Maxwell 38: Forgotten Jesse and the Spinsters Have to Replace the Vests for the Wedding

[Maggie Mae]

5 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Eat cake

Fellowship

Pose for pictures

Fellowship

Catch the bouquet/"arm band"

Fellowship

See the couple off

Blog about all the fellowshipping you did

I'm bored just reading that. Put some music on and pour a drink! I've been to plenty of no-alcohol weddings, most were kind of boring. But only one no music, no dancing wedding. I thought it was because of money (church basement, the bride was a crazy person who yelled at me at her wedding receiving line because I didn't attend her strip-club bachelorette party that no one invited me to) and it wasn't fun at all, but you know, extenuating circumstances.

So many of the photos that Christopher takes of weddings aren't exactly screaming with joy. 

[Bethy]

9 hours ago, Schroema said:

Cedarville in general is pretty conservative (I live in the same county.) I can’t decide if that pic is from the Cedarville falls or not. That is a semi popular place for weddings. If so it’s part of Indian Mound Reserve, part of the Greene county park system. 

When you say conservative, I'm assuming you mean likely to vote Republican, be pro-life, etc. (I think DeWine is actually FROM Cedarville but I could be wrong) and by and large I remember Cedarville checking all of those boxes. But keep in mind that the Maxes are such a stricter sect that they believe skirts/dresses must be worn at all times, appropriateness to the activity not being a factor, and they are really, really into needing music to be ultra-conservative. When they did music on their dog and pony show, and ultimately recorded that unfortunate CD, I remember them saying that they picked the bluegrass style because it was less likely to push the envelope toward "worldly" music like CCM/praise and worship can. Cedarville University is way less conservative than Steve's standards, on a lot of things, and many churches in town had followed suit during the 90s when I was there. Music is such a huge dealbreaker to these people that I could see Steve refusing his blessing on a potential spouse who attends a conventional church (strike one!) with a praise band/worship team (strikes 2-infinity) and so much the worse if they let the womenfolk wear pants while leading such music.

[Bazinga]

1 hour ago, Loveday said:

My first reaction was to laugh, but then, well...you know.  I remembered the reality of their situation. 

I know those poor girls, they don't stand a chance.

Just wondering out loud here, I'm curious what this truly says for their "brand" that they can't marry off any of their girls. That's got to get weird during gatherings right?

[Captain Obvious]

7 minutes ago, Bazinga said:

I know those poor girls, they don't stand a chance.

Just wondering out loud here, I'm curious what this truly says for their "brand" that they can't marry off any of their girls. That's got to get weird during gatherings right?

I’m sure it’s got to the stage that not only are Steve and Teri aware of how it looks, but other mothers are sidling up to Teri and offering sympathy about her sad situation. In a way, the sympathy/concern Teri and Steve would get would be similar to what they would get if a child had strayed from the faith - because the inability of daughters to marry is a sign that God has not favoured them, and In fundie thinking it is a signifier that perhaps you weren’t praying hard enough or weren’t otherwise reaping if God continues to deny you. It wouldn’t be an issue so much with sons because of various Biblical passages praising celibacy for men.

Their image can totally withstand one daughter (Sarah) not being married because that’s also fairly normal in their circles - but not three.

For that reason I think either Anna or Mary will be engaged within the next 12 months, even if Steve has to break some of his own rules to achieve it. 

[Dandruff]

Wonder what they're doing for a honeymoon.

[LurkerOverThePond]

10 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Has Steve ever confirmed that he is officially anti-jewelry? If so, I suppose it makes sense that they wear so many scarves and headbands since those are their only acceptable accessories. 

I'm not really sure, I just think he said that somewhere but have no evidence of it.

About the new couple's honeymoon destination... just a wild guess: Colorado!

[allyisyourpally5]

Jewellery I imagine is in the same category as contrasting buttons. It defrauds people away from the face and causes them to stare at sinful parts of the body. 
They do say ear lobes have a sexual vibe....as does clearly the wrist or the neck.....

im pretty sure a simple necklace will be in the same category as a nipple piercing to them. If they actually have knowledge that a nipple piercing exists.....

If I was a fundie, bride or groom, I think the most awkward part would be the wedding night. Not just because I had been forbidden to even touch my new spouse until then but was now expected to go the whole way the first time I had spent any time alone with them, but because my whole family would know!

I mean I know it’s a given to have sex on your wedding night, but I’ve never even thought about it when going to my friends weddings! 
 

Yet they make such a big deal about purity, having sex, and starting to make babies right away.....I would be so put off knowing my whole families and all my friends knew that I was loosing my virginity that night! And you know they are because they all make such a big thing and talk about it during the ceremony!

One of my friends admitted that her husband and her did have sex but it was short and not too amazing - she said she was just so tired from the day and had barely had time to eat and they both were just exhausted from the pressure of being bride and groom! Others in my friendship group admitted the same thing! The pressure the Fundies are under must be horrific!

[anachronistic]

Fundie weddings remind me a lot of funerals I’ve been to.

- get all dressed up, very modest 

- long, boring church service that may or may not have anything to do with the person(s)

- kids running around with no idea what’s going on

- long toasts by various people

- no music, no dancing

- lots of reminiscing and people being sad 

- talk about who’s next

- nibble-type food that isn’t a full meal but it’s okay because it’s usually at the wrong time of day for a full meal anyway

Except at funerals there is sometimes a cash bar, the clothes are different colors, and the guest of honor isn’t actually there in body and spirit, just body. Oh, and weddings have cake and funerals have an assortment of dry pastries. Although in recent years it does seem that food is improving at funerals. Or maybe that’s just the funerals I’ve been to.

(Nb, I mean pre-covid funerals. There’s been 2 people I would’ve gone to theirs this spring but neither had any type of service yet for obvious reasons.)

[Schroema]

8 hours ago, Bethy said:

When you say conservative, I'm assuming you mean likely to vote Republican, be pro-life, etc. (I think DeWine is actually FROM Cedarville but I could be wrong) and by and large I remember Cedarville checking all of those boxes. But keep in mind that the Maxes are such a stricter sect that they believe skirts/dresses must be worn at all times, appropriateness to the activity not being a factor, and they are really, really into needing music to be ultra-conservative. When they did music on their dog and pony show, and ultimately recorded that unfortunate CD, I remember them saying that they picked the bluegrass style because it was less likely to push the envelope toward "worldly" music like CCM/praise and worship can. Cedarville University is way less conservative than Steve's standards, on a lot of things, and many churches in town had followed suit during the 90s when I was there. Music is such a huge dealbreaker to these people that I could see Steve refusing his blessing on a potential spouse who attends a conventional church (strike one!) with a praise band/worship team (strikes 2-infinity) and so much the worse if they let the womenfolk wear pants while leading such music.

I actually meant religious conservatives. While pants and music might be ok, I think many of the underlining beliefs are the same. ?‍♀️ I’m not super close with anyone who attends church in Cedarville but I don’t see skirts only as sticking out like it would other places. 

[petrushka]

13 hours ago, Bethella said:

Still no word on where Jesse and Anna Patrice will be living. There are currently no property records under Jesse's name in Leavenworth County, which means that the sale of his original house did go through. I'm wondering if there's a delay in either the purchase of a new house or possibly the website isn't being updated regularly due to the shutdown. I suppose another possibility is that they'll be living at Gigi's house or the main house, or horror of horrors- renting. 

I'm dying to know this also.  Am wishing they would live anywhere but Leavenworth (nothing against the town, BTW), just put a little more distance between them and the fathership.

 

[Tatar-tot]

9 hours ago, Dandruff said:

Wonder what they're doing for a honeymoon.

Having sex at the local Holiday Inn.

[SassyPants]

12 hours ago, divadivine said:

Once you leave & cleave you’re only part of the extended family & you lose your spot on the dog & pony show website. 

Yet still controlled and manipulated by Steve.

[SassyPants]

I’ve been to one fundie wedding. My best friend growing up had a transformation in her 30s and married a very religious man. Her wedding was in early April in a warmer area of CA. No music, no dancing, obviously no libations. They ran out of iced tea and ice and it was unseasonably hot. I was 5 months PG...the Uncle of the groom got up at the reception and gave a fire and brimstone speech, at which point my husband leaned over and whispered, “ I predict these folks won’t be our BFFs in the future” He was correct. They went on to have 3 kids in 3 years, and more later on. Yep, they are still fundie to the core, but nice enough folks.
 

My friend had been such a dynamic and smart woman. She was riding a motorcycle, jumping out of planes and piloting a small plane in high school. She was educated and an engineer( we are in our 60s, so this was more unusual at that time). I am sure she is still dynamic and smart, but all her energy now goes to Jesus and her family.

[crawfishgirl]

Many years ago, I attended a wedding where the bride's family was conservative but not fundy, and they had some money.  The church wedding was pretty with expensive flowers and an expensive dress.  Then, they had a cake and punch reception in a room at the church. I was surprised, since a lot of money went into the wedding itself, but not much into the reception, which I found unusual.  To each his own, I guess.

I'm originally from south Louisiana, which is very Catholic.  The weddings there were always a lot of fun, with a lot of dancing, alcohol and food at the receptions.  I eloped, but otherwise I would have enjoyed having an entertaining reception.

 

[MamaJunebug]

Dissenting HO about the bridal dress. I can’t fathom heavy long sleeves in the Midwest in late May, but I completely approve of it. Love the neckline and think the necklace and earrings go well. 

Where, please, can I find a Craig Family webpage or FB? Anna’s spectacles make me think of hipsters (I know, I’m about a decade behind), and they give her the general appearance of an educated young woman who’s used to being in the world (if not of the world). 

They also are like the ones Big Daddy JB wore in the 1950s, while Big Mama JB’s were the cat-eye variety, as befit the rigid gender rules of those whacked-out times.

My point: I wonder how long we’ll see those, before Her Jesseship pointedly advises her to change them out. After all, the Maxwells live in the 1950s in all things but Technology. I can’t image Steve letting Anna’s unis*x frames exist in Leavenworth for long.  

[fundiefan]

Never mind.

Edited May 25, 2020 by fundiefan

[Granwych]

17 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

My experience in the south with the cake and punch receptions were the weddings were held around 2 pm and the reception at 3 pm so no one was being starved.  The receptions were over by 4 or so with plenty of time for people to get dinner.  

I've been to one fundie wedding and  that's enough.  Grampwych and I went  because I knew the bride since she was two years old (she was seventeen at her wedding ) and Gramp went because his ex wife's brother had been an assistant pastor at the bride's  independent fundamentalist KJ only Baptist church.   The whole time was a crashing bore, from the pastor giving a sermon about sin to no caffeinated let alone alcoholic beverages served.   We got stuck at a table with a very dull couple who gave thanks over the pigs-in-a-blanket appetizers and every course thereafter.  We couldn't get out fast enough and when I found my coat someone had stolen the brooch I'd fastened to the lapel.

The couple had a kid right away.   Kid was three when the wife walked away from the marriage.   No surprise to me.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 25, 2020 by Granwych
Senior moment while typing

[nausicaa]

2 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

Many years ago, I attended a wedding where the bride's family was conservative but not fundy, and they had some money.  The church wedding was pretty with expensive flowers and an expensive dress.  Then, they had a cake and punch reception in a room at the church. I was surprised, since a lot of money went into the wedding itself, but not much into the reception, which I found unusual.  To each his own, I guess.

That's what's always been odd to me. I'm not anti-small wedding, or anti snacks-only. In fact, I think a small afternoon wedding with a tea-like reception at someone's house sounds kind of sweet.

What's jarring to me is always the juxtaposition between how much effort is put into these super large bridal parties, elaborate matching dresses, and flowers, and then nothing afterwards. Seems strange to put so much effort into one or two hours. Then again, I guess when you have such large families, it's difficult to have a small wedding party or a small wedding in general. I think I've seen so many fundie weddings I've just adjusted my expectations. 

[Bethy]

1 hour ago, nausicaa said:

That's what's always been odd to me. I'm not anti-small wedding, or anti snacks-only. In fact, I think a small afternoon wedding with a tea-like reception at someone's house sounds kind of sweet.

What's jarring to me is always the juxtaposition between how much effort is put into these super large bridal parties, elaborate matching dresses, and flowers, and then nothing afterwards. Seems strange to put so much effort into one or two hours. Then again, I guess when you have such large families, it's difficult to have a small wedding party or a small wedding in general. I think I've seen so many fundie weddings I've just adjusted my expectations. 

I think being frugal to the point of painfully cheap is a virtue among fundies. Partly out of necessity (they just don't have the money to pay for one Big White Wedding, let alone half a dozen or more, depending on how many daughter-arrows they were blessed with) and partly because of ideologies like "buy used and save the difference." People who buy worn-out secondhand sneakers for their toddlers certainly aren't going to shell out any kind of money for a meal at a wedding when said toddler grows up.

[PennySycamore]

2 hours ago, nausicaa said:

That's what's always been odd to me. I'm not anti-small wedding, or anti snacks-only. In fact, I think a small afternoon wedding with a tea-like reception at someone's house sounds kind of sweet.

What's jarring to me is always the juxtaposition between how much effort is put into these super large bridal parties, elaborate matching dresses, and flowers, and then nothing afterwards. Seems strange to put so much effort into one or two hours. Then again, I guess when you have such large families, it's difficult to have a small wedding party or a small wedding in general. I think I've seen so many fundie weddings I've just adjusted my expectations. 

Eleanor Roosevelt, widow of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, wrote a book of commonsense etiquette after she was widowed.  She said that one of the most beautiful weddings that she had ever been to was a small home wedding.  

That reminds me that I'll get to see my favorite cinematic wedding this evening:  Homer and Wilma's wedding at the end of The Best Years of Our Lives.  It's just a simple, heartfelt home wedding.  

[CyborgKin]

My most exciting wedding reception story is the most recent one I attended.  We each got to cook our own steak on an individual hot lavarock grill.  This immediately produced a significant amount of haze... fortunately the groom's family contained some electricians and there was a ladder handy so we were able to disconnect the fire alarm and finally get a moment's peace from the shrill beeping which we had caused

[Quiverfulloftwins]

I guess my wedding would be considered fundie by most. We married in a church at two in the afternoon afterwards we had a reception with chicken salad sandwiches, chocolate fountain, cheese straws, mints and two kinds of cake. We had about 150 guests we had our reception in an old Victorian house owned by the church. I enjoy big fancy weddings where you get to dance but it is just not me.

[VVV]

22 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

My experience in the south with the cake and punch receptions were the weddings were held around 2 pm and the reception at 3 pm so no one was being starved.  The receptions were over by 4 or so with plenty of time for people to get dinner.  

This was my wedding exactly, though we had finger sandwiches in addition to cake and punch. Reception in the church fellowship hall so no alcohol and no dancing. A couple of my friends played viola and harp duos—they were also colleagues so the music was excellent. Everything was over in plenty of time for people to go get dinner.  

I have no regrets and we’re still happy after 30 years.

[Caroline]

2 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

Eleanor Roosevelt, widow of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, wrote a book of commonsense etiquette after she was widowed.  She said that one of the most beautiful weddings that she had ever been to was a small home wedding.  

That reminds me that I'll get to see my favorite cinematic wedding this evening:  Homer and Wilma's wedding at the end of The Best Years of Our Lives.  It's just a simple, heartfelt home wedding.  

My favorite wedding was my own: my husband, me, an attorney friend to marry us and a seagull or two as witnesses on our favorite beach on a Tuesday morning in June    We dressed up, had breakfast at a fancy restaurant (lovely Irish waitress), returned home to change, and drove several hours north for a honeymoon in Quebec.  It was perfect.  I highly recommend eloping.  Our families got over it and had a big celebration a few months later - a surprise which made them all happy.   I remember every detail, which is more than I can say than some of my friends who had huge weddings and who were nervous wrecks!

[HoneyBunny]

Gosh, no Memorial Day post expounding on all the fetuses that have been killed since Roe v. Wade, no post on the “bombshell” wedding details, no updates on Anna and Chris’s flight to Washington...are they just tired or have their minds been blow by so many activities occurring simultaneously? I can just see their next post being about the joys of refrigerator cleaning, or how to redeem those 90 seconds of microwave time for a greater goal  instead of sharing the real deets.