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Maxwell 35: Choosing The Right Vest For an Extended Family Member


Coconut Flan

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33 minutes ago, kpmom said:

I've had very painful pap smears, too.  I've tried breathing exercises, etc, to not much avail. The last one I had the doctor changed mid exam to a much smaller instrument and that helped somewhat.

Don't hesitate to speak to your doctor ahead of time about your pain and your fear. 

I hate paps, and IUD insertions.  Once I flinched noticeably and/or said something out loud about it hurting, and the (female) doctor giggled and said, "Oh, you're so SENSITIVE".

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43 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

I tried to have my first Pap smear on Monday. I say “tried” because it had to be stopped partway through because it was fucking painful. I’ve never been sexually active, so I’m not used to having things up there. I understand that pelvic exams are much more than just a smear, though. I’ve had the HPV vaccine so I’m very, very low risk. It’s difficult, though, because I acknowledge how important Pap smears are, but I know I’ll be nervous about them in the future, even when I become sexually active. Taking painkillers an hour beforehand made no difference. 

I had my first one last month and had a similar experience.  The nurse told me to wiggle my toes and that helped a little. But I still cussed more in that five minutes than the past five years of my life combined. I plan to do yoga before my next one, treat myself after, and do whatever else I can to feel more positive about the experience.

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1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

I tried to have my first Pap smear on Monday. I say “tried” because it had to be stopped partway through because it was fucking painful. I’ve never been sexually active, so I’m not used to having things up there. I understand that pelvic exams are much more than just a smear, though. I’ve had the HPV vaccine so I’m very, very low risk. It’s difficult, though, because I acknowledge how important Pap smears are, but I know I’ll be nervous about them in the future, even when I become sexually active. Taking painkillers an hour beforehand made no difference. 

I thought I was the only one and I am sexually active. The doctor was awful and made the experience a bit traumatic for me. Now, I'm looking for a new gynecologist.

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I am in my 50's. I was married - and never believed in no sex before marriage. That is to say - I've had my share of sex in my life. However, I have not had sex since my divorce - ten years ago. So, in a way I am totally a born again virgin. 

My last pelvic exam was difficult. But, my Dr.  was very, very good about it. Slow, lube, she used a "youth" speculum, stopped when I asked, took nothing for granted and overall, it wasn't the worst experience in the world. Not pleasant, but manageable. 

All that to say - your doctor makes all the difference. One who acknowledges YOU will make the experience tolerable. One who is just doing a task will make it miserable. 

As for Anna - I don't know anything about breast cancer, but the whole "stage 2" rather than "stage 4" has got to mean it's not the worst / most advanced / better survival-cancer free possibilities, etc. That is a good thing, as far as cancer diagnosis goes. 

I was also really happy to read that her family is there. No matter how close you are to your inlaws - even if they're part of your day to day life - having your own mom & dad present is priceless. Especially if you're close to your family - having mommy around when you're struggling is the best thing! Hell, I'm not even that close with my mom, and we have a pretty dark, painful history, but I am having surgery in 10 days and just knowing that she is taking me to the hospital and spending the first few days at home with me makes me breathe a million times smoother. 

Edited by fundiefan
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WRT Pap smears:  I’ve trained myself to think of the funniest thing that’s happened to me recently and regale the GYN with it.

It’s taken literally a couple years of training myself, but the most recent knees-in-the-air experience went so smoothly I literally didn’t feel a thing. 

TL;DR - if you’re one of those people who loves story-telling and are also your own best audience, it’s worth a try! 

XO,

Mama “JK Rowling” Junebug 

Edited by MamaJunebug
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28 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

Hell, I'm not even that close with my mom, and we have a pretty dark, painful history, but I am having surgery in 10 days and just knowing that she is taking me to the hospital and spending the first few days at home with me makes me breathe a million times smoother. 

I am glad you have that support going into your surgery.

When I had surgery my mom had been gone for over 20 years at that point and when I was coming to afterwards I called one of the nurses Mommy.  My mom was a nurse and she had similar hair.  When she turned around I started weeping because she wasn't my mom.

Not a time when I had a significant illness, even the flu, where I didn't want my mom even after all this time.  I hope Anna is getting that same comfort.

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A genuine question - if the margins were questionable, what is the next step? Do the operate again to remove more tissue and get clear margins?

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@mango_fandango and @kpmom, (and  @EmmaWoodhouse, for that matter,)  if you find Pap smears and pelvics painful,  check around with your women friends and see if they can't recommend an OB/CNM/NP who is extremely gentle.  The procedure does not have to hurt.  

@EmmaWoodhouse, are you excited to see the new movie of Emma.?  In the trailers I've seen it's so easy to tell who is Miss Bates and I'm think I recognize the Eltons as well.  The New Yorker gave the film a pretty good review unlike The Call of the Wild.  And yes, that a period/full stop in the title of the film.

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12 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

 

@EmmaWoodhouse, are you excited to see the new movie of Emma.?  In the trailers I've seen it's so easy to tell who is Miss Bates and I'm think I recognize the Eltons as well.  The New Yorker gave the film a pretty good review unlike The Call of the Wild.  And yes, that a period/full stop in the title of the film.

Oh yes.  The BBC Emma is my standard, so I'm a little concerned that it won't meet my expectations.  But the trailers are very promising, so we'll see. :) 

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I’m in England so it’s not really a case of finding a new nurse to do it. My doctor’s surgery has a practice nurse and I see them. I’m not particularly anxious about going again in the future, I’ll just have to discuss things next time I go. If it’s the same nurse then they may well remember the first time and we can discuss what can be done. 

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9 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

The nurse I had it with was really nice about it. When I go in the future I’ll definitely mention it, and hopefully a smaller instrument will be easier. 
The Maxwells probably don’t talk much about bodily functions. The girls may have had a basic chat about what peri ods are, but nothing beyond that I’m guessing. At least my mum and I are fairly open. And the Maxwells have been super isolated, they haven’t had the chance to really even talk to a guy let alone become sexually active. Even when (if?) they become active, I’m guessing there won’t be much chat about that kind of thing... sex is purely for babies doncha know? 

My last one was extremely painful.  Doctors used to use personal lube on the speculum before they inserted it, but I was told they no longer do that because it clouds the sample taken.  I am post menopausal which means no help from my body, and after 5 minutes of pain I asked them to stop.  I have only had one partner for the last 43 years and I'm pretty sure he's been faithful as well, so my chances are good I haven't been exposed to HPV which is now known to be the cause of cervical cancer.  Yes I know that's not a guarantee but I'm taking my chances.  I got one yearly for many years and no problems so far.  

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2 hours ago, adidas said:

A genuine question - if the margins were questionable, what is the next step? Do the operate again to remove more tissue and get clear margins?

Someone I'm close to had breast cancer a couple years ago, and yes, operating again (and in her case, again after that) was the next step because of questionable margins. Thankfully, in her case, the sentinel node biopsy showed the lymph nodes were clear, which doesn't seem to be the case for Anna.

9 hours ago, LilMissMetaphor said:

I hate paps, and IUD insertions.  Once I flinched noticeably and/or said something out loud about it hurting, and the (female) doctor giggled and said, "Oh, you're so SENSITIVE".

I'm right there with you. Until a couple years ago, I had only ever had female doctors. From them, I got a hefty dose of "You're a woman, deal with it" and "This is part of being a woman. Get over it." From the man doctor I see now, I get a lot of apologies when things are uncomfortable. (And no, I don't think in my case there is any way for it to NOT be uncomfortable. But at least he's sympathetic.)

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It’s so crap that doctors can be so different. If something is painful, particularly an intimate exam like that, you at least want a sympathetic person doing it. 

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@Bethy,  the male OB/GYN that delivered my daughter Katherine (also Theresa and Rachel) apologized to me for how painful he knew the birth had to be.  He'd had to use high forceps to get her out of the birth canal because she was about to die.  She needed to be handed over to the NICU team standing by in the delivery room ASASP.  Her Apgars were 0 and 2.  Dr Howard had handed her over so quickly that he had not noticed what sex the baby was and had to ask the NICU folks.  He also was one of the docs that did very gentle pelvics.  They were not uncomfortable in the least.

Edited by PennySycamore
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I don't think the aunties even do a self exam for breast cancer, or even know they should, they have probably never been to an obgyn. They must think breast cancer only happens to heathens or something.

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3 hours ago, adidas said:

A genuine question - if the margins were questionable, what is the next step? Do the operate again to remove more tissue and get clear margins?

That would usually be the next step, but if the proximity of the tumour to the chest wall is why they couldn't get enough tissue then it might be more complicated.  The possible node involvement complicates things even further - at this point, any and all treatment options will still be a possibility.  

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For all the folks out there with painful pap smears...if intercourse is also painful maybe talk to a doctor. Out of religious and "good girl" shame I never saw a gyn until I was married...and had been having painful sex for YEARS that was impacting my relationship. Painful sex plus some traumatic paps led to a blood test and a realization that the bc pills I had been taking since before I was sexually active had messed up my hormone levels. Stopped taking them...a speculum no longer hurts/makes me bleed. 

Super TMI but God I wish someone had told me.

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On 2/28/2020 at 4:36 PM, Lady Grass Lake said:

My last one was extremely painful.  Doctors used to use personal lube on the speculum before they inserted it, but I was told they no longer do that because it clouds the sample taken.  I am post menopausal which means no help from my body, and after 5 minutes of pain I asked them to stop.  I have only had one partner for the last 43 years and I'm pretty sure he's been faithful as well, so my chances are good I haven't been exposed to HPV which is now known to be the cause of cervical cancer.  Yes I know that's not a guarantee but I'm taking my chances.  I got one yearly for many years and no problems so far.  

FIVE MINUTES?? My Pap smears last ten seconds, max. What were they DOING to you????

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19 hours ago, neurogirl said:

For all the folks out there with painful pap smears...if intercourse is also painful maybe talk to a doctor. Out of religious and "good girl" shame I never saw a gyn until I was married...and had been having painful sex for YEARS that was impacting my relationship. Painful sex plus some traumatic paps led to a blood test and a realization that the bc pills I had been taking since before I was sexually active had messed up my hormone levels. Stopped taking them...a speculum no longer hurts/makes me bleed. 

Super TMI but God I wish someone had told me.

Yes, this! Apparently 15% of women will suffer from vulvodynia (basically vulvar or vaginal pain with no obvious cause) at some point in their lives, but I had never even heard of it until I was diagnosed with it, and most GPs seem to not be aware of it either. Pelvic exams are agony for me, and unfortunately the vulvodynia plus some other issues I've been having lately mean I have to have more of them than most women. The last one was particularly bad - I had to see this awful consultant who basically jammed it up there and kept pressing down on it while I was visibly in pain and trying not to scream. The same woman also made some incredibly rude comments to me about how my partner must "be a saint" to have stayed with me (he is lovely, but what an awful thing to say to someone). But I have also seen some very nice nurses who used the smallest size speculum available and tried their hardest to be quick and gentle after I explained my issues to them - it still hurt, but it was a much better experience!

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Well this is interesting and I'm not sure we've talked about it:

On their Events page, the Maxwells say they are going to be in Dornbirn, Vorarlburg, Austria, at the end of August for a Family Conference. Does anyone know more about this, or what might be in Dornbirn that would attract the Maxwells? An overseas trip seems a lot for them. 

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On 2/28/2020 at 4:19 PM, EmmaWoodhouse said:

Oh yes.  The BBC Emma is my standard, so I'm a little concerned that it won't meet my expectations.  But the trailers are very promising, so we'll see. :) 

The Mrs Bates character looks like good casting. I’m so afraid the Knightly character will be ruined though. I think his character is easiest to ruin. Besides Emma of course. 

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37 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

The Mrs Bates character looks like good casting. I’m so afraid the Knightly character will be ruined though. I think his character is easiest to ruin. Besides Emma of course. 

I wasn't pleased, in one of the trailers,  to see Bill Nighy as Mr Woodhouse jump down a stair.  It sees so very out-of-character. I'll need to see the film to see if I saw correctly.  The New Yorker review liked the portrayal of Harriet Smith.  

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4 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

I wasn't pleased, in one of the trailers,  to see Bill Nighy as Mr Woodhouse jump down a stair.  It sees so very out-of-character. I'll need to see the film to see if I saw correctly.  The New Yorker review liked the portrayal of Harriet Smith.  

I do love Bill Nighy, but Mr Woodhouse is a ball of anxiety and worry. He would never jump down the stairs. He was always careful about everything. 

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1 hour ago, deborahlynn1979 said:

FIVE MINUTES?? My Pap smears last ten seconds, max. What were they DOING to you????

It was horrible, I have a tipped uterus so they had one nurse pushing my legs wide open to give them better access and I was so humiliated that I said ENOUGH and said I'm done.  They wanted me to try again later but I refused.  I figure I'm 67, married to the same man for 43 years and I'm confident he never strayed, that's just not in him.   They did say they don't recommend pap smears after 65 so I'm juut going to play the odds.  

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