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Challenges of Staying In: Relationships and Otherwise


HerNameIsBuffy

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[mention]Ozlsn [/mention] I just checked. Our R is 0.99 (varying between 0.88 - 1.11 depending on the region). I read the 2.2 somewhere on #medtwitter but obv. it’s not credible.
I tough think she‘s being honest in that she just wants to have fun on her birthday and not being reminded of the virus. I‘m the party pooper by maintaining my distance (not lecturing others to do so!). Still it hurts, because I don‘t know if I want to be friends with her any longer after this.
In general I notice a huge difference between my college educated friends who tend to think long term and understand the consequences and damage of an invisible virus while my friends with an apprenticeship and further education in their field are more likely to underestimate it and a believe that it’s over now. Those are the ones that call me alarmist and just want to have a good time.

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3 hours ago, Smash! said:

Those are the ones that call me alarmist and just want to have a good time.

Tell them to look at the United States for how NOT following social distancing and using masks is working.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is amazing what I'm learning about people during this. To be fair, some of it is really good.

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I have to say that she sent me the invite and I told her I would love to come to the outside party and how many people would be in the second party in her flat? She told me then that she had forgotten how my opinion regarding the virus was and that it would be for sure too stressful for me. I told her outside wasn‘t much of a problem but she didn‘t want to have me at the party because „I would be the only one keeping the distance and that would be awkward“ and „she wanted everyone to have a good time“ (I don‘t lecture others!).

50 minutes ago, WiseGirl said:

Tell them to look at the United States for how NOT following social distancing and using masks is working.

I already told her but she says Switzerland is not The United States. My answer was well I didn‘t know there are different viruses around causing Covid-19? ?

 

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13 hours ago, Smash! said:

. I told her outside wasn‘t much of a problem but she didn‘t want to have me at the party because „I would be the only one keeping the distance and that would be awkward“ and „she wanted everyone to have a good time“ (I don‘t lecture others!).

I suspect you would not be the only person socially distancing. She seems to have some weird issues.

 

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I suspect you would not be the only person socially distancing. She seems to have some weird issues.
 

I think the virus makes her insecure. She knows something is there but at the same time can’t make sense of the rules and its exceptions. This is why, in her opinion, the federal recommendations and rules don’t help to fight the virus and it isn’t that bad any way at least in Switzerland, so why follow them if it prevents her from having a good time?
To be fair, our federal crisis communication fuels exactly this behavior in making people even more insecure. We had a strict lockdown mid March after we quickly became one of the epicenters. After our numbers dropped, we opened up very hastily against experts opinion. Distance recommendations where shortened from 2m to 1.5m, no home office recommendations anymore.
Then our numbers went up again and suddenly there was a mask mandatory in public transportation which filled up very quickly after the dropping of the home office rule. BUT the Federal Council (Switzerlands version of President) said in March masks weren’t effective in preventing the spread because they basically had no masks to distribute to the public and were afraid people would buy the masks health care workers so badly needed.
Long story short I get why she‘s insecure but I can’t understand why she doesn‘t educate herself in how the (a?) virus and science work and then blame the government response.
Unfortunately I very well think I might the only one some sort of distancing in her friends group. If she thinks I’m not a good fit at this years party then so be it. I’m hurt and sometimes I secretly wish someone at her party gets infected there just so she finally gets the seriousness of the situation. [emoji53]
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7 hours ago, Smash! said:

I secretly wish someone at her party gets infected there just so she finally gets the seriousness of the situation.

I feel the same way about a woman I know.  She is young, 24 or 25, I believe, but she has a Master's degree in Public Health! PUBLIC HEALTH! And a few weeks ago she flew to a bachelorette party in Oklahoma. I saw some pictures. They went to a casino and a pool and were hugging and posing for photos- no masks. Then she came back and had to quarantine at home (our state has a mandatory 14 day quarantine for people coming from out of state). She lives with her parents. Her father is 70. THEN last weekend she flew to Arizona for another bachelorette party- same deal, not a whole lot of masks in the photos- and then immediately went back to Oklahoma for the first bachelorette's wedding with no quarantine period in between. I just don't get it. 

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8 hours ago, therulesofjinx said:

THEN last weekend she flew to Arizona for another bachelorette party- same deal, not a whole lot of masks in the photos- and then immediately went back to Oklahoma for the first bachelorette's wedding with no quarantine period in between. I just don't get it. 

Well that could end up being a memorable wedding for all the wrong reasons. I mean... I don't know where Oklahoma's numbers are at right now, but I wouldn't fly into Arizona for anything other than the most essential reasons. 

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  • 3 months later...

I am sorry for complaining, but this is the third time this year a "mini dinner party" I tried to organize had to be cancelled because of a new lockdown. I haven't seen my friends in what feels like years, I won't see my own family for Christmas, I can't go back to work next week and I am currently so depressed that my husband asking "I am hungry, what do we eat ?" is the only sentence that pushes me to get out of bed and do something.

My social highlight today was meeting a fat, red cat while taking out the trash. It allowed me to pet it and purred - the most rewarding thing that happened to me this week. (And I don't fucking care if cats transmit Covid, I just want to be useful and wanted by someone, anyone, even if it's an obese pet animal !)

Edited by ignorantobserver
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@ignorantobserver I'm so sorry. Lockdown sucks, and it's tough. I know it's not the same but if you can do virtual catch ups (or a virtual dinner party) it helps, even though you have to take turns speaking on zoom. If you're allowed out to exercise do it - no matter what the weather, just getting out of the house and seeing other people in the distance is weirdly reassuring. If you're not allowed out then look into exercise YouTube videos or online classes (I am still doing an online boot camp, which is bizarrely entertaining - we're all in our houses/backyards, we can't see each other while we're exercising but the shared complaining about it which we can all hear is very bonding. "PE with Joe" is very popular as well here.)

There was a meme that went around near the start of the first lockdown here that said "check in on your extrovert friends. We are not OK" - and I went "no, they're probably not actually" and tried to phone/message/text or set up virtual catch ups regularly. I still (two weeks after our 5km bubble expanded to 25km and the restrictions relaxed) have not managed to catch up in person, mostly because at least one child has had a cold at all times and we're all massively cautious. 

1 hour ago, ignorantobserver said:

And I don't fucking care if cats transmit Covid, I just want to be useful and wanted by someone, anyone, even if it's an obese pet animal !

You still are wanted and useful, and I hope you see and can pet the cat again. But more that you can organise an in person catch up and that your lockdown ends soon. 

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Thank you so much @Ozlsn, you are very kind. The thing is, I am not extroverted at all, and actually really shy - so I depend heavily on organised, planned social interactions that I don't have to initiate. A meeting at work, a meal with colleagues, a dinner with friends, a holiday with the family. Anything that happens not too often, but regularly and without too much social effort. With Zoom reunions, I would have to initiate and organise everything myself, and then suffer through the potential awkwardness... and what if I get "rejected" because talking to someone via Zoom is not actually that interesting ? I am terrible at improvising social behaviour and changes in routine are the worst. I want my life back, I fought hard to get it ! (This must be depressing to read, I am sorry. Back to the Jill thread now, I hope she did something stupid and amusing !)

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On 10/31/2020 at 7:13 PM, ignorantobserver said:

Thank you so much @Ozlsn, you are very kind. The thing is, I am not extroverted at all, and actually really shy - so I depend heavily on organised, planned social interactions that I don't have to initiate. A meeting at work, a meal with colleagues, a dinner with friends, a holiday with the family. Anything that happens not too often, but regularly and without too much social effort. With Zoom reunions, I would have to initiate and organise everything myself, and then suffer through the potential awkwardness... and what if I get "rejected" because talking to someone via Zoom is not actually that interesting ? I am terrible at improvising social behaviour and changes in routine are the worst. I want my life back, I fought hard to get it ! (This must be depressing to read, I am sorry. Back to the Jill thread now, I hope she did something stupid and amusing !)

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. We are here for you. 

Is there ONE person with whom you can visit with over Zoom or Facetime?  My cousin and I do a Zoom call every few weeks. When she first suggested it, I kind of dreaded it. But, I felt so much better after that visit. I am an introvert as well so initiating things like that feels “risky,” I get it. Another thing that has been nice for me is a phone call on speaker. I set the phone down and say “I’m going to color while we talk. You’re on speaker.”  Most of the time, the other person is on speaker too while they wash dishes or something. Perhaps it makes it feel more natural if we converse while doing something else?
 

I am sorry if suggestions aren’t what you need right now. Just know I get it. Keep posting so we can all take care of each other. 
 

Also, I hope the cat comes back. 

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