Maxwell 35: Choosing The Right Vest For an Extended Family Member

[HerNameIsBuffy]

3 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

That’s the thing. I’ve never seen any sort of fantastic personality that would draw a fundie girl in past his looks. My husband has a close friend that’s very ordinary looking and he has always attracted gorgeous women. Because he is charismatic, funny, and very intelligent. I’ve not seen much from Donald to lead me to believe he is any of those things. 

Tbh are those things Sarah would find attractive in a partner?  

Of course I don't know her, but people who lack a sense of humor tend to find it annoying in others IME.  And people who are intelligent* tend to be curious and questioning which could be very off putting to a Maxwell, not to mention I don't think any of the Maxwell girls were encouraged to develop themselves intellectually so might be a mismatch with someone who is.

I'm not saying they aren't naturally bright, I have no idea one way or the other, but an intelligent person might have a hard time having in depth conversation with a Maxwell.

*Notable exception is Steve.  I get the impression he's very intelligent, but due to his own mental issues and emotional damage uses that to control others rather than to engage others.  If that makes sense.

[Giraffe]

6 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

What’s funny is that I think people in general are superficial. Most people date and marry people similar in conventional attractiveness. I’m not saying Sarah or any other fundie is terrible for not being attracted to Donald. But I think fundies hide how superficial they are. Because of the whole “lust being a sin” bullshit.

Absolutely! I was actually going to type that and decided not to. Fundies like feeing like they’re somehow “set apart” like a verse in the Bible says to be. But in reality they experience lust and jealousy and on and on like the rest of us, they just either keep it in their head or pretend they don’t. One example I can think of is gossip. Fundies gossip just as much as I do but it’s under the guise of prayer requests or “Please tell me about so and so. I don’t consider this gossip because I’m concerned about her*.”
 

* Something I was told by someone who kept asking me inappropriate questions about a mutual acquaintance who wasn’t sharing personal info with her. (Eta I kept telling her she needed to talk with the woman directly. I think that was our last “real” conversation)

Edited January 21, 2020 by Giraffe
Adding

[HerNameIsBuffy]

7 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m not saying Sarah or any other fundie is terrible for not being attracted to Donald. But I think fundies hide how superficial they are. Because of the whole “lust being a sin” bullshit.

I get that, but people who aren't conventionally attractive get married all the time.  And while there are definitely conventional standards in our society, what people are attracted to personally is often far more subjective.  And the nicer and more interesting I find someone the better looking they get to me.  

Idk - someone married Smuggar who I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole so I figure there is hope for everyone.

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Tbh are those things Sarah would find attractive in a partner?  

Of course I don't know her, but people who lack a sense of humor tend to find it annoying in others IME.  And people who are intelligent* tend to be curious and questioning which could be very off putting to a Maxwell, not to mention I don't think any of the Maxwell girls were encouraged to develop themselves intellectually so might be a mismatch with someone who is.

I'm not saying they aren't naturally bright, I have no idea one way or the other, but an intelligent person might have a hard time having in depth conversation with a Maxwell.

*Notable exception is Steve.  I get the impression he's very intelligent, but due to his own mental issues and emotional damage uses that to control others rather than to engage others.  If that makes sense.

I will say that fundies seem to love those charismatic men. So much so that they don’t see that a charismatic fundie man might be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A certain Tool comes to mind.

3 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I get that, but people who aren't conventionally attractive get married all the time.  And while there are definitely conventional standards in our society, what people are attracted to personally is often far more subjective.  And the nicer and more interesting I find someone the better looking they get to me.  

Idk - someone married Smuggar who I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole so I figure there is hope for everyone.

 

But that’s the problem that fundies have. They don’t seem to let people of the opposite sex get to know one another one on one. So many fundies are forced to rely on looks more! I doubt Sarah would ever get to have any sort of in depth or intimate conversation with Donald Staddon. So how would she know if there’s so much more to him? I have dated some very unfortunate looking guys in my day. But that’s because I was able to get to know them really well and their personalities and intelligence made them seem much more attractive to me. I doubt Sarah would be allowed that. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

5 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

A certain Tool comes to mind.

I always figured he got the ladies by his sexy, sexy wide stance.  

Who doesn't love a man who stands like he just took a poop in his pants?

[JermajestyDuggar]

One guy I dated was super hairy. Like about as hairy as you can imagine. You couldn’t even see his nipples ? But since I liked his personality, his hairiness was endearing in a way. I could pet him like a cat.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

21 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I understand what you mean. 
 

Plenty of us here have commented about how much of a shock it would be to the Maxgirls if/when they marry. I remember seeing a comment reply on one of the family photo posts that implied that Sarah anticipated that she and her sisters would live in different states when married. Which would make any shock even bigger. I know Sarah’s lived in a few different states, but that was when she was little and obviously nowhere near marriage. I have no idea how long they’ve lived in Kansas, but it’s for most of her life. Her married brothers all live within a mile of the main compound. When her sisters-in-law have needed help, it’s been easy for her, Anna and Mary to go and provide that help. If she moved states, she would be on her own for the first time in her life; her husband may work from home, but it’d still be just them. If she had a baby, it wouldn’t be so easy for her sisters to help out, particularly if they were in the same situation. There’s only one Teri (thank God), she can’t be in multiple states at once. The fact that she has been at home for so long just makes it harder. Stevie and Teri also only had 8 kids, not 19 like with the Bateses and Duggars. I could go on. 

I have most hope for Mary, mainly because she’s the youngest at 23. Michael Bates got married at 25, although she’d been courting for a while before that. 

Yeah, I have noticed the discussion on here about what will happen to the Maxgirls. One of the things that has always bothered me about Steve and Teri is they are okay with sending Anna and Mary off on a couple months long mission trip while Sarah sits at home. The two of them have more life experience than Sarah ever will at this point.

[MamaJunebug]

I was explaining Maxhell to a friend who’d never heard of my fundie interests before. Told her about Steve turning in thevtears to dissuade Chris from an emergency medicine career, seeing s female pastor t’s breasts, etc.

We decided that a male fundie’s most major fear is Involuntary Erection.  

[HerNameIsBuffy]

7 minutes ago, MamaJunebug said:

seeing s female pastor t’s breasts, etc.

Did you mean patients or is there a topless church in Kansas?   

[JermajestyDuggar]

31 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Did you mean patients or is there a topless church in Kansas?   

I don’t know if Steve is aware, but it’s now legal for women to go topless in Kansas. There was a ruling that made it legal a few months back. Maybe that’s when Steve had his cardiac event. 

[freejugar]

I think Steve is a smug asshole who thinks his vegan salad diet makes him immortal or something. That's why he's so strict with it.

[nausicaa]

4 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

He's fine...he kind of looks like Todd Barry.  If he's half as hilarious with receipts, he's a catch.

https://www.toddbarry.com/receipt-museum/

Can you even imagine someone quirky with a great sense of humor marrying into Maxhell?  I'd watch that show.

1.  Thank you for finally pinpointing who Donald Staddon looks like. That had been bothering me for a while. 

2. Todd Barry courting Sarah Maxwell is a reality TV show I would watch the HELL out of. (I'll actually take any really dry comedian who can keep a straight face and am now mentally compiling a list.)

[SolomonFundy]

15 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

When the time comes I think there is a non-zero chance of Teri plopping herself on the couch in a pair of mom jeans, 32 oz. of Pepsi, and an entire box of animal crackers to catch up on tv.

If they're legal in Kansas toss in an edible.

And when it's time to turn in for bed, she'll pick up wherever she left off in the Left Behind books 20 years ago.

Back in ye olden yuku days, I made the observation that I thought Teri would maaaaybe last up to 18 months post-Steve before basically shit-canning the majority of the Tits2 Theatre. Time hasn't changed my mind much. She'd still keep her faith, whatever of it is actually meaningful to her, but the skirts, synchronized chore shifts, and mandatory Grandkid Visitation Hour would be over.

Teri doesn't get a pass for the home environment she helped cultivate for those kids, but I'm not mean enough to wish her to stay under Steve's posthumously decrepit thumb after he finds himself polishing Satan's Chorepak.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 hours ago, SolomonFundy said:

And when it's time to turn in for bed, she'll pick up wherever she left off in the Left Behind books 20 years ago.

Back in ye olden yuku days, I made the observation that I thought Teri would maaaaybe last up to 18 months post-Steve before basically shit-canning the majority of the Tits2 Theatre. Time hasn't changed my mind much. She'd still keep her faith, whatever of it is actually meaningful to her, but the skirts, synchronized chore shifts, and mandatory Grandkid Visitation Hour would be over.

Teri doesn't get a pass for the home environment she helped cultivate for those kids, but I'm not mean enough to wish her to stay under Steve's posthumously decrepit thumb after he finds himself polishing Satan's Chorepak.

I think she'd hang on to the synchronized chore lists since I do think that's her coping mechanism.  I do think the visits with the kids/grands would go way down and less hands on help.  I never got the impression she enjoys time with them or even likes them much.  I know that's harsh - but she comes off as a woman who would be happier with fewer/no family obligations.

The Pepsi would be back.  

I think her biggest adjustment would be not having someone to blame for her life anymore.  If things go wrong it's always Steve's fault as she was praying and reverencing him while he forgot whatever.  I don't think she'll ever take real responsibility for her half in crippling their children, but she would struggle with responsibility for the day to day things that go on.

[Giraffe]

1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I think the visits with the kids/grands would go way down and less hands on help.  I never got the impression she enjoys time with them or even likes them much.  I know that's harsh - but she comes off as a woman who would be happier with fewer/no family obligations.

 

This didn’t strike me as harsh. Instead I completely agree with you. If Steviepoo hadn’t made her get pregnant with the reversals (as well as force her into her current misery), she would’ve been hands-off as soon as the original kids turned 18 and moved on to whatever hobbies she had. She’d spend time with the grands by default on the rare occasions the kids brought their families over for the holidays.

Edited January 22, 2020 by Giraffe
Clarify

[dripcurl]

A few days go I left what felt like an innocent enough comment on the Christmas post. I began with something positive of course, something like “I am glad you had a lovely Christmas” and I asked why the police came to the house, still with praise, I mentioned it was great they are giving back. It was definitely rejected, as 3 others have been accepted since. Hi Steve!

[fundiefan]

15 hours ago, freejugar said:

I think Steve is a smug asshole who thinks his vegan salad diet makes him immortal or something. That's why he's so strict with it.

I think it's indicative of what is wrong with Steve. For him, life is all about all or nothing. There is no grey. No variation. Only yes or no, right or wrong, good or bad. Black or white. And, since it's only ever one or the other, it's all the way to the ends of the earth with whichever one he chooses. 

Vegan diet? Prior to the proof he is, in fact, human he probably had all kinds of negative things to say about vegan diets, if he even knew what they were. In his mind, his diet was THE DIET/way  to eat, and everything else was wrong. Now? No admitting he may not have all the answers and the world functions in the grey zone, he clutches onto vegan eating for dear life (and brings his wife along because, well, god Steve forbid she make a choice of her own that isn't his choice) because he now knows there is nothing else that is right! 

 

[nokidsmom]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

The Pepsi would be back.

ITA, in fact I would like to bet that Teri will stop at the first convenience store on the way home from Steve's funeral to get a Pepsi.  That's how fast that Pepsi would come roaring back. 

But in all seriousness, Teri and Pepsi remind me of my mom and her Pepsi.  She loved it but my Dad, who had a lot of similarities to Steveovah btw, hated that habit.  He was a bit of a health freak (like Steveovah now) and had a real thing against soft drinks.  Mom indulged while we were all at work / school, when she went back to work, she indulged there.   I didn't taste Coca Cola until I was 13 when I went and bought it myself.  Mom's Pepsi habit was a bit of a battle between my folks.  In her last months I was sneaking in Pepsi to her in her hospital room because it was the one thing she could still enjoy.  

[MamaJunebug]

17 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Did you mean patients or is there a topless church in Kansas?   

Danggit I need to proofread! 

How did “female patient’s breasts” wind up as THAT?! ?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

11 minutes ago, nokidsmom said:

ITA, in fact I would like to bet that Teri will stop at the first convenience store on the way home from Steve's funeral to get a Pepsi.  That's how fast that Pepsi would come roaring back. 

But in all seriousness, Teri and Pepsi remind me of my mom and her Pepsi.  She loved it but my Dad, who had a lot of similarities to Steveovah btw, hated that habit.  He was a bit of a health freak (like Steveovah now) and had a real thing against soft drinks.  Mom indulged while we were all at work / school, when she went back to work, she indulged there.   I didn't taste Coca Cola until I was 13 when I went and bought it myself.  Mom's Pepsi habit was a bit of a battle between my folks.  In her last months I was sneaking in Pepsi to her in her hospital room because it was the one thing she could still enjoy.  

This reminds me of a bit by Kathleen Madigan about how her parents had quit smoking when in their 60's.  She said she'd never seen anyone so unhappy with a healthy choice as her mom.  Her mom said as soon as her dad dies first thing she's going to do it light up a cigarette.  "Not saying I don't love him...but I am looking forward to that cigarette."

I'm paraphrasing badly but it was hilarious.

[nokidsmom]

15 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Her mom said as soon as her dad dies first thing she's going to do it light up a cigarette.  "Not saying I don't love him...but I am looking forward to that cigarette."

Alas, my Mom passed before my Dad but had she outlived him, I know there were some things she would waste no time doing.   Besides moving out of the too-big-and-too-expensive house that Dad refused to downsize from, the other would have been getting a Pepsi and enjoying it at home without being nagged about it.   

 

Edited January 22, 2020 by nokidsmom

[MamaJunebug]

23 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

This reminds me of a bit by Kathleen Madigan about how her parents had quit smoking when in their 60's.  She said she'd never seen anyone so unhappy with a healthy choice as her mom.  Her mom said as soon as her dad dies first thing she's going to do it light up a cigarette.  "Not saying I don't love him...but I am looking forward to that cigarette."

I'm paraphrasing badly but it was hilarious.

L O V E LOVE Kathleen Madigan!

I’ve started thinking differently about PSarah’s possibly poor, possibly not, plight. 

The Maxwells by no means tell their fans the whole truth about themselves. Can't point to  precise chapters & verses, but I can remember several times when we here at FJ were surprised to find out that the grown children had traveled alone, or a far ways in two’s.  The family don’t publicly acknowledge the gifts from their supporters or even seem to display them (thinking of the framed scripture verses given to them by attendees at a sales event in eastern Missouri. Lovely framed pieces, never have glimpsed them on the Fathership’s walls).

Back to Sarah. I’ve been thinking: If she were really as downtrodden and woebegone as I often think of her, would Teri have written that odious birthday “greeting” last year about, “Screwed your hopes & dreams, haven’t you / haven’t we, sucks to be you, but what you gonna do?”

No ... the more it seems like some passive-aggressive crap to me. Teri possibly envies Sarah’s relative freedom. She has no husband to answer to. An insanely overbearing father, yes — but daughterly obedience  is not wifely. 

AnnaAndMary strike me as having figured out how to work their parents a long time ago. Like most later-borns, they shrewdly watch what doesn’t work for the first-Borns and adjust accordingly. So Teri doesn’t care much what those two do, as long as they are 1,000% smiling inanely for the camera.

Sarah, OTOH, has very likely had her fair share of conflicts — if only in ideas — with the way her parents raised them. Going from being one of three close-in-age siblings to watching her mom bend under the responsibilities of the quickly accumulating reversals, being expected to pitch in possibly far more than her brothers did, I’m going to say she has a complex relationship with her controlling parents — one we just will never see on the happy shiny Tits2 bloggy.

i still wouldn’t  trade her life at that age for mine, way back when, but I’m not necessarily pandering her off as “poor thing.” And I dearly hope I’m right. 

(#OldestSistersHaveItWorst)

[kpmom]

I agree, MJB.

Sarah had a ton of responsibility growing up.  She was the only female among the older three, and I don't doubt she did much of the work raising the reversals when Teri was pregnant, nursing.  Throw in Teri's depression, and I'm guessing there were times Sarah took over most of the household responsibilities.

Maybe she feels like she's done the housewife and mom stuff with her siblings, and is thoroughly enjoying some freedom.  And I agree, I think she has much more freedom and say in her life than we here assume. 

[Giraffe]

@kpmom & @MamaJunebug, I’ve tbought of those as reasons I believe Jana’s content remaining single but hadn’t thought of it for Sarah before. I bet you’re right, especially at this point.

[Tatar-tot]

Steve and the clan are all bright.  That is what always leaves me puzzled.  I would think intellectual curiosity would have lead one of them to question Steve’s teachings.