Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[Four is Enough]

20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Coven-19.

That was deliberate, right? ?

[thoughtful]

42 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

21 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Coven-19.

That was deliberate, right? ?

But of course! I would have listed all of Gary's many names for it, but I just didn't have the energy to type it all out. I should probably save it somewhere to c&p when needed. That and "sunscreen number, not social security number, Gary."

BTW, there was another service last night at Through the Grace of God Ministries - no Hawkinses, and it looks like the pastor is preaching to the pianist and one other person. The video has had 60 views, so they may be pretty well-settled into the remote-service routine.

Gary will probably give them guilt about not having everybody in church coughing on one another.

Spoiler

Here's where Gary has shlepped his family for today:

Spoiler

https://www.facebook.com/Alden-Baptist-Church-873945139363069/

[PumaLover]

OK folks, whoever writes their Facebook posts is only slightly better at writing than Bro. Also I went down the list just knowing abortion would be mentioned as the biggest killer.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Dear Church

in 2016  1.1 million in America were living with HIV.

As of 2018. 700,000 in America died of AIDS.  They were all loved by somebody.

Get it right you asshats. 

[Four is Enough]

It sounds as if they're saying all these deaths have happened between Jan 1 and now... wow, they have up to date information! (she said, sarcastically. Those numbers are shitl)

 

[Caroline]

I know I sound like a tremendous snob, but I couldn't go to a church where the leadership can't spell or write their native language correctly.  What's the congregation like?  If that's being snobby, then I'm a snob.

 

[thoughtful]

Alden Baptist - their pastor is also the pianist, and they have a bass player!

Spoiler

They sing At Calvary. The pastor makes announcements, saying he wants things back to normal. "I don't like when they talk about 'the new normal,' I don't fall for that. I'd rather say back to the way God *___ tell us to."

* word drowned out by Gary's loud "AMEN!"

They sing There is a Fountain Filled With Blood, (that one really dips into the blood images, you should pardon the expression), then there's a special (the pastor's family), singing a medley of  Lord I Want to Go to Heaven and I'm Not Going to Hell. They are pretty good, and both songs have more of a country sound than Gospel, to my ear. Gary yells AMEN! and other comments several times, laughs, sings along, is clearly very excited by the music.

Uh, Gary, I thought you eschewed Country style music, even if the message is Christian? Maybe you might reconsider how inspiring it is to hear a message you believe, sung with skill and fervor, regardless of the style of music. Heck, you might even like the Verdi Requiem or the Bach St, Matthew Passion, if you gave them a chance!

Then the Hawkinses gather at the piano and sing Standing on the Rock of Ages, and Thanks to Calvary, which I've never heard them sing before. They sound somewhat better than usual, and get a lot of support from the churchgoers.

Gary goes to the lectern, tells them they are staying "somewhere" then going to "Clinton (Becky: "Clanton"), Ohi - uh, Clinton, Alabama." He asks their prayers for the the tent revival. "We're at a rescue michigan, like, uh, uh, they feed people, they  give away food."

Maybe it's my own bias, but Gary sounds somewhere between dismissive and puzzled about that practice. However, he warms up to tell this fact about them:

"They've been havin' church every night since THANKSgivin' of last year."

He goes on to say that he was ready to leave after preaching there for two nights, and "the guy" (he doesn't say who - I sure hope it was the pastor!) said he could set up his tent, and asked him how long he could stay. He told them, and that's how they are now stuck with him until 6/25.

Maybe the bellowing pastor needs to rest his throat.

"I'm not looking for the hole in the ground, I'm looking for the hole in the sky." He follows this with the undertaker/upper-taker line. Since Gary likes old things:

Spoiler

Is this the kind of upper-taker you mean, Gar?

The ad is fake, BTW - I just thought it fit Gary's aesthetic:

https://fakehistoryhunter.wordpress.com/2019/09/10/not-a-vintage-ad-for-amphetamine/

Gary announces the Bible reading, then gets distracted to continue telling them about the tent revival, in "Clinton, Alabama."

Finally, he reads 2 Timothy 4:1-8, mostly correctly, although "they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables" becomes "they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned into fables."

Look, Ma - I'm a story!

So this is one of the "run the good race, prepare for the end" sermons, which we've heard before. Notable or unique moments below.

"And, uh, we are in tahmsss. Y'know, as far as the title of the message, In Tahms Like Thissss. What kinda tahms are we in? We're in troubling tahmsssss, we're in hard tahmsssss, we're in per'lis tahmsssss."

Gary mocks people for wanting a performance and a "fairy tale" instead of preaching. Then he jokes about telling some kids from the church that he was going to read from the Bible "pitch a fit," then sit down. "People want their ears tickles."

"I mean hey, I mean hey, they're burnin' cities up, they're destroyin' places, they're uh uh killin' people, ah mean,  'n' ah'm gon' tell you somethin', HEY, it ain't over Black people, it ain't over White people, it ain't over Spanish people, AMEN!"

Then, quietly: "It's over wickedness, that's what it is."

He does the usual "they're all throwin' rocks but me," then throws shade at those who thought God told them to close church.

He's misunderstanding "charged" again. Gary, if you insist on using the KJV, learn what the language means. It's the "to lay on or impose, as a task" definition in this case, Gary - people weren't using batteries and electric plugs in either Paul's time or 1611.

https://av1611.com/kjbp/kjv-dictionary/charge.html

He also repeatedly says they need to hear preaching to get "plugged up" - I wonder if he will ever learn to say "plugged in."

If Gary's preaching plugs you up, folks, eat a prune.

The governor "up there" (Gary, most of these folks probably have no idea you're from North Carolina) hates God because he's not saved. "Ah pray for him, ah'm just not gonna tell you what ah prayed amen."

He says everybody got mad about his Facebook video (I assume he's talking about the one outside the cabin, telling us that men need to dress like women). Maybe he's heard privately from someone, or deleted comments, but the 14 comments I see are all still cheering him on.

He laments that there are preachers who get a message off of the Internet, rather than right out of the Bible. "Ah have taken another man's message and preached it, but it was after ah put it in mah words . . . or God's words amen?"

Gary, you are so caught up in imitating old-time preachers, you keep their references to TV shows that went off the air 15 years before you were born! You quote their jokes and hell-bound warnings with garbled sentences and mispronunciations that render them meaningless. Don't claim you are not an imitator.

He says we're in a time when they don't need to worry about the Catholic or the Methodist, but "our own crowd." He's been in Independent Baptist churches where "they don't even know what the Bible is."

"Consoversy" again - several times, in this sermon. Also "alkeehol." Also "Endear the affliction." OK, that could just be his accent, but it's really far from even the most Southern pronunciation of "endure" that I've ever heard.

You have to do the work. He was with another preacher the other day, and they had both run out of tracts. Gary says it could be his fault if the lady they wanted to give a tract to went to Hell.

He says he's not just saying this because they're letting him preach, but he feels God when he is there. He can't say that about every church. But they could lose God's presence if they don't do the work.

When he goes to a church, he likes to see "a good nuclis of diff'rint kinds of people." By which he means various ages. He's been to some churches that were only senior citizens, and he thinks they didn't want anyone else: "Ah'm not bein' disrespectful, ah'm not bein' mean, but ahm'ana tell ya raht now - eh listen you say who should be doin' the work for God? Every ssss - what was it a guy asked me the other day when I was down there preachin' the Bible down in Opp Alabama 'n' he says 'Are you an evee - are you a missionary?' and ah said 'No, I'm an evangelist' but then ah said 'Well, you know what? Once you're saved, everybody's a missionary.'"

FINISH A THOUGHT BEFORE GOING ON TO THE NEXT ONE, GARY! We never find out what he wanted to say about the senior citizens.

"Shirley, shirley, you wouldn't get mad at a statement like this. The Confederate flag does not mean what most people thinks it means. HAYMEN!"

Well I would get mad (if you weren't so totally predictable), and (everybody say it with me):

Spoiler

His daughter has a shirt and he posted it on Facebook (he takes a detour to say how he always gets in trouble when he opens his mouth, even with his wife, and some garbled mess about getting a smaller cage for the dog so he wouldn't have to sleep with it ). The shirt (which I assume had the stars and bars on it, although he doesn't say) said "If this offends you, you need a lesson." Smug look, swinging arms, then an extremely high-pitched "AMEN!"

After a pause, he asks "What does the Confederate flag mean?" and a woman's voice clearly says "Slavery" (it's at 49:35).

Gary ignores her. If he could get away with it, he'd fly the American, Confederate and Christian flag on his truck. He gets some amens.

He does his coronavirus riff, and, at 51:15, it sounds like someone says "move on, please." ?

He saw something Trump posted on Facebook (probably not, Gar - probably Twitter). "I don't know where ah was, ah'm always somewhere."

Deep. Here, Becky will like this:

Spoiler

Anyway, Trump posted "on Facebook" - "Ah'm gonna let you know - listen, ah'm gonna override all the governors,  ah'm gonna override all the politicians - you kin go back to church." Of course, Gary reminds us that he didn't need that - he was going to church all along.

He tells a story about a missionary who canceled a visit (due to Covid-19? unclear, of course) to a church that was thinking of supporting him , and, when asked if he "still had a burden for that country," answered "that's what we're prayin' about." Gary somehow assumes that means he was giving up altogether, and says it was a good thing they found out before spending "all those thousands of dollars." He ain't judgin' or talkin' bad 'bout him ? , but there's more preachers quitting than there are starting.

A street preacher got arrested, but "now they're lettin' all these other people ramp and rage." I think that's a Garyism for "rampage." Gary thinks "those people that destroyed Minnesota" should be in jail at night and made to work all day. 

Now, why does that sound familiar? Because it's slavery, you dick. You know, the horror symbolized by that rag that you love.

Gary just wants to be a help, it says so right on his pamphlet, but he says, rather scornfully "ah bin to some places, I couldn't help them - Jesus couldn't help them."

Way to completely cancel out what you claim is your entire life's purpose, dude!

"If ah was doin' it for money, ah tell you what ah'd do, ah'd go get a job. And don't feel sorry for me, God's taken care o' me, so how long? Almost 48 years. Y'know when ah've done without food? When I set out to do that. Not 'cause ah had to."

I'm not sure what all of that meant, but it sure sounds like he's saying he eats better off of others' charity than he did when he worked for a living.

He jokes that he only eats a lot when visiting churches to make the preachers happy.

And if you believe that, folks, I've got something to sell you:

Spoiler

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by thoughtful
Satan moved an apostrophe. Gotta be vigilant!

[thoughtful]

Gary was live outside of the cabin again. He thinks they're in Centerville, Alabama. The green shirt is very flattering to his coloring - wear that one often, Gary.

Spoiler

Between tooth sucks, he tells us he had a good day yesterday, with "good fellowship" and "good liberty to preach," and reminds us that Brother Daniel Bryan (Becky: "Bryant") needs a 15-passenger van if the Lord is willing.

Bryant is the future missionary to Africa with five children and one on the way, who goes to that church - yesterday's post was already so long that I didn't bother adding that.

He asks us to pray for Brother Eby, the "pasture" of the church.

Gary can say "Clanton, Alabama" without help now, which is good, because I heard Becky go inside, probably to start making Gary's midday meal.

He tells us that he is setting up the tent for eleven days, then starts to go into a preacher trance, and dreamily says "praise the Lord, praise be the Lord, praise be the Lord, seven days," shakes himself out of the trance and corrects it to "eleven days."

Back to quiet trance mode. "Hope to see souls saved, hope to see saints incouridged, and hope to see Jesus uplifted, that's the main part, amen. And if we let, Jee, if we lup lee (clears throat) if we'll (very slowly) uplif' Jesus, Jesus'll . . . make room for . . . the rest of it amen?" 

Gary, doing a Facebook live while half asleep is not as dangerous as doing one while driving, but you might want to have your coffee first.

He tells us to pray for "the way of the . .  see . . . Through the Grace Ministries. They're it's a uh . . . uh . . .  rescue mission like thing, nobody gonna stay there, but . . . they feed people, they uh . . . um . . . they give away stuff, they give away a coupla days ago, I guess it was on Satur-  Friday - Friday - Friday they give away over a thousand gallons of milk."

He still sounds rather baffled by this whole idea.

He asks us to pray that, during the tent meetings, we can "see the Lord do some things today - this week - these weeks (chuckle) - eleven days of it amen."

He tries to total up how many days in a row he will have been in church, including that eleven, and still ends up saying "seven - eleven - twelve days straight."

"Pray we git that thing up, and we get some people under there."

He dreamily recites several of his usual tropes about being borned again and knowing that you know that you know you're saved. He reminds us that it's Monday.

"We're in uncertainty tahms" (followed by the usual tahms - per'lis, tryin', hard, rough).

"Lives have been taken for no reason. Fighting over stupid stuff, for no reason. So much of that junk goin' on."

He tells us that, in Alabama, "it's only almost ten o'clock, it's workin' on ten o'clock, so we still got a few more hours before the day ends."

"How ya know you won't get in an accident? How ya know somebody won't come by and  blow your brains out?  How ya know somebody ain't gonna burn ya up? I mean hey, ya don't never know."

"It is appointed unto man once to die. That means that you have an appointment. You have an appointment - with death."

Oh, great - now he's turning the Bible into Agatha Christie titles.

After lots of stuff you've all heard from him dozens of times, we get "One of these days you're gonna fall over dead, then you're gonna meet your eternity destiny."

Oooh, EterNitee and DesTinee would be great names for future Nelsons!

[Xan]

Okay... for some reason Gary is on my last nerve today.  The sheer chutzpah that he has is overwhelming.  Does he really think that he can just sit on his ample behind in front of yet another tourist cabin for which other people indirectly paid and utter his inane and hackneyed tripe and it will convince people?  He just squats there and sucks his teeth and talks about how everybody needs to get "borned agin".  That's his entire message.  Is there anybody who logs onto Facebook who watches this moron and then says to himself, "By golly -- that gentleman is correct!  I am convinced by his lucid arguments!  I'll do this straightaway!"??

He's been doing this for years and either has never been offered a church or has never tried to get one.  I imagine he wears out his welcome fairly quickly.  And maybe, like the Rods, he likes to be pretty much on vacation all the time.  No lawns to mow.  No electric bills to pay.  Also, he feels that he is the only person standing between Heaven and Hell for his occasional flock.  If he just tells them to get saved, they're going to do it.  No reason for him to have to actually work for a living.

I'm beginning to think fundamentalism is one of the last refuges for beggars and scoundrels.  

Edited June 15, 2020 by Xan

[wallysmommy]

I saw on FB yesterday one of my FB friends (someone I haven't seen in real life in over 40 years) is out at midnight handing out tracts at the Fuel Mart store.  Good going, Dude!  Accost strangers at the convenience store late at night.  Good way to get shot.

BTW, Gary, I don't think God would stop a person from getting saved because you didn't have a tract for them.  God works beyond your tree-killers.

[Alisamer]

Anybody else gleefully awaiting what they post from the "rescue michigan?"

What do you want to bet they'll be expected to volunteer while they're there, and not just sit around and eat while waiting for time for them to sing and preach? Will Gary be told the food there is for the clients they are helping, not for him to take? Does the mission help homeless people? Will anyone recognize that Gary and crew are, in fact, actually homeless too? 

I know chances are really slim, but it'd be nice if Becky or the kid they're towing around with them caught a clue while they were there, and realized what helping people actually looks like, and that yelling at people who are already "borned again" isn't it.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Xan said:

And maybe, like the Rods, he likes to be pretty much on vacation all the time.  No lawns to mow.  No electric bills to pay.  Also, he feels that he is the only person standing between Heaven and Hell for his occasional flock.  If he just tells them to get saved, they're going to do it.  No reason for him to have to actually work for a living.

I'm beginning to think fundamentalism is one of the last refuges for beggars and scoundrels. 

No maybe about it, in my mind. As with Jill, how much he's on to himself, as opposed to sincere (or just self-talked into believing he's useful) is a mystery.

I wonder what will happen if Jacob stops traveling with them when he gets older. Gary will be completely unwilling to take on any goat-sitting, or other freebies requiring manual labor, without him. Heck, he may not be able to pack and unpack the truck without him. If Becky's health gets too bad for her to cook, clean and iron his clothes, he'll really be in a bind.

And I agree that fundamentalism (and evangelism) are rife with con artists and lazy bums. I think they can be a deadly mix of people who are desperate for a single, simple, extreme answer, and those taking advantage of them.

I looked up Oscar Mim, who runs the "michigan." While he may be doing some real good for people who need it (and "works a job"), he's very similar to Gary in other ways.

He's nasty about other kinds of Christians, posted lots of suspicious stuff about the government "shutting down" the churches, etc.

https://www.facebook.com/oscar.mims.1

Spoiler

 

Did you know that the "thees" and "thous" actually make the KJV clearer and easier to understand than other bibles?

Spoiler

Actually, I do wish we had separate first and second person plurals in modern English.

I wonder if this is part of what set Gary off, or whether it came up in conversation:

 

[thoughtful]

Becky has been posting on Facebook:

Spoiler

Sure, Becky - would you be saying that if your child got killed by the police for walking down the street, or while asleep in his own bed?

Spoiler

Becky, you bad girl - you aren't supposed to mention the original Greek - KJV only! What did Gary think of this post, eh?

 

[Xan]

11 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Becky has been posting on Facebook:

  Hide contents

Sure, Becky - would you be saying that if your child got killed by the police for walking down the street, or while asleep in his own bed?

  Hide contents

Becky, you bad girl - you aren't supposed to mention the original Greek - KJV only! What did Gary think of this post, eh?

 

Oh, Becky....  I hate when they do this.  Actually, the original Greek translates out to "...nation against nation (or, broadest translation, 'people against people') and kingdom against kingdom and there will be famines and earthquakes in (various) places."  It says nothing about ethnic groups or, actually, about pestilence in that verse.  I generally stay ticked off by their adherence to the KJV because of confused translations like this.

And she and Gary are welcome to STFU about current events.  We know where they stand and it's not on the right side of history.  She and Gary are also welcome to spend their entire lifetimes contemplating where they'll spend eternity.  I'd rather spend my life, you know, living.

Like I said before, Gary is on my nerves today and now so is Becky.  They're both just freeloading busybodies.

[thoughtful]

Gary posted that he's going to do some "popcorn preaching."

They were indoors at the michigan tonight - don't know if that was the plan, or they didn't get the tent up.

They seem very casual, and there's almost nobody there. They sing several songs, with Becky at the piano. Gary tells them they're all wrong when they name a page number for one, then realizes he's the one that wrong, and says, "That's it - go for it, Mama."

They also have a lot of trouble finding the page for Are You Washed in the Blood of the Lamb. Maybe they should have used Luminol.

Gary says they "may hafta ring the bell, hafta knock me down" to get him to stop preaching after only 15-20 minutes. Jacob brings him a water bottle (Gary, can't you ever remember to bring one up to the lectern with you?). He gives a weather report.

Matthew 7 . . . nope.

As ever, he starts talking about other things, after announcing the Bible reading. He's been reading "the Old Testament, ya get to readin' through there, ah'm gonna say this much, ah'm glad that ah don't have to bring a goat or a sheep or a calf or a cow."

Yeah, Gar - no longer needing to sacrifice an animal as part of worship is not limited to Baptists or even Christians, these days.

He rambles on for a while, asks them to stand for Matthew 7 again, and they stand. Gary asks Becky to tell him when 20 minutes is up, and he's off and running, talking about the nice watch the guy in Oklahoma gave him "a nice watch, prob'ly woulda costed over $100." He tried to change the battery but "some them you cain't."

Jacob brings him something (probably Becky's watch).

Finally, Matthew 7:17-23

"Ah don't know a whole lot about fruits, I just know this, when they're cooked, they're real good amen?"

"Ah have already this year, demolished about four or five watermelons."

"Ah'm beginnin' to where ah like some fruits."

"Say you planted an orange tree and it brought in apples - that'd be pretty bad, wouldn't it?"

OK,  Gar - get to the fruits of the spirit already.

He garbles the name of the mission again, and they have to help him remember it.

"Whenever people see you at Walmarts, they should say 'there's somethin' different about that person' amen?"

He tells the migraine in Maine and the 13-year-old in FL stories, the won't preach at your funeral if you don't have a testimony bit.

He's got children, and he's glad that the boys like girls and the girls like boys. He said the word son-in-law the other day, and "just 'bout died" because he's only 47 and not old enough to have a son-in-law. Becky says "you just have an extra son."

When he was in Oklahoma for five years, he tried to reach the Catholics. He didn't have much success, but, before he left, the Catholics "knew that Jesus loved them, 'cause that's what we told 'em."

He gave a Chick tract "that just happened to have the Catholic on the front of it" to "a little girl," who took it home and showed it to her Mama. They got word that she wanted to talk to the "pasture." Gary went to her house and knocked and knocked, but she never answered. "She just thought she wanted to meet with the pasture."

Gary, are you sure that anybody was home? Are you sure they wanted to be converted? Because the story doesn't really make any sense.

He winds down with more garbled nonsense, not even worth typing out.

It did include something about "one of them Black ladies" who comes to the mission, who said she was gonna go down to "some part of the town" and let 'em know . . . (mumbled). That's what we need to do."

Oh, and in his final prayer, he includes praying for "gittin' the tent up," so I guess that question has been answered.

And no, he didn't keep it under 20 minutes - it was 26 minutes of gobbledegook.

At least it was quiet this time.

Edited June 16, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[EyesOpen]

Good lord did he ever read Matthew 7?? I have to wonder in some of these places, do they not know what they’re getting till Gary stands up? Do we think he’s ever asked to not preach a second night or not return? I’ve said it before but I’d walk out of my own church if they accidentally got someone this Harebrained and hateful as a special preacher... I wonder if that ever happens...

[MayMay1123]

12 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Becky has been posting on Facebook:

  Hide contents

Sure, Becky - would you be saying that if your child got killed by the police for walking down the street, or while asleep in his own bed?

  Hide contents

Becky, you bad girl - you aren't supposed to mention the original Greek - KJV only! What did Gary think of this post, eh?

 

Gary would not be able to read most of the words in her post. She must have copy and pasted it because I really don't think she could understand it either. I can't believe she used to be a nurse! 

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

Good lord did he ever read Matthew 7??

Sure, including right before he said all of that stuff about fruit!

One of the sad, aggravating, but, to me, interesting things about the way Gary's mind works (insert your own snark here) is that I can sometimes hear the beginning of a process that never gets completed.

I think I can figure out what must have popped into his mind, when he planned his message (I must get in the habit of calling it that, not sermon). But he either jumps away completely, skips a connecting thought, or does a set-up (sometimes a lengthy one), then skips the entire point, when talking.

For example, whether Gary had these thoughts on his own, or was remembering the hundreds of times he's heard some preacher use actual fruit as a metaphor for fruits of the spirit, I think the plan was (things that he actually managed to get across are in italics):

1. Make a "fat guy who doesn't eat healthfully" joke about fruit, to be relatable, get a laugh, and alert the listener to his plan to relate actual fruit to fruit of the spirit. But, of course, he did it badly, so they seemed puzzled - saying he likes them in pie, or banana pudding, would have worked better than saying he likes them cooked.

2. Talk about how the watermelons this year seem better, so he ate more fresh fruit, and wonder if the farmers are doing something to grow them better (I didn't post it above, but he did say something vaguely like that, although it was garbled).

3. Make the connection - the farmer already has a farm, and fruit is being grown, like the listeners are already saved, and already doing some good things because of it. But the farmer doesn't rest on his laurels - he works to improve the product, to produce better fruit, as they should work to produce the best fruits of the spirit that they possibly can. This, which I think was his main point, is what he completely left out.

He could even have touched on the idea that some farmer we never met can change our health for the better, by producing a more delicious watermelon and keeping us away from the banana pudding. So can our spirit fruits help people in a ripple effect, through many lives touching other lives. Always do what's right, and keep trying to improve your spiritual fruit, because you never know who you might be helping.

I don't know if this would even occur to Gary, though, since he is from the "let everyone see you doing good, so they will convert" school of thought, as opposed to the "you might actually help someone, and that's what God wants and Jesus would do" mindset.

4. If you plant an orange tree, you expect oranges, not apples, and apples wouldn't be a good product. Even fruits that can be good might not be what is needed at the moment - apples are great, but not if oranges are needed. Are you producing fruit of the spirit that will actually help anyone who needs it now?

Are you handing out tracts when people are starving? Are you defending the Stars and Bars when innocent people are being tear-gassed in the streets? Are you re-reading the bible for the hundredth time, when your family needs you to do the mundane chores of life? Are you on Facebook lecturing about hair length, shorts, and Barney and Thelma Lou fornicatin', when other people are working to pay for your daily needs? Have you been going to church during a pandemic because you "need it," when staying home would protect everyone's health?

OK, those are my thoughts about "good fruit." Gary's, I'm sure, would be reversed. But, in any case, he didn't make any connection between the "real fruit" metaphor and a "spirit fruit" point.

It's like he thinks they can all read his mind. He completely misses the point of speaking in consecutive sentences.

Not to mention that this asshole who sits around and does nothing was talking to people who run a mission, like they needed him to urge them to improve their spiritual output.

[Alisamer]

@thoughtful You've become a pretty good Gary translator! 

Unfortunately, since they travel around from place to place and it seems many of the people they hit up for shelter and money aren't terribly well-educated, I doubt many people he's trying to reach are getting what passes for a point with him. 

 I also noticed he's come up with an excuse for preaching to the choir, essentially. For the people he thinks need the message, he hands them a tract. For those who've already got the message, he blathers on and on and on. Probably because they're the ones feeding him.

He really would have done better to talk about 'nanner pudding (with the 'Nilla wafers) than said stuff about fruit being cooked. It's more his style and makes better sense. 

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I also noticed he's come up with an excuse for preaching to the choir, essentially. For the people he thinks need the message, he hands them a tract. For those who've already got the message, he blathers on and on and on. Probably because they're the ones feeding him.

I agree. But, of course, he can explain why God expects that. One of his standard sermons - er, messages, is based on this idea stated in several places - one is 2 Timothy 4:2 -

Quote

2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine

that even "saved" people should be perpetually reminding one another of what is right. He claims he "needs preaching" and accepts rebuke (HA!), so that's his excuse for preaching to other saved people.

I forgot to post this last night - love Gary's wording:

Spoiler

Gary, I don't want to know where you've "done it." And is your ministry page "out?" Gary, should you be consorting with an openly gay page?

Today, Gary posted a short video of other people doing all of the work to set up the tent, in "Clinton, Alabama." I can see Becky's shadow beside Gary's, but she doesn't bother correcting him.

Spoiler

Gary, think of the Gunfight at the OK Corral - Ike and Billy Clanton. Never mind - he'd probably end up calling it "Earp" or "Tombstone."

Gary pans back and forth as two people do all the work (looks like it might be Jacob and Pastor Mims), and rambles on. At one point, he says the name of the organization, very slowly and carefully. He gets it right, since this is where the camera is pointed at the time:

Spoiler

Gary says this tent revival wasn't planned, so "this is a God thing."

For the following, I leave it up to you whether Gary is talking about God, Trump or Mims:

"Pray for our country 'n' our leaders. Y'know, I don't think nothin'll be said around here because (chuckle) he's the only one doin' anything for us 'roun' here I mean  some of the distribution centers 'n' things like 'at, 'n' uh other places that give food away  is not even open, and, so, (chuckle) they're not messin' with him 'cause ah b'lieve he's doin' a great work down here, so. . . "

Oh, wait - maybe he skipped some steps, as usual, and, when he mentioned praying for leaders, his mind jumped right to thoughts of protests. Maybe he's saying that Black people and their allies won't "mess with" Mims or criticize Trump or the police in front of him, because they want the handouts.

Charming, Gary.

Edited June 17, 2020 by thoughtful
clarity

[thoughtful]

The tent is up, but there is still work to be done, and Gary is meeting the challenge - he's filming other people doing it.

He tells Jacob, who is unpacking camp chairs, to say hello:

Spoiler

I hope my ears weren't deceiving me, because Jacob's "hello" sounded annoyed.

"It's already Tuesday."

Thanks, Gar.

"There's the piana we got, Hallelujah, and, um, paid $50 dollars for it, costed me $100 to get what was wrong with it fixed. It's 25 years old, but it was worth a hunerd fifty dollarssss everybody brags on the Roland 600s, so  . . . "

Spoiler

Gary takes time out from watching everyone do his work, to post this:

Spoiler

Gary, I'm sure you're chalking the accident up to the evil drank, but maybe that person was looking at their phone instead of the road. I wonder if they were doing a Facebook live video.

 

[Destiny]

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, please tell me this fucking moron isn't planning a revival in the middle of a pandemic?

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Destiny said:

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, please tell me this fucking moron isn't planning a revival in the middle of a pandemic?

Oh, Destiny, you're way behind. Gary's been doing revivals and church services, indoors and out, all along. Every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, and any other time he can get to a church, in Texas, Florida, NC, Alabama and I may have missed a few.

I think he's missed two Wednesday evenings since the pandemic began.
 

Edited June 17, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Destiny]

Oh, Destiny, you're way behind. Gary's been doing revivals and church services, indoors and out, all along. Every Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, and any other time he can get to a church, in Texas, Florida, NC, Alabama and I may have missed a few.
I think he missed two Wednesday evenings since the pandemic began.
 

Jesus. What a fucking moron. I have been avoiding this thread because picture of those horrible weens show up at random times and have made me literally vomit; but apparently I’ve missed a lot.

[thoughtful]

Tonight's service under the tent - I skipped the singing.

Gary says they're getting a cool spell because God knows he hates hot weather, and is usually up north by this time of the year. Jacob brings him a bottle of water.

God and Jacob, both waiting on Gary - that seems right.

He starts to announce 1 Thessalonians . . . then mumbles something about the ladies and the food, good, good, good.

OK, 1 Thessalonians 4:13

The title of Gary's lesson is "It's Comforting to Know."

The "everybody thought Noah was crazy" schtick gets a new twist: "They'd never seen no rain before, they didn't know what rain was, and, all of a sudden the Lord's tellin' Noah 'you want me to build an ark?'"

So, these ancient people who lived off of the land had never (NEVER?) seen rain, and then he reverses Noah and God. If only he'd claimed that God said "What's an ark?" a la Bill Cosby, it would have been a hat trick of idiocy.

Of course, he mentions how he would have gone to heaven last night if the accident had been worse.

The comforter has come, and Gary keeps saying he is "comforting" instead of comforted. He also repeats that, when he goes to bed at night, he has a comforter. Now, I know he means Jesus, but it's hard not to picture bed linens. Glad it's cool there.

Luke 18:13

Gary's guilty of everything, he's not better than any drunk or dopehead or "worsest person" on the street, he's just a sinner saved by grace, and they're sinners looking for grace. You can see Jesus Christ inside you, like you can tell a woman is pregnant.

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"Fizzzins" 2:8-9: for by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God; Not of works, lest any man should boast.

He boasts (boasting on God, of course!) that none of his children who play instruments ever had a lesson "guess if  you wanna call google a lesson, ah guess that'd be what it would be." Never had to go pay anyone to teach them. They learned by the grace of God. ?

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John 14:16 - And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;

Gary reads those last few words as "abide with him forever," but hey, details, details.

"Jesus' blood cannot be worshed away. Went into Walmarts today and saw they had the little Bloodmobile in there." Gary tells use most of his blood goes to his truck. It's good that people give blood to try to save lives, but "ah got everlastin' blood."

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Luke 10:20 - Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.

He tells us that God always takes care of him, then tells stories of other people taking care of him. A preacher gave him money for his vehicle. Another time, he had all seven children with him and no money, and they were going to have mac and cheese. Another preacher treated them to dinner.

But that was God looking after Gary.

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John 14:1-4 - Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.

Gary says "whether I go" and reverses and adds a few words, but, hey, it's not like he considers the book sacred or anything.

Gary's never seen gold, but he'll walk on streets of gold in Heaven, and will be able to eat anything and not get fat and reach down and pull already-fried fish from the River of Life (but I thought the flesh stayed behind and the spirit goes to Heaven, or so you say, Gary).

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Collossians 1:14 In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins:

Lots of bloody blood imagery.

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Psalms 103:12 -  As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

Gary says "transgressors" instead of transgressions.

But he is so comforting to know that God won't remind him of past sins.

Gary yells about a man at a service who felt ready to be saved "God swept through that place, that guy was under conviction, God was on him like ugly on a monkey."

While Gary pauses, I just want to compliment him on his lovely imagery.

OK, back to the story "And he knew he shoulda come to the altar. (quieter) But he left lost, just like he came."

Oh, that was the guy who still wanted to drink his one beer a day - I remember that story.

Lee Roberson is tonight's beloved old-time preacher mention. He founded a college, but Gary couldn't recommend it now - "they've turned that stuff upside-down." Roberson used to say, back in the 1960s and 70s, "that 70% of our churches was on their way to Hell. And that's been over 30 years ago - no, over 40 years ago, maybe longer than that."

Keep going, Gary - you're almost there!

The rest is all stuff we've heard many times.

Sorry, Gary, but you are not comforting. Just knowing that people like you exist makes me very uncomfortable.