mother, even when giving up her child is her choice and she lovingly does it because she can't care for or give her child the life she wants or is unable to give him/her,  it still has lifelong implications for her and the child.  There is still a bond that is broken in some way.   This is not to say an adopted child is NOT fully part of their adopted family, but you still can't ignore that there are other considerations. 
If social media were a thing back then, I'm not sure I would want my story to be broadcast to the public.  The last you want people to see you as is as "that ADOPTED child"  I'm sure the family wouldn't see you differently, but because Alyssa is a (minor) "public" figure...the whole world will see that child as "the ADOPTED ONE."    And while the birth mother's identity won't be made known, I'm sure she too might have objections (short term or long term) to having her story/tragedy played out on social media as well. 
I'm not a big fan of Alyssa but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she's trying to present it as "education" but  I may be wrong and I think it is still misguided.  Her last post/story (the posting of the "list" of ALL THE THINGS she is going through) felt like a grocery list to get a baby.  "Look at ALL the things we have to DO to get our precious baby. Look at what WE are going through."   It felt like a kick in the stomach. A baby is not a commodity. It's a human being. And so is the birth mother. SHE is going through a LOT, she has to deal with this her whole life! 
And again, I will say adoption is a WONDERFUL thing and not something to hide or be ashamed of (for the birth mother, the adoptive family or the adoptee themselves.)  But adoption is NOT like getting a puppy. 
Look, I wish Alyssa and Jon well and I know infertility is a bear...i hope they are able to adopt if that is their wish.  But they need to remember that this is a human with feelings, rights, and eventually will be curious about their story and it IS there story.  Alyssa really needs to be more discreet IMHO
Off my soap box. 
 

Thank you for sharing that and being open. I’m very sorry you were trigged by the insensitive post.
I said to myself I wasn’t going to comment on Alyssa adopting so this is be my one and only post. It has always felt like to be they were adopting because they couldn’t have children. It was to fill a void. And now they have their baby and are going to adopt as lord knows when and if they will be able to conceive again.
Alyssa is without question not the best source for information regarding adoption. If you want good actually information go to Angela from This Gathered Nest. And while I do also believe Alyssa means well, I was also rubbed the wrong way by the stories she has posted. She said brother to Gideon so it’s clear they want a boy, newborn and I’m gonna guess they would like the baby to be white as well, I can’t imagine them adopting outside there race. And that’s also really my problem here, this is not a store, you shouldn’t get to ‘choose’ these specifics. They are young, well off and Christian which seems to be a winning combination. That being said, I do believe Lori’s online presence could hurt them, which is why I didn’t want to comment. If Jon and Alyssa aren’t able to adopt Lori being the grandmother in my option shouldn’t be a factor.
I wish them well. Lori is Alyssa mother and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SongRed7]

16 hours ago, brittbratkittykat said:

That being said, I do believe Lori’s online presence could hurt them, which is why I didn’t want to comment. If Jon and Alyssa aren’t able to adopt Lori being the grandmother in my option shouldn’t be a factor.

 I'm with you. I also think Alyssa's own online presence could be a problem.  I know a lot of birth mother's can "pick" their adoptive family (my brother and SIL adopted twins and this was how it was handled....privacy was preserved/protected but their was a profile book(s) of potential adoptees so the birth mother could pick perhaps based on same religion, ethnic background, professions of the potential parents etc).....I'm not everyone, but I would feel uncomfortable with someone oversharing on social media. It might be a deciding factor if I chose those folks or not.   Not to mention the implications for the child down the road.  

Here is an interesting story about MLB pitcher Cole Hamels and his wife and "oversharing" adoption stories on social media: https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/story-tellthe-dangers-oversharing-adoption/

As an adoptee myself, my biggest concern is for the child....you have all seen celebrity family photos that have been captioned: "May and Bob Superstar and their daughter RosePetal and their adopted son TreeBark"  said almost like "adopted child" is some kind of sub category.  Once a child is adopted they are a FULL member of the family.   

So my beef with Alyssa and her oversharing -- is all her fans will forever associate that child as "the adopted one"  It will be "Gideon and his adopted brother X"  rather than "Gideon and his brother Sam"    It might not be intentional or mean spirited, but that label will follow that child and could cause self-esteem issues, or "belonging" issues, etc.

This is just a topic I feel strongly about obviously. I wish them well, I really do...but again this isn't like getting a puppy.   Does EVERYTHING need to be shared on social media?  And who are these people who hang on every post and are "inspired" or "influenced" by these social media queens?

   

Edited August 28, 2020 by SongRed7

[Free Jana Duggar]

We adopted two children (same birthmon, but different bio dads). We always refer to them as our children. Those close to us know the circumstances, but I don't go around volunteering that info. unless there is a reason.  

At the time we adopted them I worked with a woman who had adopted children. I had no clue. She never mentioned it until  I told her we were adopting. 

[Lgirlrocks]

My co worker has three adopted kids. The oldest and youngest both have the same mom. She gets so upset when that gets pointed out. They are all family. I didn’t even know they were adopted until she told me. That’s how it should be. Once they are adopted they are apart of the family and that’s it. 

[brittbratkittykat]

 I'm with you. I also think Alyssa's own online presence could be a problem.  I know a lot of birth mother's can "pick" their adoptive family (my brother and SIL adopted twins and this was how it was handled....privacy was preserved/protected but their was a profile book(s) of potential adoptees so the birth mother could pick perhaps based on same religion, ethnic background, professions of the potential parents etc).....I'm not everyone, but I would feel uncomfortable with someone oversharing on social media. It might be a deciding factor if I chose those folks or not.   Not to mention the implications for the child down the road.  
Here is an interesting story about MLB pitcher Cole Hamels and his wife and "oversharing" adoption stories on social media: https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/story-tellthe-dangers-oversharing-adoption/
As an adoptee myself, my biggest concern is for the child....you have all seen celebrity family photos that have been captioned: "May and Bob Superstar and their daughter RosePetal and their adopted son TreeBark"  said almost like "adopted child" is some kind of sub category.  Once a child is adopted they are a FULL member of the family.   
So my beef with Alyssa and her oversharing -- is all her fans will forever associate that child as "the adopted one"  It will be "Gideon and his adopted brother X"  rather than "Gideon and his brother Sam"    It might not be intentional or mean spirited, but that label will follow that child and could cause self-esteem issues, or "belonging" issues, etc.
This is just a topic I feel strongly about obviously. I wish them well, I really do...but again this isn't like getting a puppy.   Does EVERYTHING need to be shared on social media?  And who are these people who hang on every post and are "inspired" or "influenced" by these social media queens?
   

I’m not sure if anyone was following the Myka Stauffer debacle but I was always so bothered when she said Well adopted Huxley from China’ it’s like Myka I’m pretty sure we all know and can tell... My cousin is Hispanic and adopted and it’s really annoying when I have to explain she’s adopted.
I do it do, I like to know how everyone is related, but I can see Lori at least mentioning the child is adopted endlessly. I also think Alyssa social media presence could be a problem but now I see people going on social media to find a birth mom so...
I’d also like to say I know nothing about adoption truly. All I know of what I have seen by watching Anglea on this Gathered Nest. I also get bothered by people only sharing half the story on social media which I understand but it is frustrating. In my option, of your going to be anything majorly legal like that, you really should wait until it’s over to talk about. And maybe this is cause I’m the daughter of a lawyer but I don’t really understanding folks sharing legal matters online while they are in process. And adoption is a legal matter.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[usmcmom]

I think Ken and Lori will constantly be telling the world that they have an adopted grandchild. They will all decide they are true heroes of Christ for having an adopted child in their family. I don’t think Alyssa is above this mindset either. She, evidently, is making it clear that she deserves lots of attention and praise for the decision to adopt. I quit following her so I am only going by what people are posting here, though. Also, can you imagine the snide, judgmental comments Lori and Ken make about women who decide to place their child for adoption?  It makes me sick to imagine how they might talk about their grandchild’s birth mother. On one hand it will be “Look at our Godly family with the adopted baby.” On the other, it will be...well, I don’t want to think about it  

I think Alyssa mentioned adoption when Gideon was still very very tiny. She commented that their second one would likely be adopted and I was surprised.  It seemed way too early to know if she would still struggle with infertility. Of course there might be a medical issue; or they might have gone that route for many other reasons.  To state with such certainty that they would be adopting made be wonder if that decision was made before Gideon was even born. I can see Alyssa enjoying the attention of being that beautiful, fit social media influencer who chose adoption....”FOLLOW OUR JOURNEY!”

 

[louisa05]

I have three cousins on my mother’s side who were adopted. All as infants. That made seven grandchildren for my grandparents. There was a woman at my grandparents’s church who constantly would ask my grandmother which of us were her “real” grandchildren and which were “the ones taken in”.  Every time my grandmother would say “I’ve told you; they’re all our real grandchildren”.  

[usmcmom]

Marie Osmond was once quoted as saying “People ask me which of my children are adopted and I tell them I don’t remember.”

 

I have a dear friend whose young son found out he was adopted when a lady at church referred to him as my friend’s “step son.” Poor little boy asked his mom why that lady would say that; so they went home and had a conversation they had not planned on having yet. 

[Sarah92]

So people who stay home are using common sense? What about the people who go to the services? I’d  say it stands to reason that they aren’t.  
Have family that are adopted and they are treated just like all the other kids and grandkids. I’m sure if you told their mom or dad anything bad about them being adopted they’d floor yah. 

[smittykins]

On 8/28/2020 at 1:08 PM, SongRed7 said:

As an adoptee myself, my biggest concern is for the child....you have all seen celebrity family photos that have been captioned: "May and Bob Superstar and their daughter RosePetal and their adopted son TreeBark"  said almost like "adopted child" is some kind of sub category.  Once a child is adopted they are a FULL member of the family.   

In a way, it reminds me of people who have adopted their partner’s child(ren)from a previous relationship, and are still referred to as a “stepparent.” Once they’re legally adopted, s/he’s their PARENT.

[kmachete14]

@smittykins true, but some children prefer the moniker of stepdad to distinguish from biological dad who they may still have a good relationship with (despite them not having custody) OR traumatic memories from, especially if the child is older. I don't think that one is so cut and dry. 

[Free Jana Duggar]

On 8/31/2020 at 8:37 AM, smittykins said:

In a way, it reminds me of people who have adopted their partner’s child(ren)from a previous relationship, and are still referred to as a “stepparent.” Once they’re legally adopted, s/he’s their PARENT.

I was adopted by my dad when he and my mom got married. Never knew my bio dad.  

I do have some friends who have good relationships with their step parents and use that term to distinguish because they still have a relatioinship with their bio parent. I know a lady who had her dad and stepdad walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I thought that was sweet.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Throwing this out there and copping to my awful thought --

Lori's blog post today is about not confessing adultery if it's waaaaaaay in the past because you'll just hurt your spouse. Hopefully you'll have confessed to God, repented and never did it again so no need to selfishly confess.

She says she was inspired to write this because she knows 2 women in the cheated years and years ago situation.

One of them confessed all to her husband and children on her deathbed.  Hubby and children had no clue, never a suspicion. Said hubby and children were hurt, angry, etc., etc.  And left with all of that after the woman died.

Anyway -- my awful thought was "Who would Lori know well enough to know that story?  Her mother."

I'll see myself to the prayer closet.

Edited September 1, 2020 by Red Hair, Black Dress

[Loveday]

1 minute ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Throwing this out there and copping to my awful thought --

Lori's blog post today is about not confessing adultery if it's waaaaaaay in the past because you'll just hurt your spouse. Hopefully you'll have confessed to God, repented and never did it again so no need to selfishly confess.

She says she was inspired to write this because she knows 2 women in the cheated years and years ago situation.

One of them confessed all her her husband and children on her deathbed.  Hubby and children had no clue, never a suspicion. Said hubby and children were hurt, angry, etc., etc.  And left with all of that after the woman died.

Anyway -- my awful thought was "Who would Lori know well enough to know that story?  Her mother."

I'll see myself to the prayer closet.

Well, move over, because I thought the same thing.   I've got chocolate, I'll share. LOL.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

If it's dark chocolate (70% cocoa) I'll bring a nice Malbec to drink.  

[HoneyBunny]

3 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

If it's dark chocolate (70% cocoa) I'll bring a nice Malbec to drink.  

Yummmmmm. Makes it taste like a chocolate covered cherry. 

[Pink Muffin]

Alyssa has this in her Insta Stories. I don't know what to say, I can't remember her ever give praise to Lori before. 

And Lori sure can hide that joyfull side of her.

Spoiler

 

[usmcmom]

6 hours ago, Pink Muffin said:

Alyssa has this in her Insta Stories. I don't know what to say, I can't remember her ever give praise to Lori before. 

And Lori sure can hide that joyfull side of her.

  Hide contents

 

I wondered if it had something to do with the adoption process. Maybe she wants to make sure the agency sees what a wonderful grandmother her child will have?

[brittbratkittykat]

I wondered if it had something to do with the adoption process. Maybe she wants to make sure the agency sees what a wonderful grandmother her child will have?

I was surprised by that post too. I think Alyssa has mentioned Lori by face less then 10 times on her social media. I was going though her old blog yesterday (which really is a gold mind) and she literally quote Cassi saying she wasn’t fun to live with. One moment she talks about how she didn’t want to ruin her children’s childhood complaining about being sick/acting sick. The next she’s unable to anything because she is sick and there is pretty clear documentation of her saying both these things. This is why I really trust/believe little of what she says. It really makes little sense. Will forever the amazing at how functional her children are. And by the way, I think behind closed door they do think their mother was abusive. And it’s certainly there right to never publicly say that. But that’s just my theory.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SongRed7]

1 hour ago, brittbratkittykat said:

The next she’s unable to anything because she is sick and there is pretty clear documentation of her saying both these things. This is why I really trust/believe little of what she says. It really makes little sense. Will forever the amazing at how functional her children are. And by the way, I think behind closed door they do think their mother was abusive. And it’s certainly there right to never publicly say that. But that’s just my theory.

I've also notice a common theme running through the praise she receives from Ken and now the same from Alyssa.  it always, ALWAYS includes the hardships she's gone through (Ken ALWAYS uses this) as if it is some kind of justification for how awful she was/has been/still is.   It's like her only redeeming quality is "she suffered" and we have to be reminded over and over.   

I've had my share of suffering and EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW AND MOST OF YOU have your own sufferings. It's not an excuse. And it's not just a casual reference they make "like you suffered so much"....it's always complete details about the accident, neck fusion, parasites, brain tumor, etc.....I don't think that's an accident because I think Lori is always reminding everyone about her list of ailments -- even though the rest of us are supposed to suffer in silence. 

 

OH...and BEC, but who say Alyssa and Tenley's girl day at the spa?   Well good for them, but they make me sick...they are the most vain people I've ever seen. Always preening, posing, demanding attention? For what? what they accomplished? Being pretty? Being skinny?   They both seem sooo shallow. 

 

[FluffySnowball]

3 hours ago, usmcmom said:

I wondered if it had something to do with the adoption process. Maybe she wants to make sure the agency sees what a wonderful grandmother her child will have?

That’s a good thought and you might very well be right. But if that’s what Alyssa is attempting to do, her plan only works as long as the case worker doesn’t start googling the family. The stories Lori has posted about herself, her children’s childhoods, her marriage and her parents paint a very ugly picture! 

Edited September 2, 2020 by FluffySnowball
making myself more clear

[brittbratkittykat]

I've also notice a common theme running through the praise she receives from Ken and now the same from Alyssa.  it always, ALWAYS includes the hardships she's gone through (Ken ALWAYS uses this) as if it is some kind of justification for how awful she was/has been/still is.   It's like her only redeeming quality is "she suffered" and we have to be reminded over and over.   
I've had my share of suffering and EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW AND MOST OF YOU have your own sufferings. It's not an excuse. And it's not just a casual reference they make "like you suffered so much"....it's always complete details about the accident, neck fusion, parasites, brain tumor, etc.....I don't think that's an accident because I think Lori is always reminding everyone about her list of ailments -- even though the rest of us are supposed to suffer in silence. 
 

This is very very true. Even recently when someone called her out for being a hypocrite and Ken wrote that whole sob story about her miscarriage and then her being ill etc. Alyssa has done the same thing too. Every post is despite the illness. And from the limited posts I’ve seen from her other children then seem to take a similar stance. And that’s certainly a way to look at it, she’s sick and there for needs to be forgiven and not held accountable.
Alyssa is a case study all in her own and she’s the one of Lori’s children who are active on social media so it’s the only reason I think she’s mentioned here often. That being said I will always feel bad for her as I’m pretty sure Lori’s idea of love is constantly pointing on flaws.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Sarah92]

On 9/1/2020 at 1:12 PM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I'll see myself to the prayer closet

I mean I know I literally just came out of the closet but if this is gonna be a party can I join y’all? I could use a social distanced party. I make a pretty good cake. Or I’d bring pizza.