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2020 Presidential Election 3: We're Down To Old White Men...And Fucking Kanye.


GreyhoundFan

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Don't get your hopes up, this is satire.

Trump’s Farewell Address

Quote

It is August 21, 2020, three days before President Donald Trump is scheduled to accept his nomination at the Republican National Convention in Jacksonville, Florida, before a closely packed crowd of delegates that will within weeks test 90 percent coronavirus-positive.

He is ignoring his latest Presidential Daily Brief on Russian-paid attacks on U.S. soldiers and remaining focused on his future as the host of a talk show on Trump TV.

It’s approximately 2:30 a.m. in the living quarters of the White House—the twelfth hour of what the press corps describes as the day’s “executive time” at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue—and Trump is parked in the TV lounge in silk pajamas, clasping his one-two-three third Double Quarter Pounder of the day in his left hand with his Twitter-ready phone in the other. On high volume, the drone of Lou Dobbs praising Trump reverberates from somewhere down the corridor:

“Breaking news: A Fox & Friends investigation of President Trump’s re-elect number finds that the likeliest explanation for the 22 percent registered in the latest Quinnipiac University poll is that 75 percent of the president’s base supporters were raptured into heaven by Jesus Christ during the conduct of the survey.”

Suddenly, the doors to the TV lounge swing wide and a blast of air conditioning floods in along with the sounds of two voices: one kitten-like, mixed with the scratch of a chalkboard; the other deeper but flat and robotic. A pair of figures emerges from the shadows, holding a gold-wrapped present. Startled, Trump puts down his half-gobbled burger in anticipation of the shiny object.

It’s Jared and Ivanka.

“Hello Daddy,” they say in unison—

We come bearing news. Yesterday, we commissioned the finest, most hugest study possible with McKinsey & Company with the cash on hand that the campaign had left after Parscale fleeced us and fled the country for his own private island off the coast of Panama that he bought from the Jeffrey Epstein estate. Using the most complex algorithm McKinsey could borrow from the Russian Internet Research Agency, the study determined conclusively that if you accept the nomination and run for re-election, you will lose by margins so big and so embarrassing that the negative financial impact on your brands, investments, and net worth will be incalculable.

Daddy, we’ll all go bankrupt.

But there’s a silver lining, Daddy. The algorithm found that, under certain circumstances, if you choose not to run, it’s actually possible to enhance our family’s financial position—of course so we can continue to be in a position to support the charitable causes we all believe in [wink]—like the Trump Presidential Library and Museum at Mar-a-Lago. The algorithm also shows unequivocally that if we do take this course of action, Ivanka will maintain a 78.97 percent chance of defeating Don Jr. to become the Republican nominee in 2024. So we are submitting to you these prepared remarks to deliver to the American people should you decide to pursue this path forward. Pretty please! We love you, Daddy!

Hours later, the camera light flashes green in front of the Resolute Desk.

Hello to one-quarter of the American people, my loyal base, and to half the residents of The Villages in Florida, those in golf carts. During the past four years as your president, I have done more than any president in the history of the United States to protect our values and heritage. My criminal justice reform bill did more for black Americans than Abraham Lincoln ever did with that Emancipation Proclamation. My tax bill skyrocketed the economy by even more bigly margins than FDR’s New Deal thing. I have done more for the Indians and their casinos than the great President Andrew Jackson. This was all B.C.—before corona, of course.

In my first term, I have accomplished every policy and cultural agenda item I promised, and torn apart the libs, the snowflakes, the climate-change wimps, the feminazis, antifa, and the looters even more than I thought possible.

However, in the many years my doctor says I definitely have left in my life—at a very fine weight, with numbers that I assume would look beautiful if I could see them before stepping off the scale—there are two guiding imperatives that many people are calling on me to achieve. It has become clear to me that my unfinished crusade is to go forth and destroy the deep state and the fake news media who have tried to undermine your president at every turn. They are the only thing preventing us from finally making America fully Great Again and putting America First. And I believe I can win this fight best from the airwaves rather than the Oval Office. I mean, what’s more real than reality TV?

Therefore, I will pass the baton off to Mike and his running mate Nikki Haley, who’s always said nice things about me no matter what. They will be accepting the Republican nomination for president and vice president in Jacksonville in just a few days.

I will continue full-time my campaign to destroy the corrupt, America-hating, treasonous deep state and fake media. And I can guarantee you this: If, by some small chance, Sleepy Joe Biden becomes president, the failing New York Timesand that terrible Maggie Haberman will come back BEGGING for me to run again in 2024. (If you’re listening, don’t call me, Maggie, I definitely won’t miss you.)

So, with a deep and abiding pride, and knowledge of the simple fact which everybody knows as the truth—that I, Donald J. Trump, in just four years, have become the greatest president in American history, maybe the history of the world—as of today I am hereby moving on to the only piece of business I have left: the destruction of the fake news media and the deep state. God bless America, and watch for me on Trump TV, at a very low, low subscription rate.

The screen turns blank. Trump darts to a nearby side table to unwrap a new Double Quarter Pounder. “You were the only thing that ever mattered, anyways.”

Heard in the White House, carrying into Lafayette Square, is a screeching sound, a howl of pain. It is Stephen Miller, tears welling in his eyes. He has written his final speech for Trump. He pulls on a hoodie—or is it a hood?—and slips off into the night, incognito.

 

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Trump isn't going to resign - if he's not POTUS, he can be brought to trial. He's going to cling to the presidency for however long he can.

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2 hours ago, Botkinetti said:

I could see him resigning because the American public don’t deserve him anymore.

I could see he say he isn't running again because people don't deserve him and he gets treated so poorly. But I also see him flip flopping on that so much that Pence wouldn't really even get the chance to run. Trump doesn't share the spot light. 

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He could bow out for "medical reasons" then Pence could run on a Biden's too old look what happened to the healthiest 70 something ever platform.  I don't think dumpy appreciates how vulnerable he is to prosecution.  He has a long history of skating on charges and civil suits.

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20 minutes ago, AmericanRose said:

Trump isn't going to resign - if he's not POTUS, he can be brought to trial. He's going to cling to the presidency for however long he can.

On the off chance he does resign it will be from a country with no extradition to the US and a bank account full of campaign funds.

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19 hours ago, Snarkasarus Rex said:

 The Lincoln Project and Republicans for Biden?  They would suddenly go silent...

Tried to find the tweet and couldn’t, but I saw the Lincoln Project  say this morning that they would continue to fight the GOP and all Trumpers if he did resign. 

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5 hours ago, mamallama said:

I don't think dumpy appreciates how vulnerable he is to prosecution.  He has a long history of skating on charges and civil suits.

I agree.  He's been at it for a long time and is still - obviously - in the game.  He seems to have a very reliable instinct for when it's the last minute to cut and run.  Folks think he's done then he comes back with a new scheme.  He has Barr and no telling who else enabling and protecting him so I believe he feels confident...sort of...and driven to continue.  OTOH, when that exit instinct surfaces I don't think he'll ignore it because it has served him well.

I expect that arrangements are being made to try to shelter him from future prosecution.  Excuses, business interests in other countries, relationships developed with powerful people of his ilk...

But I'm wondering, sooner or later, how much he, Ivanka, and Jared will be trusted with what they know.  Who will be monitoring his business interests, and will they have enough information to determine whether lines are being crossed?

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On 6/30/2020 at 3:52 PM, fraurosena said:

On the subject of Trump dropping out if Pence guarantees him a pardon, I don't think Trump will go for those odds. He would have to be absolutely sure that Pence wins, otherwise there will be no pardon. Remember, even if Trump should decide not to run, he will remain in the Oval Office until January 20, 2021*. Pence would not be able to pardon him before being sworn in, so for a pardon it is absolutely imperative that Pence wins. And although I agree that the blue landslide will diminish with a Pence candidacy, I don't think it will be by enough to ensure a win for Pence. People are well aware of Pence's sycophancy; they are well aware of the Republicans enabling of Trump and they are sick and tired of them being in power. It is not only hatred of Trump that is driving voters, it is also hatred of what the Republican Party has become under McConnell's rule.

*The only way that Pence would be able to pardon him, is if Trump were to actually resign before then and let Pence take over. I'm not so sure that Trump's ego would let him do that though. 

Can someone be pardoned if charges haven’t been brought against them yet? Even if Trump resigned tomorrow and made Pence president, what’s to stop prosecutors waiting until after the election to arrest/charge Trump?

 

I don’t think Trump will quit. But even if he did, I’m not sure I buy that it would be a huge blow to the Democrats. Plenty of former republicans planning to hold their nose and vote Biden might sigh relief and consider voting for Pence, but I think just as many MAGA idiots who didn’t vote before 2016 won’t bother to turn up at all if their beloved cult leader isn’t on the ticket. American elections seem to depend so damn much on voter turnout. 

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1 hour ago, Smee said:

Can someone be pardoned if charges haven’t been brought against them yet? Even if Trump resigned tomorrow and made Pence president, what’s to stop prosecutors waiting until after the election to arrest/charge Trump?

Pence could give him a blanket pardon for any and all federal crimes committed during the presidency. It’s what Ford did with Nixon.

He cannot be pardoned for state crimes by Pence though... 

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On 6/29/2020 at 4:48 PM, JenniferJuniper said:

He can't stand the thought of losing, and now he's being forced to think about it every day.  

Yeah, I can completely see him dropping out. 

He is at heart a spoiled, entitled child. Think of the kid who is losing in checkers and then just suddenly stands up and says "I'm bored. I'm done with this" and walks away with the game unfinished. 

He would drop out and devise some excuse about a Fake News-BLM-Clinton/Pelosi pedophile ring conspiracy pushing him out. He'll claim the swamp is too deep and he got out to better protect the "common man." It seems he only really likes the rallies, and he can still have those as some prominent anti-swamp activist with OANN or Fox News.

Then again, he's also a complete narcissist. So I don't know if he even looks at any polls critical of him (or else dismisses them as more fake news).

It's hard to understand his thinking  with the strong bat shit element running through all of this. Like did he know the Tulsa rally was a disaster, or does his ego only remember the cheering fans? Same for the pardons. At this point, I wonder if he really believes he is untouchable and doesn't worry about any criminal consequences. He doesn't consider things the way rational people (even shitty, self-serving rational people) do. 

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5 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

Yeah, I can completely see him dropping out. 

He is at heart a spoiled, entitled child. Think of the kid who is losing in checkers and then just suddenly stands up and says "I'm bored. I'm done with this" and walks away with the game unfinished. 

He would drop out and devise some excuse about a Fake News-BLM-Clinton/Pelosi pedophile ring conspiracy pushing him out. He'll claim the swamp is too deep and he got out to better protect the "common man." It seems he only really likes the rallies, and he can still have those as some prominent anti-swamp activist with OANN or Fox News.

Then again, he's also a complete narcissist. So I don't know if he even looks at any polls critical of him (or else dismisses them as more fake news).

It's hard to understand his thinking  with the strong bat shit element running through all of this. Like did he know the Tulsa rally was a disaster, or does his ego only remember the cheering fans? Same for the pardons. At this point, I wonder if he really believes he is untouchable and doesn't worry about any criminal consequences. He doesn't consider things the way rational people (even shitty, self-serving rational people) do. 

You've illustrated brilliantly the problem when dealing with people who have disordered thinking.  None of it will make sense to people whose thinking is not similarly disordered, because it's not about logic or empathy factoring in to their strategy.  

It's like how Ricky Gervais said once that even if a lion suddenly spoke English he couldn't have a conversation with an Englishman because their thinking and entire worldview is so different.  Between a lion and Trump I think I'd have a better shot with the lion.

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1 hour ago, fraurosena said:

Pence could give him a blanket pardon for any and all federal crimes committed during the presidency. It’s what Ford did with Nixon.

He cannot be pardoned for state crimes by Pence though... 

I read this and thought about how karma is a funny thing. One reason Ford pardoned Nixon was to avoid the banana republic aspect of a president appearing to use their position for a vendetta and sending a predecessor to prison.

Yet, one leg of Trump's three-legged campaign platform was "Lock her up." He explicitly stated he would use his position to jail his political opponent. In light of that, I don't know if Pence would have much of a defense for his pardon. 

Also, Ford's unpopular pardon of Nixon is considered one of the reasons he lost in 1976. So Pence might hesitate depending on how much he is clamoring for power. 

I do wonder how much love is lost between Pence and Trump. Reportedly Karen Pence thinks Trump is vile and doesn't want to be in the same room with him. I've always gotten the impression that Pence saw Trump as a means to an end and there isn't much affection or loyalty there. 

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1 minute ago, nausicaa said:

I do wonder how much love is lost between Pence and Trump. Reportedly Karen Pence thinks Trump is vile and doesn't want to be in the same room with him. I've always gotten the impression that Pence saw Trump as a means to an end and there isn't much affection or loyalty there. 

Pence is so obsequious it's hard to tell.  He comes off as if he's infatuated by Trump and the over the top submission is cringeworthy.  But it could be he just knows how to play the game and appear non-threatening.   

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18 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

In light of that, I don't know if Pence would have much of a defense for his pardon.

Would Pence, or any president for that matter, actually need an excuse or defense for a pardon? Isn't it simply left to the president's discretion?

 

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2 minutes ago, fraurosena said:

Would Pence, or any president for that matter, actually need an excuse or defense for a pardon? Isn't it simply left to the president's discretion?

 

That's my understanding of the law.  But if it were an unpopular opinion he may need a public defense to spin like it's not just cronyism.  

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4 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Then again, he's also a complete narcissist. So I don't know if he even looks at any polls critical of him (or else dismisses them as more fake news).

Yeah, and the polls in 2016 were predicting a sure thing for Hillary. So it could be easy for him to dismiss them

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Spoiler

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This is interesting.  I hope all those ancestors could see the Obama family in the White House.

 

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Oooh, snarky!

 

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Perish the thought!

 

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I just saw this article on Yahoo with ideas about Trump not leaving office and I wanted to share it. It will haunt my nightmares. As usual I'm putting some of it under a spoiler. It's a long-ass article and very much worth reading.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-plan-stay-white-house-162113382.html

Trump has a plan to stay in the White House if he loses election, former senator says

Spoiler

President Donald Trump is scheming to retain power in the event of an electoral loss in November, according to a former Senator from Colorado.

Tim Wirth published an op-ed in Newsweek where he lays out his theory, apparently inspired in-part by HBO's adaptation of the Philip Roth novel The Plot Against America.

The former Democratic senator begins with an allegation that Mr Trump will attempt to retain power through voter suppression. Mr Wirth alleges there is a strategy to suppress voter turnout by purging voters - especially inner-city voters - from registration rolls and to suppress mail-in voting. He also believes physical polling locations will be limited, especially in urban areas, in an effort to create long lines on Election Day and discourage voting.

Mr Wirth's allegations that there has been an effort in Republican-led states to remove people from the voter-roll is accurate

that is the part that we all know and have talked about. The end game is truly terrifying and I have put it here:

Spoiler

According to Mr Wirth, should Mr Trump lose in a scenario where challenger Joe Biden beats him by "decent but not overwhelming" margins in the swing states of Arizona, Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania, Mr Trump will declare that the vote was rigged.

He will supposedly blame mail-in ballots and Chinese election interference for the loss and invoke emergency powers to launch a Justice Department investigation into alleged "election hacking" in the swing states.

From there, Mr Wirth claims Mr Trump will stall until 14 December, which is the date when states must appoint their US Electoral College electors. Because the swing states are each controlled by Republicans, Mr Wirth believes the state legislatures will refuse to certify their electors until the election hacking investigation is finished.

He then claims the Democrats will challenge the investigation and the challenge to the election, which will eventually be taken to the US Supreme Court. Mr Wirth believes the Supreme Court will rule against the Republicans, but will concede that Mr Trump's emergency powers authorise him to continue his investigation. The Supreme Court will also maintain that should the swing states not be able to certify their selectors by 14 December - for any reason - then the Electoral College will have to meet and vote for the president without the swing states included.

Under Mr Wirth's theory, the Electoral College will then meet without the swing states under investigation, and neither candidate will receive enough votes to secure the presidency. According to Mr Wirth, the contested election would then move to the House of Representatives, where each delegation gets to cast one vote towards the presidency.

There is more to the article, and it's a great but terrifying read.

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1 hour ago, Audrey2 said:

Trump has a plan to stay in the White House if he loses election, former senator says

Do you listen to Sarah Kendzior's podcast? Talk about not sleeping.

 

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Although it may sound cruel, I'm glad these predictions are making people scared. People being scared, angry and fed up will motivate them.to get out and vote. People knowing that Trump needs to lose by incontestable margins will ensure that almost everyone that can vote, will vote, no matter the amount of voter suppression thrown at them.

That blue tsunami is coming. No doubt about it.

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Fine with me. He couldn't manage being classy like Obama or any other actual president, so let him go sulk at Mar-a-Loco:

 

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