Gwen Shamblin Lara 12: Gwen says something I can't understand.

[RFSurvivor_2]

17 hours ago, throwaway9988 said:

I recently went back through all my old Remnant emails and found some buried treasures. I was collecting all the old emailed sermons and messages from Gwen that were in my email archive. I tried to use them to train a deep learning AI to write like Gwen writes, but I didn’t post the results because I only met with middling success and the results weren’t as funny as I had hoped (it’s hard enough to get an AI to write in sentences, and even harder when the source material you train it with has as much incorrect grammar and spelling as Gwen’s emails, with randomly capitalized words strewn around). 
 

Anyways, at least I found some entertainingly crazy stuff. I’m just not sure if I would be violating the privacy rules if I posted it. I tried to message a mod about it a while back but never got an answer; Im assuming I messaged someone who was too busy and forgot. Im not trying to go over their head or bug them, I just never got an answer. So if any mods or helpmeets read this thread, do you think I would be allowed to post these old Gwen messages? I originally thought the messages had been emailed to the entire Remnant (around 1000 people at that time, iirc), but upon closer inspection I see that they were emailed to me by other Remnant members after originally having been posted on a private message board that the whole Remnant (again, about 1000 people at that time, including me) had access to. The messages are all signed “Gwen” and none of them include the comments of anyone else or anyone trying to be anonymous. Thanks for any guidance. 

I’ve been wondering about this as well. I have a ton of emails and miscellaneous media. 

[AmazonGrace]

RED ALERT!  These are dangerous times! Our enemy is looking to defeat us! It makes us emotional!  It ruins our health! It makes us lose sleep! it will ruin our relationships! It will suck the life out of us!  It will ruin our finances! It will keep us from our family members! It forces us to go to the doctor to figure out what's wrong with us! It makes us depressed! we think about it  every day! At least twice,   in the morning and at noon! We're in our PJ's all day! we read all about it!  We prepare for it!

Corona? what are you even talking about....? You gotta watch because food is out to get you! Food is evil! Beware of food! Food can KILL YOU!

This public service announcement was brought to you by the Gwenorexic and Proud of It Foundation.

This is so insane... if you think about food in the morning and read recipes and actually do something to prepare your dinner it's a sign you have an affair with the food-idol.

Quote

You have to learn that every time your mind goes to your idol, you need to get it off and concentrate on higher callings.

read that? Every time... if you think about food ONCE, you have to stop.

Edited March 31, 2020 by AmazonGrace

[AmazonGrace]

If you eat you will lose your mind, your energy, your money, your relationships,  etc. 

If you don't eat God will make you rich and happy, and other people will love you again.

Happy Anorexia to you too!

 

Edited April 1, 2020 by AmazonGrace

[SuperNova]

From @AmazonGrace link:

"This is the transfer away from the antagonist and back to the true friend. You will then be giving all to a True God who is rich and does not need nor take anything from you."

Well there it is. Food is your adversary.

And why does Gwen always make god sound like a prosperous business man? God is Gwen's spiritual sugar daddy.

[AmazonGrace]

Gwen thinks God is super smart because He will destroy you if you eat. The picture is the same as last year too. We know Gwen is godlier than thou because a faceless female is clapping at her and because her hair is higher than the heavens.

 

[RFsurvivor]

@AmazonGrace ok so I have been trying to keep up, but has Gwod written a single new devotional this year?!?

[AmazonGrace]

2 minutes ago, RFsurvivor said:

@AmazonGrace ok so I have been trying to keep up, but has Gwod written a single new devotional this year?!?

I don't think so and honestly I doubt she wrote any last year either.

[Xan]

Just now, AmazonGrace said:

I don't think so and honestly I doubt she wrote any last year either.

Do you ever wonder if she's developing dementia?  With her limited diet, i wouldn't be surprised at some acceleration of early stage Alzheimer's.  All neurons needs some level of fat in the diet to work properly.

[AmazonGrace]

I am picturing Gwen sitting there with her jaw hanging open and she needs that mug to collect the dripping saliva so her Bible doesn't get wet. 

 

[Marmion]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

I am picturing Gwen sitting there with her jaw hanging open and she needs that mug to collect the dripping saliva so her Bible doesn't get wet. 

 

Without a proper context , I think that those of a carnal mind will come up with a different connotation .  

 

 

[AmazonGrace]

If you've been hoarding food for the quarantine, God doesn't like you. If you don't eat you will get rewarded by jewels, also known as "happies".  All I can think of is ecstasy tablets.

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32153-gwen-shamblin-6-billy-madison-is-smarter-than-gwen-shamblin/?do=findComment&comment=1738241

 

[Marmion]

6 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

If you've been hoarding food for the quarantine, God doesn't like you. If you don't eat you will get rewarded by jewels, also known as "happies".  All I can think of is ecstasy tablets.

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32153-gwen-shamblin-6-billy-madison-is-smarter-than-gwen-shamblin/?do=findComment&comment=1738241

 

While a Christian could cite this Bible passage as a rebuke to those with extravagant abundance  

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+12+%3A+13-21&version=NIV , the Bible also gives the example of Joseph in Egypt , and how he prepared in advance for the event of a time of famine .  https://www.theologyofwork.org/old-testament/genesis-12-50-and-work/joseph-genesis-372-5026/josephs-successful-management-of-the-food-crisis-genesis-4146-57-4713-26 

[AmazonGrace]

"do not hoard food" is so 21st century first world advice, anyway... It's easy enough not to hoard food nowadays when you can pop into the supermarket anytime or visit your friendly neighborhood burger place, but take an agrarian village 200 years ago, and those who hoarded food were the same ones who survived the winter.

[freefromthin]

For your viewing pleasure....

 

[AmazonGrace]

Today we learn more about the happies. Anything can be happies but Gwen's major goal in life is to wear tinier clothes. Food is a slave driver and if you don't eat you will get rewarded, whether you notice it or not.

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/32153-gwen-shamblin-6-billy-madison-is-smarter-than-gwen-shamblin/?do=findComment&comment=1738560

 

[Xan]

In the latest Life with Gwen and Joe, there were two parts of the video that made me laugh.  The first was Gwen talking about how this was a good time to go through your closets to donate clothes.  There's a part of the video with her and her granddaughters.  No, Gwenny, neither they nor the poor are excited about owning your dress with the giant polka dots and the spaghetti straps.

Spoiler

The second was when Gwen was talking about using this time at home to interact with your pets.  We see a cat circling Gwen's feet.  She doesn't reach down to pet it or talk to it.  She just stands there.

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

The first was Gwen talking about how this was a good time to go through your closets to donate clothes. 

BUT, but, but... Gwen, God bought those clothes for you.. GOD wanted you to have them... and you're just going to give them away???

[formergothardite]

Her teen granddaughters look completely unexcited about wearing their grandmother's cast offs. 

And Gwen's cat is the best part of any of her videos. 

[Scrappinmac]

I just saw her latest Instagram post. It's signed "Gwen Lara", instead of "Gwen Shamblin Lara". Is she moving toward changing her history by changing her name?

[AmazonGrace]

She has signed her FB memes as Gwen Lara for some time now but sometimes there's still a link to gwenshamblinlara.com

It sounds like Gwen wants everyone  riding the same donkey. That's animal abuse.

Today we learn that God got very angry when the Israelites wanted to eat regular food, and that Gwen is a child who never worries how she's going to get food or  when she's going to get the job done.  We know she's telling the truth because she doesn't eat or work .

 

[Blue]

18 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

She has signed her FB memes as Gwen Lara for some time now but sometimes there's still a link to gwenshamblinlara.com

It sounds like Gwen wants everyone  riding the same donkey. That's animal abuse.

Today we learn that God got very angry when the Israelites wanted to eat regular food, and that Gwen is a child who never worries how she's going to get food or  when she's going to get the job done.  We know she's telling the truth because she doesn't eat or work .

 

Wow... this is so much a recycled devotional that, if you go to her website to read it, the comment on it is from March 11, 2019 - despite it being posted April 5, 2020. 

[AmazonGrace]

 Lately we've been recycling March 2019 repetitionals but today we're out of sequence and back in February 2019. Time traveling is not an exact science.

I still can't get over "queues for eating". You mean cues, Gwen.  Pro tip: Proofreading is legal.

Today: 

Quote

You will not worry that you will never have fun or taste good food or get to eat certain foods again.

But it was only yesterday when the Israelites were hoping to eat certain good foods again, and God was all "nuh-uh, no can do, now I'm  super mad at you greedy people". 

Quote

He is a great Shepherd who longs to feed His sheep physically and spiritually—the Good Shepherd who tirelessly looks for the green pastures.

Why does God need to look for anything? Isn't He supposed to be omniscient so He should already know where everything is.

There is a comment from 2019

Quote

Just want to thank you for these post AND new pics!

But this picture looks ancient. Old is the new new.

Edited April 6, 2020 by AmazonGrace

[AmazonGrace]

It looks like it's from this show that was taped in 1998.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK1z6-zUMD4

[SilverBeach]

2 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

repetitionals

Love this! LOLOL!

[AmazonGrace]

Facebook:

It’s time to prepare for Passover! Begin to clean out the leaven/remove the sin in your heart. Let this be the best and most pure Passover yet. Please join us tomorrow night in God’s historical, long-standing Passover meal!

 

They're going to hold a gathering...? At this time?? To EAT?!!??