Dillards 82: Derick Spills the Tea

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

18 hours ago, lil_secret said:

If you're a 1w9 (my husband is!) then here is my summary for you: "Rule-obsessed stick in the mud"

 

If you're a 6w5: "second-guessing, chronically worrying, overthinker"

 

lol! 

OMG! 6W5 is my husband. He won't agree, he has to think about it first. 

[Cat Damon]

I don't follow Jill on Instagram but sometimes I'll go check out her page and see what she's posted. She had a bunch on her stories about how it was hard to get the boys down for their daily nap and was just then sitting down for her devotional time - now, I am not a parent nor do I play one on TV, but I do babysit for a kid that is just a few months younger than Israel, and he does not nap every day. More like once a week if that. Is it normal for a kid who is almost five years old to take an afternoon nap every day or is that a way for Jill to just have some alone time? Couldn't Israel have quiet time instead of a nap? I'm not BEC I am just curious because it does seem like he's a little old to be taking an afternoon nap daily.

She also sort of said that it was really hard for her in the afternoons between nap time and when Derick gets home in the evening. I really wish she'd consider a "mother's day out" thing like one morning a week or something.

[lil_secret]

It makes me sad to see so many people feeling down about their ennea types! Enneagram is meant to help you figure out what ways you're limiting yourself and what you can do to become the best version of yourselves by confronting your worst tendencies and embracing your best! I'm especially seeing sixes and fellow fours bemoaning their types in here.

 

Sixes at their best "Become self-affirming, trusting of self and others, independent yet symbiotically interdependent and cooperative as an equal. Belief in self leads to true courage, positive thinking, leadership, and rich self-expression."

 

Fours at their best are "Profoundly creative, expressing the personal and the universal, possibly in a work of art. Inspired, self-renewing and regenerating: able to transform all their experiences into something valuable: self-creative."

 

That sounds pretty awesome to me! ?

 

There's no need to cling to the Enneagram as though it were gospel, like teenage girls can do with their Horoscope lol. My therapist says to look at it as a useful tool to better understand yourself and the people in your life.

7 minutes ago, Cat Damon said:

Couldn't Israel have quiet time instead of a nap?

To give Muffy the benefit of the doubt, maybe for the sake of brevity, she just lumped both boys into the "nap time" explanation rather than saying "when Sam takes a nap and when Isruhl has his quiet time". Because yes I agree, a five year old kid taking a nap is basically a miracle and not the norm lol. She desperately needs preschool/Pre K for those boys. God almighty give that girl a break!

Edited January 17, 2020 by lil_secret

[Sullie06]

48 minutes ago, Cat Damon said:

I don't follow Jill on Instagram but sometimes I'll go check out her page and see what she's posted. She had a bunch on her stories about how it was hard to get the boys down for their daily nap and was just then sitting down for her devotional time - now, I am not a parent nor do I play one on TV, but I do babysit for a kid that is just a few months younger than Israel, and he does not nap every day. More like once a week if that. Is it normal for a kid who is almost five years old to take an afternoon nap every day or is that a way for Jill to just have some alone time? Couldn't Israel have quiet time instead of a nap? I'm not BEC I am just curious because it does seem like he's a little old to be taking an afternoon nap daily.

She also sort of said that it was really hard for her in the afternoons between nap time and when Derick gets home in the evening. I really wish she'd consider a "mother's day out" thing like one morning a week or something.

I think it really depends on the kid. My daughter stopped napping at 3, she is just not a nap kid and she is okay without one. My son napped until he started full-day pre-school and even then they would have rest time and if they fell asleep they let them sleep. He napped everyday until 4 and then most days between 4-5. He's the type of kid who is a bear when he's tired. Even now at almost 7 there will be days he will pass out for a little afternoon nap on the weekends. Then there was my nephew who napped daily until he started Kindergarten. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Naps vary, my oldest NEEDED a daily nap until he was almost 6, we had to wean him off the nap to start Kindergarten.  The kids had a fairly strict schedule when they were little, bed time was 8:00 pm we started bed time at 7:30, so that was teeth brushing jammies, stories and all tucked in & lights off at 8:00 at the latest, and they got up at 6:45 am when they started school. My youngest gave up napping voluntarily  at about age 2, she needed to nap, but she hated napping, this one has fought sleep since birth, it was so bad with her that I had to be AT HOME and have her in her crib but 1:00 pm or she wouldn't sleep at all and, then spent the rest of the night being a raging bitch. A cute little raging bitch, nothing funner than a 2 year old stomping her feet and telling mommy (me) she was "evil and terivil and toopid cuz seeping doesn't make you not seepy". That was her argument. I'm sure it was logical to her at the time, but damn she was cute, with her chubby cheeks dark brown ringlets of hair and big dark eyes (her eyes changed colors and didn't stop until she was almost 6) her little hands on her hips trying to reason with me about not needing to go to bed. 

[PennySycamore]

@AliceInFundyland and others have asked how fundies and Trad Catholics could come to be interested in enneagrams.  It's a puzzle.  The history of enneagrams has to so with mysticism, Sufis, the Greek Orthodox Church perhaps, and Gurdjieff.  Father Richard Rohr, a progressive Franciscan priest, and Don Richard Russo who studied to be a Jesuit priest were two of the popularizers  of the enneagram in a Christian context.  That still doesn't explain why is gained traction among folks like Jill and Trad catholics.

[neuroticcat]

My kids stopped napping around four, though my youngest who is two is really fighting his.Quiet time it is!

i vaguely remember a 19k episode where older girls were making Johanna map and said Duggar rule was naps until age 6, so maybe Jill is following that?

For me, naps with older kids aren’t worth the late bedtime. If my 4 year old does nap she’s up u til 10:30, but maybe that suits certain lifestyles?

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

29 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

@AliceInFundyland and others have asked how fundies and Trad Catholics could come to be interested in enneagrams.  It's a puzzle.  The history of enneagrams has to so with mysticism, Sufis, the Greek Orthodox Church perhaps, and Gurdjieff.  Father Richard Rohr, a progressive Franciscan priest, and Don Richard Russo who studied to be a Jesuit priest were two of the popularizers  of the enneagram in a Christian context.  That still doesn't explain why is gained traction among folks like Jill and Trad catholics.

Is there a way to ELI5 how mysticism is involved?  To me it just seemed like a similar, but truncated, MBTI test which is self-reported traits and responses.   I'm curious as to how it would relate to something more spiritual (for lack of a better word.)

 

[lil_secret]

Honestly, Wikipedia's history section on the enneagram entry does a pretty succinct summary of the history

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 minute ago, lil_secret said:

Honestly, Wikipedia's history section on the enneagram entry does a pretty succinct summary of the history

Which I should have googled before asking.  I totally deserved a lmgtfy :) 

[lil_secret]

Lol no worries. I often ask messageboards questions that can be googled, simply because I want to interact with and discuss things with a human

[Screamapillar]

For kids younger than 2 or 3: skip the nap at your own peril. Older than that, it really depends on the kid.

I think Jill would really benefit from getting those boys out of the house a lot more. It's weird to me, because she seems like a pretty social person, but she also seems to hermit herself up in the house with the boys most days. Again, I suspect Derick has control of the car, so on days that he's off learning lawyerin' she's just SOL and stuck at the home. I would lose my mind.

[PennySycamore]

I wonder if Jill lives anywhere close to a park.  Put the boys in the stroller, if she has a double stroller, or just put Sam in and let Izzy hold the handle and get those boys to the park!  Yes you do have to keep your eyes on two kids, but lots of us moms of more than one do.  

[medimus]

We were taught about the enneagram in catholic high school. So i don't think thr catholic interest in it is new.

I'm always surprised at older children having naps. Universal preSchool is a thing where I grew up, and it was only ever the reception class (2.5-3 year olds) who had naps. I remember being awake for all of them. But I stopped napping before age one, much to thw horror of my parents.?

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Jill's issue is her family was her social circle, and anyone that they allowed in their cult were her friends, and they are now banned from everyone it seems, Except Sierra, she spends literally no time with her family so she is lonely, isolated and struggling. She has way to much time to think, and I do think if she put Israel & Samuel in preschool, they would LOVE it, she would make more connections with other people, the boys would make more friends, from there you set up play dates and take turns sometimes hanging out with the mom and having some grown up time or a few hours to run errands kid free. 

I'm thinking most of the people they hang out with the moms work, so Jill doesn't have any SAHM friends anymore they've all distanced themselves from her because she isn't following their rules. 

[Meggo]

I would go BONKERS if I stayed home with two little kids every day. I stayed home for three years with one little monkey (who was anti-naps for most of his toddler hood) and I made a point to leave the house and talk with grown ups every day. Even if it was the grocery store, or the librarian or SOMEONE. And we did go to the park at the end of our street a LOT and when we didn't - we went and found a different park to go play in. 

I get that her friend circle might be cut off - but I'm SURE there is a mom group at her church (or any local church) where she could find godly women to talk to for a half hour a day! (weird side note: my mom goes to the mom group at her church. And her youngest is 46... and it's ME - so I don't know quite what she's thinking - but she does seem to help out some of the moms who are struggling) 

 

[fluffernutter]

1 minute ago, Meggo said:

I get that her friend circle might be cut off - but I'm SURE there is a mom group at her church (or any local church) where she could find godly women to talk to for a half hour a day! (weird side note: my mom goes to the mom group at her church. And her youngest is 46... and it's ME - so I don't know quite what she's thinking - but she does seem to help out some of the moms who are struggling) 

 

I love kids and would totally go to a mom's group if there was a need for an extra set of hands, and my youngest is 18.  I never thought about it but it makes sense. 

[Daisy0322]

11 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

This is not a fun game.

No personality test scheme should be leading the descriptions with the shitty parts of your character. That's not the sort of thing my mom would have gravitated to at all. They should suck you in with the good stuff.

I wonder what the history of this has been and how it's ended up with the fundies ?

When I read this I legit laughed out loud because my mind totally blocked that out and focused on the “good stuff” and I pretty much skimmed over the negative which really just enforced the fact that I’m a 7w6 ?

[Maggie Mae]

4 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

I’m also a 2w3 and I’ve seen it described as someone who puts the needs of others before their own to the point where the person needs to feel needed by others in order to be happy. They are also known for doing a lot of good work for their community and being able to form strong bonds with others. Some negatives I saw were: bad at taking criticism, doesn’t acknowledge their own needs, and tend to be overly critical of themselves. This type calls me out in so many ways with the description that it isn’t even funny!

That fits my mom to a tee. I should make her take it. 

[Iamtheway]

I have no idea what my number is but I can tell you my personality: it’s one that can’t be bothered to answer questions to find out about their personality. 

It’s also stubborn procrastination queen that think that she is always right about everything. 

[Meggo]

58 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

I love kids and would totally go to a mom's group if there was a need for an extra set of hands, and my youngest is 18.  I never thought about it but it makes sense. 

She ended up be-friending a mom who is from Mexico. She and her husband are both engineers and they had this little baby at the time and were completely out of their depth (with regards to living in Michigan). As in, the mom wouldn't leave the house if it was less than 40degrees out. So - of course - she was going a bit stir crazy. So my mom would go over and help her out - give her another grown up to talk to etc. 

And my mom spent MOST of her young mom days living away from family or overseas (military) so she's ALL about helping other people who might be alone, not have family close by, not have anywhere to go for Christmas etc. So it seemed like a good fit. 

[freealljs]

I believe on the 19KAC show, that there was an episode where all kids 6 yo and under were on a nap schedule. It didn’t matter if the J’kid wanted to nap or not, they were going to nap. Maybe Jill just doesn’t know any different. Hence, she is forcing Israel to nap whether he needs to or not. Agree those boys would benefit from structure of pre-k. 
 

As for mom groups and play dates...those saved me! I stayed home with my DD until she was 2.5 yo. Those play dates allowed me time to unwind and recharge. Now, my DD is 10 yo, and she still has play dates. The parents take turns. 

[Knight of Ni]

My four year old doesn’t nap every day but sometimes needs to “ rest her eyes”. 

[mollysmom]

23 hours ago, lil_secret said:

If you're a 6w5: "second-guessing, chronically worrying, overthinker"

 

lol! 

 

I am a 6w5 and you just described me to a T!!!! 

[Gobsmacked]

31 minutes ago, mollysmom said:

 

I am a 6w5 and you just described me to a T!!!! 

That's my #1 son.  He finds life hard work at times.