Bro Gary Hawkins 14: Ween, glorious WEEN!

[Ozlsn]

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Hey, Bruce - it would be life as usual, except with even more people dying than usual, and nobody knowing why

And blaming the elderly women or women living alone for putting the evil eye on, or strangers coming to the town for bringing disease with them, or whichever minority happened to be closest for being unclean.

There is at least one scenario in there where Gary is really unwelcome.

1 hour ago, OwlEyes said:

This new place he's at is really interesting to me because it is uncomfortably close to where I live. After some googling it looks like the original church they sprang from is about an hour south in Eden, NY (Faith Bible Baptist Church), and when looking at their missionary list they support the Rodrigues family. I guess it makes sense since Dave and Jill are originally from WNY, but it's interesting how interconnected all these people are!

I am still amazed that anyone continues to support the Rodrigues family "ministry". 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, OwlEyes said:

This new place he's at is really interesting to me because it is uncomfortably close to where I live. After some googling it looks like the original church they sprang from is about an hour south in Eden, NY (Faith Bible Baptist Church), and when looking at their missionary list they support the Rodrigues family. I guess it makes sense since Dave and Jill are originally from WNY, but it's interesting how interconnected all these people are!

Good sleuthing.

I think we originally heard of Bro Gary, before he had his own threads, due to Jill, with this post from @Coy Koi:

 

But I don't know whether she found him due to a comment on Jill's FB page, or some other way.

Becky used to sell Plexus, but I don't know if she and Jill ever connected due to that.

[Ozlsn]

I am laughing so hard at "full time beggar and certified genius". I don't think I'd started reading the Rod threads at that point, I pretty much went from Gary to Jill (follow the crazy...)

"OK folks, what's on mind" would work as a cross stitch.

[AmazonGrace]

[Xan]

Gary posted this last night (with a link to a video from the governor of South Dakota):

"Ok folks Here's how it's done. Truth your people. Let people what's right. Go to Church go to work go to School. Where is AMERICA at."

So many choices for a cross stitch wall hanging.  I can't decide between "truth your people" or "let people what's right"...

Edited August 11, 2020 by Xan

[AmazonGrace]

Funny how this truthy person spouts so much lies and bullshit.

[smittykins]

4 hours ago, Xan said:

Ok folks Here's how it's done. Truth your people. Let people what's right. Go to Church go to work go to School. Where is AMERICA at."

You first, Gary.

[thoughtful]

@AmazonGrace, you beat me to it. I did both:

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

How much longer will we will we?  Get out of in front of the TV.

Spoiler

OK, folks, it's time to hum the Twilight Zone or X-Files theme (your choice). This morning, while getting ice cubes, I decided to take out some weens - I hadn't had any since Gary's salvation anniversary on JOOly 11. I swear to you I had not seen this yet, and had no idea it was another Garyversary:

Spoiler

It's a good thing I don't believe in psychic connections, because I would not want one with Bro Gary!

So, one month after being saved, Gary heard God calling. I wonder how that manifested. Perhaps Gary's thoughts went like this:

"Ah don't feel like workin' today. Come to think of it, ah don't feel like working ever again. Ah just want to get in mah truck and go wander all over the country, gettin' fed for free and playin' preacher. Thank you LORD, for this message amen."

[Xan]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

How much longer will we will we?  Get out of in front of the TV.

  Hide contents

 

"Ok folks was wondering how much longer will we the people will let this keep going on?" What, Gary?  The virus?  Wearing masks?  It doesn't seem as if getting rid of the virus is up to "we the people" unless people start acting like they have some sense and try to stop spreading it.

It almost sounds as if he thinks he can inflame people and get them to join him in pretending the virus isn't real.  It's exactly the type of revolution that Gary wants -- fake, right wing, and with little actual effort involved.

Now I've got a song from "Hamilton" stuck in my head.  "Rise up!  When are these sad fundies gonna rise up?" (Yeah.  I'm aware it doesn't exactly scan but that's the closest I can manage.)

[Ozlsn]

5 minutes ago, Xan said:

It almost sounds as if he thinks he can inflame people and get them to join him in pretending the virus isn't real.  It's exactly the type of revolution that Gary wants -- fake, right wing, and with little actual effort involved.

Basically that's exactly what he wants - and for people to start paying him to travel around bleating at them. 

I honestly can't get over how many people seem to think this is a hoax and will magically vanish after the US elections. It's a freaking pandemic, FFS. It's affecting all countries right now - even those who have managed to keep it at bay are affected because of the travel and trade economic effects. The utter arrogance of assuming this is sent to rig one bloody election astounds me.

As to the "get in front of God" bit - do it at home, in front of your TV and stop endangering the community.

[mango_fandango]

Not always been perfect? You’ve NEVER been perfect, Gary. You’ve been the opposite of perfect. 

[thoughtful]

Pray for the poor apostrophes. Please, won't someone think of the apostrophe's - er, apostrophes?

Pray at the alters, and those that are unchanged, as well.

Becky, please remind Gary that the "mustard seed" reference is about the size of one's faith, not an actual mustard seed.

[wallysmommy]

But what about our vision in our night's?  

What if the only mustard you have is in a squirt bottle?  Should you pray with that?  Or does it have to be a seed?

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

But what about our vision in our night's?  

What if the only mustard you have is in a squirt bottle?  Should you pray with that?  Or does it have to be a seed?

Now I really want to see Gary trying to shift a mountain (Mr Rushmore perhaps?) with a squirt bottle. 

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

What if the only mustard you have is in a squirt bottle?  Should you pray with that?  Or does it have to be a seed?

I buy whole grain mustard - I'm covered!

Gary is at Lighthouse Baptist Church in Jamestown NY tonight spraying saliva for the LORD. He is already talking as the video begins, saying "But uh, one these days ah'm, gon' wake up, the Lord tarries His comin' very longs, 'n' I won't have no kids, amen."

He kisses up to them for a while, comments that they brought him small bottles of water so he'd be short-winded (hahaha ? ).

2 Corinthians 12 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Corinthians+12%3A1-10&version=KJV  He was doing OK - only 10-12 extra words and a few left out, until he got to verse(s) 7:

KJV: And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me
BGV: At least - and least I should be exhausted above measure through the abundance of the revelations there was given to me uh uh me in the thorns the flesh, in the flesh, the message of Satan to buffet me

He replaces "thrice" with "twice" in verse 8 - I guess Gary ain't got patience for beseechin' more than two tahms!

KJV: Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproach, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake:
BGV: Therefore I take no pleasure in infirmities, in the approach, in the necessaries, in the persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake:

For Christ's sake, indeed!

Gary's theme is Great Unspeakable Things. Paul got a "glimpse of glory," and Gary really likes that phrase.

Sounds like a whole new message, but it's all old familiar Gary shit. Well, at least up to minute 11, which is as far as I got. My computer is not letting me play the video tonight - I will try continuing tomorrow.

 

[thoughtful]

Spoiler

Today's news update - I am still having trouble with the Internet and/or my laptop, and Gary is still an arrogant dope.

But, despite both of those things, I am managing to listen to last night's message. It's still mostly crap you've heard before, but there are some gems.

While telling us about Jesus being the comforter, Gary informs us that He "whispers sweet nothings in our ears."

There's an image I didn't need - Jesus as Rudolph Valentino or Pepe le Pew.

Gary says he's lost almost 30 pounds, and credits Jesus for all of it, of course.

Gary knows God's voice, doesn't block his number, and always answers when He calls.

Gary says Becky is so "into" Tupperware, that he's "waitin' for the day she (inaudible) and starts sleepin' with the mess, amen."

He does the I Love Lucy bit, and gets a laugh - he says they gotta love her, because "she was born here, amen?" She was - http://www.lucy-desi.com/museum/area-attractions/

The  drunk and the dopehead ain't gonna hurt you, because they're too busy being high - it's the "so-called people of God" who will hurt you.

Gary says he's lost track of time because he's "been kornteened so many times." Um, Gary - according to my count, you have been quarantined 0 times.

After talking about the "coward hiding behind a computer" who told him his preaching wouldn't save anyone, Gary says that, in his seven years of evangelism, he's seen about 100 people saved (of course he quickly rattles off how it wasn't him, it was Christ, but I know defensive bragging when I hear it).

Gary says he remembers something a preacher did "sixty - about 40 or 50 years ago - uh, 40, 'cause ah ain't quite 50 yet."

Well, at least he finally got it right.

Gary doesn't want to be here in four years, "unless Donald Trump is president HAYMEN!"

"What tahm does Ah Love Lucy come on?"
Congregant: "About two minutes."
Gary (laughing): "Two minutes - awraht, ah hope you got the DVR - DV thang on, AMEN."

Guess what happened on JOOlah 11, 1999? I bet you know.

Gary makes sure to tell them how everyone feeds them, houses them and fuels up the truck, because God takes care of them, before he finishes.

Oh, I forgot to show you this church. Here's a poster-worthy pose for you - Saturday Night Fever meets Patton:

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

Gary did a live from the Church of the Holy Ford this morning. He doesn't like the lighting for this cinematic epic, and plays with the position of his phone, ignoring the road, for a while. He continues with only one hand on the wheel, which he often takes off to fidget with his nose or glasses.

Gary says he doesn't know "what's goin' on in the newsssssssss, Bahdin has picked him a runnin' mate, 'n' people just don't know that she gon' be the president, amen?"

Gary, you were all in on the Michelle Obama VP-so-she-can-become-president conspiracy theory - I guess this is about the same to you, since Harris is a non-white Democrat. But, you were SO sure!

Gary says "both of 'em's bein' pretty stupid." He interrupts himself to greet someone. "She's already said that she want yer guns, and they're gonna support uh uh uh all these um  um portion clinics, taxin' it up, makin' taxes go haher agin, y'know, but, y'know what? Ah'm votin' for Trump."

Paging Claude Rains.

Spoiler

Gary says he never got the stimulus check. I thought he'd said previously that he did, but I could be mistaken.

Do you all have a supply of extra irony meters? OK, then keep reading. Gary says we'll all have to pay that stimulus money back somehow, because you just don't get money without having to pay it back.

"Now, y'know, whether you wanna agree America's in the Bible or not, that's up to you, but ah'm gonna tell you raht now, ah'm in America, AMEN! The greatest country ever told."

Due to the combination of Gary's usual Garyshit, and the GPS, we get these words of wisdom:

"And don't get discouraged, hey, Noah - Noah continue on I-86 east for 91 miles three boys and their wahves, that's all was on the Ark, besides all those animals."

"God ain't lookin' for part-tahm membership, God ain't lookin' for part-tahm" (looks at Becky) "ah ah ah ah what am ah lookin' for, Baby? Part tahm -"
Becky: not quite audible, but I think she says "committment."
Gary: "custody - God ain't lookin' for part-tahm custody, God wants awwwwl-tahm custody, amen?"

Gary gets into a hypnotic repetition riff, about when the Lord is coming: "Whether it's today, whether it's tomorrow, whether it's 2021, whether it's 2022, etc." I am grateful that he stops at 2025.

 

 

Evil leftists and people in the politician world, there should be an _____ (apparently, a nameless something) against you.

[thoughtful]

I couldn't help myself:

Spoiler

 

 

[Ozlsn]

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, I forgot to show you this church. Here's a poster-worthy pose for you - Saturday Night Fever meets Patton:

  Hide contents

 

Well at least these churches are getting more honest about who they actually worship. Not Christ, that's for sure.

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Now, y'know, whether you wanna agree America's in the Bible or not, that's up to you, but ah'm gonna tell you raht now, ah'm in America, AMEN! The greatest country ever told."

Spoiler Gary, it's not. Although the Mormons have an extra, couple of centuries post-King James book agreeing with you so maybe talk to them? 

(Joking... although I would watch that.)

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"And don't get discouraged, hey, Noah - Noah continue on I-86 east for 91 miles three boys and their wahves, that's all was on the Ark, besides all those animals."

So I had to go and look up how many Mt Ararat's there are in the USA. Not as many as I was expecting, and now I'm really curious what he put in the GPS... there's a cemetery in New York named after it? Maybe that's it?

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Evil leftists and people in the politician world, there should be an _____ (apparently, a nameless something) against you.

 People in the politican world is a fairly broad brush there. 

12 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary doesn't want to be here in four years, "unless Donald Trump is president HAYMEN!"

That... could be arranged. The not being here bit I mean, not Trump.

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

So I had to go and look up how many Mt Ararat's there are in the USA. Not as many as I was expecting, and now I'm really curious what he put in the GPS... there's a cemetery in New York named after it? Maybe that's it?

Oh, the GPS was just telling him the next direction he needed to get back to Groton to help with vacation Bible school - whatever he programmed in had nothing to do with his Noah rant. It's just that it drowned him out for a few seconds (Gary, of course, never stopped bloviating). I found it funny, and just typed it out as if it was one thought.

Today's reminder has no spelling errors, just over-capitalization and random punctuation. Maybe one of the six-year-olds at VBS helped.

Spoiler

Becky has finally posted again:

Spoiler

Notice that Gary, whether it's due to his poor communication skills or only thinking of getting customers for the next gig, doesn't actually answer Bill's question. Once again, Becky has to translate, and explains fully.

The church they are going to next doesn't seem to have an Internet presence. I bet they're not even in a log cabin. ?

ETA - well, I'll be darned - they do have a log cabin, and a log tiny house on wheels. I imagine that church is actually in the larger white building in the back, though:

Spoiler

 

Edited August 14, 2020 by thoughtful

[Alisamer]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary says he never got the stimulus check. I thought he'd said previously that he did, but I could be mistaken.

Hmm. It's possible he didn't - if he doesn't file taxes and didn't go online and put in his info he might not have gotten it. 

Or it could have something to do with not having an actual address. Maybe his parents claim his grifting ass as an adult dependent, since he seems to mooch off them when he's "home". Then he wouldn't get a check.

I get the impression he might have not wanted to put in the effort to get it, partly because he's dumber than a box of rocks, partly because he's lazy, and partly because somebody might notice if he's not been filing taxes and should have. 

I feel like there are quite a few fundies here who probably have some shady financials, either through stupidity or greed. 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 

Gary gets into a hypnotic repetition riff, about when the Lord is coming: "Whether it's today, whether it's tomorrow, whether it's 2021, whether it's 2022, etc." I am grateful that he stops at 2025.

 

 

 

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

10 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

Hmm. It's possible he didn't - if he doesn't file taxes and didn't go online and put in his info he might not have gotten it. 

He says he files taxes - he even has a "when mah wife does mah taxes" rant as part of some of his messages. He refers to his refund as "mah tax money."

As ever, it's probably some combination of stupidity, misconceptions about what it means to earn a living and the function of government, and dishonesty; we just don't know in what  proportion.

 

[thoughtful]

Becky has two new posts. The need to be a dick, instead of doing something for the greater good, continues:

Spoiler

And apparently, MLMs are now therapy, and it is our responsibility to help those predator/victims involved in them to feel good about themselves:

Spoiler