M is for Mama 5: Praying for Lunch

[anachronistic]

It’s not the fact that she did it, honestly 8 year olds can be vicious, it’s that she brags about it years later instead of saying ‘omg I was a little jerk’ or ‘I’m so sorry Shae’ or ‘I feel terrible about it now’. We all did horrible things as children, or at least most of us did. I remember being incredibly mean to some kids. And 25 years later, I feel bad about it, and if I could apologize, I would. Not having the ability to look back and feel remorse is really weird, and not in a good way. Apologizing to people is great, because then you can talk about it and get forgiven (usually) and you all feel better. Abbie doesn’t seem to understand this.

Edited December 10, 2019 by anachronistic
Punctuation

[JermajestyDuggar]

I understand that siblings do really awful things to one another throughout childhood. But what really pisses me off is that Braggie would lose her ever loving mind if one of her kid did that. She expects her children to parent the younger ones. There’s such a huge contrast because she was actually acting like a little brat but her behavior was likely closer to normal than Ezra’s constant parenting behavior towards his siblings. How fucked up is that? Ugh.

[Ozlsn]

6 hours ago, SuperNova said:

Haha. Causing permanent scarring is hilarious. Sibling rivalry, amirite?  

"I distinctly remember doing schoolwork at a college library with my brother while my mom taught an English class. He was 12. I was 8. 
One day, Shae, who was my best frenemy and who absolutely loved getting a rise out of me (it wasn't hard; I was feisty), kept poking at me with a pair of scissors. 
We knew we couldn't be loud, so I remember hissing, "If you do that again, I will jab you in the leg with my pencil." He grinned. And did it again. 
So I jammed my pencil into his leg. #ididwarnhim
He still has a piece of graphite in his thigh to this day."

To be honest that sounds like fairly normal sibling interaction to me. Older sibling torments younger sibling, keeps going after being told to stop, younger sibling goes over the top responding (OK stabbing with a pencil is on the more extreme end but not the worst I've heard of). Older sibling (usually) stops. 

The difference between this and Abbie's kids interactions is huge - I doubt they interact like this even with milder teasing because the older boys are acting as parents and it's not tolerated. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

I visited Braggie's Instagram for the first time. I know this is all petty, unimportant, BEC but my first thoughts were....

1: Holy cow that house is gorgeous on the outside!

2: Holy cow that house is ugly on the inside! Granted I'm not the most trendy or in style myself but that decor (picture Simon Cowell)...is a no from me.

3: Could she mention exercise more?

4: Why is her husband so MIA? She sounds like a lonely young girl when she describes him. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

36 minutes ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I visited Braggie's Instagram for the first time. I know this is all petty, unimportant, BEC but my first thoughts were....

1: Holy cow that house is gorgeous on the outside!

2: Holy cow that house is ugly on the inside! Granted I'm not the most trendy or in style myself but that decor (picture Simon Cowell)...is a no from me.

3: Could she mention exercise more?

4: Why is her husband so MIA? She sounds like a lonely young girl when she describes him. 

Her husband has to work a lot to pay for her shopping addiction and litter of children. 

[TuringMachine]

46 minutes ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

1: Holy cow that house is gorgeous on the outside!

I like the colors and landscaping, but the design of the house itself is... not great. There are way too many different windows, the house isn't balanced. The windows on the dormers are waaay too big. I'd put it in the 7th circle of McMansion Hell

[Hane]

Braggie, outing herself as bratty kid who got her way, sounds a LOT like Lori Alexander.

[Eternalbluepearl]

Braggie is the perfect nickname. The humblebrag is strong with that one.

Exercise is just her jam, guys. You don't have to be into it. 4 am sweat sessions are rad but it's okay if you are sleeping instead. *Shrug* Her husband is her favorite human. Even above her kids. He is the *best* ....yours is probably fine too. *Shrug*

[TuringMachine]

I can't find it right now, but my favorite post of hers is still the one where she's like: Don't you just hate being told how amazing you are all the time? Me too!

[Eternalbluepearl]

14 minutes ago, TuringMachine said:

I can't find it right now, but my favorite post of hers is still the one where she's like: Don't you just hate being told how amazing you are all the time? Me too!

Oh man, me too, it's so depressing the attitude she takes. She says women shouldn't be into self care either. What a loser. Because women need ONE more voice telling them they don't deserve anything. *Eyeroll*

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Exercise is just her jam, guys. You don't have to be into it. 4 am sweat sessions are rad but it's okay if you are sleeping instead. *Shrug* Her husband is her favorite human. Even above her kids. He is the *best* ....yours is probably fine too. *Shrug*

Perfect way to illustrate how shallow she is. A person who has no previous knowledge of Braggie is able to encompass the total sum of her personality in a single paragraph. 

[danvillebelle]

14 hours ago, TuringMachine said:

I'd put it in the 7th circle of McMansion Hell

I love her SO MUCH.  That is one of the best blogs on the internet IMO.

Favorite line from the circles of hell post:  "Typical 9, featuring Roofline Soup and soulless window holes.  Intimidating and ugly, it looms over the landscape where it waits patiently for its prey..." 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I’m only posting this on Braggie’s thread because she is friends with Jenny. I see this Instagram post as a big: “See! CFA is just as bigoted as always! And we love them for it!”

[anachronistic]

Those bell ringers are at both ends of my favorite grocery store, Market Basket, which isn’t a bigoted corporate vulture at all. But I’ve stopped complaining about them. For years, I complained to the managers (didn’t do any good) and tried to talk to the bell ringers (ditto). With the bell ringers, they’d just get in long winded arguments with me and expect me to cite scholarly sources on the spot as to why they weren’t homophobic or transphobic and how the bell ringers hadn’t heard anything but I couldn’t possess comprehend how much good the SA does. In recent years they’ve had to hire people, and if someone is hired I never complain because a job is a job and people need money. And many of them don’t speak fluent English and have no idea what I’m talking about with homophobia and transphobia anyway, I still hate the SA but it’s not worth getting into fights with strangers about it......sigh.....

[Hane]

@anachronistic, this brings to mind a recent conversation with a church friend about homophobic/transphobic religious organizations that otherwise do good. She often relies on food banks to help feed her family and is extremely cognizant of social justice issues. She says that she’s had to make the tough decision: boycott places like Salvation Army or let her family go hungry—and keeping food on the table wins.

[Eternalbluepearl]

In the latest instagram post, B is for Braggie says she feels weird quoting herself from her speech at church, then does. I'm not buying the felt weird part. 

Edited December 15, 2019 by Eternalbluepearl

[therulesofjinx]

Just read Braggie's latest Instagram post. I had to Google "the dying to self" in the context of marriage because it's not something I've heard before. I then read an article that made me roll my eyes so hard. I'm engaged, but not yet married, and yes, relationships can be hard and require a lot of communication, but I've never felt that I cannot also focus on myself. The article told me that if I focus on my wants and needs, I will become entitled and embittered. I certainly don't feel that way! I think that me taking care of myself can only help my relationship. But, Braggie always has to make things about her and how hard things are for her because #hardisnotthesamethingasbad. I feel like I'm rambling now, but her post just irked me. As they typically do.

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, therulesofjinx said:

Just read Braggie's latest Instagram post. I had to Google "the dying to self" in the context of marriage because it's not something I've heard before. I then read an article that made me roll my eyes so hard. I'm engaged, but not yet married, and yes, relationships can be hard and require a lot of communication, but I've never felt that I cannot also focus on myself. The article told me that if I focus on my wants and needs, I will become entitled and embittered. I certainly don't feel that way! I think that me taking care of myself can only help my relationship. But, Braggie always has to make things about her and how hard things are for her because #hardisnotthesamethingasbad. I feel like I'm rambling now, but her post just irked me. As they typically do.

What really bothers me is that she has over 18,000 followers. And I wonder how she is harming some of these followers with her horrible messages about motherhood and marriage. 

[SuperNova]

Heres the context:

"Marriage can be hard. The laying down of the wills. The dying to self. The coordinating of schedules and dreams and agendas. The co-parenting by grown-up sinners of little sinners. It can be a veritable minefield of emotions and hurt feelings and stubborn pride."

Yeah, that's a big no from me. Perhaps Abbie and Shaun should visit a MFT and learn to communicate better. They are two separate people with individual wants and needs that don't always coincide. It is terribly unhealthy to decide that the answer to conflict or opposing views is "dying to self". Relationships aren't about forgetting who you are.

Marriage isn't a "minefield" when you take time to do the emotional work. Then again, it doesn't sound like Shaun is around often enough to bother with counseling or relationship building. Abbie is taking this new found self sacrifice kick to a whole new level of disfunction. 

[bea]

I’ve been married 21 years. We’ve been together almost 30.
It’s not a battle. Nobody has to give up being themselves, or submerge their personality into a shared identity.
That’s not what marriage is supposed to be about. It’s about finding your person, and being with them, and finding happiness. Being married doesn’t eliminate you as an individual. You still count. What you want and what you need and your hopes and dreams and likes and dislikes still matter.
Maybe Abbie thinks marriage is hard because she makes it harder than it has to be - just like she does everything else.

[JermajestyDuggar]

58 minutes ago, bea said:

Maybe Abbie thinks marriage is hard because she makes it harder than it has to be - just like she does everything else.

I think there are a few reasons why she does this. 

1) she’s fundie so suffering is good.

2) she’s extremely selfish and self centered so doing things for others is hard for her.

3) she doesn’t actually like having kids and she has 8. She’s locked herself into a life she doesn’t want.

[feministxtian]

I don't remember any "dying to self" when I was married. Compromise and communication, yes. But, we never fought. Fussed and argued, yeah. Got frustrated, damn skippy. But, we both retained our inner identities throughout. I was me, he was him and we managed to live fairly peacefully, with a lot of love for 21 years...how I wish he was here for me to fuss at. 

Braggie is a bitch, a selfish, self-centered bitch. 

[mhainlen]

On 12/20/2019 at 10:07 AM, therulesofjinx said:

Just read Braggie's latest Instagram post. I had to Google "the dying to self" in the context of marriage because it's not something I've heard before. I then read an article that made me roll my eyes so hard. I'm engaged, but not yet married, and yes, relationships can be hard and require a lot of communication, but I've never felt that I cannot also focus on myself. The article told me that if I focus on my wants and needs, I will become entitled and embittered. I certainly don't feel that way! I think that me taking care of myself can only help my relationship. But, Braggie always has to make things about her and how hard things are for her because #hardisnotthesamethingasbad. I feel like I'm rambling now, but her post just irked me. As they typically do.

I grew up Fundie-lite and the “die to self” message was strong. Especially to teen girls. The “JOY - Jesus first, others second, yourself last” thing that the Duggars mentioned in an early episode was an acronym I’d heard many sermons and discussions on. It has been incredibly hard as an adult to learn that I can take care of myself without feeling incredible guilt or that I can have an opinion that differs from those around me. 

[ophelia]

On 12/20/2019 at 9:06 PM, SuperNova said:

Heres the context:

"Marriage can be hard. The laying down of the wills. The dying to self. The coordinating of schedules and dreams and agendas. The co-parenting by grown-up sinners of little sinners. It can be a veritable minefield of emotions and hurt feelings and stubborn pride."

I just hate it when fundie refer to their kids as sinners. It just feels so damn wrong and condescending to talk about little persons like that. Especially when you follow an agenda where you are supposed to have as many kids as possible. Why have them when they are nothing more than a burden?

[PopRox]

6 hours ago, ophelia said:

Why have them when they are nothing more than a burden?

Because "mOtHeRhOoD iS sAnCtIfYing."

(I just rolled my eyes so hard they fell out and rolled down the hallway)