Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[samurai_sarah]

Carry on from here:

 

[AmazonGrace]

Gary posts about a family in Shiprock NM that lost three  members to the corona virus.

Is it still a hoax, Gary?

[thoughtful]

14 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary posts about a family in Shiprock NM that lost three  members to the corona virus.

Is it still a hoax, Gary?

Oh, he gave up on it being completely a hoax long ago. He's been saying there really is a "vahris" and it has been killing people, but he still thinks it is being used by the Gates/WHO/Soros/Satan cabal to put chips into us (I'm not sure whether he thinks it was actually engineered for that purpose).

And he never says that in his sermons or informal talks, just hints at it ("there's more to this than just a vahris" with that obnoxious smug expression), and has posted and recommended that insane video.

He absolutely thinks the Democrats/Satan are using it as an excuse to destroy churches and the country. He says that in all of his informal talks, and says it without naming politicians or parties (gotta help those churches keep their tax-free status!) in his sermons.

But he doesn't deny "there's a vahris. Haymayun!"

[keepercjr]

Quote

Kimberly Guilfoyle

Did you know her first husband was the Governor of California and a Democrat?  
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gavin_Newsom

How do you go from that to DTjr? Maybe she had a TBI we don’t know about? 
Or maybe she sold her sold to the devil.

I know she is now a Republican. But as a former Democrat how is associating with the POTUS and his group not killing her?

Gavin is my governor (thank goodness - he listens to science) and yea it is hard to believe.  I think for people like her, it is all about image and being famous and $$.  Someone I follow on Twitter said that a friend of theirs talked to Tucker Carson several years ago and told him to become a little more extreme to make a name for himself and well he went off the rails.  Took it too far.  Kimberly is going to put up with obnoxious Don Jr because she likes the perks that come with it.  I don't think she really cares about political views and the consequences they may have for people affected by them.

I think everyone in Trump's orbit (including his own children) know he is far gone.  But to admit that would be disastrous for their agendas.  Hell, everyone around him speaks about him like a toddler. 

[thoughtful]

Gary blesses us with his presence again. While waiting for people to sign on, he crosses his arms and sings a few lines of Through the Fire.

Paul and Silas were beaten to death, they had stripes. "That's some pretty good persecution, amen?"

You're gonna have problems, even if you're saved. You're on a battlefield. Like Paul told the "Eh-fizz-shins," you need to put on the whole armor of God.

He rambles incoherently about Daniel, ending with "He was a young man, but you can set and think of the part, I mean, of how much of a good night's sleep he probably got that night, because  the lions had lockjaw, he locked 'em right up, I mean, hey, just locked 'em on up."

Gary, lockjaw is a nickname for tetanus. Did God give the lions tetanus?

I believe that is the international sign for lockjaw.

Jesus and God were in the lions' den with Daniel.

After Daniel, he goes on to Paul and Silas, Shadrack Meshach and Abednego - Gary's really reveling in pain and torture these days.

God "didn't promise us peaches and creams, as the old saying is in Michigan, he didn't promise us a bed of roses, he didn't promise us smooth sailing."

Michigan?  

Gary tries for some sports and building metaphors, and fails badly. They're not even worth typing out for humor value.

He talks about the family in New Mexico who had three deaths from the Coronavirus. They're walkin' on the streets of gold - no more aches, pains or cronavahris.

At least this one had no Walmarts, conspiracy theories, or "they blamin' church!" crap.

 

[Ozlsn]

I don't think I've ever heard lockjaw mentioned in conjunction with the Daniel story before. Thank you for that novel interpretation. 

12 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

God "didn't promise us peaches and creams, as the old saying is in Michigan, he didn't promise us a bed of roses, he didn't promise us smooth sailing."

Ok maybe the sailing one is from Michigan, but the rest? 

13 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

After Daniel, he goes on to Paul and Silas, Shadrack Meshach and Abednego - Gary's really reveling in pain and torture these days.

Gary you're not being persecuted, not even close. Grow the hell up and stop pretending you're a martyr. Help Becky with the chores. Get of your arse and do some cleaning or cooking. And then get back on your arse and stay put where you are.

[dawbs]

6 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

 

Ok maybe the sailing one is from Michigan, but the rest? 

Nah. We say "oope" and secretarsyastate for "DMV" and "do a michigan left" . I claim nothing this Yahoo says.

[thoughtful]

Gary probably doesn't know anybody from Michigan, but he sure knows from mishegas!

[Starrynight]

6 hours ago, keepercjr said:

Gavin is my governor (thank goodness - he listens to science) and yea it is hard to believe.  I think for people like her, it is all about image and being famous and $$. 

I’m sorry- I think I read the info awhile back and didn’t realize he is currently the Governor of CA. I would edit my post if I could. 

[thoughtful]

Becky made homemade Chinese food (how's your back, Becky?). Gary washed the dishes, and posted a picture. Comments were made (prepare for incoherent, racist and totally off-topic stuff, and notice that Gary offers Becky's services to make it for someone else - these sure are Gary's kind of people):

[griffin]

This dumbass just said he knows why he's so fat. It's that time of year when there's fresh produce! He bought two big watermelons and has been eating tomato sandwiches. 

[thoughtful]

Gary was live. He says he knows why he's so fat now. It's because you can get good fresh produce at farmer's markets this time of year.

Gary, go back and look at the pictures of Chinese food, weens and gravy, and the white bread and slathered-on mayo surrounding the tomato slices. Think about all the times you have gone for fast food lately (a lot, according to your videos - every meal, when you are on the road). Look around you as you sit or recline, while Jacob hustles around doing all of the work, and zooms by on his skateboard. I don't think fresh produce is causing your problem.

He tells us all about the fruits and vegetables he's been eating, the bargains he got on them, etc. He didn't buy "maters," but his brother brought some down when he came for Sunday night service. So, Gary's invited people from outside the congregation to come hear him preach - way to keep others safe, Gar. He's also still handing out tracts wherever he goes.

He yells AMEN! periodically while talking about produce, and dinner being at noon.

Then comes the weather report. Gary hates heat, and likes to go up to the northern states when it gets hot.

Even in these "terrible and horrible days," we've got it made - a bed to sleep in, a shower, a commode, amen, toilet paper, amen. Gary, you only have those things due to the charity of others.

He makes himself dizzy describing how you can go around in the drivethrough - "there's cars after cars after cars after cars after cars goin' through that."

He went to "Walmarts" yesterday (he sure does go a lot, for someone who claims to hate it). He said he saw a sticker that says there can be 900 people in there at once, and there ain't no way to stay six feet apart, but you're limited to only 10 people in church. "There's a issue there." Oh, Gary:

https://www.businessinsider.com/walmart-will-count-shoppers-limit-how-many-can-enter-2020-4

Quote

Starting Saturday, Walmart stores will allow no more than five customers for each 1,000 square feet of space. The restrictions will keep the stores at roughly 20% of their capacity, the company said. The average Walmart store is about 180,000 square feet. About 900 shoppers would be permitted in a store that size under the new restrictions.

Is the church's sanctuary 180,000 square feet, or have you been too busy using their wi-fi and sleeping in their bed to measure?

He says he doesn't know about Lowes or Home Depot, because he hasn't been to one since the pandemic started. Gary, why would you ever go to those stores? You don't own or rent a home - you don't paint, do repairs, remodel, decorate, garden, or even pay for lightbulbs.

He asks prayers for the family in New Mexico, mentions that they will be needing a new pastor. The wife was going to have back surgery, but "guess what? On the 26th of April, she went into heaven, she don't need no more surgeries, praise the Lord."

Lots of the usual stuff about the end coming any time, raise your head because your redemption draweth nigh, call your governors, wear a mask or stay home if you want but don't make the rest of us do it, etc.

He asks for prayer requests for himself. Becky tells him he stops breathing sometimes at night, and he doesn't want to go to a hospital and catch "that mess," so he is going to have a sleep apnea test at home (what home, Gary?). Pray that "if I do got it, that I can git the means that I need, and if I don't got it, my wife can quit worryin' whether it's time for me to go to heaven."

He jokes that she wakes him up when he stops breathing, and he tells her "I was that close to goin' into heaven, and you wake me up?"

So let's add sleep deprivation due to worry that her husband could die to the list of Becky's problems (she's as vile as he is in some ways, but still the lesser of two evils in my mind - low bar, I know).

If a church has services where they're not supposed to, "don't be thowin' rocks, or sayin' they're bully and bein' disobedient to the government, that's just a Pharisee or a um, um, um  . . ." Becky: "Sadducee." "Sadducee."

Gary says he doesn't want to be a Pharisee because they're "not fair, y'see." Guess why he doesn't want to be a Sadducee.

We get two new gems during his rant mocking other people wearing protection, talking about the woman at the farmer's market last week, wearing "gargles" over her eyes, and with a full . . . Becky "hazmat suit." Gary: "cosmic suit."

Becky, can you get someone to check his hearing, as well as his breathing?

If "a brethren" don't like what he says, "they can defriend me." Gary, "brethren" is plural.

 

[griffin]

I DIED when he said a woman was wearing a "cosmic suit and GARGLES" !!

People who WORK at the Walmarts aren't there as much as he is.

[AmazonGrace]

Uh you eat fried Cheerios but I'm sure the problem is too many fresh veggies.

[thoughtful]

Apnea and fresh fruit boy was live again. He must've gotten the shakes from Facebook withdrawal after six hours. We hear him saying "It's in mah room, I guess" to someone.

He's outdoors. He hopes his phone will keep working -  "I guess it's to what part of the day it is, to whether it wants to work or not."

"We're in coe-ven-19, or the, uh, cronavahris - one of the two, we're in it."

Someone hands him his travel mug - oh, so that's what he sent someone (probably Jacob) to get. Gary, getting up and going to get your own water before getting on Facebook might burn off some of those fresh veggies and fruits.

"I'm a little bit sleery raht now, 'cause you cain't have church." Not a clue what he means by "sleery." Maybe leery? It's a mystery, like Jill's "sear."

"What's y'all's opinion on door knocking?" He loves goin' door-knockin', but it's probably not a good idea right  now. He rattles through his usual crap about how you'd probably get arrested, and how that social distancin' mess is hogwash because they lettin' 951 people into Walmarts at a time, etc.

So, what are you preachers doing now to get the word out?

He rambles on incoherently for another 20 minutes. Highlights:

Texas is openin' restaurants back up - if he could afford it, he'd drive all the way back to Texas just to eat in a Mexican restaurant.

He believes Paul would have used social media if they'd had it back in the day. He makes sure to tell us "they didn't have it." Later, someone posts "much bigger population than in Paul's day" and Gary reads it aloud as "much bigger pollution than in Paul's day."

He saw how one preacher from Pennsylvania was hugging his people's vehicles during parking lot church, since he couldn't get to the people.

"We don't need to be gettin' the blues, and the poodle lip." (neither google nor I know what a poodle lip is - I suspect it has something to do with pouting, but don't know if it's a Garyism).

"Two more days and May will be over with." Oops - you lost a month there, Gar.

Democratic states is havin' it rough. Anywhere there's a Democrat is havin' a rough time.

While he is misquoting some song, Rascal jumps up on his lap. Gary tries to push him off of the chair, then picks him up by the scruff and sets him on the ground. He's not horribly rough, but, c'mon Gary - the dog can't sit with you while you ramble?

Come to think of it, the way Gary gesticulates, the dog was probably safer on the ground.

Becky hand-feeds him something, and he tells us, with his mouth full, that she just fed him some . . . Becky: "Fried squash." Gary says "my wife is killin' me" and claims he'll be 500 pounds when this thing's all said and done.

He says maybe they'll come back on again tonight. If so, I may develop a case of sleery poodle-lips.

[thoughtful]

Gary posted a picture of his all-yellow supper, and got a comment from someone who seems to fight with words almost as hard as Gary does:

[Carol]

I was waiting for this recap having watched most of the video earlier.  

OMG...Gary's shirt make him look like a whale in a loud plaid shirt.  I think he is gaining weight fast so I hope he gets his sleep apnea test soon.  Wonder if he has a will.  Then I have to ask myself what does he have to leave except the tent, some chairs, a truck and a lotta heartache(that might be a good country western song)?  I'd like to think yes but because Gary is so energy challenged it may be too much.

I saw his friend, whose name I can't remember right now, responded about 30,000 times.  I think he can't keep his mouth shut in a sandstorm.  He's probably intimidated other posters but Gary appreciates him so he lets him rip.

Day 42 quarantine.  I'm going mad.

10 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary posted a picture of his all-yellow supper, and got a comment from someone who seems to fight with words almost as hard as Gary does:

I think that came from the carb-ateria.

Edited April 28, 2020 by Carol

[ChickenettiLuvr]

Uh oh. Doggette heard Ghaw's reference to a poodle lip.

Since Doggette is the bestest, most badass standard poodle ever to walk the earth, she demonstrated her heretofore unseen sneer + bared teeth & curled lip in response to such nonsense. 

My money says Doggette's IQ surpasses Gary's by a margin of at least 3 to 1. (And that's on a rough day like today-- where she's having horrible side effects from her last dose of chemo, and we had to rush her to doggo ER for meds + fluids.)

[wallysmommy]

A Gary Parody Song -- @Carol thank you for the idea!

We was broke - the day the truck - broke down in Texas

So I got on social media to grift for a new riiiiiiiiidddee

But before we could get down to the church to do some preachin'

The vahris hit and everythings now closed up

 

And I'll grift as long as you will let me

And I never minded preachin' in the heat

No an' you can call me brother Gary, Gary

As long as you call me when we eat

 

Pink weens and gravy are my favorite

My belly's poppin out the buttons of my shiiirrrt.

Becky hurry up and fetch me up some vittles mightly quickly

Before I kick up the social media (pronounced mead-i-AAAAA).

 

You don't have to call me darlin' is one of my favorite country songs!!!

 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, ChickenettiLuvr said:

My money says Doggette's IQ surpasses Gary's by a margin of at least 3 to 1. (And that's on a rough day like today-- where she's having horrible side effects from her last dose of chemo, and we had to rush her to doggo ER for meds + fluids.)

Gentle hugs to Doggette. My beagle-y boy had some reactions like that, but bounced back and stayed with us for almost another year (a second, unrelated kind of cancer took him).

Hope she stays hydrated from now on, and that the chemo has thoroughly done its job!

Edited April 29, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[ChickenettiLuvr]

Thank you for the kind words, @thoughtful.

[Carol]

A Lotta Heartache

By, Becky

 

I got a tent

And a lotta heartache

I got some chairs

And an old truck

I done been down that lonesome highway

I'll have to find someone else to fuck

 

Well, Gary left me

At the revival

Jesus took him all away

There ain't a day

I don't think about him  

I've got his bills I've gotta pay

 

Gary, Gary

Why'd you do this?

Why'd you leave me high and dry?

You'll get no more

Pink weens and gravy

All I can do is sit and cry

 

No more Walmarts

No more grifting

No more screaming 

Out your guts

I'll back away now for forever

I always thought you were a little nuts

 

I'll take your son

And free him from you

He's got to learn more

From books now

Than that twaddle you're a preachin'

Only I can teach him how

 

You bent my back

With all your demands

Special flour, special weens

Special gravy all in pink

If you think Ima going' back there

You got another thing to think

 

Sorry, Becky

Edited April 29, 2020 by Carol

[Ozlsn]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Later, someone posts "much bigger population than in Paul's day" and Gary reads it aloud as "much bigger pollution than in Paul's day."

Both true. 

3 hours ago, Carol said:

OMG...Gary's shirt make him look like a whale in a loud plaid shirt.  I think he is gaining weight fast so I hope he gets his sleep apnea test soon.  

I swear he has gained weight in the last 3 months even. I am not surprised he has apnea.

As to the all yellow meal... corn is healthy. Potatoes can be. It's still very yellow. I think Gary should try the traffic light system where you have at least one each of a green, yellow and red vegetable on your plate. 

[thoughtful]

3 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

As to the all yellow meal... corn is healthy. Potatoes can be.

Those aren't potatoes. They are  . . . um . . . Becky: "Fried squash."

Carol, I need to know the tune for your parody - what's the original song?

[Ozlsn]

4 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Those aren't potatoes. They are  . . . um . . . Becky: "Fried squash."

Carol, I need to know the tune for your parody - what's the original song?

I totally missed that! (Fried squash? Does it taste like potatoes? I've only had it as part of a bigger dish I think, never occurred to me to fry it.)