Josiah and Lauren 16: Just Another Young Fundie Couple

[Screamapillar]

Let's direct all of our criticism where it truly belongs: at whoever designed THAT HAT and made it a thing.

[Meggo]

44 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

Duggar Christmaspalooza 

I had a discussion with my niece (who - god love her - is a sourpuss. She owns that) on Christmas Eve. She was bitching about some cousin who never comes to our family gatherings (which have never been less than 45 people) and I said "Listen - you don't get it. You grew up in this. In this giant family where there is noise and chaos and you can't ever sit in the same chair twice. But when you're coming from a smaller family - where Christmas dinner MIGHT be 10 people? Where you can sit and have a conversation at a normal level, where there aren't 15 small children high on candy canes running around screaming --- your family? Is a LOT to deal with." 

She never understands this. "Well we're still family." 
I said I get that - but I've been in this family for 22 years all told now - and I'm still anxious at family gatherings. Add in a new relationship, coming from a reasonably smallish family (Lauren's family isn't gigantic), being a big fish in a little pond to just being another minnow..., having a new baby that you still haven't entirely figured out what to do with … like. I give the girl credit.

Edited January 2, 2020 by Meggo

[neuroticcat]

5 hours ago, nausicaa said:

So Free Jinger basically collectively told Lauren "Smile! You'd be so much prettier if you'd smile!" 

All right, wrap it up everyone. We've officially become what we hate. ?

 

I have a friend who now lives in the D.C. area but grew up in Seattle. I love her absolute delight at seeing people dress up. We went to the Virginia Gold Cup together last year and it was like a kid at Disney World, she just kept exclaiming "People are so fancy! Even though we're outside! They are wearing HATS!?!"

Meanwhile, she had to explain to me that one of her Seattle friends genuinely refers to her dress up clothes as her "going out Gortex." I sprained my hand clutching my pearls so hard. 

I totally get this. I grew up in Portland and then moved to TN in high school. Everyone dressed like the Bates girls - fake tans, lots of makeup, coiffed hair. I still remember seeing pantsuits and blazers in high school. Pant suits!!!! A far cry from my 90s flannel and docs and the “natural” look. 

Later we lived in SC I still remember an elderly women throwing shade at me for not dressing my kids in church clothes on Sunday. 

Totally different cultures.

[JanasTattooParlor]

30 minutes ago, neuroticcat said:

I totally get this. I grew up in Portland and then moved to TN in high school. Everyone dressed like the Bates girls - fake tans, lots of makeup, coiffed hair. I still remember seeing pantsuits and blazers in high school. Pant suits!!!! A far cry from my 90s flannel and docs and the “natural” look. 

Later we lived in SC I still remember an elderly women throwing shade at me for not dressing my kids in church clothes on Sunday. 

Totally different cultures.

I so second this. I grew up in SC and to this day, my stepmom asks me if I could just dress up and do something with my face and hair almost everytime I see her. I remember that it took me years when I was younger to convince her to let me wear my “nice” jeans to church instead of dresses. It’s just such a standard to be dressed nicely here that the girls I went to high school and college with lived in Lilly Pulitzer and Jack Rogers sandals and I was always looked at funny because I preferred ripped jeans and tshirts. Lauren is originally from GA, right? I would guess that she probably grew up in these same standards and it makes her stand out from her in-laws who have never had the same dressing standards applied to them their whole lives. 

[Peaches-n-Beans]

5 hours ago, FunDeeLite said:

Re the Lauren picture:

I imagine she's pulling that face while thinking, "Why the hell do my in-laws have this gigantic box of paper towels sitting out during a Christmas celebration?"  ???????

I completely missed the paper towels. why DO they have the paper towels out??? Why that many??

[Ms. Squishels]

Just a thought on the paper towels.  My friend likes to go to Costco and buy her 30-year-old son supplies for Christmas.  So she gets him a big thing of paper towels, trash bags, TP, detergent, that type of thing.  He likes it because he doesn't like paying for it in general.  That's not the only thing she gets him, as he is a spoiled only child with zero siblings!!  Haha.  That was my first thought about the paper towels.  Maybe some of the married kids like to get stuff like that (hopefully with something else a little more fun.) Of course, it could just be them reusing the box to wrap something else.

[neuroticcat]

This year I got each of my tweens Costco boxes of Capri sun, chips, gum, and candy for Christmas. They now have a snack bar in their rooms. 

But on Christmas morning they were kind of like ... um, what? Thanks I guess? Until they opened the last present which was an xbox. 

But paper towels? Even as an adult I would have wanted to cry. 

[Glasgowghirl]

While I Lauren and said and done things that have rubbed me up the wrong way in the past. I think here it was just a combination of lack of sleep taking care of a newborn, her taking time out to care for Bella and wanting a bit of space. Kendra and Anna may also have children the same age as Bella but both already have already have other children and all baby's are different and Addison and Maryella may not have needed as much attention as Bella did. 

As someone who has had depression since I was 11, being told to smile or cheer up can piss me off, I know people mean well but when it's at it's worst and you are struggling to get out bed, get dressed and leave the house and you have a stranger saying cheer up to you, you sometimes want to lose it. I don't know if Lauren is depressed or not, nothing to suggest she is but I can’t imagine being depressed or even just feeling down and you have grown up being told to keep sweet and suppress your emotions. 

[SassyPants]

Lauren is caught between her kiddy princess world and the life of a public, albeit a very minor one, figure. You want to play on the big stage, and with the big dogs, people are going to both critique, and at times criticize, your behaviors, tone and words. Kendra has fared better because she never acted haughty. It was easier to give her a break, rightly or wrongly. None of these people has developed the skills to independently operate in the world outside fundiedom.

[nst]

4 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Lauren is caught between her kiddy princess world and the life of a public, albeit a very minor one, figure. You want to play on the big stage, and with the big dogs, people are going to both critique, and at times criticize, your behaviors, tone and words. Kendra has fared better because she never acted haughty. It was easier to give her a break, rightly or wrongly. None of these people has developed the skills to independently operate in the world outside fundiedom.

i would take a reality show just with Kendra teaching cooking lessons. She is amusing in a way that Lauren just doesn't get it.

Kendra's cooking show 2021

 

[Giraffe]

My “favorite” moment of being told to smile: I was with my family touring San Francisco and I had a severe (in the real sense, not the jrod sense) ear infection and was in so much pain. Asshole just kept telling me to smile. I wanted to scream at him!

[JenniferJuniper]

20 hours ago, AtlanticTug said:

Lauren is probably insufferable and self-centred based on what we know of her (via her own words/posts, etc).

But hey, if somebody wants to sit at the Duggar Christmaspalooza with a sourpuss face, bring it! I am here to cheer you on.

I'd have had a mental breakdown in that environment, myself.  But yeah, she's also shown herself to be a spoiled brat.

From what I've seen of her on the show, she's either going to have to adapt or Josiah is going to have to break away from his birth family and focus on his own.  It's early yet, but at Christmas, he seemed all too happy to hang with all the howlers, tall and small.  My father was like that.  He married at 21, had me at 22.  When my parents brought me over to my grandparents' house for the first time, he went upstairs to his old bedroom to take a nap.  My grandfather flipped out.  "You have a wife and baby now.  Get downstairs now."

No Duggar is going to tell Josiah what my grandfather told my father, but he'd better figure it out soon.

 

[WarriorJane]

2 pics I saw showed Lauren holding a sleeping Bella.  It makes sense she would be sitting on the couch alone.   There was one with her and Josiah where she's smiling.  Granted, it's posed, not candid, but still she doesn't look miserable.   And the one where she looks "miserable" may have just been taken mid-blink.  Or her eyes are half closed because she's a mother of a newborn at Christmas and probably exhausted.

I'm not a fan of the hat personally, but I don't think she's overdressed.   I think the Duggars just look like they look everyday which is kind of surprising because you would think they would dress up for Jesus's birthday.  Did they not go to church?  I think it's ironic that we criticize the duggars' frumpiness but then give them (especially the in laws) shit if they dare to vary from the usual denim skirts or cargo shorts paired with tshirts from universities they'll never attend.  We sometimes see what we want to see.   Jinger liked clothes so she had a "spark" and will one day "break free".   Now it's Jinger is image obsessed and trying too hard.  Jeremy is wearing a hat--that smug bastard!  Lauren is wearing high heels in the nursery--she's so haughty!  Poor Abbie is in long denim skirts--she is wasting her life and will never be a nurse again!

As long as I'm ranting,  I'll throw this bit of BEC into the mix, directed not just Lauren, but all the Duggars and the whole world -- If it's cold enough out for you to wear a jacket,  YOUR BABY ALSO NEEDS A JACKET!!!!  And SOCKS!

/rant over.

[browngrl]

When I see Lauren in the Dugger family pictures I think of the phrase "be careful what you ask for because you might get it". I suspect that Lauren had a script for how marriage and children was supposed to be and is now faced with the reality. 

* She is likely facing money stress. Neither she nor Josiah seem to have a marketable skill set and as such are likely dependant to some degree or other on Jim Bob. That can't feel secure - especially for someone who seems to favour an instagram ready life.

* She is likely having to deal with a spouse who has his own issues. Josiah always seems a bit sad and deflated to me.  I suspect that when the cameras are off - he is even more melancholy. It is hard for anyone do deal with a spouse who is struggling and IMO even harder for very young woman/very young mother with little other life experience and likely unrealistic expectations.

* Fundie girls gush over babies but infants are a huge amount of 24/7/365 work. 

I'm not adopting a pet fundie or excusing the damage caused by fundamentalism by any means but I feel sorry for Lauren (and Josiah). I don't think either is where they thought they would be.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I remember when they had a date night on counting on and the girls had to dress the guys (can’t call them men and women cause they’re not yet) in thrift store stuff.  Lauren teased Si with an ugly outfit and he was very angry.

I think Si can be mean and have a cruel tongue.   He likes to pull practical jokes but doesn’t like to be the butt of one himself.  I used to like him but not anymore, he’s awful.   

[Idlewild]

I said earlier that Lauren has had a brutal introduction to marriage- a miscarriage & what looked like a tough delivery. 
She comes from a home where the husband provides a good standard of living. I’m not sure what Josiah does- is he real estate or car sales?- but it seems tied up in JB and on Duggar time. 
Her family has known the Duggars for a while and I’m sure to a teenager marrying into them was hitting the fundie jackpot- but the reality is probably less glamorous. 
Maybe she wants to develop the Instagram sponsors so they are less dependent on JB. I wouldn’t blame her for that given she’s not going to be encouraged to improve her situation any other way. 

[divadivine]

On 1/2/2020 at 10:36 PM, neuroticcat said:

But paper towels? Even as an adult I would have wanted to cry. 

No joke, my mom asked for paper towels for Christmas. She wanted the full size sheets in a jumbo pack. I found one at Walmart. Along with six jars of instant tea, which her local store rarely has in stock, she was so happy. Of course, I bought her other stuff she wanted- new phone case, scented oils, socks... basically, she got stuff she will use throughout the year. She asks for stuff she will use so she can spend that money on stuff she wants to treat herself to when she goes shopping (mostly online- she loves her some Amazon.) She told me “Just buy me stuff I’ll use. That’s what I want. Because you know if I want something special I’ll buy it for myself.” I did buy her an outdoor security camera & Amazon Echo last year- that was a big hit. 
Next year, I’m asking for Tide. That stuff’s not cheap. Lol. 

[Knight of Ni]

16 minutes ago, divadivine said:

Next year, I’m asking for Tide. That stuff’s not cheap. Lol. 

I read somewhere that it is the most commonly shoplifted item.

[Giraffe]

1 hour ago, divadivine said:

No joke, my mom asked for paper towels for Christmas. She wanted the full size sheets in a jumbo pack. I found one at Walmart. Along with six jars of instant tea, which her local store rarely has in stock, she was so happy. Of course, I bought her other stuff she wanted- new phone case, scented oils, socks... basically, she got stuff she will use throughout the year. She asks for stuff she will use so she can spend that money on stuff she wants to treat herself to when she goes shopping (mostly online- she loves her some Amazon.) She told me “Just buy me stuff I’ll use. That’s what I want. Because you know if I want something special I’ll buy it for myself.” I did buy her an outdoor security camera & Amazon Echo last year- that was a big hit. 
Next year, I’m asking for Tide. That stuff’s not cheap. Lol. 

That’s such a fantastic idea!

[crancraz]

2 hours ago, Knight of Ni said:

I read somewhere that it is the most commonly shoplifted item.

I just noticed today that my grocery store has cameras right next to the Tide. 

[SassyPants]

9 hours ago, divadivine said:

No joke, my mom asked for paper towels for Christmas. She wanted the full size sheets in a jumbo pack. I found one at Walmart. Along with six jars of instant tea, which her local store rarely has in stock, she was so happy. Of course, I bought her other stuff she wanted- new phone case, scented oils, socks... basically, she got stuff she will use throughout the year. She asks for stuff she will use so she can spend that money on stuff she wants to treat herself to when she goes shopping (mostly online- she loves her some Amazon.) She told me “Just buy me stuff I’ll use. That’s what I want. Because you know if I want something special I’ll buy it for myself.” I did buy her an outdoor security camera & Amazon Echo last year- that was a big hit. 
Next year, I’m asking for Tide. That stuff’s not cheap. Lol. 

My daughter lives in So America and the 64 use container of Tide costs 27 dollars. The rest of the liquid cleaner is crap. Most people use the bar and hand wash their clothes, or have  the housekeeper do it. I always buy my daughter's family 2 containers whenever I visit. 

[Bad Wolf]

We buy for our local Meals on Wheels at Christmas. They always so for toilet papet, so that's. part of the package.

[WarriorJane]

15 minutes ago, Bad Wolf said:

We buy for our local Meals on Wheels at Christmas. They always so for toilet papet, so that's. part of the package.

That's a great idea.  I always donate some non food items to pantry drives and fill-a-bag type drives because that's the most expensive stuff to buy, plus people who receive SNAP benefits can't use them to buy those things.   Soap,  toothpaste,  toilet paper, cleaning supplies,  laundry detergent-- all that can be expensive.   I hate it when I'm out of everything at once, because it really Jacks up my grocery bill for the week.  

[Bobology]

Talking about the cost of laundry detergent, I wonder if the Duggars still make their own. Early on, when the 4 oldest girls were about the ages of the current Lost Girls one of their episodes featured them making detergent. Several years later a co-worker* went on about how much money she saved by doing different things and one was making her own detergent. I tried it, liked it, and have been making my own for nearly 8 years now. I once had the cost per load calculated -- it was like 5 cents or something.

Anyway I wonder if the married Duggars do that for their own homes or perhaps have 'detergent parties' or something. It's kind of a pain to make, especially for a young mother with a few young kids. Of course the boy-men couldn't deign themselves to make it to help out the family (except for maybe Joe... he's the same as the others yet seems a little different.)

*Co-worker's husband worked in a dirty, greasy factory place and she said she used store-bought for his work clothes because the homemade didn't quite cut it.

[CTRLZero]

11 hours ago, Knight of Ni said:

I read somewhere that it is the most commonly shoplifted item.

That explains why the Tide products are behind glass in the local CVS.  I wondered if it was an ingredient for some illegal drug manufacturing process, lol!