Bro Gary Hawkins 14: Ween, glorious WEEN!

[thoughtful]

32 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

. "Becky's gttin' better with music, and ah'm not braggin' on Henry, because it didn't have nothin' to do with Henry," but the music they've been making all week was pleasing to God.

I have literally no idea what he's trying to say about Henry there - that Becky's piano improvement had nothing to do with Henry? Ok, fair enough. That the overall quality of the music at the service didn't improve with Henry?

Sorry I didn't explain it better. I'm pretty sure Gary was trying to say that, whether someone plays and sings well or not, what matters is that the music is Godly.

In other words, even as Becky improves, and even though Henry already plays very well, what makes the music worth hearing is the message of Jesus, and he thinks they've all been doing a good job of that all week.

Gary just managed to make a compliment he was trying to pay to the whole group sound insulting.

As is his wont.

[wallysmommy]

I think the first ones who need a mental capacity test (actually a psych eval) are the pastors stupid enoug to let Gary take over their pulpit.

[AmazonGrace]

What with the rambling, the angriness, the casual offensive rants, the racism, the incoherence, the limited vocabulary, the half finished thoughts, the repetition of previous rants, the illogical trains of thought, the illiteracy, the utmost certainty that he's never wrong, and the total aversion to facts of any kind, I can totally see why Trump lovers would love Gary too. 

[Ozlsn]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Sorry I didn't explain it better. I'm pretty sure Gary was trying to say that, whether someone plays and sings well or not, what matters is that the music is Godly.

In other words, even as Becky improves, and even though Henry already plays very well, what makes the music worth hearing is the message of Jesus, and he thinks they've all been doing a good job of that all week.

Gary just managed to make a compliment he was trying to pay to the whole group sound insulting.

As is his wont.

I was never going to get that, and I'm pretty sure that's down to Gary, not you @thoughtful! 

I honestly don't understand why people turn up to hear him - I think I'm elitist about preaching (to borrow from the Nog thread) and have more minimum standards than I realised.

8 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I think the first ones who need a mental capacity test (actually a psych eval) are the pastors stupid enoug to let Gary take over their pulpit.

No that makes sense to me - they look so much better in comparison. Gary's basically their "see what you could end up with? Aren't you glad you've got me?" comparison metric.

[smittykins]

14 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I'm sure Pharaoh was quite uppity when Steve Martin did a song and skit about him.  "Born in Arizona, moved to Babaylonia, King Tut!

“Got a condo made of stone-a!”

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

I can totally see why Trump lovers would love Gary too. 

He is very, very Trump-like. I think if Trump grew up poor and Southern, he'd be Gary.

1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

I think I'm elitist about preaching

As in, you'd like it to actually be in full sentences that say something? Yeah, I'm with you.

I wonder if any pastor has ever taken Gary aside and gently started a conversation with "Brother Gary, y'know how you ask, 3-4 times during each message 'Am I makin' sense this _______ (insert time of day, sometimes actually correct, here)?' Well, Brother, I want to talk to you . . . "

Gary says any man of God is welcome to rebuke him - go to it, pastors!

Also:

No doubt the opposite of Mercy is Democrats.

Oh, great - now I have Portia's speech running through my head, with Garyesque alterations:

The opposite of Mercy is explained, Those Democrats will keep us all from Heaven, they're from the place beneath! Ah am twice blest; ah'm blessin' you who give so ah can take.

[Xan]

I think money must be getting tight for Gary.  He really didn't think the revival idea through.  You can't get the same people to drop money in the collection plate night after night for two weeks.  It's not as if they're getting any new members in the congregation.

And the next gig must have fallen through.  He's advertising now that he's available in August to "help" at any church.  He wants to blame someone for this and it has to be the Democrats.  If he blames Trump and the virus, that's a slippery slope.  He can't be asked to actually look at it logically.

Sometimes I wonder what's happened to my country and I just look at Gary and his ilk and think, "Yeah.  That's why."

[thoughtful]

Gary's physical self-improvement program continues. If only he'd do something about his mind. Ah, well - I'm just grateful that neither yesterday's lessons or a subsequent Facebook post included a jab at Heritage Baptist for not having Sunday evening services (wonder what he did last night?).

I wonder if he made Becky go into Walmart(s) and buy a selection of pants for him to try on back at home the mission quarters, then made her return any that didn't fit?

Or maybe they're grifted pants - he just got a bunch of shirts, I think from Pastor Mike. Maybe somebody at church gave him pants, as well.

 

[thoughtful]

Now he doesn't know the difference between a day and a week.

Mmmmm, fried Coronavirus. Reminds me of the old line from my youth:

"Should virii be eaten with the fingers?"
"No, the fingers should be eaten separately!"

[Lillymuffin]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Now he doesn't know the difference between a day and a week.

Mmmmm, fried Coronavirus. Reminds me of the old line from my youth:

"Should virii be eaten with the fingers?"
"No, the fingers should be eaten separately!"

I see you are also a student of Miss Manners. Pity Gary isn’t. 

[Dana723]

11 hours ago, smittykins said:

“Got a condo made of stone-a!”

He's my favorite honky!

10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He is very, very Trump-like. I think if Trump grew up poor and Southern, he'd be Gary.

As in, you'd like it to actually be in full sentences that say something? Yeah, I'm with you.

I wonder if any pastor has ever taken Gary aside and gently started a conversation with "Brother Gary, y'know how you ask, 3-4 times during each message 'Am I makin' sense this _______ (insert time of day, sometimes actually correct, here)?' Well, Brother, I want to talk to you . . . "

Gary says any man of God is welcome to rebuke him - go to it, pastors!

Also:

No doubt the opposite of Mercy is Democrats.

Oh, great - now I have Portia's speech running through my head, with Garyesque alterations:

The opposite of Mercy is explained, Those Democrats will keep us all from Heaven, they're from the place beneath! Ah am twice blest; ah'm blessin' you who give so ah can take.

Lowe's has a restaurant?

[thoughtful]

As tonight's video opens, Becky is singing at the piano, Gary is wiping his face, and there are two bottles of water waiting for him on the lectern.

Gary gives us a weather report, and tells us to pray for Friday, because he'll have a special message then - he's got a burden.

1 Corinthians 15 (after announcing it, he reminds them they are going out doorknocking again tomorrow, yammers for a while), then reads - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+15%3A1-11&version=KJV

Gary's theme tonight is I Am What I Am by the Grace of God.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+2%3A8-9&version=KJV

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+25%3A14-21&version=KJV

Gary starts to get revved up about ways people can serve.

"You think about uh uh children's homes, men's homes, thing like that, 'n' you wanna tell, ah'm gon' be honest with ya, anything should be a calling for the Lord amen? But ah think about some guys up in Columbus South Caroli - Columb - Columbus Ohio, up there, down there, up there, wherever it's at, a-a-and uh they have got a men's home and a women's home. And Columbus South Caro - Columbia North Ca - wherever that place is amen."

Becky: "Columbus."

"God, ah don't know wha ah'm so nervous tonight, that is."

He stops and just stands there for a while, then resumes telling us about whatever town it is with the homes. It's a wicked town, a bad area. Somebody once killed somebody and "throwed him up against the preacher's house."

And that's all he says about the homes - never makes a point or describes how the people running them are serving others.

You gotta have a calling, a servant's heart. He hopes he's done something to serve since he's been there, "'cause if ah haven't, ah'm not right. That make sense?"

He makes some lame joke about how he offered to clean the church "because the ladies was out yard-salin'" (and can we just add holding or going to yard sales as an activity that really could wait until after the pandemic?). Then he was shocked when Pastor Mike actually asked him to do it, and it about killed him. "Ah'm glad ah didn't have to wear a mask while I was up here bah mahself, 'at'd been bad amen."

Gary, you never wear a mask even when you're with other people. And yes, now you've made sure that everybody knows that you cleaned. Once. You have credit for having a servant's heart - it's official.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+1%3A8&version=KJV

Gary's getting petulant. He tells us that traveling is not easy, but God said "go," and that he does more than just preach. I think he's trying to persuade someone that he works hard for a living.

He's not bad-mouthin' anybody, but, if the pastor and the members go out knockin' on doors, the evangelist and the missionaries should too.

OK, Gary, who's not going out to annoy people with you (or didn't want you out with them on their doorknocking trip)?

He's on about the Pastor's wife again. "Miss Jeannie got her education or whatever it is, she got the part that she could get a good job, amen. She wasn't expectin' all this stuff here to happen and all this stuff goin' on, but y'know what? That's the callin' of her, to have a job so ya kin pay the bills, amen?   OK, that's how that she makes a living, at's righ, amen? Well, this the way that ah make a living is, the part is, is travelin' 'n' preachin' 'n' singin' 'n' knockin' on doors, amen! But if a man ain't gonna work, then, what is he to do?"

Defensive much, Gar?

He says a woman who was doorknocking with them today was glad that the lady who turned them down was so polite, because she was nervous doing it. Gary doesn't know what usually happens when they go out "if somebody's cussed you out or maybe hit you upside the head," but "one these days you gonna face it, because ya say why? Because it's gonna be there."

He tells a story from years ago, about a woman who started yelling at him (of course he imitates how he remembers her) for making his kids go out trying to convert people, and says "'N' ah tried to calm her down, but you know how women are, it's hard t'do, ya just get outta the way 'n' just let 'em have a little dynamite fit, 'n' you git off it."

He tells another story from that same visit, about men kicking his van, grabbing the tracts from Daniel and Caleb, and yelling at him.

I'm sure the woman who was already nervous about going out God-bothering is much more enthusiastic now, Gary, you twit.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+4%3A30&version=KJV

Gary is sealed up, just like the food he ate a few years ago when he was off the road for months (and he just couldn't go and get a job) and ate the food his grandmother canned many years ago, and it was still good, because it was sealed.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+2%3A1-3&version=KJV

Gary is a soldier in the army of the Lord. "We're marching in the infracy - ah cain't say that word."

He does his usual lying about needing to fight for religious rights, government will let you go anywhere except church (Gary, have armed goons come, ripped you out of church and thrown you into vans?).

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+22%3A31&version=KJV

Gary's an enemy of Satan. He rants about that for a while. He's not afraid to say it. So brave.

We may have to have underground church soon.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+15%3A50-58&version=KJV

Gary has a tough time reading all of the corruption and incorruption in those verses.

Gary announces Ephesians 4:13, then reads Phillipians 4:13 - we hear lots of pages turning for a while.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians 4%3A13&version=KJV

Gary wants all these Democrats out of office - "they're wrong, they're crooked, they're lost, they're tryin' to destroy our country." But he always adds "with the help of the Lord" when he wishes them gone.

How sweet.

He is sure that, if God doesn't grant another four years of Grace ? (his name is Donald, Gary, not Grace), nobody will be allowed to have church. 

Gary thinks all Christians should fast - I think he just wants company being hungry. He talks about Bobby Stewart, who is "big in the part of the politician world." He wants everyone to skip lunch on Wednesdays and pray.

Spoiler

 

The acronym, with its red underline, makes me think he wants us to dedicate our menstrual cycles to God:

 

Bobby and Gary also want people to meet with politicians, like "Como, or Dumbo, I don't got a problem callin' 'im that, if you got a problem with that" tooth suck "ya wanna come up here" (mumble that sounds like "ah'm gonna cure ya of that real good" but I can't be sure).

He goes on about revival for a while, then, while folding up his Bible cover, says, apropos of nothing that came before, "Ah have never, in all o' mah days, seen how rude somebody who calls theirselves a Christian can be, than (sounds like "in here," but I can't be sure) this morning."

"Ah am what ah am by the grace of God" (many times over, with a few variations), then "Becky come play the piana."

 

 

 

 

Edited July 28, 2020 by thoughtful
redundance, clarity

[thoughtful]

From Becky's Facebook:

[AmazonGrace]

Any kind of disease that prevents you from wearing a mask would make Covid-19 really dangerous for you. You really want to go door to door without one?

[Dana723]

36 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

From Becky's Facebook:

Being a selfish asshole is not a HIPAA protected medical condition!

[Ozlsn]

25 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary gives us a weather report, and tells us to pray for Friday, because he'll have a special message then - he's got a burden.

(To the tune of "I gotta feeling" by the Black eyed peas)

He's gotta burden

And Friday's gonna be a good time

Yeah Friday's gonna be a good time

Friday's gonna be a good, good time

A burden.. (ooh-ooh)

Friday's the day! He'll give it up! (Er... )

Give us the down low! On what is up! 

He'll bang the pulpit! (Smash!) And yell a lot! (Hay-a-mun!)

We can't quite follow! (Nope..) Just what he's got..

Driving his truck! Mazel tov! (Screech)

He's got no money! Looks really rough!

Livestreaming from Wal-Mart's! Without a mask!

Handing tracts to strangers! Who didn't ask! 

But he's got a burden (ooh-ooh)

And Friday's gonna be a big day

Yeah Friday's gonna be a big day,

Friday's gonna be a big, big day...

 

(I need to get out more)

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

From Becky's Facebook:

Well I hope they wear them to the ER so they don't waste any precious resources like oxygen or ventilators on them. Just sign the DNR now Becky.

Incidentally I was listening to a podcast about coronavirus, and they mentioned that in parts of Italy during the peak no one over 40 was getting a ventilator. Depending on where Gary and Becky are... they are not likely to be high priority.

[thoughtful]

10 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Livestreaming from Wal-Mart's! Without a mask!

Handing tracts to strangers! Who didn't ask! 

Brava to all of it, and I especially liked those lines.

Today's contributions from G&B:

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

Somebody needs to take Gary aside and explain what "service" means when it's a verb.

Spoiler

Spoiler

The post above would be lovely, if I didn't know, from hearing him speak, that this is Gary's answer to "Black Lives Matter."

Tonight, the Hawkins family at the piano, singing Thank You, Lord, for Your Blessings on Me.

As Becky and Jacob return to the pews (Gary already has two water bottles waiting), Gary asks them to "pray for uh . . . . "
Becky: "Crawley."
Gary: "Chris Crawley family." "They have given his mother . . . how long?"
Becky: "5 to 14 days."
Gary: "5 to 14 days."

He asks prayers for someone else, and gives us the details of his stroke. He actually starts reading the Bible right after he tells them where to turn and gives them time to find it.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+5%3A14-16&version=KJV

"Movie stars are now sorta tryin' to get in a religious mood and a religious mode, 'n' they're now tryin' t'make religious movies. But the thing about it is the movies that they're makin' and things that ah'v seen - ah even seen the uh - here just the other day that somebody is now fixin' to - uh, they was callin' Jesus a sodomite, 'n' then playin' Him out to be somethin' that He wouldn't 'n' they tryin' to make a movie outta somethin' like that."

In case that was too convoluted to follow - the key word is "sodomite." I think he is talking about Habit, in which Paris Jackson plays Jesus.

Gary wants to preach on How Is Your Light Shining?

"The devil is not that little red man you see on television with that little pick-fork."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+8%3A35&version=KJV

Gary misreads most of this very short passage. Then he does the "sun" vs. "Son" bit - so original!

He says the man with the demons (he puts on his glasses and looks back at verse 30) was called "legend."

That's "legion," Gary.

"Y'know what, when ah think about legend what ah think about is 'em people's got all 'em different uh personalities  amen. Ya ever met on o' 'em people it don't take you long not to wanna go near 'em again amen."

Gary says we should all be at Jesus' feet, and refers to Mary and Martha (mixing them up at first, of course). Gary, we know what you think about the role of women. If it was your dinner being prepared, you would have shooed them both away from Jesus to get in the kitchen and make you a 'mater sammich.

Back to Mr. Legion - Gary, as he usually does with this story, claims it teaches us to dress modestly, because the possessed man puts on clothes after the demons are chased out of him.

He does some roaring about being a light, not sinning "some of ya might be a little bit guilty of this mess. Well, that's OK - if you're OK with it, and you're OK with meeting God like that, just help yourself, honey, but ah'm gonna tell ya something, AH'MANNA MEET GOD RIGHT!!!"

 

Edited July 29, 2020 by thoughtful
hit submit too soon by accident - cleaned it up and will finish in a second post.

[Xan]

15 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

How Is Your Light Shining?

Did he ever get around to actually preaching about how his light is shining?  Honestly, when I've listened to him, I usually can't figure out why he gives the sermons a title when he so rarely preaches on what he announced.

I only tuned in for a little bit of his sermon tonight and he was ranting on about masks again.  I think that should be the sub-title for all of them now:  "How Is Your Light Shining And Don't You Hate Those People Who Wear Masks?"  He said that he saw some people in Wal-mart wearing scuba masks and all they were missing were the "hoses".  And he actually mentioned Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton and how much he hated hearing them on "electronics".  He thinks people spend too much time on electronics.  There's a certain irony to Gary preaching against electronics while he's being videoed on an iPhone.  But Gary is irony-impaired.

Around 36:00 or 37:00 he says, "You all don't know what I was called this weekend"  Then he starts another Bible reading and says he needs to move on because "you all are about half-mad".  Becky chuckles and I think she says "Good job".  I don't understand how he's getting asked back next year if he's pissing them off already this year.  And that's enough for me.  Off you go, Gary.

Bless you, thoughtful, for listening to him for us.  Every time I hear him now, I want to reach through the screen and pinch his little tiny head off.

 

[thoughtful]

Continuing tonight's lesson (still yelling):

He knows some "pastures" and their families who are "supposed to be the example, and they're the ones that examplin' the wrong thing! AMEN! Ah knew when God give me this message today oh, mah Lord ah said, 'you know who's comin' tonight.'"

Gary seems to be saying that someone there is "examplin' the wrong thing." Did Pastor Mike wear a short-sleeved shirt? Is he after Jeannie the pastor's wife again for being educated and going to work?

He goes off into his media/mask/Walmart rant. Now he's pissed at Walmart(s) because they gave money to "that Black Lahves Matters." And he confirms what I thought about his "whosoever" post - it was a dig at BLM.

"Ah'm not aginst nobody, ah'm not prejudiced. Ya wanna know who's prejudiced? Go listen to what Bill Gates says. Go listen to what Hillary Clinton says. Go listen to what Joe Bahden says. Amen?"

"Listen, you just don't know what ah was called this weekend."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews+12%3A1-3&version=KJV

Be careful where you direct your eyes. He gets into some rant about a preacher who warned people to be careful standing in line at Walmarts, which I figured would be about not looking at magazines in the racks, but he starts screaming "AH REFUSE! AH REFUSE! to use the self-checkout. They ain't gonna give me no money, ah ain't gonna use their equipment."

"Them smart phones are a whole lot smarter than we are."

Speak for yourself, Gary.

Gary says he won't make fun of you for wearing a mask if you won't make fun of him for not wearing one, then promptly tells us there are some masks he will make fun of. He saw a women wearing something that looked like a "welding helmet that you could see through." He thought she was walking around in it just to get attention. Do you mean a face shield, Gary, you uninformed slug?

He screws up which verse he wants next, and mumbles for a while, then asks "Where's the Scripture at when you conversation?"

Becky: "1 Peter 2:12"

He still goes to the wrong place and starts reading, then finally finds it, and reads it wrong.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+2%3A12&version=KJV

Watch how you talk to one another.

He admits that all wives and husbands fight, and manages to make his usual joke about this even grosser, by specifying that sometimes he picks a fight with Becky  just so "we kin go to bed and make up."

Thanks, Gar.

He starts screaming about preachers fighting about whether church should be open or closed, ranting about how they shouldn't fight, but goes right on to tell us how much he loves "consoversy," getting himself into trouble, and putting stuff on Facebook that makes people mad.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+8%3A39&version=KJV

He mis-reads what Jesus told the "legend" man.

Gary was glad that everyone who refused a tract today was nice about it. "Ah would love to shove something down everybody's throat that don't believe in God. Ah'd love to do that - ah wouldn't have a problem with that. But that's not the way God done it, amen?"

Good thing God stopped you there, Gary.

Gary gives us "Hawkins theolology" - just tell 'em what Jesus did for you.

We get a long rant about Gary's convictions, and how he's not "jalous" of you, and if you're "jalous" of him, just go ahead and get right with God.

He'll preach what he wants even if it harelips the devil and the preacher and his wife.

He says these "hoodlums" that are going around destroying things have been taught to hate America.

I agree, Gary - people like Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, etc. - hoodlums all, destroying America.

He tells us how, when he baptized his children, a pastor offered him baptism certificates, but Gary didn't want them - he knows some people who are going to burn in Hell because they're not born again, and they're counting on a baptism certificate to get them into Heaven.

"Ah'm not tellin' ya some friction of a story - ah'm tellin' ya the honest God's truth."

He goes into some long complicated spiel about Jack Hyles, for which I just don't have the patience.

Gary saw a video yesterday that "just 'bout made me puke."

He gets bitchy about preachers and preacher's wives who "can't handle it," with a detour to talk about Becky's blood clots and a pastor (who Gary won't name, of course, but he's in New York) who canceled a revival because a person in his church didn't like Gary. Gary knew who it was, but he doesn't gossip.

The petulant toddler reminds us to live the life God wants and orders his wife to the piano for the altar call.

Edited July 29, 2020 by thoughtful
punctuatin'

[Mom to Nell]

On 7/26/2020 at 9:07 PM, wallysmommy said:

I think the first ones who need a mental capacity test (actually a psych eval) are the pastors stupid enoug to let Gary take over their pulpit.

Especially the ones that have him back!

[thoughtful]

Becky being a sheep again:

Spoiler

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/raggedy-ann-vaccine-death/

Becky being a sheep, yet again:

Spoiler

ETA - the person who posted the Raggedy Ann shit is . . . something else. I thought I'd heard all of the conspiracy theories, but this woman finds them in the cracks in the sidewalk, I think.

https://www.facebook.com/sandra.snelltreece

Edited July 29, 2020 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Tonight's video starts with Jacob singing, Becky joining in on some, and Gary standing, arms akimbo, looking annoyed.

Spoiler

Here are the lyrics to the song Jacob is singing, while his father looks on with that expression:

Spoiler

IN MY FATHER'S EYES
Gary Duty

From a distance He'd be watching me,
And I guess somehow He knew,
That in my heart I longed to be like Him.
In time the closer we became,
The more it seemed I grew:
I'd fall, He'd pick me up, and I'd try again.

He loves me even when I do
The things I shouldn't do,
And when I fail to do the things I should.
I've heard it said that love is blind,
And I've come to know it's true;
He forgets the bad, and remembers all the good.

In my Father's eyes there's no wrong I've done.
In my Father's eyes I am the perfect son.
There must be someone I can't see,
And it makes me want to try
To be like the Son that's in my Father's eyes.

And when this life is over,
My last trial I've gone through,
'Twill be worth it all to hear Him say "Well done."
And maybe then I'll understand
Just what He saw in me,
Though I'm sure I'll find that He was blinded by the Son.

In my Father's eyes there's no wrong I've done.
In my Father's eyes I am the perfect son.
There must be someone I can't see,
And it makes me want to try
To be like the Son that's in my Father's eyes.

If you want to hear the melody, watch the video - Becky and poor Jacob don't seem to know it.

 

Hope your Heavenly Father looks at you with more love, Jacob - your earthly father just seems impatient to get to his turn to talk.

He asks prayers for the Crawleys again, which would be fine if he'd just refrained from giving us details of the death watch and burial plans. Gary also decided that she'd lived a good long life, being in her 70s. The woman's still alive, Gary - just ask for prayers and then shut up.

Gary tells them to turn to 1 John. Jacob brings up his ST:TNG jacket. Gary fusses with it, then tosses it aside (did he just need a jacket for the dramatic preacher toss?) while he tells them to ask themselves a question, because someday they will have to answer to God. "Answer the question in the part of why do you go to church?"

In case you've never noticed, "in the part of" is one of Gary's meaningless fragments. He says it many times in each message, and I've never heard him use it to refer to something that actually has parts or sections, or something or someone being in a part.

He's on about "the corruptions" in "them other books  - they're not Bibles," like the NIV. After several minutes, he mumbles "All right, that didn't cost ya nothin'," re-announces 1 John 4, then reads starting at verse 7 without telling them that's where he's starting.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+John+4%3A7-11&version=KJV

He comes close to saying "propitiation," just turning the second i into a u - not bad, for Gary.

Gary manages to make a message about God's love sound angry and unpleasant. God chastens those He loves, so, if you're getting away with your sins, you're not saved.

If anybody tells you everything's going to be fine, "he or she is a harridan."

Paging Inigo Montoya.

Jesus would be a much meaner preacher than Gary - he says that, compared to Jesus, "Ah'd be a sissy." Also John the Baptist. "You think ah've been sarcastic? Go home and listen to Oliver B. Green." "He is an arrogant preacher." Gary thinks that's great.

Gary has to love everybody, but he's not happy about it. He got a text from someone (in New York - I can never figure out whether Gary's dwelling on location is supposed to be a hint about who a person is, or just a weird Garyism like the time zones) who told him he is not saved. That person is "a gutless coward who's hiding behind a cell phone AMEN!" But Gary claims he loves him and prays for him. "Ya say wha? Because he was wrong" (what he was wrong about is lost, because the video skips).

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A16&version=KJV

This well-known verse leads Gary directly to blood, blood, blood, and a graphic description of what a scourge does to human flesh and how horrible Jesus looked after he'd been beaten, spitten upon and mowked.

That's what love will do. He gives them a little guilt about making sure they are giving enough, then tells us how happy he is that his parents beat him, including saying he would have even had the snot beat out of him for ten minutes if he'd called it spanking, because it was beating. Violent, gross and confusing - a Gary trifecta.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+5%3A2&version=KJV

Gary interprets this as only being about walking on the straight and narrow path.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+5%3A44-48&version=KJV

Gary has some trouble with "publicans," but recovers, because this is his meat - people who hate and persecute poor little him. The Catholic stalker gets discussed, and bad mean Christians, and people he claims are "jalous" of him, and most politicians.

He wasn't planning to talk about sin, but he has to "because you're playin' playin' around with sin" (WTF does he see in front of him while he preaches? You'd think they were having an orgy from the way he accuses). Tonight he gets the three part quote right, all on his own!

He tells us he had a "boss man" one time who was a bad drunk (Gary tried to save him, of course) who smelled of liquor all the time and wanted to sleep with every woman he could git his hands on, and he slept with the wrong woman and got AIDS. This man couldn't take being made fun of, so he committed suicide (or, as Gary reminds us later "he blowed his brains out.").

"That's what sin'll do to ya amen? 'N' it talks about death. Ah'm just sayin' hey - you'll love yer enemies."

I love how he pretends he never got off topic. This whole message is about love - can't you tell?

Gary mumbles for several minutes about where he wants to read next, in Colossians, while everyone waits. He mumbles "I think it's first Colossians" and Becky and Jacob say "there's only one Colossians" in unison, sounding very amused. Finally he tells Becky to find it, mumbling something about love. She doesn't help.

He finally settles on https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians+3%3A12-13&version=KJV

And he lectures us about not holding a grudge.

Kenneth McFadden's church was destroyed by a woman who was mad because McFadden preached against her sin and it broke up his friendship with his best friend, too. Gary makes it sound like McFadden is dead now, then alive, then dead, then alive. He never does get to any point about not holding a grudge.

He says his former pastor (who preached a lot harder than he does, he claims) would finish a sermon then say he was going home to take a half of a baby aspirin, which Gary says was his way of saying he wasn't gonna worry about what he preached and whether it upset them. I have no idea what that has to do with not holding a grudge.

Alfred Willis started a church, and a rich doctor in the congregation threatened to leave if the church wasn't designed the way he wanted. Willis designed it the way God wanted it, and the doctor left, and Gary screams about how God is in control and has the money. I have no idea what that has to do with not holding a grudge.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+1%3A22&version=KJV

Fervently comes out "fairvinly." Loving one another lasts about 5 seconds as a subject, then "mah church is mostly mah family, that's who goes to church, 'n' if you don't think the devil don't get in the middle of families, honey, you have just - you need to get something screwed on a little bit tighter amen."

Then he does his whole "don't run down your pasture" riff.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+john+4%3A19&version=KJV

Gary got saved on JOOlah 11, 1999 (did you know that?), because Jesus loved him first.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+15%3A13&version=KJV

"Somebody that come to hurt me, somebody that come to hurt mah family, y'know you think about the country we're in, we're suppos'dta live in a country where we're free 'n' we have rights to do what we're supposed to do far as the Constitution 'n' stuff like that but  we're livin' in a world that now if you got a gun and listen hey and somebody comes on your property 'n' they're fixin' to destroy you, they're gonna kill you, they're gonna grab your children they're gonna do whatever it is to a family member and you're just - you gotta sit there and take it because we live in a  social and a comma - communism country now."

Gary wouldn't call them (who, Gary? The government?) his friends. He wouldn't call Coomo Dummo his friend, because "he don't like New York."

Gary starts in on how hot Hell is, and tells a gruesome story about one of Becky's uncles who died working in gas wells in West Virginia. Gary has had body parts burned (don't want to know, Gary), and has seen the effects of fire on lots of people, and boy does he love talking about it.

And I am happy to announce that he actually says:

Spoiler

 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+2%3A4-5&version=KJV

As Gary mumble-stumbles to the end of this sweet loving message all about love, he throws this in: "You're not gonna have a good day every day. Miss Jeannie proved that the other day, honey. Ah'm sure glad it was her grandchildren and not us, amen ah say thank you Lord Jesus Hallelujah."

Jesus loves you even when you are unlovable. "We prob'ly most times, every day, unlovable, amen?"

Speak for yourself Gary.

He orders Becky to the piano.

And that is what Gary has to say about the love of God, Jesus, and other people. Anybody surprised?

 

 

[thoughtful]

Again, Gary makes me suspect that's it's all just elaborate performance art.

Now he's trying to put it in writing - not a good move for Gary. Besides messing up the order and punctuation, "longer" has been made shorter. Gary, you could have found it online, already in pretty font, like I did - there are hundreds of choices.

Also, we "folks" have been reduced to one person.