Lori Alexander 74: Anniversary Pain

[forgetmenow]

Terrifying.  Any domestic situation set up in that way will end tragically.  Specific case: Matt and Nique Leili.  According to this article he installed 21 (!!!) cameras throughout their house.  And then he murdered her.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/georgia-man-wifes-murder-death-remains-mystery/story?id=37034937

[smittykins]

I saw that story on 20/20.

[Melissa1977]

On 2/7/2020 at 6:41 AM, usmcmom said:

In the most recent story, they seem pleased that the baby got some color on his cheeks and a little tan on his arms. His arms did look a little pink, even in the pictures. I certainly would not be bragging if my five month old child had a slight sunburn. But, this is a family that does not believe in sunscreen so maybe they think sunburn is healthy???
 

Probably just BEC with these observations but Alyssa seems to be as shallow as ever now that she has become a mother.  

The baby had waaaay too colour!!! I would be concerned if he was mine! Babies are supposed not to tan, never. In the beach they need hats, sunscreen clothes, umbrellas etc. It's not a joke! Even dark skinned children should be sun protected. 

Alyssa is always talking about healthy habits, clean food etc. It's obvious she has skincare routines with good products. She HAS to know sun is bad for the baby!!! But her only concern seems to be the sleep training. 

[Sarah92]

Ugh I got Ken as a people you may know on Facebook friend suggestion. This needs to stop. Darn my uncle for being friends with these people. 

[Frog99]

17 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

So when learning about domestic abuse and how to help people out of it, tracking devices was a common topic. Abusers will often hide tracking devices on their partners phones in order to track them. They’re similar to what parents use for their kids. It’s been said that it’s often hard to find the app on the phone. It has been recommended that when leaving an abuser that you leave your phone behind or completely wipe it. 

Years ago, I attended a training on intimate partner violence and stalking. One of the case studies reviewed in the training was that of a woman who was moved out of state to escape  her abuser. He was easily able to track her down- at some point in their relationship,  he took her MacBook, took the little Apple out of the back of it, and replaced it with one that had an embedded camera. We talked about a number of scenarios that were eye openers for me- I don’t remember the resolution of this case- I think he actually served a decent amount of time because it crossed state lines. 

[RosyDaisy]

Trey has got to be one of the nastiest misogynistic creeps I've come across.  He needs a few doses  of his own medicine.  I hope his wife grows a backbone and administers said medicine. 

[Caroline]

19 hours ago, Sarah92 said:

So when learning about domestic abuse and how to help people out of it, tracking devices was a common topic. Abusers will often hide tracking devices on their partners phones in order to track them. They’re similar to what parents use for their kids. It’s been said that it’s often hard to find the app on the phone. It has been recommended that when leaving an abuser that you leave your phone behind or completely wipe it. 

A woman I work with has tracking devices on her three kids' phones and her husband's phone. I would find it strangely intrusive to be tracked in that way.  I've asked my young adult daughter what she thinks, and she agrees that's a strange thing to do between adults.  My friend's oldest kid is a senior in high school who seems very responsible.  My daughter said she would have hated that kind of surveillance.  She never gave us any reason to be concerned about her whereabouts or driving.  I feel like that kind of device could mess with your relationship with your kids and their impressions of how much trust you have in them and their decisions.  I wonder if my friend will continue to monitor her kid's location when he leaves for college in the fall.   Just because the technology exists doesn't mean we have to use it.  I can concede that there may be circumstances when it's appropriate to track someone's location temporarily.  

[Sarah92]

I think this whole tracking thing just gets in the way of communication between parents and kids or even partners. My parents let me go out and about with the agreement that I call them if I changed locations. As a teen I could go out fairly late at night so long as I kept my parents updated. My friends frequently had alcohol-free parties and we never got in trouble. We just played games and ate snacks. I think the craziest thing we did was an across town scavenger hunt. But had I not communicated or been honest I’m sure there would have been more restrictions.  
 

But I guess on the flip side, I kinda get why parents might put it on their kids’ phones but it might be the population that I work with. Having worked with kids that struggle with mental health and sometimes have the idea to hurt themselves it can be quite scary for parents to not know for sure where their kids are. I also work with kids who often threaten to run away as well. 

[usmcmom]

Our daughter went to school out of state. We did have a tracker on her phone for when she was driving back and forth. If something had gone wrong on her drive, we wanted to know how to get to her. Other than that, we never bothered checking. Actually, she raised a lot of eyebrows in her circle of friends because she told me everything, I think, as far as what her weekends were like*, etc. Her friends would say they couldn’t believe she was telling me these things and she’d say “She knows I’m an adult...” 

*Not details, but if she and her boyfriend were going away for a weekend..stuff like that. 

[Frog99]

Our 12 year old has a phone and we have enabled Verizon smart family. It does tell me her location but I couldn’t tell you the last time I checked. She’s a responsible kid and has a fair amount of independence for her age, and we talk about everything. She has said so many times that her friends always tell her she’s lucky that we calmly talk about things- many of them are afraid to talk to their parents or feel like they can’t. Looking back, I always knew I was loved unconditionally and that my parents would always be there, but I didn’t necessarily feel as though we had open communication. But part of that could be me- I tend to be private and I process things on my own. 

We also have the same open communication with our 10 year old son. I know I’ve referenced this before, but he’s smart and thinks about things differently than most kids his age. For the past year, he’s been questioning the Bible, Christianity, and other religions. Often those questions are harder than puberty discussions. 
And to bring this back to the original topic, when he gets a phone this summer (before middle school), we will enable smart family but won’t track him. DH and I don’t track one another either. 
 

[freealljs]

Finally caught up on the LorKen thread.  I actually like Alyssa, in that she is in many ways the anti-Lori. Alyssa has lots to learn about life and humility, but honestly, we all do. I give her props for pursuing her dreams of being a professional ballerina and not letting her mother's online tirades of her lifestyle impede her in any way.  I often wonder if Lori is a tad bit jealous of Alyssa, because Alyssa looks like she's happily married and enjoys being a working mother. Heck, I wonder if Lori is jealous of all her daughters and DILs.

BUT, damn Ken and his stupid horse. A lot of what he writes can be shortened into, at most, three sentences. 

And why do I get the impression (especially recently) that if Lori keeled over, that Ken would be drinking margaritas and celebrating?  

[Lgirlrocks]

Everything comes down to trust and open communication. I never had a curfew but my mom always knew where I was. I usually only went out on a school night if I was working. My ex had the password to my phone and I had the password for his. He had no password for his computer. I had one for mine but he knew it. We never snooped on each other because we both knew what the other was doing. My younger brother had me track his phone a few weeks ago but he went on a road trip and his car isn’t the best. 

[EmmaWoodhouse]

My MIL can track anyone on her family phone plan.  My husband hasn't gotten around to getting off of it yet, but this conversation is making me want to do something about it ASAP.  The woman is super caring and well-meaning, but has no concept of boundaries and it just occurred to me that I have no idea how often she checks his whereabouts.

[hollyfeller]

2 hours ago, EmmaWoodhouse said:

My MIL can track anyone on her family phone plan.  My husband hasn't gotten around to getting off of it yet, but this conversation is making me want to do something about it ASAP.  The woman is super caring and well-meaning, but has no concept of boundaries and it just occurred to me that I have no idea how often she checks his whereabouts.

The only time I ever tracked my ex-husband (via Find My iPhone only) was after his affair.  I caught him in places he wasn't supposed to be.

[feministxtian]

THank God I grew up in the lie my ass off days. I mean, I was always accused of doing shit, so I finally would go do it and lie my ass off. I never had to track my kids...I knew damn good and well where they were...upstairs...playing video games and hanging out. My one granddaughter has a phone and her father has tracking on it...but she's 7. 

[Koala]

4 hours ago, feministxtian said:

THank God I grew up in the lie my ass off days. I mean, I was always accused of doing shit, so I finally would go do it and lie my ass off. 

Right?  The tracking makes me super uncomfortable.  When I was a teenager you just went where you went, and there wasn't a whole lot they could do about it. 

I know a couple of families who use tracking, and it hasn't gone well for either.  One of them had tracking on their son's phone.  As he and his WIFE were driving to their honeymoon destination, his parents realized he had removed it.  They immediately called the young couple, and raised all holy hell.  The couple stood their ground, and refused to reinstall the app.  They spent the whole drive to their honeymoon fielding angry calls from his parents.

When they returned home, the whole family (parents, 3 siblings and their spouses) got together and confronted them about how horrible they were for "not doing that one little thing that mama and daddy asked you to do", and how they had "taken away their peace of mind".

Crazy...pure crazy.

We have 2 teenagers, and we do not have trackers on their phones.  When my son was first driving, the rule was call when you arrive, and tell us if you plan to change locations.  Now that he's had more experience driving, he just checks in occasionally when he's out and about, and honestly he does that on his own. 

[feministxtian]

26 minutes ago, Koala said:

We have 2 teenagers, and we do not have trackers on their phones.  When my son was first driving, the rule was call when you arrive, and tell us if you plan to change locations.  Now that he's had more experience driving, he just checks in occasionally when he's out and about, and honestly he does that on his own. 

My kids did that as teens. All I wanted to know when they left the house was what time they thought they'd be home. However...I ended up finding out more than I ever wanted to know, especially from my sons. Its STILL that way!!! Gotta love the brats tho...they still think they need mama. 

I can see tracking on little kids...once they hit their teens...forget it. And, if you've raised them "right", why should you be so controlling and distrustful????? I know I didn't raise my kids "right". I still trusted them to not get into too much trouble. They knew if they were too drunk or too stoned to drive, they could call me to get them. They really haven't gotten into trouble, none have ever had a DUI or any of that stuff. 

I think it was easier when we were kids...and I don't remember any of my friends' parents being that controlling either. I'm all about the free range parenting...how else are they going to learn that some of their ideas that sound good maybe aren't that good at all? 

[louisa05]

12 hours ago, Caroline said:

A woman I work with has tracking devices on her three kids' phones and her husband's phone. I would find it strangely intrusive to be tracked in that way.  I've asked my young adult daughter what she thinks, and she agrees that's a strange thing to do between adults.  My friend's oldest kid is a senior in high school who seems very responsible.  My daughter said she would have hated that kind of surveillance.  She never gave us any reason to be concerned about her whereabouts or driving.  I feel like that kind of device could mess with your relationship with your kids and their impressions of how much trust you have in them and their decisions.  I wonder if my friend will continue to monitor her kid's location when he leaves for college in the fall.   Just because the technology exists doesn't mean we have to use it.  I can concede that there may be circumstances when it's appropriate to track someone's location temporarily.  

My cousin’s wife had tracking on her kids’s phones. They are 28 and (nearly) 25.  
 

They are healthy able adults with college degrees and live at home, are underemployed and have little to no social life or peer group. Because she will not let go of them. 

[feministxtian]

2 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

My cousin’s wife had tracking on her kids’s phones. They are 28 and (nearly) 25.  
 

They are healthy able adults with college degrees and live at home, are underemployed and have little to no social life or peer group. Because she will not let go of them. 

Why can't people understand that "active" parenting is a time limited job. You have 18 years to create an independent human being. Any relationship you have with your kids after that is just gravy. By 18, a "child" should be able to live independently, even if still living in your house. Job, budgeting, paying bills, being responsible for themselves, doing their own goddamn laundry. 

Now...I realize my youngest lives with me for free...Why? Let's start with he dropped everything including his job to haul ass from Northern California where he was living to here when we found out his dad was sick. Second, he does things I'm physically unable to do. All that makes it possible for him to finally go to college and not have to worry about food/shelter/etc. BUT...he doesn't "need" me really. He's capable of functioning as an independent adult and make good decisions for himself. This is a "marriage of convenience" for both of us. 

Letting them go was never my problem...them letting go of me...that is a different story...

And as always...you all know I love my kids fiercely...I'm glad they still WANT mom in their lives. 

[kmachete14]

I had trackers on my phone throughout high school. I deserved it though -- I had been caught lying about where I was going many times. I had very strict parents. I don't think I'd hesitate to do the same for my kids. I'm their parent, in charge of keeping them safe. 

[louisa05]

44 minutes ago, kmachete14 said:

I had trackers on my phone throughout high school. I deserved it though -- I had been caught lying about where I was going many times. I had very strict parents. I don't think I'd hesitate to do the same for my kids. I'm their parent, in charge of keeping them safe. 

But will you still have it when they’re adults? If you decide to do it,decide when comes off and stick to that

[kmachete14]

21 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

But will you still have it when they’re adults? If you decide to do it,decide when comes off and stick to that

No -- absolutely not. My parents didn't either. Adults can make their own decisions. They were strict, but they were not fundie and I wasn't a stay at home daughter. 

[quiversR4hunting]

We have thought about putting a tracker on my parents vehicle. There have been some forgetful stuff happen and we are debating what to do. I can see my sister and I only using it when we cannot find them (no answer to texts, phone calls, etc). But that is different than tracking an able body adult. For some reason I wouldn't doubt that the Duggars and Bates track their single adult daughters. I also wouldn't be surprised if the Maxwell family and Ardnt's track their kids. 

[FiveAcres]

4 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I can see tracking on little kids...once they hit their teens...forget it. And, if you've raised them "right", why should you be so controlling and distrustful????? I know I didn't raise my kids "right". I still trusted them to not get into too much trouble. They knew if they were too drunk or too stoned to drive, they could call me to get them. They really haven't gotten into trouble, none have ever had a DUI or any of that stuff. 

 

One of my sisters-in-law told me that her first rule for her sons was, if they were ever too incapacitated to get themselves home or to their aunt's house, that she would come get them anytime of the day or night without recriminations.

[wallysmommy]

I posted this on my personal FB page with Lori's shared post from that crazy 21 Conference Dude.  My aunt and cousins will probably unfriend me now.   

Calling it like it is...don't use the word "godly" to promote misogyny and an evil agenda. This agenda is to pit men against women by judging them on their outward appearance. There is no perfect woman, and if a man only cares about hair length, if a woman has college debt (which may mean she's too smart for him because she has an education), if she's a virgin, or has tattoos, then any woman in her right mind would kick him to the curb. Christian women who share this woman's posts SHAME ON YOU!!!