Bro Gary Hawkins 14: Ween, glorious WEEN!

[JazzyFresh]

On 7/19/2020 at 11:51 PM, thoughtful said:

Jesus not popping pills is an old Gary-ism. Its origins, as far as I know, are lost in the obscurity of Gary's synapses.

As we all know, Jesus smoked weed.

I bet Jesus had dreads, too

[Four is Enough]

I'll just leave this here..

 

[sixcatatty]

28 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

I'll just leave this here..

 

'Cause everybody's gotta have somebody to look down on
Who they can feel better than at any time they please
Someone doin' somethin' dirty decent folks can frown on
If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me

[wallysmommy]

Oh, Gary, in South Louisiana we don't build on sand.  We build in the swamp and drive pilings into the ground so the house doesn't sink.  Get it right, dolthead!  

Seriously, thank you again @thoughtful for your wonderful recaps.  You had me laughing so hard I almost spewed my splash water.  I do think I'm going to start using Gary's excuse when he loses his train of thought.  I'll just say "I guess God didn't want me to say that" and move on to some non-sequitur.  

[thoughtful]

Another night of revival, another shout-fest. The Hawkinses sing. Gary's water bottle is already on the lectern.

"Ah haven't preached hard enougn 'n' ah kin tell ya how ah know that." 

Then he says something I didn't catch, but it sounded like "all you have chicken."

"Let everyone know the good news - tonight - sometahm ah need to keep mah mouth shut, sometahm ah need to open mah mouth. But, um, IF the Lord tarries his comin' and IF the Lord don't come, and IF ah'm still alahve,  ah'm gonna be here two weeks next year amen. Ah figured most of ya'd like that, (mumble) give ya sometin' to endear* to the end."

* he means "endure."

You heard it here first, folks - the "good news" is the second coming of Gary Hawkins. Modest, ain't he?

Gary tells them to turn to Job 1, then says he has no plan for what he's going to say - he doesn't know if it will "be a dud" or "God'll git in it."

Can you imagine being trapped there, about to read from Job, and hearing that statement from that man?

He reads https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+1%3A1-11&version=KJV and https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job+2%3A1-6&version=KJV

Gary's got a new pronunciation for eschewed - "exude." and for eschews, "excuse." Gives a whole new meaning to Job's attitude toward sin.

He also skips a verse.

Gary snidely comments that the "Independent Baptist crowd we got today" would assume that Job had sinned. He escalates immediately to full baying mode, imitating those imaginary Baptists screaming about Job.

Gary says his theme is "when it's your turn, how ya gonna react?" He goes on to bellow and hiss about people blaming God for causing bad things, when God doesn't cause them, He just allows them to happen.

Gary tells us about being a pallbearer at his grandmother's funeral, and how he hated it, but that was LIFE!

"How many people today - now, Governor Como, or Stupido" (Becky giggles loudly, so I don't hear some of Gary's "whatever his name is" mumble) "'n' you kin give him mah phone number, ah love talkin' to 'em - his brother, or his son, ah have no idear, ah just know he has the same last name, video, he said that" (very softly) "we . . . don't . . . need . . .God." Long dramatic pause. "Boy, one of these days he's gonna wish he'd gotten that right. 'N' mah gov'ners sayin' the reason we're here is becowse of Christians."

Funny, when Chris Cuomo reacted to Trump's bible-holding stunt by telling him to open it, Gary and his ilk didn't even notice.

"Ah'm hopin' the Lord'll give us another four years in November."

"Nancy Pelosi's not our problem. She's wicked, she's ungodly, and YES she wants to destroy America. But ah'm gon' be honest with ya, should we really be surprised what's goin' on?"

Gary says God offered up Job because Job could handle it. Gary, I'll take compliments that don't involve ten dead children, extreme poverty and horrible diseases, thanks.

Job "was a rancher - he had cowboys." Also "all kahnds o' sheeps, 'n'n'n'n'n'n' plowin' things."

My inner 12-year-old thinks that Job wasn't so righteous if he was having those cowboys and sheep, and plowing things.

Gary gets back to all money belonging to God, with a side trip for a joke about women and money, complete with Jackie Gleason sliding hand move:

Spoiler

"What's in Becky's pocket, ah'll never see that again, amen?"

Becky says amen loudly, twice.

So, after all of this meandering about how Job was just being tested, and he hadn't sinned, and sometimes God tests us, etc., Gary says:

"What causes sickness? Sin."

But he diverts himself with lots of illness tales. Gary called his doctor's office for a med refill, and the person on the phone said they couldn't refill it because he hadn't been in to see the doctor in over two years. Gary said he was out of state, and "mah madison's out, maybe ah'll die, don't worry 'bout it" and claims she instantly agreed to send out his prescription.

His father and brother have been diagnosed with sleep apnea, but Gary still hasn't been tested. He won't go to a hospital "because ah don't like corona 19," and can't find anyone to do a home test (Gar, you don't have a home, and wander constantly -  that may be part of the problem).

He does his usual bit about Becky not letting him die in his sleep (it now sounds like she's caught him not breathing multiple times) because she's "SELFISH!" Becky giggles.

Gary mentions that he and Becky had gone through some stuff with their children,  Becky prayed to meet someone who'd been through something similar, and right away they met a couple who had (wonder if that's the people the fundraiser was for).

Gary gives out tracts at the doctor's office. Sometimes your health problems are so you can go to the hospital or the doctor's office and be a witness for God. We get to hear more stories about people with horrible health problems.

Gary's glad he "was beat" as a child, because he wouldn't be where he is today without it. He mentions that he's never been "been beat" with a cat-o'-nine-tails. Jesus was. Gary's also never hung on a cross (just making sure you know).

Job, like Gary, had "frenemies." He suddenly remembers the rest of the story about the preacher whose wife had seizures (I guess God wants him to tell it tonight). And here it is, in its entirety: "His girl was at the wrong place, with the wrong people, at the wrong tahm, and SHE was just as guilty as the ones that done it. Ya wanna be influenced by friends that put ya in jail?"

I guess mentioning the wife's seizures was just a sidelight for illness-obsessed Gary.

He starts whining and roaring about people who criticize preachers, and think they can do it better, and how they used to throw them out of the church in the old days. He says knows he's repeating something from last night, because "some of ya didn't get it, some of ya ain't gettin' it tonight." Quietly: "Boy, ah hate electronics." Screamed: "HAYMEN!"

Is someone re-reading Job on their phone instead of drinking in your every profundity, Gary?

He gets defensive about having his phone in church, explaining that his phone is "up there bein' used for God - I'm preaching to people on Facebook."

If you're against that, Gary don't give a flip.

"What about - was it Absolom - slept with his own sister."

What about him, Gary? You just dropped that into the middle of your mental wanderings, with no reason.

He says "not only will you reap, your children will reap." So Gary is into that "sins of the fathers" stuff, eh?

We get some Trump-love. I'll spare you.

Elvis didn't write the Jailhouse Rock - Paul did. Gary, don't forget Silas!

As Gary winds down, he does what he's done just about every night of this revival. As he's throwing out mumbled sentence fragments, with long pauses, he includes a quiet "c'mon, Becky" or something like it, to tell her to come to the piano. I have missed hearing it every time until I see her come up, and have to rewind to find when he said it.

He really sounds like he's calling an exceptionally obedient, attentive animal (I'm almost surprised he doesn't pat his leg), and she always catches it and comes up. Gary does a lot that's blatantly disgusting, loudly and with huge gestures and nasty words, but this quiet, chilling little exchange goes right on my list of truly icky things about Gary and Becky.

Gary keeps yelling, fidgeting and swigging his water, as Becky sings and a woman comes up to kneel at the altar.

And the video cuts off.

Edited July 24, 2020 by thoughtful
clarity, missing word

[thoughtful]

11 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I do think I'm going to start using Gary's excuse when he loses his train of thought.  I'll just say "I guess God didn't want me to say that" and move on to some non-sequitur.  

Isn't it handy? Then, the next day, you can suddenly remember that the story about the preacher's wife with seizures was actually about their daughter's falling in with bad company.

The latest from Gary, after a post just to remind us that God is good all the time, all the time God is good, he gets self-righteous - er, encouraging to others - about weight loss:

Spoiler

They're going to have the Official, one and only, Best Violinist in the State of New York at church! He play in the symponthy!

Spoiler

 

[SisterCupcake]

On 7/20/2020 at 1:54 PM, wallysmommy said:

Yes, Jesus does leap up for touchdowns.  As a Loyola grad, we all called him Touchdown Jesus

We had a Touchdown Jesus for awhile just outside of my hometown in Cincinnati...then it burned to the ground. Justice, I think, for creating an idol. But don't worry, they eventually rebuilt.

My favorite song about him is from Heywood Banks:

Big Butter Jesus...is Toast

 

Edited July 24, 2020 by SisterCupcake

[Xan]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Isn't it handy? Then, the next day, you can suddenly remember that the story about the preacher's wife with seizures was actually about their daughter's falling in with bad company.

The latest from Gary, after a post just to remind us that God is good all the time, all the time God is good, he gets self-righteous - er, encouraging to others - about weight loss:

  Hide contents

 

 

I don't normally talk about or care about anyone's weight but Gary just put this out there -- how big was he before this?  I wonder if he's just cinching in his pants a little more below that belly.  And is it really a diet or did he just not grift enough free meals?

1 hour ago, SisterCupcake said:

We had a Touchdown Jesus for awhile just outside of my hometown in Cincinnati...then it burned to the ground. Justice, I think, for creating an idol. But don't worry, they eventually rebuilt.

My favorite song about him is from Heywood Banks:

Big Butter Jesus...is Toast

 

I love Banks' "Big Butter Jesus".  The first time I found the song, I emailed it to all my family members who share my sense of humor.  "Oleo Lord"!

[AmazonGrace]

I am a  impressed that Gary is so interested in the Book of Job...

[thoughtful]

Between doing this, actual work, and sleeping, I may be hopelessly behind in the Jill threads by tomorrow morning, but I cannot desert my post. And I am very eager to hear The Best Violinist in New York!

As the video begins, Gary's water bottle is already on the lectern. A man is at the piano, Gary is conducting/hiking up his pants/swiping at his nose/and too many other fidgets to list as all sing When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder. Some of the congregation knows the harmony parts and the melody, and it sounds loud and enthusiastic. When it's done, after a "HAYMUN!" Gary says that half of them sound good, but says something I can't quite catch (but that sounds, from the tone, like a scold or tease) about the other half.

The pastor, who we can't see (due to his being out of camera range), and can barely hear, says a prayer. The man at the piano stands, bows his head, and listens reverently, while Gary fidgets, squirms, rocks, looks around, and messes with his nose and his glasses. It's a study in contrasts.

Becky moves the camera so we can see the pastor, who is complaining about not getting enough in the collection, and says he wants to see more of what he calls the Baptist Handshake.  He demonstrates, emphasizing that he will do it with "two bills." He crumples up two bills in his right hand.

Pastor Mike asks Brother Henry (the man at the piano) to come help him, and Gary seems to feel he is needed to wave Brother Henry over - I guess he's used to bossing pianists around now:

Spoiler

Mike has Henry (in his lovely Bible-lighthouse tie) help him demonstrate shaking hands and not releasing the money hidden in it, then shaking hands and releasing it.

Spoiler

I guess he thinks it's a cute way to get them to give. Becky is hysterical. It's not my style, and it's definitely a stupid thing to be doing during a pandemic when nobody should be maskless or within six feet of one another, let alone touching hands and money.

Could've been worse, I guess - if it was Gary, I'm sure he would have called the version where you don't let go of the money The Jew Handshake.

Henry returns to the piano and they sing The Lily of the Valley. I don't think Gary knows this one - he wanders, points to someone then to the back of the church, rocks, wipes his face, claps (sort of on the beat) like a seal, shouts AMEN and HALLELUJAH, and does some shadow boxing.

Spoiler

I swear to you, I noticed how distracting and rude Gary is, wrote all of the above and posted the pictures, before listening to what comes next. That motherfucker gets up there and starts with "Now, ah'm not bein' mean" so you know he's about to be vicious.

He says that the kids "runnin' around last night was way too much. Because here's what ah'm gonna tell ya. If a lost person's here, and they're watchin' this raht here" (he waves his arms back and forth at the children) "'n' the preacher's up there tryin' to preach to him, or them, whoever the lost person is, and that's what they're watching, here's what's gonna happen - they're gonna be caused to go to Hell, because of what ya call distraction. Ah'm not tryin' to be mean, ah'm not tryin' to be ugly."

Gary, you don't need to try - it just comes naturally. This is not your church. How about asking what's the norm there?

I guess now we know why whuppin' has come up so often during this revival - he wants to see those children get put in their place.

He tries to get back to being Mr. Jolly-preacher, joking that, if Brother Henry makes mistakes tonight, Gary doesn't know who he is. But, if the food was good, Gary takes credit. Becky laughs.

Gary, I'm happy to say, comes to sit in the pews for the special music, so we don't have to watch him being a rude asshole.

Brother Henry, it turns out, is the fellow advertised as the Best Violinist in New York. He gets his violin from behind the curtain, and sings as he plays As The Deer,  The Blood That Stained the Old Rugged Cross, a rousing hoedown of He Ransomed Me,  Everybody Ought To Know, (we hear Gary's Dukes of Hazzard phone ring near the end of this one). He does a little preaching, then resumes playing and singing -  Ye Must Be Born Again, He Lifted Me.

Gary yells some Amens.

Henry is better than any Hawkins or Rod, but probably not the best violinist in New York. I think Bro Gary was indulging in hyperbole - what a shock.

Gary gets up, and "jokingly" complains that Henry left him with only 25 minutes for an hour and a half message.

Proverbs 22:1-5 - it takes a few tries to get through the first verse.

Today's theme is having a good name - Gary hopes that people who walk by his casket can say something about him. There's your straight line, folks - run with it.

The entire rest of the message is about how Gary wants people to remember him.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+26%3A+1-8&version=KJV

Paul, back when he was Saul, made mowk of the church and killed people. On 9/11, "the people that was drivin' those airplanes" thought they were doing God a favor.

In the middle of one his rants you've all heard many times, he looks down and quietly says "Becky, take the children (something I couldn't hear) stay in there." It's at 50:30 if anyone wants to check. It sounds like he's ordering Becky to take some children out to another room, but I could be wrong.

Jude 22: And of some have compassion

This short, very clear verse inspires Gary to a bile-fest of complaint about the lack of bible-believing churches in Maine and NY, and how colleges make people stupider.

I think Inigo Montoya would have something to say to Gary about his interpretation of the word "compassion."

He says he won't have time to finish this message because "y'all gotta go watch I Love Lucy, ah know."

Gary, please - I know you steal things from the recorded sermons of the 1950s-70s, but you need to update the references. You don't have to watch the sinful TV, just ask somebody for a title, and write it down. Let's give him some suggestions - Upload? Killing Eve? Naked and Afraid?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+18%3A13-14&version=KJV

Gary wants people to see Jesus in him. He tells us how creepy Lester Roloff and his picture were again. Be strange and peculiar, like it says in 1 Peter.

1 Corinthians 9:14  Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel. 

Gary reminds us that, once upon a time, he actually worked for a living.

Pope/dope gets no laugh from this crowd.

He tells them to turn to 1 Timothy, then reads from 2 Timothy: For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day.

Gary screams about how he's "SO local church."

Gary says that, after he was shadowboxing during the song, Becky told him he shouldn't be fighting in church. "Ah told her to come up here 'n' ah'll box her ears back raht quick like, amen."

Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Gary talked about when his Daddy got his calling, for a few seconds, but then launches into telling us all about his calling - again.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+john+4%3A19-21&version=KJV

Gary reminds them that he's only mean in his preaching because he loves them so much.

He asks if they remember getting married, and talks about how nervous he was waiting for Becky at the altar. Gary, tell us how you felt at your first wedding. Oh, right - that woman and relationship never existed - those kids just came from God.

Newlyweds want to learn all about one another, and a newly saved person should want to learn all about Jesus. He mentions one of the songs Henry sang, and says it's "not quite spiritual" and "for the Laodicean church."

Charming.

"Everybody that ah've preached to ah have not helped. Ya say wha? They didn't want help." Petulantly: "Ah have trahd mah best to be obedient to God, the last few days, and preach to you." Long pause, disgusted face, shrug and head shake.

He does the I Love Lucy bit again.

Romans 12:1  I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

"Some of you don't got the grasp" that you're going to stand before God and be judged.

He once put a casket at the front of a church, with a mirror in it, for people to walk by and think about what mourners would say about them.

As he's rambling and repeating himself, and Henry comes up to play the piano for the altar call, he snaps "Kin we pay attention back there, please. This is the most important part of the service.  God's dealin' with somebody, we wouldn't want to -"

The video, mercifully, shuts off.

Gary spoke for an hour - so much for keeping it to 25 minutes.

 

 

Edited July 25, 2020 by thoughtful
getting rid of extra image

[Flossie]

Sounds like Gary is getting fed up with these people.  I wonder if the people are feeling the same way toward Gary.  Maybe tomorrow the parents of those pesky kids will stay home and keep their donations home also.

[EyesOpen]

I don’t understand why they don’t just throw him out. Do they legitimately think he’s saying anything that makes sense?  

[smittykins]

13 hours ago, Xan said:

I love Banks' "Big Butter Jesus".  The first time I found the song, I emailed it to all my family members who share my sense of humor.  "Oleo Lord"!

This version has the post-fire verse. “Holy smoke, it’s Jesus...”

(And I regretfully admit that I had to look up “Opa!”)

 

Edited July 25, 2020 by smittykins
WTF, autocorrect?

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, Flossie said:

Sounds like Gary is getting fed up with these people.  I wonder if the people are feeling the same way toward Gary.  Maybe tomorrow the parents of those pesky kids will stay home and keep their donations home also.

Haymen to that.

I left this out, because the recaps are already so long, but, besides the sweetly cooing child I mentioned at the beginning of the week, there has been sound, and even some loud noise, from other kids, building up over the week.

I have no idea what's usually done with kids at that church - whether normal kid noise is acceptable, or there's a cry room, church school or children's service to keep them busy. But there didn't seem to be a specific plan for kids as part of this revival, and being shlepped to church every evening, for over an hour of this shouting, fidgeting maniac, must be awful for anyone from toddler to teen.

Even though it wasn't really child-centered, Brother Henry's musical performance seemed to calm them - I heard less and less kid noise as he went on. He spoke very softly, between songs. Other than really little kids, we hear no child noise when soft-talking Pastor Mike addresses them.

I tend to over-do when addressing kids, and there are times I want to rev them up into enthusiastic sound and movement. But I have such a clear memory of the first time I saw a teacher masterfully calm and organize a group of kids by speaking very softly and kindly, realized how powerful it is, and that I should be using it more often.

Gary's seen it demonstrated many times, but it never occurs to him why other people are getting rapt attention and he isn't. He loves to use the bellow-then-get-very-soft preacher trick, but clearly has never learned how to get and keep attention by consistently speaking softly. His bellowing, wandering, lack of eye contact, and fidgeting is guaranteed to overstimulate or frighten kids, and make people of any age want to tune him out.

We can't see the congregation in the videos, so I don't know how many kids are there, the age ranges, and  if and when children were actually taken or sent out of the room. It's possible he was looking at a church full of movement, in which nobody was staring raptly up at him but Becky and a few others.

Interestingly, wandering and occasionally talking kids were all over the services we saw from Gary's Daddy's kitchen/storeroom church. Even adults were sitting facing sideways and chatting, and dogs were there. I remember hoping it meant that not all of his family and followers were child-beaters, and that fairly normal behavior from children was accepted in church.

Gary didn't seem to mind it then.

Telling children that their noise will cause someone to burn in Hell is low, even for disgusting Gary.

[thoughtful]

 

No service today, but they are out annoying people. I assume this is not Lord Daniel of the laundromat, because he already gots Saved, by Jill, and he knows he not lost.

 

[Xan]

54 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Telling children that their noise will cause someone to burn in Hell is low, even for disgusting Gary.

I listened to some of Gary's sermon.  I think he's just getting angrier and angrier.  I'm not sure whether it's the Corona "vahruss" that's putting him over the edge, the current political polls for his favorite person, or whether it's just that there aren't enough people attending his sermons and money is running short.  Whatever it is, he is just sounding hateful.  There are digs at Becky and reminders for people to beat their children.  He's also saying "I'm not trying to be mean" (and then saying something mean) more often.  

I agree.  His yelling was unsettling for me.  No wonder those children were fretting and crying.

And that "causing someone to burn in Hell" rang a bell.  Recently, John Schrader's dad, Rick, used that in one of his services.  He said that if people were gossiping about the church or the minister it would cause other people to avoid the church and those other people would end up burning in Hell.  

The "Bible believing" churches must use not only the threat of Hell for oneself but also causing someone else's eternal damnation.  I guess it's getting harder and harder to scare people into being good, docile little church goers.

[thoughtful]

Gary's back from being a pest, and prays that God will over right (override, I assume) the devil.

Gary, I don't pray or believe in anything supernatural, including a higher power. But, if your prayers were to be answered, I would love to see you get the following revelations as you back ponder what to say next week.

- speaking very briefly, in a quiet, organized, sincere manner keeps children attentive and reaches adults' minds.

- being pissy and petulant and insulting is not the same as helping others overcome their failings - it's just you reveling in feeling superior. Admit it and change.

Well, obviously, I could fill pages with things I wish Gary would learn, mostly about not being a bigot and child-beater, but let's start small.

 

[thoughtful]

In case anyone in Groton is worried about that Corona 19 mess, the Church is cleaned sprayed with cleaner vacuum.

Come see what the LORD is has for you. All ages, but children must be silent except when singing Spiritually Songs.

[AmazonGrace]

10 hours ago, Xan said:

Whatever it is, he is just sounding hateful.  There are digs at Becky and reminders for people to beat their children.  He's also saying "I'm not trying to be mean" (and then saying something mean) more often.  

 

He's not trying, it's a natural talent.

[Ozlsn]

23 hours ago, thoughtful said:

As he's rambling and repeating himself, and Henry comes up to play the piano for the altar call, he snaps "Kin we pay attention back there, please. This is the most important part of the service.  God's dealin' with somebody, we wouldn't want to -"

I really wonder how many people came for the violin and were too polite to leave when they realised Bro Gary was going to "preach". I probably would have borrowed a child to get out of there if I didn't have one with me...

[thoughtful]

Death could be imminent - sing, preach!

When today's video starts, Gary is already at the lectern, talking about Peter and the devil. I think this is Sunday school.

Daniel 3 - nope, Gary takes a detour to talk about blinders on horses - or, as he puts it "thangs ya put on 'em so they couldn't see sideways or whatever." Several mind-wandering minutes later, he gets to Daniel 3.

Ah, the mysteries of Gary's mind - he can't pronounce Dura, but he can pronounce Nebuchadnezzar. Province becomes "provenance," princes becomes "princesses." And my music-loving, funny-word-loving, and Gary interest meet in getting to hear him read the word sackbut (which he does pronounce correctly - he has trouble with psaltery, though - it comes out "psalmterists" the first time, and "psalmisters" the second and third times).

After verse 18, Gary launches into a tirade comparing today's governors, senators and mayors ("whatever ya wanna say") with Nebuchadnezzar. "The more power they get, the more they wanna show off, amen? And the more they want. I seen this morning in Kentucky they've already said -  now this is in Kentucky, 'n' they do have a- a good governor, but ya see how things happen, when people didn't want nothin' good" and he goes back to Nebuchadnezzar.

I had to look up what happened in Kentucky myself, since Gary fragmented-out on us. I assume he's talking about the protests and shooting (which was yesterday, Gary - you just read about it this morning). Gary, Governor Beshear is a Democrat and mandated masks - are you sure you were thinking of Kentucky?

Funny how he leaves out the president. In Gary's mind, the Democrats (and sensible Republicans) who are trying to protect people from dying are power-mad, but the dick who sends a goon squad to attack protestors is not.

He veers off into talking about the Golden Calf, then back to Nebuchadnezzar. He says the music described was not pleasing to God, just like the modern music in some churches today. "Becky's gttin' better with music, and ah'm not braggin' on Henry, because it didn't have nothin' to do with Henry," but the music they've been making all week was pleasing to God.

Gary, it is possible to compliment the content of music without insulting the people making it.

Gary tries to tell a childhood story about inappropriate music on a Christian radio station, and can't seem to decide whether radios explode or simply start playing music : "whenever it would go off, when the radio would go off or turn on or whatever ya wanna call it."

To be fair, he did say they heard a bit of the Country music because his father had it set as his alarm clock, so the "go off" vs. "turn on" problem is for a reason.

Gary says the guy with this morning radio broadcast played Country music backwards. Country music, Gary? Are you sure? What would happen - the devil would fix the truck, bring the woman back and bring the dog back to life?

Gary's been stopped at a stop sign, and seen people "lit'rally makin' their car dance" to evil music. He wants to make his Ford truck do that to Christian music.

Never go to Niagara Falls for the 4th of July. The rush when people leave is like the Rapture. But Gary managed to give someone a tract in that traffic jam.

He briefly returns to Daniel, and S, M & A refusing to bow to the idol. But then he's off into Moses and "Fay-ro." He says God kept hardening Pharaoh's heart because "they was uppity, He already know what they was gonna do."

You heard it here first, folks - Pharaoh had multiple personalities, and they was all uppity.

Off to John the Baptist. Gary would be OK with eating honey, "but that locust stuff? Ah'm not innerested."

OK, back to Daniel - Gary starts at verse 19: "Then was Nebuchadnezzah full of fairy, and the form of his - what's that word, Becky? Vintage? Visigin?"

She never answers, and he goes on.

Gary teaches us all about fire. He once backed up too close to a "kerasung" heater, and it melted (something I can't understand - it's at 23:20). But S, M and A didn't even have their socks singed (did they wear socks in those days?).

"There is independent Baptist preachers that ah cain't fellowship with. Ya say wha is that? Well, ah'm different. And if ah'm not like them, then you can't fellowship with 'em. But ah'm not gonna change."

Gary says he will get a whole new body in Heaven without the aching shoulder. Mike won't need his wheelchair, Brother LaGreckie won't need his cane. No more Arthurahtis.

He needs Becky to remind him where he left off reading.

At the end, he remembers that Mike once brought in a potter, and that potters mold clay and use hot kilns, and tries to use that metaphor. He says that God "is the clay, and we're the potter," then realizes he got that wrong and reverses it.

I don't know if someone else gave him the same advice I posted here, but this was all fairly quiet, more focused on the people in front of him than I've ever seen Gary, and with a bit less physical wandering than usual. It was also only 32 minutes long.

Haymen!

[wallysmommy]

I'm sure Pharaoh was quite uppity when Steve Martin did a song and skit about him.  "Born in Arizona, moved to Babaylonia, King Tut!

[thoughtful]

Gary preached at the regular Sunday service, as well. As the video starts, he's flipping through his Bible, looking lost. Becky says "Tell me a joke." and Gary, without looking up says "Tell you a joke. Ah'll tell ya Jesus saves, amen? No doubt about that much."

He mumbles something about grabbing the wrong stuff. He's sort of self-deprecating, but it doesn't occur to him to actually apologize to all of the people sitting there waiting for him to do something. Eventually, he announces Galatians 3, misreads some, skips a verse. As he reads, Jacob brings him a piece of paper (the notes he was looking for, perhaps?), and takes away one.

His theme is What Jesus Did for Us.

God's been good to Gary, even through the pandemic. He claims he was ready to get off the road and get a job, if needed, but there wouldn't have been any jobs. He's bought less groceries this year than in the past.

Gary, you dick, that's because other people fed you.

"They wanna be social distance, they kin be in the store, 'n' ah can just sit in mah car, 'n' we're doin' real - we're doin' more'n six foot, amen?"

Gary, you dick, that's because your wife and son go into the store while you sit on your ass.

Psalms 40:1 -3 Lots of shouting about the lost sincerely wanting to be saved, and the day Gary was saved (have you heard about the day Gary was saved? Just checking).

Johnny Campbell got saved when he went to a tent meeting planning to give out pamphlets about his motorcycle gang. I think - it's always hard to tell, with Gary.

How he gave up on Elvis, and  story of the "drunk Indian" in South Dakota - you know those.

Gary tells us about a man they annoyed yesterday, who, even in Gary's telling, sounds like he was quite polite. The devil's got ahold of him.

The longer you wait to get saved, the harder it is. "An older person gets what they call sot in their ways."

John 11:44 - Lazarus being raised. But he jumps right to Adam and Eve and rants about them for a while.

Luke 23:44 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

Gary says "garment" instead of "raiment." Jesus forgives you, even if you are cast in the lake of fire.

Romans 10:13 For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

God's still in the savin' business - tell your neighbors before it's too late. Gary spins a tale of the Rapture coming when they are in a church service, and how the rest of Groton will wonder why the cars are all still in the parking lot days later, come to the church, and see it empty.

He roars at them about the old days when everybody went soulwinning.

Quiet again, he tries to tell a story about Becky falling through some stairs (possibly the ones on their old motor home) and passing out when they were about to take Caleb to a hospital for something stomach-related ( It's a Gary story - that's the clearest I can make it).

Gary did everything in his power to get her out from that place, and he got her out. "And ah poured water: (he shows us water)

Spoiler

"on'er to trah to wake her up." Becky says something about being drowned, and Gary assures us that she came to before he drowned her to death.

He tell us this story to demonstrate that we don't always know what to do in a situation, but  . . . well, I think he was about to tell us that God does, but he veers off again, into talking about Moses. God can use us like he used Moses.

Suddenly loud, he roars, "SURELY you wouldn't tell me - set here and tell me you don't have no loved ones. SURELY you wouldn't tell me that somebody you work with or somebody you hung out with or somebody you know that's on their way to Hell, SURELY you wouldn't tell me - set 'n' tell me you don't know nobody."

I have to assume Gary never saw Airplane. Sort of a shame, really, because I can imagine him having fun with the "Chump don' wan' no help, chump don' get the help" quote when discussing people who refuse to be saved.

Do you want the blood on your hands? "Didja ever get your hand cut - blood pop off it?" Ezekiel says that if we don't go out soul winning, "you can set up there and watch your hands bleedin' (something I can't catch). And the blood you'll be shedding, just like, uh uh Abel - killed - Cain - killed Abel?"

Gary dramatically hold up his hand so we can imagine it is bleeding, several times during this lovely speech.

Spoiler

That's what we're gonna do - we're gonna shed our blood, because we didn't go save souls.

Gary calls Becky up to the piano, and is still rambling on as the video cuts off.

Oh and:

The Hawkins Family Love to service the LORD. They sill even know on door!

 

 

Edited July 27, 2020 by thoughtful
clarity - Gary is hard enough to understand, without me making it worse

[Xan]

41 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I have to assume Gary never saw Airplane. Sort of a shame, really, because I can imagine him having fun with the "Chump don' wan' no help, chump don' get the help" quote when discussing people who refuse to be saved.

I love this so much.

Has anyone thought about letting Gary take that mental competency test that Trump took?  I'm beginning to wonder if he could even name the elephant.

[Ozlsn]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

. "Becky's gttin' better with music, and ah'm not braggin' on Henry, because it didn't have nothin' to do with Henry," but the music they've been making all week was pleasing to God.

I have literally no idea what he's trying to say about Henry there - that Becky's piano improvement had nothing to do with Henry? Ok, fair enough. That the overall quality of the music at the service didn't improve with Henry? Gary, you're delusional. STFU and sit down.

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

God kept hardening Pharaoh's heart because "they was uppity, He already know what they was gonna do."

You heard it here first, folks - Pharaoh had multiple personalities, and they was all uppity.

Given he was a God-King I could see why Pharoah might feel himself(ves) to be on a level with all other Gods.  It's not uppity if you're already at the peak!!

Pretty sure it wasn't Akhenaten either, who might have had a very slightly different view - or just considered himself the only God in the former pantheon.

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He's sort of self-deprecating, but it doesn't occur to him to actually apologize to all of the people sitting there waiting for him to do something

Why are these people still coming?!

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Never go to Niagara Falls for the 4th of July. The rush when people leave is like the Rapture

Weirdly good advice coupled with me now wishing to avoid the Rapture traffic jam.

21 minutes ago, Xan said:

I love this so much.

Has anyone thought about letting Gary take that mental competency test that Trump took?  I'm beginning to wonder if he could even name the elephant.

Gary: "Ah-le-thang - Becky, what's the one with big ears?"

Becky: "mammoth."