Josiah and Lauren 16: Just Another Young Fundie Couple

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 minutes ago, Front Hugging Fiend said:

it has been AGES since I've posted and because the trump hotel thing has me fired up, allow me a BEC moment... I thought eyebrows were meant to be sisters and not twins? Is that still true? I think Genevieve's are headed for more of a distant cousin thrice plucked removed look. 

 

as an aside, I often think about how different Marjorie and Lauren are. With the courting announcement with Marjorie, I saw an outgoing and big personality, but one that was inherently kind. With Lauren, I see smaller, quieter, and rather standoffish. 

I'll agree with anyone who says maybe she just isn't liking being in front of the camera... but I also felt quite strongly that Marjorie's personality says 'welcome! let's  be friends!' and Lauren's is more of a 'don't talk to me, I'm above you'. (even if unintentional.)

As someone whose personality has never said anything close to, welcome let's be friends I personally don't think people who have that are always what they are cracked up to be.

Some of the most outgoing, gregarious, friendly people I've known have been wonderful and truly genuine and kind and others...that's all there is.  Superficial friendliness because everyone has to like them always and those people exhaust the hell out of me.

Everything you've said about Lauren here has been said about me my entire life.  People who don't know me well see aloof, stuck up, and the word when it's been brought up at work in the past was "unapproachable."  And I absolutely have a genuine air of "don't talk to me" much of the time, but it has nothing to do with superiority and everything to do with the fact that I probably just don't want to talk to you.

I don't know her and I don't watch the show, just pointing out that people who are more reserved get these exact criticisms leveled at them all the time...and from childhood throughout their lives.  

But reserved people can also be fun, warm, loving people to those with whom we're comfortable...but you're probably never going to see the depth of that on camera or in a crowd of extended family or acquaintances.  

 

[Sullie06]

On 1/2/2020 at 3:25 PM, Ali said:

Being a new mom at the holidays is hard. The noise and change in routine can be difficult for young children to handle. My husband is an involved parent, but there were many times where he got distracted while I got stuck with a fussy baby or cranky toddler. I am sure there were moments where I was holding a baby with the same face as Lauren at family gatherings. Good to know that makes me a spoiled brat.

 

Spoiled brat here too. My kids are 6 and 4 and the holidays wrecked them. They were off their routine, jacked up on sweet and over stimulated and my husband, while he's very hands on, seems to check out around his family. He gets distracted and next thing I know he's been talking to his uncle for an hour and I've been chasing two kids around making sure they are not breaking anything in his grandmother's museum quality house. I'm so glad the holidays are over because I need my routine, eating habits and kids bedtime back to normal. 

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

As someone whose personality has never said anything close to, welcome let's be friends I personally don't think people who have that are always what they are cracked up to be.

Some of the most outgoing, gregarious, friendly people I've known have been wonderful and truly genuine and kind and others...that's all there is.  Superficial friendliness because everyone has to like them always and those people exhaust the hell out of me.

Everything you've said about Lauren here has been said about me my entire life.  People who don't know me well see aloof, stuck up, and the word when it's been brought up at work in the past was "unapproachable."  And I absolutely have a genuine air of "don't talk to me" much of the time, but it has nothing to do with superiority and everything to do with the fact that I probably just don't want to talk to you.

I don't know her and I don't watch the show, just pointing out that people who are more reserved get these exact criticisms leveled at them all the time...and from childhood throughout their lives.  

But reserved people can also be fun, warm, loving people to those with whom we're comfortable...but you're probably never going to see the depth of that on camera or in a crowd of extended family or acquaintances.  

 

I’ve worked with many, “quiet/reserved/shy” people( nurses) over my career and I can’t tell you how many people are generally unhappy and verbally express such, having to work with the aforementioned group. It never bothered me at all, but if I had a dollar for every time that I heard a co-worker grumble about working in a room with a more reserved person, I’d have a lot more money in my bank account. Snotty and unapproachable,  as well as being preserved as not a team player were the most frequent reasons stated.

Edited January 8, 2020 by SassyPants

[FluffySnowball]

Bella is a cutie, but could Josiah and Lauren please correct all their spelling and grammar mistakes? Duggar Highschool graduates have a reputation to lo... ah, never mind. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

51 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I’ve worked with many, “quiet/reserved/shy” people( nurses) over my career and I can’t tell you how many people are generally unhappy and verbally express such, having to work with the aforementioned group. It never bothered me at all, but if I had a dollar for every time that I heard a co-worker grumble about working in a room with a more reserved person, I’d have a lot more money in my bank account. Snotty and unapproachable,  as well as being preserved as not a team player were the most frequent reasons stated.

And there are degrees.  I've learned, over the course of my career, to get outside of my personal preference and smile and ask how people's weekends are because that's what people apparently need from co-workers to function.

For me as long as someone is being civil and professional their level of friendly means nothing to me.  I can have good working rapport with anyone who is competent - which is unrelated to how gregarious one is.

[Front Hugging Fiend]

It absolutely could just be her demeanour. It could also be sheer exhaustion from having a small baby... Maybe there's something to be admired in the refusal to 'keep sweet'. 

[bird]

On 12/16/2019 at 6:46 PM, Belugaloo said:

I wish more people understood this! There is so much stigma surrounding c-sections. For a very long time I have said "id be willing to get pregnant if I could be promised a c section". I have a major phobia of childbirth. I was born without a vaginal opening, and so I have always associated vaginal exams with pain and discomfort as a child and as an adult, Pap smears have always been painful even though I can have sex, use tampons, etc. I am also extremely prone to tearing my skin down there- its just a very sensitive area. Each time ive mentioned wanting a c section, fellow moms are quick to essentially attack my comment. "your body is made to do it!" "Its so depressing to not do it naturally" "OH but that would be terrible. The recovery is so much worse!" um, hello.... pain that is chosen is always going to be processed better than traumatic pain you are subjected to. If I feel that vaginal birth would be incredibly traumatizing and would make me feel like I am being violated, that pain is going to be much worse than a c section recovery! 

I've had 4! 1 emergency after a protracted labour 1 super emergency with complications and a very close call for both baby and me and 2 elective. I've recovered from all of them (even the super emergency that was as close as dammit to a total disaster) very quickly and easily (sometimes quicker than friends who had vaginal deliveries) and was up and about the next day. It's a perfectly valid choice considering your circumstances and not depressing at all!! If you want a baby just book a c section and ignore everyone. They exist for a reason. 

[AprilQuilt]

1 hour ago, bird said:

I've had 4! 1 emergency after a protracted labour 1 super emergency with complications and a very close call for both baby and me and 2 elective. I've recovered from all of them (even the super emergency that was as close as dammit to a total disaster) very quickly and easily (sometimes quicker than friends who had vaginal deliveries) and was up and about the next day. It's a perfectly valid choice considering your circumstances and not depressing at all!! If you want a baby just book a c section and ignore everyone. They exist for a reason. 

That's very heartening to hear, after my first C section (scheduled for my breech baby) I'm pondering my options for the next baby. The consultant at the time reckoned I had a 7/10 chance of successful VBAC should I go again, (based on what exactly I don't know - and I guess it depends on a whole bunch of variables) but if there were any complications I'd be tempted to just go straight for elective C section. Like you, I found it a very positive experience and the recovery wasn't too onerous, so it's great to hear it's possible to have quite a few. 

Do you mind my asking, do they go in on the old scar or make a new incision each time? Silly question I guess, but I'm really curious.

[bird]

3 minutes ago, AprilQuilt said:

That's very heartening to hear, after my first C section (scheduled for my breech baby) I'm pondering my options for the next baby. The consultant at the time reckoned I had a 7/10 chance of successful VBAC should I go again, (based on what exactly I don't know - and I guess it depends on a whole bunch of variables) but if there were any complications I'd be tempted to just go straight for elective C section. Like you, I found it a very positive experience and the recovery wasn't too onerous, so it's great to hear it's possible to have quite a few. 

Do you mind my asking, do they go in on the old scar or make a new incision each time? Silly question I guess, but I'm really curious.

They seem to go with the same scar. Not sure about inside though. The scar on the uterus does get quite thin and they don't love doing more than three and I wouldn't like to pretend to know more than the doctor taking care of you but my obstetrician sort of shrugged as if to say that once the baby is in it's not like they can refuse to get it out. Also she told me (doctors on the thread correct me if I am mistaken) that the risk really increases with contractions. My last 2 were delivered at 37 weeks to prevent that risk. But I also do have an extra long scar on my uterus because the scar from c section 1 ruptured during the second labour. Fortunately I was already in theatre as they were prepping for forceps delivery. Last note on this: my obstetrician (who was also my post traumatic birth consultant) said (in so many words) that they just don't lose mothers with elective c sections. She was reassuring me because I had expressed real anxiety about being pregnant after the tricky delivery, but I think it is true. It's very organised, planned and straightforward when it's elective. 

[SassyPants]

To me there was only 1 downside to the elective c-section, and this was 30 years ago this August, i just went to the OR like any other surgical patient, and was fully separated from my baby during recovery as I was in the surgical recovery area. That experience was gross for a healthy, new mother. With my first, I had my baby In the surgical room associated with Land D, Snd recovered right there, also the baby stayed with us after being checked out by peds. 

[Gobbles]

12 hours ago, SassyPants said:

To me there was only 1 downside to the elective c-section, and this was 30 years ago this August, i just went to the OR like any other surgical patient, and was fully separated from my baby during recovery as I was in the surgical recovery area. That experience was gross for a healthy, new mother. With my first, I had my baby In the surgical room associated with Land D, Snd recovered right there, also the baby stayed with us after being checked out by peds. 

My Mum had a c-section too with me, medically necessary but not an emergency, so planned as well. That was around the same time as your c-section, just around six months later. They put her under full anaesthesia and so she did not had the typical snuggles and whatnot what today seems to be the norm.  Also my Dad wasn't in the OR obviously with a full anaesthesia. But he was allowed in the room were they took me next to the OR. (We have pictures from there.) So he was the one who held me for the first time and did all the other first time things, also because my Mum was too weak.

My Mum had no problem with that, maybe because she was so done with all the pregnancy stuff. I bet she was like, get the baby out and give it to my husband but let me finally rest. ? 

[Melissa1977]

I'm relieved to see Lauren focused in Bella, not in Asa. She looks happy and not overwhelmed (except when howlers are around, but I can't blame her for that). I was sincerely worried for Bella, but she's being treated as a firstborn and loved as an individual, not as a replacement! May she keep being an only child for a while!

And while I dislike Lauren a lot (and Josiah even more, due to his bad taste pranks), my wish for every parent is that they can enjoy their babies. Parenthood can be stressful and depressing sometimes and nobody deserves that!!!

[sparklymagie]

On 1/9/2020 at 1:54 PM, SassyPants said:

To me there was only 1 downside to the elective c-section, and this was 30 years ago this August, i just went to the OR like any other surgical patient, and was fully separated from my baby during recovery as I was in the surgical recovery area. That experience was gross for a healthy, new mother. With my first, I had my baby In the surgical room associated with Land D, Snd recovered right there, also the baby stayed with us after being checked out by peds. 

My first child was a vaginal birth and my second was a planned c section. I don't want to scare anyone, but my vaginal birth went badly. I tore badly and hemorrhaged. I had to go into surgery after the birth for over two hours. Meanwhile, my poor husband was alone with our newborn in the birthing room. I learned afterward that no one really told him what was happening and he didn't know what was going on or how long I would be. In the meantime, our baby was crying and he knew I wanted to breastfeed and kept putting off the nurses who wanted to go ahead and feed her (we've since had a conversation that, you know, feeding the brand new human outweighs anything else, but at the time we were stupid and had not discussed what should happen when things go wrong). I ended up taking 18 months to recover from that birth.

Meanwhile, the c section went super smoothly, the baby recovered with us, and after a couple of weeks I was no longer on meds and was moving well. Man, if I have more babies, I would choose c-sections every time. (At the same time, I have a co-worker who had a bad C-section birth, so....)

I guess what I'm trying to express is that not all vaginal births mean immediate access to your child and c-sections don't mean protracted separation. Every birth story I hear I realize how true it is every birth is genuinely different and there's no way to predict what's going to happen, especially for a first timer. And I don't regret anything. I can't even say that I wish we had gone for a c section for the first birth because it just never came up as an option because we everything up to the actual birth was fine. 

In the past month, I've watched my sister in law go through a late miscarriage (around 6 months) and my best friend go through a miscarriage at around 20 weeks. I just feel like any time we can get the baby here and both the mother and child are relatively healthy, it's a miracle. 

(And just in case, Sassy, I'm not trying to call you out or be rude or anything. Your remarks about being away from your baby during recovery just made me start thinking). 

Edited January 12, 2020 by sparklymagie
Grammar

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 1/9/2020 at 12:54 PM, SassyPants said:

To me there was only 1 downside to the elective c-section, and this was 30 years ago this August, i just went to the OR like any other surgical patient, and was fully separated from my baby during recovery as I was in the surgical recovery area. That experience was gross for a healthy, new mother. With my first, I had my baby In the surgical room associated with Land D, Snd recovered right there, also the baby stayed with us after being checked out by peds. 

My experience was the exact opposite, my emergency c/section I was kind of stuck in a weird little room, I think it was part of a bigger room that they had separated by a curtain. I didn't get to see my son for about 2 hours, I remember dh wheeling him in, in the baby cart thing they put babies in in the hospital. Then my obnoxiously over excited mother jumping up, grabbed him and oohed & ahed over him until I asked if I could see my baby.  I'm still pissed 22 years later that she got to hold him before I did.  But with #2 it was scheduled and after I was taken to a recovery room and  DH came in with DD in the same type of bassinet/cart thingy about 10 minutes after I was wheeled in, and yes this time I was the 2nd non medical staff, person to hold her. It helped that my parents kept ds while we were in the hospital, they didn't come up to the hospital until I was in my room. 

[scoutsadie]

On 1/12/2020 at 2:24 AM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Then my obnoxiously over excited mother jumping up, grabbed him and oohed & ahed over him until I asked if I could see my baby.  I'm still pissed 22 years later that she got to hold him before I did.

Aww, your mom's intrusiveness sucks! I can understand your frustration.

But you did get to hold him before she did - for many months. ?

Edited January 14, 2020 by scoutsadie

[CherylV]

Things can go any which way-my first vaginal birth they took my daughter because she had meconium all over her and cleaned her before I could hold her briefly and then kept her for observation overnight in the nursery- even though usually they did rooming

Second vaginal birth- I had was the one everyone wants where baby is always with you amd no interventionsor complications . 

Next child was planned c-section due to a complete placenta previa (I would have died if I had tried a home birth - had I been in the states without insurance I might have treied it after my perfect second one). I got to hold her I’m the operating room and she roomed  with me. 

Second  c-section was emergency c-section of preemie twins where I almost bleed out with hemorrhage and had a spinal fluid leak from the spinal anesthesia and was hospitalized flat in my back for a week and they ended up on ventilators and in the the NICU for 6 weeks. It was a routine ultrasound appt turned emergency c-section due to lack of diastolic heart rate.  Nightmare situation - very hard. Not optimal for the babies - all of us were separated and I just lay there and cried. Miracle we all survived and I had my tubes tied after that. Many nurses were caring for my twins before I was able to - I wanted to go down to their floor and my drs had strict instructions I was to remain in bed completely flat  and wouldn’t let me up orndetach me. 

Edited January 14, 2020 by CherylV

[AussieKrissy]

Has she had the angel baby emoji in before or after baby Bella. I can’t say I noticed it before today. 
 

[llg1234]

Pretty sure it's been there for awhile, now.

[AprilQuilt]

On 1/9/2020 at 1:46 PM, bird said:

They seem to go with the same scar. Not sure about inside though. The scar on the uterus does get quite thin and they don't love doing more than three and I wouldn't like to pretend to know more than the doctor taking care of you but my obstetrician sort of shrugged as if to say that once the baby is in it's not like they can refuse to get it out. Also she told me (doctors on the thread correct me if I am mistaken) that the risk really increases with contractions. My last 2 were delivered at 37 weeks to prevent that risk. But I also do have an extra long scar on my uterus because the scar from c section 1 ruptured during the second labour. Fortunately I was already in theatre as they were prepping for forceps delivery. Last note on this: my obstetrician (who was also my post traumatic birth consultant) said (in so many words) that they just don't lose mothers with elective c sections. She was reassuring me because I had expressed real anxiety about being pregnant after the tricky delivery, but I think it is true. It's very organised, planned and straightforward when it's elective. 

Ah, thank you. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back here and say so - life got in the way! Yes, elective C section just feels like the safest option on so many levels. Before I had one myself I was quite judgemental about them but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Pregnancy and childbirth are so delicate and complicated any way you do them, though, nothing is ever guaranteed without risk and there is no one-size-fits-all. I'm glad I have no plans for a mega-quiver.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

8 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

Has she had the angel baby emoji in before or after baby Bella. I can’t say I noticed it before today. 
 

It was driving me crazy trying to think of who JB reminds me of in this pic...

He looks like Frankenberry...from the cereal box.  Picture Frankenberry with human coloring and you get this pic of JB.

[Xan]

13 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

It was driving me crazy trying to think of who JB reminds me of in this pic...

He looks like Frankenberry...from the cereal box.  Picture Frankenberry with human coloring and you get this pic of JB.

Yep.  You're right.

Spoiler

 

[FluffySnowball]

I know I frequently hop on here to complain about their grammar, but can’t they sometimes get something right? Just sometimes... I’m not asking for too much, am I?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 hours ago, FluffySnowball said:

I know I frequently hop on here to complain about their grammar, but can’t they sometimes get something right? Just sometimes... I’m not asking for too much, am I?

From uneducated people who are limited in what they read...you are asking too much.

[SassyPants]

24 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

From uneducated people who are limited in what they read...you are asking too much.

Are you thinking that Josiah wrote the comment? Lauren is purportedly a Jr college graduate. I’d hope she would know the very basics of the English language.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Are you thinking that Josiah wrote the comment? Lauren is purportedly a Jr college graduate. I’d hope she would know the very basics of the English language.

Nah, I just figured she had the same level of homeschooling and didn't know she had any higher ed.

See, if they were non-Duggars I'd just assume they changed their mind about sentence structure mid way and didn't clean up the mess.  I do that all the time, doesn't mean I don't know how to write properly...just a testament to my laziness.