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Maxwell 40: Wearing Their Vests in an Apartment for Fun


Coconut Flan

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Thanks.  So they didn't ban family parties, just parties with non-family children.  I had to limit that kind of thing myself because some people go so overboard and it could get to be a competition.  If it was tough for a regular parent like me, it would have driven Steve around the bend to deal with people having clowns, pony rides, or taking a group kids to an arcade or any kind of family entertainment center.  I bet even a McDonald's party made him nervous.  That said I don't agree with how "cheap" they make the family parties appear.  I would never stick a candle in a cookie and call it done with a couple of hand made signs.

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Just another reminder of the dreariness & fear driven rules of life with Steve Maxwell. No child can every measure up, so they will always feel inadequite. Always feel less than as though they failed. Because feelings of joy & self are normal, natural human emotions - particularly for a child & particularly for that child's birthday. As usual, Steve takes things to extremes. Don't talk with your child and explain selfishness, or teach them compassion & sharing & giving. Cut off any and all opportunities for that child to learn about thier own emotions, grow a sense of worth, and feel joy at being special on one day a year. 

 

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No, they didn’t ban family parties, and I don’t mind simple, family parties, but Teri’s comment of “pulling back” even that if the birthday child got too excited and “selfish” concerned me.
I’m picturing Steve and Teri watching those kids like a hawk and taking away birthday privileges if they heard the words “my” and “birthday” in the same sentence. 
 Now Teri writes about how excited the grandkids seem over their upcoming birthday dinner with she and Steve.
Just hoping they don’t decide that’s selfish of the grandkids 

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Imagine being so uncreative you have to ask the internet for suggestions of things to do with your grandkids on their birthdays.

 

Anna Marie is having her final treatment and will be coming home!

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Stevehova and Terri would really dislike my goddaughter. She informed me when she was turning 4 that the whole month of July was her birthday.  Not just July 26, but the whole month of July.  She would not get the 2 1/2 hours in Maxhell. She would probably be in the Prayer Closet. She will be 9 next week an yes, the whole month is still her birthday. 

Edited by divadivine
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The Maxwells have an amazing talent for sucking the joy and spontaneity out of every possible experience. 
My 4 year old talks about her upcoming birthday almost every day. She evaluates potential gifts, plans her cake and dinner, deliberates about what dress and fairy wings will be worn, asks about if her grandparents will be there. She has gracefully accepted that there won’t be a party with friends because of COVID but is very much looking forward to her one and only 5th birthday. And that anticipation and excitement is part of the joy for all of us. She won’t show such uninhibited wonder for many more years and this is the last time we will have a 4 year old, so we are all enjoying it. We occasionally have to have a word to keep her expectations realistic, but she accepts that and isn’t being greedy - it doesn’t take much to impress a 4 year old and make her feel super special.  I can’t imagine seeing her joy and anticipation as something to be quashed instead of encouraged.

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Duggar 

5 hours ago, IReallyAmHopewell said:

Maybe Christopher or Nathan or whoever said, "Do not do that to my child?" I doubt it, but maybe either that or possibly, Steve saw that it was a ridiculous thing to punish a kid for. I know Gothard did not want Birthdays celebrated at some point--maybe that changed? Remember the weird birthday song the Duggars sang? Yeah, that. Not about you. About God in you and how he's blessing you.

Duggar birthday song:

Happy Birthday to you, a Happy Birthday to you, may you feel Jesus near, every day of the year, Happy birthday to you, a Happy Birthday to you, and the best one you ever had!

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1 hour ago, divadivine said:

Stevehova and Terri would really dislike my goddaughter. She informed me when she was turning 4 that the whole month of July was her birthday.  Not just July 26, but the whole month of July.  She would not get the 2 1/2 hours in Maxhell. She would probably be in the Prayer Closet. She will be 9 next week an yes, the whole month is still her birthday. 

It’s the Birthmonth. I enjoy mine and encourage it for all my children, friends & family. Grind your teeth, Steve! 

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10 hours ago, lilith said:

82F2631D-6961-4119-AFB3-FA0335D550EE.jpeg

Say what you will about the man, he's more flexible than I am to be able to sit cross-legged like that.

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I don't know anything about children, but isn't it developmentally appropiate for kids to get excited about birthdays and to talk about it all the time? It's cute imo.

Edited by freejugar
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2 hours ago, CyborgKin said:

Anna Marie is having her final treatment and will be coming home!

I just saw that! Glad she's getting her final treatment in, and I hope she stays safe and healthy on the flight home - and nosebleed-free. (I've never flown - does the pressurizing/depressurizing in a plane make nosebleeds more likely for someone already prone to them?) It seems a bit strange that after planning all along that she'd have her final chemo on a Tuesday and then fly the following Friday, that now they're shuttling her onto a plane less than 24 hours after the final chemo - it makes sense that her levels would drop further in the days that follow, just strikes me as strange that the plan changed this way. I hope it's a medically sound choice and not "oh look, cheaper tickets!"

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I completely agree that these "parties" are rather boring and that they could certainly spruce them up a bit. However, most of their grandkids come from families with a lot of kids. I imagine they actually do enjoy these evenings as they get to be the only kid  with the attention of 5 or 6 adults. For a kid who is one of many this alone is special. 

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Anna Marie is coming home soon. Her immune system is low and she’s going to an airport and flying... not a good idea right now. NOT GOOD. 

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4 hours ago, SPHASH said:

Duggar 

Duggar birthday song:

Happy Birthday to you, a Happy Birthday to you, may you feel Jesus near, every day of the year, Happy birthday to you, a Happy Birthday to you, and the best one you ever had!

I thought they just sang that song for TLC because Happy Birthday To You isn’t in the public domain. 

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56 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

Anna Marie is coming home soon. Her immune system is low and she’s going to an airport and flying... not a good idea right now. NOT GOOD. 

Is it just my state and Hawaii that is requiring Covid-19 tests at the airport? 

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4 hours ago, freejugar said:

I don't know anything about children, but isn't it developmentally appropiate for kids to get excited about birthdays and to talk about it all the time? It's cute imo.

Little children can get reeeeallyyyyy excited for a birthday. Loud and even obnoxious. Asking the same for eleventy times. Because time is slow when they are waiting for the party! Usually parents just smile and try to calm down the kid. But Teri was deeply depressed and hated being a SAHM, so she couldn't stand the situation. I'm sure she knew that calling off the party was cruel, but don't forget she's the same mother that left 3 kids in a room unnatended during Steve's work journey (8, 10 hours daily?). 

*I'm absolutely aware that depression can make impossible to raise children. But there are doctors, drugs... and schools! Steve is to blame, but she is a dark person, too.

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My 5 year old's birthday is in November.  He's already talking about it.  My husband and I discussed parties and, since our boys have birthdays 6 weeks apart, we'd trade off big party years.  Last year my oldest got the big party with bounce castles and such and the youngest had his friends over to our house for games and cake.  This year (if we're allowed by then), the youngest will get the big party and the oldest can have his friends over.  

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Man, those birthday dinners seem pathetic. They couldn't go to the dollar store and get some balloons and party hats? Make some cheap cupcakes? Add a number candle to show you know their age? Anything? The gift could be SKIPPING Bible time and unlimited access to the animal crackers!

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You know, they obsess over their family's love of children, blah, blah, blah. You'd think they'd celebrate the fact that those children are here a bit more. 

"Yeah, it's your birthday! We love you and want to celebate your being here! You are so important and special and it's your turn to shine. You make us all so happy that you were born and we want to remember the day you joined our family in a very special way, just for you". 

But, no. That's too much life in a lifeless family. Too much joy in a joyless family. Too much focus on someone other than Steve. 

 

Edited by fundiefan
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33 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

But, no. That's too much life in a lifeless family. Too much joy in a joyless family. Too much focus on someone other than Steve. 

 

I said it years ago and I'll say it again....they mis-spelled the big gold name of their savior on their living room wall. It's S-T-E-V-E. 

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10 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Say what you will about the man, he's more flexible than I am to be able to sit cross-legged like that.

True.

That picture bothered me, though.  He put his hand on Teri's leg for the picture, couldn't he have put his arm around his granddaughter's shoulder too?

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7 hours ago, lilith said:

I thought they just sang that song for TLC because Happy Birthday To You isn’t in the public domain. 

It is now, but probably wasn’t when that episode aired.  It wouldn’t surprise me if the Duggars did Jesus-ify the song as a matter of course.

Incidentally, the Growing Up Born Again book has a different version:

”Happy Birthday to you 

Only one will not do

Take Christ as your Savior

And then you’ll have two!”

Edited by smittykins
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4 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Man, those birthday dinners seem pathetic. They couldn't go to the dollar store and get some balloons and party hats? Make some cheap cupcakes? Add a number candle to show you know their age? Anything? The gift could be SKIPPING Bible time and unlimited access to the animal crackers!

Right??!!?? I recently put more effort into a small party for my twenty two year old nephew.

We were supposed to drive several states away for his college graduation and officer commissioning but, of course, COVID shut it all down. He and my brother needed a place to stay on their long drive to nephew’s first duty station, so they stopped here for a night*.  I bought a grocery store bakery cake and some balloons. I looked for butter mints but couldn’t find them, so just set out a bowl of peanuts. I put together a tiny party for him. I wanted him to walk into my kitchen and know we remembered it was a special time for him.  I already had gifts bought for him.  He was so pleased, I can only imagine how happy a small child would be.  It was a huge pick-me-up for me too! 
 

*Having company during COVID...It made me so nervous but I could not refuse my brother and nephew a place to stay. We all stayed distant in the house and it turned into such a wonderful eighteen hours. 

Edited by usmcmom
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3 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Man, those birthday dinners seem pathetic. They couldn't go to the dollar store and get some balloons and party hats? Make some cheap cupcakes? Add a number candle to show you know their age? Anything? The gift could be SKIPPING Bible time and unlimited access to the animal crackers!

My mind drifted back to when Joe was courting Elizabeth Munck, whose family decorated a Christmas tree all year long with cheery seasonal trinkets and always splurged on colorful birthday table decorations.  Kudos to her for realizing how limited her life might have been in Maxhell.  Too bad for Joe, at the time, as I suspect he was probably looking for someone with a little more sparkle,and the Munck family seemed like they had fun on a regular basis.  However, he found Elissa who can cook, sew, garden, etc., thanks to her parents allowing her to participate in 4H.  Calia is always cutely dressed more like a typical preschooler than most of her other female cousins.  Joe is probably living pretty well with his best friend/second choice spouse.

  IIRC, I think it was Joe who supplied the kids with sparklers for the July 4th get together.  Joe may like a little fun once in a while, and I'll bet his kids get more than a cookie with a candle for their birthdays.  I don't think he and Elissa fully subscribe to his parents' admonitions, at least with the superficial things.

 

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47 minutes ago, petrushka said:

  IIRC, I think it was Joe who supplied the kids with sparklers for the July 4th get together.  Joe may like a little fun once in a while, and I'll bet his kids get more than a cookie with a candle for their birthdays.  I don't think he and Elissa fully subscribe to his parents' admonitions, at least with the superficial things.

 

If you saw Joe and his family walking into the family's 4th gathering, you'd have seen Elissa in her just-knee-length skirt and a cute top, Calia's bold striped T-shirt and ruffly skirt (that I bet has shorts attached underneath) and Kyle's plaid shirt, shorts, and flip-flops, and Joe in slim-fit jeans and an untucked shirt, toting small pyrotechnic things - they would've looked like a normal American family going to a family 4th of July celebration. Then Chris (we didn't see him, but you know he's always in a tucked-in polo with stiff khakis) and his kids, notably his daughters in some particularly unflattering frumpers with tall ankle socks and homely sneakers, looking drab and Obviously Fundie.

Joe may have acquiesced to the strict no-touch courtship, but he seems to be seeking a life away from his parents' strict rules. I wish we knew more about their child-rearing practices - like if the kids are limited to 15 minutes of puzzle time per day, or have their hand slapped if they touch their food. I wonder, too, if in non-pandemic times they have interactions with other families with small kids NOT named Maxwell, if they go to a traditional church, see her family regularly, etc.

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