Bro Gary Hawkins 14: Ween, glorious WEEN!

[AmazonGrace]

They should wear a mask to reduce the risk of leaving their DNA around for the government to find and map. All that spit they insist on spreading contains their DNA

Do these people ever get any blood tests? 

How do we get them implanted with a brain?

Edited July 12, 2020 by AmazonGrace

[Lillymuffin]

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary is celebrating his salvation anniversary with more conspiracy crap:

How do these people function on a day-to-day basis? I mean, it’s got to be difficult to be that willfully ignorant, doesn’t it? I’m actually almost speechless at how ridiculous it’s all gotten, and David D Smith asks if it, “sound(s) LOGICAL ?” (sic) 

[thoughtful]

6 minutes ago, Lillymuffin said:

I’m actually almost speechless at how ridiculous it’s all gotten, and David D Smith asks if it, “sound(s) LOGICAL ?” (sic) 

And, of course, Gary probably thinks it does. After all, this is the man who spouts bizarre and meaningless sentence fragments, then asks "Am ah making sense?"

Sometimes he gets silence when he asks, and it never stops him from going right on.

[PumaLover]

4 hours ago, MathQueen said:

Hey, [mention]PumaLover [/mention] I have really happy memories of spending summer vacations in Kingsburg as a child, waterskiing on the King’s River with my family and friends. I remember eating at the Parlier Inn, the restaurant with an airplane lodged in the roof (not really, just for effect). I wonder if it’s still there. It’s been forever since those times, but I loved them. Thanks for sharing. Fres-yes!

Yes!!! Last I saw, the airplane was still there. We used to go that way (old 41) to Fresno until they built the new freeway. We're actually heading down that way in a little while. Cool to know that someone else knows about Kingsburg!

[Ozlsn]

On 7/11/2020 at 5:05 AM, Xan said:

Maybe Becky just has sympathy for anyone who has lost custody of their children.  It just makes me wonder exactly what the story is with Becky and her children.

I suspect they got old enough to be allowed some say in where they'd prefer to live and said "mom's gone bonkers, Gary's creepy and we'd rather not traipse around the country in a state of mortal embarrassment caused by his incoherent preaching and begging. Also Dad's way less judgemental and relaxed."

[thoughtful]

Gary was live on Facebook. He's not driving - hooray! He is, however, quite defensive and pissy, and works himself into an enraged lather, with lots of whiny and stupid voices for imitating the people he hears in his head, challenging him.

Spoiler

"(tooth suck) All right, folks, good afternoon, good evening, uhh (tooth suck) Mondee morning, July the - 13th? Is this the 13th?"

He's staying in the mission quarters at New Life Baptist Church in Hudson Falls NY.

Most of this is his usual shit about politics, masks, telling us to save people from Hell instead of disease, stop watching the news (he includes Fox now, as well as all of the "Cs" - guess they're on his shit list now that they're down to about 80% Trumpasskissing, rather then 99%).

He keeps yelling, red-faced, about not telling others what to do, examining yourself, mote/beam, etc. Self-awareness, Gary - it's a thing.

Some people are so skeert they're wearing a mask everywhere, even in their own house. Somebody told him they'd gotten so used to it they forgot they had it on.

Sorta goes against your whole discomfort/carbon dioxide argument, Gar.

He knows he'd be unable to breathe in a mask because he has asthma. When did this diagnosis happen, Gary?

Gary says there's nothing wrong with learning, including foreign languages, as long as you use it to proselytize.

He rants about the "wrong" versions of the Bible, reaching his arms in all different directions as he mentions them.

Spoiler

"They got the Queen James Bahble now - sodomahts got a little Bahble."

At the idea that people find the NIV easier to read than the KJV, he gets very angry. "You are - you are -" he stops to actually growl with rage (it's at 6:30, if you want to hear this lovely sound):

Spoiler

" - you got a bunch o' rocks in your head 'swhat ah'm gonna say, ah'm gonna keep it pretty simple there,  you got a bunch o' rocks in your head, thinkin' the King James is - ah mean the NIV is easier to learn than the King Ja - because the King - the NIV is uh uh made up of the part of, uh uh uh of college degrees 'n' all the diff'rint kahnds o' thangs and it change out them words, 'n' ever'thing. The King James Bahble was somewhere between the 6th and the 9th grade level. But you can unnerstand the NIV a whole lot better? Well, you better check up on a few thangs, is all ah kin tell ya."

Somehow, I don't think the rocks are in the heads of NIV readers, Gary. You've got a damned rock tumbler on your neck, but nothing ever seems to get polished.

Gary is going to the eye doctor next week, and is not sure if they'll make him wear a mask, but he's ready to tell them he won't wear it the whole time he's in there.

Gary lost over five pounds last week, and he gives God all the glory.

He proudly tells us how "they" said you couldn't get in and out of New York, or have revivals, but he's done it. Gary, it wasn't like a carnival challenge, or David killing Goliath. You didn't ring the bell, win the kewpie doll, or kill the giant - you sneaked around for selfish reasons. There's no reason to be so full of yourself for being an asshole who endangers people.

Gary takes the fact that he's booked up as a sign that God is willing it all to happen.

Petulant: "You don't want revahval - people who want revahval get on their knees and get in touch with God."

Gary, you are talking at your phone - how do you know the people listening aren't on their knees?

"Worryin's a sin, if you don't know that. An listen, hey, ah'm not tryin', ah'm not upholdin' mahself 'n' makin' mahself on a footstool* because uh yep ah do worry sometahms. But it's still a sin."

* I think he means pedestal.

"God's tahred of this mess. If Gahhhd told Noah 'AH'M SICK 'N' AH'M GON' KILL THIS (unintelligible**) AH'M GON' FLOOD IT UP! AH'M GON TAKE KEER OF IT!' you don't think He's mad now? Huh?"

** "Nature," maybe? It's at 26:10, if anyone wants to check.

He got mostly supportive comments, but I'm sure he thinks this guy is going straight to Hell:

Spoiler

 

 

Edited July 13, 2020 by thoughtful
getting rid of extra picture

[griffin]

He also said he noticed his breathing is easier because he's lost five pounds. Ya say Wha? I'ma tell you sump'm. When you are as obese as he is, five pounds makes no difference Honey.  HAYMAN!

[Xan]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Somehow, I don't think the rocks are in the heads of NIV readers, Gary. You've got a damned rock tumbler on your neck, but nothing ever seems to get polished.

I love this!

I tried to listen to a bit of Gary but even a little bit of Gary goes a long way.  He's just getting angrier and angrier.  I think he's looking down the road and seeing more and more churches going to online services and that's not good for ole Gary's pocketbook.  Hey, listen, ahm gonna tell you,... listen.. Gary's skeert of not getting money.  Ahm just gonna keep it simple.  He's a sorry loafer who don't want no job.  

It was a pretty sweet job while it lasted there, Gary.  Too bad for you that it had to end.  That's good news for Jacob and Becky, though.  Maybe it's time you started practicing, "Would you like fries with that?" and you'd be damn lucky to get that job.  Most of those people are way better educated than you are and understand working to live.  Perhaps you'd be better suited to standing by the highway with a cardboard sign saying, "Will preach at you for $1.00".

[Dana723]

The thought that Gary mixed up pedestal and footstool is just hilarious...

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Worryin's a sin, if you don't know that. An listen, hey, ah'm not tryin', ah'm not upholdin' mahself 'n' makin' mahself on a footstool* because uh yep ah do worry sometahms. But it's still a sin."

No, Gary, it isn't. What is a sin is being so full of pride that you won't listen to experts and actually try and protect the vulnerable in your community by staying put. Vulnerable people in the churches you visit, in the Wal-Mart's you rant about, in your own family for crying out loud. 

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He knows he'd be unable to breathe in a mask because he has asthma. When did this diagnosis happen, Gary?

Try it Gary. Just try wearing the mask for when you're in public. You don't know you'd be unable to breathe, you are just coming up with excuses for why you don't want to wear a mask. 

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary takes the fact that he's booked up as a sign that God is willing it all to happen.

Whereas I take it as a sign that there are some bizarrely stupid people who apparently crave entertainment out there. Them and the pool party people.

[thoughtful]

25 minutes ago, Dana723 said:

The thought that Gary mixed up pedestal and footstool is just hilarious...

I agree. Sometimes I chide myself for wasting time listening to Gary rant, and then a gem like that comes up and I know it is all worth it.

Mom and I had our weekly Bananagrams game tonight (my first three words for one game were quiver, birth, and stop). Before we played, I updated her on the latest Garyisms. She said a footstool would make sense for someone who only deserves a very low pedestal.

I randomly yelled "HAYMAYUN!" as we played, but it didn't distract her, darn it.

1 hour ago, Xan said:

It was a pretty sweet job while it lasted there, Gary.  Too bad for you that it had to end.

Oh ye of little faith! He claims God has him all booked up. He should be on top of the world, after his week of being lauded and applauded in Maine.

I don't know if the anger was due to something specific he's just heard or read, an act, hunger, or just Gary being pissed off that we're not all saved, since he's been working so hard at it for so many years.

40 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

What is a sin is being so full of pride that you won't listen to experts and actually try and protect the vulnerable in your community by staying put. Vulnerable people in the churches you visit, in the Wal-Mart's you rant about, in your own family for crying out loud. 

If only Gary functioned with that kind of open-mindedness, logic and care for others. He really has his combination of magical thinking and cherry-picking down to a science, so that he gets to do whatever he wants, take the precautions he wants to take (like wearing a seat belt), and label anything he doesn't feel like doing as "not having enough faith in God."

 

[wallysmommy]

@thoughtful You are in rare form today!  Between Gary's rock tumbler head and picturing Nurie as a satyress prancing down the aisle for her wedding playing her pan flute you had me laughing almost to the point of tears.  

[grandmadugger]

Gary really makes me want to debate him. It might make his head explode. 

[thoughtful]

53 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

@thoughtful You are in rare form today!  Between Gary's rock tumbler head and picturing Nurie as a satyress prancing down the aisle for her wedding playing her pan flute you had me laughing almost to the point of tears.  

Why, thank you! And I return the compliment - the Bingo card is wonderful. You're still getting submissions over there, I see, so you may have to start working on a second one. We could end up with an actual competitive Bingo game by the time we're done.

23 minutes ago, grandmadugger said:

Gary really makes me want to debate him. It might make his head explode. 

I always imagine him, if confronted by someone intelligent and logical, sputtering and getting petulant for a while, then just  . . . deflating.

But it's probably impossible to debate with someone who:

- is absolutely sure that Heaven and Hell exist, and he knows exactly how to gain one and shun the other.
- has no original thoughts - only ideas planted in his head by others.
- never listens.

[AmazonGrace]

I think Gary is who they were thinking of when they said don't play chess with a pigeon. He'll knock over all the pieces, shit on the board and go away thinking he won.

[Four is Enough]

Oh, Laws.. live streaming Nurthan's wedding and bingo to boot! Then more Bro Gary? Don't know if I could take the strain...

[thoughtful]

Gary's on board with the schools not opening. Not for the same reasons as sane people who want children and teachers to be safe, but to avoid all of that transgender sex coming from a monkey:

Spoiler

HE in charge! And, as we already know, it BIBLE!

He also did a video, from the place they are mooching, of Becky practicing the piano.

 

[Ozlsn]

Gary in times gone past parents taught their children the skills they needed to work the farm, or hunt and gather, or work in the machines to survive. What are you teaching Jacob, grifting 101? Given the changes in society how long do you think it is before Jacob discovers that your "schooling" is worthless, and that you have left him with very few options in the society he lives in, especially if we go into recession and people can't afford to feed an extra mouth?

And if prayer works so well how about staying in one place and praying for food rather than traipsing all over the country risking yourself, your family and the congregations stupid enough to put up with you?

[PumaLover]

OK folks, Puma Cub and Mr. Puma and I are on vacation (remote area, where we're mostly outside and wearing masks if we're near anyone). We were supposed to be visiting my dad in Alabama but couldn't fly because of all the restrictions.

First night of vacation and I decide to check up on Bro. Sadly J-Rod has been taking up most of my free time because as we know, those threads are time-consuming (and my new dishes will be delivered on Thursday!!!!!). I asked my kid and husband what they thought Bro Gary was doing.

My daughter said eating chicken wings, being at a church, and asking the church for money. My husband also said something similar. I told them they were both probably accurate. Sorry that I am so SEVERELY behind on this thread but I will do my best to catch up. I'm assuming it's more of the same old, same old, but I'd be happy if Bro surprised us... nevermind. Not even worth typing. 

We drove over 7 hours today and not once did Mr. Puma have the urge to livestream from the road.

[thoughtful]

For once Bro Gary was as wordy in writing as he is on video. Gary, even if you use talk-to-text, have Becky proofread, will ya? Oh, and make paragraphs.

Spoiler

Highlights, in case you don't want to read the asshole's version of James Joyce's Ulysses:

"Today those sins or not that back how do you know by the way people live."

"If we don't stand for something will fall forever things."

And, of course, the classic:

"Give the devil a inch he'll take the ruler."

[thoughtful]

 

This should help Gary with his weight loss goals:

Quote

Walmart will require customers at all of its US stores to wear masks beginning next week, becoming the largest retailer to mandate facial coverings as coronavirus cases continue to rise.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/15/business/walmart-masks/index.html

The combination of not being able to buy as much unhealthful crap, and the exercise he will get while jumping around ranting about it should be good for him.

[AmazonGrace]

Communism! Tyranny! Free Gary! Boycott Wal-Mask's!

[thoughtful]

Gary was live again. Lots of tooth-sucking and tsking today.

He says he's in "the big city of New York," then corrects himself and says "big state of New York."

He tells us about his upcoming plans, and how he's "jumpin' at the bits to git back at it."

He says he's going to read something from Psalms, but veers off into talking about his Catholic "stalker" and telling us that our country is in a mess, addicted to media, the usual.

Psalm 37:1-4 - and he goes right back to talking about how bad the media is (now including Fox, although they used to be more truthful).

"Oh this Vahrises vahrises vahrises vahrises vahris gonna kill us! Now ah seen on there, ah don't even know how much of this stuff to take serious, but now they're sayin' there's a squirrel out there that's caught this binomic thang, ah don't even know how ya say it or what it is. Mah goodness! If that's the truth, just don't eat no more squirrel! Just ferget about 'em - let 'em live! Let 'em eat their nuts!"

Spoiler

Oh, Gary, you are a veritable fount of straight lines that don't even require punch lines. BTW, how do know about the bionic bubonic squirrel if you don't watch or read the news?

Gary says that, if you get on your knees and beg, God will give you the politicians you want in office.

He rattles off a long list of things he doesn't deserve. For once, I agree with him.

"You can have the phone on your Bahble, if you want," but you should also pick up the black book. "As the old Philippino used to say (Gary does an accent I can't even describe, at 12:45) 'de black boook, de black boook, de black boook.'"

A true Garyism - managing to be racist and obnoxious about someone he agrees with!

Gary imitates someone reading the Bible on their phone, waving his arm up and down and saying "stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke." 

Gary is very upset about people who say they are saved, but keep watching the news and posting stuff on Facebook.

I'm glad Gary is going to the eye doctor - hope they can get that beam out!

Churches used to preach against people shackin' up, but now they make 'em deacons. The thought of people dressing immodestly makes him growl.

"Modest? Women ain't modest. Stinkin' dresses come up above their knees and that's all they got for clothes? Mah Lord!"

People try to convince him that "cook shows" on TV are OK, but Becky don't need them anyway - she can already make a feast out of almost nothin'.

Just be careful about the kind of meat she gets, Gary.

Spoiler

 

[FeministShrew]

Gary is looking more & more like Jabba the Hutt's fatter, uglier, nastier brother.

At least Jabba owned his own business.

ETA: Ordinarily I try not to body shame anyone, but Griftin' Gary is fair game. Get a job, Gary!

Edited July 15, 2020 by FeministShrew

[AmazonGrace]

I think saying that Gary *knows* about the binomic squirrel might be a slight exaggeration. 

Gary knows facts in the same way that pufferfish know mountain cycling.