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Dillards 84: Craving Attention


samurai_sarah

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32 minutes ago, Idlewild said:

Is Derick now in partnership with a barbecue brand? Some sort of giveaway on his instastory. 

No.  If you share the BBQ place's giveaway in a story, you get an extra entry.  So he's just trying to win.

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Not to give DD any credit, because I think he's an asshole, but I wonder if the interview was partially to smooth over his dramatic public fallout and anti-trans tweets now that he's finished year 2 of law school.

He can't really think TLC would ever want him back unless he's delusional as well as an asshole.

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As for the rift with Jill's family isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have toxic controlling parents and they were 1/2 as toxic or controlling as JB & M. Putting distance between them & myself & my kids has been good for me. I see them on MY terms & they saw my kids on MY terms. My kids are adults now so they can choose when to see or not see their grandparents, but they also find them to be overbearing and kind of shitty to spend time with, and they were 1000x better at being grandparents than they were at being parents. 

Not sure what good a law degree would do in the mission field, not necessary a practical skill if he weren't a right wing douche he could be an immigration lawyer & help that way, but that seems like a bit of a stretch for someone like Derrick.  Now if Jill were a REAL midwife she could be of a great deal of use as a missionary helping locals deliver healthy babies. 

The only missionaries I know that did any good were the ones who lived where they served & were long term part of the communities. I know a group from the church we used to attend did send a group that had a doctor, a PA, a nurse practitioner, 3 nurses, a dentist, 3 dental hygienists and a dental assistant along with about 10 other who had various skills in the construction trade.  They worked with a bunch of other churches nationwide as part of a year long program that built medical clinics & community buildings that could be used as a school a church or a gathering place. They built several of these in various parts of Central America. Medical staff worked in the clinics & the construction crews went somewhere else to build.  But other than that the missions were usually just white saviors trying to feel better about themselves. 

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10 hours ago, Giraffe said:

Imo a part of why missionaries can be so damaging is they don’t go with usable skills. They go in assuming all they need to do is show up, tell everyone they need Jesus, and expect everything else will fall into place. Eta: not that I’m in support of people who go with usable skills and take away from locals, but there’s a big difference between showing up with legitimate medical licenses vs pretending they’re helping and doing good. 

I fall into the camp of « it’s complicated » when it comes to missionaries. Conversion missionaries-totally against. Respect other people’s beliefs and don’t go trodding off to another country trying to change their culture to match yours. I also really hate medical missionaries that require individuals to attend conversion sessions before receiving treatment à la Bates in the Philippines. That said, my wonderful niece is internationally adopted and she would be dead if her orphanage, run by missionaries, didn’t exist. Her mother died when she was two weeks old. They tried very hard to support her aunt so that she could stay with family but the aunt returned her after a month. They provide formula for malnourished babies, pre and post-natal care and have nurses on location to care for children in the orphanage. Children who are abandoned cannot be placed for adoption and parents who surrender their children to this orphanage  can choose to have them cared for by the orphanage, placed for domestic adoption or placed for international adoption. My niece received all of her immunizations, treatment for asthma and dental care. 
The country has been exploited and is one of the poorest countries in the world. The orphanage director has moved to that country, employs citizens of that country and educates the children so they don’t age out and end up without job prospects. This mission, I can support. 

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Missionary can be good or bad. The church I attended in college has a medical mission. It's head is a doctor. The focus is sending medical supplies to areas where it's needed. The supplies they have sent include a few ambulances. They also have a language exchange program for rural doctors in America.  The doctors work at clinics in other countries to learn more about the language used in a medical setting and learn about the culture.
 

The program acknowledges that they get a lot from the language exchange. The language exchange is important for American doctors because they use the skills to treat patients. The town my college is in has a lot of of people who speak Spanish. The patients who don't speak English usually bring a family member to translate. The patients are so relieved that they can have a conversation with the doctor without a translator. 

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I agree about being a missionary can be good or bad if Derrick is actually going to use his skills as a lawyer and an accountant to help people in need beyond just converting people to his flavour of Christianity then good for him. I also hope Jill if she is serious still about being a midwife or nurse decides to go to college herself. 

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How is knowing US law and accounting standards going to help him on the ‘mission field’?

Why did they just buy a house if they are considering leaving the country again?

So many questions Derick...

Edited by Snarkasarus Rex
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I have a possible answer for that @Snarkasarus Rex - there is a form of Missions work called 'tent making' (which is a reference to the apostle Paul and his working in tent making at one point or another while out 'in the field' post conversion to Christianity).  It involves someone going to a foreign country*, taking a job and working there while also spreading the gospel.  So in **theory** Derek could take some sort of accounting or legal position somewhere*.  

*this would of course require the Dillards to pick up some legitimate language skills.

I also think Derek is spewing and has no real intent in the near future to returning overseas.  

And I agree that Jill would be best served by picking up legitimate nursing/midwife training (and language skills) because that would serve her/them in the mission field.  

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16 hours ago, Expectopatronus said:

I fall into the camp of « it’s complicated » when it comes to missionaries. Conversion missionaries-totally against. Respect other people’s beliefs and don’t go trodding off to another country trying to change their culture to match yours. I also really hate medical missionaries that require individuals to attend conversion sessions before receiving treatment à la Bates in the Philippines. That said, my wonderful niece is internationally adopted and she would be dead if her orphanage, run by missionaries, didn’t exist. Her mother died when she was two weeks old. They tried very hard to support her aunt so that she could stay with family but the aunt returned her after a month. They provide formula for malnourished babies, pre and post-natal care and have nurses on location to care for children in the orphanage. Children who are abandoned cannot be placed for adoption and parents who surrender their children to this orphanage  can choose to have them cared for by the orphanage, placed for domestic adoption or placed for international adoption. My niece received all of her immunizations, treatment for asthma and dental care. 
The country has been exploited and is one of the poorest countries in the world. The orphanage director has moved to that country, employs citizens of that country and educates the children so they don’t age out and end up without job prospects. This mission, I can support. 

all that is amazing and should be applauded, I guess I think that it shouldn't require missionaries to do it. Secular charities could - and I hope/presume do - deliver the same.

But as you say, it's complicated. I think there's also an element of motivation, on the part of the giver and the receiver. It is one thing to go into this kind of work because your faith genuinely compels you to use your skills to help others; it's something entirely different to use those skills as bait to draw desperate people into your religion. Christianity ought to go hand-in-hand with compassionate, respectful, enabling, no-strings-attached aid. But it doesn't.

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14 hours ago, clueliss said:

So in **theory** Derek could take some sort of accounting or legal position somewhere*.  

 

Both law and accounting are very country specific and therefore useless in the "mission field" (I hate that expression, you're not going to battle).

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On 6/13/2020 at 11:48 PM, neuroticcat said:

Also much of what we think we know about family relationships is formed by tlc editing. They may have put Jinger and Jessa together for all the talking heads and played up their closeness, and as a result we think Jill wasn’t as close to them.

Agree with this. On the topic of which sisters were actually close growing up, I don't believe the relationships shown on 19kac were at all genuine/as deep as portrayed for a number of reasons.

The episodes where the family is travelling through the UK and Israel, Jessa and Jill are very buddy-buddy. Constantly hanging out, even to a point where the two of them swam off together in the Dead Sea and are chatting away to some random guy. (Of course JB rushed over and herded them away.) As pre-teens and teens, it seems natural that they'd spend time with different siblings. 

Erin Bates' wedding episode Jill repeatedly overly emphasises that they (Jill, Erin and Jana, maybe all the sisters) are BEST FRIENDS.

It seems as though Jill has always spent most of her time with her buddy team. Jill and Jana being BFFs has never sat right with me. Jill always wanted to go off and study or train and needed an accountability buddy so Jana was sent along. I thought this was pretty obvious when she asked her to be the maid of honour and all the sisters to be bridesmaids. 

Jessa and Jinger are close in age and have never appeared close to their buddy teams. They were thrown together for a bunch of episodes like the coffee shop, plus Jinger seems to prefer to be led and Jessa prefers to be in charge. 

I think that they believe that these relationships are "best friendships" but honestly, I don't. When you have a houseful of kids who have been emotionally stunted and scared into snitching every "sinful" thought or action they witness, spyware on their computers and cameras around the house, not to mention their parents handling of Josh and his behaviour, I struggle to see any of them building meaningful bonds. Add to that the whole "your spouse must be your best friend" which they all seem to jump on the second they start courting. 

I do think that Jill and Joy had a close relationship, at least until Joy got married. Joy and Carlin seem to genuinely care about each other a lot. 

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On 6/12/2020 at 12:29 PM, HerNameIsBuffy said:

If her family can be a healthy and positive force in her life, then yes.

I doubt that, though.

Sometimes it's far healthier to cut ties with people who are toxic to your well being, even if it's still painful.

Catching up on the thread here.   Personally I am doubtful that Jill will come out of this with her relationship with her family intact in the end.   Because the other option IMHO is a relationship with very heavy boundaries and with a super-enmeshed family like the Duggars that is in all likelihood not going to work.    That particular trainwreck of a family is driven largely by JB with J'chelle as his very willing accomplice, they still have a lot of power over their adult kids, I don't see boundaries from one kid who jumped the train working effectively as long as most of the other kids stay on it. 

Speaking as someone whose relationship with a sibling is very shaky ground, in recent months, like Jill I have been undergoing therapy.  In part to process my recent experiences with this sibling but it's also for me to evaluate what I want to do with this relationship going forward.  I don't know what the end will be but I have to be prepared for the possibility that I will have to cut ties.  I imagine it is similar for Jill.   What she decides to ultimately do in the end is up to her but whatever she decides that it will be for her own well-being and that of her family first and foremost.    But if she chooses to maintain ties with the family and she finds it too toxic (likely IMHO), I hope she's prepared to go completely no contact.

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I just noticed that Jill follows the Innocence Project on Instagram. Maybe Derick is doing criminal law?

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On her Instagram story today Jill shared a post from an account called @ablackfemaletherapist

I will post the original under the spoiler

Spoiler

 

I agree with everyone that said that in the long run, it will be beneficial for Jill to distance herself from her parents. But that doesn't mean it is easy and without pain.

I know that for me, I feel conflicted because I love my dad, and I think he loves me the best way he can. That being said, I realized as an adult that he didn't make all the efforts he could have, and he certainly didn't raise me. I'm not assuming I know what Jill is going through, nor if she shared this to reflect her own feelings. Maybe she is simply starting to be more aware that not everyone had a perfect nuclear family life and that people have different family experiences (which in itself would be a great thing).

BUT IF this post reflects how Jill feels on this father's day, I truly hope she works through her feeling and takes care of herself today.

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51 minutes ago, Vivi_music said:

On her Instagram story today Jill shared a post from an account called @ablackfemaletherapist

I will post the original under the spoiler

  Reveal hidden contents

 

I agree with everyone that said that in the long run, it will be beneficial for Jill to distance herself from her parents. But that doesn't mean it is easy and without pain.

I know that for me, I feel conflicted because I love my dad, and I think he loves me the best way he can. That being said, I realized as an adult that he didn't make all the efforts he could have, and he certainly didn't raise me. I'm not assuming I know what Jill is going through, nor if she shared this to reflect her own feelings. Maybe she is simply starting to be more aware that not everyone had a perfect nuclear family life and that people have different family experiences (which in itself would be a great thing).

BUT IF this post reflects how Jill feels on this father's day, I truly hope she works through her feeling and takes care of herself today.

Jill realizing that not everyone has a perfect nuclear family...the first and likely most difficult thing that Jill had to accept is that SHE didn’t have a perfect nuclear family, no one does.

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On 6/16/2020 at 8:41 PM, GuineaPigCourtship said:

Not to give DD any credit, because I think he's an asshole, but I wonder if the interview was partially to smooth over his dramatic public fallout and anti-trans tweets now that he's finished year 2 of law school.

He can't really think TLC would ever want him back unless he's delusional as well as an asshole.

he is both. I'm actually starting to think Jill may be the brains in that family.

On 6/18/2020 at 8:07 PM, artdecades said:

I just noticed that Jill follows the Innocence Project on Instagram. Maybe Derick is doing criminal law?

Or maybe Jill is discovering that she has an actual brain that can function and form independent thoughts. I hope so.

On 6/16/2020 at 11:35 PM, Expectopatronus said:

I fall into the camp of « it’s complicated » when it comes to missionaries. Conversion missionaries-totally against. Respect other people’s beliefs and don’t go trodding off to another country trying to change their culture to match yours. I also really hate medical missionaries that require individuals to attend conversion sessions before receiving treatment à la Bates in the Philippines. That said, my wonderful niece is internationally adopted and she would be dead if her orphanage, run by missionaries, didn’t exist. Her mother died when she was two weeks old. They tried very hard to support her aunt so that she could stay with family but the aunt returned her after a month. They provide formula for malnourished babies, pre and post-natal care and have nurses on location to care for children in the orphanage. Children who are abandoned cannot be placed for adoption and parents who surrender their children to this orphanage  can choose to have them cared for by the orphanage, placed for domestic adoption or placed for international adoption. My niece received all of her immunizations, treatment for asthma and dental care. 
The country has been exploited and is one of the poorest countries in the world. The orphanage director has moved to that country, employs citizens of that country and educates the children so they don’t age out and end up without job prospects. This mission, I can support. 

Huge difference between a faith-based group that does actual service because that is how they act upon their beliefs--the same services that are also performed by secular organizations like Doctors without Borders or a billion others--and those who use service as one tool for their agenda to spread the faith. Or Duggars and Bateses, who do fuck all but brand their mere presence among the downtrodden as a "mission."

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Nothing to see here, just Jill openly following/sharing content from a black female therapist about abusive fathers ? 

Spoiler

36FC0C82-4A74-48B4-A4E0-36E6283C6B4A.thumb.png.ec3ed89de87f0e658be61894b1e44a21.png

Spoiler

EA880A71-4D75-47BA-B405-FAF8C80D786B.thumb.png.bbc3e0199eb55428a81e87eaf0893c0d.png

 

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I can see the post referring to strained relationships, but I can also see it referring to Father's Day being hard for Derick since his own father is gone. Jill has made posts about wishing she could have met Rick, and I'm sure they both are sad that he never got to meet any of his grandchildren. Maybe they're both feeling a little alone today. 

Circling back to which siblings are closest, I think it just depends on the day. But I don't think any of the siblings will be close once Michelle and Jimbob kick the bucket. I predict a lot of infighting and hurt feeling over their estate. Someone is going to feel they are owed more than what they got. Someone will think someone else got more than their fair share. Maybe a few will maintain relationships, but no more of the "all the kids are each others best friends" nonsense.  Jill and Derick are in a far better position if this does happen, and the ones still dependent on the parents will be screwed.  

 

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If Jill has posted some tribute to JB, I’d think she was just growing and understanding the difficulties people like Derick have on this holiday. But there’s no post for JB. I find it especially suspicious.

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Jill always seem to put 100% into being the perfect daughter. It must be so hard for her to see that her dad’s love for her was conditional and that all her hard work didn’t matter in the end if she didn’t stay under her dad’s thumb. I can’t imagine realizing at 25 or however old she is that she is expendable. 

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I first thought the message was because of Derrick as well but the combination of not sharing about JB makes me think it is maybe about both of them.

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She has posted a picture of JB and wished him happy Fathers Day. I think the link in the story is a general comment on how FD isn’t easy for everyone. 
I get there isn’t the weapons grade gushing like Jessa or Jana but Jill hasn’t cut herself off from JB. 

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I appreciate her post about Father’s Day being hard because I went to the account it came from and found mental health advice that is helpful to me so I followed it.  

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3 hours ago, clueliss said:

I appreciate her post about Father’s Day being hard because I went to the account it came from and found mental health advice that is helpful to me so I followed it.  

That’s awesome to hear. Some good mental health ju ju from me to you. Oxox 

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21 hours ago, Vivi_music said:

I will post the original under the spoiler

Regarding the Father's Day re-post from Jill... I counted 7 lines that could refer to JB directly, including the addiction line. JB seems to be addicted to money and absolute control, a very dangerous combination for those controlled by him, I mean jesus, oops I mean JB, no I mean god, oops again, I really mean JB.

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