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samurai_sarah

Bro Gary Hawkins 14: Ween, glorious WEEN!

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wallysmommy

Another day, same GHaw.  "On the road again" heading to Maine, videoing while driving, drinking coffee, and following GPS instructions.  He's glad he was "borned in 'Merica."  He's also not "skeirt" of anything.  Revival is Sunday - Friday.  I can never recap as well as @thoughtful, but you can save yourself 6 minutes you'll never get back watching the video.  Nothing new to see there, folks.

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keepercjr
10 hours ago, clese said:

I do t understand why rebecca is so.oppossed to free national healthcare..because when all these evangelical people get sick they're so quick to get confined me accounts to pay for it..which is just grifting.

 

Becky is not opposed to free national healthcare.  She and Gary are availing themselves of Medicaid right now. How else are they able to see doctors and go to the hospitals?  She is opposed to others having it who she considers unworthy.  (same thing with the Rodrigueses - guaranteed they also used Medicaid)  Nobody else will be the right brand of Christian for these folks.  And because a Black democratic president did it makes it even worse.  If you ask people if they support the Affordable Care Act (ACA), they overwhelmingly say yes and many of the people who use it are conservatives who voted for Trump.  If you ask them if they support Obamacare (the nickname), they say no!  Because they hate everything Obama did, even if it benefited them.  That seems to be the driving force behind Trump's presidency... erase everything the 1st Black president ever did.  And they are achieving it at an alarming rate.  I watched a documentary about an area (of Texas maybe?) that had a scary shortage of doctors.  And all of the patients in those hundreds of square miles were using the ACA.  If the republicans get it repealed it will leave millions without health insurance. 

The first time my in laws had stable health insurance is when they passed the ACA.  My mother in law almost died in 2007 (ACA was passed in 2010) and her hospital and doctor bills were enormous.  They had no insurance.  They scraped together everything they had (and I believe they also borrowed from some family) to pay her surgeon but still had collectors coming after them for the hospital bill.  After the ACA passed she was able to get her knee replaced (would never have been able to do so before). 

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thoughtful

I had started listening to Bro Gary's first live (there were two!), then got distracted by  work-related things. @wallysmommy covered the basics, but you know I always love to pass along the exact wording of Gary's most ridiculous statements. The GPS loudly covers over a lot of what he says, but here are some highlights.

He pronounces Gouldsboro as "Ghoulsboro." No wonder they need revival - the town is haunted!

He ain't skeert to let people know he's been goin' to church because "church is the safest place in the world, where ya hear about Je - well, lemme jus' say this - when ya go to a Bahble-believing church, sad day we're in, there's a lot of churches, uh, somebody told me yesterday they seen a post ah made, or somethin' that ah posted or wrote on somebody else's wall, 'n' it said well y'all didn't invite God to church - it's His house. Well, ah agree with ya - God's always invited where ah'm, where ah'm at, but ah always take 'im with me, because, uh, uh, He lives within mah heart, and ah'm goin' to take Him to church with me, amen."

"They may think they're winnin' now," but God's in control, not the government.

Nobody is promised a tomorrow - he's getting ready for revival, "but they may have to bury me in Maine, I don't know."

"All this stuff that's goin' on, amen, and defrund, defundin, defriend, defundin' . . . " GPS drowns him out, but I assume he was talking about police, not Facebook.

Three hours later, Gary gets on again to announce that they are in Maine, just north of Augusta.

Save souls, encourage saints, uplift Jesus, keep on keepin' on because we all agree these are the last days, nobody wants to hear it, but he'll do it anyway, because Paul said "go preach," etc.

Becky warns him to be sure he's not speeding. He ignores her and keeps talking. He glances out the driver's side window, and must see someone pulled over by police.

"Bogeyman* already got him one, pulled over. But ah guess as long as ya don't do nothin' stupid, don' act stupid, they shouldn't have a problem with it amen?"

* I could be wrong, but it sure sounds like it - it's at 2:55, if anyone wants to check me.

So, Gary, are you pro-police or anti, or does it all depend on whether you want to break the law or some person with brown skin just wants to walk down the street and get to where they're going intact. Don't bother answering - I know.

By the standards of Gary and his friends, Brian's comment seems like great wit:

Spoiler

image.png.3f0dc958afbeb0a79031310e81e52236.png

 

 

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thoughtful

 

Oh, FFS, Gary - really?

image.png.bad8105a35c051219044b6d2328d2939.png

Even for Gary and his ilk, this is so mind-bogglingly stupid, childish and soaked in the stinking piss of conspiracy theory that it challenges belief.

The fact that your life, and the lives of those around you, matter, is the entire fucking point to wearing a mask, you suspicious cretins.

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wallysmommy

He did say "boogieman."  They have so much crap in the vee-hick-le that Jacob doesn't even have a place to sit.  Pathetic!

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Caroline
52 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

 

Oh, FFS, Gary - really?

image.png.bad8105a35c051219044b6d2328d2939.png

Even for Gary and his ilk, this is so mind-bogglingly stupid, childish and soaked in the stinking piss of conspiracy theory that it challenges belief.

The fact that your life, and the lives of those around you, matter, is the entire fucking point to wearing a mask, you suspicious cretins.

What a fool, and what nerve he has saying that in the state where I live when he knows he shouldn't be here in the first place.  Christian, my ass.

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Ozlsn
4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 

Oh, FFS, Gary - really?

image.png.bad8105a35c051219044b6d2328d2939.png

Even for Gary and his ilk, this is so mind-bogglingly stupid, childish and soaked in the stinking piss of conspiracy theory that it challenges belief.

The fact that your life, and the lives of those around you, matter, is the entire fucking point to wearing a mask, you suspicious cretins.

Man these morons want to think they're important. "We're a threat to the narrative and must be silenced", FFS. If they wanted to silence you it would have been done already, and no one would have known. 

Is it wrong that I kind of hope they find themselves unable to post to Facebook because the 4G network is down?

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Granwych
On 7/1/2020 at 3:30 PM, AmazonGrace said:

Why is it that the most selfish morons always think that they're the most righteous and always right?

It's like the old times when people skied to school all year around and it was uphill both ways.

You must have heard my father complaining.  Every year the snow got deeper, the school got farther away, and the students had to get up earlier to get to school on time.   And the teachers got more paddle-happy.

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smittykins

Did they have to walk barefoot?

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clese

Pretty sure I discovered this pastor whilst stalking bro Gary's page before he rudely blocked me.

I'm a kiwi and fascinated by the evangelicals and trumpets.

I see this new photo of him .and have to tell myself..hes a man of god?

 

Why?

Just why????

Can anyone explain??

Screenshot_20200705-090941_Facebook.jpg

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clese

So I just listened to gary preach..as he has blocked me from his fb page.

It sounded like there were 5 other people in the church. This includes mrs ghaw, little hawkins, and the two other preachers.

Gary rambled on and it was hard to know what he was talking about. He didnt mention someone he knew that wasnt *all there.....sigh...and how he loved to hear him sing even though he coukdnt hold a tune in a barrel.  Newsflash gary..when you and the mrs sung at the beginning my left ear blocked and my right eardrum tried to follow along..

Also...did he say he was a bit of a *jew.. when selling things?????????

I know one thing ..I did a lot of sighing during this ...whatever it was...and inadvertantly put my fingers to my temples and head shaking.

Oh, I remember now I * think the service was about bringing fun back into the church. I..think..

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AmazonGrace

Gary Hawkins, Bringing Fun Back Into Funerals. Please Send Money.

 

 

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thoughtful

The first service in Maine was indoors - maybe it rained yesterday, or Gary couldn't get together a team to put up the tent while he filmed. This church seems prettier than most they grift from - those windows help:

Spoiler

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The pastor announces the hymn The Fight is On, and jokes how, when he was in Bible school, that was always the hymn sung at Wednesday night service when there was a wedding scheduled for the weekend. Ha ha ha.

They belt it out, a capella. I've never heard this one before - it really has a college football fight song to it. There's a recording of it played on piano, at the link above, if anyone wants to be amused. Rah rah rah - go team! Fight sin!

After collection, he gives them a choice of hymns to do next, and a woman calls out "Let's do 'em both." So they do, a capella, then the Hawkinses come up to sing I'm Gonna Die on the Battlefield at the piano. I fast-forwarded through it all. I have my limits when it comes to enduring (or endearing, as Gary says) torture.

Gary has actually brought his Bible up, and set it on the piano before they sang. Good job, Gar. Jacob still has to bring him a bottle of water. Ah, well.

This is a yelling church, and everything Gary says gets "c'mon, preacher!" and "I like that!" "oooooh," grunting, and even whistling responses, which adds to the feeling they're watching sports or having sex. The pastor acts like he's hearing the best comedy act ever, slapping his knee and looking around to see who else loved that last punch line.

Gary rambles before and after announcing 2 Timothy 4:1-7. He says his theme is "fightin' the good fight" this time, but we've heard his thoughts on these verses many times; anything new or especially bizarre is below.

He tells us that Jacob has some knives, and Gary asks him why he's bringing a knife to a gunfight. Let's hope the latter is just metaphorical.

"You see what's goin' on and our freedoms 'n' all those different kinds o' things, they're being taken away from ussss. And they was fought, for our, from our forefathers."

"We got a bunch o' sissies in our pulpits today! We got a bunch o' sissies, hanging back 'n' jus' settin' back and jus' lettin' things go. Paul didn't, 'n' ah'm gonna tell ya raht now, what I wanna know about Paul er he wasn't no sissy. Now ah did hear a preacher trah to put him down to bein' a sissy one tahm, but ah'm gonna tell ya raht now, ah have studied the Bahble, and he ain't no, he ain't no sissy, and a sissy ain't gonna set in jail for the cause of Christ AMEN!"

Matthew 16:18-20 Peter is the rock. My first thought was that next would either be "if the building ain't the church, burn it down" or "my Catholic stalker."

It was the former, with the added ornamental trills: "I've heard this thing so much through the pandemic, it's about making me - and I know it's making God puke amen" and "ah told 'em to burn the stinkin' thing down, amen? Ah'm jus' mad enough to do it. If you're mad enough to act stupid, ah'm mad enough to tell you off."

"Mad enough," all three times, may have been "man enough" - hard to tell. Either way, Gary is being an ass, so does it matter?

Gary gets heated up, takes his phone out of his jacket pocket (taking no chances with what he really values) and gives the jacket a toss to the piano, without even looking:

Spoiler

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Gary, you're a fuckin' Fred Astaire.

He tells us to check his Facebook if we want to know how nasty he is, and tells us how he insulted his cousin, who claimed that it was OK to stay home, because she and her daddy were having church every day. "So if ya talk about church, you're havin' church, amen? 'N' ah said why in the world are you runnin' your mouth? You don't even go to church when there is church!"

He says something too garbled to understand (30:00 if anyone wants to give it a try), but clearly negative, about preacher's wives, because he follows it with "because they think they're better'n somebody else."

Even the few times he's missed church since the pandemic started was killing him.

The healing preachers on TV have all disappeared. He mocks Kenneth Copeland for a while.

After one of Gary's especially loud screams of "THE CHURCH!" the pastor puts his finger in his ear and rubs at it - I think that one hurt, Gar.

Spoiler

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Isaiah 40:8 - The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.

"This boook is alahv! It ain't a dead boook, it ain't a book that you, uh, it ain't a fairy-tale book with some stuff that somebody made up - this is THE BOOK!"

Fizzions 5:22-33 Gary on marriage - great.

He says his boy "fell in love, fell in somethin', ah ain't tell ya, haven't figured out what it is yet. He'll figure it out real soon, now."

He retells the story about Becky telling him he was in the "wrong prayer closet" when he told her they were going on the road to preach, and how, when he met her "she was an NIVer." Gary pauses after the latter, and the congregation goes completely silent, as if he'd said she was a murderer.

He told her she was wrong, and she "got over it, amen" - they all chuckle, including Becky.

Proverbs 22:6 -  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I shall resume after teaching, but I bet Gary will tell us to vote for Trump and whip our children - I'd prefer it the other way around, Gary.

As Douglas MacArthur once said . . .

Spoiler

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Granwych
On 7/4/2020 at 8:09 AM, smittykins said:

Did they have to walk barefoot?

Of course!   You must have heard these stories before, lol!

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Ozlsn
On 7/4/2020 at 12:03 AM, MayMay1123 said:

The man had 19 children, I figure everyone in WV is probably related to me some how 😁 I'll have to look up Taylor's Drain, ty

Heh, this is me and Tasmania. When people from families with 14 children marry other people from families with 14 children and then go on to have 14 children... well the family ties get complicated quickly. Heh.

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Ozlsn
3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary has actually brought his Bible up, and set it on the piano before they sang. Good job, Gar. Jacob still has to bring him a bottle of water. Ah, well.

C'mon now, he only has two hands!! And (more to the point) one brain cell. You can't expect him to remember everything!

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

This is a yelling church, and everything Gary says gets "c'mon, preacher!" and "I like that!" "oooooh," grunting, and even whistling responses, which adds to the feeling they're watching sports or having sex. The pastor acts like he's hearing the best comedy act ever, slapping his knee and looking around to see who else loved that last punch line.

This congregation really needs Netflix. I'd say "to get out more", but given the pandemic I think they just need better quality entertainment.

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He tells us that Jacob has some knives, and Gary asks him why he's bringing a knife to a gunfight. Let's hope the latter is just metaphorical.

Heh. A friend of mine just posted the answer to that, which is "because I can't open the bag of chips with the gun". Stay safe Jacob, and may all your gunfights be metaphorical and involve chips.

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Even the few times he's missed church since the pandemic started was killing him.

Metaphorically, and with chips involved I think.

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He says something too garbled to understand (30:00 if anyone wants to give it a try), but clearly negative, about preacher's wives, because he follows it with "because they think they're better'n somebody else."

Better than you specifically I think there Gary, what with the working in ministry, and caring for others and being all edu-ma-cated, and having quite likely done a lot more Bible study and a lot more hands on caring for people. I cannot imagine why any preacher's wife would possibly see you as an ignorant, grifting, unappreciative fool that she has to tolerate in her space until they get rid of you.

Oh wait, yes I can.

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thoughtful

OK, folks - back to Gary's words of wisdom on training up a child.

Gary tells us about a great preacher whose son went to prison. But he did say that if he hadn't gone to prison, he would have gone to Hell.
:confusion-shrug:

Gary says that some of his own kids have departed from the path. So, that train up thing doesn't work? Got it.

Oh, wait - he wandered in his youth, but his mama and daddy kept prayin' for him and he came back. So that should fix it.

When you go to vote on November the 3rd "maybe ya better go early, 'cause if ya die, yall probably vote Democrat, amen. HAYMUN."

That's gets a big laugh. It took me a second, then I realized the "joke" was that cheating Democrats would somehow steal the votes of dead people.

He then, of course, tells them to vote for their children, but "ah didn't say nobody's name," after which he makes it clear that he's not ashamed, and he's "votin' Donald Trump, all the way."

Yeah, Gary - we'd figured it out. And you should be ashamed, but I don't think you are capable of feeling shame.

So we got voting Trump, but not whipping, this time. As Eliza Doolittle would say, that's a mercy anyhow.

Luke 10:2 Gary's going to keep giving out tracts, even if they put him in the electric chair.

Drama queen.

"Duct tape can fix some things, but ah'm not sure it can fix mah mouth amen."

Don't lose your burden. After some sentence fragments that seem to be about churches losing people, he says "Even some these mega-churches that don't believe nothin' have seen a big fallin' away."

He does his corona spiel - he hasn't thrown a stone, it's no worse than the flu, etc. This time he adds something about swine flu, but it will all go away on November 4th "whether we win or lose."

NBC and ABC an' all them Cs is lying to you - there aren't as many cases as they say, and none of them are that bad. He knows, because he's talked to some people and seen some videos.

Way to use that scientific method, Gar.

He announces 2 Timothy 1:2, then reads something completely different. The pastor looks at Becky:

Spoiler

image.png.4cd62e48a1ecce0309a66c8462b39147.png

as if she'd know WTF is wrong with her husband. She says "I don't know where he was," and they share a laugh.

Spoiler

image.png.300f98b5bd2aa59e735924b667cb1b06.png

Someone asks him where he is, and this time he says 2 Timothy 1:12.

Gary's not ASHAMED of his beliefs. He does the Pope hope dope joke, and the pastor wheezes with laughter, and slaps his leg three times.

1 Peter 2:9   Gary does the "spiritual soap" digging in to his heart bit - no dishrag this time.

Gary says preachers should be strange.

Gary looked at a picture of Lester Roloff, and thought the eyes were following him around the room. "Those old-tahm guys had some kinda look. And ah think it was the look o' God."

He not only does the "tadpoles know my SSN" joke, he adds that he's afraid they're gonna give it to somebody someday. The pastor chuckles and pounds the back of the pew twice.

The rest is more Garybabble.

That pastor is one easy laugh.

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Xan
2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

OK, folks - back to Gary's words of wisdom on training up a child.

Gary tells us about a great preacher whose son went to prison. But he did say that if he hadn't gone to prison, he would have gone to Hell.
:confusion-shrug:

Gary says that some of his own kids have departed from the path. So, that train up thing doesn't work? Got it.

Oh, wait - he wandered in his youth, but his mama and daddy kept prayin' for him and he came back. So that should fix it.

When you go to vote on November the 3rd "maybe ya better go early, 'cause if ya die, yall probably vote Democrat, amen. HAYMUN."

That's gets a big laugh. It took me a second, then I realized the "joke" was that cheating Democrats would somehow steal the votes of dead people.

He then, of course, tells them to vote for their children, but "ah didn't say nobody's name," after which he makes it clear that he's not ashamed, and he's "votin' Donald Trump, all the way."

Yeah, Gary - we'd figured it out. And you should be ashamed, but I don't think you are capable of feeling shame.

So we got voting Trump, but not whipping, this time. As Eliza Doolittle would say, that's a mercy anyhow.

Luke 10:2 Gary's going to keep giving out tracts, even if they put him in the electric chair.

Drama queen.

"Duct tape can fix some things, but ah'm not sure it can fix mah mouth amen."

Don't lose your burden. After some sentence fragments that seem to be about churches losing people, he says "Even some these mega-churches that don't believe nothin' have seen a big fallin' away."

He does his corona spiel - he hasn't thrown a stone, it's no worse than the flu, etc. This time he adds something about swine flu, but it will all go away on November 4th "whether we win or lose."

NBC and ABC an' all them Cs is lying to you - there aren't as many cases as they say, and none of them are that bad. He knows, because he's talked to some people and seen some videos.

Way to use that scientific method, Gar.

He announces 2 Timothy 1:2, then reads something completely different. The pastor looks at Becky:

  Reveal hidden contents

image.png.4cd62e48a1ecce0309a66c8462b39147.png

as if she'd know WTF is wrong with her husband. She says "I don't know where he was," and they share a laugh.

  Hide contents

image.png.300f98b5bd2aa59e735924b667cb1b06.png

Someone asks him where he is, and this time he says 2 Timothy 1:12.

Gary's not ASHAMED of his beliefs. He does the Pope hope dope joke, and the pastor wheezes with laughter, and slaps his leg three times.

1 Peter 2:9   Gary does the "spiritual soap" digging in to his heart bit - no dishrag this time.

Gary says preachers should be strange.

Gary looked at a picture of Lester Roloff, and thought the eyes were following him around the room. "Those old-tahm guys had some kinda look. And ah think it was the look o' God."

He not only does the "tadpoles know my SSN" joke, he adds that he's afraid they're gonna give it to somebody someday. The pastor chuckles and pounds the back of the pew twice.

The rest is more Garybabble.

That pastor is one easy laugh.

I find Gary disturbing for pretty obvious reasons.  Today, the little bit of the sermon that I watched, I was also disturbed by the pastor... er, "pasture".  He just enjoyed the crap out of Gary and laughed frequently.  Why?  Is it that he and other followers are just simple?  Maybe they think everything is black and white, good and evil, and if one of their own is speaking, everything he says must be correct?  Gary's been there before.  They've probably heard these jokes before.  Somehow, he's still a hit.

Stay in Maine, Gar.  You've found your audience.  If you can locate red weens up there, it's as close to heaven as you're ever going to get.

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keepercjr
3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 

Gary says that some of his own kids have departed from the path. So, that train up thing doesn't work? Got it.

You know he is talking about Becky’s kids... 

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thoughtful
Posted (edited)

Monday evening revival, under the tent  roof.

They sing some hymns, a capella, in many keys at once. Maybe, since  they're in New England, they are going for a Charles Ives polytonal effect. One of the hymns is The Old Rugged Cross (I listened to a few seconds, and could tell from the words), so Gary must have been happy.

The Hawkinses sing at the piano, as well. I skipped it all.

John 19:17-30  Gary can barely get through this very well-known text. I'm sad to say that none of his errors were funny, though - just pitiful.

You've heard of Christmas in July? Well, Gary seems to want Good Friday in July. I think Gary would like to talk about the Crucifixion and torture and burning in Hell  every day.

Theoretically, I can see how the Independent Baptist approach - no specific prayers that must be said, no cycling through a liturgical year or reading Scripture in order - could be liberating.

But Gary uses it as an excuse to return to pet readings that support his politics, guilt-mongering, self-righteousness, love of gore, and inability to come up with new thoughts.

OK, enough diversion - back to the cross.

The yelling starts right away, in both directions. Gary's blood won't do you no good, but Jesus' will.

Becky gives her water bottle to the pastor to give to Gary. Hope Jacob is OK.

Psalms 103:12 - As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Gary is glad God has forgotten his sins. God was worshed your sins really far away - see:

Spoiler

image.png.fc994d4c708c88aedc48b67f0d389f9b.png    image.png.c2cc2d755a8868419ab688576e3150bc.png

Sporty ensemble, Gary.

Speaking of clothes, he tells us his oldest boy used to say he'd like to wear a purple shirt. Gary said "Not under mah roof, amen," and got the answer "Well, Jesus did."

"I said, 'and also, Jesus was beaten - do you wanna be beat? I won't have a problem doin' it.' Hey, (inaudible) was talkin' yesterday that his Mama and Daddy would say whenever they whupped him that it hurt them worse than it hurt him. I wantcha to know, when I told mah kids, when mah kids got whuppin's, ah said 'it ain't gonna bother me one ounce.' (incoherent bellow, lots of arm waving) AMEN!"

I guess we had to hear about beating children today, since he left it out yesterday.

:cry:

BTW, this followed right on the stuff about Jesus forgiving and forgetting all of our sins. Ya ask whah? Fucked if I know.

Oh, and Becky and much of the congregation were in hysterics laughing about how funny it is to beat children, and to threaten beatings because they want to wear a purple shirt.

WTF is wrong with these people?

Gary says "Colossians chapter 14" then realizes there is no such thing. Oh - Colossians 1:14 - In whom we have redemption through his blood.

Oh, goody - blood!

"Ah unnerstan' there is some people that have blood, that you kin, you kin donate blood, and you can help some people."

Who knew?

"But it's only for a temporary thang, because we're in a temporary world. But Jesus' blood, y'know people say, 'well what about you got a bloody religion,' you absolutely raht. Every bit of Jesus' blood took away every bit o' mah sins amen. Ah'm talkin' 'bout listen hey His blood, He shed His blood. Some say He dropped it, some say he poured it out, some even say it's still sittin' there, ah personally believe, ah studied the Bahble, He's got the bloood settin' raht beside him in Heaven, amen. Wantin' to do what? Wash the world's blood - sins- away."

This is a very Gary image - we already know he pictures Jesus on the edge of his chair, ready to blow that heavenly vuvuzela to usher in the end of the world. Now we have him with a bucket o' blood, and, no doubt, Gary's spiritual dishrag, ready to wash our sins away.

Gary says that, when he's in Heaven, he will have Jesus' blood running through him.

1 John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us.

Gary says you can ask his wife - he's not always lovable. Becky says a loud AMEN. They have this comedy routine worked out, folks.

He says that Jesus died and gave his only begotten son. I think that's at least the third time he's blessed us with that original theology.

He tells us that he was given his truck because God loves him.

Gary says he's trying to lose 100 pounds, but he'll still have enough flesh to do wrong.

Luke 24:5-7  God is alive, and Gary has to shout about it for a few minutes.

Gary reminds us that Buddha and Mohamed are in Hell. At least he didn't say Allah this time.

Ephesians 2:1-4

We get stinky Lazarus for the first time in a while. "We all were stinkin' in some kinda filth before (drowned out by yelling)."

"All these clinics they got for dopeheads cain't take it away from ya, ya say how d'ya know? Ah worked with a guy, 'n' ah finally had to quit 'cause ah came home smellin' like a dope every naht."

"Here's a difference between a lost man that don't give a flip 'n' listen hey matter of fact just told, they told me the other day that mah cousin, after many years o' bein' married to the same woman, came home one day 'n' told 'im said 'ah want you to leave.'" 

:confusion-shrug:

Gary does his "sin makes women ugly" bit, talking about the preacher who had the pictures of a woman who gradually deteriorated due to sin and his cousin who got kicked out of a car - we've heard those before, but this time he adds this:

"Mah Daddy talked about how whenever he first met mah mother, 'n' how when he first seen her, how beautiful a  girl she was. You see her now? That's what sin does to ya. Messes you up."

:wtf:

Gary, you're a shitty son. And, if you were quoting your father there, he's a shitty husband. The woman is in her 60s and in kidney failure, and has probably worked hard all her life serving men - if she's no longer a "beautiful girl," those things might be the cause, not sin (not to mention that it's shallow of you, and none of your fucking business). 

"You think about this - bulletin boards! I know Peter (inaudible) was prob'ly one of the best artistses that there prob'ly ever been in the days as far as the Christianity world, ah know there's some others that can do that, but amma tell you raht now the Devil has (inaudible).

:confusion-shrug:

Oh, he's talking about billboards! He keeps calling them bulletin boards, and does his bit about how the women on them aren't fat, but a "skinny, beautiful, naked woman," because the Devil wants you to drink "Bud-dumber."

Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

The loudest yelling I think I've ever heard in my life follows.

Gary says that he said something wrong, in church, once, 15 years ago. God kept him up all night, convicting him.

John 14:1-4  Gary's heavenly mansion will not have rats or bedbugs - someone in the congregation calls out "black flies," and Gary repeats it, and adds "the state bird of Maine - mosquitos."

Then he cracks wise about his wife wanting her own place in Heaven.

These people are such sophisticated wits.

Gary, who never seems able to decide whether his flesh and possessions will go with him to Heaven, goes on about sand not ruining your heavenly vehicle, and all of the foods he will eat without ever getting fat. Some of his more delicious choices, involving the word "fried," are repeated reverently by members of the congregation.

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

He tells how his oldest son was saved - Gary told him it was bedtime after devotions, and he said "I can't go to bed, I'm going to Hell." Gary tells us he said "'You say you can't go to bed, and you're goin' to Hell, but you're just gonna sit there. Ah can make you get on your knees, ah can make you say a prayer, but that's not how salvation works.' And he got on his knees, and to that day, he says he got saved."

Then we get Jacob's salvation story, which we've heard before - when he was 10, he got up out of bed where they were grifting  - er, taking care of a church for someone on a mission. Gary says he thought at first that someone was breaking in, so I guess Jacob is lucky he didn't get shot. He started pounding on Gary's bedroom door, Gary said "What in the name of God is your problem?" and Jacob said (well, bellowed, if Gary's imitation is accurate) "Ah'm goin' to HELL!"

These bedtime salvation stories chill me to the bone. How terrifying it must be to be a child in that family.

Gary ends on a note of hope, reminding us that there's a casket waiting.

:roll:

Edited by thoughtful
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Xan
19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary does his "sin makes women ugly" bit, talking about the preacher who had the pictures of a woman who gradually deteriorated due to sin and his cousin who got kicked out of a car - we've heard those before, but this time he adds this:

"Mah Daddy talked about how whenever he first met mah mother, 'n' how when he first seen her, how beautiful a  girl she was. You see her now? That's what sin does to ya. Messes you up."

What the hell?  That's how a supposed Christian talks about his mother?  She fed him and dressed him and kept him clean and he goes around telling everyone that she's old and ugly because of sin?  I knew he was awful.  I just didn't realize how awful he really is.  

The imagery of Jesus sitting up in Heaven with a bucket of blood to wash people clean is bizarre.  I understand that Gary and his ilk have taken the "washed in the blood of the Lamb" a bit too far but to now believe that Jesus is actually going to sponge him off as he enters the Pearly Gates?  I can't even...

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thoughtful
Posted (edited)

Still indoors tonight. Don't they want your wonderful tent, Gary?

They sing Love Lifted MeNo, Not One, and Satisfied. I think they are attempting the shouty, Sacred Harp, shape-note style, and sometimes they almost make it.

The Hawkinses sing It's Under the Blood. The pastor occasionally shows his appreciation by raising his Bible high in the air and waving it back and forth.

Spoiler

image.png.6385a5140064b6151b0664c9fbe7210e.png

I guess a cigarette lighter would be inappropriate.

Gary actually brought everything he needs to the front, all by himself. What a big boy.

Gary announces Genesis 3, rambles for a while, and finally reads:

"And the serpent was more substle." Also, of course, Adam and Eve saw that they were "nekkid." He adds words, leaves some out, stops to comment and give mini-sermons, and stumbles through the entire chapter.

Yelling: "The Devil has tooken this raht here and destroyed a family. Ah mean hey, he put a division raht between Adam and Eve amen. 'N' ya look at this and ya think all of a sudden," (suddenly very quiet) "perfectness is gone."

He's preachin' to the saved tonight, because the "drunkard's gonna do what the drunkard's gonna do." Ditto for the "harlot and the dopehead."

He's concerned about people that "go to church on a normal basissss," because, during this pandemic tahm, they've decided it's OK to stay home and watch church livestreamed.

He read a statistic that 50% of people who were supposed to be watching their church "was not even watching their church."

John 8:44 - Gary reads most of this wrong, including making some of it mean the complete opposite, then roars for a while about the Devil, and they yell back at him.

Gary yells about another church (he won't name names, but it's a couple of hours away), that is going to be closed down by the Devil, unless they stop tryin' to be in control and "hang on to their flesh"

:wanker: ?

People thinking they need to stay home due to Covid-19 is a lie of the devil.

Someone in the congregation calls out "uh-oh" frequently during Gary's rants, and it took me three days to figure out who it sounded like. It just occurred to me:

Matthew 26:14-15. The Devil will get you to sell out, like Judas did (Gary, Judas did what he was supposed to do).

Secular stuff that Gary doesn't like is everywhere in churches now. When he bought his bus, from another preacher, "one of the breakers had on there, a disco light!"

He reaches up when he says this, so if anyone has any idea what part of a bus (or RV) he's talking about, let me know. Maybe he means it was hanging from the roof, but wired in to one of the circuit breakers? :confusion-shrug:

He tells his story about someone once asking him to come give a "performance" and how he mocked them to Becky and claimed he didn't even know what a performance is. This time he adds that a pastor once introduced them by saying they were going to sing and "testify," instead of singing and preaching. I have no idea why that bothered him, but apparently it did.

Coffee shops and "honky tonks" in church mean you are selling out to the Devil.

"We're sellin' our religious rahts."

Some of his family that claim they're saved ain't saved. "Sometahms ah pray mah family could go to prison, at least they'd have a chance to hear the gospel o' Jesus Christ amen."

  :wtf:

Gary, if I didn't know better, I'd think someone dared you to say something even more offensive and hateful than what you said about your mother last night, and you took the dare.

John 12:40 "The news media has got us blind."

More blood and gore (whenever Gary says people "was burned to the stakes," plural, I can't help picturing steaks).

Back to Genesis 3, Eve and the tree. Gary ends up reading most of it again, a few verses at a time, from here to the end. Gary, you're repeating yourself. He also repeats his spiel about billboards (gets the word right this time), and says they don't tell you you'll be "puking your guts out."

Gary loves to slip that image into his sermons, doesn't he?

He screams about how tragic divorce is for the poor children.

Pot, kettle, mote, beam - you know what I'm thinking.

He screams about TV preachers and JWs and others, because they are getting the money he wants -- er, sorry - because they are "FALSE PROPHETS!"

Back to Eden. Roared: "You wahves, you wanna know whaaah that you haveta be under your husband?" (suddenly quiet) "Because God said so."

Adam and Eve were equal, side by side, in the Garden, until they "messed up."

Gary points out that Adam blames Eve, and Eve blames the serpent, and he mocks people who blame others for their problems. Get a better mirror, Gary.

BTW, he bellows "NO JOY!" before and after making this point. I don't know how joy enters into it - it seemed like he was talking about responsibility, accountability, and not blaming others.

Gary bitches about how nobody yells out in churches anymore, even down South, and how it makes him sick when he says somethin' and nobody answers.

He gets very quiet, even whispering, then rips out the loudest scream I've ever heard from him. Gary, if you claim you are not giving a performance, you are the biggest liar there ever was.

He mentions the nameless church that is going wrong, and says "Ah person'ly believe after talkin' to the preacher, what needs to happen is is Gary Hawkins go up 'n' run that deacon out real quick-lahk, and ah'd love to."

Then he ends by reminding them that they shouldn't bad-mouth preachers.

 

Edited by thoughtful
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AmazonGrace
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

image.png.6385a5140064b6151b0664c9fbe7210e.png

 

 

Some of his family that claim they're saved ain't saved. "Sometahms ah pray mah family could go to prison, at least they'd have a chance to hear the gospel o' Jesus Christ amen."

  

 

Gary why don't you tell them? They'd have to be locked up to talk to you?

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clese

Is there somewhere I can watch this other gazzas fb page.

I'm laughing so hard raht now!!!

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Ozlsn
6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He reaches up when he says this, so if anyone has any idea what part of a bus (or RV) he's talking about, let me know. Maybe he means it was hanging from the roof, but wired in to one of the circuit breakers?

Disco mirror ball hanging from the rear vision mirror? It sounds like something that would offend him.

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

This time he adds that a pastor once introduced them by saying they were going to sing and "testify," instead of singing and preaching. I have no idea why that bothered him, but apparently it did.

Because it puts him firmly in the category of repented sinner with a conversion story rather than Preacher Of The One True Faith. It's a step down for him.

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