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Dillards 84: Craving Attention


samurai_sarah

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21 hours ago, patsymae said:

 

Or maybe Jill is discovering that she has an actual brain that can function and form independent thoughts. I hope so.

You’re right and I certainly did not intend to imply that Jill is only coming to these places because of her husband. She is clearly on a journey of sorts and finding her own voice and opinions. 

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17 hours ago, mstee said:

Jill always seem to put 100% into being the perfect daughter. It must be so hard for her to see that her dad’s love for her was conditional and that all her hard work didn’t matter in the end if she didn’t stay under her dad’s thumb. I can’t imagine realizing at 25 or however old she is that she is expendable. 

 

Unfortunately that's how it is in a lot of fundie families. Mine included. Once I stopped living how they wanted me to live I was an outcast. My parents & my siblings act like I never even existed. But they're wonderful Christians. Just ask them. ?

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12 hours ago, Idlewild said:

She has posted a picture of JB and wished him happy Fathers Day. I think the link in the story is a general comment on how FD isn’t easy for everyone. 
I get there isn’t the weapons grade gushing like Jessa or Jana but Jill hasn’t cut herself off from JB. 

I don't think Jill hates JB and wants to completly cut ties with him. He is her dad after all and the only she'll have. A lot of people, even if they have a lot of conflicted feelings towards their toxic parent, probably still arbour love for them in a weird way. Humans are complex.

And to be fair, it is all speculating. None of us really know what is going on in Jill's head and what she might be feeling. You are probably right, maybe the post is just a general comment about how Father's Day is not easy for everyone. But to me, just the fact that Jill seems willing to follow advices from an account that is managed by a real licensed therapist,in itself, is great. The original post mentionned abusive fathers, fathers in prison, fathers suffering from addiction, divorced parents, etc. Jill grew up in an environment that told her how important it was to follow the ''right'' path (i.e. the path ordained by God) because if she did so, her life would be blessed. The Duggars look down on people who don't follow what they deem to be the right life path and they believe it is partly one person's fault if they end up divorced, in prison, addicted, etc. (Didn't Jesus hang out with former protitutes, and other outcasts of society? He didn't think he was more important than any of them nor seemed to judge why they ended up in the situation they did. Ugh... hypocrite fundies. I'll stop there.)

At least, Jill trying to understand people who have a different life story than her is the first step to true empathy towards your fellow human being. I know that it is a low bar. Basic empathy for others isn't worth a Nobel Peace Prize. But it's a Duggarling we are talking about here. It is a start.

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3 hours ago, Vivi_music said:

I don't think Jill hates JB and wants to completly cut ties with him. He is her dad after all and the only she'll have. A lot of people, even if they have a lot of conflicted feelings towards their toxic parent, probably still arbour love for them in a weird way. Humans are complex.

 

This reminds me of this episode in Degrassi High(Breaking Up Is Hard to Do; I'm sure you could find it on YouTube) back in the 80s. (yes, I show my age and my Canadian self) where Michelle is dealing with her parents' split and is stuck with her dad, who's being a jerk. Then he has a vulnerable moment when he realizes he doesn't know how to do laundry or cook, and she's crying with him and changes her mind about moving to live with her mom. She clearly could've taken advantage of the moment, and said "ok Dad, I'll stay with you and help you with this if you let me do what I want.(which was to date her black boyfriend) Or I'll go live with Mom". And I watched that and later thought, wow, loyalty to parents is really ingrained. And likely that's what Jill is working through.

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Loyalty to toxic parents and breaking free of a cult are HARD as hell. My stepkids are about 15 years out from the JW life they led as kids and it's only been recently that they've pretty much gotten rid of the rest of that thinking. Their dad's death helped. They stayed away from him for years and years due to the JW and their mother's brainwashing (even after they left the JWs). It was some powerful juju. Now he's gone and they regret that they didn't try to have a relationship with him as adults and stuck with the shit their mother told them. I feel sorry for them but their father tried for years and finally gave up. They hurt him more than I'll ever tell them. It just ain't worth it. 

Jill is probably in the same sort of situation...she was thoroughly brainwashed. She's not even 10 years out of the cult...and Derdick had his own fit of stupidity trying to fit into that lifestyle. Now they're both trying to find their way out and it ain't easy. I'm glad they're BOTH seeking help, professional help, and understanding that they both need to take a good look inside themselves and go forward to a better life for their children...they will probably always be assholes but maybe they won't damage their kids as badly as Jill was damaged. 

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2 hours ago, BullyJBG said:

She clearly could've taken advantage of the moment, and said "ok Dad, I'll stay with you and help you with this if you let me do what I want.(which was to date her black boyfriend)

And then we all forgot that her dad was racist as all get out. But seriously I know this is going to get me sent to the prayer closet but thinking about that relationship is making me hungry. The boyfriend was named after a sandwich afterall. 

 

Count me in the camp approaching the post with a certain level of skepticism. 

It could have been about it being a hard day for Derick who lost his dad. 

It could be a hard day for a couple they are close with who are struggling to conceive. 

It could be a hard day for Jeremy, Austin and Josiah who all lost children. 

And some of it could have been about JB. 

All that said, I think her vocally recognizing that father's day is complex and sharing a post that makes mention of things like addiction and incarceration is good and shows growth. I think her sharing a post from a person of color is great and someone who is a mental health professional is amazing. And last but not least a post that isn't Christian. These are all good things that we know for a fact are good.

The meaning behind it though leaves room for speculation and interpretation. 

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If I’m remembering correctly though, Jill didn’t post a similar post for Mother’s Day despite the fact that the ones I saw were almost the exact same, but replaced Dad with Mom. I posted one myself on both days this year because I have terrible relationships with my toxic family. But she could’ve posted one of those for Mother’s Day too for her sisters, SILs, and mother who lost children, or for her dad who lost his mom last year. She didn’t though and I personally am going to take that as she resonated with it and felt the need to post it for other people like her who have tough family situations. 

My Fathers Day story for this year: I called my dad on Fathers Day this year to listen to him tell me why he doesn’t think that coronavirus is a big deal and then after me telling him all the people I know that have lost people due to it and how as a teacher it’s safer for us to just continue online teaching for next year to keep kids safe, he just said “Well I guess I just don’t see and agree with what you’re saying.” He didn’t ask how I was, whether I needed help with moving this week as my fiancé and I move to a new place, or tell me anything about his life despite the fact that I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him since Christmas. He just complained because he thinks it’s stupid that everyone is so scared of a virus when there’s lots or viruses in the world. Oh and then invited me to come see his new beach house he didn’t tell me he bought that’s five hours away that he was moving into full time. Did I know that my dad had been looking at moving five hours away for the last six months? Nope, but he sure wanted to show off his new house and brag about it and then throw a guilt trip in that now that he lived far away maybe I’d actually come visit him more. There are days I wished for the big happy family that the Duggar’s portrayed in the beginning of their show, but it’s been nice to watch as Jill goes through her processing everything because it reminds me of how I’ve felt getting away from my toxic family. 

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Derick said Jill had been undergoing therapy. I think that alone has made her look more empathetically at family relationships. 
We don’t know if Jill views herself as having a difficult relationship with her parents. Yes, she has a different relationship but she may not consider it needs healing - she may think what she has is OK. 
if I had been treated like Jill was (exploited, abused, used and pressured to forgive publicly) there’s no way I’d be acknowledging JB as anything other than a POS. This is what I find intriguing. 

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Courtesy of Henry using Jessa’s phone and Instagram we have evidence that Jessa, Jana and Joy visited Jill.  
 

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7 minutes ago, clueliss said:

Courtesy of Henry using Jessa’s phone and Instagram we have evidence that Jessa, Jana and Joy visited Jill.  
 

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No direct shot of Jessa-

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I think the issue on FD is Derek Dillard missing his father.  I don’t think the comment had anything to do with JB. 

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13 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

If I’m remembering correctly though, Jill didn’t post a similar post for Mother’s Day despite the fact that the ones I saw were almost the exact same, but replaced Dad with Mom. I posted one myself on both days this year because I have terrible relationships with my toxic family. But she could’ve posted one of those for Mother’s Day too for her sisters, SILs, and mother who lost children, or for her dad who lost his mom last year. She didn’t though and I personally am going to take that as she resonated with it and felt the need to post it for other people like her who have tough family situations. 

My Fathers Day story for this year: I called my dad on Fathers Day this year to listen to him tell me why he doesn’t think that coronavirus is a big deal and then after me telling him all the people I know that have lost people due to it and how as a teacher it’s safer for us to just continue online teaching for next year to keep kids safe, he just said “Well I guess I just don’t see and agree with what you’re saying.” He didn’t ask how I was, whether I needed help with moving this week as my fiancé and I move to a new place, or tell me anything about his life despite the fact that I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him since Christmas. He just complained because he thinks it’s stupid that everyone is so scared of a virus when there’s lots or viruses in the world. Oh and then invited me to come see his new beach house he didn’t tell me he bought that’s five hours away that he was moving into full time. Did I know that my dad had been looking at moving five hours away for the last six months? Nope, but he sure wanted to show off his new house and brag about it and then throw a guilt trip in that now that he lived far away maybe I’d actually come visit him more. There are days I wished for the big happy family that the Duggar’s portrayed in the beginning of their show, but it’s been nice to watch as Jill goes through her processing everything because it reminds me of how I’ve felt getting away from my toxic family. 

Big hugs babe!!!!! Sending you fuck that toxicity off vibes. 

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4 hours ago, SassyPants said:

No direct shot of Jessa-

Just not in those screenshots. I saw her in the recliner.

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50 minutes ago, marmalade said:

Just not in those screenshots. I saw her in the recliner.

And Jana pulling her (already showing nothing) skirt down uncomfortably aware that she is being filmed.. oh heavens to Betsy we see one more mm of thigh. Go Jill rocking her short romper. And all I could think was I hope (I do assume actually) Joy is comfortable on that piano stool. I know my fat pregnancy arse would have been napping in that recliner half listening while my sisters keep an eye on my kid. 

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I was doing quick screenshots from my ipad.  And I wasn't looking for evidence of her pregnancy since I honestly don't focus on lumps and bumps.  I have my own and never had children.  I was bullied in 9th grade by mean girls in home ec class and asked when I was due.  I was like FOURTEEN.  And not that overweight.  I have been sensitive about that since.  I am 56 and it still messes with my mind.  So - no, I wasn't looking for Jessa or Jill's baby bump.  

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13 hours ago, clueliss said:

I was doing quick screenshots from my ipad.  And I wasn't looking for evidence of her pregnancy since I honestly don't focus on lumps and bumps.  I have my own and never had children.  I was bullied in 9th grade by mean girls in home ec class and asked when I was due.  I was like FOURTEEN.  And not that overweight.  I have been sensitive about that since.  I am 56 and it still messes with my mind.  So - no, I wasn't looking for Jessa or Jill's baby bump.  

then you saw how jill held her stomach too...

or was she just holding on to her stomach....trying to move it. 

 

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@nstI saw what?  No, I wasn't paying attention to how another woman was 'holding her stomach' or reading anything into it.  I don't focus on that - I wasn't paying attention to stomachs or pouches or belly holding.  Nope.  I was noting that the sisters were together at Jill's House.  I did note that Ivy was here with a shirt and diaper without pants or skirt (especially after the Meredith/Spurgeon photo of the child with two shirts on).  

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11 hours ago, nst said:

then you saw how jill held her stomach too...

or was she just holding on to her stomach....trying to move it. 

 

What I think you saw was Jill pushing her hands into her lap to push her skirt down since she realized that whoever was filming was at an angle where they could accidentally film underneath her skirt if she was sitting differently. I could be projecting because that’s the first thing I do when I sit down in a dress because I don’t want to show the world my underwear, whether I’m being filmed or not. Her keeping her hands there does make it look like she had her hands under her stomach but she doesn’t look pregnant at all and she did mess with her bottoms a few times to make sure no one could see what was underneath. 

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12 hours ago, nst said:

then you saw how jill held her stomach too...

or was she just holding on to her stomach....trying to move it. 

She LITERALLY said she wasn't focusing on anyone's stomachs because she herself has body issues.  

She then said, So - no, I wasn't looking for Jessa or Jill's baby bump.

Jessa & Jill, being the two women in the room who COULD be pregnant that we don't know about, we already know Joy is pregnant and Jana cannot be pregnant, because no touchy until wedding ring. 

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On 6/22/2020 at 9:02 PM, BullyJBG said:

This reminds me of this episode in Degrassi High(Breaking Up Is Hard to Do; I'm sure you could find it on YouTube) back in the 80s. (yes, I show my age and my Canadian self) where Michelle is dealing with her parents' split and is stuck with her dad, who's being a jerk. Then he has a vulnerable moment when he realizes he doesn't know how to do laundry or cook, and she's crying with him and changes her mind about moving to live with her mom. She clearly could've taken advantage of the moment, and said "ok Dad, I'll stay with you and help you with this if you let me do what I want.(which was to date her black boyfriend) Or I'll go live with Mom". And I watched that and later thought, wow, loyalty to parents is really ingrained. And likely that's what Jill is working through.

I LOVED the old Degrassi!!! 

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On 6/17/2020 at 2:06 AM, SassyPants said:

I think much of Jill’s recent angst has come from the realization that how she was raised was unsuccessful and doomed her from the start!

Who can blame her there to be fair? 

Women can do anything they want to and with JB saying "but not you Jill!" that would be rather maddening.

Also dare I say this, could she be feeling guilt on behalf of her family and their cult like beliefs? 

Jill still has 1 million miles to go and may never wont become fully progressive; but to step away from the ?that's your father? That's a start. 

 

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9 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

What I think you saw was Jill pushing her hands into her lap to push her skirt down since she realized that whoever was filming was at an angle where they could accidentally film underneath her skirt if she was sitting differently. I could be projecting because that’s the first thing I do when I sit down in a dress because I don’t want to show the world my underwear, whether I’m being filmed or not. Her keeping her hands there does make it look like she had her hands under her stomach but she doesn’t look pregnant at all and she did mess with her bottoms a few times to make sure no one could see what was underneath. 

I looked at it and took it as those are short high cropped crotch romper shorts and when you sit in them they tend to ride up ya lady parts and butt crack. I took it as an adjustment to make sure that didn't happen combined with knowing a camera is on a angle to show ya bits.

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12 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

What I think you saw was Jill pushing her hands into her lap to push her skirt down since she realized that whoever was filming was at an angle where they could accidentally film underneath her skirt if she was sitting differently. I could be projecting because that’s the first thing I do when I sit down in a dress because I don’t want to show the world my underwear, whether I’m being filmed or not. Her keeping her hands there does make it look like she had her hands under her stomach but she doesn’t look pregnant at all and she did mess with her bottoms a few times to make sure no one could see what was underneath. 

Shes wearing a romper from that boutique she promoted recently. I watched and rewatched a few times it definitely seemed like she was holding her  belly. 

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In one of her Instastories about self tanner it appears that she is wearing a long t-shirt with no pants/shorts! She certainly could be wearing some pajama shorts (it looks like she filmed not long after getting up) but you can't see them.  She's not shy about showing off her legs in these stories...good for her!

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I also found her so much more retailed in those insta stories! 

I really feel that settle down in the new house has made her a lot of good. She comes out more relaxed and more herself. I really hope Derick is not planning to eradicate them all to go preaching somewhere just because he like roaming around 

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