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Gwen Shamblin Lara 13: Shut UP You Paper-Thin Chip Licker!


nelliebelle1197

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15 hours ago, FreefromRF said:

. You would not dare to skip going to whatever gathering that Gwen announce

Maybe Remnant people losing weight has nothing to do  with  this philosophy https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32495-gwen-shamblin-8-not-smart-enough-to-think/?do=findComment&comment=1802068  but simply because there are too many made up Jewish holidays and kitten christenings and people don't have the time to grocery shop, cook or dine. 

Gwen thinks not-eating makes you a valuable soldier. In most armies the people who starve themselves won't last that long but  I guess they're needed if it's a spiritual war against nutrition. 

Spoiler

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https://www.remnantfellowship.tv/how-to-stop-being-a-controller/

This is a "Remnant TV" episode where David Martin and Gwen quickly tell us that a fly landing on your plate or a dog licking your plate is an act of God.  He sends them to save you from the sin of overeating.  They also go on to say that if you want to be the best at anything (sports, music, school, even medicine) then you must go to Remnant Fellowship because following Gwen is the only way.

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So, Gwen, please name an athlete, musician, scholar or a doctor who attends RF and is the best at anything.   Just one will do. (The best in RF doesn't count.)

Today we learn that getting skinnier is the most urgent thing in the entire effing UNIVERSE. The universe is 13.7 billions of years old and there are countless galaxies interspersed in  vast emptiness spanning billions of light years in it, but  the most important thing is whether you weigh less this morning than you did the last time you hopped on the scales.

(You  really regret that last donut now, don't you?)

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32495-gwen-shamblin-8-not-smart-enough-to-think/?do=findComment&comment=1802418

 

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Edited by AmazonGrace
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2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Jesus came into the world to tell you that you need to reduce your food intake.

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32495-gwen-shamblin-8-not-smart-enough-to-think/?do=findComment&comment=1802799

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If you starve and your body suffers you will be more like Jesus

I don't know why this strikes me as so obscene today... but it is. So many people globally who have insufficient nutrition and Gwod's running a "Biblical" anorexia cult. Even in her local area they could provide food to people who are hungry - but no, Gwod only wants to focus on the "godliness" of her starvation. 

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Well Gwen had another wedding last night and this was held at her beloved Ashlawn.  It was a "Royal Wedding" as the groom was Addison Martin, son of David Martin, and Anna Wolgemuth but it appears as if the father isn't in the picture as the mother escorted the bride down the aisle.  There were, at my count, 14 bridesmaids, 2 junior bridesmaids and 4 flower girls.  Oddly there appeared from pictures to be several groups of young children singing during the wedding.  Of course Gwen had a full out dance ensemble during her wedding ceremony so who knows what her new obsession is.  I can assure this she is studying any and all royal weddings around the world to copy in some way.  I was quite shocked to see that David Martin didn't have usual just rolled out of bed attire but a full tuxedo and looked very nice.

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New "Life with Gwen and Joe" is up.  This one is "Blessings for Obedience and the Garden of Life".  They're sitting on a bench that's been carried into the kitchen and Gwen is in a frilly white slip dress with yet another pair of silly platform shoes with bows.  Arranged behind them are bowls and baskets of fruits and vegetables -- and a pie.  Part of this is on an ugly, ornate, pedestal table that's beside the kitchen fireplace.  At some point, an underling must come in with white roses because, in some shots, Gwen has a vase of white roses positioned near her feet.

The message is about how everything is provided for us.  Gwen tells us that, in order to get blessings like these, we have to lay down our sins and obey ALL the commands that God makes.  Joe explains that his "life's garden" started producing a "lot of fruit" when he married a rich older lady started following God's commands.  

Gwen:  "What am I doing here?  Am I bowing down to a pan of brownies?  Am I bowing down to money?"  (Uh...yes, Gwen.  You do bow down to money.)  Joe reads a passage about about repenting of sin and Gwen turns, dramatically, and says, "Repent -- and LIVE!"  

Gwen:   (About God testing you.)   "If you give up, if it gets really hot and you give up, and you...you...uh...and you don't want to be tested like that, you know, to live forever, and you want to go on and go back to your ways or get out, then -- hey.  That's up to you."  And, "So I've been through some very hot testing.  And, and, and, uh...during those times, I had to hang on for dear life and then, the next thing I know, the blessings start coming back in."  Translation:  Sometimes the flock starts to slip away and the money dries up but, then, I get them back and have more money so that I can spend what I want to on inappropriate clothing!

Joe adds that he's seen some of the tests that Gwen has gone through, "And I must say that you've handled them with incredible grace, incredible poise...(Here, she looks directly at him and points to the ceiling and he, obediently, looks up.  I think she mouths the word "God" and Joe keeps talking and looks up a lot.)  "She's comes out the back side with incredible beauty..." (and he, meaningfully, grabs her hand.  Joe has learned his lesson.  You gotta suck up to Gwen big time.  She controls the money, doesn't she, Joe?)

Gwen talks about how you have to lay down sin and, the next thing I know, she's talking about how people have trouble with this because they say "I've gone to food all my life for comfort..."  Eating isn't a sin, Gwenny.  It just isn't.  

....

The mystery of the cushions continues.  In every screenshot where she's sitting, you can see pillows.  I know she likes to be higher and taller but now I'm wondering if she's lost so much weight that merely sitting -- even on upholstered chairs -- is difficult.  And the kitchen!  Why do they need an open fireplace?  And is that "ROYAL" appliance a wine cooler?  If not, what is it?  

In the screenshots, I've included one of the horrible "saddlebag dress".  It always makes me laugh.  And Gwen and Joe kiss at the end of the video.  I wonder if that's replacing the twirl?

Spoiler

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And here's the link to the video:

Spoiler

 

 

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As usual, the props are tasteless and completely over-the-top ? I hope no one else in Brentwood needed any tomatoes or zucchinis that day!

Edited by throwaway9988
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Just now, throwaway9988 said:

As usual, the props are tasteless and completely over-the-top ? I hope no one else in Brentwood needed any tomatoes or zuccinis that day!

Seriously! That’s a colossal waste of fresh produce if it’s not used for something ??‍♀️

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On 9/1/2020 at 10:03 PM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

Michelle's son is a "G" name - Grantham,  Shades of Downton Abbey. I suspect the newest grandson will also have a "G" name.

Not that there is anything odd or unusual in the real world about being older parents, but this is RF world.  Michael and Erin have been married 18 years. They're both pushing 40. There's a fairly large gap between the last child and the new son. 

None of that seems like the RF way what with the emphasis on marrying young, having children young, and then being young grandparents.

I'm honestly surprised M & E had another child.  FJ-ers who are around RF - was there any talk Elle was pregnant?

Or is it possible that there is foul play?! The possibilities are endless. ?

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4 hours ago, RFsurvivor said:

Seriously! That’s a colossal waste of fresh produce if it’s not used for something ??‍♀️

We’re trying to have our own gardens in Brentwood, so hopefully not too many people were put out by their hoarding and wasting. 

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I have a question for any former RF members here:  Does anyone say anything about Gwen's outrageous hair or her ridiculous platform shoes?  I haven't noticed any members trying to copy her on either of those so they know, on some level, that they're silly.  Is she so "Godly" that she can't be criticized for anything -- even marrying Joe?  I'm mystified.  I mean, I know it's a cult.  Even in a cult, you sometimes can see that the emperor has no clothes.

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4 hours ago, Xan said:

I have a question for any former RF members here:  Does anyone say anything about Gwen's outrageous hair or her ridiculous platform shoes?  I haven't noticed any members trying to copy her on either of those so they know, on some level, that they're silly.  Is she so "Godly" that she can't be criticized for anything -- even marrying Joe?  I'm mystified.  I mean, I know it's a cult.  Even in a cult, you sometimes can see that the emperor has no clothes.

I am not an ex Remnant member, but I did notice that as soon as Gwen got a divorce, my Remnant coworker finally divorced her abusive husband. She seemed so much happier afterwards. She had stayed with him for years because she thought divorce was not an option according to Gwen’s teachings prior to Gwen changing her stance. 

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15 hours ago, Xan said:

I have a question for any former RF members here:  Does anyone say anything about Gwen's outrageous hair or her ridiculous platform shoes?  I haven't noticed any members trying to copy her on either of those so they know, on some level, that they're silly.  Is she so "Godly" that she can't be criticized for anything -- even marrying Joe?  I'm mystified.  I mean, I know it's a cult.  Even in a cult, you sometimes can see that the emperor has no clothes.

Hi!!  As a formerRF member I can assure you that if you were to question her hair or shoes you would be considered a mocker and put on what I always called the "watch list".  Tiffani Day did tell me one time that God had gifted Gwen as her glorious head of hair and it was an honor when she got to brush it for her.  I personally always thought it was a bump in it to make it stand up higher.  The shoes I never got and wondered where she even ordered them from.  I will say that most RFers I knew preferred wedges and I alleyways assumed it was because it was Gwen's chosen shoe.

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She wrote that God chooses her wardrobe so surely it would be blasphemous to question God's taste?

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32495-gwen-shamblin-8-not-smart-enough-to-think/?do=findComment&comment=1804446

The devotional follows regular programming. Just wondering why Gwen capitalizes Heaven, Angels, and some times even things like True Love or  the Growl,  but not hades, satan. Is it just that the bad side doesn't deserve the honor?

Ted Bundy was pretty bad but I still capitalize his name because, well, it's a name.

Edited by AmazonGrace
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2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

She wrote that God chooses her wardrobe so surely it would be blasphemous to question God's taste?

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32495-gwen-shamblin-8-not-smart-enough-to-think/?do=findComment&comment=1804446

The devotional follows regular programming. Just wondering why Gwen capitalizes Heaven, Angels, and some times even things like True Love or  the Growl,  but not hades, satan. Is it just that the bad side doesn't deserve the honor?

Ted Bundy was pretty bad but I still capitalize his name because, well, it's a name.

Haha. There is no rhyme or reason to capitalization or punctuation in the Remnant. Many emails contain gratuitous use of both all-caps and between three and seventeen exclamation points, because the writer needs to make it crystal clear that they are ecstatically happy about everything. Im not sure if they still do this, but they also used to think it was fun To CaPiTaLiZe LiKe tHiS!!!!!!!!!!!!! which I find hilarious because now everyone on the internet capitalizes like that to mock someone who has said something incredibly stupid (refer to the “mocking spongebob” meme).

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I just had a thought!  God is picking out Gwen’s clothes, I guess Joe let’s God pick out his clothes as well!  What if God wanted Joe to wear something that didn’t match Gwen???  I guess Joe would have heard wrong because God would NEVER have them clash!!! ?? 

What a farce!  

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12 hours ago, cookingbutterchicken said:

I just had a thought!  God is picking out Gwen’s clothes, I guess Joe let’s God pick out his clothes as well!  What if God wanted Joe to wear something that didn’t match Gwen???  I guess Joe would have heard wrong because God would NEVER have them clash!!! ?? 

What a farce!  

Matching is something that is required in Gwen land.  I am sure Joe's wardrobe was completely styled upon the beginning of dating.  I always have felt for those grandchildren in those outlandish that match week after week.  

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How many members does Remnant have? Gwen pretends to have seen thousands and millions get healed thanks to Remnant,

Happy marriages prove God, so it must be why Gwen is divorced. https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32495-gwen-shamblin-8-not-smart-enough-to-think/?do=findComment&comment=1804724

Gwen has experienced "liquid joy".

Spoiler

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8 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

How many members does Remnant have? Gwen pretends to have seen thousands and millions get healed thanks to Remnant

there’s over 2.2k who like the remnant Facebook page but that doesn’t account for the children and those who don’t use Facebook. I would estimate between 3-4 thousand. Even when I was a member I don’t remember hearing a number.

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6 minutes ago, RFsurvivor said:

there’s over 2.2k who like the remnant Facebook page but that doesn’t account for the children and those who don’t use Facebook. I would estimate between 3-4 thousand. Even when I was a member I don’t remember hearing a number.

I was informed by a leader (in late 2015) that RF was a little past 3k that year. I would imagine that their numbers have dwindled a bit (and will continue to do so) in recent years due to the Lara / Shamblin marriage/divorce/legal controversies.

Hopefully this is a strong trend that continues...

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Today's devotional requires some scientific context. https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32495-gwen-shamblin-8-not-smart-enough-to-think/?do=findComment&comment=1805038

To recap, God wants love to be eternal. Gwen explains that "eternal" means that it will never end. "Never" means that it will not end as long as the stars twinkle, as long  sun rises and as long as the moon reflects light. The sun is about halfway through its life so by my estimation eternal love has about 5 billion years left.  The moon is destined to disintegrate when the sun develops into a red giant. The life span of other stars depends on the star and some of the stars we see have already died, so to speak, but for the purposes of this discussion I will assume that eternal love will last as long as there is at least some starlight reaching the Earth. https://www.space.com/3373-earth-moon-destined-disintegrate.html

Next, you will have to use your imagination to create a huge, separate planet far, far away. Imagine there are love-filled saints from thousands of centuries. A little simple math tells us that there are saints from hundreds of thousands years. Either they live very long or they got resurrected at some point. Either way the saints on this far away planet that you imagined are much older than Remnant Fellowship, or anyone in the Bible. Some of them might be older than humans, as the first emergence of Homo sapiens was about 300,000 years ago.

Further imagine that your imaginary planet is "a planet of no pain". Gwen helpfully explains that this means that it is "a painless planet". I had assumed that as inanimate entities, all planets generally feel no pain, but it is good to make sure.

Did you imagine all that? Good. Then you go on to imagine that the leader of your planet made sure there are no hateful emotions there. There are colossal walls and white pearly gates, and somehow this will prevent negative emotions. People in wall-enclosed compounds have never felt bad for any reason ever.

Wait, what? You're saying this does not make sense to you? It does not need to make sense. This is a make believe planet that you conjured up in your head, it can be just as wacky as you want.

Have you imagined this far away planet now? All ready? Good. Your imaginary planet of love just proved that the God of Love is the author of all beautiful relationships.  Your far away fantasy world just proved that the Bible is the true history of the search of loving hearts, starting with Abraham.

Wait, what? The Bible doesn't start with Abraham, you say?

Shut up and imagine that it does.

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Pictorial Gwen today: If you think you will be safe you will bring disaster on the watered land and the dry land.

How, why? Nobody knows.

 

Edited by AmazonGrace
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16 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Further imagine that your imaginary planet is "a planet of no pain". Gwen helpfully explains that this means that it is "a painless planet". I had assumed that as inanimate entities, all planets generally feel no pain, but it is good to make sure.

Hmm... well, there was Unicron in the Transformers universe who was sort of a planet. I'm not sure if Cybertron itself was ever sentient or not TBH.

So wait, Heaven is a planet? 

I'm confused. 

Also - my best guess on the pillows? Hemorrhoids.

And I think they missed an opportunity on that video. I'd have started with empty baskets and then over the course of the video have more and more produce appear bit by bit. Like God providing his bounty for them not to eat.

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