Maxwell 40: Wearing Their Vests in an Apartment for Fun

[Bethy]

41 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

On another note, can somebody refresh my memory? Do all the guys work together?  Is Christopher working for a family business? 

Joseph runs a business called Swift Otter, which is a "small Magento agency with big ambitions and are honest about it." Jesse is listed next, then Chris (Chris is "Project Manager") and then a handful of other surname-less guys. They used to have an employee named "Annie" who bore more than a passing resemblance to their sister ?

So yes, those three work together. Clearly Nathan is doing something different, if "working from home" was a new normal during quarantine. And is John still doing the irrigation thing? 

Christopher also photographs weddings for a living, although I can't imagine he is making much there since he only posts wedding photos every couple of years. Except he's done two (one being Jesse's) since quarantine started.

ETA is it possible that he's working with overseas clients and that would help explain his odd exercise time, the kids' later bedtimes, etc.? Like, if he's working with an international client remotely until 2AM every night, then yes, he does need to sleep in in the morning. My lack of understanding of what Magento is/does doesn't help me in this speculation.

Edited July 11, 2020 by Bethy

[lilith]

What the hell is Sarah doing? Why couldn’t Melanie ask her to babysit? Anna does the cooking in Maxhell (except for the over complicated salad prep), Mary has the children’s ministry that Anna helps with, Anna and Mary help Teri with the ceiling fan cleaning and other scheduled household chores, Anna and Mary regularly spend “aunt times” with the nieces and nephews, Anna runs the help desk for her brothers businesses, Mary does her art, they both volunteer at the county fair which surely takes up hours of scheduled prep time in Maxhell........ what does Sarah do except for produce badly written blog posts, take the occasional newborn pic for the extended family, and churn out an excruciatingly boring book every year or two?  Idleness isn’t tolerated in Maxhell, so she must be doing something, but I have no idea what it could be. 

[danvillebelle]

18 hours ago, Giraffe said:

I’m glad to know even some of you with kids were wtf at how much outside help he has and it wasn’t me being an arse. 

In 2001 I had four kids 7 and under and my husband had to travel for work fairly often.  I had NO outside help.  Zilch.  Nada.  I managed just fine.

[NoseyNellie]

8 hours ago, Jigsaw3 said:

So what happens when Anna Marie comes back? Do all the helpers disappear and Anna Marie is immediately expected to pick up where she left off, running the family from 7am to 9pm, now with additional baby? This is my worry.

When Anna Marie comes back, she's not going to be healthy. She's going to be debilitated and recovering from this high dose chemo. She's been doing ok at her parents, where there are other adults to cook and clean so that her sole responsibility is probably care of Simon Peter, and maybe a little light housework if she feels like it, and if she's feeling poorly she can ask for help with the baby. And then when her ongoing chemo treatments in Kansas City start up, they will probably give her unknown side effects; they certainly won't give her superhuman energy.

She's not going to be able to be back right away taking care of six kids, a house, a useless spouse, a garden, shopping and cooking and cleaning and laundry, not to mention the homeschooling. Plus her older kids are going to need extra time and reassurance from her, since this has probably been traumatic for them too. Based on the blog, Christopher's not exactly a big help around the house, and no matter how much he loves her I don't see any evidence that he's going to step up to take on a bigger role.

I really hope that the helpers are on the schedule to stay for weeks longer, or else Anna's recovery will be severely impeded.

You are ABSOLUTELY correct!  This helper schedule is long term.  From the very beginning I thought the distance treatment, staying at her parents was pretty damn smart on her part!  She essentially has to do NOTHING but cuddle her baby and rest.  When she feels well enough she can spend time with her family, take walks and function at HER level of ability.  No cooking, no cleaning, no laundry.  She doesn't even need to mix the formula bottles- there are grandparents and aunts to do that.  When she gets home they will actually need the helpers more than ever.  The hustle and bustle of the kids just BEING there will be emotionally exhausting.  Seeing everything that NEEDS done and knowing she physically is drained and cannot do it is overwhelming and exhausting.  Ideally it could be streamlined as I am sure the last thing she wants is non stop people in her house..

[anjulibai]

A couple thoughts:

I think Mary and Anna only help the girls in the morning. Notice only the girls in the pic. Joshua is old enough to take care of himself, but Daniel isn't necessarily, so Christopher may well be tending to him. It would not surprise me if Mary and Anna aren't allowed to change boys. 

Christopher is probably working throughout the day, so I'm not going to dunk on him for needing help during that time. My husband has been working from home since March and both are boys are home, too, while I'm still going to work each day. It's been awful on his productivity with just our 2 boys, who are the same ages as Joshua and Daniel. Christopher needs to work, so he does need help. 

Sarah, I suspect, works far more than Anna and Mary do, doing bookkeeping and such for her Titus 2 and her brothers' businesses. I think that's what keeps her from helping out as much as Anna and Mary, whose work for their brothers' businesses is probably not as essential and is limited in scope. Sarah also has her book writing, which likely takes her time. 

I'm guessing that Anna and Mary will continue coming over for a while to help out, since Anna Marie is going to need time to heal and recover. 

[fundiefan]

8 hours ago, Bethy said:

Joseph runs a business called Swift Otter, which is a "small Magento agency with big ambitions and are honest about it." Jesse is listed next, then Chris (Chris is "Project Manager") and then a handful of other surname-less guys. They used to have an employee named "Annie" who bore more than a passing resemblance to their sister ?

So yes, those three work together. Clearly Nathan is doing something different, if "working from home" was a new normal during quarantine. And is John still doing the irrigation thing? 

Christopher also photographs weddings for a living, although I can't imagine he is making much there since he only posts wedding photos every couple of years. Except he's done two (one being Jesse's) since quarantine started.

ETA is it possible that he's working with overseas clients and that would help explain his odd exercise time, the kids' later bedtimes, etc.? Like, if he's working with an international client remotely until 2AM every night, then yes, he does need to sleep in in the morning. My lack of understanding of what Magento is/does doesn't help me in this speculation.

Joseph owns SwiftOtter & Jesse & Christopher work for him. Christopher also takes awful pictures at fundie weddings with a long list of rules. He does that sporadically though. Nathan has Steve's/the family's former Communication Concepts and "Annie" is his help desk. When it was Steve's/the family's, the did their self publishing under the name and it's how the IT boys got their start. They used to have IT Onramp but that went under in short order. John has the irrigation business and was a realtor, but they never talk about either. Sarah writes awful books and takes mediocre pictures and creates poorly written blog posts. She does bookkeeping for three small businesses (SwiftOtter, Communication Concepts and Titus2). Mary draws pictures and does "lettering" - although I think she was self learning something IT related at one point. Maybe still. She also does the shipping for any of the stuff they still manage to schill. Both "the girls" are sister wives to their sisters-in-law. Teri creates schedules with 15 minute intervals for everyone in the big house. She has 30 minute intervals of "grandma time" with some of her grandkids. Steve lords over them all with rules and manipulation. Now that the dog & pony show is over, and they have already sold their chore packs & "books" to every other funde, they don't really have to do much. Oh, Steve spends manly man time with Joshua. Finally, Steve & Teri send scheduled emails to men & women about how to snuff the life out of life and call people out for being different from them. 

[daisyjane1234]

While there's a great deal of Maxewll life and theology I find toxic, what they're doing with Chris' family is lovely.

Yes, the schedule is needlessly convoluted, and yes, the division of labour is blatantly sexist - but what did you expect.  

Living through a very serious, ongoing health crisis is traumatic.  Been there.  Done that.  Family roles and responsibilities get completely disrupted.  Anything that keeps those kids in a stable, familiar routine (even a convoluted one) is a good thing - particularly since this is a family where mental health (depression) is a concern, and often poorly addressed.  

Like most here I juggled kids, and responsibilities, and jobs, even when I had a kid in the ICU.  But, I also know that the juggling act came with a serious cost, and at times it wasn't pretty.  I would have been wildly grateful to have people in my family and/or community to step in and offer even a fraction of the support the Maxwell women provide.  While I am only speculating, perhaps the overabundance of support allows Chris to engage in self care  (exercise, sleep, chat with his male friends-aka brothers), talk to his wife, spend time with one or two kids individually, whatever - these are all good things and something most people in a health crisis don't get to do.  If A and M's support allows Chris the emotional reserves to be available to his wife and kids in a meaningful, vs frazzled, way then I think it's a good thing for this family.  Families in crisis, particularly a crisis that could go on for a while, need real, sustained, and practical support, and the Chris Maxwell family is getting it.

There is tons to snark about with respect to Maxwellian theology and life. But I have always admired how they support family in a practical and meaningful way.   And I would argue that the time a family is living through a serious health crisis is probably a time to cut them some slack.

[SassyPants]

Wasn’t someone a landscaper too?

[anjulibai]

2 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Wasn’t someone a landscaper too?

John and Joseph had a construction business at one point, but it didn't do much of anything. I think they did a plain cement patio for someone. That was a long time ago. 

[LilMissMetaphor]

4 hours ago, lilith said:

What the hell is Sarah doing? Idleness isn’t tolerated in Maxhell, so she must be doing something, but I have no idea what it could be. 

Mourning the loss of her misspent youth.

[SassyPants]

7 minutes ago, daisyjane1234 said:

While there's a great deal of Maxewll life and theology I find toxic, what they're doing with Chris' family is lovely.

Yes, the schedule is needlessly convoluted, and yes, the division of labour is blatantly sexist - but what did you expect.  

Living through a very serious, ongoing health crisis is traumatic.  Been there.  Done that.  Family roles and responsibilities get completely disrupted.  Anything that keeps those kids in a stable, familiar routine (even a convoluted one) is a good thing - particularly since this is a family where mental health (depression) is a concern, and often poorly addressed.  

Like most here I juggled kids, and responsibilities, and jobs, even when I had a kid in the ICU.  But, I also know that the juggling act came with a serious cost, and at times it wasn't pretty.  I would have been wildly grateful to have people in my family and/or community to step in and offer even a fraction of the support the Maxwell women provide.  While I am only speculating, perhaps the overabundance of support allows Chris to engage in self care  (exercise, sleep, chat with his male friends-aka brothers), talk to his wife, spend time with one or two kids individually, whatever - these are all good things and something most people in a health crisis don't get to do.  If A and M's support allows Chris the emotional reserves to be available to his wife and kids in a meaningful, vs frazzled, way then I think it's a good thing for this family.  Families in crisis, particularly a crisis that could go on for a while, need real, sustained, and practical support, and the Chris Maxwell family is getting it.

There is tons to snark about with respect to Maxwellian theology and life. But I have always admired how they support family in a practical and meaningful way.   And I would argue that the time a family is living through a serious health crisis is probably a time to cut them some slack.

While I agree with your thoughts here, I also feel the need to temper/balance it by considering who we are talking about. I don’t find the Maxwells approach to life altogether functional or healthy. I could easily see Teri becoming resentful and overwhelmed and taking it out on the kids. So, while I agree it’s nice to have help, the kind of help given is very important. FWIW, this is a situation that many older folks, myself included, would find overwhelming.  5 young kids and an extra household is a lot for 70 YOs (or near) to manage. I truly hope Chris is doing his share.

[daisyjane1234]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

While I agree with your thoughts here, I also feel the need to temper/balance it by considering who we are talking about. I don’t find the Maxwells approach to life altogether functional or healthy. I could easily see Teri becoming resentful and overwhelmed and taking it out on the kids. So, while I agree it’s nice to have help, the kind of help given is very important. FWIW, this is a situation that many older folks, myself included, would find overwhelming.  5 young kids and an extra household is a lot for 70 YOs (or near) to manage. I truly hope Chris is doing his share.

Totally agree.  And I have to wonder if that is why the three women - Anna, Mary, Terri - are providing care in limited time chunks. Granted it creates a convoluted schedule with people coming and going a whole lot, but it also means that (hopefully) no one family member burns out.

[Bethy]

2 hours ago, daisyjane1234 said:

Totally agree.  And I have to wonder if that is why the three women - Anna, Mary, Terri - are providing care in limited time chunks. Granted it creates a convoluted schedule with people coming and going a whole lot, but it also means that (hopefully) no one family member burns out.

I also wondered if whichever sister it was had to leave to babysit Nate/Mel's kids was specifically requested. We know Anna/Mary do a lot with both families but the kids may have been feeling bereft of one more than the other just because of how the schedule has fallen, so maybe they really wanted that particular aunt to come.

As enmeshed as these three families are (Nate/Mel, Chris/Anna, and the mothership) I'm guessing Nate's kids may be feeling the strain - secondhand - with the aunts' larger involvement with Chris/Anna's kids.

8 hours ago, lilith said:

What the hell is Sarah doing?

In fairness, since Sarah is the regular blogger of "newsy" (I say that with great big air quotes, since not much is really newsworthy in Maxhell these days) she is probably downplaying her own involvement because it feels self-centered or braggy to even mention what she's doing. In other words, it's fine to brag on her sisters' hard work caring for their brother and his family in their time of need, but if she highlighted her own contributions that would be vain and self-serving.

Or maybe she's legitimately busy doing work that might not be exactly in line with the values the Maxes have promoted - like maybe she's doing bookwork for businesses other than her brothers' (*gasp*) and they just don't want to showcase that. Remember, all we get on the blog is a carefully curated look at their lives. I'd actually like to be a fly on the wall and see the bits they don't blog about.

[MamaJunebug]

Dropping in COLD (I haven’t read since yesterday) to reply to the earlier minor indignation that a wonderful FJite expressed at Melanie assuming that AnnaOrMary would sit her kids as soon as MaryOrAnna could leave The Christopher Maxwell Satellite HQ. 

My thoughts: Melanie likely married Nate with little idea of how weirdass her in-laws were, and how much worse they would become. 

She’s evidently been a good sport about The Way Things Are AND she’s succeeding in raising her children much better than Teri did.  Her kids have chickens, are dressed in not-frumpers, interact with non-Max cousins, seem to have genuine smiles and more ... self-assurance? ...  than Chris’s group? ISB, I know. 

Melanie is further apparently good at moving between her devout-but-not-nuts family of origin and Maxwellland. She even smiles with what appears (to me) to be genuine happiness with her folks and some siblings. 

Including the Nashville-based single-lady shoulders-baring country music sister. Who is dressed cutely as usual while Melanie wears an outfit from shmattas so pitiful that I’d cut them up and use for cleaning rags! 

Yes, I’d think Mel has earned every right to expect the very few perks that come along with being a Maxmare.  Readily available child care by The Aunties? Use it! What else would Anna / Mary do with their evening?

I’ll tell you, because it’s in the blogpost: They’d be in the fathership with their parents!  Children are cute and spontaneous and the Aunties like children! S & T: not cute. The opposite of spontaneous! A & M love their folks, but...like them? Who knows.

Yep, I’ll go so far to say Melanie does them a favor by exercising the child care option even as Chris is relying on them the rest of the workday! 

[freejugar]

Quote

Teri Maxwell says:

July 11, 2020 at 11:44 am

No, because of Covid-19, Christopher want to limit his children’s exposure to other people, which included cousins, aunts, and uncles. They did join in our Memorial Day and July 4th outside barbecues.

Reply

Um but he exposed himself to a bunch of randos at a wedding and on the airport and in the plane on the way to see his inmuoncompromised wife.

[Bethy]

2 hours ago, freejugar said:

Um but he exposed himself to a bunch of randos at a wedding and on the airport and in the plane on the way to see his inmuoncompromised wife.

It's a nice sentiment, given that his wife is less than a week away from coming home with basically no immune system, but has he considered that unless the aunts/Teri are as cloistered as his crew, it doesn't really matter? If Anna spends the afternoon/evening at Nate and Mel's, if the sisters go to church, if they share a room with Sarah who went over and did newborn portraits for John and Chelsy...these are all points of possible infection.

[MamaJunebug]

2 hours ago, freejugar said:

Um but he exposed himself to a bunch of randos at a wedding and on the airport and in the plane on the way to see his inmuoncompromised wife.

Dear dog, when I read “exposed himself.....!”

LMBO at the actual meaning. I first thought Josh Duggar must have been the subject!!!

[bluelady]

On 7/10/2020 at 8:03 PM, Lgirlrocks said:

I think Chris parenting and taking care of his kids wouldn’t be a problem if he came from a normal family. Most guys learn how to cook and clean for themselves. My mom stayed home 80% of the week and worked part time. She had my older brother doing his own laundry at 12. We all had chores and learned to cook and clean. My dad wasn’t much of a cook but he knew how to make eggs, sandwiches, soup from a can, and how to heat up pre made meals. If anything had happened to my mom he would have figured out how to take care of us and he worked two jobs out of the house. 
I get he has to provide but he should be taking care of his kids when he isn’t working. I can see some help with meals, they could spend one night doing meal prep a week. It’s sad. His kids need him and probably want to be spending more time with him. 

Very true.  When my parents divorced my sister and I lived with my dad.  The first year he served some odd dishes for dinner (edible, but strange) and our outfits were sometimes mismatched and usually wrinkled.  He hired someone to come once a week to do the bigger cleaning jobs around the house.  His metric for the first year was "The girls are fed.  The girls are clean.  Their clothes are clean".  And he learned.  His cooking got much better (we're going over this evening for his homemade pulled pork and ribs).  He tried his best to iron what needed to be ironed and put us in charge of picking out our own clothes.  He kept the cleaning person, though, and I can't say I blame him.  And what do I remember about that time?  Getting our first CD player and having a dance party to Bon Jovi in the living room.  Him insisting on making me and my sister freshly squeezed orange juice every morning and getting to eat chicken nuggets in front of the tv on Friday nights.

Chris absolutely can do this on his own (with some help with the bigger tasks).  He's been led to believe he can't, imo.

[Foudeb]

The most charitable explanation I can think of is that Chris and Anna are used to looking after the kids together. 6 close together is a lot of little children. With Anna gone an aunt comes in to do her half of the child wrangling as they are not expecting any one person to look after 5 littles plus full time job. 

I do hope they keep that up after Anna comes back. She needs to put her feet up and that may not come easily to her. 

[Tangy Bee]

Here are some sad thoughts from me. If Anna and Mary were married already...who would help? We don't hear about Elissa, Chelsey, and Melanie leaving their kids to help. And Melanie's oldest daughter is old enough to watch her siblings. I use to do it all the time. I'm not saying they don't care or wouldn't offer any help at all. It's just obvious that they are busy with their households. I wonder have all the little girls ever had a sleep over with their cousins ? 

Edited July 12, 2020 by Tangy Bee
Punctuation

[nausicaa]

17 hours ago, freejugar said:

Um but he exposed himself to a bunch of randos at a wedding and on the airport and in the plane on the way to see his inmuoncompromised wife.

If this pandemic has taught me anything, it's that people have no clue how vectors work. 

[MamaJunebug]

4 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

Here are some sad thoughts from me. If Anna and Mary were married already...who would help? We don't hear about Elissa, Chelsey, and Melanie leaving their kids to help. And Melanie's oldest daughter is old enough to watch her siblings. I use to do it all the time. I'm not saying they don't care or wouldn't offer any help at all. It's just obvious that they are busy with their households. I wonder have all the little girls ever had a sleep over with their cousins ? 

I thought about Abby watching, too, especially since the most of the fam-damily is within a short run from Chez Nate. 

My charitable assumption: It was Abby who Melanie had to take somewhere.

I forget B & C’s ages but pretty sure it would be too much to leave them with two preschoolers even if Mel took Debbo along.

Question 2: could Steve or Teri have hopped across the street for two or three 15-minute time-periods to guard their precious grandblessings? No, huh? Hm. No surprise. But unmarried, compliant aunts who can be dispatched at any time to care for the children of the dynasty - that’s probably all part of Stevovah’s might plan. 

Edited July 12, 2020 by MamaJunebug

[daisyjane1234]

7 hours ago, bluelady said:

Very true.  When my parents divorced my sister and I lived with my dad.  The first year he served some odd dishes for dinner (edible, but strange) and our outfits were sometimes mismatched and usually wrinkled.  He hired someone to come once a week to do the bigger cleaning jobs around the house.  His metric for the first year was "The girls are fed.  The girls are clean.  Their clothes are clean".  And he learned.  His cooking got much better (we're going over this evening for his homemade pulled pork and ribs).  He tried his best to iron what needed to be ironed and put us in charge of picking out our own clothes.  He kept the cleaning person, though, and I can't say I blame him.  And what do I remember about that time?  Getting our first CD player and having a dance party to Bon Jovi in the living room.  Him insisting on making me and my sister freshly squeezed orange juice every morning and getting to eat chicken nuggets in front of the tv on Friday nights.

Chris absolutely can do this on his own (with some help with the bigger tasks).  He's been led to believe he can't, imo.

I love your dad!

This was pretty much our approach when our medically fragile kid had us in and out of the hospital for months.  We were juggling complex care, nurses in and out of the house, and constant health crises.  I also had other young kids.  Our general approach was a) are we sleeping - important when providing 24 hour care, b) are we eating healthy food,  c) are we having fun together as a family, and d) are the kids, and to a lesser extent the parents, able to participate in valued activities such as sports, music, visits.  You will notice that at no point on the list was there things like a clean house, matching outfits (if it was clean- hey!).  Self care and our family's QOL was the priority.  

Edited July 12, 2020 by daisyjane1234

[SPHASH]

5 hours ago, Tangy Bee said:

Here are some sad thoughts from me. If Anna and Mary were married already...who would help? We don't hear about Elissa, Chelsey, and Melanie leaving their kids to help. And Melanie's oldest daughter is old enough to watch her siblings. I use to do it all the time. I'm not saying they don't care or wouldn't offer any help at all. It's just obvious that they are busy with their households. I wonder have all the little girls ever had a sleep over with their cousins ? 

I'll give Chelsy a pass as she has a newborn and an 18 month old.  I wonder if John still travels for work.  If Elissa has helped at all we will never hear about it, plus she has three kids under 5.  Calia is too young to be a sister-mom to Kyle and Caleb.  Abby probably has watched her siblings a lot, poor thing.  I wonder if the new Anna Maxwell has ever driven up from KC to help out for a day.

Edited July 12, 2020 by SPHASH
ETA

[usmcmom]

23 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

Dropping in COLD (I haven’t read since yesterday) to reply to the earlier minor indignation that a wonderful FJite expressed at Melanie assuming that AnnaOrMary would sit her kids as soon as MaryOrAnna could leave The Christopher Maxwell Satellite HQ. 

My thoughts: Melanie likely married Nate with little idea of how weirdass her in-laws were, and how much worse they would become. 

She’s evidently been a good sport about The Way Things Are AND she’s succeeding in raising her children much better than Teri did.  Her kids have chickens, are dressed in not-frumpers, interact with non-Max cousins, seem to have genuine smiles and more ... self-assurance? ...  than Chris’s group? ISB, I know. 

Melanie is further apparently good at moving between her devout-but-not-nuts family of origin and Maxwellland. She even smiles with what appears (to me) to be genuine happiness with her folks and some siblings. 

Including the Nashville-based single-lady shoulders-baring country music sister. Who is dressed cutely as usual while Melanie wears an outfit from shmattas so pitiful that I’d cut them up and use for cleaning rags! 

Yes, I’d think Mel has earned every right to expect the very few perks that come along with being a Maxmare.  Readily available child care by The Aunties? Use it! What else would Anna / Mary do with their evening?

I’ll tell you, because it’s in the blogpost: They’d be in the fathership with their parents!  Children are cute and spontaneous and the Aunties like children! S & T: not cute. The opposite of spontaneous! A & M love their folks, but...like them? Who knows.

Yep, I’ll go so far to say Melanie does them a favor by exercising the child care option even as Chris is relying on them the rest of the workday! 

*raises hand* Pretty sure that was me; and I see your point. 

Edited July 12, 2020 by usmcmom
Clarity