Amy and Dillon 6: Moving Past the Duggars

[marmalade]

I saw the video of Daxxxy playing on that thing. It's going to be in pieces in less than a week. That kid has no concept of "gentle." I'm frankly surprised the cat is still alive. 

[SassyPants]

Dax is also near the top of bad Duggar names.

[Idlewild]

I’m assuming they because she name checked it and it is before Christmas, she’ll get either a freebie or a hefty discount. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I wonder if he will be an only child like Amy. The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with being an only child. But I think it’s easy for parents to fall into the trap of over indulging only children. I am not saying all parents to only children do this. That’s a stereotype that only children are spoiled. But I do think it’s easier to give all your xtra time and attention to your child and it’s easier to over indulge them. I do think Amy has fallen into that trap. He has so many toys. 

[Expectopatronus]

If he is overwhelmed by the number of presents, that’s a sign that you bought too many. Santa is bringing my kid one present plus her stocking and she’s getting two or three from me. I buy her a lot of books etc throughout the year so she isn’t getting cheated. My friends figured their kids get about 30 presents each at Christmas and are very defensive that this is completely reasonable. To each their own, I guess 

[JustEnough]

On 12/14/2022 at 12:44 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I wonder if he will be an only child like Amy. 

I think not if she can help it. I’ve seen a video of her talking about what her next pregnancy might be like and another wondering if a (hypothetical) #2 might been the same or different from Dax. Both were said fairly in passing in recent stories of hers. I don’t watch her content all the time but caught both of those instances in the very recent past. 

[OyToTheVey]

On 12/14/2022 at 12:44 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

I wonder if he will be an only child like Amy. The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with being an only child. But I think it’s easy for parents to fall into the trap of over indulging only children. I am not saying all parents to only children do this. That’s a stereotype that only children are spoiled. But I do think it’s easier to give all your xtra time and attention to your child and it’s easier to over indulge them. I do think Amy has fallen into that trap. He has so many toys. 

I see where you're coming from. As an only child, I was left to my own devices a lot. And now I'm the only caretaker to my parents. It can go both ways. We're parentified very early because we have to grow up fast, especially if we have older parents to start with. Parents worked so I learned to take care of myself really early on. I'm far too independant for my own good. I'd rather do everything myself because asking for help isn't something we grew up with. Dax might be spoiled but he's growing up with mom at home. It's a lot easier for her to over indulge him.

[Alysabeth]

I notice Amy is riding on the coattails of Jinger’s book release (shock). I’d post a screenshot of her latest TikTok video (shared on Instagram) but know her profile flits between private and public… essentially she says she took a copy of Veggietales round to the Duggar’s and JB suggested he didn’t want the kids watching it as they might end up believing that vegetables talk.

She doesn’t outright mention JB or the Duggar’s but it’s obvious that’s who she is referring to. I just find it funny that (if true) JB was worried about the kids thinking vegetables could talk but had no problems teaching them all the horrid beliefs of IBLP. 

She outright says that she’s no longer scared to expose the truths of IBLP. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, Alysabeth said:

I notice Amy is riding on the coattails of Jinger’s book release (shock). I’d post a screenshot of her latest TikTok video (shared on Instagram) but know her profile flits between private and public… essentially she says she took a copy of Veggietales round to the Duggar’s and JB suggested he didn’t want the kids watching it as they might end up believing that vegetables talk.

She doesn’t outright mention JB or the Duggar’s but it’s obvious that’s who she is referring to. I just find it funny that (if true) JB was worried about the kids thinking vegetables could talk but had no problems teaching them all the horrid beliefs of IBLP. 

She outright says that she’s no longer scared to expose the truths of IBLP. 

It’s really annoying because she was lucky she didn’t have to grow up in that horrid family. Yes, she visited them. But she wasn’t subjected to what those girls had to go through. And now she get to try and get a few more views and likes because Jinger wrote a book. I’m just over here rolling my eyes.

[Cam]

Oh boy! Famy’s really riding Jinger’s coattails in the IBLP! Maybe she wants a People magazine article, too, and a photoshoot where she gets her hair and makeup done! 

[slp]

4 hours ago, Alysabeth said:

I notice Amy is riding on the coattails of Jinger’s book release (shock). I’d post a screenshot of her latest TikTok video (shared on Instagram) but know her profile flits between private and public… essentially she says she took a copy of Veggietales round to the Duggar’s and JB suggested he didn’t want the kids watching it as they might end up believing that vegetables talk

I find this difficult to believe bc back when we were super fundie and worshipped the ground the Duggar’s walked on they recommended On the Pond which if I’m not mistaken has talking frogs imparting “great wisdom”. So why would they care about talking vegetables. 
 

now more believable is that he didn’t like the way the Veggie Tales adapted the Bible stories (like the veggies bowing down to a bunny statue instead of Baal or the wall of Jericho soldiers throwing milkshakes etc). I knew people who didn’t let their kids watch bc of that 

[louisa05]

On 12/23/2022 at 10:20 AM, OyToTheVey said:

I see where you're coming from. As an only child, I was left to my own devices a lot. And now I'm the only caretaker to my parents. It can go both ways. We're parentified very early because we have to grow up fast, especially if we have older parents to start with. Parents worked so I learned to take care of myself really early on. I'm far too independant for my own good. I'd rather do everything myself because asking for help isn't something we grew up with. Dax might be spoiled but he's growing up with mom at home. It's a lot easier for her to over indulge him.

I'm not an only child and am the only caretaker to my remaining parent. I have one friend who was the only one helping her mother with cancer and her sibling lived in her mother's house. I know multiple people who happily declare that their sibling who lives closer will have to take care of their parents if necessary. 

So having siblings is not a guarantee that you will not be doing it all. Not even close. 

[xenobia]

9 hours ago, louisa05 said:

I'm not an only child and am the only caretaker to my remaining parent. I have one friend who was the only one helping her mother with cancer and her sibling lived in her mother's house. I know multiple people who happily declare that their sibling who lives closer will have to take care of their parents if necessary. 

So having siblings is not a guarantee that you will not be doing it all. Not even close. 

I don't have kids (my own choice), and now and then people who question this asks who will take care of me and visit when I'm older. My answer is that I'm not alone in this world just because I don't have kids. I have a husband, parents, siblings (and lots of nieces and nephews) and friends. And since we don't have kids, we also have a very stable financial situation. 

Adding to that, it's not like there's a long line of children waiting to visit their parents who live in care facilities. I have a friend whos daugther married and moved to Australia. (We live in Sweden). Kids do those kind of things, you know. 

I will be happy to help with the care of my parents when that time comes, but I don't expect anyone to do that for me. That's why we have money set aside to pay for good care. Social visits from friends and relatives will just be a bonus when that happens for me. 

[louisa05]

3 hours ago, xenobia said:

I don't have kids (my own choice), and now and then people who question this asks who will take care of me and visit when I'm older. My answer is that I'm not alone in this world just because I don't have kids. I have a husband, parents, siblings (and lots of nieces and nephews) and friends. And since we don't have kids, we also have a very stable financial situation. 

Adding to that, it's not like there's a long line of children waiting to visit their parents who live in care facilities. I have a friend whos daugther married and moved to Australia. (We live in Sweden). Kids do those kind of things, you know. 

I will be happy to help with the care of my parents when that time comes, but I don't expect anyone to do that for me. That's why we have money set aside to pay for good care. Social visits from friends and relatives will just be a bonus when that happens for me. 

If we had been financially stable enough to set aside money for care later, we would have had kids. The notion that not having kids makes you automatically well off is another stereotype that needs to die. I'm sick of that one, too. Along with all the ones I get constantly about having no stress in my life, not having laundry (whoever is in charge of distributing the secret self-washing wardrobe and linens that other childless couples have missed our house), not having to cook (again, the organization that delivers meals to childless couples never got our address either), not having to plan holidays, etc.... 

I honestly do worry about what will happen if we ever need help. I have seen first hand that people don't feel obligated to even help their own parent, so I have no delusions that any extended relatives will feel obligated to help us. 

[catlady]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

 The notion that not having kids makes you automatically well off is another stereotype that needs to die.

Spot on.  We have no kids for multiple reasons, but back in our younger days, one of our primary reasons was finances.  Someone once had the balls to tell me, "oh, there's never enough money; just have kids."  No, asshat; when you have to choose between buying groceries and paying your light bill, you don't have enough money.  We had a lot of years where I had to carry a pocket calculator in the grocery store because I'd have $76.83 to spend on food that week, and if I went over that, then checks would bounce.  And this was with no kids and three jobs between us.

[xenobia]

I can clarify. I don't think that no kids automatically means loads of money. In my/our case it has more to do with our jobs. We would have been able to live very comfortably even without kids. But we do set aside more money for our golden years, since we don't have kids to rely on financially or in other ways. And the choice to not have kids is not financial. Neither one of us is interested in parenting, simple as that. 

Edited February 16, 2023 by xenobia

[louisa05]

1 hour ago, xenobia said:

I can clarify. I don't think that no kids automatically means loads of money. In my/our case it has more to do with our jobs. We would have been able to live very comfortably even without kids. But we do set aside more money for our golden years, since we don't have kids to rely on financially or in other ways. And the choice to not have kids is not financial. Neither one of us is interested in parenting, simple as that. 

We got married on the heels of the 2008 recession, lost 5 jobs between us from 2 months after our engagement through our 5th anniversary--none due to any fault of our own. At one point, we were living on $11 an hour for my husband and 2-3 days of work a month for me for a grand total of around $270. That paid for our food. 

We wanted at least one child. But by the time we could have paid medical bills and fed one, it was biologically too late. 

[Meggo]

On 2/15/2023 at 9:19 PM, louisa05 said:

So having siblings is not a guarantee that you will not be doing it all. Not even close. 

Sooo true. I have two sisters. Mom and dad were not doing well last year and we didn’t know how bad it was till my sister came into town (I live closest but have an 8 year old) and essentially moved in with them to take care of them unofficially.

I did a bit of it too but getting my other sister to commit to taking a turn was useless. Despite being on sabbatical and driving all over the country for stupid stuff (like the dentist)- she couldn’t be bothered to take care of our parents.

 

[nokidsmom]

On 2/16/2023 at 11:43 AM, catlady said:

Spot on.  We have no kids for multiple reasons, but back in our younger days, one of our primary reasons was finances.  Someone once had the balls to tell me, "oh, there's never enough money; just have kids."  No, asshat; when you have to choose between buying groceries and paying your light bill, you don't have enough money.  We had a lot of years where I had to carry a pocket calculator in the grocery store because I'd have $76.83 to spend on food that week, and if I went over that, then checks would bounce.  And this was with no kids and three jobs between us.

This.   The initial reason for Mr. No and I not having kids was finances.   Both of us graduated from college into a bad job market due to recession and were not making much (yes, graduating into a bad job market follows you for years).   And we had 3 jobs between us too: mine, his and his freelance work that he did afterhours and on weekends.

I was told by my own mother that I shouldn't wait because of money (apparently 30 years allowing for inflation was not factored in) yet she griped when my cousin and her husband had kids when they couldn't afford it.  You could be darn sure that I followed her advice, she would be making that same gripe.

 

[viii]

My mom has two brothers. We lost my grandma in 2022 and my mom is the only one caring for my grandpa. Her brothers are useless. Having multiple children doesn’t mean shit, unfortunately. You are never guaranteed anything just in the name of family. 

[SassyPants]

43 minutes ago, viii said:

My mom has two brothers. We lost my grandma in 2022 and my mom is the only one caring for my grandpa. Her brothers are useless. Having multiple children doesn’t mean shit, unfortunately. You are never guaranteed anything just in the name of family. 

My husband is from a large family. One of his brothers was a parental and sibling user; very charming and very manipulative. Anyhow, his parents had been supporting him and his kids, girl friend for years, including providing free housing. Fast forward 20 years and the parents are infirmed, in need of 24 care, so they moved to one of their rental properties. This property was downstairs stairs from where the brother and his family lived. Thankfully, the parent had lots of resources (financial) and were able to hire in home care before they ultimately moved into a facility. I believe they lived in this flat (with brother in upstairs unit) for 5+ years. Once they moved into residential care, this brother went to visit. The agency that had provided in home care was also the owner of the residential care home, so the care givers were the same folks. These folks were shocked to learn there was a brother named JO. In the 5 years these folks provided care downstairs, they had never, not once, met brother JO. Care is rarely shared equally. 

[viii]

Just watched Amy’s video on TikTok about Anna. I find Amy insufferable but dislike Anna even more soooo go off amy, ig. 

[Cam]

For those of us who aren’t on TikTok, could you give a summary regarding the video contents? 

[BullyJBG]

She and Deanna saw Anna at a visitation of a family member who died.(I think it was a family member). Amy was right by Anna and got as far as patting her back, and Anna said "just give me space", and so they did. And a girl beside her was bawling; they couldn't tell if it was Mackynzie, Jennifer, or Jordyn, because she turned her face away. Everything else is their reaction, and they are SO sad. Amy was so upset she asked Deanna to drive them home because she couldn't.

[FiveAcres]

So Amy invades Anna's space without being asked and Anna tells her to fuck off (or the fundie equivalent). Amy gets so upset about this interaction that she can't drive. And then Amy goes on social media and blabs about it.

My sympathies are with Anna. And there's a sentence I never expected to write. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by FiveAcres
improved phrasing, I hope